An actual phone conversation with my mom a moment ago:
Mom: Your dad and I just heard a story about a guy who lived to be 110. Who would want to live that long? All your friends would be dead.
Me: Well, in 40 years or so I could be at the old folks home with you.
Mom: Are you trying to prove our point?
I’m getting her nothing for Mothers Day.
Alex
So that’s where you get it!
Genine
I DO feel the love. Your mom sounds great!
Delia
Maybe she needs a couple more JRT’s.
Zifnab
Burned. Bwhahaha.
donnah
I love your mom. She’s sassy.
I was feelin’ the love when my son called from college (he’s a senior) and told me he’d like to come home this weekend; it would be his last open weekend before graduation.
What that translates to in Parental Bullshit Detection is: I’m out of food and every last pair of underwear is dirty.
That’s okay. We still love him.
TheOfficialHatOnMyCat
As usual, you should listen to your mom.
stan
Wow, you got owned by your moms. Nice.
Jennifer
Cool mom.
JR
Mom got diagnosed with cancer yesterday–we should get the specifics on what type later today. Bone, breast and myeloma are the front-runners.
Stop smoking, kids, and if you’ve still got a mom around, go hug her.
Bootlegger
Intergenerational Assisted Care Living Units
Each unit comes with a bedroom fully equipped with the latest medical technology for the senior surviving family member. Each unit also has a mock “basement”, “garage” or “attic” for the younger family members to “crash” in.
Invest now!
passerby
@Alex:
Alex @ #1. Beat us all to the punch: The fruit don’t fall far from the tree.
Bootlegger
@JR: Damn. Sorry to hear that. I’ll keep a good thought.
passerby
@JR:
My heart goes out to you JR. My 83 y.o. mom just had 2 liters of fluid removed from her lungs and still smokes. She’s in a lot of pain. We feel powerless to help her and she won’t help herself. What to do…
Self love is not so vile a sin as self neglecting.–Shakespeare
I’m taking the lesson.
R-Jud
A married couple, both 105 years old, go to see a lawyer about a divorce.
“You’ve been married 80 years!” the lawyer says. “Why get divorced now?”
“Well,” says the woman, “We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.”
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
Your conversation made me think of the scene in Sixteen Candles where the parents are forcing their son to attend the dance, and as they’re pushing him through the door he yells, “but I want to be with you guys.”
Krista
I think that’s awesome that your mom sasses you. Although I do kind of feel bad — do you know anybody who doesn’t bust your balls on a regular basis?
But her assessment of friends isn’t really accurate. I have friends who are in their early 20’s and friends who are in their 60’s (I’m 34). Once you hit adulthood, age ceases to matter with regards to friendship.
R-Jud
@JR:
Sorry to hear about your Mom, JR. Mine has been smoking for 45 years now and every night I ask God to let her dodge the bullet. I’ll ask for yours tonight as well.
Genine
@JR:
Hopefully, she’ll pull through. I’ll send positive to her and your whole family.
Take care.
Paul L.
I’m an asshole.
Krista
Really sorry to hear about your mom, JR. Keep us posted, okay?
Genine
@Krista:
I completely agree, Krista. I have friends in all age groups. It’s educational and enriching.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Sorry to hear about your Mom, JR. That’s awful news.
wasabi gasp
Howzabout sticking an invite to guest blog in the Mothers Day card.
David Hunt
I’m reminded of a client of ours (CPA firm) who was in her early 90s. She lived alone, although I think she had some help. My boss told me that her 70 year old son was thinking of moving into some sort of retirement facility and had felt her out about whether she’d like to go there as well. She had flatly rejected the idea. I got the distinct impression that she thought (probably correctly) that whatever quality of life she had would rapidly degrade/disappear if she left her home and that she wouldn’t have lasted long after that.
She was something. She used a cane and walked very slowly but still got around and managed to drive herself to our office…but whenever her annual appointment came due, we’d be sure that there were at least three contiguous unoccupied parking spaces in front of our door. Our lot was laid out so that you had to make a fairly sharp turn get smoothly into a space. She didn’t do those very well. I miss her.
David Hunt
JR,
I just read about your mom. You’ve got my hopes for her.
Krista
John’s mom doing some guest blogging? That would be so full of win I wouldn’t be able to stand it.
Violet
So sorry to hear about your mom, JR. Keep us posted. I hope the news today is hopeful in some way.
John, your mom is teh awesome.
ET
You may not be getting her anything on Mothers Day but just for funny comment I may. Seriously – she is way funny.
wasabi gasp
Wishing you and your mom the best, JR.
John Cole
I edited Paul’s post and deleted Krista’s and Mary’s response. Sometimes it actually is best to just keep walking.
Krista
@ John: You’ll need to edit Violet’s too, as she responded to me. :)
Oy, you’re quoting her now?
The Grand Panjandrum
JR: Sorry to hear about your mother.
@Krista: Man that would be great. Just a couple of stories about John’s youth (you know the stories all moms like to tell EVERYONE) would be perfect. Of course, we need the obligatory embarassing photos posted with it. (I just felt a thrill go up my leg!)
Violet
@Krista:
Yeah! Does she read your blog, John?
Violet
@Krista:
I got deleted too. Just as well as blockquote was effing with me. Whole comment got messed up.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Oh hell, yeah — Mom Cole blogging for the win!
(Good editing, John. Thanks.)
Ivan Ivanovich Renko
@John Cole: That was such a dick move I hope you banned the bastard, too.
PS- your moms is killer! AND she owes me a keyboard. (well, okay, just a paper towel to wipe off the screen.)
Ivan Ivanovich Renko
@Violet: Hey, that would be cool– she could keep us updated on Ginny and Guesly (forgive me, puppeh, if I’ve misspelled your name– I understand JRTs have phenomenal spelling skillz) as well as regale us with tales of your misspent youth.
Truckloads of win, here.
Anphang
@Krista, #16
What she said, in the order that she said it. I must admit, I’m a glutton for sass, myself – my friends and I joke about how people who walked in on us unawares would probably think we were fighting and hated each other’s guts.
BTW, my posts keep doing weird things – like, if I put an @Somebody at the beginning, and put a space after I link the comment, everything I’ve typed disappears.
Anphang
@JR, #9
Your mother, you, and the rest of your family will be in my prayers.
@passerby, #13, R-Jud, #17
I understand a little bit of how y’all feel – I have an aunt who’s been my best friend in our extended family; I came out of the closet to her before I told my own parents. But she’s diabetic and a chain smoker, although thank God she no longer drinks – but the damage has been done; she looks years older than she is. What makes it all the more incredibly frustrating is that she’s a highly-experienced nurse, and knows exactly what that stuff does to you.
alhutch
@John Cole: I mistakenly thought Paul L. had finally come to his senses.
Elroy's Lunch
Like others, very sorry to hear about your mother JR. +1 on the mother-hugs. Some time back my wife’s mother was diagnosed with cancer. We thought we had “time” but she was gone in 2 weeks.
I miss her. Every moment counts.
Zuzu's Petals
@Krista:
It’s allowed, but one must make sympy face while doing so.
The Cat Who Would Be Tunch
@JR:
I’m really sorry to hear that, JR. I wish your mother and your family the best.
Frank
Hilarious…sounds just like my dysfunctional family…
Today’s moment of zen: ‘You can pick friends, but you can’t pick your family’
Corner Stone
@alhutch: I was wondering if he’d lost a bet.
Somehow I think his original post was less than full of win.
WTS – CENSORSHIP!! 1st AMENDMENT! FREEDOM TO TEABAG!
Joshua Norton
At least she’s not busting you chops about wanting grandchildren.
4tehlulz
@alhutch: Me, too. I was about to congratulate him for his first honest post.
Zuzu's Petals
@JR:
Best thoughts, JR.
Kyle
Who wants to be live to be 110? Probably someone who is 109.
28 Percent
It’s not spoof, it’s satire
Edit: this has not been edited by John Cole. Yet
Edit: how did anybody fall for this schtick when I suggested “FAP” as a better name for teabaggers? I mean really.
Edit: FAP!
The Moar You Know
@John Cole: I came in after the fun, apparently. Here I was thinking that Paul had woken up and had a stunning moment of clarity.
Oh well.
lawnorder
ROFL!!!
I see your mom has a great sense of humor :)
Just Some Fuckhead
I’m totally seeing where the hate comes from.
Ella in NM
Hell yes, I want to live to be 110, if I am still mentally and physically able to enjoy life without being a totally miserable burden on everyone. First of all, I expect for a whole lot of us, “100 will be the new 70”. I know I want to keep working at some capacity well into my late seventies. My Dad just retired as an engineer for the DOD at age 74 and he’s bored out of his mind. My aunt was a dental hygienist and still worked part time until she was 80!
As for friends, you’re only as old as you feel, and I already have lots of good friends who are 15 or more years my junior (I’m 47), and we enjoy each other a lot! Also, I expect to have LOTS of extended family, what with the grandchildren and great grandchildren from my four kids to hang out with.
Just Some Fuckhead
@28 Percent: Don’t worry yer pretty head over the humor-challenged. I think yer wonderful.
geg6
@JR:
JR, I’m very sorry. My mom (who, incidentally, John’s mom sounds a lot like) had breast cancer that metastasized into bone cancer. She died in 2001 on Super Bowl Sunday (which was like Christmas in my family). I know how hard that is and I’ll keep you and your mom in my thoughts.
An interesting aside in that is that I got my mom high during her last course of chemo. She used to give me such a hard time about that stuff when I was young. But after years of fighting the cancer and so many courses of chemo, she simply couldn’t eat at all and I asked her one last time if she’d agree to at least try it. She did and her last few months were more comfortable for her in every way and, not only that, she actually gained a little weight and had color in her cheeks. She even refused the morphine in favor of my “pain killer” because it kept her mind clearer, even if it wasn’t as effective against the pain of her bones turning into honey combs. I highly recommend it and so did she.
Betsy
@JR:
So sorry to hear of your mom’s diagnosis – sending good vibes her way and yours.
Cole, your mom rocks.
JR
Thanks, everyone.
anonevent
@The Grand Panjandrum: “Spaghetti Johnny wins.”
Svensker
JR, best to you and your family. Went through the same thing with my mom years ago. Still miss her like heck. Hug your mom a lot.
John, apparently the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.
KRK
@JR: Very sorry to hear about your mom’s diagnosis, JR. My best wishes to her going forward, and to you. And, yes, hugging one’s mom often is good advice. Sometimes they can be gone without warning.
@28 Percent: I thought your proposal was FAPulous.
Ripley
Positive vibes, JR.
John H. Farr
Visit my site and search for “Helen Chronicles” if you want to read about a very different kind of mom… but get drunk first, at least. Actualy, I’d say get drunk three times first, and then take every drug you can get your hands on. Finally, don’t bother to follow my links at all. Easy!
(Some animals do eat their young…)
Nicole
JR, I’m so sorry and please do keep us updated. My mom died from breast cancer when she was 35, which totally sucked. I know how hard it is to face losing the first person who ever knew you, before you even knew yourself. Best wishes for very successful treatment for your mom- the treatments are so much better now than they were back when my mom was sick.
Zoogz
Chiming in to the choir that says “Appreciate them while you can”. I received word an hour or so ago that my father’s surgery was successful. He needed to get eight inches of colon removed due to cancer growing within.
It’s worrisome, because last year he was in the hospital for kidney cancer, and they needed to remove the whole kidney. He’s only 59, by the way, and while he was a smoker in his 20s, he has been clean for at least thirty years now.
He’s the best example I can name for preventative medicine. Get screened; his kidney cancer didn’t show until they took an ultrasound of his near-constant heartburn (and it wasn’t a cause of the heartburn), while the colon cancer showed on a routine colonoscopy.
Best wishes to you and your family as well, JR.
omen
nice try. we all know you’re a spoiled brat.
Sue
Here’s one for you:
My daughter: Behave yourself or I’m going to put you in a nursing home one day.
Me: Only if you promise not to visit me.
My daughter: What? Hey!
Ash Can
JR: Here’s wishing your mom the very best of luck.
As for John’s mom, heh — pwned! Gotta love it.
OT but nonetheless on the subject of pwnage, you’ve also gotta love Hillary Clinton, who made right-wing and PUMA heads everywhere all asplodey with her testimony today in front of the House Foreign Affairs Committee.
“Cheney’s an asshole, Fortenberry, you’re a fucking moron, and Pence, here’s a little history on your own fucking party for you, you dumb prick, seeing as you couldn’t find your own ass if you were sitting on both hands.”
Well, OK, she used MUCH more polite language than that, but the meaning is clear. And yes, I’m linking to a GOS post for purposes of one-stop shopping. Ignore the diarist’s purple prose and focus on Hillary’s comments. It’s worth the effort.
EDIT: For whatever reason, the link dropped a little bit of script in front of my snarky quote and continued on through the next paragraph. It looks weird, but the link still seems to work.
AhabTRuler
@JR: I am very sorry to hear that, I hope that you, your mother, & your family can stay strong.
@John Cole: I was very confused, wondering how Krista and Mary could have been as callous and nasty as Paul L.?! I did finally realize that they were responding to him.
Finally, why wait 40 years to join them? Don’t you ever feel old before your time?
Ash Can
Aw hell. The edit scuttled the link altogether.
Let’s try this again.
Son of Edit: …And the link appears to be back in my original post. I’m going to quit while I’m ahead.
Krista
I think Ash Can broke the blog with that link….yikes.
Krista
There, that’s better. I wasn’t able to click anywhere in the comment box without it bringing me to that Kos link.
And Ash Can, I think the link you were looking for was this one.
(Hopefully it works, and I won’t break the blog too…)
Edit: Nope, there’s something wonky with the link.
Ash Can
Thanks, Krista, but there really is something goofy going on with that link. Sorry I broke your blog, John. If you have a broom, I’ll sweep up the pieces.
Cat Lady
OT of John’s awesome Mom, but the WaPo chat reporter today finally said, sort of, reluctantly, the “T” word…
“Let’s be honest..”
Yes, let’s.
Nicole
Hey, Ash Can,
I found my way to the article- thanks. The only part that made me crazy was, as well-phrased as her response, was, Hillary perpetuating the right-wing bs nonsense that Margaret Sanger was a racist. And it seems the left buys it, too- in 715 comments about Hillary’s talk, I don’t think anyone addressed it.
Here’s Planned Parenthood’s statement on her:
Statement on Sanger
My favorite attack in the “Really! Sanger was a racist!” arsenal is that she set up birth control clinics in black neighborhoods. Because nothing says “I hate minorities” like giving them a choice. (facedesk)
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Daily KOS on Hillary
… seems to work so far
geg6
OT, but I know there are some Lawrence O’Donnell groupies here (like me, lately anyway).
LO just absolutely owned Phil Musser on Nora O’Donnell’s show this afternoon. Watch it. He’s absolutely awesome. Is he auditioning for something on MSNBC or something? Because he’s been on fire!
Cat Lady
@geg6:
Agreed- huge fan of his here – another great Boston liberal.
I think he’s just got some mighty righteous indignation, and it’s genuine – he doesn’t have to lie. It seems like he’s just had it right. up. to. here.
The Moar You Know
@Cat Lady: I have noticed a profound fear of the “torture” word by our fine media outlets.
I have also noticed that Cheney has been squalling like a fucking baby in a week-old diaper about all this.
I wonder what’s got him so uptight? It’s almost like he’s scared of something.
Blue Raven
It warms my heart to be able to say that Sec. Clinton kicked hardcore ass.
asiangrrlMN
JR, sorry to hear about your mom. Keep us updated.
geg6, I’ve been liking O’Donnell a lot lately–ever since he’s gotten fiery. I think he’s finally reached his tipping point for bullshit.
John Cole, your mom rocks.
Cat Lady
@The Moar You Know:
Cheney knows he’s screwed. He may not end up in jail, but everyone will know what a sick twisted evil fuck he is. The thing is, the second that Obama said he wouldn’t prosecute the boots on the ground torturers, Cheney knew he was screwed. One by one, bit by bit, those guys will talk. First one, then the next one, and then it will be a runaway train of disgusting details, all pointing at Cheney, who, mark my words, knew of and approved every detail. That’s why we’re going to see him all over Fox News every chance he gets, pushing the “I kept us safe” bullshit. It’s all he’s got. Get your popcorn ready. Even the WaPo and the Times will be calling it torture.
JL
JR, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Please keep us updated. Hugs!
asiangrrlMN
@Cat Lady:
I sincerely hope so. Of all the thugs involved in the last administration, Cheney is the one I most want to see in jail.
Lesley
Maybe she’s afraid you’ll bring Tunch with you.
LD50
My mom spent 4 years slowly shutting down from kidney failure. In the middle of that, she resumed smoking, after having quit for 12 years. Considering all her other issues, I didn’t have the heart to get on her case about it. Smoking didn’t even make the top 5 list of things that were likely to finish her off.
LD50
I think the waterboarded-6.1-times-a-day-for-a-month memo convinced everyone it was torture. The trend I’m starting to see in Wingnuttia is to call it torture but STILL defend it.
Cat Lady
@LD50:
At least the WaPo and the Times have moved off of “enhanced” interrogation, and on to “harsh” interrogation. There may be another step or two before torture. “Excessively painful” perhaps. “Mindlessly brutal” maybe.
LD50
Ironic, given that the rightwing’s modern stance is that black neighborhoods are the only place where they WOULD want birth control clinics.
ErinSiobhan
@JR
Having been through the cancer journey with my dad, I’m hoping for the best possible outcome for your mom. It’s a bumpy road, to say the least, and sometimes humour and hugs are all you have. Don’t forget the hugs.
John H. Farr
Buncha people showing up at FarrFeed from here, whether to read the “Helen Chronicles” or not. But I’ll make it easy for ya: just go here and find “Helen Chronicles: Part I” to read them in context.
Sort of a counterpoint to all the “nice” mother stuff. If you have one of those, thank your ever-lovin’ lucky stars.
Litlebritdifrnt
@Joshua Norton:
*sigh* my mother does things like write “I just wish you had the joy of knowing how wonderful it is to have a daughter like you” in birthday cards and such. She has three grandaughters (albeit by my adopted sister) but it seems that she has this NEED for me to reproduce. Sorry, isn’t going to happen I am 49, and unless I suddenly get all broody and go for expensive fertility treatments it is not going to happen. What the hell is wrong with grand-dogs and cats anyway?
Litlebritdifrnt
@Ash Can:
Can I gush a little here? As everyone knows I was pro Obama, and anti Hillary during the primary. But let us give credit where it is due. Hillary kicked ass during that exchange and she laid out her loyalty to the president for all to see. The sound you hear in the background is the PUMA’s collective heads exploding.
binzinerator
@Paul L.:
Christ finally the truth from this asshole.
And yes Paul L. I agree. Yes I do. No argument here. You win.
binzinerator
and yeah, I know it was John Cole. But still.