As a single person who enjoys being unhappy, I may be biased about this issue, but it seems to me that there are far too many books, studies, and the like being written on “how to be happy” and the “nature of love”.
I haven’t read any of these, but there are tell-tale signs they are bullshit: they show up regularly in the columns of Ross Douthat and David Brooks, they inspire overuse of the word “we” (“why we need happiness”, etc.), I’ve heard them discussed on NPR, and Slate has a “Happiness Project” blog, just to cite a few examples.
Am I being too cynical here or is the proliferation of happiness studies indicative of something sad and pathetic about contemporary America?
JDM
No to 1, yes to 2
gex
I think they think that if they can keep the masses fat and happy, they’ll never get called out on their shit. So far, so good. Although there have been a few grumblings lately.
Oh, and not being single isn’t exactly the route to unadulterated bliss, either.
A Mom Anon
I agree Doug. I’m wary of all self help books,seminars,experts/gurus,blah,blah. The only people they really help are the authors. NO ONE is happy all the time. There are times when it’s really ok to be sad,pissed or whatever”negative”emotion is there. I’d argue that it’s unhealthy to never be sad or to feel guilty about being sad. One big problem I think we have in this country is that we don’t seem to raising young people up to handle disappointment and sadness. Which leads to people with terrible tempers,overprescriptions of anti-depressants,addictions,and alot of messed up attitudes towards other people(like they are responsible for your happiness and it’s their fault when you’re not happy).
I think there’s way too many spoiled brats in America and this crap is a huge part of why.
SpotWeld
I’m equating it to the boom in musical theater during the great depression.
Spiffy McBang
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/happiness-3-amazing-tips-from-the-worlds-oldest-case-study-479340/
72 years spent on this study and we get an article that manages to pull three lessons from it. Anyone that doesn’t spend 72 years on their own study is obviously full of shit.
By the way, here’s the actual Atlantic article on the study: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness
McWyrm
Wow – a transparently shallow critique. If you don’t like happiness studies, say something bad about them. This is just so much foul air. It certainly doesn’t function as a critique, and it only barely functions as an open thread.
Lame.
The Moar You Know
These are people who desperately need to feel as though they are on a team – it shows in everything from their attraction to charismatic Hitlerian leaders to their rabid insistence that heterosexual marriage is the ne plus ultra of human existence while simultaneously taking the 9:15 express to Argentina – their pathos is so thick and sad you could cut it with a knife.
And yeah, what gex said – “not being single isn’t exactly the route to unadulterated bliss”
Understatement of the year and quite possibly of my entire lifetime.
Tom G
Way back a few years, when Dennis Prager was still worth listening to (yes he was, but that was a decade ago), he had a “Happiness Hour” every Friday. I kind of enjoyed his show back then. But I haven’t listened to him since around 2002.
schrodinger's cat
My recipe for happiness, stop reading the op-ed pgs of NYT and Wash Post, especially the idiots who were wrong about everything. Also, stop watching the Sunday talk shows and the gibberish on cable.
David Brooks is an idiot, who has little knowledge of what he is talking about, when he strays from politics. He seems to know nothing about science or economics. It is sad state of affairs that he passes for a great thinker in our culture.
valdemar
Married people live longer than single people. So, if you want a long, slow death get married.
DougJ
At least you’re conceding the transparency part.
Morbo
And the banner ad is for dianetics.org. Coincidence? I think not.
Evinfuilt
Happiness and Self-Help books are all about making money for the author, continually. They teach you that everything is in your control, so just being happy makes it all better. They teach you to be blind to outside forces, that if you’re having too much trouble you’re not clapping hard enough.
“The Secret” is the most evil book put to print, its not happiness or self-help, its pure self blame and its addictive for a lot of people.
Hillary Rettig / www.lifelongactivist.com
I disagree. And, for full disclosure, I’m someone who has written a self-help book for progressives, activists, artists and other – The Lifelong Activist ( http://www.lifelongactivist.com ) – and works as a life/career coach.
The fact that people are starting to take individual happiness as a serious goal is a wonderful thing. Some of the comments here make me wonder what planet you all are living on. I look around and see some happy people and couples – and many, many unhappy ones – as well as many who are settling or treading water. Why do that if you don’t have to? Why the assumption that a happy, fulfilled life should come easily or automatically – particularly when we live in a society that promotes cruddy values?
One of the happiness book is written by Ben Tal Shahir, whose class on attaining happiness happens to be the most popular at Harvard. Do people here really think Harvard students are that naive and gullible? I don’t – I think they recognize what’s important, and also that the class itself is a good investment of their time.
btw, those who object to these books are allied with far right extremists (e.g., Wendy Kaminer and Sally Satel) who decry what they call an addiction to therapy (call it “therapism”). You have to ask yourself just why does the right hate the idea that people can work toward their own happiness.
Of course, there are hucksters in all fields – and some happiness stuff (like The Secret) is in my view irresponsible at best. However, I come from high tech and business background and take what I hope is a rational, problem solving approach to my work. Happiness typical comes from living a life that’s both conscious and congruent with one’s values and talents, and there are some key skills that let one do that: managing one’s mission, managing one’s time, managing one’s fears (overcoming procrastination, perfectionism and blocks to success). And, you know what – that path works: it creates happiness.
Sorry if any of this crossed the line into self-promotion, but y’all asked.
geg6
It’s the same thing as the self-esteem movement. And completely shallow and selfish in nature. Self as the center of the universe. I have no desire to be happy all the time. Anger, outrage, and despair can be constructive emotions if used to advance useful things, say getting a rational national health care plan. And anyone who thinks love will bring happiness has never been in love.
Little Dreamer
As someone who has had very little of anything resembling that concept called happiness, I can tell you that it’s nothing more than a marketing ploy, and the worst part of it is, they start this marketing in our childhood with fairy tales that suggest “happily ever after”. It’s a lie. No one is really ever truly happy. It’s taken me until only very recently to figure this out though. I tried to find happiness, it doesn’t exist.
Johnny B. Guud
You answered your own question. That we need to read books, attend seminars, etc., to learn to “be happy” says it all. We are generally a miserable culture. We just numb the pain with a disturbingly high rate of consumption on superflorous gadgets and food, while enjoying the misfortunes and evnying the “success” of others (see Jon & Kate, American Idol, etc.)
Which sort of leads to the point A Mom Anon made:
My stepdaughter was telling me about this talent show she was in. I was helping her with her act and I told her someting to the effect of “if you want the prize for first you should try so and so.” Her response was (paraphrasing): “well, it doesn’t matter, because you get a prize just for participating so that nobody’s feelings are hurt.”
This wasn’t kindgergarten we’re talking about here, this is SIXTH GRADE!
This is probably a simplistic example, but I think it makes the point.
scav
yah-hooey! I’ve always had the sneaking suspicion that most Americans confused the right to pursue happiness with the right to happiness which quickly morphed to the duty to be happy. Bah Humbug, I have also always said. I don’t much like ruts.
guster
I’m of two minds about this. While I pretty much agree, the other side is this: my wife was raised in a family that valued happiness. I was not. So she had an awareness of things that make her happy that I didn’t (I do now, we’ve been–happily!–married for 20 years). And that’s really a tremendously valuable thing.
I still mock her for being shallow, but actually there’s a level of self-care and gentleness that comes from an orientation toward happiness that I hadn’t known before her. For example, I worked at a job for a long time that I insisted I loved because it was _exactly_ the job I’d wanted to get. It made me miserable, but because I didn’t really value happiness, I’d intended to keep working there. There were other virtues the job offered, and the misery didn’t _overtly_ bother me.
I dunno about these ‘why we should be happy’ books,, and probably I was an extremely outlier in the other direction, but I think there’s a great deal of value here.
Frank
It’s analogous to the self-help section of a bookstore–persons trying to find on the outside something that has to come from the inside.
Bob In Pacifica
I grew up in the age of transactional analysis (“I’m OK, You’re OK”), transcendental meditation, LSD, etc., so I don’t think that selling the path to happiness is anything new.
Which reminds me. There was a day years ago when my then-wife was talking out loud about the things she was going to do after I’d died. Since I wasn’t planning on dying and was pretty young and healthy at the time this was a little disconcerting. She had conceptualized a future happiness that was based on my death! As much as I tried to make that marriage work, I find that I am much happier now that it’s over. And I don’t have to count the steak knives before I go to bed.
David
There is a larger focus on positive psychology in the last decade because academic psychologists focused for a very long time on dysfunction and reasons for unhappiness rather why people are happy.
One of my odder experiences with positive psychology in a conference was to go to a session on POS – positive organizational psychology, not perceived organizational support, and be grouped for “appreciative listening”. I had to bail before I started becoming happy with the session.
harlana pepper
How do you quantify or qualify happiness? Who decides what happiness is? The social pressure to be “happy” (regardless of how miserable your immediate society may be underneath) is enough to make one depressed.
gex
In any event, the way to be happy is not to listen to some cranky old gasbags telling you you aren’t happy enough and you need to buy some shit in order to learn how to be happy. We’ve been buying shit to make us happy for a while now, and it hasn’t worked.
Edit: @SGEW: Excellent choice of relevant quote. Hey, I wonder if anyone has hotlinked to a later comment before?
Incertus
Its long smelled to me like a cure in search of a disease. Far as I’m concerned, the secret to a happy life was summed up by Joseph Campbell (who was only echoing the wisdom of aeons past) who said “Follow your bliss.”
SGEW
“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”
-Mark Twain
Blue Neponset
You dress in the manner of a male prostitute!
-The Sphinx
Demo Woman
Happiness is turning off Morning Joe.
geg6
My question is what exactly is the goal here? Does anyone believe for a minute that all happiness all the time would lead to a better life? How could that be? How would you even value that happiness if you have nothing to compare it to? Not to mention that you’d have to go through life completely clueless to everything going on around you. And how exactly would that make you happy? Sorry, but it’s just stupid. Life is tough enough without setting completely unattainable and unrealistc goals that have no real meaning like this idea of “happiness.”
harlana pepper
Also, I’d be a tad wary of David Brooks’ personal estimation of what qualifies as “happiness.”
cmohrnc
Oh, what a beautiful mor-ning
Oh, what a beautiful daaaay
I’ve got a wonderful feeee-ling
Everything’s go-ing my way…
Geez, what a bunch of grumps you folks are.
BTW:
A couple of the other lines to that classic Rogers & Hammerstein song are:
“All the cattle are standing like statues”
-and
“The corn is as high as an elephant’s eye”
Clearly the problem is that we’re living in states like California, Michigan, etc. instead of Oklahoma, where they’ve figured out that the secret to happiness lies with one’s one-ness with cattle and corn.
cosanostradamus
.
The proliferation of “How To Be Happy” books stems from the 2008 crash in the market for “How To Be Unhappy” books, is all. Also, they make better movies, according to Disney.
Same thing happened with McDonalds’ wildly successful post-9/11 “Unhappy Meal.” The Unhappy Crash has been linked to the easing of security globally since the end of the Bush years. Previously, walking around with a smile on your face could have gotten you Gitmo’d. Now, no worries. It’s like Bobby McFerrin is in the White House.
They were going to make an Unhappy movie about Michael Jackson. Now they’re trying to figure out how to retool it as a Happy movie.
He’s still dead, you know. All the cable channels say so, on their Happy Morning News. But it’s all good.
.
Punchy
Perhaps in a recession happiness books sell better; ergo, more poorer people trying to make money by writing more love books, only to flood the market and kill it, making everyone more unhappy than before.
harlana pepper
Maybe people should stop running after Oprah-esque personal happiness and, instead, try to help other, less fortunate people be, if not happy, at the very least, well-fed and comfortable.
Oh, and remember the books about how to not only be happy, but financially successful?! Hoohahaha!
JK
I’d say it’s one of several indices. The sickening state of our news media is also indicative of something sad and pathetic about contemporary America. Just look at the insane media feeding frenzy over the deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. I don’t care how beloved these two celebs were, devoting 18-19 minutes out of 23 minutes from all 3 network newscasts on Day 1, when the news first broke, was a travesty, an outrage, and a fucking disgrace to journalism.
I studiously avoid reading David Brooks and Ross Douthat because I know they are completely full of it.
Buffalopundit
If you “enjoy being unhappy”, that’s sort of a double-negative, the net result of which is that you’re happy. Right? Anyone?
A Mom Anon
@guster:
I think your wife(from what you wrote) was raised to be appreciative of what she has and being free to figure out who she is,which is way different than chasing after external things to find “happiness”. This chasing things and being disappointed because it’s not perfect for you is a disease,it’s not a pursuit of happiness.
There are WAY too many teenagers(and adults really) who lose it totally when their boy/girlfriend break up with them. I’m talking stalking and physical violence,not the normal sadness and anger. That is connected to being sheltered from disappointment or not always being The Winner. This is one symptom of a much bigger problem.
harlana pepper
@McWyrm: Wow, you sound like a really unhappy person!
DougJ
Maybe I should write a book about this.
gex
@geg6: It comes down to that conservative mindset. There’s good and there’s evil. Happiness is good. Therefore it is really, really bad to not be happy. Now, can I interest you in my book full of platitudes and obvious statements?
Buffalopundit
@DougJ: I think it’s a sine qua non of living in western New York State.
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Happiness is more complicated than we think. I really liked Dan Gilbert’s Stumbling on Happiness; you can get a taste through his TED Talks here and here.
harlana pepper
I used to think happiness was watching a hypocritical republican leader go down in dramatic, whipping flames, but such things are so profligate now, it’s getting downright boring
slightly_peeved
Until the numbers of people who are happy all the time significantly outnumber the number of people who suffer depression or commit suicide, I reckon there aren’t enough books talking about people’s right to be happy. And unless anyone here has a full-proof way of explaining to a suicidal person why they shouldn’t be suicidal, I guess we’ll get people trying a few different approaches to the problem.
There are a lot of people out there who feel guilty at being happy. There are people who are never happy. There are a lot of people (some in this very thread) who seem to think there’s something wrong with being happy; that it is a state to be greeted with suspicion.
Self-help books follow the ‘90% of anything is bullshit rule’ as well as anything else. Especially “The Secret”, since it portrays self-confidence as a path to material success rather than as a path to a feeling of inner well-being. Certainly, some of the self-help books are exploitative, or of little long-term value. But I’d rather have a culture where people are told they have a right to be happy than the “toil all your life, and hope God is merciful” attitude of your late 19th and early 20th centuries.
rachel
@Little Dreamer:
Back when the phrase “happily ever after” was coined, it only meant that the heroes didn’t have any more unlucky things happen (there’s that morpheme ‘hap’ again) to them after the story ended. It did not mean that the remainder of their lives was completely joyful or that they didn’t have quarrels, snotty kids, wrinkles or other comparatively minor irritations; they just didn’t have to deal with that darned witch’s spell, or the dragon, or poverty again.
DougJ
You’re probably right. That’s why I like not liking living here.
Andrew
I think that being Ross Douthat’s wife might be the worst job in the entire world.
BigSwami
All the talk about happiness and peace of mind is just talk until someone is willing to pursue it seriously.
The Other Steve
@A Mom Anon: I’m not sure you can blame that on being sheltered from disappointment.
The individuals I have seen react the poorest are the ones who have lived their entire life neck deep in disappointment.
The Other Steve
I am going to write a book on how to be happy.
First Chapter: Find something to do.
I have to figure out the other 29 chapters yet. Perhaps I can write chapters on stamp collecting, bird watching, woodworking, cleaning the house and drinking heavily as examples of things to do.
harlana pepper
It seems the societal norm is to avoid people who are indeed unhappy and honest about it. How many times have you walked around with a lump in your throat and your heart breaking and, when someone asks how you’re doing, you flash a beaming smile and say “FINE! Thanks” since you know they *really* don’t want to know the truth, even though you’re dying inside. They are too absorbed in their *own* issues to bother with someone else’s troubles.
Jonathan Lundell
And yet … Al Green.
Morbo
@Andrew: Agreed. It’s safe to assume she does not have to worry much about “romantic excess.”
harlana pepper
@rachel: And also, living past 30
Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse
Al Green? Hell, YEAH!
(Oh, and Belle, even though I’m not Christian.)
slightly_peeved
It may be different in the US, but one great change in Australia over the past few years, thanks to the work of charities such as Beyond Blue and the Black Dog Foundation, is the lowering of a major taboo against admitting depression. Lots of public figures – former heads of state governments, cricket and football stars – have admitted to depression or other mental illnesses. And the community is developing greater awareness that just telling these people “Chin up! Things could be worse” is not the best way of addressing the issue.
I figure that self-help books aren’t necessarily working against this; at least the good ones aren’t. Part of being more happy with one’s life is being willing to talk to people about one’s problems; the decent self-help books stress this.
Maybe in the US this has already happened, and people have got so comfortable with such issues that fear of depression (or anti-depression) has overcome the issue of depression. If so, good on you – your healthcare system is doing something well. It seems like we have a way to go in Australia on this issue, and I’ll accept self-help books as a fellow-traveller in the cause, even if it’s one that talks shit some of the time.
Little Dreamer
@rachel:
Sorry, but, that’s not what I got from the message as a child, and I think you’re thinking this through with the aid of adult wisdom, not from the mind of a child who was subjected to the message.
I blame Disney now for the fact that they made me believe in such a thing, as it completely wasted a big part of my life. When I found love, happiness didn’t follow afterward. All I found were pain and misery. Love Hurts! We live in a fucked up world where people are hurting and in pain because of a plethora of different reasons (many stemming from having screwed up childhoods) and loving someone doesn’t mean you’ll be happy as a result.
DougJ
I see your point, but I wonder if the “Be Happy, Damn It” books are really fellow-travelers.
schrodinger's cat
He is married?
Johnny B. Guud
OT-
SCOTUS rules in favor of white firefighters in the New Haven, CT case…
gex
@DougJ: “Be Happy, Dammit” ought to work for our authoritarian friends. But it does counter the rest of Douthat’s and Brooks’ and message which is that DFHs are coming to destroy America and gay marry your kids – panic!
Little Dreamer
Nope, sorry, try again.
Many of us Americans are on drugs to stave off such feelings, because we can’t come to grips with them.
harlana pepper
@Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse: Cue funky organ music . . .
guster
@A Mom Anon: Yeah, I actually think that the over-the-top reactions you describe (ie, stalking) are pretty obvious indications of unhappiness. My wife often relies on external things for happiness-boosts, but what she does is, she pays attention to herself. She attends to her own happiness. So when something makes her genuinely happy–even if it’s as trivial as tiramisu–she files that away.
When you learn to honor your own happiness, I think you’ve learned a way to -not- engage in crazy self-defeating behavior. Like pursuing someone who’s not interested in you, or staying in a job you hate.
I’m sure there are people who think they’re pursuing happiness when they’re in fact pursuing obsession, but that’s not a problem with _happiness_.
different church-lady
In their lives there’s something lacking
What they need’s a damn good whacking…
(As I sit here, trying to untangle the endless tax mistakes in my paycheck and constantly remind myself that comparatively, “I’ve got it good… I’ve got it good…”)
slightly_peeved
I’ve read only a few in the genre: bits of “I’m OK, You’re OK”, “Instant Calm”, and “Learned Optimism”. In none of those did I get the message that people were supposed to be happy, all the time. More that people shouldn’t always assume the worst, or be in a permanent state of stress, or deal with any confrontation by yelling.
As I said before though, “The Secret” or any book that sells material success along with the inner peace is bullshit. And lots of people would probably feel better if they spent the money on a cat, instead. Unless it was Tunch, in which case they’d at least have something specific to be terrified of.
marcel
For true happines, see this
DougJ
I can’t agree with any of that.
harlana pepper
My needs these days are simple. I’ll be content with the occasional Lily, Tunch and Ginny & Guesly clips/pics. The pinnacle will be when Lily finally gets her ears up.
Comrade Sock Puppet of the Great Satan
There was an interesting article in the Economist’s science section on a depression study in young women:
Johnny B. Guud
I disagree.
I give you, John Lennon:
Little Dreamer
@Comrade Sock Puppet of the Great Satan:
But.. but… didn’t you know? We can achieve ANYTHING if we just put our mind to it. Happiness books sell delusion.
slightly_peeved
Depression is a medical condition. Asking some people to “come to grips with it” is like asking a schizophrenic to “come to grips” with the voices inside their head. Sometimes the drugs are overprescribed, but a lot of times the drugs help.
Also, if the “how to be happy” books aren’t out there, how exactly do people come to grips with depression? Talk to other people? Before these books came out, depression just wasn’t talked about. It still isn’t talked about enough. And lumping all the books on happiness into one category and deriding them isn’t going to open the dialogue any.
different church-lady
@Johnny B. Guud:
slightly_peeved
Are you Peter Hoekstra? If so, stop twittering and get out of the rain.
jenmcb
I agree with McWyrm, Doug J —
Your critique is transparently shallow and lame.
And you are double-lame for making your snide comment to McWyrm.
Where was your critique? Did you talk about the evidence in the studies?
No, you were just striking a pose.
Lame.
Little Dreamer
@slightly_peeved:
personally I believe in talking about it, but many people don’t. It’s very hard to find people who are willing to talk about such things, so for those who want/need to talk about it, quite often they have to pay someone to listen.
I disagree that depression is only a medical condition, I’m a depressive person, and it’s not medical in my case, it’s because of situations in my life not being optimal to me being unconcerned and unstressed. If I was unconcerned and unstressed with the situations in my life, I would be psychotic. I was unhappy and stressed, therefore I was diagnosed as depressed.
I will agree there are a whole lot of people who are prescribed drugs for even temporary conditions of unhappiness. We live in a “medicate it away” culture and quite often don’t even try to discover the root causes of such things.
Cyrus
It seems odd to combine the two issues. There are plenty of people in couples who remain miserable, or people who are miserable because they are in couples.
FWIW, personally, I’m single and don’t have much of a sex life at all. (Or to put a positive spin on it, I’m in a relationship that’s becoming serious, just very slowly.) And overall, I’m happy. I have good days and bad days, of course, and I’m a little afraid of never finding someone, but it’s hard to say that the emotional status of being in a relationship is really that much better or worse than not. Some problems are more serious and others are less serious, but they’re all different. Same for the good points.
Also, @Hillary Rettig / http://www.lifelongactivist.com:
Wow, go to hell. An appeal to authority (of course Harvard students can be naive and gullible) in one sentence and guilt by association (agreeing with far-right extremists in terms this broad is about as relevant as the fact that Hitler was a vegetarian) in the next? I guess we should be grateful for the full disclosure, but if your writing here demonstrates the same thought process as your professional writing, you’re definitely one of the quacks people are so suspicious of.
slightly_peeved
I agree; I think that these books are at least part of a dialogue on the issue. The dialogue certainly needs to improve – some of these books are awful – but it’s better than no dialogue at all.
I didn’t mean to imply it was “only”, just that there are people for whom it is a medical condition. If it isn’t for you, that’s great; best of luck in dealing with those difficult situations. And hopefully, more people talk about this stuff; A bigger and better dialogue about the issue means everyone’s more likely to get what they need, whether that be medicine, therapy, or just someone to talk to. And hopefully it means the people who make the crappy self-help books get less sales.
Ed Drone
The Declaration of Independence put forth the goals of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” so why denigrate people who need a guide-book in their pursuit?
That said, I think we’d be a lot better off if the original of the Declaration’s phrase was used: “life, liberty, and property.” No BS about your inner feelings, just look at your bottom line. I also think that people would be lots more used to disappointment if we didn’t think of “happiness” as something one can chase, but instead used money as a yardstick. Of course, we do use money as a measure, but it shouldn’t be equated with a feeling of contentment, just with what it is.
Ed
Little Dreamer
Don’t forget “resolution of the problem” in that results set. While resolution may not be easily obtained, if it can be resolved, that is the best answer.
Rook
Oh, the “Feel Good Book” movement has been around for about 1700 years. At least, the first one was written back then. Some call it the bible today. Today’s crop of “Feel Good Books” just follow it’s model.
DougJ
It wasn’t meant to be snide.
biwah
Re the issue of too many happiness studies:
Doesn’t this partially back up Douthat? The attempt to to reduce marital happiness to a formula or an intellectual puzzle sounds like the self-talk of the educated & professional classes – which was one of Douthat’s central points. I also give him points for not trying to prescribe some (politically loaded) answer, other than in jest.
Little Dreamer
@Ed Drone:
Materialism is not the answer to all problems.
Are you really this shallow?
I grew up in a millionaire family, I can tell you some of the most miserable people are those with money.
LD50
All these books about happiness are really starting to piss me off.
gex
Somewhat related: I’ve been foregoing treatment for my depression. A few years back I tried to purchase some life insurance to protect my girlfriend (no marriage = needing a lot more money to protect each other if something happens to one of us). No one would give me a policy because of my recent history of being treated for depression. So I’ve been off meds and therapy for a few years and hope to get a life insurance policy as soon as a sufficient amount of time has passed.
CeriConversion
British complaints about Americans’ weird obsession with happiness were common enough that Benjamin Franklin addressed it in several of his letters to the Times of London in the 1760s and common enough that it was one of Whitman’s recurring bugaboos a century later.
It’s not widely known that Franklin was very much a father of blogging in his use of trolling, too. Viz:
LD50
Wow. I wish I was as cool as you are. A devastating critique.
PeakVT
is the proliferation of happiness studies indicative of something sad and pathetic about contemporary America?
I think combining economic insecurity, economic inequality, and conspicuous consumption (and the relentless flogging of it on teevee) creates a lot of unease or outright fear. Thus I believe passing good health care reform would do much for the country’s state of mind.
But I might be just arguing for a pre-ordained conclusion there. The US ranks fairly high in happiness studies. So maybe all the self-help books do help.
dancinfool
The reason is because since 1776, Americans have confused happiness with the
pursuit of happiness.
srv
Yes, it is extremely pathetic that every time I turn to my PBS superstation, Deepak Chopra or what-not is having group therapy.
Seriously, I wanted to create some purple dinosaur kids show with David Carridine doing the voice and teaching kids to kick sappy emotive adults’ asses. Samuel Jackson would just be too expensive.
RedKitten (formerly Krista - the Canadian one)
I think that a lot of people get really confused when they talk about being happy. Certain people think that being happy means that you’re always “having fun”, and that is really pretty much impossible for any human being. So if that is what you see as being happy, and that is what you are striving for, then of course you are going to be disappointed.
To my mind, happiness means having overall contentment with your life, in its current state. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t things you’d improve. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have stresses or issues or problems. It just means that even with those issues, you’re still pretty content with your life. I think that people who look at happiness that way, overall, really ARE happier, because they don’t expect life to always be a fiesta of happiness and perfection.
Overall, I’d say I’m a happy person. Yes, I’ve got some stresses (some of them rather major right now), but I’m very optimistic about things working out, and there are some aspects of my life (such as my marriage) about which I wouldn’t change a thing. Other people might look at my life and think, “Oh god, that poor girl, living out in the boonies, and making terrible wages at a job that will likely be eliminated in the next 3 months, and her in her third trimester too! She must be so miserable!” They’d be welcome to think that – in the meantime, I’ll be sitting out on my front porch with some lemonade, looking out onto the river, happy as a clam.
DougJ
Sort of. But it also bothers me that he isn’t doing something like proposing solutions to health care reform. He’s got a column at the Times and all he ever writes is “sucks to be a Democrat with all these problems” or stuff about happiness.
Johnny B. Guud
I disagree with that wholehearedly. The Bible is not about making you “feel good”. It’s about a constant feeling of guilt and despair.
We’re all doomed to the fiery cauldron of hell unless, you know, you hand over your 10% and pray. Really hard.
Not much to feel good about there.
Little Dreamer
@Johnny B. Guud:
Well, there is, but only if you’re saved by the blood of Jesus (not that I believe that, just stating what those Krisjuns believe).
Cyrus
Since there’s a bit of sharing going on here, I’ll say that I have/have had a mild case of depression. I was medicated for it for a couple years, in addition to seeing a therapist. I have been both off meds and out of therapy for several months now, and the previous comment about “overall, I’m happy” applies to the current period. I wish I could somehow decouple the effects of the two, so I could say “this good period was a result of the SSRIs, that one was thanks to therapy, and the one before it was just from a fun weekend hanging out with friends” and determine whether the medication or therapy helped me more, but it’s never that simple of course.
That being said, I’m baffled by the criticism of DougJ here. do McWyrm and jenmcb seriously think there’s never any self-indulgence at all in deep soul-searching? No quackery or snake-oil among all these self-appointed gurus? No inappropriately easy answers being sought and given to complex questions, or vice versa?
Also, this isn’t a particularly American thing. Focusing on the word choices in the Declaration of Independence is bizarre. I don’t know to what extent the genre of self-help books and the trend of medicating depression exist in other countries and cultures, but I do know they’re out there.
gex
@Johnny B. Guud: I don’t know. The Gospels sell themselves, right there in the name, as Good News.
Johnny B. Guud
@gex: Yeah. As in “Great news! You are already predetermined to go to hell, unless you obey our rituals…”
It’s like a magazine subscription notice.
DougJ
BTW, I’m not criticizing all self-help books. There’s just something about the current crop of “Get Happy” books that I find depressing. I don’t like the sense of judgement that it’s your responsibility to be happy and if you’re not, you’re a failure. That bothers me.
DougJ
I think I speak for everyone here when I wish you the best of luck in dealing with depression.
LD50
Where does this fall on the Feel Bad Rainbow?
drunken hausfrau
happiness is a dry martini…
Cyrus
@DougJ:
Heh, thanks, but don’t worry about it. Like I said, overall, I’m happy. I wouldn’t have thought we needed to put a face on the problem or whatever, except for the examples of Little Dreamer, gex and RedKitten’s (formerly Krista – the Canadian one), and slightly_peeved saying that in Australia there’s a deliberate push to get people to talk about it more.
Drugs help sometimes. Therapy helps sometimes. I don’t know from experience whether self-help books do, but I can easily believe that they’re good sometimes too. (In fact, there’s a book I was urged to read once that didn’t do anything for me, but now that I think of it, maybe it would be better for someone in my position today than the position I was in back then. Maybe I should dust it off.)
LD50
What was that line that Svetlana said in the Sopranos? That Americans expect life to be good, and so they’re always upset when it isn’t, while people in the rest of the world expect life to be bad, and “they are not disappointed”.
harlana pepper
@gex: Yup, my bipolar II diagnosis, same thing, denied coverage. Paying out of the ass to be in a state pool with dismal coverage, but I had to have breast surgery for a DCIS a couple of years ago, so I’m afraid to go without catastrophic insurance. As far as your situation goes, I can think of no better reason for all Americans to have affordable health care than what you just described. This is not the way it’s supposed to be.
Jeezum Crow
ROFLMAO… If laughter’s the best medicine, you’ve got an MD for sure. Or at least an ScM.
If you were actually trying to be serious, your average Harvard undergrad is a very sheltered, upper middle class kid who has been fed a diet of self-esteem boosters, inherited entitlement issues, and the notion that all you need to make it in this world are good grades and well-rounded extracurriculars. And those that aren’t exactly that naive and gullible can still appreciate the GPA-boosting abilities of a 3 credit self-help class.
Johnny B. Guud
What Jeezum Crow said…
fuyura
I’ve always remembered this (although I just had to go look it up to get it right) from Cabell’s Figures of Earth. Manuel has served a supernatural being and is now being offered his reward:
“I have seen but one happy person,” Manuel replied. “He sat in a dry ditch, displaying vacant glittering eyes, and straws were tangled in his hair, but Tom o’ Bedlam was quite happy. No, it is not happiness I desire.”
DougJ
FTW
Phoebe
First off, Bob in Pacifica @21 – HA! That was fabulous. Congratulations. Really.
Ok: I think the self help books are just a newer version of philosophy books, unsophisticated maybe, for a mass audience certainly, and the philosophy is either stupid or not. Get Happy! books included.
I do think a lot of a person’s unhappiness – particularly in this land of plenty – is due to things inside one’s control. I had a friend who used to complain to me constantly about his life. I’d bite, and try to figure out ways for him to solve his problems, or whatever. After awhile – with the really obvious, easily solved ones, I’d notice he’d get a little pouty when conceding the solution, and then just start complaining again. He was a vampire and he drained me of all life with this garbage. He just wanted to complain. It was a placebo somehow, and he didn’t want to put it down and actually try a solution.
I have so much more respect for anyone who picks up a Get Happy! book.
Maude
@Cyrus: at 11:08 a.m.
I second your Hillary Rettig comment.
Blue Raven
@RedKitten (formerly Krista – the Canadian one):
Precisely.
I’m someone else who has clinical depression. Not bipolar; my house would be lots cleaner. Without my medication, I cannot be arsed to care unless it’s bad news, at which point I’m a paradoxical pig in shit. Life is supposed to suck to my unmedicated brain. This is insidious without being actively suicidal. But the happy pills do not make me perky. They make it possible for me to gain perspective. See what really does work and what doesn’t. And find contentment when I realize I’m doing well enough in the aggregate while still able to see where I need to do better.
HyperIon
I think the colossal stupidity of some Americans is the best thing they have going for them in their pursuit of happiness. But I doubt many self-help books take this position.
Hillary Rettig / www.lifelongactivist.com
Cyrus @ 78 –
If my comment came across as an appeal to authority or guilt by association, it wasn’t intended as such. I don’t think that the Harvard student body is the be all and end all of authorities but I think it possesses, overall, a set of characteristics (intelligence, skepticism, information, etc.) that are relevant to my point that if this group finds happiness studies very valuable, that’s worth considering. And by pointing out the truth that many of the strongest critics of self-help, therapy, and other helping/caring techniques are on the right, I wasn’t intending to make anyone guilty (although I admit that my original point was inelegantly phrased).
But do you disagree with my substantive point:
Speaking of happiness and effectiveness, are you as harsh and ad hominem when critiquing people in real life, or is that only something you do on line, behind a pseudonym?
Hillary
DougJ
This isn’t ad hominem but you have to revisit your “are Harvard students gullible” remark before your other points are addressed. It’s just too glaring, IMHO.
Hillary Rettig / www.lifelongactivist.com
Dougj 111 –
that is a stereotype that erases the individual struggle many even affluent kids face when trying to live their lives out with happiness and integrity. (btw, I live in Boston and have many contacts in the Harvard community.)
also, in my experience (and supporting my initial point) the average Harvard undergrad is also pretty focused on results and success – and on not wasting time. that’s why i cited this group in particular as an example of why not all smart/effective people disdain this field.
And, btw, many Harvard students do not fit the mold you cite – many are the children of immigrants, for instance. and many (immigrant or non-immigrant) were raised in a culture where career success is hugely valued over self-esteem, personal happiness, personal growth, etc. the problem that many run into is that sacrificing everything for one’s professional success is a dead-end in many ways.
i see self-help, therapy and allied techniques as essentially progressive in that they reflect an individualistic, growth oriented, optimistic, forgiving, compassionate, ok, progressive, world view, and increase the presence of those qualities in society. sure, there are frauds in this field, as in any other, but let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water. there are also cases where, what works for me isn’t necessarily going to be what works for you, and of course that’s not the same as fraud.
Hillary
Hillary Rettig / www.lifelongactivist.com
Nor is the self-help genre new, btw, and nor is a uniquely privileged or American thing. You can take it as far back as the
Stoics and Cicero’s On the Good Life and probably farther. The requirements and conditions for what many would generally consider a good life have remained remarkably stable through the ages. A lot of it has to do with authenticity and integrity (in the psychological sense as well as the ethical one), and emphasizing internal over external rewards.
It is really easy to pick apart blog comments, but I really hope that anyone who is on the fence and seeking improvement in his or her own life will look for books and other resources that can help, because they’re out there. I had the experience of watching my parents (Depression children) live lives in which they took care of business, but were nonetheless miserable. It is so sad and it doesn’t have to happen.
asiangrrlMN
I am way late to this thread, but I am intrigued by it for many reasons. One, I was a psych major in college (no, not Harvard, sorry). Two, I have suffered severe chronic depression on and off since I was seven. That’s thirty-one years. I have tried everything from self-help books to talk therapy to sandplay therapy to drugs. In my opinion, self-help books were the least effective because they were the most simplistic. In addition, the “if you’re not happy, you’re doing something wrong” theme I found in many of them irritated the hell out of me, as it did you, DougJ. It reminded me too much of Christianity. Pray to god, and if it doesn’t turn out the way you want, either you weren’t sincere enough, or you didn’t ask for the right thing.
Same with self-help books. There is no quantitative way to prove if they work or not. Many of them are based on questionable theories. Hillary is right in that it’s not fraud, exactly, but she misses the point in that anyone can write anything and someone will think it’s great, no matter what it says. I could write a self-help book that would make people think I knew something about being happy, whatever that means, and I could probably make a lot of money, but it would be full of shit.
@RedKitten (formerly Krista – the Canadian one): I really like what you have to say about this. I think we Americans (yes, I know you’re not one) mix up happiness and fun too much. In addition, we are so damn self-centered. If it’s not good for me, then why the hell should I do it? The American Buddhists I know are some of the most self-absorbed people because they are constantly focusing on how not to focus on the self.
This is not to say that I don’t think we shouldn’t be happy or do things that make us happy. We definitely should. I just think we need to be more realistic about happiness, joy, attainability, etc.
Phoebe
Doug J,
Of course you don’t have to respond to the commenters, but if you’re going to respond at all to Hillary Rettig, you really should address her main point instead of solely carping about her profiling of Harvard students as smart, and saying that has to be addressed before you deign to actually address the question you yourself raised, and that she did a thorough, good faith, job of answering seriously. That’s kind of Dana Millbanky of you.
Cyrus
@Hillary Rettig / http://www.lifelongactivist.com:
First of all, this isn’t a pseudonym. If you want to know my full name, you can find it on this blog. Sixth link as I look at the search page. Second of all, even if it was a pseudonym, so what? Third, I obviously was harsh, but is it fallaciously ad hominem to point out someone else’s logical fallacies? It seems like if there’s anytime it’s not, it’s when we’re arguing about is the value of the work produced by a published writer.
And to answer one question, no, I’m not normally this standoffish, but sometimes I consider that a failing.
Finally, as for your substantive point, no, I don’t disagree with it. If you would have stopped there, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
Phoebe
asiangrrl,
Self help books are not regulated by the FDA or anything else, so you’re going to get a lot of truly stupid/dangerous ones. And yes, there is no quantitative way to prove if they work or not, short of some ridiculous, exhaustive study on each and every book. It’s just caveat emptor, like most of life, and case by case basis, and all that other boring, annoying, true reality of the situation, that doesn’t lend itself to sweeping prescriptions of happy or anything else.
And since we’re hating on specific ones, my vote is for “Women Who Love too Much.” That whole genre. Ugh.
One I love to death, however, is “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me” by Stuart Smalley. It makes me instantly Happy, every time I pick it off the shelf and open it at random.
Ruemara
I don’t quite believe in happy because it’s a state that occurs from such random activities as a clean bathroom, good beer, nice shoes and brand spanking new computers. I believe in sarcasm, because it’s eternal and in political matters, entirely appropriate. Forced happy people are just assholes with better media coverage.
ZOMG I HAZ KOMITTEED A MODERASHUNABLE POST!
It’s like I’ve been deflowered, awesome.
Lesley
Unless one is, I suppose, a blissed out Yogi on a mountain top, happiness is simply not attainable as a perpetual state.
Contentedness is a nice place to be. I am rarely really unhappy and rarely ecstatic. Emotional lows, though uncomfortable, are usually instructive in some way, but we usually only realize this once we’ve emerged from them.
The idea that we’re owed happiness is a form of loathesome self-indulgence.
jim
Three important points: context, context & context.
*
“Happy happy joy joy” is NOT an inherent virtue, nor is it a self-justifying predicate for individual behavior. If I’m a homicidal sociopath, for me happiness is a warm gun in my hand as I stand over your cold dead body.
*
Do you just want a nice buzz or do you really want contentment? The former is abundantly available, the latter is rare – & if you can get it, hang on to it for dear life & assume that the world will take it away without warning. Turn a cold & merciless eye upon your own menu of values & your own reality-tunnel before you seek happiness – & be ready, willing & able to amend them wherever you find them wanting. Otherwise your path to personal happiness might just destroy you.
*
Unhappiness is not a sin, nor is it an automatic indicator of your failure as a human being. Sometimes we’re unhappy for damn good reasons. Corporate culture has trained consumers to long for/expect a bizarre state of orgasmic hyper-joy that real life rarely if ever delivers … the real product commercials are selling isn’t the shiny bunk on the screen – it’s dissatisfaction. Until they can get you to swallow THAT pill, they can’t sucker you into overpaying for a tinsel-coated turd on credit. Once you swallow it, real happiness gets very scarce very quickly, with or without self-help books.