One of the first things I’ve learned about owning a dog is proper grooming, so I thought I would share some tips. First, the right shampoo. I purchased a shampoo my vet recommended for sensitive skin called Efa HyLyt. Not only is it good for their coat, but it leaves them smelling great.
The key is to evenly distribute the shampoo, let it sit for a few minutes in their coat, then carefully and thoroughly rinse out all the shampoo, and then thoroughly hand dry your dog with some old towels.
The next step is to brush your dog. The furminator seems to not do a very good job with Lily, since she does not have much of an undercoat, so I have found a Finishing Touch brush for sensitive skin does a good job.
The third step is trimming the nails. I’m not actually very good at this, but I have been told it is quite important, as long nails can put pressure on our dogs toes and make them uncomfortable. I have been checking every two weeks and trimming accordingly.
The final step takes place twelve hours later, and you will find that your dog is very happy to help with this stage. Take your dog on a walk, turn your back for ten seconds while they are not on the leash, and your dog will find the appropriate perfume. In just a few weeks, I have discovered that Lily is a really big fan of a brand I like to call “dead shit.” She also is very self sufficient when it comes to application. The key to “dead shit” appears to be an even application, thorough enough that it gets down to the skin and mats the hair:
If you will look at the neck area just above the collar, you will see that Lily has applied a good dose of “dead shit.” The more skilled your dog becomes at self-grooming, the better they will get at evenly applying the “dead shit” to both side of their neck. Here, Lily demonstrates an even application of “dead shit”:
Notice how the “dead shit” appears in good, solid doses on both sides of her neck. Lily knows what she is doing!
The best part about the “dead shit” phase of your dog grooming is that not only does your dog seem enthusiastic about it, but the “dead shit” brand is free and widely available. Additionally, it has many uses. It can serve as an air freshener for the car, your dog can break loose from you in the house and apply it to your couch, and even the cat seems to enjoy the odor of some fresh “dead shit.”
WereBear
Nothing can be done about a dog’s favorite perfume, as you have discovered. That’s because dogs camouflage their scent.
Cats take the opposite route, and groom it away. I know which I prefer…
eric
just wait till she gets skunked.
there is no greater joy than washing a skunked dog.
eric
Adolphus
Take her to a nearby farm and let her roll in, and eat, as many different brands of shit as possible. It’s like getting a little sampler pack from Avon.
Violet
In that second picture, she looks totally blissed out. That must be some good dead s h i t.
Mr Furious
And they can shop for that shit and find it anywhere! Once we were all packed up and ready to return home from a long weekend Up North in Michigan, and as we all climbed in the car, we were like, “WHOA!! What the fuck is THAT?!”
Both dogs had run off while we packed the car and picked up some “Dead Shit”. I believe it was Deer Dropping Scent.
We used up a whole box of baby wipes cleaning them off and semi-neutralizing the odor.
—
Just one dog now, and fenced yard, but he manages to find a bottle of perfume every once in a while…
truculentandunreliable
Dogs are gross, man.
Has she discovered the delicious flavor of “kitty treats” yet?
Shinobi
At least she prefers “Dead Shit” to “Fresh Shit.” Just picture giant poopy paw prints all over your house.
I knew the first time my dog had applied “Fresh Shit” because he immediately ran into the house and jumped right int he middle of my bed on our nice clean sheets.
I’d just like to say a quick Thank You to whoever invented Nature’s Miracle.
Colonel Danite
I was going to say that you should try not to bathe your dog too often because all shampoos will dry out their coat and skin. However, given Lily’s access to eau- de-carcass, I’d say scrub away.
pika
This is hilarious, John, but only because I empathize. Yesterday, Onion found some green shit (literally–not even a euphemism for a dead thing) across the bridge. All I could see were the tips of his paws whirling in the air. When I got there (the unneutered Husky nearby interested, but pretty much, “That’s *your* business, bud”), there was neon-green shit daubed all over him. When I took him to the river to start the process of rinsing him off, he shook himself and got neon green drops all over me, my glasses, and my mouth. I don’t post much, so no one will notice my absence, but if I croak in the next week of E. coli or something like, you may want to tell the CDC about this post.
Laura Clawson
I grew up near a bunch of farmland and the farmers would fertilize with manure. Our sheltie loved that stuff. I mean, he would get down on his side and burrow his whole body along it, get it all in his undercoat. He only weighed 16 pounds but he could singlehandedly stink up a room.
The Saff
Even after rolling in nature’s perfume, Lily is still beautiful. Her smell, maybe not so much. As long as she’s OK with it, though.
Danton
John, you have probably not had Lilly long enough to enjoy the delectable aroma of “eau de skunk.”
Hillary Rettig / www.lifelongactivist.com
after years and years I still find trimming the nails traumatic. i’ve tried dremels and everything. but could be worse, apparently parrots hold grudges and so their guardians never trim their nails and beaks, but let a vet or groomer do it. parrot motto: If you can’t be with the one you bite, then bite the one you’re with.
Bob In Pacifica
Animal report from Pacifica:
Last week a couple of raccoons were frolicking in the pool in the backyard. At dawn they appeared to be humping in the water. Then they attacked the floating chlorinator, mistaking it for food. I can’t imagine those chlorine tablets taste very good.
This week we have blonde raccoons in the neighborhood.
Eric U.
when I was a kid, we lived across the street from a cow pasture. It was always a pleasure when the dalmatian got loose and came back with a nice green coat
Lee
A short cut to step three are have part of your walk on a hard surface like concrete or asphalt.
Then your weekly checks of her nails will result in less clipping and just checking.
Many dogs freek out over nail clipping. Just do it every week and with a treat before and after.
gnomedad
@truculentandunreliable:
I’ve been thinking of marketing a line of dog treats called “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Cat Shit!”
This blog certainly has evolved.
donovong
Fuck! There needs to be a “no coffee drinking while reading” tag on this website!!
With three dogs, i am well aware of the properties of “eau de poo.” There is a cat (apparently as huge as Tunch) that likes to shit in our fenced back yard. Luckily for all involved, there is ample opportunity for all three of these idiots to roll in the stuff immediately before coming back in from potty breaks.
I am not a violent person by nature, but I wish I could figure out who owns that fucking cat.
Jackie
I have become convinced that the lovely aroma of dog shampoo to humans is deeply offensive to my dogs. They are so damn proud when they have corrected it. It’s one of those moments that you recognize the species difference.
A Mom Anon
She’s such a pretty doggie,how could you not adore that face?
We used to have a Husky that loved to dig,I mean not just little holes either,craters you could park a truck in. Throw in my son(then about age 6)and I used to have to bathe them both outside,I used Dr Bronner’s on both of them to save time and money,lol.
One day I couldn’t find them,they wouldn’t come in when I called them. So I went out looking for them and heard giggling over the hill in the back yard. Once I got closer,the dirt was flying all over the place. They had made themselves a cave in the side of the hill,approx 4ft deep by 4 ft tall and were having a good old time. They spent most of the summer in the cave,it was cooler there I guess. That summer they also ruined the carpeting,we ended up putting in wood floors because of that,lol. My son still misses that dog sometimes. Someone stole him out of the yard,I’ll never forgive myself for running to the store and leaving him out in the yard.
Qbert
Our dog loved seagull shit. She’d roll around in it like it was catnip, especially after she’d been shampooed. I didn’t know that other dogs did that too. I’m sure that shampoo smell must telegraph “weakling” to other dogs, unlike that assertive shit scent.
Max
When I first moved to Oakland, I took my dog for a walk on the trails in the hills. Max was off leash (as the trail permitted) and we came upon a pile of horse poo. In less than 5 seconds, I saw him get in position to roll and thankfully, I was able to reach him before he got fully engaged.
He had never seen a horse, or horse poop in his life and in 5 seconds, he knew he wanted to roll in it. It was amazing to see his instinct kick in.
Oh, and he likes to lick his pee mid-stream.
I love that dog!
Litlebritdifrnt
Twelve hours? I suppose it is one of the drawbacks of having a fenced yard but my gang do the perfume thing IMMEDIATELY after I have bathed them. Out of the bathtub (sometimes before I can towel them dry) tear through the house like the devil himself is after them, leaving water all over the tiled floors naturally, out into the back yard where they can immediately roll in something, with Cueball that usually involves mud, and turning himself from white to black. Speaking of which bathtime is this evening.
GregB
What is this shit?
-G
Michael D.
Jesus John. The gayest dog owner in the world would find your grooming tips over the top. :-)
Then I got to the part about “dead shit,” and you became heterosexual again.
truculentandunreliable
@gnomedad: Heh. The science of replicating the flavor of cat shit might be difficult, since I doubt that anyone would be willing to sample actual cat shit to find out what it tastes like.
Also, I am thankful for this thread, because I have been desperately wanting a dog lately and I am not in the position in my life to adopt one at all. It has succeeded in making dogs seem repulsive to me, at least for a little while.
Now someone needs to post horror stories about having babies, because I want one of those, too.
gbear
Any chance that her attraction to ‘dead shit’ is a response to her being totally repulsed and grossed out by the scent of the shampoo that you think smells so good? Maybe she just can’t pass on the chance to get rid of that gawdawful smell. Does you’re vet have a second (unscented?) recommendation for shampoos?
linda
sorry to go ot, esp with such a funny post; but this could get very entertaining:
Rupert Murdoch’s News Group Newspapers has paid out more than £1m to settle legal cases that threatened to reveal evidence of his journalists’ repeated involvement in the use of criminal methods to get stories.
The payments secured secrecy over out-of-court settlements in three cases that threatened to expose evidence of Murdoch journalists using private investigators who illegally hacked into the mobile phone messages of numerous public figures to gain unlawful access to confidential personal data, including tax records, social security files, bank statements and itemised phone bills. Cabinet ministers, MPs, actors and sports stars were all targets of the private investigators.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/jul/08/murdoch-papers-phone-hacking
Evinfuilt
My dogs have a preference for dead snake. I’m pretty sure they want to drape it over their shoulders. Just roll roll roll, scoop and roll some more. Dead snake by car isn’t their favorite, I guess too much of the good stuff gets baked off on the asphalt.
I should ask, has Lilly taken up the munching of Tunches tootsie rolls?
GReynoldsCT00
It was all about the proper set up…
Dave S.
We used to exercise our dog near a river, and occasionally seagulls would drop fish on the ground. Whenever Gracie started throwing her front shoulders to the ground and really bearing down on the roll, we knew we were in for a stinky time.
Punchy
Greyhounds dont do this. They dont roll in it (hell, they dont roll in anything), largely dont dine on it, and manage to avoid running in it.
Not sure why.
Atlliberal
My dog, Lucky just came in from the back yard, and she could stink up the entire house. She’ll have a bath shortly, but I know that right after, she’ll want to go out to “pee” and roll around in stinky stuff to get the horrible smell of the dog shampoo off of her.
I’m surprised Lily hasn’t discovered the joys of “tootsie rolls” yet. How do you keep her away from the litter box?
Evinfuilt
@Punchy:
My parents Greyhounds I’ve seen rolling in anything and everything dead. Maybe you’re just the lucky one.
Face
@Bob In Pacifica: That is the funniest thing I’ve read in months.
Raccoon porn. Nice.
bwono
A good friend has a black version of Lily. Also a female, same face, maybe a bit smaller. She lives in Alaska by the sea and one of her favorite things to do is to find completely rotten, stinking dead fish to roll in before she heads home.
Cat Lady
Worst smell I ever smelled was when my husky found a dead bloated river rat and covered himself with glory in it. I lived in a small apartment in a city at the time, and so had the pleasure of living with a dog and a rotted river rat for a couple of days. Moral of the story: don’t have a husky in a city (duh) and don’t let it off the leash if you do (good luck with that).
harlana pepper
Oh, she looks so utterly pleased with herself! Even with the dead shit, she looks mah-velous! I’m sure she wonders why the heck you would want to wash out such sublime perfuminess!
Face
Whatever you do, do not take him to pools in suburban Philly
harlana pepper
@Qbert: The only thing I can imagine being worse is goose crap.
geg6
Oh, man. Lily sounds like my sister’s spitz, Cookie. She is snow white. Well, for about 6 seconds after a bath, that is. Her favorite thing is when my sister has laid fresh fertilizer (and no, it’s not commercial; it’s the real thing) in her vegetable garden. She’ll roll and roll and roll and roll in it, and then crawl under the deck so no one can pull her out to wash her off. With her three coats of fur, it really gets in there and, because of all the undercoats, you don’t know sometimes until you bury your face in her neck. And then, boy, do you know. And when this happens, she does this whole Yoda thing with her ears and grins.
Speaking of the Yoda thing she does with her ears, I was watching her the other day as she lay in the yard. It was freakin’ weird and hilarious. She apparently can move them independent of each other and adjusts their angles and turns them depending on whatever interesting sounds her doggy hearing picks up. They even seem to spin at times, like a satellite dish or antenna moving around to pick up a better signal. I’ve seen other dogs do this, but definitely not to the extent that Cookie is able to.
Demo Woman
What a shitty post! Those of us who own or have owned animals can relate. Pet stores sell shampoo that are oatmeal based and not harmful to the skin When I first got Moxie, the vet suggested that I try a conditioner for her long wiry hair. It cost more than the conditioner that I use and it did not work.
Delia
My dog certainly does love the smell of dead shit. But nothing compares with decomposing bird.
and @gnomedad:
Around here, in the summertime, when the weather gets nice and hot and sunny for months on end, and everything just dries out, we call them Kitty Biscuits. They’re Pippin’s favorite part of his afternoon walk. I think he’s just nosing around for a good place to poop, and then, bingo, he’s licking his chops after a good Kitty Biscuit find.
Catsy
A friend of mine and his wife got a Shih Tzu at one point, and were clearly unable to properly train or clean up after it–the dog would shit all over their apartment, leaving surprises potentially pretty much anywhere. After watching him then attempt to eat his own shit multiple times, I became convinced that this was his way of saving it for later.
And then the little fucker would come up and try to /kiss/ you. I hated that stupid, vile little dog.
CaseyL
Ah, John.
Remember when you first took her for a walk, and she didn’t know what to do, and we all agreed that she didn’t know how to be a dog?
And how happy we’ve all been to see her discover her doggie heritage, day by day and bit by bit. under your loving supervision?
I think we can say Lily has reached “True Dogdom.” Has claimed her destiny. Has not only found, but fully embraced, her doggie heritage.
(I also vote for the suggestion that you try a different shampoo. Is there one called “Dead Varmint”? By golly, there should be!)
donnah
I was a little concerned by the first paragraph. I thought you had gone completely out of your mind. Fortunately, you finished in true brilliant style and I laughed like a hyena. Sweet Lily has got the best home in the world.
No matter how she smells.
Our dog eats cat barf. At least she doesn’t roll in it.
truculentandunreliable
@donnah: Our cats eat cat barf. It’s actually quite convenient.
Woodrowfan
alas, now people looking for posts about Sarah Palin’s political future will hit on this post instead, i.e. “dead s***”.
Mary
My dog does this very distinctive shoulder drop whenever she finds something gross to roll in. So even if I’m far enough away that I can’t tell what she’s rolling in, I know for sure that it’s not an innocent roll in the grass.
I love how dignified Lily looks, even covered in shit.
icedfire
I am so glad to only have a cat.
My old cat Rocky used to do the eating cat barf thing too, except seeing as how he was a Maine Coon and thrice the size of the other cats, he was able to pin them down when he heard them moaning and get it fresh from the source.
I wanted to do the whole @truculentandunreliable thing there, but I can’t get it formatted right to save my life. Anyone care to help me out and make me feel dumb?
BrianD
Watch out for those ears.
Something I learned the hard way a couple weeks ago is that water can get in dogs’ ears during a bath and lead to a nasty infection. My vet recommends using an ear cleaning solution (available at pet stores) with cotton balls after every bath or swim.
If your dog’s ears start swelling up and emitting an extremely foul odor, they’re probably infected.
Delia
There’s this creek about half a mile from my house. The city maintains a trail for joggers and dog-walkers. It’s lined with brambles, trees, wild bushes, and meadow grasses. Last summer Pippin found one particular pile of dog shit that he just loved. It was hidden in the tall grass, so a mere human like myself didn’t spot it. But it got so he dropped and rolled whenever we walked by it. I had to take special care to learn the spot and pull him away when we got near. Even then sometimes I lost.
Miriam
Ok. I don’t normally like small dogs, but I have to admit that Lily is really cute.
Throwin Stones
The Stones’ canines prefer ‘deer shit’ and ‘horse shit’. The fresher, the better, natch…
Miriam
I just use generic baby shampoo – it is as gentle as the stuff from the vet and a whole lot cheaper.
CynDee
@ truculentandunreliable:
If you’re truly yearning for a dog, a baby, or a swimming pool, do yourself and them a favor and take serious care of someone else’s for an extended period, such as three months.
The first dog whose safety and well-being I took responsibility for was truly nuts night and day.
When I was a teenager I regularly babysat a family’s three children every weekend for most of a school year. The 7-year-old boy had to be awakened at 11:30 p.m. and walked into the bathroom to “go,” or his mom would have a wet bed to deal with in the morning. He basically stood there asleep with me holding him up trying to talk loud enough to get him to give results. Then I usually had some cleanup of him and the commode.
The swimming pool I cleaned and chlorinated during a blistering summer florida was beautiful, but oh the time and THINKING and sweat I invested. You’ve gotta get the test right, the chemicals right. They’re dangerous. Gotta protect your eyes and skin. Gotta scrub the waterline like like a giant sink. Gotta vacuum out the bottom, gotta dip out all the leaves and critters, some desperately swimming, some dead. Is that black snake or a water moccasin? Hurricane coming; gotta partly drain it BUT NOT TOO MUCH or it will WHAT??? Pop out of the ground!? Owners, come HOME!
To date I have had ten dogs, two goddogs, four cats, one child, and NO pool. Though he doesn’t like it to be talked of, the child was the least trouble and most rewarding of them all.
The cats actually did not surprise, except I didn’t know how much DIRT they would bring into the house, in piles, and that they always sleep on whatever you have that is newest and cleanest and that if your cat is lost, you might go outside and look up to the top of the chimney and find her watching you. And a cat WILL bring a huge bird into the house and eat it in the middle of the night with only feathers left in the morning light. No beak, no bones no feet. Aaarrrgh!
Gindy51
Be careful with the furminator on both of your animals. While they are great for a monthly coat spiffying, they can cause skin damage if you use them too often.
What happens is too many “live” hairs are removed opening up the pores to opportunistic bacterial infections. Our vet warned us not to use it on our dogs every time we brush, just during heavy shedding in spring and fall. He said he’s started to see massive skin infections in pets whose owners use the furminator too vigorously or too often (weekly is too often).
As for scent, when she finds a dead skunk just take her to a professional groomer and pay the money. They have some magical stuff that makes ALL the bad smells go bye bye forever. No home remedy works on dead skunk, I know as I can speak from multiple experiences with the damned stuff.
Just Some Fuckhead
This is why they call them dogs.
ET
I laughed though the whole post. Thanks.
Sabrina
Lily really hasn’t reached doggy nirvana until she finds a dead seal on the beach to roll in. My dog found one a few months ago and fortunately, she stopped for just a moment to thank the dog gods for placing this bounty before her, and I was able to grab her right before she hurled herself into it. But boy was she ever so desperate to do so!
passerby
That was a good read, John.
Have you considered submitting this article to your local print rag? Seems it has the perfect tone for a brief column in the “Living” section under their “Summer Fun” series or the “What are You Doing This Summer?” section (or whatever).
Seriously–make up an acceptable name to replace “dead shit” and submit it to the Living editor. Judging from what passes for print worthy in my local rag, this would resonate with many dog owners and draw far more interest than some story about some church group and their watermelon patch for charity.
Do it for the fun of it, plus, you get to say “I’m published” which carries considerable weight in some circles. ; )
Comrade Tudor
Kong makes a brush that is more like a massage for the dog than anything. It works really well, and my dogs will actually bring it to me to brush them. Also, clipping nails is a hard job, but if you walk her on concrete or crush-n-run, it will keep the nails filed down for you. We have a dog park that I spend an hour and a half each day at, and they have put down crush-n-run and since I’ve been going, I have not once had to cut my dogs’ nails.
Mike E
Dogs sense of smell is 3-dimensional, sorta like bats with radar. A particular clump of goo hits a dog’s soul like a song sung by a humpback whale — gotta take this one with.
Cats like the stinky too. Ever notice when frisky gets a whiff of something, um, otherworldly, her mouth goes a little ajar? Cats are Stink Whisperers
dsc
our beach dogs loved loved loved dead walrus, dead seal, dead fish
they became farm dogs who love love love dead cows, cow after birth, the compost pile, fresh horse turds, and skunks (dead or alive)
Dogs cannot help this behavior. Sharing scents is pack behavior–showing off as it were–“guess where I’ve been?”
Remedy (really works–I have seven dogs at present)
Mix one cup hydrogen peroxide (must be fresh), one half cup baking soda, and a tablespoon of shampoo (proportions can be halved) .
You can do a whole bath, but if you apply a generous amount with a cloth to the stinky spot, it neutralizes the stink pretty well.
Tuck got a load of skunk globs in his mouth last year when he grabbed up a youngster. The goo is yellow and so metallic it sucks the breath right out of your lungs.
Ranger and Chance both got it across the face in February (rutting time for skunks here)–I still can’t get Chance’s face up close to mine.
John, does lily get to run much on pavement? That will keep her nails under control.
MAx
@Miriam: I have a long-haired dog and the generic “no more tangles” is the best thing ever. It has saved both me and my dog a lot of time and pain.
CaseyL
Wait, I just re-read the last sentence of this post; the part about how the cat likes Eau de Dead Shit, too.
Does this mean Lily and Tunch have bonded??
Does that mean we get Tunch’n’Lily spooning photos?
estraven
More reasons why I will never own a dog … or be owned by a dog …
lawnorder
All sensible dogs know that “dead shit” is best applied to the collar in a way that not even 3 or 4 thorough washings in boiling water can get rid of the smell.
Particularly effective on electronic fence collars!
:p
Jay C.
@Woodrowfan:
Yeah, and there’s a difference…. ?
Jay in Oregon
@Sabrina:
On a camping trip a few weeks ago, I was barely able to stop one of my dogs from joyfully sliding sideways through a cow pie.
When I was growing up, we had a Chesepeake Bay retriever that was in doggie heaven when salmon spawning season was almost over; nary a weekend went by where he didn’t find some dead fish to roll around in.
Dogs are great…
lawnorder
Works really well, even with skunks!!!
If your dog has a thick fur and doesn’t have sensitive skin, OxyClean works too (in an emergency) if you wash it off immediately and don’t put it around sensitive areas (face, tail). My German Shepherd is addicted to skunks and gets sprayed 3-4 times each summer, so sometimes I’m out of peroxide at 3am and had to resort to it.
Did the OxyClean once to my Border Collie though and the poor guy’s black fur got bleached red and frizzy for the rest of that summer :p
OxyClean works well for couch / car / carpet / collar that has been “perfumed” by “dead shit” or skunk.
josefina
@Mary: Lord, how I learned to dread that shoulder roll. My current dog is uninterested in perfuming herself but I used to have an Akita-mix that loved nothing better. It was bad when he rolled in the innards of a field-dressed deer. It was worse when he rolled on top of the rotting seal carcass. Semi-liquefied blubber is a tenacious substance.
But the worst — the absolute worst — happened in a nearby park, about a month after I got him. It’s a big park, off-leash hours before 9 am, and back then it had a couple of homeless-people encampments. No problem; I didn’t bother them and they didn’t bother me. Then one morning, the dog did that ecstatic roll and bolted back to me to share this unbelievably fabulous new perfume. He was tremendously pleased with himself, and no wonder.
He’d found a homeless-people latrine. Trust me — dead shit of any kind has a zesty citrus aroma with woodsy undertones compared to the gagsome stench of runny human shit.
I seriously thought about taking off his collar and leaving him there. I did stop at a deli on the way home and borrowed their hose to rinse off as much as I could, but cleaning him up was still an ugly, ugly experience. I washed him so many times, with so much soap and shampoo and detergent, that all the layers of his very thick coat puffed up and out, and for a while he looked like a giant pomeranian, or a canine televangelist.
Count your blessings, Cole.
Doctor Science
We used to have an Akita and a Heinz-57-hound-mix, both long gone to that Great Off-Leash Park in the Sky, and they had only a few — though memorable — High Perfume Experiences (skunk, deer that had been dead for a while — and he thoughtfully brought home one of the feet! oh, you shouldn’t have).
Anyway, although they were extremely doggy dogs in their way, they did *not* habitually stop-drop-and-roll. IMHO this may have been because we didn’t shampoo them very often, really only on an as-desperately-needed basis. I think that perhaps dogs that are allowed to smell like dogs don’t get as much of a desperate need to cover the heinous stench of shampoo.
I do suspect there’s a market for “doggy shampoo that dogs will think smells ok”. Get on that, entrepreneurs!
Mary
@dsc: Out of curiosity, how do you know if hydrogen peroxide is “fresh”? What does that mean?
Zippity
My yellow lab gets to go on weekend excursions to my boyfriends farm. As soon as we get out of the car-she heads to the creek, and then out to the pasture to find some nice fresh cow pies. Then she’ll show up back at the house just in time to go to bed-the bottom half of her black (from the creek and mud), the top half of her yellow and green-making sure the green stuff is all over the collar-so I have to grab onto it when I drag her back out of the house and over to the hose.
At least that’s usually only on Friday nights. After running for two days, she’s too tired to get dirty on Sundays before we go home.
I’m a horse person, so I don’t think that horse poop smells bad, but cow pies, those are just god-awful!
lawnorder
Nah, my dogs are kept mostly outdoors so no shampoo. I only bathe my dogs with a garden hose on the summer, when we are playing on the backyard, and they still roll on any dead shit they can find.
Plus my German Shepherd never saw a skunk she didn’t like!
@Mary: Fresh peroxide has bubbles and foams up when mixed with baking soda
CynDee
Our bearded collie, Quint, loved rolling in the horse pasture behind our house then trotting home and making a fine presentation of himself. He could do a wonderfully thorough job on his long, silky topcoat and thick, deep wool layer. He liked Full Coverage.
You could clean him up, but you had to make sure to get the bottoms of the feet and in between the pads.
One fall he procured a deer head from somewhere, already a bit nicely rotted but still plenty left on it. He dragged it around to different locations and and gnawed on it, frozen or thawed, all winter. He liked working on it in the pasture, but if he saw you coming toward him, he would move it in retreat, so we quit approaching when he was busy. I can still see his pretty form out there in the golden grass with his prize possession.
He was worth it all the cleanup, and I’d do it ten times over to have him back again.
ironranger
One summer a previous dog found a well decomposed reeking animal carcass to roll in. We didn’t let him come in the house for over a week. Every time he wanted to come in we would tell him, “Oh no, you are not coming in smelling like that, you stink”. He must have gotten the picture because one day we saw him vigorously rubbing both sides of his neck on the fresh green grass for a long time. It was amazing. He was deliberately trying to get rid of the stink so he could be let back in the house. It worked too. That was one of the smartest dogs we ever had.
CaseyL
This seems like a good time and place to link to that Post of the Decade from the late ’90s, about a dog in an elk:
http://dir.salon.com/story/tt/post/2005/10/19/posts_of_the_decade/index.html
John, as you read this, you will count your blessings that “all” you have to worry about is Lily rolling in dead things. At least she doesn’t bring them home and use them as a ….well. Just read it.
(Seriously: If you have not read this before, be sure you’re in a place where you can not only scream with laughter, but also with horror)
shelley matheis
You beat me to it. Even better is owning a dog that thinks skunk juice is better than Chanel No.5. When I’d finally got Clemmie clean from a skunk attack, I was surprised to find her reeking again several hours later. Turned out she was rolling in the patch of skunk reek in the backyard.
asiangrrlMN
Aw, Lily looks wonderful, even with eau de shit behind both ears. You know, you guys are making a clear case for me not to consider getting a dog. I think I’ll stick to cats.
Can I just say that I find it amusing that I can type shit damn fuck and not get caught in moderation, but I cannot type so ci al ism or s h o e s without being sent to purgatory?
Mr Furious
Has Lily discovered the buffet that is Tunch’s litter box yet?
Or worse, a fresh dirty diaper…?
[/vomit]
Mnemosyne
@Comrade Tudor:
We had one of those for our late cat, Boris, who had the thickest undercoat I’ve ever seen on a cat. A beautiful silver-gray undercoat, but still a pain in the ass. You could brush him for an hour and still have fur coming off. Even the professional with the Furminator had to give up on him eventually because the fur just. kept. coming.
Our two new cats are fluffy but they don’t have anything resembling Boris’ industrial-strength undercoat.
lawnorder
@ironranger: My Border Collie does the same, after several baths and being kept out of the house for tangling with skunks, he now swims and rolls on grass when whe say “p-u” to him.
If only my German Shepherd was the same! She is like @shelley matheis dog, just loovees to get skunked!
Origuy
@icedfire: Click on the arrow to the right of the timestamp for the comment you are replying to. It will past the link in the comment edit box.
@Bob In Pacifica: Do you get coyotes in your part of Pacifica? Blond raccoons aren’t likely to survive long, if so.
Notorious P.A.T.
Cutie )
She looks very satisfied with herself.
Anne Laurie
Best thing about that second photo is Lily’s “Air of Quiet Competence” expression. She could not be more pleased if she’d just been awarded a MacArthur genius grant for her contributions to canine rescue rehabilitation as a blogging entertainment resource!
Hillary, I seem to remember you have Papillons? I’ve been told by any number of professionals that all toy dogs tend to be sissies about foot care, and Paps are among the worst of the toy breeds. (The apologists assert this is because our little darlings have the smarts to remember how much they hated previous nail-trimmings, and/or the imagination to conjure up images of toe-removing trauma.) I dutifully dealt with the squirming & screaming for my first 20 years as a Papillon companion, but our next-but-latest rescue Zevon is just big enough (15lbs) that I can’t effectively restrain him on my lap. So every 6 weeks or so we take him to the TOY STORE! ! ! (local pet-supply chain) where for twelve bucks he gets his nails clipped & pads trimmed, and then he spends 15 minutes sniffing up & down every aisle, and it’s an excursion he’s always happy to repeat. When we added Sydney, a three-time loser who was terrified of everything but very willing to follow Zeev’s lead, I decided that 10 minutes of ‘trauma’ at the hands of a stranger beat 30 minutes of me & the Spousal Unit uniting to ‘torture’ Syd… and it’s worked out very well for all parties involved. Now I only have to cope with our 14-year-old grumpy girl Flicker, because she’s got a bad heart and I’m seriously afraid that the stress of trying to fang the groomer with her 3 remaining teeth would kill her, and besides she hates me anyway. The worst part is feeling like a total stereotype — I’ve never had a professional mani/pedicure in my life, and I cut my own hair, but for my precious little doggies … *sigh*
Little Dreamer
Consider Lily your permanent female companion, since now that “dead shit” is the preferred air freshener in your vehicle, no human female will ever sit in it again.
skippy
i haven’t owned a dog in years…mrs. skippy is allergic to cat & dog dander, so we have cockatiels, which have entirely different idiotsyncracies (yes, i spelled that correctly).
but i want to say john, your ongoing reporting of the story of lily has warmed my heart.
it’s always wonderful to rescue an animal and give them love. they turn out so well.
kudos, my friend.
Wilson Heath
JC, I hate to break it to you given your prejudices, but I’d lay money that Lily has some beagle in her. I see little else in her face. Explains some of the “dead shit” brand preference, too.
(Though it’s really bad when they decide to upgrade from “dead shit” to “zombie shit.” I’ll leave it to the imagination.)
dsc
@Mary: @dsc: Out of curiosity, how do you know if hydrogen peroxide is “fresh”? What does that mean?
A freshly opened bottle–that stuff goes flat fairly quickly, so we keep half dozen bottles on hand. And those big 5 lb bags of Arm and Hammer are great.
One of our dumped doggies is a beagle and he has the shoulder drop and roll down to an art. No amount of “NOOOOOOOO” screamed in the shrillest voice you can imagine coming from a human will stop him–he is so proud of himself.
Still, I love Sam.
TrishB
Is this the post where I can relate the story of Tramp throwing up an enormous amount of deer poop directly into my purse? What about the joys of sun dried frog jerky? Or the old rabbit haunch that makes you think your dog is bleeding copiously from his mouth until you get a better look?
Ah, never mind. It’s all part of the joy of living with a dog. Luckily, my older pup is less . . . earthy.
lawnorder
lol.. We found half a rabbit in the yard today. German Shepherd is not allowed in the house till we are sure she isn’t going to barf the other half in the carpet.
Zuzu's Petals
Just look at that look on her face.
She knows she did something. Not quite sure what, but something.
MaskedBandit
I’ll add my support for the peroxide/baking soda solutions. It rinses the skunk smell pretty well, leaving a spot in your grass that will stink like skunk for awhile.
My sister and mother had horses while I was in high school. Now that’s some tasty shiat to dogs! Our dogs would frequently chow down on the chunks that occasionally fell from a wheelbarrow. Fortunately, horse manure doesn’t smell too bad as poops go, but you never want your dog to lick you when they’ve got the manure “tang” in their breath.
I think the worst that I’ve experienced is green poop from a discard baby diaper hidden in a bush at the park. The funk beat even the extended leash I had.
Lily’s just giving you stories to tell your readers. If a dog was perfect, they wouldn’t look up to us so much. The sloppy and stinky are just part and parcel of a healthy, happy dog. I wouldn’t have it any other way.