Woke up, accidentally put ground red pepper in my coffee instead of cinnamon, did not notice until I took a swig. Tunch ate so much he threw up what can only be described as a cat food cud on the futon. Went to the kitchen to get a damp rag to clean it up, came back and it was gone and Lily was smacking her lips, and then the toilet overflowed.
If I had not had so much coffee (sans red pepper) I would just go back to bed and start over.
JenJen
Chin up, Cole. At least you weren’t naked. Or…?
Don’t know if that was your first experience with cat puke and Lily, but I have to move with lightning speed to clean up vomit around my dogs. Love ’em, but dogs have a truly disgusting palate.
calling all toasters
It’s not too early to start drinking.
Demo Woman
I left a link to a story about Tom Brady going to hell on the open thread below. That should cheer you.
debit
Lily: The secret ingredient is bile!
Halffasthero
That explains three blog posts in one morning and it isn’t even noon yet. I think you were definitely drinking some hard hitting coffee – red pepper or no.
Robertdsc-iphone
Inter-species snorgling has been taken to a new level, lol.
beltane
Red pepper in coffee sounds like a potential cold remedy. Someone (not me) should experiment with that.
And I once had a high-strung cat who vomited all the time to the delight of my other cat, who gladly ate it. When I asked the vet about this situation, he said “What’s the problem? If one cat throws up and the other eats it, it doesn’t sound like a problem to me.”
Look on the bright side, but always remember where your dog’s tongue has been.
wvng
So, you tried out a new gastronomic experiment, and your dog cleaned up a mess your cat made.
I fail to see the problem.
SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta
Angel left a similar present for us this morning. Why is it always on a fabric chair/bed, a nice rug, or important papers, and never on an easily cleanable wood floor?
donovong
How in the hell do you get coffee off a laptop screen?!?
Thanks loads, JC.
debit
We also have a cat who bolts down his food, canned and dry, and who then throws up (and eats it if we don’t stop him; he’ll actually dig it out of the trash). I noticed that when we switched to Natural Balance because another cat has food allergies, the vomiter stopped vomiting as much. He’s gone from upchucking a few times a week to about once a month. I don’t know if it’s because he finds the Chicken and Green Pea less palatable than Royal Canin, or if the grain free is less irritating to his tummy, but the end result is less vomit, which is a plus in my book.
MysticalChick
Yikes! Look at it this way, John: the day can only get better from here, right? RIGHT??
(Red pepper? Ewww. That will blow a hole right through you. Surely that’s not what you were aiming for?)
Leelee for Obama
@SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta: As I tell my Daughter each time the almost 2 yo reaches for the one thing in reach that we don’t want her to touch, while dozens of others are there for the taking:”There is absolutely no chance for serious injury or major cleaning involved with those other things.” It’s a cosmic rule-no changing it.
Also-I’d start brushing Lily’s mouth, Tunch’s too, if you don’t already-just sayin’.
Politically Lost
Sounds like a typical morning in the Lost household.
I made a ramp for our raggedy 19 year old cat to assist her in getting to her favorite spot on Ms. Lost’s craft tables.
Late last night/early this morning we woke to what sounded like a sand bag rolling down a hard surface. Then the caterwauling began. Dying rabbits never sounded so forlorn.
Somehow old raggedy cat (my nickname for her) managed to plant her front paws half way down the ramp and lock in her claws. But, obviously the rest of her body kept traveling. She was hanging off the side of the ramp claws caught in the padding of the ramp.
At least our dog didn’t sneak off to the litter box for a truffle while we were trying to free the cat from the ramp.
rachel
Re John Cole’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day: Something is trying to say, “Go back to bed.”
jeffreyw
Outrage d’jour
Fergus Wooster
Hm, John may be onto something. I’ve never understood chickory in coffee, but my NOLA friends love it.
Coffee + Cayenne = Awake. Maybe do a splash of Tabasco instead? Possibilities are endless.
Then again, that might hurt coming back up.
A co-worker persuaded me to try two drops of Tabasco in my beer. . .
rachel
@jeffreyw: M$, we hates it, yess we does. ‾⁔‾;
Punchy
So, in one move, you’ve fed the cat, the dog, you’re awake for football, and you’re playing the Browns. Things appear to look positive from where I’m at….
Fergus Wooster
My one-year-old just tried to eat out of my Rottweiler’s bowl. Luckily the dog isn’t territorial when it comes to the baby.
She has now rolled into my study and is attempting to eat yesterday’s grocery list, after kicking a row of books off the shelf.
I’m ready to go back to bed too.
Comrade Mary
Looks like that little hurl problem took care of itself, but don’t you now regret toilet training Tunch?
ericblair
@MysticalChick: Yikes! Look at it this way, John: the day can only get better from here, right? RIGHT??
Unless he’s on a slab in the morgue, it can always get worse. Maybe even then. You’re welcome.
If you have small children, this day is fairly normal. Not only do you have the nonstop minor emergencies, you’re so constantly distracted and tired that you end up finding your cellphone in the fridge, pouring OJ in your cereal, and going out in public with Mickey Mouse stickers on your ass.
Bodily functions make up the majority of your daily concerns. You’re glad when your infant daughter yarks all over your shoulder, since you’re easier to clean than the carpet.
Again, one pet pukes, the other one eats it, and this is a problem?
Fergus Wooster
What ericblair said.
The apple of my eye is working on what we call a “screaming poo” as we speak (post-constipation blowout).
Here’s hoping Mrs. Wooster gets up soon in a poo-wiping mood.
MattF
Old Tom Paxton song.
Zifnab
According to internet tradition, you need to end this with a FML tag.
YellowJournalism
@ericblair: You are so correct on all those points, especially the scatterbrained part. It’s hard to think straight when you have a loop of “Elmo’s World” playing in your head. And I’ve done the sticker thing, but mine were Little Einstein characters on my boob.
And the rule I have regarding milk vomit is that clothes wash, carpets just stink.
The only reason I get to post today is that I have family staying with us and keeping the older tot busy, the little one is sleeping, and I’m able to actually take a break with my hands free! Yay!
YellowJournalism
Oh, and on behalf of my family members: fuck the Yankees.
Kirk Spencer
On a slightly more serious note, next time put in just a touch of ground red pepper in. Seriously.
See, among other things capsicum is what I call a “catalyst” spice. Like salt and cloves, it (figuratively speaking) opens more tastebuds. Since you’re making coffee for taste instead of “warm and wakeup” you might like the result.
fwiw, I put about an eighth of a teaspoon into my fudge. Not enough for people to taste or even get warm on the tongue (even my wife who thinks “mild” hot sauce is too much), but even so it causes the fudge to taste more, well, more like fudge. (Yes, I make old-fashioned fudge, not marshmallow and whatever fudge. Sugar, milk and chocolate, dissolve, heat slowly to soft ball, butter, cool, vanilla, beat and let set. That pinch goes in with the first.)
Mnemosyne
@debit:
It’s probably the wheat gluten in the Royal Canin. One of our cats used to throw up every couple of days until someone mentioned on the internet that some cats are sensitive to wheat gluten and we switched him to Buffalo Blue dry food and Purino Pro Plan Selects wet food. Now he only pukes if he gets upset or eats too fast.
I did give him and my previous cat Natural Balance for a while, but then Natural Balance put melamine-laced rice gluten in their dry food and killed my other cat, so I will never, ever give any animal that brand again and I will never stop bad-mouthing it after we spent four months propping Boris up with daily subcutaneous fluids. Fuckers.
Nethead Jay
Well, that’s not an optimal way to start the day. But props for post title, Cole.
Here’s a little news that might help. For use against wingnuts that are butthurt about LimpBalls not getting to own part of an NFL team: Remember When George Soros Tried to Buy a Baseball Team??. Big hypocrites – but we knew that.
Anyone wanna bet whether we see that on the MSM? Olbermann might mention it, given his politics and sports/baseball knowledge.
debit
@Mnemosyne: Shit. I am so sorry for your loss. I had no idea Natural Balance was one of the melamine culprits; we’ve only ever used Royal Canin and they were one of the few brands considered “safe.”
My elder cat requires grain free because of his food allergies; are the two brands you mentioned options? Or should I just start cooking up his meals?
gnomedad
@rachel:
FYM$
PaminBB
Funny post, John. Reminded me that I have a tin of some hot chocolate mix that has just a bit of cayenne in it, very nice combination. Think I’ll go rummage around the pantry closet…
SIA aka ScreamingInAtlanta
@ LeeLee, infants and felines just have that diabolical 6th sense.
On the other hand, the kitty reign of terror (peeing on the dog beds) seems to have subsided. Still not sure if they were upset by Maggie’s death, or protesting having the wrong kind of kitty litter, or what.
There is a bright side, literally. The sun is out here for the 1st time in about three and a half years. I feel like a mole.
phoebes-in-santa fe
I’m a newbie here at Balloon-Juice, so I don’t know Cole’s animals. Are his two animals cats or a cat and dog? Does he do “cat blogging” like Kevin Drum does on Fridays?
Would a kind veteran bring me up to date about the animals here? Thanks!
tb
On the bright side, you’ve got a pretty good start on some country song lyrics.
Karen
@ debit:
I had my cat, who is a hacker as well, on Royal Canin for a time & when I changed her to Iams, she slowed down considerably.
@ Cole:
The very first thing you need to do when Tunch hacks is to put Lily outside, if you have a fenced area for her. If not, behind a closed door works just as well. Also, if the litter box isn’t covered, “kitty bon-bons” are a treat like no other for a dog. ALWAYS remember where Lily’s tongue has been before you let her kiss you on the face.
Doctor Science
phoebes-in-santa fe:
You’re in for a treat. The Masters of John’s Universe are Tunch (cat) and Lily (dog). See their photos in the BJ Lexicon. Note that they weigh approximately the same. Tunch is an old-timer, Lily has only been at John’s since, hm, late August?
When John met Lily, she had been rescued from an animal-hoarder who had 20 cats and I don’t know how many dogs — Lily’s back hair was falling out because the cats had been peeing on her. She was so cowed, traumatized, and fearful it was piteous to see. Watching Lily blossom into a happy, confident, loving doggy has been scientifically determined to make the Grinch’s heart grow *four* sizes.
Grumpy Code Monkey
@phoebes-in-santa fe:
Cole’s animals are Tunch (cat, size extra large) and Lily (dog, size small). Cat and dog blogging happen as necessary (usually when we’re all tired of the real-world bullshit).
Tom Levenson
John: I’m impressed by the lack of sympathy here.
It’s alright though. At least your little bundles of fluff do not attempt field amputation of your toes at 3:00 a.m., when they (mine) decide it’s a perfect moment for a snack.
Terri
Things actually could be worse.
Ever had a parrot throw up a fresh mango and pistachio mixture in your boxers, right before you unwittingly slide that lovely mixture up your leg and bare ass?
Although that did come at the end of my day and not the beginning.
phoebes-in-santa fe
Thanks for the info, Doctor Science@37. I couldn’t find any pictures of the two animals at the Lexicon, but I am looking forward to reading/seeing them.
I did notice that the description of Tunch says he’s very large. Have you ever seen Kevin Drum’s cat, Inkblot? Both this cats are huge, but Inkblot, a black/white beauty is site to behold.
licensed to kill time
Dogs make excellent wet/dry vacs. One of the multiple side benefits of having a canine pal.
raptusregaliter
I can second the vomit / wheat gluten link. Switching to canned food w/o gluten really cuts down on the clean-ups.
By the way, just about every packaged “cat treat” you find on grocery stores shelves has wheat gluten. And its takes very little to get the ball rolling.
licensed to kill time
@phoebes-in-santa fe:
If you search in the categories “Dog blogging” and “Cat blogging” you will find many pics and comments regarding the animal overlords of this wonderful blog :)
JenJen
@YellowJournalism: I always did like you. :-)
ilsita
One morning, when I was 8 mos pregnant, I was on my way to work, waiting at the bus stop, and decided to get a newspaper out of the newspaper box. When the newspaper box door closed, it trapped my jacket inside, right over a metal button on the jacket, and I couldn’t get out. I put it more quarters, but the door was jammed.
So, when the bus pulled up, I was still stuck in the box (no, it did not occur to me to take the jacket off… that didn’t occur to me until a couple years later), and a bunch of people piled out of the bus to help get me out and no one could get the damn door open, so the bus had to take off without me. People waved at me as the bus drove on.
I finally had one of those superhuman pissoff surges and yanked so hard that the door popped open. As I was literally stomping home to wait for the next bus, a friend called and asked me what I was doing. I was in such a snit that I gave him an earful when he laughed hard he dropped the phone. The madder I got, the harder he laughed.
That was a righteously shitty morning, and maybe it will make you feel better to know that THAT will not happen to you today.
Also, I dropped my phone in the dog’s water bowl yesterday, which could happen to you today, so be careful.
CT Voter
I tend to think that one of the great things about my dog (besides his lovely personality) is his desire to clean up cat vomit. Not that it happens often, but when it does, he’s on the job.
Sure beats me stepping in it, first thing in the morning. . .
Demo Woman
@phoebes-in-santa fe: Tunch has Kevin’s cats beat in size. John likes to think it’s because he’s fluffy but do a search for his picture and you will be able to judge for yourself. Tunch was named after a football player for the Steelers.
Shell
IndyLib
There’s a place in UTC Mall in San Diego. Chuao Chocolatier, that makes artisan chocolates with Venezuelan chocolate, they have a Spicy Maya chocolate with pasilla chile, cayenne and cinnamon and they use it in their cafe mochas. It’s sooooo good.
LiberalTarian
(:0|
ilsita
My animals should give a seminar on Puking Conscientiously. As soon as my dog starts making that “Immapuke!” sound, he races to the front door and pukes on the bare floor. I swear, he tries not to get it on the little rug in the entrance way. And then, he eats it. And my cat just doesn’t puke, ever. He doesn’t hiss, either. But he does swear a lot. At least I’m sure that if I had a cat translator, I’d hear a lot of “Let me out of this sonofabitch house before I kick the door down! Do not fucking test me!”
Svensker
@Fergus Wooster:
The dog or the baby?
Svensker
@Kirk Spencer:
I dunno about coffee, but I put a weensy bit of capsicum into lots of things for that very reason. Wakes up the flavor, much like salt. If you can taste it, it’s too much.
Jager
Our 20 year Persian cat Chelsea has moved on to her kitty reward. The white haired, green eyed stunner was two months short of 21. (the vet said that was around 90-95 in human years) She spent her life charming everyone she met, begging for food and sleeping on her Mom’s pillow when ever she got the opportunity. On her last day, she couldn’t get up, we wrapped her in a towel and before breathing her last breath, she held out for 11 hours until her Mom got home and then she died in Mrs J’s arms.
In addition to being an accomplished beggar, she was a highly skilled leaper and had been known, even in her later years, to “sky” from the kitchen floor to the counter top if she so desired. Late in life she successfully negotiated a treaty with a German Shepard and even later with another GSD pup…the dogs are deep in grief.
If reincarnation is fair, Chelsea will return as a stunning, curvy, green eyed blonde hottie. With her knock-out good looks, her intelligence and snappy wit, she will spend her next life breaking men’s hearts, leaving them shattered in her wake!
I know some day, Mrs J and I will be sitting in a cafe, on an airplane, etc. We will meet a beautiful young woman and we will get the feeling we knew her long before we met her…
Love ya Chels!
Fergus Wooster
@Svensker:
Ha! The baby, as the dog watched in confusion.
Then came the wretched poo, which Mrs. Wooster most generously took care of.
I thought I lived in a zoo before the baby came along.
metricpenny
John and BJ commenters – thanks for the laughs!
I must ask that the BJ Lexicon be updated with 3 items in this thread:
rachel@18 used M$. Based on the comment she was responding to, I’m assuming that stands for MicroSoft.
zinfab@24 used FML. I did a Web search and found out that one stands for F**k My Life. There’s even a Web site for people to post instances representative of the statement. John, I agree with zinfab. This post deserves that tag.
gnomedad@31 used FYM$. Based on the two above, I think I can make another assumption about what that stands for …
The Saff
@Jager: OK, now I’m going to cry. It sounds like Chelsea had a good life on earth and now she’s on to kitty heaven for more goodness. Good on you — all cats deserve it. I will hug & kiss my kitties extra today (there’s one rolling on the floor next to me as I type this).
On another sad animal note, I was watching the “Maidenform” epsiode of “Mad Men” season #2. The scene where Duck lets Chauncey go into the New York night always makes me choke up even though I know it’s coming.
licensed to kill time
@Jager:
That’s a lovely tribute to your (20 yr old!) cat. I especially like the possible reincarnation part. It made me think of the book “The Art of Racing In The Rain” by Garth Stein, about the thoughts of a dying dog who is hoping to be reincarnated as a human.
As sad as it is, having her die in the arms of a loved human is about as good a death as can be. My sincere condolences to you and your family, dogs too.
licensed to kill time
Oh, and this will ruin Michael “I have the certs!” Gass’ day:
Balloon Boy saga was a hoax
(ellipses to hold block quote together, and because…..I …have…the ….certs!…..why are you…..joking!..about this!..)
Jager
After I read “The Art of Racing in the Rain” I never looked at my pets in the same way again.
phoebes-in-santa fe
Everybody, thanks for the 411 about John’s animals. I am looking forward to reading about them in the future.
Demo Woman@48, in one of the blog entries, John says that Tunch weighs 15lbs. Having looked at that, that, that thing…Inkblot, I’d have to say he looks larger than 15lbs.
I have a 15lb tabby/white mix called “Phaedra”, who’s also huge. Dumb as a box of rocks, too. We call her a “Fat Cat Republican”! Her litter mate, “Emily” is half her size and black with a few white markings, like a locket. She’s also the smartest animal I’ve ever seen, so we call her a “Demo-cat”.
They’re 13 years old, “rescue” cats, and last year I adopted a two year old full tabby, also a “rescue”, who I named “Alice Obama”, or “Alley-O”. They all get along together very well.
John’s dog Lily looks like a doll and it is so wonderful to read about “rescue” animals finding good homes.
Mnemosyne
@debit:
If you do start cooking up his meals, make sure you read A LOT online, because cats have very specific nutritional requirements. You can’t just give them a chunk of meat because it won’t have everything they need.
There are a lot of good choices on the market right now. I’m fond of Buffalo Blue, but I think the one I buy has some grains in it (rice and maybe corn). They just started making one called Wilderness that seems to be grain-free (or at least grain-minimal) but I haven’t tried it since Keaton seems to tolerate the other stuff so well. Wellness has some grain-free choices — I just bought their kitten food for the kitten (which the adults end up eating as well, of course, so it has to be wheat-free).
I was a little nervous about using Purina, but it turns out that they were the only major brand that didn’t use imported wheat gluten, so they never had a problem. They use brown rice as their carb in the Pro Plan Selects.
jl
“Tunch ate so much he threw up what can only be described as a cat food cud on the futon.”
Hmmm… Cole didn’t say “ate so quickly” or “bolted” he said “ate so much”. I thought that Tunch the Great and Ample was on a healthful slimming diet.
But good to hear that things came out OK, given the circumstances.
Xecky Gilchrist
…Lily was smacking her lips, and then the toilet overflowed.
Shit. After a start to the day like that, I’d advise you check your house for hidden cameras. Allen Funt would be laughing his ass off.
HRA
@Jager:
My condolences to Mrs. J., you and the dogs. That was an excellent piece you wrote about Chelsea.
Bills intercepted the Jets for the 5th time. Maybe…..
@licensed to kill time:
I can’t even say unbelieveable about the Balloon story. I think they are in deep FAA trouble over it or they should be anyway.
Chuck Butcher
When you have a day it sure is nice to be able to finish it off with an Eighty Mile Pictorial Harley Tour Of NorthEast Oregon
But then, I live here – and you don’t… come see us.
de stijl
Woke up, … [bitch, whine, moan, blah, etc.]
It’s like rain on your wedding day.
Darkrose
Look on the bright side: at least Lily hasn’t decided that there are delicacies to be found in the cat box.
Right Wing Extreme
Damn cats. They’ll eat anything, can’t keep most of it down but they’ll eat anything. I have four, I feel your pain.