This is rather amusing:
My wife of 12 years recently packed up her belongings and moved out of our home. After her car was loaded I couldn’t help but notice that a single item remained in her section of our closet, her wedding dress.
“You forgot something” I told her.
She replied “And what’s that?”.
“Your wedding dress”, I said.
“Yeah, I am not taking that” was her response.
“What do you expect me to do with it?” I asked.
And to that she replied, “Whatever the $%^@# you want”.
And this is what I did…..
Help me come up with 101 uses for this dress. I have many good ones but need more to complete 101. The current list can be found under THE (NOT QUITE) 101 USES tab. Please submit your ideas by making a comment. Thanks.
I’m a fan of the gas cap.
Just Some Fuckhead
Without following the link, I can sorta see why his wife left.
robertdsc
LOL. Crazy shit.
sherifffruitfly
Funny, but he’s gonna have to let go of the anger sooner or later, if he wants to truly move on.
Doesn’t mean it has to be *today*, of course. :P
Jon H
oil boom.
Jager
First off, he is lucky that he didn’t have to move out of the marital home and I suppose he could cut the dress into handily sized sqaures and use it instead of Charmin.
chrome agnomen
i suggested if he really wanted to get rid of it, he could wear it to a biker bar. then use it as a tourniquet.
Cerberus
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Yeah.
No hints whatsoever about why she left.
patrick II
He could give it to BP to use as part of the “junk shot” to plug the oil leak.
slag
Classy.
sukabi
marginally more constructive use of anger than a bullet or a bat… but if he ever thought of trying to get back together with his ex he can kiss that idea good bye.
Bucky
Dye it black and save it to bury her in it.
TrishB
@Just Some Fuckhead: When I moved out, I left behind the wedding dress, the bad poetry he had written for me, and the jewelery. Yes, I kept the engagement and wedding rings. They had been my grandmother’s.
Maybe he was able to re-gift the crap to the girlfriend he’d been supporting for the last 2 years of our marriage. I really don’t care what happened to the dress.
sputnikgayle
Going to a fancy wedding this weekend. Bride told my daughter in law (her matron of honor) that her dress cost 5K. Sheesh.
Cassidy
@Cerberus: So why the assumptions? Maybe, this women is a complete and utter b*tch, possibly deserving of the c*** moniker.
Larkspur
TrishB, glad you got out.
A 5K wedding dress? I don’t care, as long as it’s paid for by bazillionaires. I never could get the idea of going into massive debt for a wedding, though. Sputnikgayle, the food had better be very very good.
Larkspur
Cassidy, just spell the shit out.
Linda Featheringill
Looked like a nice dress. I am sure that someone with limited means would have loved to use it as a wedding dress.
Of course, that means that this wonderful jewel of a guy would have to do something other than express his anger and his anger and his anger and . . . . . . .
Men just coming off of a divorce are soooooo boring. They always have been and perhaps always will be.
SiubhanDuinne
I took my wedding dress with me when I left. Not long after I was invited to a “Renaissance Feaste” and honestly didn’t have a *thing* to wear. So I dyed my w.d. orange, glued huge crappy fake jewels all over the bodice, and that was my costume.
Zuzu's Petals
Read a couple of his posts, including how bad he feels that his children are so hurt and confused.
Uh, hello…?
Mnemosyne
@sputnikgayle:
Our photographer didn’t cost $5K, and we were able to get a really good one in Los Angeles, for freak’s sake.
My dress was about $300 from someone who bought it and changed her mind. For a silk organza designer dress.
Zuzu's Petals
@Linda Featheringill:
I thought of that too. ‘Course, that doesn’t stop brides from trashing their own dresses.
Roger Moore
@Larkspur:
I worked at a few bazillionaire wedding receptions while I was in college, mostly the families of wealthy donors. It was both amusing and disturbing to see how the super-rich spend their money. I’m still boggled by the idea of spending more money on a wedding than most families will see in a year.
The one that sticks in my mind the most is one where the bride and groom were unimpressed by the menu. The best man sneaked off to In-N-Out partway through the reception and came back with burgers and fries, which I served to the suddenly happier couple. I still don’t get how the parents could spend that much money on a lavish spectacle and not bother to check if the people who were supposed to be the center of the event were OK with the choice of food.
Rosali
If he hopes to marry again, I hope his future wife doesn’t google him.
Larkspur
Roger Moore, you are right. I do care about the extreme expenditures of bazillionaires, especially when they stiff the workers who make the extravaganza possible. Also, parental hijacking of a wedding is an awesome spectacle to behold. That’s why eloping was invented.
Anne Laurie
@SiubhanDuinne:
HA! When my father-in-law started bugging us to get married and he’d pay for the wedding, we chose a Renaissance/costume theme so we’d get some use of the dress & the musketeer outfit at future SCA events. Well, also, because white is so not my color and the Spousal Unit hates ties, much less tuxes.
Anne Laurie
@Roger Moore:
One of the oft-repeated lines I remember from planning our own wedding, almost 17 years ago, was “It’s not about you, it’s about your family! ! !” The wedding industry is still very much centered around the ancient tradition of impressing one’s entire village with every possible sign of one’s lavish prosperity, not about a celebration that one’s loved ones might actually enjoy. We got a lot of pressure to do stuff like “ask your parents for a list of their business contacts” to bulk out the numbers, complete with anecdotes about how a big expensive wedding was an excellent way to promote our own career skills and those of our kinfolk. Which might have made sense, vaguely, if those Boston-area planners hadn’t already been told that the Spousal Unit’s parents lived in Michigan and Florida, my parents were out of the picture, and members of the wedding party were coming in from Seattle, California, Wisconsin, Michigan, and DC…
sukabi
@Anne Laurie: sounds like your wedding planners were more interested in increasing the head count for their own purposes… higher head count = more expensive wedding = increased profit on their end
calling all toasters
That’s one big Molotov cocktail.
Phoebe
I gave mine to the Salvation Army. This guy is making a mountain out of a nothing. I suppose she was kind of sticking it to him by leaving it there [and not taking it to the Salvation Army], but who’s the petty one now? And their kids get to look at this. Jackass.
TrishB
@Larkspur: Hah, that’s why I love my mom. In the middle of wedding planning, she just said, “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a good honeymoon?” She paid off the deposit on the reception spot, gave me the money she was going to fork over for a wedding and said “Have a helluva month in Europe.” Considering how things worked out, at least I saw some new countries.
Yutsano
@TrishB: My parents offered my youngest brother $1000 to go to Vegas and get married. They even agreed to give them more if they needed it. Then my brothers and I all pitched in $1000 each and bought them a Caribbean cruise for their honeymoon. It was sweet fulfilling the lifelong dream of my SIL. It helps she’s so awesome that if my youngest brother screws it up we’re kicking him out and keeping her.
TrishB
@Yutsano: Sounds like you have a wonderful addition to the family.
fucen tarmal
love is blind
marriage is the institutionalization of love
marriage is an institution for the blind.
MarkusR
I don’t see why some of these posters are getting their panties in a bunch. The guy is having harmless fun!
WereBear
My first wedding gown was a Gunne Sax; very sweet and simple and inexpensive.
My grandmother heard I was getting married in a “gunny sack,” and didn’t blink an eye, knowing my iconoclast tendencies, and tried to give my mother money “so that child can wear a decent dress!”
Larkspur
MarkusR, my panties never get bunched. We’re having harmless fun, too.
One of my favorite weddings (I mean, that I heard about – I’ve never indulged, personally) was put on by the bride and groom, who were both remarkably poor. They never pretended they weren’t poor. They asked a friend if they could get married in the friend’s very pleasant back yard. The whole thing was potluck. The bride’s mom gave her $100 for a new dress, and because she was very resourceful, the bride looked lovely.
I don’t think she bought a Salvation Army dress; I think it was just a pretty dress. Aiming for grace can be the most satisfying sort of revenge. If I wanted to score one on an ex, I’d have considered taking the dress to the dry cleaner, then advertising it on Craigslist for $25. That way you could get the sad story out, provide someone with an affordable gown, and look really, really classy compared to the ex. Plus you yourself end up feeling less bitter, and that’s a good thing, ’cause bitterness takes up too much space in your head.
Phoenix Woman
When I got married, I’d just witnessed the disintegration of a marriage of a cousin of mine, who’d got married in a VERY elaborate ceremony, far more than her parents could easily afford. It was obvious that the elaborateness of the wedding was meant to allay fears — fears that were soon confirmed — about the advisability of the match.
I’d also just witnessed, at my workplace, a normally-sane woman turn into Bridezilla because the silk of the bridesmaids’ shoes and dresses couldn’t be dyed the exact same shade as the interior of the church where she was to be wed.
I told my parents that I wanted to be married at their house instead of a church or a bingo hall. They were so relieved that they had no problems with paying the $1000 total for the wedding expenses (outside of the judge, the license and the rings, for which we paid). That $1000 covered three dresses back in 1989, as well as a pony keg of beer and some of the food. The photographer was a co-worker who gave us his services as the wedding gift. (He did a fabulous job.)
We’re still together, fingers crossed.