Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Accountability, motherfuckers.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

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Reader Interactions

146Comments

  6. 6.

    Yutsano

    BA-KAWK!!

    Oh and Go Ducks. If I can’t have my Broncs might as well have a Pac-10 school get a shot at the title.

  12. 12.

    Corner Stone

    @Bnut: Oh, ok. I thought maybe you had a personal connection to the laptop he threw out of the dorm window when they came to ask him about a stolen computer.
    Because that’s just fucking unforgivable.

  13. 13.

    Anonymous At Work

    Pay you to what? Talk about a conference that puts the Big East to shame? That’s so good every year that the Big East had to invite TCU into their club to remain within line-of-sight?

  14. 14.

    Chuck Butcher

    I can’t watch since there’s no TV in this house I’m supposed to be working on … sick and its snowing its ass off. Since my kid and closest friend graduated from OSU I have reason to root for the Beavers, that would smart in the BCU and all, but I also don’t think the Broncos are getting a fair shake. (and I dislike them for doing to OSU what they have) I suppose I’ll find out how to goes after awhile. A Pizza Hut order was 155 minutes out … game I guess. Bend sucks to get around in and snow etc doesn’t make it easier and sick just rules out messing with it.

  16. 16.

    Yutsano

    @Chuck Butcher:

    Bend sucks to get around in

    You coulda just said you were in Bend and I would have felt for you dude. Yuck, what a rathole town. I hope you’re charging double.

  17. 17.

    MattR

    @Corner Stone:

    God I love watching Oregon play.

    Their offense really is a thing of beauty.

    I don’t really want to see Oregon lose, but I would like to see TCU get a shot in the national championship game. Definitely don’t have a problem rooting against Auburn.

  20. 20.

    MikeJ

    Do people in Oregon really call a football game the “civil war”? Really? That’s what the on screen guide sez on my teevee box.

    The whole “border war” thing, which they didn’t do back in the day (at least no so that I noticed it (but I drank a lot (rugby exists to have a rah rah team sport away from the stadium so you can drink before the football game (long, rambling nested parentheticals? I didn’t say I don’t drink at all now, just less (joke about showing me your cdr when you get in my car goes here))))) is the main reason I always hope Mizzou gets their asses kicked by Kansas every year.

  21. 21.

    Yutsano

    @MattR: Agreed on all points there.

    @MikeJ:

    Do people in Oregon really call a football game the “civil war”?

    Eugene and Corvallis are directly north-south of each other. I have to admit the name kind of fits, especially if this game divides Oregon like the Apple Cup does up here.

  24. 24.

    Chuck Butcher

    @Yutsano:
    I took the job for some previous (in town) customers. They’re nice, Bend sucks to get around in. 10 day weather forecast turns out to be a lie and deceit so I’m stuck here with a roof tear off to do and weather that is … not good for such a thing and won’t be for, well however long this current weather lie is accurate – 10 days snow and rain.

    Did I mention some kind of 24hr flu thing ripped me to pieces Thur night and Fri and today I’m weak as a kitten? Whine, whine.

  34. 34.

    MikeJ

    @Corner Stone: It’s just my way of getting the subject around to lisp, and thence to emacs, the one true text editor. Everybody else has their own holy war to worry about, just getting mine in.

  37. 37.

    Chuck Butcher

    @Bnut:
    Hell, I don’t care about that game in the least, well, Auburn needs to lose for Duck’s sake. I might take the SEC a bit more seriously if they played anybody else…

  42. 42.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Love the SEC. I have no idea why.

    We can work on this hon. I’m thinking twelve step program but gonna just ease into things for now.

    I want the whole BCS to get fucked up.

    As with many things, something we both are solidly behind.

    You feeling any bettah?

  46. 46.

    The Dangerman

    Go Gamers! Cocks aren’t my thing (well, present company excepted, of course).

    Can’t believe the NCAA left Newton eligible under a ruling that opens the floodgates. Were the Auburn cheerleaders seen going into the NCAA headquarters this week?

  48. 48.

    asiangrrlMN

    @arguingwithsignposts: You so crazy!

    @Corner Stone: Yes. This is true. I’ll say it loud and proud, “Goooo, Cocks!”

    @Yutsano: SEC is teh awesome. Big-11, not so much (Yes, I know it’s Big-10, but there are eleven teams. Soon to be twelve). Pac-10 is OK. And, I’m still blue. Plus, my annual bronchitis/cough/whatnot has hit. My normally-husky voice is now a bass growl.

  50. 50.

    arguingwithsignposts

    The BCS/NCAA is a sham anyway, and the SEC is just a shade under them in terms of hackery. It’s wall street for the big dawgs of college sports. they’re not going to turn on one of their own until they have to. which i expect in exactly … 100 days after he’s drafted to the NFL.

  51. 51.

    JPL

    Gee.. I’m already tired of the Cam Newton show. Maybe he’ll end up like Vince Young. I hope he enjoys Buffalo.

  53. 53.

    MattR

    @The Dangerman: I kinda understand where the NCAA is coming from. At one extreme end, I don’t think an athlete should be punished if a relative takes money with the intent of trying to influence that athlete into attending a certain school, especially if it is not a close relative. But the Newton case was close to the other extreme. Cam had pretty much given his father carte blanche to decide which school Cam would attend. Which in my mind means that the actions of the father were in fact the actions of the student. (EDIT: And therefore Cam should be ineligible)

  55. 55.

    Corner Stone

    @Bnut: I am so ashamed right now. Considering that series consists of about 40% of my comments I think I’m going to go hide in shame now.
    Well, maybe not. But it hurts.

  56. 56.

    The Dangerman

    @MattR:

    Which in my mind means that the actions of the father were in fact the actions of the student.

    Not sure it matters; even if only the Father is dirty, the only adequate penalty is to DQ the son. About the only way to stop the flood of pay for play now is racketeering charges; that should make the NCAA’s day.

  59. 59.

    MattR

    @efgoldman: Can we get some public polling on this topic? I can see them screwing over TCU if one team loses, but I don’t know how they will swing it if both go down.

    Fell asleep at the very end of the Fresno St game, but I was getting 6 and a half points so I was feeling comfortable.

    @The Dangerman: I think I agree. I am still trying to decide exactly how I feel about such a hard and fast rule. But either way, the Newton case was a no brainer.

  61. 61.

    Yutsano

    @jeffreyw: Mmm…frittata. I almost made one of those for lunch but just went with a boring bacon scramble. Though now that I think about it I could make quiche Lorraine…right now though my house smells AMAZING cause I’m making chicken stock. Serious nom, just added in the good chunkies.

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Plus, my annual bronchitis/cough/whatnot has hit.

    Go find yourself a good Jewish grandmother and camp out on her porch and demand chicken soup. Or break down and call your mom and get black chicken soup. Either way you’ll get fixed right up.

  63. 63.

    Joey Maloney

    Foombley!

    My niece went to Auburn, is my only stake in this game. And this Newton guy is a pretty amazing athlete.

    Thing is, he’s a senior now, isn’t he? So what difference would it make to him if he was ruled ineligible? That’s not going to make him any less desirable to the pros, will it? The NCAA is a joke, and not even a good joke.

  64. 64.

    MattR

    @Joey Maloney: Newton is a junior but he is expected to declare early for the NFL after this season so your point still holds.

    In other news, ESPN is reporting that the FY in FTFY have agreed to a contract with Derek Jeter for $17 million over three years with an optional fourth year for a lower salary

  68. 68.

    fucen tarmal

    @Joey Maloney:

    in the final analysis, no. a pro team won’t care a bit if they decide he is the guy.

    however 2 things might happen.

    1 if a pro team is looking for a reason to go with another player they might factor in character concerns, with that as the example..

    2 if it comes down to not wanting the guy, or not getting the guy where you draft, you might voice concerns to placate the coaches, a.d. etc at the schools involved, to gain access to information on other players…more honest opinions, more access to what they know of thing the pro’s can’t observe. basically they play up the angle that the kid is a weasil, to gain favor…hush hush, and if it gets attribution in the press someone is going to be career limited because of it.

    last year, a number of nfl teams breathed a huge sigh of relief that they didn’t have to make a decision on tebow, they didn’t want any of that mess, but they didn’t want to actually demonstrate it with their actions.

  70. 70.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Nothing in my statement suggested YOU had to cook it. The whole point of finding a Jewish grandmother in the first place is for that very purpose. I’m in a severe Jewish grandmother lack mode right now, which is why I’m taking matters into my own hands. It won’t be quite the same however.

  74. 74.

    Corner Stone

    @Loneoak: They weren’t character, IMO. They were his 3 second arm delivery motion. And the fact that every linebacker could not only outrun him side to side but also outweigh him while doing so. Unlike college.

  76. 76.

    fucen tarmal

    @Loneoak:

    that is the large part of it, the whole focus on the family thing doesn’t blend well with the lifestyle a lot of nfl players live.

    the last thing a guy wants to be doing is trying to talk his roadbeef into an abortion on his cell, in the locker room, and look up and see tt boy’s moonie face.

    then there is the part where he isn’t at all ready to be an nfl qb. gimmick plays/wildcat etc.

  77. 77.

    Yutsano

    @Loneoak:

    What were the character concerns with Tebow, besides all the Jesus-flavored nonsense?

    It wasn’t so much character concerns with Tebow. It’s his limitations as a QB package. He really doesn’t have an accurate arm, and if a play busts, he gives his QB coach a heart attack, keeps the ball, and powers through the defensive line. For a virgin he was sure flat on his back a lot. That usually doesn’t translate well into a long NFL career or a decent investment.

  79. 79.

    fucen tarmal

    @efgoldman:

    exactly, if he had talent(in an nfl context) character wouldn’t be an issue good or bad, you deal with it…but because talent isn’t sufficient to over ride, the jesus thing might be a problem…except in denver where all their sportsteams try to be a bit jeezusy

  85. 85.

    Disgruntled Lurker

    Nice finish to the half for SC, and they get to receive.

    Chickens. Counting. Hatching. Etc.

  90. 90.

    The Dangerman

    Don’t understand it; how hard is it to make sure the ball is batted DOWN. Not up, not out, down. Even for SEC players, that can’t be THAT hard.

  95. 95.

    Punchy

    SCam Newton widda nice Hail Mary TD b4 half. I wonder how much money Auburn will owe SCam’s dad for that lucky chuck.

  97. 97.

    S. cerevisiae

    Damn. The Beavers needed to play a perfect game and get a couple of bounces to pull this off and it just hasn’t happened that way. The big play offense of Oregon is just too good to make any mistakes against.

  100. 100.

    Montysano

    @Disgruntled Lurker:

    Am I the only Auburn fan here?

    No. I’m a midwesterner who moved to the Deep South many years ago, so for me, football is merely a sign that NCAA basketball is just around the corner. But I’m happy to see the home team do well, and Cam Newton has gotten me mildly interested in college football.

  102. 102.

    GG

    @Yutsano:

    Youtube Tebow/speech. Apparently, home schooling doesn’t provide a quality education … the kid could get stuck in a revolving door.

  103. 103.

    Yutsano

    @arguingwithsignposts: There are certain points that are worth emphasizing, even if mention of them is redundant. Plus pitchers don’t report for three months and I never miss an opportunity to say FTFY.

    @GG: I’ve heard him talk. He may be a God-botherer but he is dumb as an old hickory post.

  105. 105.

    Disgruntled Lurker

    @GG:

    Wow—I was unaware Auburn fans could read, let alone type.

    My being a fan is due to my graduating from that fine Institute of Higher Learning. That gives me a slight edge over the people who are fans due to geographical proximity.

  118. 118.

    Yutsano

    @Bnut: $200 million dollar payroll and they still didn’t seal the deal. Plus cracks in the stadium they just built. And those are my relative low-suit cards. But if you want I’ll call my brother. His visceral hatred of the Yankees puts a lot of folks to shame.

  120. 120.

    stuckinred

    @asiangrrlMN: What would be good is for Auburn to win it all and then get drilled like SC did. Their fans have the most incredible inferiority complex as it is and that would cement them as THE red headed step-child of all time.

  123. 123.

    GG

    Eff. Enjoy the national championship for the 6 or so months the NCAA allows you to keep it, Auburn.

  125. 125.

    Bnut

    @stuckinred: I’m hoping Oregon does to cam what Bama did to McCoy last year. Anyone who thinks Auburn is more than a one trick pony has not watched their games. Granted, it’s a fucking awesome pony.

  126. 126.

    Yutsano

    @Bnut: That was higher up on the list, and I’m not even getting to the ownership stuff, because I usually reserve that for dirty pool or folks I really don’t like. Since you fall under neither, I shall refrain. Plus I’m from Seattle, so we don’t get to talk smack too often.

  131. 131.

    S. cerevisiae

    @Yutsano: Cracks in the FY billion dollar stadium? I wonder how much certain “Families” collected off of that contract?

  132. 132.

    Bernie

    Auburn up 49-14 with 11 minutes left in the game. BCS Championship game here we come.

    War Damn Eagle!

  137. 137.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Bernie:
    well, given the natural bent for the SEC in pre-season rankings, sure. Arkansas always has sucked, though.

    like i said, enjoy your mythical national championship game. when you want to play like real teams, get with the rest of the NCAA sports – or even the rest of the lower-level football divisions.

    (and, btw, this is nothing against Auburn specifically – I hate all BCS equally)

  141. 141.

    JPL

    This is funny.. Cincinnati’s Bearcat mascot was cited for disorderly conduct after a snowball-throwing incident in the stands during a game against Pittsburgh.
    eavy snow covered the field and stands for the Big East game on Saturday afternoon. When Pitt’s Dion Lewis scored the second of his three touchdowns in the half, students pelted him with snowballs and were told to stop.

    A school spokesman says the mascot also was told to stop throwing snowballs in the stands and pushed a security guard, knocking both of them to the ground. The mascot was detained and cited. He was not identified.

    A backup mascot took his place at halftime.

    Thanks due to the AJC

  144. 144.

    Kyle

    @Bernie: I will also note that those wins include two against two current top ten teams and five current top 25 teams. And how about yet another SEC team in the championship game?

  146. 146.

    alwhite

    “90% of all college teams obey the NCAA regulations . . . the other 10% go to bowl games”
    – Bear Bryant, who if I remember right may have gone to a bowl game or two.

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