Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Their shamelessness is their super power.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Mediocre white men think RFK Jr’s pathetic midlife crisis is inspirational. The bar is set so low for them, it’s subterranean.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

We still have time to mess this up!

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

… gradually, and then suddenly.

Everybody saw this coming.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Museums are not America’s attic for its racist shit.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

Every decision we make has lots of baggage with it, known or unknown.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

The current Supreme Court is a dangerous, rogue court.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You are here: Home / I celebrate the man’s entire catalog

I celebrate the man’s entire catalog

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Even the liberal Politico deserves a link for writing something that amuses me this much:

No, it’s not just an attention-getting stunt. John Bolton is seriously considering running for president.

[….]

Editor Rich Lowry said the magazine made Bolton its subject because of his rising profile in conservative circles.

“He looms quite large,” Lowry said. “There are so few voices on foreign policy [in Republican politics]. John has that expertise, and he’s on Fox, I would guess, once a day at least. He’s writing what feels like, to me, an op-ed a week or more for fairly substantial outlets.”

According to New York State election laws, I can change my party registration to Republican 20 days before the 2012 Republican primary. If Sarah Palin or John Bolton is on the ballot and is still legitimately contending, I will do so. If they’re both on it, I don’t know who I’ll vote for.

I almost don’t even dare to say this for fear of jinxing it all…..But, as a Patriots fan, I was crushed when that stupid helmet catch ruined the Patriots’ change to go 19-0. That chance for perfection doesn’t come along very often. A Palin-Bolton Republican ticket would be that kind of perfection. It would fill a hole in my life that’s been there since the 2008 Super Bowl.

Reader Interactions

61Comments

  2. 2.

    General Stuck

    Every presidential election should have a candidate with ill intent and a cheesy mustache. It doesn’t get any more Americana than that.

  6. 6.

    El Cid

    Well, at least we know he’s qualified to chase subordinates down hallways and bang on their doors and throw staplers.

  7. 7.

    Mike Kay (Democrat of the Century)

    Does this mean Little Richard lowery no longer sees sarah’s starbursts?

    sniffle.

  8. 8.

    Michael Bersin

    Uh, oh. I covered him this summer:

    Ambassador John Bolton at Missouri Boys State: photos

    Ambassador John Bolton at Missouri Boys State: remarks

    Ambassador John Bolton at Missouri Boys State: Q and A, part 1

    Ambassador John Bolton at Missouri Boys State: Q and A, part 2

    Ambassador John Bolton at Missouri Boys State: Q and A, part 3

    …Uh, now, in fact, uh no chemical weapons were used during the second Persian Gulf War and we have not located, uh, anything but little bits and traces of the chemical weapons capability. Now that means one of several things. First, that somehow or another Saddam had destroyed the chemical weapons. But there is simply no, uh, uh, no evidence anywhere that that’s happened. It’s not something that you just kind of dump into the Tigris and Euphrates River, uh, unless you want to kill everything in it for hundreds of miles. Uh, the, if you look at the way the United States is destroying its own chemical weapons supplies it’s in very tightly controlled circumstances. This is an extraordinarily hazardous, uh, thing to do, uh, with great risk of, uh, uh, of people getting killed if the process goes wrong. So, to have destroyed the, uh, supplies that Iraq claimed would have, there would have been evidence of it and we’ve found no such evidence. Second possibility is he shipped it out of the country. We just don’t know whether he did or not. Third possibility is that he buried it in the desert somewhere. Now, hard as that is to believe, you ought to go on, uh, the Internet and find the pictures that American troops took of big fighter planes wrapped in burlap buried in the desert sands being uncovered by American bulldozers. It’s like scenes out of Planet of the Apes with wings and tail fins of Migs peering out of the desert sand. Anybody who’s crazy enough to bury Mig fighters in the desert is probably crazy enough to bury chemical weapons. [applause] But we haven’t, we haven’t found that. So, so that, please, don’t go away, I’m not done yet. [laughter] That leaves the possibility that Saddam was lying about his chemical weapons capabilities in nineteen ninety-one when he made the declarations to the United Nations. That, that may be the most likely outcome. That shows how profoundly, uh, deceptive and threatening this regime was. But, but let’s be clear, the decision to remove Saddam Hussein was a plus for the United States and the world, it has, it has removed one of the most dangerous regimes, uh, in the Middle East, it has given the Israeli [sic] people the chance for self government, which they hadn’t had in their entire history, uh, and I think that it will lead, uh, to, to greater peace and security for the United States. [applause, cheers] …

  9. 9.

    Mike Kay (Democrat of the Century)

    Wall Street Journal Poll (12/15)

    If the election was held today who would you vote for:

    Obama 55% Palin 33%

    that’s not a misprint.

    If Obama merely splits the undecided, he could break the all time popular vote record, set by LBJ in 1964 (61%).

    And that is why I committed months ago to make a maximum donation to Palin. For once, let’s rat-fuck them.

    Also, my portfolio has been on fire since obama took office – up 44.65% in 23 months. Dow was 7949 on 1/20/09 and closed today 11,499.

  12. 12.

    carlos the dwarf

    But, as a Patriots fan, I was crushed when that stupid helmet catch ruined the Patriots’ change to go 19-0.

    As a Giants fan, that was one of the greatest moments of my life. At least we can agree on the horrific gloriousness of Palin/Bolton.

  13. 13.

    chopper

    According to New York State election laws, I can change my party registration to Republican 20 days before the 2012 Republican primary. If Sarah Palin or John Bolton is on the ballot and is still legitimately contending, I will do so. If they’re both on it, I don’t know who I’ll vote for.

    i’m in the same boat.

  16. 16.

    stuckinred

    CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Jamar Briscoe scored 14 points, fed Phil Jones for the go-ahead layup with 7.4 seconds left and Charlotte handed No. 7 Tennessee its second stunning upset loss of the week, 49-48 on Friday night.

    Hell Yes

  17. 17.

    Mike Kay (Democrat of the Century)

    that deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball.

    He stands like a statue
    Becomes part of the machine
    Feeling all the bumpers
    Always playing clean
    He plays by intuition
    The digit counters fall
    That deaf, dumb and blind kid
    Sure plays a mean pinball

    How do you think he does it?
    (I don’t know)
    What makes him so good?

    He ain’t got no distractions
    Can’t hear those buzzers and bells
    Don’t see lights a flashin’
    Plays by sense of smell
    Always gets a replay
    Never tilts at all
    That deaf, dumb and blind kid
    Sure plays a mean pinball

  19. 19.

    Mike Kay (Democrat of the Century)

    @DougJ: Bill Bradley was slightly better at b-ball than Barack.

    Sadly, brother bill had zero charisma, and less than zero communication skillz.

  20. 20.

    DickSpudCouchPotatoDetective

    Palin-Bolton?

    Which one of them would be jailed for trying to kill the other first?

  21. 21.

    Anya

    DougJ, I am at a point in my life that I cannot never rule out anything anymore. A Bolton or a Palin presidency is a possibility. The same people who almost elected a crazy teabaggers in Minnesota and equally crazy teabaggers all throughout the land are still out there and still capable of electing the angry mustache and the dimwitted grifter.

  22. 22.

    Mike Kay (Democrat of the Century)

    btw. you guys are aware that Bolton used to engage in orgies with his wife and random strangers at the infamous Manhattan sex club “Plato’s Retreat”

    somethin seriously wrong with a guy who want gets off on seeing his wife servicing strangers.

  25. 25.

    Nick in PA

    I didn’t even read your post yet … but laughed at the title.

    ‘Yeah … he’s, uh, pretty good …’

  27. 27.

    Nick in PA

    Okay now I have read it.

    That helmet catch sucked so badly … making that doofus Eli Manning a Super Bowl champion. Ugh.

    And Rich Lowry. My God. ‘Starbursts’ weren’t enough to have this man laughed out of public life, permanently?

    “John has that expertise …”

  29. 29.

    ocean man

    doug- have to comment as a giants fan. That run the giants had that year was the greatest sports experience I have had as a fan. There were no expectations. Each week they were underdogs. I remember just hoping that they would play well and not get embarrassed. What a magical run. Even my wife, who is a cleveland fan, jumped up and screamed when that catch was made.

  34. 34.

    RosiesDad

    @carlos the dwarf: As a fellow Giants fan, it was one of mine as well. The whole play was other-worldly, from Eli evading the sack to the heave downfield to Tyrrell’s improbable grab.

    The Pats didn’t deserve to go 19-0. They were lucky to eke out their win in week 17; there was no way they were going to beat the Giants twice in 4 weeks.

    But Palin/Bolton would be a Gift from the Gods.

  35. 35.

    Villago Delenda Est

    You’re sleeping with Seven of fucking Nine, and that’s not enough for you?

    This is why Ryan is a real asstard.

  38. 38.

    patrick II

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    To the distress of his many fans, Beck has already disavowed any interest in running, or being on a Palin/Beck ticket. Unlike Bolton I think Beck at times actually understands that he is not that emotionally stable. Bolton on the other hand never doubts for an instant that his own vicious sociopathy will make the world a better place — if only he had more power.

  39. 39.

    CJ

    @RosiesDad:

    Speaking as an Eagles fan, I don’t remember the Giants winning so much as the Pats losing.

    Also I’ve blacked out the Pats-Eagles bowl from my memory.

  40. 40.

    handy

    If Bolton can’t even take a little heat from Bruno about his dance moves, how is he going to survive the primaries, let alone the general?

  41. 41.

    JGabriel

    DougJ:

    If Sarah Palin or John Bolton is on the ballot and is still legitimately contending, I will do so. If they’re both on it, I don’t know who I’ll vote for.

    Bolton. Since Palin will win the GOP nom anyway, you’ll want to vote for Bolton to shore up his support for the VP slot.

    .

  42. 42.

    JGabriel

    @Mike Kay (Democrat of the Century):

    you guys are aware that Bolton used to engage in orgies with his wife and random strangers at the infamous Manhattan sex club “Plato’s Retreat”

    That’s not Bolton, that’s GOP consultant / dirty tricks expert Roger Stone.

    Unless it’s both. After all, Roger Stone can’t be the only Republican with a history in the swinger’s scene.

    .

  44. 44.

    Breezeblock

    Trying to think of anything I hate more than the Patriots.

    Ebola? TB? STD? No, I hate the Cheatriots more than any of those afflictions.

    It was super sweet when the Giants beat those cocksuckers.

  47. 47.

    Mo MacArbie

    Well if my memory of NY election laws is still valid, you’re going to have to do more than just vote if the party doesn’t want her/him. They might not even be on the ballot. Are you willing to go door to door for signatures in every district?

  48. 48.

    NobodySpecial

    But, as a Patriots fan, I was crushed when that stupid helmet catch ruined the Patriots’ change to go 19-0. That chance for perfection doesn’t come along very often.

    Don’t worry, you can always watch the video.

  54. 54.

    Barney

    The most delusional quote comes from Ari Fleischer:

    John was covered in quicksand [at the U.N.] and still spoke truth to power.

    Yeah, ‘truth to power’ – when you’re meant to be a diplomat to the world, you have a military budget equal to the entire rest of the world behind you, and you spend your days insulting all other countries and threatening to invade them, that’s “speaking truth to power”. Does Fleischer belong to the ‘Left Behind’ conspiracy school, in which the UN is a cover for the Antichrist?

  55. 55.

    Steve M.

    I think Bolton is a serious contender for Palin’s running mate if she gets the nomination — party mandarins will ask her to pick someone who has foreign policy chops and is a “gray eminence” who’s taken seriously in the Beltway. She’ll want to pick a batshit crazy person. Bolton is the perfect fit, on all counts.

  57. 57.

    drew42

    DougJ, you’re completely wrong here.

    I don’t think you’re taking into consideration the incredible amount of stupid that will come out of a Palin/Bolton presidential campaign. It won’t be entertaining — it will be a nightmare. And we’ll all be worse off for it.

    As we’ve seen, the more crazy, incoherent Republicans dominate our discourse, the more it pulls media coverage to the right.

    In my opinion, what would help the liberal agenda is if a “moderate” Republican ran and got his/her clock cleaned. That way, instead of the 2012 campaign being about center vs. crazy right, it could be about center left vs. center right, with center left coming out on top. At least we’d have somewhat saner media coverage.

    And by the way, as a Giants and Syracuse (David Tyree played for SU) fan, that catch is the high point of my sports-watching life.

  58. 58.

    DougJ

    @drew42:

    In my opinion, what would help the liberal agenda is if a “moderate” Republican ran and got his/her clock cleaned.

    Honestly, as much as I might enjoy seeing that happen, I think it would be the very worst thing that could happen. It would facilitate a complete and total take-over of the Republican party by the crazies. That might not make much of a difference in Washington (where the Republicans already do as the crazies say) but I think it would filter down to the state and local levels in a way that would be catastrophic.

  60. 60.

    drew42

    @DougJ: The GOP has already been taken over by crazies. Note how the once-moderate Romney talks (the original draft of my comment had “Romney” in place of “moderate Republican” — changed because that doesn’t apply anymore).

    They’re just going to get crazier and crazier regardless of who they nominate, and how well/badly the candidate performs. More and more GOP leaders are seeing that Loud & Crazy == $$$, and with the party of greed that’s all that matters.

    The point isn’t to change the GOP, but to change how the media discusses policy (and hopefully, how they treat Republican views). Currently, the debate on almost every major issue is from the Left: watered-down, centrist policies, from the Right: head-slappingly stupid policies. This shifts the debate way to the right, mainstreams factually incorrect arguments, and also gives Democrats no political incentive to push it any further than “Well, at least our proposals aren’t fucking retarded.”

    But if a moderate Republican runs then maybe, just maybe, the media will be forced to focus on the actual facts and implications of the opponents’ policies. And that can only help us.

  61. 61.

    Barb (formerly Gex)

    Y’all gotta help me bitch about this. Was debating with a tea bagger (friend of a friend) about the environment. When I expressed concern about potable water shortages his answer was that potable water isn’t an issue because most people buy bottled water.

    Here’s some of my theories.

    1) he thought “potable” was “portable”
    2) “most people” is most people in the U.S., not globally
    3) he honestly thinks that if you can’t afford safe clean drinking water than you don’t deserve any

    I feel despair. I hope our Chinese Overlords learn from our mistakes and find a way to become people-friendly. More despair.

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