Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

The willow is too close to the house.

The revolution will be supervised.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

“More of this”, i said to the dog.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

Infrastructure week. at last.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2012 / The F-Team

The F-Team

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How bad is the Republican field? So bad that Rich Lowry is calling this train wreck the “A team” that “isn’t on the field”:

The Chris Matthews “Oh, God” at the beginning still cracks me up.

At any rate, at some point conservative “intellectuals” like Lowry are going to realize that the fail parade he currently sees is the best they are going to be able to have when their ideology caters to outright morons. You aren’t going to get leaders to push the kind of nonsense the GOP wants the public to believe, you are going to get lunatics, charlatans, and frauds, or, as we know them, Bachmann, Gingrich, and Romney.

The badness of the GOP field is tied to the awfulness of the platform and the emptiness of modern conservative thought. The two are inseparable. There is a reason Robert Duvall did not star in Macgruber yet Will Forte did…

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58Comments

  3. 3.

    demkat620

    I just have one question: If the economy continues to show signs of life, what will the GOP argument be?

    Can’t be national security or foreign policy. Is it hating on the gays, the wimmen, and the browns?

    Or is it simply, he’s blackity black black black?

    This clown car could get really ugly by the convention.

  4. 4.

    c u n d gulag

    Somewhere where it’s always hot, William F. Buckley must look at the TNR, and Lowry in particular, then the Republican Presidential candidates, and wonders where all of the smart evil people went?

  6. 6.

    dmsilev

    Still desperately searching for a vaguely plausible NotRomney. As I said earlier this morning, if Romney does manage to emerge victorious from this farce, the reversal by Lowry and his fellow gasbags will be a full-on Ministry of Truth “We support Mitt Romeny. We have always supported Mitt Romney.”

  8. 8.

    Zagloba

    @c u n d gulag: Somewhere where it’s always hot, William F. Buckley must look at the TNR, and Lowry in particular, and wonder where all of the smart evil people went?

    You can be as smart as you want, if you’re trying to herd a pack of newly-awoken hyenas, you end up with the public figure who inspires the most insane laughter.

  9. 9.

    Southern Beale

    There is a reason Robert Duvall did not star in Macgruber yet Will Forte did…

    ???????

    What the fuck does that mean?

    I thought Robert Duvall was a Republican. Last I checked he was. He’s also a better actor than Will Forte. But what that has to do with the price of oranges in Angola I have no clue ….

  10. 10.

    Josie

    There are two people that I miss desperately during this silly political season – George Carlin and Molly Ivins. They would have reveled in it.

  11. 11.

    suzanne

    @c u n d gulag:

    William F. Buckley must look at the TNR, and Lowry in particular, then the Republican Presidential candidates, and wonders where all of the smart evil people went?

    LMMFAO. So true.
    It’s like they’re looking to elect Professor Moriarty, but can only find Dr. Doofenschmirtz.

  12. 12.

    dmsilev

    @demkat620: Their argument? They’ll probably continue with the long-running campaign to try and paint Obama as The Other, and combine that with an awful lot of absolutely shameless lies.

    Same as last time, basically.

  13. 13.

    Barry

    Is Pyuish an American citizen? His birth certificate looks pretty phony.

    And his story of how his father came here without a job would have violated the immigration laws of time. As there is no statute of limitation on lying to a consular official with regard to immigration, surely we should open an investigation.

  15. 15.

    Brachiator

    The badness of the GOP field is tied to the awfulness of the platform and the emptiness of modern conservative thought

    Problem is, even the “best Republicans,” the ones conservative pundits would prefer, are just as committed to crazy policies as are the dopes currently in the field. Christie, Jeb Bush, etc., would all happily sing from the same hymn book.

  17. 17.

    YellowJournalism

    Suzanne, they seem to use the same tactics, too.

    “My name is Doof, and you’ll do what I say. Whoot! Whoot!”

  19. 19.

    johnsmith1882

    @cathyx: yeah, if mr. rogers was hit over the head with a hammer. he sounds like a c-rate voiceover in a educational school reel. i kept waiting for the ‘beep’ so someone would turn the frame.

  20. 20.

    Villago Delenda Est

    The badness of the GOP field is tied to the awfulness of the platform and the emptiness of modern conservative thought

    Modern “conservative” thought is so bad that they aren’t reacting to the 60’s or the Enlightenment anymore…they’re reacting to the Renaissance.

  22. 22.

    Benjamin Franklin

    It’s getting so bad, that people might just have a sympathy vote, like someone from the Special Olympics performing badly at American Idol, and running away with the audience and the judges.

    I think we should fluff them a little more, just to tamp that possibility down.

  26. 26.

    Davis X. Machina

    Any white guy who wears suits, and makes president-noises, who has an R after his name, is still going to get at least 50 million popular votes regardless of who he is. Brand loyalty is as American as McDonald’s™.

    These people aren’t beat themselves, not in a country built on brand names.

  27. 27.

    Brachiator

    @Barry:

    Is Pyuish an American citizen?

    Anchor baby. His parents were Indian citizens who both had green cards.

    But it is sadly comical that conservatives embrace Jindall, but would reject others in a similar circumstance.

  28. 28.

    Waldo

    The clown car has four flat tires and there’s nothing in the garage but worn out retreads. Might as well give Fred Thompson another shot.

  35. 35.

    Roy G

    Simple. Just exhume Reagan’s corpse, claim God resurrected him, and run him for President, Weekend At Bernie’s style.

  36. 36.

    bcinaz

    Well said John. If Zombie Darwin reappeared on earth today, I think he would be confused. On the one hand we have accomplished a lot in the past 150 years, on the other hand, Newt Gingrich is running for President and we still use the internal combustion engine for transportation.

  37. 37.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    Memo to Republicans:

    What makes you think this isn’t the other place?

    There is no “A team”. There is only the B Ark, and you’re all Bozos on this ship of fools.

  39. 39.

    Montysano

    @amk: Incredibly sweet. Thanks for posting it.

    Disagreeing with the guy? I get that. Hating him and his lovely family? That I don’t get. Well… sadly, I do.

  40. 40.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @amk:

    Yeah, but Orly Taitz is an immigrant, not someone who was born here of immigrant parents, which is the definition of “anchor baby”…the child born on US soil is a citizen at birth, and therefore “anchors” the immigrant parents to the US.

  41. 41.

    suzanne

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Looking for Darth Vader, got Dark Helmet.

    LMMFAO. I am too old to still find that movie as hilarious as I do.

    @Brachiator:

    But it is sadly comical that conservatives embrace Jindall, but would reject others in a similar circumstance.

    Well, that’s the shitty thing about ethics and integrity: feeling bound by conscience to obey them, even if it means you might lose.

  42. 42.

    amk

    @Villago Delenda Est: Gotta love the goppers’ pretzel logic. A ferrin born nutjob for senator for life (theoretically at least) ? Yes. But an authentic hawaiian as prezinent? Hell no.

    fucking lunatic insane racist mofos.

  43. 43.

    amk

    @Cat Lady: @Montysano: He must rank at the top for the pols that gets the kids and vice versa. Frankly, I haven’t seen a single foto/vid with a kid crying with this guy. Fuck, there is even a vid where a cranky kid stopped crying the moment he was handed over to him for a photo shoot.

  44. 44.

    Southern Beale

    @John Cole:

    It means that you don’t get great actors to do shitty material, just like you are not going to get great leaders pushing shitty ideas. It’s a good analogy.

    OH I totally did not get that. I was stuck on the Robert-Duvall-is-a-Republican-thing ….

  45. 45.

    Montysano

    @amk:

    Frankly, I haven’t seen a single foto/vid with a kid crying with this guy.

    The ones that really get me are the ones of African-American kids looking at him with a mixture of joy and wonder. Makes me misty every time.

    I was visiting with an old friend the other day, and he assured me that our national nervous breakdown over Obama’s presidency has not gone unnoticed in the black community.

  48. 48.

    kindness

    Post like this are both why I like reading BJ and are why John isn’t considered ‘serious’ by the media’s village elders. It’s OK. I’d hate to have to act like I liked the media whores.

  49. 49.

    Mark S.

    Rich “Starbursts” Lowery is complaining about the lack of intelligent conservative leaders? Maybe you should look in the mirror, Rich.

  51. 51.

    Donut

    @demkat620:

    Been saying this for awhile now, cuz it just seems obvious and inevitable: the GOP as a whole (though not necessarily the presidential candidate) is going to lose its collective shit in 2012. We are going to see language and framing that makes that last three years look tame. They got nothing else, even if the economy is bad, other than, “we aren’t the black guy and see, he isn’t a real American.” They will riff on that endlessly. Gonna be something “special”.

  52. 52.

    Boots Day

    Once upon a time, Rick Perry was seen as the GOP A-lister who was sadly sitting out the presidential run. Then he jumped in and was revealed as the know-nothing hack he’s always been.

    I don’t see who this A-team is supposed to be. There are no distinguished elder statesmen or stateswomen in the Republican Party, and no bright and shining young lights, except for maybe Marco Rubio.

  53. 53.

    Southern Beale

    And speaking of the KKKlown KKKar ….

    Newly recovered court files cast doubt on Gingrich version of first divorce
    __
    Carrollton, Georgia (CNN) — Newt Gingrich claims that it was his first wife, not Gingrich himself, who wanted their divorce in 1980, but court documents obtained by CNN appear to show otherwise.
    __
    The Republican presidential candidate, now in his third marriage, has been peppered with attacks and questions about his divorce from Jackie Gingrich for the past three decades.
    __
    Questions about his past — and what that past tells voters about his personal behavior — have re-emerged as he has returned to the political scene 13 years after he resigned as speaker of the House.
    __
    A new defense that has arisen as Gingrich entered the presidential race this year is the insistence that she, not he, wanted the divorce.

  54. 54.

    Rome Again

    @amk:

    She lost. She also recently lost Barnett v Obama. She has taken now to begging the state of Arizona to secede from the union while promising that she will appeal Barnett. LOL Hopeless loser.

  55. 55.

    Yutsano

    @Boots Day:

    and no bright and shining young lights, except for maybe Marco Rubio

    Hold onto that maybe. Marco has zero appeal in a national context beyond Miami old school Cubans. And that demographic is rapidly dwindling.

    @Rome Again: Piyush is different because SHUT UP THAT’S WHY!! At least Obama had one American parent.

  56. 56.

    Rome Again

    I see we have two Jindal threads and I posted this on the first one. I’ll copy it here or it will be forever lost:

    From Wikipedia’s Jindal page: “Jindal was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to Amar and Raj Jindal, who came to the United States as immigrants from Punjab, India, six months before he was born.[2]” – were either of his parents American citizens when he was born? I get the feeling the birthers will suddenly go silent. Hell, he wasn’t even CONCEIVED in America.

    If life begins at conception, Jindal is not a natural born citizen. :P Heh, hehe!

  57. 57.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @Barry:

    Is Pyuish an American citizen? His birth certificate looks pretty phony.

    Lurking on wingnut blogs, I’ve seen birthers get quite divided over this issue (they clash over Marco Rubio, too). Some of them say it’s ridiculous to question Jindal’s/Rubio’s Americanosity (also, remember the 11th Commandment!), while the more hardcore nativists want to see everybody’s papers, dammit.

    The most entertaining, though, are the ones who insist that their own birtherism is merely “a Constitutional concern” about who is and isn’t eligible for public office, and they think Jindal/Rubio should be test court cases that would set a legal precedent for birtherism but that would leave Jindal/Rubio unscathed, as they clearly have the proper papers and there is no questioning their Americanosity.

    I find that position the most hilarious because they seriously think that using the word “Constitution” as a verbal tic gives them unassailable seriousness, when really, they just sound like Damon Wayans’ In Living Color character who liked to misuse and abuse fancy-sounding words in a misguided attempt to sound smart.

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