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You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2012 / The F-Team

The F-Team

by John Cole|  December 26, 201110:38 am| 58 Comments

This post is in: Election 2012, Clown Shoes, Teabagger Stupidity

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How bad is the Republican field? So bad that Rich Lowry is calling this train wreck the “A team” that “isn’t on the field”:

The Chris Matthews “Oh, God” at the beginning still cracks me up.

At any rate, at some point conservative “intellectuals” like Lowry are going to realize that the fail parade he currently sees is the best they are going to be able to have when their ideology caters to outright morons. You aren’t going to get leaders to push the kind of nonsense the GOP wants the public to believe, you are going to get lunatics, charlatans, and frauds, or, as we know them, Bachmann, Gingrich, and Romney.

The badness of the GOP field is tied to the awfulness of the platform and the emptiness of modern conservative thought. The two are inseparable. There is a reason Robert Duvall did not star in Macgruber yet Will Forte did…

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Previous Post: « The Disunited States Of GOP America
Next Post: I’m Not Homophobic, I Just Don’t Like Being Around Gays and Their Bathrooms Scare Me »

Reader Interactions

58Comments

  1. 1.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 10:42 am

    More clowns, merrier it is.

    The A-team title was better, john.

  2. 2.

    Three-nineteen

    December 26, 2011 at 10:44 am

    And yet Liam Neeson starred in The A-Team. Go figure.

  3. 3.

    demkat620

    December 26, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I just have one question: If the economy continues to show signs of life, what will the GOP argument be?

    Can’t be national security or foreign policy. Is it hating on the gays, the wimmen, and the browns?

    Or is it simply, he’s blackity black black black?

    This clown car could get really ugly by the convention.

  4. 4.

    c u n d gulag

    December 26, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Somewhere where it’s always hot, William F. Buckley must look at the TNR, and Lowry in particular, then the Republican Presidential candidates, and wonders where all of the smart evil people went?

  5. 5.

    biscuits

    December 26, 2011 at 10:50 am

    What do you have against celery sticks?

  6. 6.

    dmsilev

    December 26, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Still desperately searching for a vaguely plausible NotRomney. As I said earlier this morning, if Romney does manage to emerge victorious from this farce, the reversal by Lowry and his fellow gasbags will be a full-on Ministry of Truth “We support Mitt Romeny. We have always supported Mitt Romney.”

  7. 7.

    cathyx

    December 26, 2011 at 10:52 am

    He sounds like Mr. Rogers when he talks.

  8. 8.

    Zagloba

    December 26, 2011 at 10:52 am

    @c u n d gulag: Somewhere where it’s always hot, William F. Buckley must look at the TNR, and Lowry in particular, and wonder where all of the smart evil people went?

    You can be as smart as you want, if you’re trying to herd a pack of newly-awoken hyenas, you end up with the public figure who inspires the most insane laughter.

  9. 9.

    Southern Beale

    December 26, 2011 at 10:54 am

    There is a reason Robert Duvall did not star in Macgruber yet Will Forte did…

    ???????

    What the fuck does that mean?

    I thought Robert Duvall was a Republican. Last I checked he was. He’s also a better actor than Will Forte. But what that has to do with the price of oranges in Angola I have no clue ….

  10. 10.

    Josie

    December 26, 2011 at 10:56 am

    There are two people that I miss desperately during this silly political season – George Carlin and Molly Ivins. They would have reveled in it.

  11. 11.

    suzanne

    December 26, 2011 at 10:56 am

    @c u n d gulag:

    William F. Buckley must look at the TNR, and Lowry in particular, then the Republican Presidential candidates, and wonders where all of the smart evil people went?

    LMMFAO. So true.
    It’s like they’re looking to elect Professor Moriarty, but can only find Dr. Doofenschmirtz.

  12. 12.

    dmsilev

    December 26, 2011 at 10:57 am

    @demkat620: Their argument? They’ll probably continue with the long-running campaign to try and paint Obama as The Other, and combine that with an awful lot of absolutely shameless lies.

    Same as last time, basically.

  13. 13.

    Barry

    December 26, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Is Pyuish an American citizen? His birth certificate looks pretty phony.

    And his story of how his father came here without a job would have violated the immigration laws of time. As there is no statute of limitation on lying to a consular official with regard to immigration, surely we should open an investigation.

  14. 14.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 10:58 am

    wonder how ‘piyush’ fucking jindal would look in a moment like this.

  15. 15.

    Brachiator

    December 26, 2011 at 11:03 am

    The badness of the GOP field is tied to the awfulness of the platform and the emptiness of modern conservative thought

    Problem is, even the “best Republicans,” the ones conservative pundits would prefer, are just as committed to crazy policies as are the dopes currently in the field. Christie, Jeb Bush, etc., would all happily sing from the same hymn book.

  16. 16.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 26, 2011 at 11:04 am

    @amk:

    That put a huge grin on my face! Just sweet sweet sweet.

  17. 17.

    YellowJournalism

    December 26, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Suzanne, they seem to use the same tactics, too.

    “My name is Doof, and you’ll do what I say. Whoot! Whoot!”

  18. 18.

    Villago Delenda Est

    December 26, 2011 at 11:05 am

    @suzanne:

    Looking for Darth Vader, got Dark Helmet.

  19. 19.

    johnsmith1882

    December 26, 2011 at 11:06 am

    @cathyx: yeah, if mr. rogers was hit over the head with a hammer. he sounds like a c-rate voiceover in a educational school reel. i kept waiting for the ‘beep’ so someone would turn the frame.

  20. 20.

    Villago Delenda Est

    December 26, 2011 at 11:07 am

    The badness of the GOP field is tied to the awfulness of the platform and the emptiness of modern conservative thought

    Modern “conservative” thought is so bad that they aren’t reacting to the 60’s or the Enlightenment anymore…they’re reacting to the Renaissance.

  21. 21.

    jeffreyw

    December 26, 2011 at 11:10 am

    More like F Troop, only not as funny in some parts.

  22. 22.

    Benjamin Franklin

    December 26, 2011 at 11:10 am

    It’s getting so bad, that people might just have a sympathy vote, like someone from the Special Olympics performing badly at American Idol, and running away with the audience and the judges.

    I think we should fluff them a little more, just to tamp that possibility down.

  23. 23.

    johnsmith1882

    December 26, 2011 at 11:11 am

    @dmsilev: the sheer volume of lies we are about to experience will have enough gravitational pull to warp space and time. it’s a good thing politifact is out there to debunk them!

  24. 24.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 11:12 am

    @SiubhanDuinne: Me too. The guy has a way with kids.

  25. 25.

    John Cole

    December 26, 2011 at 11:14 am

    @Southern Beale: It means that you don’t get great actors to do shitty material, just like you are not going to get great leaders pushing shitty ideas. It’s a good analogy.

  26. 26.

    Davis X. Machina

    December 26, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Any white guy who wears suits, and makes president-noises, who has an R after his name, is still going to get at least 50 million popular votes regardless of who he is. Brand loyalty is as American as McDonald’s™.

    These people aren’t beat themselves, not in a country built on brand names.

  27. 27.

    Brachiator

    December 26, 2011 at 11:22 am

    @Barry:

    Is Pyuish an American citizen?

    Anchor baby. His parents were Indian citizens who both had green cards.

    But it is sadly comical that conservatives embrace Jindall, but would reject others in a similar circumstance.

  28. 28.

    Waldo

    December 26, 2011 at 11:26 am

    The clown car has four flat tires and there’s nothing in the garage but worn out retreads. Might as well give Fred Thompson another shot.

  29. 29.

    cathyx

    December 26, 2011 at 11:29 am

    @Waldo: Fred Thompson is the flat spare tire in the trunk.

  30. 30.

    Villago Delenda Est

    December 26, 2011 at 11:30 am

    @Brachiator:

    They embrace Michelle Malkin, who it appears is an anchor baby as well.

  31. 31.

    Linda Featheringill

    December 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

    @amk:

    Thank you. Lovely, sweet, full of life itself.

    BTW I love the way Michelle wears soft clothes in informal encounters with people. Nice.

  32. 32.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 11:37 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: Forget malkin, what price o’rly fucking taitz ?

    btw, how is her CA run for ‘senator’ coming along ?

  33. 33.

    schrodinger's catt

    December 26, 2011 at 11:38 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: So I think is Ramesh Ponnuru. So it is OK to have non citizens for parents as long as
    1. You change your religion
    2. Join the GOP

    Anything else I may be missing?

  34. 34.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 11:52 am

    @Linda Featheringill: My pleasure.

    And I love the way MO says fuck you to the ‘moral majority’ aka the closet porn watchers/subscribers, with her dresses.

  35. 35.

    Roy G

    December 26, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Simple. Just exhume Reagan’s corpse, claim God resurrected him, and run him for President, Weekend At Bernie’s style.

  36. 36.

    bcinaz

    December 26, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Well said John. If Zombie Darwin reappeared on earth today, I think he would be confused. On the one hand we have accomplished a lot in the past 150 years, on the other hand, Newt Gingrich is running for President and we still use the internal combustion engine for transportation.

  37. 37.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    December 26, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Memo to Republicans:

    What makes you think this isn’t the other place?

    There is no “A team”. There is only the B Ark, and you’re all Bozos on this ship of fools.

  38. 38.

    Cat Lady

    December 26, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    @amk:

    Babies love Obama. Note the last two pictures. More Republican FAIL.

  39. 39.

    Montysano

    December 26, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    @amk: Incredibly sweet. Thanks for posting it.

    Disagreeing with the guy? I get that. Hating him and his lovely family? That I don’t get. Well… sadly, I do.

  40. 40.

    Villago Delenda Est

    December 26, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    @amk:

    Yeah, but Orly Taitz is an immigrant, not someone who was born here of immigrant parents, which is the definition of “anchor baby”…the child born on US soil is a citizen at birth, and therefore “anchors” the immigrant parents to the US.

  41. 41.

    suzanne

    December 26, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Looking for Darth Vader, got Dark Helmet.

    LMMFAO. I am too old to still find that movie as hilarious as I do.

    @Brachiator:

    But it is sadly comical that conservatives embrace Jindall, but would reject others in a similar circumstance.

    Well, that’s the shitty thing about ethics and integrity: feeling bound by conscience to obey them, even if it means you might lose.

  42. 42.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Gotta love the goppers’ pretzel logic. A ferrin born nutjob for senator for life (theoretically at least) ? Yes. But an authentic hawaiian as prezinent? Hell no.

    fucking lunatic insane racist mofos.

  43. 43.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    @Cat Lady: @Montysano: He must rank at the top for the pols that gets the kids and vice versa. Frankly, I haven’t seen a single foto/vid with a kid crying with this guy. Fuck, there is even a vid where a cranky kid stopped crying the moment he was handed over to him for a photo shoot.

  44. 44.

    Southern Beale

    December 26, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    @John Cole:

    It means that you don’t get great actors to do shitty material, just like you are not going to get great leaders pushing shitty ideas. It’s a good analogy.

    OH I totally did not get that. I was stuck on the Robert-Duvall-is-a-Republican-thing ….

  45. 45.

    Montysano

    December 26, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    @amk:

    Frankly, I haven’t seen a single foto/vid with a kid crying with this guy.

    The ones that really get me are the ones of African-American kids looking at him with a mixture of joy and wonder. Makes me misty every time.

    I was visiting with an old friend the other day, and he assured me that our national nervous breakdown over Obama’s presidency has not gone unnoticed in the black community.

  46. 46.

    Frankensteinbeck

    December 26, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    @suzanne:
    Oh Celestia, I may never stop laughing…

  47. 47.

    Brachiator

    December 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    They embrace Michelle Malkin, who it appears is an anchor baby as well.

    Yep, another good example of the nuttiness and inconsistency of modern conservatives.

  48. 48.

    kindness

    December 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Post like this are both why I like reading BJ and are why John isn’t considered ‘serious’ by the media’s village elders. It’s OK. I’d hate to have to act like I liked the media whores.

  49. 49.

    Mark S.

    December 26, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Rich “Starbursts” Lowery is complaining about the lack of intelligent conservative leaders? Maybe you should look in the mirror, Rich.

  50. 50.

    nevsky42

    December 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    But MacGruber was awesome. Let’s leave MacGruber out of this, ok?

  51. 51.

    Donut

    December 26, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    @demkat620:

    Been saying this for awhile now, cuz it just seems obvious and inevitable: the GOP as a whole (though not necessarily the presidential candidate) is going to lose its collective shit in 2012. We are going to see language and framing that makes that last three years look tame. They got nothing else, even if the economy is bad, other than, “we aren’t the black guy and see, he isn’t a real American.” They will riff on that endlessly. Gonna be something “special”.

  52. 52.

    Boots Day

    December 26, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Once upon a time, Rick Perry was seen as the GOP A-lister who was sadly sitting out the presidential run. Then he jumped in and was revealed as the know-nothing hack he’s always been.

    I don’t see who this A-team is supposed to be. There are no distinguished elder statesmen or stateswomen in the Republican Party, and no bright and shining young lights, except for maybe Marco Rubio.

  53. 53.

    Southern Beale

    December 26, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    And speaking of the KKKlown KKKar ….

    Newly recovered court files cast doubt on Gingrich version of first divorce
    __
    Carrollton, Georgia (CNN) — Newt Gingrich claims that it was his first wife, not Gingrich himself, who wanted their divorce in 1980, but court documents obtained by CNN appear to show otherwise.
    __
    The Republican presidential candidate, now in his third marriage, has been peppered with attacks and questions about his divorce from Jackie Gingrich for the past three decades.
    __
    Questions about his past — and what that past tells voters about his personal behavior — have re-emerged as he has returned to the political scene 13 years after he resigned as speaker of the House.
    __
    A new defense that has arisen as Gingrich entered the presidential race this year is the insistence that she, not he, wanted the divorce.

  54. 54.

    Rome Again

    December 26, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    @amk:

    She lost. She also recently lost Barnett v Obama. She has taken now to begging the state of Arizona to secede from the union while promising that she will appeal Barnett. LOL Hopeless loser.

  55. 55.

    Yutsano

    December 26, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    @Boots Day:

    and no bright and shining young lights, except for maybe Marco Rubio

    Hold onto that maybe. Marco has zero appeal in a national context beyond Miami old school Cubans. And that demographic is rapidly dwindling.

    @Rome Again: Piyush is different because SHUT UP THAT’S WHY!! At least Obama had one American parent.

  56. 56.

    Rome Again

    December 26, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    I see we have two Jindal threads and I posted this on the first one. I’ll copy it here or it will be forever lost:

    From Wikipedia’s Jindal page: “Jindal was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to Amar and Raj Jindal, who came to the United States as immigrants from Punjab, India, six months before he was born.[2]” – were either of his parents American citizens when he was born? I get the feeling the birthers will suddenly go silent. Hell, he wasn’t even CONCEIVED in America.

    If life begins at conception, Jindal is not a natural born citizen. :P Heh, hehe!

  57. 57.

    Bubblegum Tate

    December 26, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    @Barry:

    Is Pyuish an American citizen? His birth certificate looks pretty phony.

    Lurking on wingnut blogs, I’ve seen birthers get quite divided over this issue (they clash over Marco Rubio, too). Some of them say it’s ridiculous to question Jindal’s/Rubio’s Americanosity (also, remember the 11th Commandment!), while the more hardcore nativists want to see everybody’s papers, dammit.

    The most entertaining, though, are the ones who insist that their own birtherism is merely “a Constitutional concern” about who is and isn’t eligible for public office, and they think Jindal/Rubio should be test court cases that would set a legal precedent for birtherism but that would leave Jindal/Rubio unscathed, as they clearly have the proper papers and there is no questioning their Americanosity.

    I find that position the most hilarious because they seriously think that using the word “Constitution” as a verbal tic gives them unassailable seriousness, when really, they just sound like Damon Wayans’ In Living Color character who liked to misuse and abuse fancy-sounding words in a misguided attempt to sound smart.

  58. 58.

    amk

    December 26, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    @Rome Again: LOL. Excellent news. Thanks.

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