[I think there’s a clause in my Balloon Juice contract about pet photos. This one depicts my dog Patsy, who harbors ambitions to become a biped. She loves to belly up to our backyard tiki bar.
You can see the whites of her eyes because she’s scanning the surface of the bar for pretzels without turning her head far enough to lose her balance. Sadly, there were no pretzels. We now return to our regularly scheduled post, already in progress.]
I have a 13-year-old daughter, which is why I don’t scare easily. She can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but she’s a good person in all the important ways. I’m proud of her and also relieved that I’ve thus far avoided the massive karmic blowback my own mother is gleefully awaiting in compensation for the gigantic pain in the ass I gave her. (Knock wood — and yes, I know, I know: Give her time!)
Anyhoo, as many teens do, Young Miss Cracker seeks to assert her originality by emulating the fashion sense and hairstyles of celebrities. This month, it appears to be Rooney Mara in the title role of the film Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Of course, Young Miss has never actually seen that film, and I draw the line at allowing her to get real tattoos or piercings or to wear clothing emblazoned with the word “fuck.”
To compensate for these restrictions, she dyes portions of her spiky hairdo vivid colors, achieving a sort of peacock effect. I think it’s kind of cute, and it certainly stands out in our little town, garnering amazed commentary from grocery cashiers to farmers’ market attendants to parents at the little league softball field, which is kind of the point, I guess.
This latter group (little league mombies) has long eyed us warily, ever since asking me years ago what church we attend and receiving a “we’re not religious” in reply. They’re thus unsurprised that I allow my daughter to eschew Bumpits and ponytails in favor of a vaguely Satanic hairdo and god only knows what else. I can sense the clucking and pitying glances thrown my way as I sit stoically in the bleachers during practice, reading a book or scrolling through godless blog comments on my iPhone.
Earlier this week, my daughter and I took it into our heads to teach ourselves to juggle. We found numerous video tutorials on YouTube and selected one that seemed likely. All we lacked were appropriate objects to juggle. After softball practice, we stopped by the discount general store to see if we could find tennis balls. They didn’t have any, but they did have cat toys that would do the trick. We selected three nearly tennis ball-sized ones and three smaller ones.
The lady at the check-out asked us how many cats we have, and we told her we had none and intended instead to use the balls to teach ourselves to juggle. The conversation then took a strange turn: She asked us what we had against pets. We assured her that we adore pets and in fact have two dogs. Then she asked us what we had against cats specifically. I told her I think cats are perfectly lovely, but my husband doesn’t really like them, and that we are basically dog people.
She then launched into a passionate defense of cats, which she needn’t have since I had already told her I have nothing at all against the critters. She implied that people who dislike cats are heartless monsters, which was kind of rude since I’d just told her my husband doesn’t care for them. But I let it pass, grabbed our cat toys and receipt got the hell out of there.
We got home and commenced the juggling lesson. It’s harder than it looks. Our YouTube instructor recommended throwing a single ball in an eye-level arc from hand to hand until it can easily be done with one’s eyes closed before moving on to the next step.
My daughter lacked the patience to perfect each step before moving on to the next, so after just a few minutes of arcing a single ball, she was attempting to introduce a second and then a third, and soon she was chasing them all over the room and trying to extract them from the slobbery mouths of our dogs, who couldn’t understand why we were hogging what were clearly PET toys to ourselves.
Mr. Cracker had been out all morning, and he arrived home to this scene of chaos. When we explained that we were trying to learn to juggle, he picked up three balls and commenced juggling like a goddamned trained circus clown! Not just basic juggling either -– he could do fancy moves too like passing one ball from hand to hand while lobbing and catching the other two straight up and down in perfect synchronicity.
Now, my daughter and I have known this man for 13 and 17 years respectively, and not once has he ever dropped a single hint that he possessed this talent. While it’s true that juggling may not have ever come up specifically, wouldn’t a person who knew how to juggle so well have demonstrated that talent at some point during the course of nearly two fucking decades? Maybe while sorting socks or something?
Our daughter declared that she hated him and stormed off to her room, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the windows. She’ll probably never attempt to juggle again. As for me, I’m left to wonder what else the juggling,* heartless, cat-hating bastard is hiding from us…
[X-POSTED at Rumproast]*H/T: DanielX
Emma
I got nothing to say or do except giggle. Sneaky man, Mr. Cracker…
And I applaud your sense when dealing with your daughter. Many years ago, when my best friend was dealing with her daughter’s desire for blue-streaked hair, the child’s father was pitching a fit. My friend said very patiently “we have bigger issues to deal with.” So daughter had blue hair for a few months and then went back to normal.
Edited because I can! Whooooooo!
c u n d gulag
Maybe he a juggling, cat serial killer?
Kristine
::laughing::
KrisWV
Your husband probably figured juggling is a part of his nerd past, and perhaps not the sort of thing he should share with a woman, lest you react the way all the girls in high school did upon discovery of the skill — a quick exit! You might want to ask whether his juggling is a marker for a long abandoned ambition to become a clown. Because it often is!
You should have told the lady you were allergic to cats. Or just told her to STFU. Anyway your doggie is awesome and thanks for the nice Sunday morning greeting.
geg6
Heh. Hilarious.
And I already love your daughter. She sounds just like me at that age.
keestadoll
I love starting a Sunday laughing my ass off.
ErinSiobhan
Now there’s a man I would trust to keep a secret.
RSA
Beanbags are also good for learning how to juggle; and lacrosse balls, though they can be a bit heavy for some people.
jeffreyw
Not my place to speculate, but you did ask. I suspect he is juggling another entire family. The fact that he has gotten away without you or the other family knowing is a testament to his juggling prowess. I really only wonder why he let it slip that he could. It may be the frayed end that when pulled on unravels his infamous scheme. My sympathies.
RL
Is this film footage of your husband?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qbc2J0zZr8&feature=youtube_gdata_player
JPL
When my sons were in high school they wanted to pierce their ears. I got out a hammer and a nail and they changed their mind. It never came up again.
Schlemizel
When I taught myself to juggle I found the best thing to use were hackey sacks – knit ones. They are soft so the don’t hurt when they hit you & don’t roll so you are not spending time trying to fish them out from under the sofa.
I like strong women, we tried very hard to make sure our daughter was strong, self-confident and capable. We mostly succeeded but the down side is she could be a real PItA as a teen. Good luck – you are going to need it 8-{D
becca
I am resurrecting LOL in honor of this post.
WereBear (itouch)
Well, when did it come up?
And I apologize for defensive cat lovers; it is a pet peeve if mine that a cat choice is denigrated by the world at large… But I never harass anyone over it.
MattF
FYI, Claude Shannon, the Father of Information Theory, is also the Father of the Juggling Theorem:
http://www.juggling.org/papers/science-1/
Also, there is a juggling screensaver– if you have an OS X or Linux computer you can find it in the famous-among-nerds collection of screensavers at jwz.org.
Lymie
If you practice juggling while facing close to a bed, there will be less bending and running around after the objects…
MaxB
OK, I enjoyed that post lots.
Good juggling starting props: silk scarves. They’re nice and floaty. Like juggling in the Matrix.
WereBear (itouch)
@MaxB: Excellent juggling tip. Once you get the moves right, speeding them up becomes a separate skill.
Also, does your husband understand why she stomped off? Because it will be far from the last time.
RedKitten
This post made me giggle. Good for Mr. Cracker — there’s nothing wrong with keeping a few cards close to your vest during the life of a marriage, bringing them out every so often to (pleasantly) surprise your spouse and make them look at you in a new light. Keeps things fresh.
And I applaud your wisdom with regards to your daughter. The Stonecutter and I have decided to take the same approach with SamKitten. Piercings? He can get small, easily closed ones when he’s 16, but no gauging. Tattoos? Not until he’s 19, and we’re REALLY going to encourage him to wait until he’s at least 25 and a bit less prone to impulsiveness. But hair? Hair grows back. If he comes to me at age 4 and wants a green mohawk, then by cracky, a green mohawk he shall have, and woe be to the nosy parker who says anything to me about it.
Elizabelle
@c u n d gulag:
Funny.
DanielX
You’ll probably find out he’s contributed all your retirement money to the National Rifle Association and thinks that Rick Santorum just might have a point or two.
Cermet
Many cats carry a parasitic organism (very dangerous for pregnant woman) that could (note the ‘could’) be dangerous to some people’s mental health (it gets into the brain in many people and has been suspected of causing some types of mental illnesses.)
While no one has proved this directly – by the way, nor could they due to immortal aspects of such a study – I would be careful with cat litter since this is the primary source of where the parasite hides. So be very careful handling it and never let children handle it or play with it (the bad news is most people with cats who are tested express the anti-body for the disease indicating they have had or still have the organism in their brains.)
That said, dogs cause a lot of bite injuries to children so I am not saying one pet is safer/better.
As a pet person (with children) I love both cats and dogs but I am careful to know the issues and dangers.
DanielX
Suggestion:
MariedeGournay
@Cermet: Huh, so that’s why I’m crazy.
Anyway, great story. Love your daughter, especially for getting the hens to cluck in disapproval.
Lee
I have 12 & 15 year old daughters.
In 6th grade seemingly overnight she went from the standard T-shirt and blue jeans attire to wanting to look like…well…a girl.
The door slamming thing really irritated me, so I put a stop to it. When she slammed her bedroom door after being repeatedly told not to slam it, I removed the door. Hasn’t been slammed since (2+ years).
DanielX
I was subjected to the “I hate you!” routine when the daughter entity was 14. I can’t even remember what provoked it, but the initial outburst – THIS I remember – was “You guys just hate me and want me to suffer!”. I have to say without undue modesty that I rose to the occasion. My response (after a deep sigh) was “Yep – you got it, you’ve finally figured us out. I’ve been wondering what was taking you so long.” This provoked “I really hate you!” and (of course) a slammed bedroom door, plus a scolding and then giggles turning to hysterical laughter from Mrs. X. It was all worth it…
Jerzy Russian
Just keep practicing with the juggling, and suddenly it will click.
Google “Anthony Gatto” to see some amazing juggling. Seven flaming torches, 5 balls while bouncing a soccer ball on his head, eight balls, and so on.
cmorenc
@Betty Cracker:
Has she seen “Pulp Fiction” yet? In particular, the scene where Samuel Jackson pulls out the wallet embossed with “Bad Motherfucker”? I always kinda wanted one of those, but didn’t want to run into situations where I might have to back it up.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
cat juggling, its cruel, its inhumane, we should stop it, but its the only explanation that makes sense.
Violet
Excellent story. I love your daughter. Good for her for doing what she wants with her hair and good for you for allowing her.
Elizabelle
@RedKitten:
and @bettycracker:
You’re wise to pick your battles, and let the kids experiment while they’re younger.
PS: Patsy Boxer Cracker is cute.
may
I’m pretty sure that our twelve year old daughter would have bluntly told the woman in the pet store that our three dogs, two huskies and a rescue, would kill any cats that lived in our house. While I’m not sure that is completely true, I still expect that would have been her reaction. (And we do like cats.)
RalfW
I’m sure the Harper Valley PTA is just about to draw up the papers to hve you run out of town on a rail, you cat-hating, daughter-ruining iPhone blogger, you!
merrinc
@DanielX:
Similar incident with my now 13 year old daughter when she was much younger and constantly accusing us of liking her older brother more than her. Mid whine one day, she demanded to know why he was allowed to do something and she wasn’t. Her dad’s response: because we like him better than you. She never used that annoying phrase again.
DanielX
@merrinc:
When you get handed an intro line like that, sometimes the temptation is just too great to resist, never mind the potential psychological damage.
Friday Jones
@cmorenc: I just have my day planner monogrammed with BMF. And no, the irony is not lost on me.
gravie
When my daughter was 14, she asked if she could get a tattoo. I said, “Sure — as soon as you’re old enough to drive yourself there, pay for it and sign your own paperwork.” She’s 26 now and finally got that tat she wanted and more power to her.
PanurgeATL
@RedKitten:
One of the things I most resent about punk is that, at the very time when it would most serve the Ruling Oligarchy, punk actually made it hip to get your hair cut. Thing is, even nearly a decade after that, my parents were simply not letting me grow my hair, a set of affairs to which punk appeared to be totally blind. Eventually I “won”, but only by, well, moving out, by which time much unneeded damage had been done, not all of it reparable. I still have long hair, but it’ll always be with me that I didn’t stand up for it when I really wanted it. (And of course now military crewcuts and buzzcuts are more popular than ever, something that quite simply wouldn’t have happened without punk, skinheads, and hardcore, along with “new wave” neo-retro. Forward into the past, in the name of rock’n’roll!) :-/
nancydarling
@RedKitten: Get him hooked on becoming a regular blood donor when he turns 18 to forestall the tattoos. Worked for me, although preventing tattoos was not my original intention.
Judas Escargot
We went through that with my stepdaughter when she was 13-15. Different color hair every 3 weeks or so.
Now she’s 16… and Japanese-style cosplay seems to have hit the American mainstream (at least around here). A group of them go to school dressed like their favorite Homestuck characters, and nobody seems to notice or care. We drove her to her first convention (ARISIA) a couple of weeks ago.
We’re in Salem, though, an urban area where eccentricity is somewhat tolerated. Not sure how well it would play out in RealMerka.
Gretchen
13 year olds wear bumpits? Like Sarah Palin? Where is this?
Gretchen
I’d much rather have a kid with spiky blue hair than one who would voluntarily wear a bumpit! You’re doingsomething right!
becca
@gravie:
I took my daughter to a local tattoo parlor on her eighteenth birthday. I paid for a small, tasteful, floral something-or-other on her shoulder.
I naively thought that would be the end of it.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
Thank you for a hearty laugh on a midday Sunday. Secrets, Mr. Cracker haz em! Mr. Q is teaching himself to juggle with lacrosse balls and beanbag balls. It frighten the younger dog when he drops the lacrosse balls, as they are loud.
@Gretchen: That’s the most frightening part of the story.
gogol's wife
Fabulous post from beginning (headline) to end. Patsy is divine and your daughter sounds great.
Hungry Joe
@Lymie:
Yes, that’s how I learned. It helps, too, if the other side of the bed/couch is against a wall. My other tip — and I’ve taught a lot of people how to do simple three-ball juggling — is to practice for no more than 10 minutes, and to put in three or four sessions a day. By the second day you’ll have the basics; by the third day you’ll have it nailed.
Geeno
@may: I actually owned a dog like that. The neighbors’ cat Miko used come over and torment Sam when she was a puppy. Sam hated cats with a burning passion for the rest of her life. Someone brought their new kitten over, and it took two grown men to restrain Sam from killing it. She was the most gentle loving thing otherwise. It was just cats that made her crazy.
Garm
@MaxB: Another vote for silk scarves. It’s how I was taught to juggle. IIRC we progressed from scarves to two balls in one hand.
hitchhiker
Daughters now 21 and 23; my line with them was always: Save it for your therapist, honey. Some day you’re going to want to remember the details so you can process them really thoroughly. I’m keeping a journal in case you ever need to prove that this shit really happened.
Love ’em to pieces. The younger is currently in Malawi, working with refugees & her sister is the volunteer queen @ the local humane society.
As far as juggling, sometimes I start my day with this amazing video of Chris Bliss doing the impossible to the Beatles.
Also too, yer husband can juggle, but you can WRITE. So happy you’re here!
aimai
Jeezus, I’m an outlier. I’ve got a thirteen year old and a fifteen year old, both girls. Neither has *ever* slammed a door in a fury with me or at fate. Both admire the GWTDT images they’ve seen–my younger daughter is a huge “Tinker” fan from the Wen Spencer novels–and both are double DD cups and seem rather to prefer to dress down than up. No one has asked to dye their hair anything though I wouldn’t object. Nor to get anything pierced though, again, I wouldn’t object. Luckily they don’t seem to want tatts because those I would object to on the grounds of permanency. I guess being a pushover, limp, liberal has its benefits.
aimai
Omnes Omnibus
Okay, I laughed. A lot. I hope that was the point. I mean I wouldn’t want to be rude and laugh at something serious. God, was it a serious confessional piece? Now I feel embarrassed. Sorry.
Hungry Joe
I hate, I mean, hate self-help/advice books … but here I go recommending one: “Get Out of My Life … But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall,” by Anthony E. Wolf. Lots of common sense and, best of all, reassurance, e.g., raising a teen is hard enough — don’t make it harder by telling yourself that you’re screwing it up; and, they all do crap like that, and just about all of them turn out fine, so chill. More stuff on girls (we’ve got one of those) than boys, though.
Jill
Ditto. Thanks, this was great!
karen
I love everything about this post, and the comments.
I have a daughter with whom i have had the same kinds of experiences as all the forgoing, and I have felt like she and her friends were all pretty great. Your post and all the comments make me feel like there are a lot of great young people out there.
I keep trying to learn to juggle. I’m excellent at the drop. My theory is that there is a mindset to it. Watch a juggler: they get this goofy happy look on their faces. I don’t know if you need that to do it, or if it happens when you juggle, but either way I seem to be too serious to feel like that.
suzanne
My eight-year-old is beginning to show signs of attitude. I worked late the other night,NAND she wouldn’t greet me when I came home.
Fortunately, it was because she had her nose in a book. So I understand. But she still has to be nice to me when I get home.
I just don’t want her to work at a fuckin’ gas station. Fortunately, she already thinks Bumpits are ridiculous. I am doing Something Right.
Lurking Canadian
I kept my juggling ability “secret” from my wife only until our son was fourteen months old and, desperate to find something that would amuse him for more than ten seconds, I started to juggle in front of him.
I am totally unable, though, to teach it to anybody else, because I have no idea how I learned. I knew the theory for about ten years, but failed every time I tried, until one time…it just worked. At that point, it’s like rising a bicycle, I guess.
Jager
@Lee: During a visit home when I was in my 20’s, my baby sis, 16 at the time, came home in a teenage snit, slammed the shit out of the front door and stormed off to her room. The old man placed one of the dining room chairs by the front door, made my sister sit down and open and close the door gently 150 times. Years later I asked her if she ever slammed the door again, her reply, “Not when Dad was home”. The old man wasn’t quite as creative when I came home drunk at 16, but that’s a story for another time.
LongHairedWeirdo
Juggling is a very good exercise for people who are intelligent. Why? Because knowing how it works doesn’t make it happen any faster. You still need to train the skill into your muscles before you’re any good at it.
It helped me with an aspect of “smart person syndrome” where I expected be able to learn anything quickly and do it right from the getgo. It’s awkward and frustrating, because you’re trying “real hard and get real frustrated and take your time and it just doesn’t work out the way you want it to.” (paraphrased song lyric – if you know the song, you know how juggling feels when you’re starting :-).)
Knitting is the same way, but the learning process is much longer, because it takes you longer to realize that you’ve messed up.
That said, juggling three regular objects can happen in the space of an afternoon. You need to be willing to spend the afternoon, though. And you shouldn’t try it if you’re feeling emotionally brittle. (That’s the generic “you” – not accusing anyone of brittleness. But everyone has their brittle times.)
Arclite
Great story. Luckily for us we live in Hawaii, where no one asks you which church you go to, only which beach. It’s noone’s Goddamn business.
I am dreading the day my daughter, now nine, turns “lucky” 13. She’s the tallest girl in her class, and the Dr. says her growth chart show’s she’ll be 5’10 or so. She’s also thin and athletic. On swim team, she regularly takes first in backstroke and often in breast stroke, even at 10 team meets. I took her to the rock climbing gym and on her first try she scaled the 30 vertical feet in 30 seconds and rang the bell. Even now, she turns guys heads just for a fraction of a second before it registers in their higher brain that she’s only nine.
Her personality is sweet and geeky: she keeps reading Harry Potter and LOTR over and over and loves to play Supreme Commander 2 on PC. She has a touch of ADD and getting her to do her HW is a daily PITA. And she adores her little 4 year old brother, and plays with him and takes care of him every day with a minimum of fighting. She doesn’t really seem to be the pink hair type, but you never know, although I wouldn’t really care what she did.
I’m much more worried about the boys that will be attracted to her long willowy form and that she prefers playing with boys over girls most of the time. If I were religious, I’d consider the convent, instead I am thinking of whether it’s more practical to move to Montana, or just build a tower to lock her up in. Because if she’s anything like me, she’ll be getting boyfriends early and often.
Yutsano
@suzanne:
I wonder where she got that from? :)
moderateindy
Cats Vs. Dogs
I don’t mind cats, although if they were bigger I’m pretty sure they’d kill you in your sleep.
But I have proof that dogs are better. How many times have you heard somebody, when defending their cat say the following: My cat acts just like a dog, or my cat thinks he’s a dog etc? I hear such sentiments fairly often. Conversely, how often do you hear a dog owner say, my dog is just like a cat. Pretty much never. No self-respecting dog would ever want to be compared to a cat. Advantage Dogs
Also, on its best day, your cat is going to take a crap in your house.
Dick Dastardly
More boxer dog photos please. One every post would be nice.
hillwomp
maybe he’s a former cat juggler with repressed traumatic memories.
cckids
@Arclite:
Holy crap, your daughter sounds like mine. She’s now 17, but was 5’3″ in 3rd grade, and grew a bust before she was 12. Tall, blonde, & built. Oy. I swear, for a few years, finding decent clothing for her was a major life mission. It helped that she was also more athletic & not at all interested in looking sexy. Her 2-year-older brother got his kicks for a few years when we’d be at the pool, at the local hotels (we’re in Vegas), when college guys would start conversations with her, sidling up to them & saying “Dude, she’s 12“. Watching their faces turn white & seeing them all but run away was always entertaining. Good luck to you!!
Arclite
@cckids: Heh, thanks CCKids.
>_<
suzanne
@cckids: Mine isn’t tall, and she’s too young to get boobs, but she has always gotten all the attention from the boys in her grade. And I mean ALWAYS. I remember dropping her off at preschool once, and we walked other door, and she was immediately greeted by four little boys, saying “Your hair looks pretty today! Want to play with me? Look at this! Wll you be my friend?”. Her teacher warned me then to get a shotgun. Now she’s in an all-gifted class, and I know it’s a stereotype, but they’re all geeky and weird-looking, except for mine, who has long blonde hair and blue eyes and is skinny and loves nail polish.
I was such an ugly weirdo for so long that I really have no idea how to relate. We’re all just trying to nerd her up as much as possible: comic books, sci-fi, being a liberal.
Ronzoni Rigatoni
I’ve raised dawgs & kitties together for years (along with three 13 year old girls! Gaah!), and found that they not only got along, they actually played together and huddled together during thunderstorms. And cats do have a protective instinct. My cuzzin’s Jack Russell and I were playing with a tennis ball while the cat (Udamm) lazed atop the pool table. Teddy (the dog) began the inevitable growling when I tried to take the ball back, which perked up Ol’ Udamm Cat’s ears. Suddenly, Udamm jumped from the pool table, the hair along his backbone straight up (I never saw this before) and was onto Teddy’s back biting and clawing. Teddy jumped onto my cousin’s lap and peed. Ol’ Udamm then climbed back onto the pool table, and I almost could swear I heard a “Hmmph!” This never happened when I was similarly playing with our Mini Dachsund [sp?] Willie (Udamm’s pal).
opie jeanne
@cckids: At 38 I decided I needed a little red convertible, so I sold the station wagon and bought an 18 month old ’86 Mustang for half what it had cost new. It had 11,000 miles on it and I loved that car.
What I didn’t love was when my older daughter was 13, suddenly tall, blonde, and pretty, and middle-aged guys, guys who were my age or older, would ogle her at a stoplight. I wanted a sign I could hold up that read “She’s only 13!”
I’m a pretty good glarer, though, so I went with that. Seemed to work.
opie jeanne
Betty Cracker, your daughter sounds like my youngest, and that’s a very good thing.
We really enjoyed our kids when they were teens; they and their friends were becoming interesting people.
The youngest wanted to dye her hair blue the summer she was 13 and she shopped for the dye, but after reading all the instructions on the various bottles decided to just use food coloring. We ran out when she was half-finished so she switched to green. When she was finished she was a tiny* green-haired imp who walked into the very serious ballet class on the last day of the summer program and shocked her teachers. They didn’t know whether to scold her or laugh.
*Still tiny; at 29 she’s only 4’10”.
stevestory
I live prob not too far from you, in Lake City. Had a northerner friend the other day say to me, “These people are weird man. In New York you never ask somebody what their religion is. Here it’s the first thing people ask me, ‘What church do you go to?’. It’s weird man.”
Friday Jones
By the way, my answer to the church question is, “I home church.” No one ever knows what to say and I can escape before they can sputter a response.
rb
@Friday Jones: I love it! That is pitch-perfect.
Larv
@LongHairedWeirdo:
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn’t give it to me! Just a Pepsi!
gwangung
@suzanne: My comedy group blesses you. They’re always on the lookout for more females to continue their dominance of the men.
Gretchen
@Friday Jones:
Love this answer!