Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

People are complicated. Love is not.

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Israel is using food as a weapon of war. Unforgivable.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

Please don’t feed the bears.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

We still have time to mess this up!

Dead end MAGA boomers crying about Talyor Swift being a Dem is my kind of music. Turn it up.

Republicans firmly believe having an abortion is a very personal, very private decision between a woman and J.D. Vance.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Quote tweet friends, screenshot enemies.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” is supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

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26Comments

  2. 2.

    gene108

    Heidi Klum and Seal are separated after 8 years of marriage and three kids.

    I’m bummed about it. I somehow thought that’d be the one celeb marriage to last.

    Also, too I wonder if Heidi’s looking for a new man, ’cause I’m available and I took German in high school.

  3. 3.

    c u n d gulag

    John,
    Have you tried melatonin?

    I’m sure I’m not the first asshole to mention it.

    But it works for me.

    If I’m having trouble sleeping – as I am now, with my father being gravely ill, I buy 3mg melatonin.

    I take one about 2 hours before I know I’m going to sleep. Another one an hour before – and the final one as I’m about to go to sleep.

    Good luck, because I know how tough insomnia can be. I’ve suffered from it for years. And melatonin helps me.

  5. 5.

    Xantar

    Hedberg performed at Swarthmore when I was there. He really wasn’t into it and we were a tough crowd. I always felt bad about that. His kind of rapid fire one-liners just weren’t our thing.

    Then he died soon after.

  6. 6.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @c u n d gulag:

    Same here John. I have been dealing with insomnia for years, 4-5 hrs of sleep per night was the best I could do. A month ago, it dropped to 2 maybe 3. I went to the doc last week and she said try Melatonin, 3-6 milligrams per night (190 lbs). At 3, I am now sleeping 6/7 hrs a night. Also, if you are on other meds, check with your Doc, I am on Warfarin and it would have counteracted the melatonin if I took them at the same time.

  7. 7.

    jayboat

    Overserving myself always helps me get to sleep. 8-]

    Hedberg had some classic one-liners. The one about getting a receipt for a donut is my all-time fav.

    “Let’s not bring paper and ink into this.” (or something like that.)

    RIP Mitch.

  8. 8.

    andy

    I just now dreamt of the chaos after a putsch, with the Wrong people running, the Right people marching, and the Good people looking the other way.

  9. 9.

    CarolDuhart2

    I don’t know if anyone has suggested this, but a tried and true is actually 1 Benadyrl. Guaranteed sleep. You can also google “Free White Noise”. I downloaded a White Noise mp3-haven’t listened to it yet. Give them a try-they work.

  11. 11.

    cathyx

    I haven’t read the other insomnia post comments, so if I’m repeating someone, I’m sorry. But some foods can trigger insomnia so it may be worth looking into what you are eating when you go through these periods of insomnia. It can even be a food you ate or even something you drank earlier in the day.

  12. 12.

    CynDee

    Hi, John,

    I have been getting only 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night for the past six months. I couldn’t turn off and fall asleep. My patient and caring husband helped me realize that being a night owl most of my life was deveastating my body. I stayed up really late studying in high school and college. Then as a young working wife and mother getting up at 5 a.m. ever day and getting home and starting to cook at 6 pm then doing household chores, I stayed up as late as ever.

    Then in the following years when I had a teeny bit less to do, I stayed up late so I could have a little time to myself to read a book or write a letter or think about changing the furniture around and dream of what colors I like to paint the rooms if I could ever afford it.

    Then when I had to earn more and got a high-tech job in my 40s, I always felt I did my best work at night — but was no good in the morning until at least 9:30 or 10 a.m. (no wonder — it was now ingrained in me to be up late and tired in the morning). I still slept, but fewer and fewer hours.

    I didn’t realize it, but I was “getting by” because my adrenaline had taken over.

    Then at 67 years old (still working high tech and staying up to “finish”) I suddenly stopped being able to sleep, and was waking up after two hours with heart pounding and terribly high blood pressure. It would go down when I got out of bed, but then I wouldn’t sleep anymore. It got so bad I was hospitalized, but the real problem wasn’t identified for months.

    My husband put his foot down and generously told me that I MUST quit work or I would have a stroke and destroy our lives. (He had been saying that for years, but now that I could barely sleep, I finally GOT it.)

    Then a physician’s assistant told me that all that sitting and little movement and high stress worrying about how the bad economy is ruining us, plus having to deal with the ridiculously increasing complexity of all the technology I have to know in order to write a technical document — made my muscles and other tissues full of tension (energy, STRESS) that was not being released.

    A doc just looking at my cardiac health told me I had to work up to walking 45 minutes to an hour a day.

    I would probably would be disabled or dead by now if I hadn’t already been eating healthy — organic, grassfed meats and dairy, free-range poultry, humane-raised natural diet pork, no factory farm meats or fats from factory meat, few processed foods, no additives, no soy (it’s 99% GMO) especially nothing with soybean oil (highly inflammatory to the body).

    So I drastically reduced my time sitting at the computer, started walking both outside and on our treadmill, and have been doing stretches to get rid of tension in my neck and back. My husband also gives me a back rub nearly every night. I have to make sure not to take B vitamins late in the day — they can keep me awake. I learned to eat a substantial meal at least later 5 hours before going to bed; otherwise am awakened by reflux and then mucous forming to protect the throat (thus waking me up choking. See what a bad sequence it is?

    In the past month I have gradually gotten to where I can sleep up to 5 hours at a time, and go back to sleep if I wake up. If I have slept enough hours and don’t feel tired, I go ahead and have my normal two cups of morning coffee. If I barely sleep, I don’t have the coffee, so that I will be able to fall into a nap and help close up the sleep deficit.

    My husband talked me into NOT giving up my coffee altogether, because it’s my only creature comfort left, but came up with the reward idea. It’s my reward for achieving sleep the night before, so it’s a big motivator not to stay up late, stock-still and glued to the PC.

    Sleep deprivation is VERY dangerous to your health, and to the road safety of yourself and others. Plus, you have dependents counting on you and family who will be devastated in numerous ways if your health collapses.

    For me the rule has to be that the computer goes off at sunset most nights. Humans are still wired to be curled up safely at the back of the cave after dark, and that light from the PC screen shining directly in your eyes, plus the sitting, are deadly at an hour when you should be settling down to rest. Plus, you may notice when peering into the PC, you may be barely breathing. So, you’re oxygen-deprived, too, opening yourself up to high risk of cancer.

    When I go back to work, as I will probably have to (hate it at age 68), the rule will always be NO COMPUTER AFTER DARK. If someone had told me all this 20 years ago, I probably would have ignored it. Please take this seriously. With a few adjustments you can probably maintain much of the lifestyle you want. AND FEEL GOOD.

    The fact is, if your current ways are not making you feel good and are hard on your health, all you have to lose is the bad stuff by trying something like this. You MUST release trapped energy (STRESS) from your body, and you don’t need fancy medicines, just a bit of improvement in your daily/nightly habits.

    Also, please read the pleasant and helpful Self-Compassion, by Kristin Neff.

    Be kind to yourself, John. I hope that sometime you will want to post us a picture of yourself smiling, taken at a normal angle.

    Love ya, Guy.

  13. 13.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    i got nothing for sleep, i’ve never been a reliable sleeper. gone through insomnia when i have had: lots to do/nothing to do, caffeine/no caffeine, preoccupied/not occupied intoxicants/sober, none of those seem to be the underlying cause. pick a habit change it, and if it works credit that habit.

  15. 15.

    Southern Beale

    This is awesome:

    The bill, SB484, says pregnant women must be given an opportunity to view the ultrasound image prior to an abortion and requires abortion providers to keep a copy in the patient’s file.
    __
    Sen. Janet Howell, D-Fairfax County, was dismayed enough by the bill’s progress that she tried to amend it so men seeking prescriptions for erectile dysfunction medication such as Viagra would be required to undergo a rectal exam and cardiac stress test.

  19. 19.

    chopper

    in honor of mitch i’m going to eat some rice for lunch. cause i want to have a thousand of something.

  20. 20.

    redski

    sorry johncole, have you considered the good earth (weed)? foolproof sleep-bringerer. as good as a pint of gin without all the tears.

    “i would hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat–goddamnit anyway!”

  21. 21.

    hitchhiker

    Sorry to hear you’re sleepless, John. My remedy is a very dull podcast or audible book playing oh so quietly into my earbuds — something British and hushed that’s not very interesting. If I wake up after a few hours, I just start it up again and it puts me down like a dense baby.

  23. 23.

    Paul in KY

    @jayboat: I like the one where he’s jamming on the stereo & the neighbor bangs on the wall. Mitch yells at him something like ‘Hey man, I don’t know what you see over there, but on this side it’s a wall. You need to find a door.’

    Funny, funny man. Seemed to be stoned on most shows I’ve seen.

  25. 25.

    Silver

    @Paul in KY:

    There’s a few shows I’ve seen where he seems to be either coked up and he’s wired and rushing through the jokes and the delivery isn’t nearly as good.

    “You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”

    I miss Mitch.

  26. 26.

    different-church-lady

    1) Get a set of headphones. (They need to be full sized headphones with cups that cover your ears — not earbuds, not walkman style.)

    2) Lie on your back in bed

    3) Listen to anything you want

    4) Enjoy your sleep.

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