Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Not all heroes wear capes.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Good lord, these people are nuts.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Consistently wrong since 2002

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / A Peace Offering

Reader Interactions

171Comments

  3. 3.

    jeffreyw

    Why, I complained about the phone service here today and they didn’t come right out and fix it and everyone still says that everything has changed.

  9. 9.

    MacKenna

    Obviously Tunch is being starved while you build the new look. I can see he is skin and bones!

  11. 11.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    Ohio State beats Syracuse!!!! Thank You Jesus Thank You, Thank You!! Now the Tv execs at ESPN and CBS are on suicide watch. First Duke now the Cuse!

  12. 12.

    dmsilev

    What’s the over/under on how long it takes for John to put up a profanity-laced post screaming at all of us grateful commentators? Another such post, I mean.

    I’ll take 1 hour from now.

  14. 14.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    So, no fixing of programming issues until the programmers are done? You sound like my managers.

  15. 15.

    CaseyL

    OK, making jokes about Tunch’s size is a long-held tradition here at Balloon-Juice.

    But I could swear he used to be… well, less weighty.

    Has Tunch actually gained weight since being allowed to go outside and play?

    That’s a little… counterintuitive, innit?

  16. 16.

    Roger Moore

    In other words, your whining whinging comments are pointless exercises for now.

    No they aren’t. They’re obviously upsetting you, so they must be doing something worthwhile. Besides, they make us feel important. Don’t harsh our buzz, man.

  17. 17.

    Corner Stone

    are pointless exercises for now

    Speaking of exercise…looks like somebody could use some.

  22. 22.

    dmsilev

    So, looking at the LA primary results, I saw CNN’s breakdown of the delegates:

    46 total delegates: Possibly 20 tied to March 24 primary; 5 additional statewide delegates are chosen by the state convention and are uncommitted; 18 district delegates are uncommitted but CNN may estimate according to district-by-district vote results; 3 unpledged RNC members.

    Wait, “Possibly” 20 are tied to the primary? *Possibly*? You’d think that would be a known number, not a probability distribution or something. Man, even among themselves, Republicans suck.

  23. 23.

    Mark B.

    No next post, previous post linkage. Really, is this getting coded on the fly? Wouldn’t you usually deploy the software to a test site and work out the bugs before going o prod? You have tons of willing beta testers. As someone who’s done lots of website deploys, this isn’t one of the better coordinated ones I’ve ever seen.

  25. 25.

    Anne Laurie

    I think Cole is using this as a team-building exercise; the MBA theory is we’ll all feel closer thru joint bitching about the Pointed-Haired Blog Owner.

  27. 27.

    p.a.

    white boxcar with the head, tail and legs of a cat.

    dyspeptic posts from j.c.

    I don’t see any differences…

  29. 29.

    Comrade Mary

    I’m going to pretend the placeholder text in the search box doesn’t say “search me” but “bite me, fuck you, and fuck off to Google to search it for yourself, asswipe”, except that probably wouldn’t fit.

  35. 35.

    Corner Stone

    @Narcissus:

    I bet Tunch would make a good landing pad for Olympic pole vaulters

    Ok, strikethrough doesn’t work for now.
    Damn you Cole!! What did Strikethrough ever do to you?!

  36. 36.

    Comrade Mary

    Tunch is pretty. The new header image is pretty, too. It’s growing on me. Like Tunch.

  38. 38.

    John Cole

    @Mark B.:

    No next post, previous post linkage. Really, is this getting coded on the fly? Wouldn’t you usually deploy the software to a test site and work out the bugs before going o prod? You have tons of willing beta testers. As someone who’s done lots of website deploys, this isn’t one of the better coordinated ones I’ve ever seen.

    Was this a serious comment? Did someone seriously just suggest I BETA FUCKING TEST my weblog? WTF do you think this is, BIOWARE OR BLIZZARD?

  39. 39.

    jl

    On a second look, I think Tunch shows ‘serious concern’ about the blog rebuild.

    One hopes only because his cat treat schedule has been outrageously interrupted, but… perhaps there is more to it.

  40. 40.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    Overall, I like it. I really like the fact that the rotating tagline box is titled “Rotating Tagline”.

  41. 41.

    amk

    In other words, your whining whinging comments are pointless exercises for now.

    keep at it peeps. we are getting to him. mebbe we will see cole kicking tunch soon.

  46. 46.

    dmsilev

    @John Cole:

    WTF do you think this is, BIOWARE OR BLIZZARD?

    If this were Bioware, you’d already be seeing boycott threats from social conservative nutcases because they think gay people are icky. So, if you aren’t getting hate mail from NOM or similar, you’re probably not Bioware. I suppose it’s possible that you’re Blizzard.

  50. 50.

    Comrade Mary

    Hey, Categories has been put in a good place now, too, along with Recent Posts and such. No more horizontal scroll bar!

    Seriously, John, I hope you and the crew get ice cream, beer and anything else you want after this. This place is shaping up nicely.

    (I can see a couple more things that could be fixed, but I’ll sit on my hands for a bit because you probably already have those in the queue.)

  51. 51.

    eco2geek

    Looky there, we got Reply buttons back! Too bad the arrows and the comment text overlap. Geez, this looks like the kind of site rebuild Glenn Greenwald would do.

    Kicks tires
    Looks under hood
    Where’s that new car smell
    Still no Wikipedia article on Cole

    PS- I am ignoring all complaints in every thread until I specifically call for comments/suggestions. In other words, your whining whinging comments are pointless exercises for now.


    10 let i=1
    20 if i=1 print "Tunch is one big cat"
    30 goto 10

    OK, so the “del” tag doesn’t work yet and the “edit comment” box doesn’t return you to the comments page when you’re through. Don’t tell Cole.

  52. 52.

    Roger Moore

    @The Dangerman:

    Are we sure Tunch is a dude? Pregnancy would explain a lot.

    Except for how he’s managed to stay pregnant for several years. Show me a picture of skinny Tunch, and I might accept pregnancy as an explanation.

  53. 53.

    jl

    The new site search works nicely (sorry for the compliment, I will strive to live up to the BJ Code hereafter).

    But it says ‘search me’. A little risque and suggestive for a very serious and sedate high toned blog like this, ain’t it, big guy?

  54. 54.

    WereBear

    My sympathies: I’ve endured 2 crashes in four months.

    I lay awake nights, trying to learn stuff on the Internet and begging for help from tech friends and people on Balloon Juice. Thanks to everyone for it!

  55. 55.

    MikeJ

    @Elisabeth: If the main column was resizable instead of the empty left column there would be plenty of room for the reply button.

    Ahem.

  57. 57.

    Els

    I’m groovin’ on the design, john. I like the random amusing diatribes, too. I think you should update the software on your blog more often. This is fun. :-)

  58. 58.

    Schlemizel

    Everybody heard that Darth Cheney finally has a heart? I wish him a long, painful life fully aware that he is hated by decent humans everywhere in the world.

  61. 61.

    WaterGirl

    I kind of like the juxtaposition of the top 3 items under recent threads:

    Site Rebuild
    Very Stupid People
    Not Sure This Changes Much

  62. 62.

    Mark B.

    @John Cole: absolutely, I’m serious. I would have volunteered to help. If this is upsetting to you, sorry, but I think it would have made e erything go smoother. I realize you aren’t a big software shop, but you can still have a better development process.

    I realize blogs are all about content, but the design should enhance that , not grt in the way. Anyway, it looks like its gonna work out fine, despite the current chaos. Carry on.

  63. 63.

    jl

    “Except for how he’s managed to stay pregnant for several years.”

    Luminosity class O phenomena on the cosmic scale of Tunch work on a different time scale. Check back in a couple of 100 K years. Short lived for the galaxy, but very long for us.

  64. 64.

    The Dangerman

    @Roger Moore:

    Show me a picture of skinny Tunch, and I might accept pregnancy as an explanation.

    Doesn’t really work, huh? OK, perhaps Tunch IS a Dude, but isn’t a cat. Could be a small sheep.

  67. 67.

    Comrade Mary

    Isn’t there an old picture of a lithe TunchKitten in the archives? Any of you yobs feel like fetching it for us?

  68. 68.

    Corner Stone

    @efgoldman:

    I suspect it will show up at the bottom before I go to bed.

    If you were a woman I’d make a disgustingly sexist, and quite possibly harassing comment at this juncture.

  70. 70.

    Heliopause

    Unbelievable. Dick Cheney gets his first heart, thereby providing the fattest batting practice softballs for liberal snark since he shot his best friend, and all you give us is “site rebuild” and obese cats. Epic liberal fail.

  74. 74.

    Corner Stone

    @Heliopause:

    and all you give us is “site rebuild” and obese cats. Epic liberal fail.

    Beg pardon, but I think you mean:
    “Epically obese cat”

  76. 76.

    Corner Stone

    @Polish the Guillotines:

    Especially as the martini kicks in.

    Oooo, speaking of martinis. I’m going to have the best dirtiest VODKA martini tomorrow at Gibson’s in Chicago.
    Can’t.Freakin.Wait.

  82. 82.

    p.a.

    oops. Someone forgot the smiley-face button, and I had been led to understand a couple of bars of “Walking on Sunshine” would play when we hit ‘submit’

  83. 83.

    RossInDetroit

    I like the new header. The old one with the Victorian dude/megaphone looked a little dated. Not that it makes a damn bit of difference. I’m trying to be positive.

  84. 84.

    Poopyman

    Fuck, that means somebody much more deserving (aka “everybody”) has to wait longer for a transplant donor.

    Fuck that fucker. Waste of a perfectly good organ.

  86. 86.

    Comrade Mary

    I am kvelling over all the little tweaks I’m seeing. Contact list complete, rotating tagline looking sleek, Next/Prev post links neatly set up. Man, all I’ll be able to do shortly is drink beer. How dreadful.

  89. 89.

    Luthe

    ::plaintive voice:: Can we go back to having the site content in the middle? Having all that white space off to one side is kinda pointless.

  91. 91.

    Mark S.

    If anyone feels like taking a break from the bitching, you can really see Venus and Jupiter nicely up in the west above the moon.

  93. 93.

    MikeJ

    @Polish the Guillotines: I saw it and almost replied to it, then realised it was transparent trollery. Nobody thinks martinis use vodka.

    Since this is a political blog, a martini anecdote: FDR always claimed he made the best martinis on earth. He made dirty martinis. He would force visitors to the white house to have one. Universally, upon leaving the White House, people would say it was the worst martini they had ever had. But when you’re president you can get people to drink damn near anything.

  94. 94.

    Comrade Mary

    The rotating tagline is — for now — at the top of the right sidebar, above Recent Comments, etc.

  95. 95.

    RossInDetroit

    @efgoldman:

    This from a guy who posted about ordering a new phono cartridge

    I’m listening to a Fleetwood Mac record right now on a turntable I rebuilt today. 1973 blues rock. No steppin’ on MY lawn.

    ETA: (testing) Phono cartridges are everywhere these days. Thank the DJs for keeping phono alive. And thank the guitar players for keeping vacuum tubes in production. Audiophiles tend to think it’s all about them but they’re just piggybacking on the volume customers.

  96. 96.

    Kristine

    Hey, hey–if I click on the balloon, I’m taken back to the front page/latest post.

    Overall, a cleaner look, but I need to get used to the text/posts on the left instead of in the middle of the page. I did need to use Chrome Tools to increase the font size because Jayzus on a pogo stick, the default with Chrome was flippin’ 3-point.

    The new balloon is pretty, but I wish it were bigger and had the basket attached and maybe the little man with the megaphone somewhere but that’s appearance not function so just ignore me.

    I assume the Search box is supposed to have a banner flapping off the side, but it looks as though it’s covering something up.

    I know white space is the new black, but there is an awful lot of it to the right of the comments section and I can’t help but think it should be filled with something and no, I don’t know what. A smattering of pet photos? Small ones, just to fill in the blankness.

  99. 99.

    AnnaN

    “…your whining whinging comments are pointless exercises for now”

    John Cole is turning into Blizzard!

  100. 100.

    Amir Khalid

    I’ve noticed that the site is starting to look a little more like its old self. It’s not all the way there yet, but I live in hope …

  101. 101.

    John Cole

    Test:

    Former Vice President Dick Cheney had a heart transplant Saturday, after five heart attacks over the past 25 years and countless medical procedures to keep him going. Cheney, 71, waited nearly two years for his new heart, the gift of an unknown donor.

    An aide to Cheney disclosed the surgery after it was over, and said the ex-vice president was recovering at a Virginia hospital.

    “Although the former vice president and his family do not know the identity of the donor, they will be forever grateful for this lifesaving gift,” aide Kara Ahern said in a written statement that was authenticated by several of the Republican politician’s close associates.

    Cheney was recovering Saturday night at the intensive care unit of Inova Fairfax Hospital in Falls Church, Va., after surgery earlier in the day.

    Multiple paragraph blockquotes.

  104. 104.

    p.a.

    @efgoldman: digital audio is just louder than vinyl, not better. Vinyl, like life, is in wonderful analog. I gotta get a new cartridge fo my beogram tt.

  106. 106.

    Polish the Guillotines

    @MikeJ: Truth be told, I drink Gibsons. I much prefer the onion to the olive, so flame away if you must. But the bottom line is, Gin. And don’t forget the bitters.

    And yeah, if FDR made me a martini, I’d love it no matter what. Especially since it’d be Zombie FDR stirring it up.

  109. 109.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    The “Recent Posts” list does not contain the topmost post, even if I go to other posts.

  111. 111.

    Comrade Mary

    Those of you see seeing white space at the left or right: is your browser maximized? What kind of resolution are you on? I’m at 1920 x 1200, but I’ve learned not to maximize most apps at this resolution. My browser is currently about 1150 pixels wide, which gives me a small margin of white on either side, as all content is centered.

  115. 115.

    Corner Stone

    @MikeJ: I feel kind of bad for the Gin industry. When the Baby Boomer gen starts dying off en masse, then there will be no one left who knows what Gin actually is.
    I’m younger than Cole and no person I have had drinks with has ever, ever, ordered a Gin anything.

  117. 117.

    suzanne

    God, I stick my head in my study books for a couple of weeks and the place goes all to hell.

    At least Tunch is still adorable.

  118. 118.

    Donut

    @Mark B.:

    Dude, you cannot be serious…

    My advice to all readers/commenters: remember, you are getting all you have paid for at B-J.

  122. 122.

    AnnaN

    It’s okay John, unless you can work on a mirror server site, it is REALLY difficult to iron out these bugs.

    And I agree, giving Cheney a donor heart is an incredible FAIL.

  123. 123.

    boss bitch

    I just wanted to comment so I can see the phrase “boss bitch Says”

    this comment section has the look of some underground forum where folks like Manning would hang out.

  124. 124.

    RossInDetroit

    @p.a.:

    I gotta get a new cartridge fo my beogram tt.

    Good luck. I’m listening to a B&O MC20Cl right now. It was TOTL 30 years ago and now they go for $800 NOS and $150 used. Soundsmith makes B&O compatible carts. You can take your chances on a used one on eBay but get it tested…

  127. 127.

    Comrade Mary

    @jl: Bastard.

    The earliest real picture I could find is here, and even then Tunch was, in John’s words, “pushing maximum density”. Adorable, though.

  131. 131.

    RossInDetroit

    @efgoldman:

    I’d rather do without than go back to LPs. Not to mention, all the noise that vinyl inevitably brings.

    Sorry about the wrecked wrists! I kinda like having to stand up every 17 minutes and handle the record. But for when I’m lazy I have a B&O 4004 that I converted to wireless remote.
    I wet-clean my records. With a good Pramanik or Shibata stylus the noise is vanshingly low. But there’s the hassle factor. I mostly listen to CDs but I’m on a vinyl kick lately.

  132. 132.

    Amir Khalid

    When John Cole invites commenters to gripe about the site, he does it by saying, “No griping!” I think that’s great.

  138. 138.

    Mark B.

    @Donut: Have you ever used open source software? It’s usually very high quality, and that excuse is never used. I realize I’m being obsessive-compulsive, but I’m totally serious.

  140. 140.

    TaMara (BHF)

    All right. I hate the new design. But since I suspect it will all look different in the morning, I’ll hold my tongue. BUT without comment numbers it’s almost impossible to find your place after you comment or refresh on a long thread.

  141. 141.

    dance around in your bones

    I seriously prefer the old logo with the guy in the top hat and the megaphone, shouting into the wind while the balloon drifts away. This shiny new colored balloon looks tacked on like an afterthought.

    I seriously miss the curvacious grey numbers that were on the comments a few years ago. They classed up the joint!

    I will wait for further developments before complaining more, hahaha. Just had to get my two cents in.

    I appreciate the hard work and effort you put into this, my favorite blog. Thank you for this place, seriously.

  142. 142.

    amk

    wow john, look at all the real estate on the right. Is all that space for tunch ? If not, why not ?

  146. 146.

    Comrade Mary

    @Kristine: But that’s to be expected in a long comment thread. The comments are in their own block, and the sidebars are in a separate block to the right. When there is no longer any sidebar content, the space for the sidebar content will still be reserved, making white space appear where you used to see content.

    You could try to code the comments are to fill all the available horizontal space after the sidebar content ends, but it would be a bitch to do, and it would make the lines of text too long to read comfortably unless you also pumped up the text size proportionately.

    Unless I’m misunderstanding you, I think the white space you’re seeing at the right is a good thing.

  147. 147.

    TaMara (BHF)

    And that’s right JOHN COLE, I complained on your no complaints thread. That’s because I’m a rebel and hate rules. Nobody puts baby in a corner and all…

  151. 151.

    RossInDetroit

    @efgoldman:

    Music is mastered different these days. Optimized for headphones & iPods, most of it. Many records and older CDs have more dynamic range. Vinyl is an inferior reproduction medium but a lot of the old recordings were made to sound more natural.
    I monitor line level on a RTA and I can see the compression on modern pop CDs compared to old records. I’d be 100% CD if they hadn’t compressed the life out of so many of them.

  152. 152.

    gbear

    @chopper:

    i keep imagining when he woke up it was like that bit at the end of revenge of the sith when vader was all NOOOOOOO

    Wait until the heart wakes up and realizes where it is…

  156. 156.

    p.a.

    i’m almost 53 but I try not to be an old crank about too many things but one thing I will crank on is a martini made with vodka. Martinis are made with gin. If you use vodka give it another effin name. And it’s only vodka if it’s made with po-ta-to. (2 things!) and it requires olives, not lemon. I’m talking to you Brian D. (3 things!)

  157. 157.

    Roger Moore

    @Comrade Mary:
    I have a 2560×1600 monitor, and I set the browser to a bit over half the screen width. With the old site, that worked great. Changing things so there’s now a bunch of whitespace on both sides instead of widening the main column is a big step backward.

  159. 159.

    Mark B.

    @Comrade Mary: Yeah, in the old design, all of the content was vertically stacked, and you could use the whole width all of the time. Now some of the width is taken up by the sidebar, so thats just the way it is now I’ll take a look at the mobile site later, because clearly you’d have to do something different on a tiny screen to keep it readable.

  160. 160.

    stibbert

    i likes the new topline format & graphic. ‘cos you can click on the whole thing for a refresh, instead of trying to hit the rotating tagline thing, which became difficult after +3.

    is there an FAA registration-format prefix that we can adopt for the B-J balloon? obv., the B-J gas-bag should be christened “ZPK Tunch”, or such-like, in honor of similar characteristics of rotundity.

  161. 161.

    Corner Stone

    Listen, you old cranky fucking fucks.
    When I go into a place and tell the God/Goddess there I want a Ketel One VODKA martini, super dirty. They always bring me exactly what I have ordered.

    Now, if you want to ask them to bring you vodka, shaken in a shaker with ice and poured into a funnel glass you go right the fuck ahead, you dumb sombitches.

    Me, I’m going with what works. A VODKA martini.

  162. 162.

    Comrade Mary

    @Corner Stone:
    That’s a vodka cocktail of some sort. Perfectly fine. It is not a martini.

    Thus: if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle. And if I put my aunt’s balls in a cocktail glass with some vodka, it might be quite dirty, but it wouldn’t be a martini.

  163. 163.

    Polish the Guillotines

    @Corner Stone:

    Now, if you want to ask them to bring you vodka, shaken in a shaker with ice and poured into a funnel glass you go right the fuck ahead, you dumb sombitches.

    Maybe we can agree on this point: You NEVER, I repeat NEVER shake a martini. I don’t care what the fuck James fucking Bond says, you NEVER shake a martini. Golden Rule: Stir the clear, shake the cloudy.

    Oh, and enjoy your Mittini.

  164. 164.

    dead existentialist

    @MikeJ:

    But when you’re president you can get people to drink damn near anything.

    Bush had that effect on me.

  166. 166.

    Corner Stone

    @Comrade Mary:

    And if I put my aunt’s balls in a cocktail glass

    Sounds like you’ve got a few family issues there…
    [stepping away from the balls in a martini glass]

  167. 167.

    Corner Stone

    @Polish the Guillotines: God damn but you got a lot of rules about alcohol. How long does it take the Dr to remove that stick wedged up your ass when you go in for your yearly exam?

    I am firmly of the belief that you fucking jihadists are one step removed from the kinds of people that throw the Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915 off the fucking bridge.

  171. 171.

    the fugitive uterus

    late to the thread but, who gives a damn about the f**king website!

    curled paws, i tell you, curled paws!

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