Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

People are complicated. Love is not.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about its history.”

You cannot love your country only when you win.

If you still can’t see these things even now, maybe politics isn’t your forte and you should stop writing about it.

“Just close your eyes and kiss the girl and go where the tilt-a-whirl takes you.” ~OzarkHillbilly

“But what about the lurkers?”

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Washington Post Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

Disappointing to see gov. newsom with his finger to the wind.

… gradually, and then suddenly.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. keep building.

Donald Trump found guilty as fuck – May 30, 2024!

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

It is not hopeless, and we are not helpless.

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80Comments

  2. 2.

    Carbon Dated

    Actually it’s a little more like the flak Junior Bush took for wearing a jetpack or something during his debates with Kerry.

  6. 6.

    Napoleon

    The funniest part about these lunitics and this theory is that last I checked OBAMA IS PRESIDENT AND HAS ACCCESS TO THE SITUATION ROOM 24/7/365. Why the fuck would he need to be photo shopped in. Hell, if he wanted to “fake” a picture all he would have to do is get the people he wanted in the fake picture and have them pose for a picture. Its not like he is in a picture with somebody he couldn’t do that with like, say Mother Theresa.

  9. 9.

    Jeff Spender

    HA HA HA!

    This is the kind of trolling I’d pull on my liberal friends when they really start annoying me.

    Jesus McAllah, what the fuck is wrong with these people.

  10. 10.

    kd bart

    If partaking of such foolish endeavors prevented these people from spawning, I would be all in favor of them. But unfortunately, these dumb asses manage to reproduce. Thus, they will always be with us.

  11. 11.

    dmsilev

    Also, too,

    Zebest ponders why, if the codename for the Bin Laden mission was “Geronimo,” this document says “CODEWORD NOFORN.” She floats as a possible explanation that this was “another disturbing attempt to casually release confidential information to our enemies.” Unfortunately for Zebest, “NOFORN” is not actually a secret codeword: it means the document is “Not Releasable to Foreign Nationals.”

    Conspiracy theorist missed an opportunity, since the ‘NOFORN’ binder was in front of Hillary Clinton. _Clearly_, Madame Secretary is having additional difficulties with her husband and is attempting to send him a message warning him against fornication.

  13. 13.

    Jibeaux

    See, some people think that the FPers should just stop reading Sully, but that only works if you’re satisfied with the like 650 tags we already have. This new one is a thing of beauty.

  15. 15.

    Keith

    Wow, apparently they’ve even stumbled onto a conspiracy with Obama throwing a football. You see, he throws a baseball differently from a football; that cannot be! And the JPEG image they were looking at…it had weird pixellated effects round his tie. Nothing is real to these people because the look too closely at stuff without understanding lossy compression and automatic image enhancement. Seriously, at some point in the next year, you will read about one of these nutjobs claiming that some Obama event was filmed in a studio instead of really happening because it looks “soap opera-ish” on their LCD TV.

  16. 16.

    jl

    Is that photoshop disaster blog still in business?

    The conspiracy nuts should just submit their stuff there.

    But perhaps they think that these sensitive pieces of evidence should be protected by secret NOFORN status, and kept on lock down, until analyzed to death by wingnut goofballs.

  17. 17.

    different-church-lady

    I’m thinking “Then who’s pants are these?” trends in BJ memewatch.

    How is it possible there is enough room in these people’s brains to accomodate even an autonomic nervous system?

  19. 19.

    shortstop

    @dmsilev: You’re good at this.

    ETA: Now do the missing chunk of ear. I say Michelle–a spectacularly angry black woman–bit it off when she found out Barack never broke it off with Larry Sinclair, but I think you can best that.

  23. 23.

    different-church-lady

    @Jeff Spender:

    This is the kind of trolling I’d pull on my liberal friends when they really start annoying me.

    It’s gotta be just spoofing at this point — they must be sitting around thinking, “What can we come up with that’s so inventively idiotic that liberal heads will explode just trying to comprehend it?”

  24. 24.

    eric

    mock this if you want libtards, but you cant deny that Obama would do anything to get re-elected including bribing students with more affordable loans and bribing unions by bailing out the auto industry. This guy is all about himself and the way he uses that bs nobel prize getting China all worked up about some blind dissident. wake up sheeple, you can see that Obama is trying to pretend he is important to make people (or sheeple in your case) think that he is doing something, when he has done nothing to help the economy, even going so far as to ram Keynesian spending down our throats and washing it down with his unconstitutional ACA and auto bailouts. I am so moving to Montana if he wins again — at least those people know how to elect republican leaders out in the rugged west.

  25. 25.

    Amir Khalid

    Pah. This is nothing. Did the White House ever explain the Situation Room photo where they were all wearing Princess Beatrice’s Flying Spaghetti Monster hat?

  26. 26.

    gwangung

    @Keith: Um, these are the same folks who saw closed captions and thought they were nefarious plots by the President to direct audiences to do….something.

    IOW, not the sharpest pencils in the box and best treated by derision…

  29. 29.

    shortstop

    @eric: I haz a sad thinking about how Burns, Ralf W, Gaz and a few other members of our literalati will be responding indignantly and at length. Okay, maybe it’s a happy.

  30. 30.

    jaime

    Looked at the American Thinker thread, this by FAR is the best comment.

    “Still, too many conspiracy theories going around.
    All the important things are being lost and obscured in the deluge.Typical communist tactic -“

  31. 31.

    jl

    Here you go.

    Folks, I suggest Balloon Juice, the Sherlock Holmes of all blogs, submit the evidence to experts.

    Not sure if this is the blog I looked a few times a couple of years ago, but dude the NoBama forgeries look a lot faker than these photoshop disasters, ya think?

    PS Disasters blog
    http://www.psdisasters.com/

  32. 32.

    taylormattd

    The Whitewater reference is very apt. How long before a very serious republican Congressman is out in his backyard shooting a watermelon to prove Obama didn’t order OBL killed?

  34. 34.

    JPL

    After looking at Obama’s ear, I can’t help but wonder where was Mike Tyson? Are those Tyson’s pants but he was photo shopped out of the picture. Is Tyson actually running foreign policy?

  35. 35.

    Omnes Omnibus

    In case anyone was wondering, they are my pants. I just don’t know why they were in the situation room.

  36. 36.

    handsmile

    At least with Vince Foster, there was a body. With OBL…?

    Documents can be forged, photographs altered, witnesses bought off or eliminated.

    “Pants” are the merest hem of this conspiracy. I’m just sayin’….

  37. 37.

    Comrade Dread

    The pants belonged to Clinton, which brings us full circle. Clinton was somewhere in the White House sans pants!

    Time for another impeachment hearing.

  41. 41.

    "Fair and Balanced" Dave

    @dmsilev:

    Zebest ponders why, if the codename for the Bin Laden mission was “Geronimo,” this document says “CODEWORD NOFORN.” She floats as a possible explanation that this was “another disturbing attempt to casually release confidential information to our enemies.” Unfortunately for Zebest, “NOFORN” is not actually a secret codeword: it means the document is “Not Releasable to Foreign Nationals.”

    You have obviously failed to grasp the latest rule change in Conservative Calvinball. The document is not releasable to foreign nationals and Obama is a secret Kenyan.

  44. 44.

    J.W. Hamner

    @jaime:

    If I’m reading this right… that means Obama is releasing photos and birth certificates that aren’t fake, but look fake to the trained detective eyes of random conservatives on the internet. By doing this he distracts the conservative movement with these trivialities so as to slip his truly devious machinations through unnoticed. While Real American Patriots are busy debating “Whose pants are these?”, the TRUE conspiracy is beginning to unfold…

  49. 49.

    Hewer of Wood, Drawer of Water

    @jaime: yes they need to settle on one conspiracy theory and stick with it.

    But I’ve said too much already

  51. 51.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Dammit, we need to take steps to insure people like this bint don’t breed, if humanity has any sort of future.

  52. 52.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Oh yes you do.

    You and Michelle had to high tail it out of there in a hella hurry when Gates and those other people were heard in the stairwell.

  53. 53.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    Lovely, optical illusions created by our minds desire to see patterns is now prouf.

  55. 55.

    Lee

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    I agree 5/10. I was going to go with a 3/10 but his use of a solid wall of text really sold the crazy.

    We still need better trolls.

  56. 56.

    the fugitive uterus

    @eric: what makes the midwest so special over the south? we’ve got just as much racism down here, thank you very much!

  57. 57.

    Nemesis

    I blame Obama for creating the toxic environment that drives wingers crazy. That and he’s blah. Really blah.

  58. 58.

    jl

    @Lee: I think that was a spoof troll. Or, a real troll who does not know who the governor of Montana is. Probably the former.

    Anyway, I say, let’s declare war and invade Hawaii and get to the bottom of it. They have the evidence, or evidence of absence, or absence of evidence, or something, and won’t cough it up.

  59. 59.

    bemused

    I just had a horrible thought. Now I am wondering how many of my republican friends and family who think Fox is fair and balanced but are not George Tierney lunatics believe some of these way around the bend conspiracy theories. I don’t think I want to know.

  61. 61.

    jl

    @Nemesis:

    ” I blame Obama for creating the toxic environment that drives wingers crazy. ”

    Obama is uncivilly civil, especially for ‘his kind’. If only we could make the country see how toxic that kind of tactic is, he would lose. We need a big ad campaign, financed by some wigged out old rich guy. That would do it.

  62. 62.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @dmsilev:

    I demand that someone go into their back yard and shoot a watermelon.

    Or at least re-create the meeting in their sandbox with their G.I. Joes.

  63. 63.

    xochi

    When is the Administration going to release the long-form pants? We deserve the truth!

  65. 65.

    Ruckus

    @different-church-lady:
    How is it possible there is enough room in these people’s brains to accomodate even an autonomic nervous system?

    You have it backwards. That’s all they have room for in their tiny, tiny little minds.

  67. 67.

    trollhattan

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    Failed to stick the landing, also, too, the routine has a (very) low difficulty rating. Still, good to know Montana works as a cockroach attractant.

  68. 68.

    trollhattan

    @Jay in Oregon:

    The tricky bit–nobody knows where ACORN HQ is because it’s mounted on one of Saddam’s mobile bio weapon labs.

    I learned this from Colin Powell.

  69. 69.

    trollhattan

    @Comrade Dread:

    Also, also, too. “Who’s pants are these?” is cleverly asking, “Who is pants?”, which I take to mean Hillary is actually in charge. PUMAlicious!

  70. 70.

    Gex

    The ear thing just proves our first gay president is having an affair with Mike Tyson.

  71. 71.

    Gex

    I fear the right is generating rotating tag lines faster than it would be reasonable to add them and more numerous than we want the rotation to contain. We’ll have to have a tag voting system to rein in the tags.

  72. 72.

    dww44

    @bemused: I’m afraid that you may be right. I have lots of those friends and relatives and I know that many believe in a good bit of this garbage. It’s almost all reflexive for them these days. They believe BECAUSE they want to. All there is to it. Have no ability to think impartially or rationally about Obama.

  73. 73.

    jl

    @Gex: Uh oh. Now it’s ‘out there’. I think the fact that the WH has not handled its Mike Tyson problem is very troubling.

  74. 74.

    bemused

    @Gex:

    I’m almost tempted to pry around the edges to see what falls out but it would crush me if I found out they buy into the really insane stuff.

  75. 75.

    wrb

    What creatures’ ear bite results in transparent neck-edge?, asks Romney spokesperson George Tierney Jr.

  76. 76.

    Ed Drone

    @jl:

    @different-church-lady:

    “Then who’s pants are these?”

    ATTN COLE: New rotating tag line for blog head. Add asap. Do it.

    If you do, correct “who’s” to “whose,” please.

    Ed

  77. 77.

    Ed Drone

    @Gex:

    We’ll have to have a tag voting system to rein in the tags.

    Isn’t “Tagg” a pulin’ Palin?

    Ed

  78. 78.

    greenergood

    Great: I’ll soon be getting another email (with various forwarded attachments from mom’s friends) from my mom about this, or another birther site, or about how much Michelle’s clothes/children/travel arrangements/security arrangements cost and how all of America is just totally impoverished and Obamacare is communist, etc. etc. Meanwhile my brother’s a hedge fund manager of the Ayn Rand ilk. I’m really looking forward to Thanksgiving …

  79. 79.

    Elie

    Y’all are cracking me up tonight… Thanks! No place like BJ for sharp repartee… :-)

  80. 80.

    Zach

    I know we’re talking about folks who are pretty anti-science here, but I didn’t realize that we were re-litigating the wave/particle nature of light. Did you know Osama Bin Laden and the Unabomber and Hitler also believed in the diffraction limit? Teach the controversy!

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