This Alex Pareene Hack List installment on the pathetic K-Lo might be the best birthday present I will get this year. Or any year, for that matter:
But Lopez’s niche has always been that she’s the world’s most tragic Catholic. She’s basically a hack liberal’s savage parody of a miserable, prematurely old religious conservative woman — a Jean Teasdale of the right. It’s not just her many, many writings on the evils of the pill and how contraception “[denies] the reality” that “motherhood is at the heart of what it means to be a woman.” ”I know enough to thank God for the job creators, the natural economic stimulators, capitalism,” she said, when mean Mike Huckabee had the temerity to criticize the economy back when President Bush was America’s dad.
Two more of my favorite Kathryn Jean Lopez posts: This one, in which K-Lo decides that Barack Obama calls terrorists “folks” because he loves terrorists, until presumably a reader points out that Bush also used the word “folks” all the time. And this one, in which she is happy that Google’s logo is sufficiently patriotic but then some readers say maybe it isn’t patriotic enough but then it is decided that it is.
Beautimous!
Warren Terra
Happy Birthday, John.
shortstop
I can only make fun of her a minority of the time. She’s so unaware of her own pathos that it’s actually painful to read her humiliating herself over and over. I know: weak. Come see the softer side of shortstop!
shortstop
Cole, is it your natal anniversary? Warm felicitations! What’s on the agenda tonight?
beltane
@shortstop: K-Lo reminds me of those unattractive sisters who used to end up as stay-at-home nuns in old-style Italian families. It’s almost like she’s mad at the modern world for depriving her of her natural role in life.
bootsy
“thank God for…natural..stimulators…at the heart of what it means to be a woman.”
JPL
@shortstop: Just a guess but I’m thinking a little celebrating, a little twittering and listening to some music.
Happy day, blog boss!
Raven
@JPL: Boss Hawg Blog. . .
Citizen Alan
“Jean Teasdale of the Right” made me laugh for four whole seconds.
scav
How the holy fuck she reconciles that with the Catholic adoration of Virgin Saints and Nuns might go some way to explaining what passes for gray matter behind that sad sad face.
shortstop
Well, these are people who argue that virginity is no barrier to biological motherhood.
scav
@shortstop: True, True, I’d forgotten that critical detail. And it wasn’t like GoD chose to mess with an UnWed Virgin so all’s well on that count too. And All Praise to the St Cuckold who knows when to shut up when it’s to the benefit of the Holy Church. (Seriously, Joseph does not get half the recognition that man deserves.)
TaMara (BHF)
Happy birthday! Now go outside and play and stop reading the depressing innerwebs.
Bubblegum Tate
The Jean Teasdale dig is just perfect.
Villago Delenda Est
@shortstop:
This is, alas, true.
Which helps explain the problem right there.
Reality has no place in their worldview.
gogol's wife
Happy birthday!
lamh35
Since this post tag is “excellent links”, I’m gonna link to this photo taken after Obama’s speech at NALEO. It just might be the cutest thing ever.
http://twitpic.com/9zag5b
MattF
At least Old Man Buckley understood that Serious Catholicism implied Serious Drinking. It doesn’t look like K-Lo ever really made that connection.
jeffreyw
You’ll be needing this, then?
Maude
@TaMara (BHF):
That blueberry pie looked so good. That’s how pie is meant to be.
It’s so hot here.
Ash Can
And in other news (but in keeping with the topic of RW stupidity), Little Green Footballs has a front page story up right now (sorry, no link — FYiPad) about Joe Wurlitzerbach claiming that his mention of 6 million Jewish people killed in Germany between 1939 and 1945 had nothing to do with the Holocaust.
Yes, really.
In the event that there just might be someone, anyone, reading this who thinks Joe the Plumber has even one functioning synapse in his head, here’s your answer. (And Marcy Kaptur’s campaign must be amazed at their good fortune regarding the quality of their competition.)
Raven
@Maude: A good friend just dropped a gallon bag of fresh blueberries from down to Waycross.
Chat Noir
Happy birthday, John.
jeffreyw
@Raven:
Hmm…, I wonder what those could be used for…
Ash Can
@lamh35: ::dies and is ded from teh cute::
I’m going to go way out on a limb here and guess that Mitt Romney didn’t get the reception Obama did from this group.
Raven
@jeffreyw: Oh yea! Mater’s are getting close and we have high hopes for the butter beans.
MattF
@Ash Can: Can someone offer a brief explanation of why he’s back in the news?
Violet
@lamh35: So cute!
How did the speech go? Well received?
shortstop
@MattF: He’s running for Congress against Marcy Kaptur.
beltane
@MattF: He’s running for Marcy Kaptur’s seat and said something horrifically stupid the other day.
Violet
Since it was a speech to a Latino group, this little gem is probably relevant:
So a Romney campaign co-chair spills the beans that Romney will say FU to Latinos, and then begs not to be quoted. Hilarious.
Anoniminous
Happy Birthday, Best Wishes, & etc.
Not sure if this:
is an “excellent” link, it is an indicative link of an effect of the RW Hate Machine.
Litlebritdifrnt
Happy birthday John. Have you signed up for this yet?
http://www.barackobama.com/news/entry/the-obama-event-registry?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
PS) As I mentioned earlier looks like POTUS is going to kick Mr. Bain Capital in the junk this afternoon. Can’t wait for the speech.
Keith
She’s one of those people where people whisper behind her back, right or wrong, “That woman REALLY needs to get laid.” Someone probably, right or wrong, needs to say it to her face.
Valdivia
@Violet:
I know this is in Spanish but it is a very good summary of the speech and with a tone that puts the facts of Republican intransigence and makes palpable the support Obama has from the latino community. Univision tells it like it is.
http://noticias.univision.com/inmigracion/reforma-migratoria/article/2012-06-22/obama-seguira-luchando-por-la-reforma#axzz1ySMc1B6H
Redshift
Happy birthday, JC. Alex Pareene is one of the best birthday presents for all of us this year.
shortstop
@Valdivia: My Spanish studies are proceeding too slowly. I wish someone would invent a magic pill that would allow me to understand every language in the world. Could I be any lazier?
Teresa
Happy Birthday!
That was a smack down. lol
jeffreyw
@Raven:
We had the first ripe tomato the other day, first ripe big tomato – the cherry tomatoes are going crazy now.
Violet
@shortstop:
Get that iPhone app that you can hold up your phone to words in another language and it translates them right there for you.
shortstop
@Violet: I have it, thanks…I just need to buckle down and study harder in general!
Violet
@Valdivia: @Valdivia:
Thanks. I ran it through Google translate to get the gist of it.
Randy P
Since we’re posting excellent links, could somebody post some good Spanish-language links? Valdivia has mentioned that in the Spanish media there’s actually intelligent discussion of the issues, especially immigration, instead of horse-race nonsense.
I’m not fluent, I can’t follow TV news too well, but I read pretty well. Ayudame, amigos!
Citizen_X
For most of us 99%ers, ewww what a brownoser. But for your average wingnut welfare recipient like KLo, that’s just knowing which side of the bread is buttered, baby.
Feliz cumpleanos, Juan!
shortstop
@Violet: Was it a decent enough translation? I’ll do the same.
Violet
@jeffreyw: My tomatoes are pretty much done. The stinkbugs have been a complete plague this year, literally sucking the juice out of the tomatoes before they turn ripe. Just sagging, empty green tomato skins on the vine. Awful. The cherry tomatoes have survived a bit better, maybe because they are smaller and don’t have as much juice for the stink bugs.
Violet
@shortstop: It’s okay, not great. You get the idea, though.
David in NY
From a tip at Atrios’s comment thread, believe it or not: Beware. When Goldman Sachs says “Our clients’ interests always come first,” or “We are dedicated to complying fully with the letter and spirit of the laws, rules and ethical principles that govern us” (emphasis supplied), or “Integrity and honesty are at the heart of our business,” Goldman does not mean to be taken seriously. Those statements are just opinions or mere “puffery,” not intended as accurate factual statements. So tough luck, guys, if you buy securities from Goldman that they know suck, the proper term of art here, and that they are in fact selling short at that very moment, without telling you that. Don’t come running to the Court saying you were misled into believing Goldman was actually honest, or would act in your best interests, or followed the laws in both letter and spirit.
We have the brilliant, or perhaps just hard-pressed, lawyers at Sullivan and Cromwell to thank for this gem of an argument, which was swiftly rejected by Judge Paul Crotty as “Orwellian.” See Richman v. Goldman Sachs, 10 CV 3461 (S.D.N.Y., June 21, 2012).
Valdivia
@shortstop:
the google translate can give you the gist the most important part is that Obama got a warm reception, that he called out Romney and he called out the Republicans for intransigence. Which they proved by giving the facts about the DreamAct and how the republicans stopped it. While they quote Rubio it is framed by the narrative of Republican intransigence so he comes across as whiny.
@Randy P:
I would recommend Univision.com in the noticias tab.
shortstop
@Violet: @Valdivia: Yep, got it; thanks, ladies.
Randy P
@shortstop: They’re pretty clear that the Republicans are all noise. Pretty faithful to Obama’s message.
Somehow I don’t think even with UNLIMITED CORPORATE CASH they’re going to make any headway with this demographic. Wouldn’t it be delicious if Obama won Arizona on the basis of the Hispanic vote? I’ve been hearing polls saying it’s running neck and neck.
The last couple of paragraphs give a breakdown of Hispanic polling for Obama vs. Romney, and I think you can probably figure that part out without a translator. Running about 70% Obama out west. Only 59-28 in Virginia for some reason.
EconWatcher
I know she purports to be a pundit, and she puts herself out there, so I guess K-Lo is fair game. But isn’t there something too easy about completely demolishing her?
I feel like Pareene just said some things all of us have thought, but were too polite to say. Not sure he deserves plaudits for that.
Calouste
@Violet:
Just another one of Mitt’s incompetent yes-men. Same with that guy who dropped the Etch-A-Sketch comment, but still held onto his job.
FlipYrWhig
@Valdivia: Obama does this–knocking the GOP–a fair amount, but because lots of people on the would-be “left” don’t pay that much attention to what actually happens, it hasn’t stopped many of them from clamoring for him to start doing it already. Feh.
Valdivia
@Randy P:
could be nationality-wise they trend more conservative. Maybe more Colombians or latinos that work in the security industry.
Mark S.
Happy Birthday!
K-Lo has always just struck me as dumb, but not terribly malicious. I actually give her credit for lasting as long as she has. I guess being so stupid that Jonah and Rich seem smart is a valuable career asset.
Valdivia
@FlipYrWhig:
yet another thing that drives me crazy. he is so effective at hitting the Republicans but it seems as if some people prefer to pretend he doesn’t do it.
shortstop
@Mark S.: That and they don’t have enough girls around to be firing any of them.
FlipYrWhig
@Valdivia: The logic is this: “If he did a decent job of it I’d have heard about it by now, so since I haven’t heard about it he must suck at it!”
On one level, sure, if the news doesn’t report something it might as well never have happened. But I’d hope that by now we’ve all learned to mistrust the way the news filters what happens into what they’d like us to know.
Valdivia
@FlipYrWhig:
yes they have a story arc to follow and reality be damned!
Villago Delenda Est
I suppose I would be remiss if I did not include my best birthday wishes and felicitations to our most gracious blog host and the indentured staff of our glorious feline overlord, Tunch, and his canine lieutenants.
So I am including said best wishes and felicitations.
Steeplejack
Happy birthday, Cole. Give those animals a skritch and have a good time. We’ll meet you here after midnight for Little Feat and Grateful Dead.
debbyeOh
Happy b’day from one who rather read Ballon Juice’s good stuff than take the time to type! :)
M. Bouffant
Many happy returns, J.C.!
Throwin Stones
Happy Happy, John Cole.
I’ll take Steeplejacks advice and check in later.
Arclite
Pareene pretty much devastates her in that post.
So much awesome there.
elftx
Happy Birthday !!