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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Late Night Open Thread: Reviewing the Steelers’ Pittsburgh

Late Night Open Thread: Reviewing the Steelers’ Pittsburgh

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Now that Cole’s toddled off to bed, I can share PFT Commentor’s brilliant (satirical) Terry Bradshaw concert review at SB Nation:

… Pittsbugh Pennsylvania and the Pittsbugh Steelers in particular embody every thing thats right about how to play football and every thing that use to be great about America. Its a hard nose blue collar town that loves there Steelers and commits to the running game and stopping the run except the whole city must take pretty poor angles of pursuit on every one whose over 20 years old thats trying to escape…

This was a very diffucult weekend to be a Pittsburghian (Pittsburger? Pittsburgionian? Pittsburghite? No one knows.) As weve all heard by now, Coach Chuck Noll had passed away on Friday night, the day before I flew in to town. ICYMI Chuck was a oldschool coach who packed more lunchpails then Philip Riverses wife and more rings than Elizabeth Taylor!!! He was never a flashy type guy but he got his team to work I guess you could say he was the Ronald Reagan of Coaches accept Noll instead of tearing down a Iron Curtain he built a Steel Curtain to prevent Patriots from Russian on him! (USSR reference) Chuck Noll was a great coach and the entire town was in a state of mourning when I arrived. The line at Primanti brothers was only a hour long so you knew that somthing was off…

Terry Bradshaw is what they call in Pittsburgh “A Lambert of all trades.” The man can sing dance, tell jokes, forget his train of thought, win championships, and make out with Jay Leno all in one lifetime. He was putting on a live 90 minute show called “Americas Favorite Dumb Blonde” at a casino in Gods country 30 mins outside Pittsburgh in Washington, Pennsylvania. They named the town after George Washington because your max bet at the Casino is a one dollar bill and most of the people who go there voted for him…

There are pictures of the shrine to Coach Noll at Heinz Field, and it’s the most pathetic thing I’ve seen since the last time I ventured over to Redstate.

Reader Interactions

51Comments

  1. 1.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    Was the SB Nation thing written by someone who was still drunk? The asshole bit comes through, but the grammar and spelling mistakes suggest drunk as well.

  3. 3.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    @ranchandsyrup: Not my thing, I guess. It just read like someone being a dick.

    ETA: Based on this, I don’t see the point of reading the guy’s other stuff.

  7. 7.

    ⚽️ Martin

    A poster, a terrible towel, and presumably a bag of shit. An emotional outpouring that only Pittsburgh could put forth. If Philadelphia, someone would have stolen the towel.

  8. 8.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    Yeah, that plaque…If a Packers’ coach wins four championships, we name the stadium after him, or at least put a great big statue of him in front of the stadium. You win one championship and you probably get a street named after you…Or at least get into the in-stadium Packers Hall of Fame.

    Don’t the Steelers have enough to celebrate in their forty-two years (or is it forty-three?) of existence to open their own HoF?

  9. 9.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    @ranchandsyrup: So basically, AL linked a t troll post to troll Cole after he went to bed? Can anyone say passive-aggressive?

  14. 14.

    srv

    If every sperm is sacred, you better put that iphone down:

    We used ten studies in the meta-analysis, including 1492 samples. Exposure to mobile phones was associated with reduced sperm motility (mean difference − 8.1% (95% CI − 13.1, − 3.2)) and viability (mean difference − 9.1% (95% CI − 18.4, 0.2)), but the effects on concentration were more equivocal. The results were consistent across experimental in vitro and observational in vivo studies. We conclude that pooled results from in vitro and in vivo studies suggest that mobile phone exposure negatively affects sperm quality.

  15. 15.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    @KG:

    Are you aware of the Steelers’ history prior to 1972? It’s one of those things like the “Sea People” who supposedly knocked around the Mediterranean basin during the Late Bronze Age collapse: There are fleeting references, but no hard record.

  16. 16.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    @KG: The Packers were formed in 1919 (third oldest in the NFL) and have 13 NFL championships (1st in the NFL). I think that is what you were missing – unless you also missed that Max McGee was a Packer and a hero of Super Bowl I.

  20. 20.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    @KG:

    No, no, no…You can find detailed contemporaneous reports on those other sports going back quite far. As concerns the pre-1972 reportage on the Steelers, one can only find things that say something like, “I am told that there is a professional football team in Pittsburgh who hosted our Chicago Cardinals yesterday.” That’s not the stuff of Halls of Fame.

  22. 22.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    @KG: No, the Steelers did nothing worthy of note before 1972. While other teams have longer and more storied histories.

  24. 24.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    @John (MCCARTHY) Cole: Awesome response. Well done.

    ETA: When I was in OCS, one of my fellow officer candidates was well known for complaining. One day, someone told him toe quit whining. He responded, “I don’t whine; I bitch.” Everyone said, “Okay, fair enough.”

  27. 27.

    Anne Laurie

    @Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): No, I honestly enjoy reading the “PFT Commentor” posts, and figured some other people might find it funny as well. (Never claimed that my tastes were particularly highbrow, did I?).

    I just waited till Cole had (presumably) gone to bed because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and he won’t bother reading this tomorrow.

  30. 30.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    @Anne Laurie: Like I said above, it didn’t appeal to me. And, perhaps because of that, it seemed like an unkind thing to do. That particular form of humor passes me by.

  32. 32.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    @Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):

    Wasn’t there an incident with a ladder a few years back? And wasn’t a part of a cluster of non-mustard-related incidents that occurred that spring/summer? That’s what brought the verb to mind.

  34. 34.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    @Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):

    We’re about the same height. I’m thin, too. I used to hang with a lot of guys who are John’s size, so much that there were times that they were so much bigger than me. It only really hurt when I tried to give a guy a hand up.

  35. 35.

    Mr_greenjeans_jr

    I just do not get this piece, but I think I may be missing something. As a native of the region (Martins Ferry, OH), I know where I come from, but it has been like 20 years since I lived there. The SB Nation thing comes across as less satire than someone just taking a shit on a city and everyone in it. I understand satire, but I am not seeing it here. Is it just the lame tribute to Chuck Noll that triggered this? I guess I am just missing the point..

  37. 37.

    Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)

    @Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again): It affected my rugby. I could play backfield as a first teamer, but I also got to switch to flanker In B-side matches. If I had been 2″ taller and 20lbs heaver, I could have always played flanker. I was good at it and liked it. Unfortunately, I am not even the size ( at playing weight) of Jean-Pierre Rives.

  38. 38.

    Bart

    In this excerpt I notice two ridiculous mistakes: “more… then” and “accept” instead of “except”. I don’t even…

    Who makes such mistakes in their NATIVE language? I don’t make those mistakes, and English is the FOURTH language I acquired, after Dutch, French and German.

  39. 39.

    Amir Khalid

    I read the whole SB Nation piece. Granted, I don’t know much about the local and sporting references; but it struck me as mockery — not maliciously intended, but not having enough of a point to rise to the level of satire.

  40. 40.

    Keith G

    This is just a test. My browser and WordPress seem to be having issues

    Edit: Works now.

  41. 41.

    geg6

    What an asshole. Coach Noll had a lovely funeral at St. Paul’s Cathedral, at which half the region turned out. And there is no need for a HoF outside the stadium since there is one inside and our players, coach and owners make up a huge chunk of the busts in the HoF in Dayton. And we don’t put up statues outside the stadiums until the person has passed away.

    Guy knows nothing about the Steelers or Pittsburgh and thinks he’s funny because he misspells shit. What an ass. Oh, and everyone with a brain knows that we’re Pittsbughers.

  42. 42.

    Steeplejack (tablet)

    @geg6:

    Oh, and everyone with a brain knows that we’re Pittsbughers.

    Heh, if you say so.

  43. 43.

    call me ishmael

    I think PFT commentor is a misunderstood genius. If you ever spend any time at all in the comment section on Pro Football Talk, NBC’s site for obsessive NFL junkies, you’ll know it as a cesspool of racism and idiocy that rivals youtube’s comments.

    PFT commentor channels that id like a football version of Stephen Colbert who loves slow, “gritty”, lunchpail carrying white guys like Welker and Danny Woodhead while hating on great black athletes like RG3 and Colin Kapernick.

    I always look forward to his next “strong taek”, and fully support his recent quest to join the football writers of America and get press credentials.

    Also, it’s “Yinzer”, everyone knows that.

  45. 45.

    drkrick

    As a player, Bradshaw was once described as a guy who couldn’t spell cat if “you spottted him the C and the A”, so in a parody it would be hard to avoid going there. On the other hand, Bradshaw is also pretty likely to be suffering from the effects of football-related brain damage at this point so making fun of how stupid he sounds and how often he loses track of his own sentences may not be in the best possible taste.

  47. 47.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    On the other hand, Bradshaw is also pretty likely to be suffering from the effects of football-related brain damage at this point so making fun of how stupid he sounds and how often he loses track of his own sentences may not be in the best possible taste.

    @drkrick: I saw a pre-internet interview with him on the ol’ television device back in the early 90s. He was telling the interviewer that at least once a day, he would have a moment where he would have no idea where he was. Not the place, town, city, county, state or country. He didn’t seem that concerned about it, but realized it was a problem and was probably going to be more of one later in life.

    And he was the king of playing with concussions. I’d actually say he’s probably the exception to a lot of rules, in that he still seems reasonably coherent, oriented, and doesn’t seem to have any rage/impulse control issues. But yes, he is assuredly suffering from at least some degree of non-trivial brain damage.

  48. 48.

    butler

    @call me ishmael: Exactly this.

    PFT Commentator is a character, a Poe, based on the neanderthals that inhabit the cesspool of ProFootballTalk.com.

    The misspellings, poor grammar, crimes against punctuation, and poor taste are deliberate. You’re supposed to think he’s an asshole, because he is an asshole. You still may not find him funny, but begin mad at him makes about as much sense as being mad at Colbert for being a “conservative”.

  50. 50.

    Rex Everything

    Yeah, the Steelers were nothing, absolutely nothing, prior to 1972. The change since then (& it’s been rather dramatic) is due more to Chuck Noll than any other person.

    PFT Commenter’s thing is super dumb, btw.

  51. 51.

    Col. Klink

    The Seattle Seahawks baby! The Steelers of Modern Times!

    Mining (data) at Microsoft. Forging (customer relations) at Amazon. Pouring molten hot (coffee) at Starbucks. The Immaculate Deflection (at Boeing’s Weapon’s grade stealth siding plant).

    As Pete Carroll would say, “WHOO HOO!!!! Freaking electrifying!”

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