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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Open Thread: Stay Beautiful

Open Thread: Stay Beautiful

by @heymistermix.com|  August 25, 201412:15 pm| 142 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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snail_hydration
I saw this in a store this week and though of all you beautiful people — I hope you’re all well-hydrated and moisturized.

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Reader Interactions

142Comments

  1. 1.

    Elizabelle

    August 25, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    My scheming?

    Love the packaging. And her little dog too.

  2. 2.

    dmsilev

    August 25, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    I think it’s the “Shhh, don’t tell anyone” picture in the corner that makes the whole thing work.

  3. 3.

    Betty Cracker

    August 25, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    So the idea is to slather snail slime on your face? No thanks!

  4. 4.

    R-Jud

    August 25, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    I have a loyalty card with a health food store chain and was recently given a £2 coupon for a product like this. I generally buy giant tubs of natural peanut butter from this health food store and think I would get better results by using that as a face treatment instead of snail mucus.

  5. 5.

    scav

    August 25, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    But just look what it did for the bald egg with consumption!

  6. 6.

    Scamp Dog

    August 25, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    I wish my dog and I each had a snail to ride. We would be the talk of the town.

  7. 7.

    The Dangerman

    August 25, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Endorsed heartily by Mitch McConnell.

    ETA: Hold it. He’s a turtle. Oops.

  8. 8.

    scav

    August 25, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    but, as to the issue of snail gook v. semi-random assemblages of chemicals that have to tested before being unleashed as non toxic? Adding to the melèe mud and salts exported over international distances?Well . . .

  9. 9.

    Ben Cisco

    August 25, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    I hope you’re all well-hydrated

    Well, I was…

  10. 10.

    Amir Khalid

    August 25, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    @Scamp Dog:
    Yeah, it would certainly be a relaxing ride. But where would you keep those giant snails, and how much vegetation would you have to feed them?

  11. 11.

    lamh36

    August 25, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Fox News = Fuckery!

    @RippDemUp
    Fox News guest: Was Michael Brown too large to be an ‘unarmed teen’? http://bit.ly/1spUB1F

  12. 12.

    Shakezula

    August 25, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Living Social (or Groupon) regularly pushes an American product which is made – sorry – humanely harvested, from sea snails.

    I often think there’s a contest to see who can get women to do the grossest, most ridiculous and potentially harmful thing in order to look 17 (minus the acne). Whoever came up with face enameling still has a comfortable lead.

  13. 13.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 25, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    I’m pretty sure that it’s a product of the Hello Kitty factory.

  14. 14.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 25, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    @dmsilev: “It will be our little secret! You, me, and 50 million other Japanese women.”

  15. 15.

    shelley

    August 25, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    I wish my dog and I each had a snail to ride.

    Just like Dr. Doolittle!

  16. 16.

    SiubhanDuinne

    August 25, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    @dmsilev:

    And the bright yellow clouds and huge bright yellow raindrops.

  17. 17.

    Citizen_X

    August 25, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    So, what is snail “essence?” Is it snail slime? Or mashed snail guts? Snail poop? What? Very vague term, there.

  18. 18.

    PurpleGirl

    August 25, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    @lamh36: WTF!!!!!

  19. 19.

    Roger Moore

    August 25, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:
    I’m pretty sure that’s 50 million Chinese women, not Japanese. You can tell it’s Chinese writing by the complete lack of kana (Japanese characters used for words that have no grammatical counterpart in Chinese).

  20. 20.

    Belafon

    August 25, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    @lamh36: I’m sure what they wanted to say was “Was Michael Brown too large brown to be an ‘unarmed teen’?” but didn’t like the repetition.

  21. 21.

    WereBear

    August 25, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Patriotic snails would deny us their essence.

  22. 22.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 25, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    @lamh36: Well, the guest apparently was Linda Chavez, a reliable racist whore, and the interviewer was Steve Doocy, a reliable racist whore. So do take that into consideration. Apparently, Michael Brown was armed with dark skin, which is the ultimate weapon that not only repels bullets, but hurls them back at whoever sent them his way with unerring accuracy, which explains how every slave revolt in the old Confederacy was successful and the planter class was made extinct by 1860.

  23. 23.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 25, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    @Roger Moore: Oh, well then, I definitely erred. Make that 500 million Chinese women, then.

  24. 24.

    Roger Moore

    August 25, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    @WereBear:

    Patriotic snails would deny us their essence.

    Sure but have you seen what snails drink? Rainwater, maybe, but never grain alcohol, so you can tell they’re not patriotic. Why else would the French like them so much?

  25. 25.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 25, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    @Roger Moore: Wine. They drink wine. Usually clarets.

  26. 26.

    scav

    August 25, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    @lamh36: I see they were careful to include the descriptor “teen” so it does’t become open season on all the obese.

  27. 27.

    Roger Moore

    August 25, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Make that 500 million Chinese women, then.

    50 million is probably closer to correct. I doubt this stuff is within the price range of anyone in China except for the urban nouveau riche, who are sill a fairly small minority.

  28. 28.

    samiam

    August 25, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    If it said it was endorsed by Palin you would totally buy it.

  29. 29.

    Bobby B.

    August 25, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    MISTER SPARKLE! Awesome-a power! Disrespectful toward dirt!

  30. 30.

    satby

    August 25, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    @Shakezula: Big part of the reason I opted out and started making my own stuff!

  31. 31.

    JPL

    August 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    @lamh36: I’m taking a break from working outside and what do I find out. Michael’s mother wore red and he was to darn big to begin with. wtf
    One of my sons is almost 6’4″.

  32. 32.

    Betty Cracker

    August 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Six months ago today, my mom died. Two months ago Saturday, my father-in-law died. And I just got a phone call telling me one of my old grandmas was admitted to ICU with pneumonia, which is never a good sign for someone in her 80s. Fuck 2014 with a rusty hay baler.

  33. 33.

    kindness

    August 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    OK I will lead with my ignorance of what ever language that is and ask:

    Where do you wear this mask? If I was at Wonkette I would have just said I was asking for a friend.

  34. 34.

    The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik

    August 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    @lamh36:

    NYT isn’t too far behind on the entire dark insinuation angle. This picture comparing write ups on Brown and Tsarnaev is just so fantastically telling.

  35. 35.

    satby

    August 25, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Sorry Betty! Hoping for the best for your gram!

  36. 36.

    JPL

    August 25, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    @R-Jud: Maybe John should try it and then report the results to all of us. After all he’s the blog host.
    How’s it going with the bean? Have you been hiding or just not on at the same time as me?

  37. 37.

    JPL

    August 25, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Sometimes life sucks. Hang in there.

  38. 38.

    Tenar Darell

    August 25, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    Well, now I know why Ancillary Justice deserved a Hugo. Finished it this AM, still thinking about it. Wow. (I’m not even mad that it turned out to be part of a loose trilogy).

    Also, thanks to @Mnemosyne @Yellow Journalism & @NotMax for the silent recommendations. These will definitely help feed my early film addiction.

  39. 39.

    p.a.

    August 25, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    @shelley: 1964 Dodge Dart was the closest to a snail ride I’ve ever had.

  40. 40.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 25, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    @JPL: This is true.

    Aside to Betty: it’s highly unlikely that 2015 will be nearly as bad for you, personally, as 2014 has been. So there’s that.

    Keep the kiddo, Mr. Cracker, the couch dominating slobber hounds, and the chickens safe.

  41. 41.

    Geoduck

    August 25, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Some people cut out the middle man and pay to have giant snails crawl on their face. Seriously.

  42. 42.

    Shakezula

    August 25, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    @Betty Cracker: So sorry to hear that.

  43. 43.

    Punchy

    August 25, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    I’ve heard that this product works, but at a pace that is…..slow.

  44. 44.

    JPL

    August 25, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Francis Robles, the NY Times correspondent who mentioned Michael’s mother’s funeral attire wants you all to know she was just

    I was expecting an intelligent discussion about ways to express grief.

    Feel free to discuss.

  45. 45.

    Mike E

    August 25, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    @p.a.: My sis had a ’65 (I think) Dart with 3 on the column that the Army bought off of her and converted into a tank.

    All true, tho the last part is a bit hazy.

  46. 46.

    Cacti

    August 25, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    NYT calls Michael Brown “no angel” because he smoked weed, liked rap, and once had a scuffle with a neighbor.

    NYT called Chris Farley a “versatile comedian-actor” when he overdosed on coke after going on a days long binge with a prostitute.

    NYT called Philip Seymour Hoffman an “actor of depth” after he overdosed on heroin.

    So, obviously it can’t be the drugs that make someone “no angel”.

  47. 47.

    Calouste

    August 25, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    @JPL:

    I think Ms. Robles uses a non-dictionary definition of “intelligent”.

  48. 48.

    scav

    August 25, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    @JPL: She learned her CYA from the same school as a PD that instantly springs to mind. facile idiote.

  49. 49.

    Cacti

    August 25, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    If Michael Brown was “no angel” for his list of relatively minor offenses…

    What will the NYT call Sean Penn when his time comes?

  50. 50.

    Gin & Tonic

    August 25, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    @Mike E: The Army may have redone the coachwork, but dollars to donuts that slant-6 engine is still running today.

  51. 51.

    Trollhattan

    August 25, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    @p.a.:
    But that slant-six would crawl on forever, so there’s that!

  52. 52.

    Trollhattan

    August 25, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    @Betty Cracker:
    Well that just sucks. Hopefully she’ll rally–I’ve seen that happen more times than I care to count within my family.

  53. 53.

    scav

    August 25, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    The New York Times initiates a thoughtful histoiography of footwear through the ages: “Your Mother Wears Army Boots.”

    The New York Times sparks a meaningful debate on heath care and health management: “Does This Make Her Ass Look Big?”

  54. 54.

    Mike E

    August 25, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: I do recall being quite impressed at the tender age of 5 years old. My daughter currently drives a 5-speed Vibe, another world-beater of a model.

  55. 55.

    Mike J

    August 25, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    @Mike E:

    My sis had a ’65 (I think) Dart with 3 on the column

    I learned to drive stick on a ’66 (in 1980 or so,)

  56. 56.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    August 25, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Looking through all the things I need to do to run a Kickstarter. At the top of the list is, “Find someone who has some idea how to do this stuff, like make a promotional video.”

    Does it mark me out as someone who just doesn’t understand my fellow human beings that I find the idea of picking a book, either to read or to support, based upon a video to be absolutely nonsensical? What the hell does a promotional video tell you about a book?

  57. 57.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    @Betty Cracker: So sorry to hear that. Hopefully she’ll rally.

  58. 58.

    lamh36

    August 25, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    Oh for fuck’s sake…

    @Gawker No, Eric Holder didn’t pay gangs to “start riots” in Ferguson http://gaw.kr/vz9cAbG

  59. 59.

    danielx

    August 25, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    I bet Sean Hannity uses one of those masks, which may be why the word backpfeifengesicht comes to mind every time I see a picture of his smarmy, smirking face.

    Speaking of snail rides, I did own a couple of Pintos during certain periods of my misspent youth. They weren’t all that bad, for disposable cars. (Disposable like paper towels, that is.)

  60. 60.

    Roger Moore

    August 25, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    @Geoduck:

    Some people cut out the middle man and pay to have giant snails crawl on their face.

    You’re just jealous that they haven’t done it with clams.

  61. 61.

    Thoughtcrime

    August 25, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    @dmsilev:

    An ancient Chinese secret to help your clothes stay beautiful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJP5f-fsHrs

  62. 62.

    Mike E

    August 25, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    @Mike J: I learned on a Ford EXP. Man, did that clutch blow chunks…made me appreciate finer (Japanese) clutches, and, automatics.

  63. 63.

    Thoughtcrime

    August 25, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Speaking of Japanese women’s “Hello Kitty” secret: http://www.hellokittyuniverse.com/page/Hello+Kitty+Vibrator

  64. 64.

    boatboy_srq

    August 25, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Sounds like you’re having my 2010, or my S.O.s 2013. :( Best wishes for your grandma: pneumonia is nasty, but curable.

  65. 65.

    wasabi gasp

    August 25, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Unsuccessful as a sandwich spread. Plan B.

  66. 66.

    boatboy_srq

    August 25, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    @Mike E: Ouch. There was a time (briefly) when I thought an LN7 would be a fun ride. Thank FSM Honda produced the CRX before I was in a car-buying space. FYI: I learned to drive on an Austin Metro 1.0l, so I get the idea.

  67. 67.

    Shakezula

    August 25, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Also also, standards are slipping here. The title of this post should have been lifted from this cheerful ditty by Blondie.

  68. 68.

    wasabi gasp

    August 25, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Wishing your grandma well, Betty.

  69. 69.

    ? Martin

    August 25, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    @Trollhattan: Indeed it would. When I was a kid we inherited a late 60s Dart from my great aunt when she passed away. After my parents split up, money was tight and mom didn’t have the skills to work on the car herself (I was still pretty young), so she mostly just drove it. Some time later she met a guy would would later become my stepfather and he offered to give the car a once-over. He went to check the oil and discovered that, well, there wasn’t really any. There was some sludgy goop in there that wouldn’t come out of the oil pan without help from a screwdriver. Apparently the last oil change was many years prior and in spite of the car being driven every day and some 200+ mile trips, ran just fine. The car was shit, but was also nigh indestructible – not unlike the fine East German automobiles.

  70. 70.

    WaterGirl

    August 25, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): My first random thought was that maybe you need to do a kickstarter project to get a company going that can help other kickstarter folks to create their videos for their kickstarter projects.

    Second random thought was, no ruemara needs to do that kickstarter since she is the video girl.

    Final thought on the subject was, JMN needs to talk to ruemara about doing his kickstarter video.

  71. 71.

    Mike E

    August 25, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    @ boatboy_srq: Heh. I saw a lot of these when I visited the former East Germany back in ’92. I still have a little trouble with 3rd, tho you prolly don’t need to worry about it so much with a 2-stroke engine.

  72. 72.

    ranchandsyrup

    August 25, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Did some pool time over the weekend. M had her first Drumstick experience with help from Big Sister.

    Currently, I’m lamenting the CA Legislature’s ability to “gut and amend” bills to get a 2nd shot at getting a bill passed. :(

  73. 73.

    Mandalay

    August 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):

    Does it mark me out as someone who just doesn’t understand my fellow human beings that I find the idea of picking a book, either to read or to support, based upon a video to be absolutely nonsensical?

    The idea may be nonsensical for choosing a book to read, but not for choosing a publishing project to support financially. Donors need confidence that the folks running a project have their act together, and a video surely helps provide insight on that.

    Here’s a Kickstarter video for a book which I thought was pretty persuasive. I am not remotely interested in that book, but the project itself is clearly serious and professional.

    But the bottom line is that even if you are not swayed by a video, others are:

    A video is strongly encouraged but not required. More than 80% of projects have videos, and those that don’t have a much lower success rate.

  74. 74.

    rikyrah

    August 25, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Published on Aug 25, 2014

    ‘Michael Brown Funeral’ Eulogy Al Sharpton Michael Brown Funeral Eulogy Prayers by TD Jakes and Jamal Bryant Michael Brown Funeral Eulogy Al Sharpton, Prayers by TD Jakes and Jamal Bryant Mike Brown Funeral Eulogy Al Sharpton, Prayers by TD Jakes and Jamal Bryant

    http://youtu.be/vsA6zfyA4mQ

  75. 75.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    August 25, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    @Mandalay: Yeah, I know that it shows that you’re serious but it puts someone with a mild speech impediment who falls apart on camera at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to publishing a book.

  76. 76.

    WaterGirl

    August 25, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    @? Martin: I loved my Dodge Dart – it was my first car – so if anyone here wants to trash that car, let’s step outside.

    I have a sad story about my dodge dart, though. My oil light came on, I took it to the shop and they said I had plenty of oil, not to worry. Oil light stayed on, took it somewhere else and they said I had plenty of oil, not to worry. I got tired of seeing the oil light on – because it made me think there was something wrong – and since they told me I all was good I just put a sticky note over the oil light so it wouldn’t upset me.

    I drove home to Chicago for thanksgiving. Well, not all all the way home. My engine threw a rod on the highway. (Terrible sound.) Turns out, it doesn’t matter how much oil you have in the oil reservoir if the fucking oil pump isn’t working.

    Two nice guys picked me up when I was stranded on the highway 85 miles from home and drove me to my parent’s doorstep. My parents fed them thanksgiving dinner, and afterwards they were on their way.

  77. 77.

    rikyrah

    August 25, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    A guy named Sean McElwee @Sean McElwee on twitter has been doing comparisons of how the NYT wrote about Michael Brown vs. How they covered several White Murderers.

    Well, I knew the story, but there it is, in Black and White.

  78. 78.

    rikyrah

    August 25, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Walking While Black: Beverly Hills PD Arrests Innocent Black Man

    By karoli
    August 24, 2014 10:41 pm

    Charles Belk’s story shouldn’t shock you, but it will anyway.

    There isn’t much more I can say about this than Charles Belk didn’t already say in his Facebook post. Here it is for everyone to see. He spent 6 hours at the station before they got a clue about who he was — and who he wasn’t.

    Belk is involved with the NAACP, filmmaking and is a businessman in the Los Angeles area who was in Beverly Hills for pre-Emmy awards activities when a couple of Beverly Hills cops decided he was the guy who robbed a bank nearby. Here is his story.

    WHEN YOU “FIT THE DESCRIPTION”!

    It’s one of those things that you hear about, but never think it would happen to you.

    On Friday afternoon, August 22nd around 5:20pm, while innocently walking by myself from a restaurant on Wilshire Blvd, to my car up LaCienega Blvd my freedom was taken from me by the Beverly Hills Police Department.

    Within seconds, I was detained and told to sit on the curb of the very busy street, during rush hour traffic.

    Within minutes, I was surrounded by 6 police cars, handcuffed very tightly, fully searched for weapons, and placed back on the curb.

    Within an hour, I was transported to the Beverly Hills Police Headquarters, photographed, finger printed and put under a $100,000 bail and accused of armed bank robbery and accessory to robbery of a Citibank.

    Within an evening, I was wrongly arrested, locked up, denied a phone call, denied explanation of charges against me, denied ever being read my rights, denied being able to speak to my lawyer for a lengthy time, and denied being told that my car had been impounded…..All because I was mis-indentified as the wrong “tall, bald head, black male,” … “fitting the description.”

    I get that the Beverly Hills Police Department didn’t know at the time that I was a law abiding citizen of the community and that in my 51 years of existence, had never been handcuffed or arrested for any reason. All they saw, was someone fitting the description. Doesn’t matter if he’s a “Taye Diggs BLACK”, a “LL Cool J BLACK”, or “a Drake BLACK”

    http://crooksandliars.com/2014/08/walking-while-black-beverly-hills-arrests

  79. 79.

    Mandalay

    August 25, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): Yep – there is a long list of meaningless and irrelevant bullshit that you can’t avoid when it comes to landing a job, or getting funding for a project. In a perfect world your video talents really shouldn’t matter when obtaining funding to publish a book, but the world isn’t perfect.

    That said, I think the very act of creating a video forces you to really focus on what you are doing, and why your project is worth funding. Can you possibly get someone else to appear in the video for you? Or maybe produce a video with nobody appearing in it, and just have someone else do the commentary? Or get creative, and have no spoken commentary…just words on the screen, and maybe some appropriate music/sounds based on your book’s subject, to win people over?

  80. 80.

    WaterGirl

    August 25, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    @Mandalay: @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): That was a very professional video. Still, In understand what JMN is saying. I would be so uncomfortable on camera that I’m pretty sure the video wouldn’t sell anything.

    Maybe you and ruemara could come up with something clever that would involve someone else narrating? Obviously not volunteering ruemara, but I am nominating her! :-)

    Maybe you could tell the story of your book by holding up signs?

    Maybe some kind of take-off on the video that was done when Captain Kirk won some canadian award? There was a very cute series of verbal exchanges between him and the guy who was filming? Maybe someone else could narrate but we could hear you interrupting him/her with fun things you wanted him/her to say about the book.

    I would also suggest that we could be your kcikstarter guinea pigs – I can’t be the only person here on BJ who would contribute to your kickstarter.

  81. 81.

    Suffern ACE

    August 25, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    @Cacti: Frankly, I think Sean Penn would like to put “we’re no Angels” behind him. It really was a waste of talent all around.

  82. 82.

    Botsplainer

    August 25, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    *GUFFAW*

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/meet-the-press-edge-deborah-turness-chuck-todd

    When he takes over as moderator of “Meet the Press” next month, Chuck Todd will be charged with reversing the Sunday morning show’s sagging ratings. If his boss has anything to say about it, he will also be expected to bring more “edge” to the struggling program.

  83. 83.

    Cacti

    August 25, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    It was pneumonia that did my 94 year old grandma in back in March. I’m very sorry to hear of this development.

    I hope that your grams recovers, if that’s what she wants.

  84. 84.

    Belafon

    August 25, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    @Botsplainer: Maybe they were thinking more Edge(tm). He has more beard.

  85. 85.

    Belafon

    August 25, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Obama the failed soshulist:

    S&P 500 trades above 2,000 points for first time.

  86. 86.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    @Botsplainer: Just happened to see Tamron Hall interview Chuck Todd about something this morning on the Today Show. Or at least I saw her introduce him. She said he was the Chief Political whatever he is and the new host of Meet the Press. The camera was on him when she said that and you should have seen his face. He looked completely full of himself but like he was trying to come across as humble. He was failing dismally at the latter. Even if I knew nothing about him, from that one exchange I’d pick up that he’s an ass.

  87. 87.

    Kropadope

    August 25, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    @Belafon: I think they need to bring on more fresh faces, like John McCain.

  88. 88.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    August 25, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    @WaterGirl: Trust me, when this thing goes live I’ll be asking everyone I can imagine, including commenters here. I’m already starting to get panic attacks thinking about it, but I’ll do it.

    Maybe I should work that into the video: I’m so fired up about this project that I’m here even though it terrifies me.

  89. 89.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    August 25, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Fox News = Fuckery!

    @lamh36: Yes. Their current outrage headline is “3 more White House officials sent to Brown’s funeral than Margaret Thatcher’s!” Oh, the white outrage is so strong today. How dare that shiftless black criminal get a funeral. And attention. Which the Union-Busting Bitch Goddess of Britain did not get. Shoulda never let them off the plantation.

    Total sent to Vicious Female Reagan’s funeral = 0, BTW, which I think was totally appropriate. I would have sent a bouquet of dried human turds, but that’s me.

    Can’t make this shit up, people.

  90. 90.

    Mandalay

    August 25, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    @rikyrah: The overriding theme of all these bogus-black-arrest horror stories is the lack of consequences for cops involved. If I get pulled over for allegedly drinking too many beers I will spend the night in jail, and my mugshot will appear in the local paper within a day or two. But the cop who arrests me can abuse me verbally and physically, and deny me my rights, and nothing happens to the cop. Nothing.

    We need sunshine laws. When the local paper shows my mugshot for allegedly drinking too many beers, if I allege that the cop threatened me or hit me, then that allegation needs to appear in the paper as well next to my mugshot. For any state we should be able to look up any cop and see details of the complaints that have been made against them.

    As with Wall Street, nothing will change until there are public consequences for bad behavior by cops on a personal level.

  91. 91.

    Kropadope

    August 25, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    @Mandalay: There are consequences. An NYPD officer who killed a kid who lived in my town got a commendation for his professional handling of the situation.

  92. 92.

    ruemara

    August 25, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): lol. Contact me, as WaterGirl said, video’s my thing.

  93. 93.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    @rikyrah: I can’t even imagine how this must be for Michael Brown’s parents. They’re just ordinary people living regular lives. Then this horrible tragedy of losing their son this way happens followed by protests and police action. And suddenly they’re thrust into this media spotlight and all these local and national figures descend upon their town and they’re the epicenter of it all. What must it be like to have these people like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson–people you’ve probably only seen on TV–at your doorstep, in your home, leading services for your slain son. I can’t even imagine how crazy it must be for them in the midst of their unspeakable loss. They’re dealing with their own personal tragedy while in the midst of this media circus and national spotlight that they never sought.

    And today is such a public mourning for people who never asked to be public figures. Who probably never imagined they would be. I hope they have good support around them because the loss for them is their son. That’s so heartbreaking and personal for them while the protests and political stuff and grand jury investigation whirl onward.

  94. 94.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): You could do it with cards and music, kind of like the scene in “Love Actually” with Keira Knightly. The right text on the cards, the right music and maybe some effective additional shots could be fun and different. You could even include that you’re terrified of being on camera or something like that.

    You want it to be professional and memorable. That gets people’s attention.

    I guess I’ve missed it but what exactly is the Kickstarter for? For people to buy your book itself? Or to fund some aspect of the publishing? Something else?

  95. 95.

    Calouste

    August 25, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    @CONGRATULATIONS!:

    Thatcher got Cheney, Kissinger, Gingrich and Netanyahu at her funeral, or in other words, just the kind of people she was comfortable with. Surprisingly, both Bush I and Bush II turned down the invitation.

    Also, Zombie Pinochet didn’t show up.

  96. 96.

    raven

    August 25, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    @Violet: They asked Al Sharpton to do the eulogy so they are not too shocked he’s there.

  97. 97.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    August 25, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    And I just got a phone call telling me one of my old grandmas was admitted to ICU with pneumonia, which is never a good sign for someone in her 80s.

    @Betty Cracker: No, it isn’t. Pneumonia used to be called “the old man’s friend” because it was just about the easiest way out there was. I had it for the first time – I’m in my early forties, for God’s sake, that wasn’t supposed to happen – and if you’ve never had it before it is an oddly peaceful disease, considering you can’t fucking breathe.

    At any rate, I hope she pulls out if that is what she wants to do. It won’t be easy. I was flat on my ass for two weeks and not good for two more, and I’m a young and healthy guy. Definitely would not want this as an older person if I wanted to live. I’ll be doing the vaccine from now on.

  98. 98.

    Trollhattan

    August 25, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    @Belafon:
    I’m suddenly getting 3GB/mo downloads on my Obamaphone!

    I blame Obama.

  99. 99.

    Schlemizel

    August 25, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    @Betty Cracker:
    I have no words to express how sorry I am for you. Having gone through a similar year a few back I know that at times it feels like your heart never gets a chance to heal before the next wound. I wish you strength to get though this shitty year and a speedy recovery for eveyone

  100. 100.

    Schlemizel

    August 25, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
    I imagine the video allows people to make more of a value judgement based on the appearance and behaviors of the speaker. Personally, I’d hire a fake with a tweed jacket to stand in for me.

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
    You have a speech impediment? I guess I hadn’t noticed. Now I suppose I won’t be able to miss it.

  101. 101.

    Mandalay

    August 25, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    @Violet:

    Even if I knew nothing about him, from that one exchange I’d pick up that he’s an ass.

    It’s funny you mention that. Yesterday I was surfing through XM in my car and caught Charlie Rose referring to Prime Minister Netanyahu as “Bibi”.

    Even if I knew nothing about him, that two second snippet would tell me so much about Charlie Rose, and the value of his coverage of issues in the Middle East.

  102. 102.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    August 25, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    @Violet: It’s to fund publication. The single biggest expense is professional editing. After that comes things like a cover, layout (hopefully for both an ebook and actual print), registration, marketing, what have you.

    I’m probably going to set the goal of the campaign as just what I think it will take to do the editing. If I get that, I can publish a crappy ebook only and still call it a success because I’ll have produced the best story I can and made it available to people. Everything after that is gravy.

    I have a particular editor I want to use because I’ve worked with her before and we mesh really well. It’s hard to overstate how valuable it is to have an editor that you like to work with and who thinks about the story the same way you do. The problem is that she’s not cheap. So I’ll be looking to raise a fair chunk of money. I’m still waiting for an estimate from her to put together a figure.

  103. 103.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    August 25, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Thatcher got Cheney, Kissinger, Gingrich and Netanyahu at her funeral, or in other words, just the kind of people she was comfortable with

    .

    @Calouste: Beelzebub and Hitler weren’t available? No wonder Fox has a sad.

    Surprisingly, both Bush I and Bush II turned down the invitation.

    That doesn’t surprise me in the least. The Bushes are vile but not on a level with the Handmaidens of Satan you listed. Plus I’m pretty sure that Bush I is not in traveling condition these days.

  104. 104.

    JPL

    August 25, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    Some one on this site was kind enough to post information on how to bypass the Washington Post counters. There’s an article I want to read.

  105. 105.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    August 25, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    @Schlemizel: As I said, it’s mild. And I’m pretty sure you have seen it. It’s main manifestation isn’t a stutter, though that happens occasionally. It’s that I get hung up on a word and just can’t get it to come out. It’s the kind of thing that you can do retakes on so that you get one without it happening but it takes so much focus that I come off as really wooden in video.

  106. 106.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    August 25, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    @ruemara: I would be grateful for any help you can provide. I’ll just go ahead and put my email address here: eeyore1968 [at] melancholy [dash] donkey [dot] com.* Anyone here who is interested can email me and I’ll be happy to send out the first chapter of the novel which even has a title now: Finding Phoebe. Thanks go to Mrs. Schlemizel for coming up with it.

    *Have I mentioned how much I love having my own domain name?

  107. 107.

    Trollhattan

    August 25, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    @CONGRATULATIONS!: There are funeral invites?
    Who knew?
    I wonder what one reads like?
    “You are cordially invited to Plug the former P.M. and Reagan animator into the dirt on the day of the Lord….”

  108. 108.

    Hal

    August 25, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Michael Brown vs Ted Bundy:

    http://arabellesicardi.com/post/95751219441/here-is-a-side-by-side-comparison-of-how-the-new

  109. 109.

    Botsplainer

    August 25, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    @Violet:

    He looked completely full of himself but like he was trying to come across as humble. He was failing dismally at the latter. Even if I knew nothing about him, from that one exchange I’d pick up that he’s an ass.

    “Edgy” for Chuckles Todd is probably going to mean that he’ll do a “McCain on Pop Culture” segment every week.

    Remember the “Gasolina” episode from ’08? McCain cluelessly standing before that high school, happy to offer the entertainment but clueless on meaning while the kids all giggled?

  110. 110.

    Roger Moore

    August 25, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
    If you’ve developed the ebook, how much extra would it be to have it printed through a publish on demand service? If it isn’t too much, you might want to include that as part of your basic Kickstarter so you can include printed books as one of the support levels. Otherwise, I guess you could include a printed version of the book as a stretch goal and offer people the option to upgrade if you reach it.

  111. 111.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    @raven: I know they did. They also asked him to do the service last week. But it’s got to be kind of mind blowing to go from being an ordinary person to the center of this whirlwind because of such an awful tragedy. And all while you’re processing losing your son in such a terrible way. I hope having people like Al Sharpton there–people who have experience with this kind of media circus and have been through other tragic events–is helpful and comforting for them. If it were me in that situation I’d be lost as to how to even cope at all.

  112. 112.

    Schlemizel

    August 25, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
    Ask my better half – she was a commercial artist & did cover design for books in a previous life. She will deny being any good at it but that is a failing of people who have a talent & can’t appreciate how good they are because its so easy for them.

    I call it the Scalari effect (although Scalari was a big deal in his own life time, the movie botched that one very badly in order to make an interesting story)

  113. 113.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): I’m not too familiar with Kickstarter, but the ones I’ve seen people offer stuff at various funding levels. “$5 gets you a bumper sticker”, “$100 gets you a thank you in the book.” That kind of thing. Do you have an idea of what you might offer at various levels?

  114. 114.

    jl

    August 25, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    I was waiting for this blog to cover ‘snail essence’, and I knew it would, sooner or later. See, I had faith.. A true full service blog.

  115. 115.

    Citizen_X

    August 25, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    @Calouste:

    Thatcher got Cheney, Kissinger, Gingrich and Netanyahu at her funeral, or in other words, just the kind of people she was comfortable with.

    Grumble grumble four funerals too few mumble grumble…

  116. 116.

    The Other Chuck

    August 25, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    @Trollhattan: Some terminally ill people had been known to send out “Save The Date” cards for their own funeral.

  117. 117.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    @Botsplainer: I think “edgy” is going to mean Chuckie is going to try to look like he’s “asking the tough questions.” I expect less smiling and more of that furrowed brow look. I also think there will be a few follow up questions but none that really matter.

    I also think there will be an extremely lame attempt to include social media into the show. Live tweets being shown or answering Facebook questions or something stupid. As if people really care about that stuff.

  118. 118.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    August 25, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Roger Moore: Adding a print version adds $1,000-$2,000 to the production costs. It requires a completely different layout process, it needs a back cover and a spine design as well as a front cover, and it adds some complications to the production process. I very much want to do it, but it’s a stretch goal.

    The ideas I have for rewards are:

    $15 gets you a copy of the ebook
    $25 gets you named in the acknowledgements
    $40-$50 gets you a physical copy of the book if it exists
    $75 – Autographed copy of the book or an autographed printed copy of the .pdf if the physical book never happens
    $500 – You get to name a character. The four principle characters have names that are fixed for me but anyone else in there is up for grabs.

    I’d like to come up with something between those last two levels and I might fool around with the dollar amounts but those are the basic ideas I have. I’d like to run them past someone who knows something about the crowdfunding process, though.

  119. 119.

    Citizen_X

    August 25, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    I just noticed on that package: right above the “Snail Essence” part, the brand or product line is given as “My Scheming.” What the hell?

    I take it that goes along with the hush-hush girl up top. Probably a bad translation of something that’s closer to “My Secret,” right?

  120. 120.

    Citizen_X

    August 25, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    @Violet: My prediction: “edgy” = Rand Paul gets invited a lot.

  121. 121.

    SatanicPanic

    August 25, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Heh heh, snickering about this
    Fox News ‘confused’ about how Beyonce can be a feminist when she doesn’t wear pants

  122. 122.

    Schlemizel

    August 25, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    @Citizen_X:
    “Scheming” means to make secret, with undertones of nefarious, plans. In that context it makes sense

  123. 123.

    Seanly

    August 25, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    Channeling the “Jake from State Farm” commercial – that mask sounds hideous.

  124. 124.

    Violet

    August 25, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    @Citizen_X: Speaking of Rand Paul, I saw a HVAC company van today–seemed like a sole proprietor business, not a big company–and it had a brand new “Rand Paul for President” bumper sticker on the rear bumper. I am not kidding.

  125. 125.

    lurker dean

    August 25, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    @Betty Cracker: last year, a friend’s father was in the hospital for pneumonia at 85 and i feared the worst. but the old guy pulled through and is doing fine now. sending good thoughts your way.

  126. 126.

    JPL

    August 25, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    @Violet: I saw my second Ben Carson bumper sticker yesterday.

  127. 127.

    Mnemosyne

    August 25, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    @lurker dean:

    It really depends on the person’s state of health before they go in. If they’re otherwise in pretty good health (as sounds like may be the case for Betty’s grandma), it could just be a short stay and then home again. My dad’s official cause of death was pneumonia, but he also had COPD/emphysema, kidney failure, and two separate tumors, so it was really a matter of what was going to take him down first.

  128. 128.

    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet

    August 25, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    @JPL: You want a fresh “Incongnito” or “Private Browsing” tab or window. Ctrl-Shift-N in Chrome, Ctrl-Shift-P in Firefox. That should do it.

    HTH.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  129. 129.

    Roger Moore

    August 25, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):

    I’d like to run them past someone who knows something about the crowdfunding process, though.

    A reasonable idea would be to look at a bunch of successfully funded books and see what kinds of rewards they’re giving out. It might also give you an idea of what kinds of higher level funding actually attract backers and what kinds don’t.

  130. 130.

    Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)

    August 25, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Hell, no, that writing is Chinese.

  131. 131.

    Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)

    August 25, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: B-b-b-ut Haiti!

    Super Negro is the one superpower movie that has yet to be made. (Okay, Shaft. But Shaft, no offense, couldn’t lay a finger on the magic powers of murdered black boys)

    I’m not trying to be funny, I’m angry, and something inside me really wants to put the fear of god in this smug pants-pissing racist warts.

  132. 132.

    Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)

    August 25, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Wish I had a youtube clip but, no further comment needed:

    http://racebending.tumblr.com/post/86350993403/seekingwillow-aerialsquid-vixyish

  133. 133.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 25, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    @Violet: Make a note to never do any business with such slime.

  134. 134.

    Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)

    August 25, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    @The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik: GOD THIS SHIT MADE ME RAGEY!!!! Tsarnaev plotted to kill people with his sociopathic freak older brother. Brown was gunned down by an angry Caucasian no better than Tamerlan, IMHO. Wow, imagine if they profiled the campus cop the Tsarnaev brothers executed that night they tried to get away the same way they’re talking about Michael Brown. What the actual fuck.

    I guess it’s what Charles Johnson calls DARVO – Reverse Victim and Offender.

  135. 135.

    Another Holocene Human (now with new computer)

    August 25, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    @danielx: I think his face would be much improved by those slapping shovels from the Vogon Planet in Hitchhiker’s Guide.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbd4t-ua-WQ

  136. 136.

    JPL

    August 25, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    @I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet: Thank you

  137. 137.

    J R in WV

    August 25, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    I used to see bumper stickers on GMC/Chevy and Dodge RAM trucks expressing the drivers’ hatred of Obama, and wondering why they hated the one guy who made parts for their trucks available going into the future?

    Getting spare parts from a scrap/junk yard is not really as satisfactory as new, off the shelf parts from a dealership. I guess lots of people get NAPA parts, and that’s OK for brakes or a starter/alternator/battery.

    But if you have actual engine problems, need a valve job, etc, a dealership that you trust is the place to go.

    But they hated Obama, enough to blow off the companies they relied on for their trucks.

  138. 138.

    rikyrah

    August 25, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Betty,

    I will send prayers for your grandma.

  139. 139.

    Betty Cracker

    August 25, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    Thanks, everyone. She’s a tough old bird. I think she’ll pull through.

  140. 140.

    WaterGirl

    August 25, 2014 at 9:16 pm

    Betty, the year my dad was so sock, I hated it when the phone rang because I was afraid ti would be bad news. It occurred to me that you might be going through that at this point, too.

  141. 141.

    WaterGirl

    August 25, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    @WaterGirl: Not that it matters since the thread is dead, but sock was supposed to be sick in the comment above.

  142. 142.

    Betty Cracker

    August 26, 2014 at 7:11 am

    @WaterGirl: ;-) I figured that.

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