Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

Not all heroes wear capes.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

The willow is too close to the house.

A Senator Walker would also be an insult to reason, rationality, and decency.

After roe, women are no longer free.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

This fight is for everything.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

You are here: Home / Music / Step into Christmas

Step into Christmas

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I know a lot of people complain about Christmas songs, which just goes to prove the age old maxim that haters gonna hate.

So I’ll be doing several Christmas song-related threads over the next week.

First off, best Christmas song ever and worst Christmas song ever. This is among those that you can hear on the radio sometimes.

Best: “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes. No contest, right? The “Be My Baby” of Christmas songs.

A few weeks ago I tweeted this but no one could tell it was a joke — emoji sad face.

Worst: Tie between “Carol of the Bells” as performed by Tran-Siberian Orchestra and “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney.

My sister used to do tech support for a company that had one particularly annoying and difficult customer. He turned out to be a teen-ager who maintained a blog where he talked about his love for Tran-Siberian Orchestra and how his parents just couldn’t understand it.

How about a couple more categories:

Best recent (last 20 years) new Christmas song that got radio play: “Go Where I Send Thee” done by Natalie Merchant.

Surprising Christmas song fact: The Killers do a Christmas song every year.

Best song you think of as a Christmas song that isn’t really a Christmas song: “Caravan” by Van Morrison.

What are your best and worst in these categories and whatever other categories you want to make up.

Reader Interactions

206Comments

  1. 1.

    Botsplainer

    Love the seasonal Jethro Tull tunes – Ring Out Solstice Bells and A Christmas Song are outstanding

  2. 2.

    boatboy_srq

    Best: “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” done by Cocteau Twins (Elizabeth Fraser has the most amazing voice).
    Worst: the McCartney tune you mentioned.

    Honorable Mention: “Christmas Every Year” by Frazier Chorus.

  3. 3.

    Suzanne

    Best: “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah, though “Joseph, Who Understood” by the New Pornographers is climbing my list

    Worst: “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” by anybody

  5. 5.

    eyelessgame

    Meh, I always find myself thinking “date rape” when I hear “Baby It’s Cold Outside”. And Patton Oswalt has me convinced “Christmas Shoes” is awful beyond belief.

    I sorta *like* TSO’s instrumental music (probably because I have teens with some sap in them), or at least I would if it had a touch of subtlety or depth. I like what they’re trying to do (elf-stomping music is fine by me); I just wish they did it a tiny bit better.

    Best Christmas song: the video by Straight No Chaser of Twelve Days of Christmas.

  7. 7.

    greennotGreen

    Nope, TSO isn’t the worst. The worst is anything played electronically on those crappy little speakers that come with musical Xmas decorations – ESPECIALLY in a department store.

  10. 10.

    Boudica

    I always like Baby it’s cold outside but the line about “what’s in this drink?” creeps me out now.

  12. 12.

    Michael Bersin

    Several years ago I played a number of slickly produced orchestra holiday gigs. One of the staples of that type of entertainment is “Sleigh Ride” (the Leroy Anderson original for orchestra). That season I believe I performed the piece close to 25 times. After the last show we packed up the vehicle for the long drive to visit family for the holidays. As we pulled out of the driveway we turned on the car radio. “Sleigh Ride” was on. Click. We drove the rest of the nine hour trip in silence.

  13. 13.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Best: “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes. No contest, right?

    No. You’re wrong. You’re all wrong. The best rock’n’roll Christmas song is Darlene Love’s “Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)”

    Honorable mention to Chrissie Hynde’s recent collaboration’s “It’ll be Christmas Soon“, cause it opens with the lines “You told me I was nothin’, no good and a bum, and I told you sound just like your mom, cause I know that you hate it, when I say that”

    The mention of Age of Innocence brought me up short, but I would’ve believed Gangs of New York

  14. 14.

    Seanly

    My wife & I seem to always live in areas where TSO is a big thing – Harrisburg, PA then Columbia, SC, now Boise, ID. Okay, maybe not Columbia as much as the other two. My wife absolutely hates their sound and was actually thinking of unfriending some Boise friends who were posting about how much they were looking forward to rocking out with TSO. While I too don’t care for their warmed over early 80’s rock sound, I was able to talk her off the ledge about unfriending people based on their terrible taste in music.

    My favorite has to be “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses. However, I also partial to many of the classical carols.

  15. 15.

    Randy Khan

    The version of “The Little Drummer Boy” on the first Very Special Christmas album (Bob Seger was the singer) has to be in contention for worst ever, along with every other version of that song ever sung. It seems like the song will never, ever end.

  21. 21.

    Porco Rosso

    Best pop Xmas song: Father Christmas by the Kinks.

    Most Offensive: My First Christmas as a Woman by the Vandals

  22. 22.

    Mustang Bobby

    The Roches do a Noo Yawk-accent version of “Winter Wonderland” that cracks me up. That’s fairly recent, I think.

    If I ever hear “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” again, I’m gonna throw a shoe.

    For the classical side, Gustav Holst did an arrangement of carols called “Christmas Day” that harkens me back to Christmas as a kid and the music coming out of the old Magnavox in our parlor as we put up the tree. Full tilt Currier & Ives, bitches.

  31. 31.

    Bruuuuce

    Best Christmas song that receives no airplay: “Christmas in the Trenches” by John McCutcheon.
    Best song that hits the air: I still like “Christmas Rapping” by the Waitresses.

    Worst Christmas song: Tie between “Grandma Got Run Over…” and “Dominick the Donkey”

    Best Seasonal Music Group: Bellowhead or Belshazzar’s Feast, whichever group Paul Sartin has active in any given Christmas season. This year it looks like both are active; BBC4 had Bellowhead on its Four Sessions, and Belshazzar’s Feast is out on the road this coming week. Here’s that Four Sessions show, which has a whole bunch of wonderful old-fashioned Christmas music and terrific performers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWAsUuXws_Y

  35. 35.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Linnaeus: I was gonna put it in for best song of the last twenty years, which led to a depressing realization and I had to go find my rheumatism medicine.

    another vote for the Waitresses’ Christmas Wrapping, especially as Christmas By Myself This Year is starting to sound pretty good. Not really. Just a little.

  38. 38.

    Elizabelle

    Got to insert an automated singing bear into this thread. It’s facing a noise nuisance complaint in Britain.

    One of its songs is Andy Williams’ “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, which we learned yesterday irks several Balloon Juicers.

    Shefford cafe’s singing polar bear probed over noise

    A six-foot mechanical polar bear that dances and sings Christmas carols is being investigated after a council received a noise complaint.

    Also, might headline writers be more careful with the word “probe” after the CIA torture revelations?

    I had quite a different take on what was happening to this miscreant holiday bear.

  39. 39.

    Cervantes

    “Little Drummer Boy” was originally conceived as a song for a girl with a drum. A few years ago in a Nashville hotel lobby, I saw it done by Jars of Clay — a beautiful, and heart-felt, performance.

  40. 40.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Worst: Tie between “Carol of the Bells” as performed by Tran-Siberian Orchestra and “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney.

    Never heard the former.

    Agree 100% with the latter.

    How is it possible that the man who gave us (along with the late great John Lennon, of course) “Something”, “Michelle”, “Lady Madonna” could come up with such utter crap?

  41. 41.

    coin operated

    @Linnaeus:
    Beat me to it. Chrissie Hynde makes that song work and has to be my favorite ‘new’ Christmas classic.

    Second favorite is a version of “Carol of the Bells” by George Winston.

  43. 43.

    JPL

    For a few years, I did merchandising for a large retail store. I so wanted that Frosty snowman, to melt. I could tune out the other songs but not that one.
    I do like the Holly and the Ivy by Clare college choir.

  45. 45.

    Alex S.

    Yes, to the Paul McCartney song, just horrible. I have to confess that I also like the Mariah Carey song very much.

  47. 47.

    Rosalita

    Cannot stand those fucking dogs barking Jingle Bells, nor Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song.

    Personal favorites or Bruce’s Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Harry Connick’s whole first Christmas CD.

  49. 49.

    scottinnj

    Best – of course, it’s “Christmas with the Devil” by Spinal Tap, especially when turned up to 11.

    More seriously Fiona Apple’s version of Frosty the Snowman is a great (maybe best – though that is a low bar perhaps) version of that song.

    A more interesting choice would actually be what is the second worse since I think “Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” by Sir Paul is hands down the worst (I’ll concede that when you line that up to Hey Jude it’s a wash, lucky for him).

    My vote for 2nd worst is “Do they know it’s Christmas”. It’s incredibly condescending, as a parade of rich, white British musicians over-sing in an effort to make themselves feel better about snorting coke and drinking wine while people on the other side of the world starve to death. “There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas,” Words fail, wankers.

  51. 51.

    Elizabelle

    Yeah, The Killers did a Christmas in Fallujah song that was pretty good a few years ago.

    Did not realize they had a tradition of releasing a Christmas song. Cool.

  52. 52.

    coin operated

    @scottinnj:

    My vote for 2nd worst is “Do they know it’s Christmas”. It’s incredibly condescending, as a parade of rich, white British musicians over-sing in an effort to make themselves feel better about snorting coke and drinking wine while people on the other side of the world starve to death. “There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas,” Words fail, wankers.

    I hadn’t gotten to my worst song yet…but this nails it.

  53. 53.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @scottinnj: What was just as bad was “We are the World”, the US response to that, because we have to jump on the fucking bandwagon.

    Led by the “King of Pop” no less.

  54. 54.

    Keith P

    It’s not Xmas per se, but I despise the Hanukkah Song. Thanksgiving Song is worse but both make morning radio even worse than usual.

  55. 55.

    Bobby Thomson

    I like TSO. And the worst is a tie between Springsteen’s Santa Claus is coming to town and that Band Aid atrocity.

  56. 56.

    Booger

    Best: 1. Fairy Tale of New York, possibly the only Christmas song with scumbag and maggot lyrics;
    2. Fleming & John’s Winter Wonderland/Misty Mountain Hop.
    Worst: That Mariah Carey monstrosity (which would be a great band name)

  58. 58.

    japa21

    Two of my favorites, though seldom heard, are Sinatra’s rendition of “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” and Judy Collins “The Cherry Tree”.

  59. 59.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    Jim Nabors’ Go Tell It on the Mountain is still a favorite here. One of the first songs I tried to transcribe.

    @Randy Khan:

    The version of “The Little Drummer Boy” on the first Very Special Christmas album (Bob Seger was the singer) has to be in contention for worst ever, along with every other version of that song ever sung.

    Even the Jingle Cats’ version? With purrs as the drum line?

  60. 60.

    Suzanne

    I have to say that I think Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” might be my favorite of all time.

  62. 62.

    AliceBlue

    Best: “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight) by the Ramones.

    Worst: “Little Drummer Boy” by the Harry Simeone Chorale and any version of Frosty the Snowman.

  63. 63.

    cmorenc

    One of the best Christmas songs is “Christmas Time’s A-Coming” as done by Emmy Lou Harris, or also by Ricky Skaggs and Family – to me, it evokes the delightful anticipation people feel when they’re coming home from far away to be with family they like at a familiar place they grew up. Unfortunately, the Emmy Lou Harris “video” is not a live performance, just the music – but the Skaggs performance is live, with Skaggs looking longhair hippie-ish as he’s getting older, and surrounded by a wonderfully talented family who are all good singers and musicians.

  64. 64.

    Big ole hound

    Best song. “Go Tell It On the Mountain”. I like the Harry Bellafonte’s version the best.
    Worst song. anything with Chipmonks in the title.

  65. 65.

    HR Progressive

    I’m sorry, I can no longer take you seriously after shitting on the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

  66. 66.

    Matt McIrvin

    There are lots of horrible Christmas songs, but “Simply Having…” actually gets under my skin worse than the ones that are actively trying to be horrible, like “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer,” I think just from its obsessive repetitiveness. It gets the bonus bad points for anything horrible done by Paul McCartney, because you know he’s been capable of better.

    Anderson’s “Sleigh Ride” is the traditional closer whenever Samantha’s concert band does a Christmas concert; it’s basically the winter counterpart of “The Stars And Stripes Forever.” I think Sam can play the French horn parts in her sleep by now.

  68. 68.

    Belafon

    Best Christmas songs: Those I will listen to.
    Worst Christmas songs: Those I won’t listen to.

    This is sort of like talking about everyone’s favorite function to take derivatives of (personally, I like e^x).

  69. 69.

    japa21

    As far as songs you wouldn’t consider a Christmas song, I have heard “Somewhere over the Rainbow” on a couple albums. Have no idea why it would be included.

  73. 73.

    Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)

    I have a series of CDs called Maybe This Christmas that have some great modern Christmas songs on them, including the title track (sung by Rufus Wainwright) and “Sweet Secret Peace” by Neil Finn.

    I have a hard time listening to Mannheim Steamroller’s Christmas album now even though it was a family tradition because it was what my dad wanted to listen to on his last Christmas (2012). We all knew it was his last Christmas but none of us wanted to admit it.

    Poe has the best version of “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” — it’s very low-key and coffeehouse.

  75. 75.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    The last retail job I worked – 13 years ago and counting, thank you Jeebus – I took the Christmas CD that had played from Halloween to New Year’s Eve, open through close, to my local gun range, invited all my co-workers to come out for a New Year’s Day shooting party, and we all put 9mm rounds through it and its case until little pieces of CD dust started to fall out.

    There are just some times in life where you need a gun. Nothing else will do.

  78. 78.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I’d really like for someone to come up with “God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs” which is mentioned in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

    Gary Oldman can sing it!

  79. 79.

    donnah

    Emerson, Lake, and Palmer’s “Father Christmas” is awesome.

    Also, Mahalia Jackson’s version of “O Holy Night” sends shivers down my spine, it’s so beautiful.

  81. 81.

    scav

    For a break from the saccharine, a solid hit of some wassails can help while not breaking seasonal constraints (wondering around demanding drink and foodstuffs in a feast of fools inversion has its appeal. Gower Wassail from Steeleye Span will do, or maybe the Holy and the Ivy although it’s less Wassailly). It’s not Christmas without Joany Bzz on Noel especially Down in Yon Forest – well that and for my current new favorite: John Finnemore’s Get Dressed You Merry Gentlemen (that whole Molokai episode is right up there surplanting Dickens). Baby It’s Cold Outside was creepy even without the current overlay.

  84. 84.

    Matt McIrvin

    My parents had some Sixties Christmas pop compilation LP that they’d haul out and play on the big old console stereo every year. The bits that are burned into my brain most thoroughly are Maurice Chevalier doing “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” (“Zhonny… wants… a… pairrhofsketts”) and Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme’s “Sleigh Ride,” in which Eydie provides harmony by singing “SLEIGH ride!!! SLEIGH ride!!!” all through the verses.

    Utter, unapologetic cheese, but I had a lot of affection for it.

  85. 85.

    NCSteve

    I’m sorry, but you’re all wrong and should be forced to eat cheap nuclear gummy fruit and petroleum industrial fruitcake for your foolishness.

    The best Christmas song is a tie between “The Christmas Song” sung by (and only) Nat and the last movement of Beethoven’s Ninth. The latter fails to win outright because it was appropriated by the holiday rather than being written for it.

    As a child of the 80s, I do still have a soft spot for that song by the Waitresses as well.

    Yes, all overplayed, but it’s Christmas FFS, so get over it because so it goes.

    The worst Christmas songs in the history of recording are, naturally, Country songs: the thankfully rarely played “An Old Christmas Card” by Jim Reeves and the regrettably often played vile yet ear-wormy “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”

  87. 87.

    srv

    It’s Jeb-mentum-mas!

    Jeb Bush announced this morning that he will “actively explore the possibility of running for president of the United States.”

    Bush, 61, said he made the decision over the Thanksgiving holiday in consultation with his family.

    “As a result of these conversations and thoughtful consideration of the kind of strong leadership I think America needs, I have decided to actively explore the possibility of running for President of the United States,” he said in a message posted on Facebook today.

    The early Christmas you people have been waiting for.

    What songs will you sing for Jeb?

  89. 89.

    Uncle Ebeneezer

    My 80’s nostalgia still has me enjoy Billy Squire’s “Christmas Is The Time To Say I Love You.” I also blame it for my liking of Wham’s “Last Christmas.”

    The Fiona cover of Frosty is great.

    The McCartney is the worst because not only is it super-bad, it’s also hella catchy/earworm material.

  90. 90.

    RSR

    Yes, Greg Lake’s I Believe in Father Christmas is a favorite. There’s a recording that I hear on the radio (live? with a symphony?) that I just love, but I haven’t had luck finding it online anywhere.

  91. 91.

    ThresherK

    @Steppan: And so many boomers’ first jazz (even though they didn’t know it at the time).

    “What did I do to deserve this?” category: Listening to Slacker Radio’s “Jazz Christmas”, was subjected to someone’s rendition of The Bell That Wouldn’t Jingle.

    Some compositions are beyond redemption, and that is one of them.

  93. 93.

    GR

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:
    Yes, of course “Baby, Please Come Home” is the best song on A Christmas Gift for You and therefore the best Christmas song ever. Odd that DougJ got the right album but picked the wrong song.

    “Jesus Christ” by Big Star is definitely also in my top five, but I’m not a huge fan of traditional Christmas songs.

  97. 97.

    Cervantes

    @Amir Khalid:

    Is there a bleaker song?

    Bing Crosby’s “I’ll Be Home For Christmas,” 1943.

    Sub-title: “(If Only In My Dreams).”

    The BBC refused to play it.

  98. 98.

    Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)

    Fun fact: “Baby It’s Cold Outside” did not debut in a Christmas movie, but in the Esther Williams vehicle Neptune’s Daughter. Williams sings the traditional version with Ricardo Montalban (in his prime) while Red Skelton does a gender-switched version.

    Why aren’t there more gender-switched versions of that song, BTW? The only one I have has Garrison Keillor singing the woman’s part.

  101. 101.

    Amir Khalid

    I just listened to that Paul McCartney thing, and dear God it’s bloody awful. Had this been produced in earnest rather than as satire, it would have ranked alongside Wonderful Christmas Time as one of the tackiest Christmas songs ever. Andy Williams’ The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year reminds me not so much of Christmas, but rather of the Cigarette-Smoking Man.

  104. 104.

    Cacti

    Worst:

    Traditional – “Silent Night”. I’m so sick of hearing breathy voices full of false wonder singing this tired old tune.

    Modern – “Last Christmas” by Wham. No explanation necessary.

    Best:

    Traditional – “Carol of the Bells” but only sung a cappella by a mixed choir as intended. The human voices mimicking the intonation of church bells is hauntingly beautiful.

    Modern – “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues. Good song about flawed people sticking together through hard times, and sprinkled with humor.

  105. 105.

    Mustang Bobby

    @Cervantes: The original lyrics to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” were also pretty bleak:

    Have yourself a merry little Christmas
    It may be your last
    Next year we may all be living in the past
    Have yourself a merry little Christmas
    Pop that champagne cork
    Next year we may all be living in New York.

    They were re-written before Judy Garland sang them in “Meet Me In St. Louis.” Even then, it’s depressing.

  106. 106.

    Matt McIrvin

    The original words of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” from Meet Me In St. Louis are kind of bleak, about how we’ll “have to muddle through somehow”. It comes at a sad moment in the story, with the characters struggling to pull a little cheer out of the holiday, and in fourth-wall-breaking context it functions as a wartime Christmas song. But today people usually sing it with modified lyrics. I like the original ones.

  108. 108.

    Steeplejack

    @Steppan:

    It’s my sentimental favorite. And I just saw this morning that A Charlie Brown Christmas is going to be on ABC at 8:00 p.m. tonight.

  110. 110.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I do like Elton John’s “Step into Christmas”, which has been mentioned by DougJ yet no one has commented on.

  112. 112.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Mustang Bobby: …That’s right, they were rewritten once even before they appeared in the movie. But even the lyrics in the movie are sadder than what usually gets sung now.

  114. 114.

    low-tech cyclist

    I only found out about The Killers’ Christmas songs last Friday, when my local indie station played their 2006 Christmas song, “A Great Big Sled,” as I was driving to work, and my instant reaction was, “that’s the best new Christmas song from the rock n’ roll era.”

    When I had a moment over the weekend, I googled ‘killers christmas song’ which turned up their 2014 Christmas song, “Joel the Lump of Coal” which is even better.

    I haven’t had a chance to listen to their Christmas songs from 2007 through 2013 yet, but I’m looking forward to it.

  119. 119.

    moderateindy

    Must agree with Natalie Merchant’s Children go where I send Thee
    Very nice harmonies on The Monkees “Riu Chiu” even though I don’t understand a word.
    Gotta love the Ramones , “Merry Christmas I don’t want to fight tonight”
    Blues Traveler “Christmas”

  121. 121.

    JKC

    No, no, no. Worst Christmas song ever is Wham’s “Last Christmas”. Makes me want to punch a radio every time I hear it.

  122. 122.

    Barney

    @Litlebritdifrnt:
    I agree on ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’.

    For a carol, I like “Personent Hodie’ – if given full welly with a loud church organ, and a choir going for maximum volume (and in the original Latin). There are many wimpy versions around.

  123. 123.

    low-tech cyclist

    @Bruuuuce:

    Best Christmas song that receives no airplay: “Christmas in the Trenches” by John McCutcheon.

    That one had slipped my mind; this evening I’ll have to dust that album (Winter Solstice, IIRC) off and put it on the turntable.

    One oddity about the song: it’s about the 1914 “Christmas Truce” which I didn’t realize had been a real event until Google and Wikipedia came along, but McCutcheon places it in 1916 for some reason. (“Two years ago the war was waiting for me after school.”)

    The high commands on both sides ensured that there weren’t any repeats of the 1914 Christmas truce, because they were afraid that if the soldiers started regarding their adversaries as human beings, they might refuse to shoot them.

  124. 124.

    moderateindy

    Almost forgot with the passing of Robin Williams from the movie Toys, “The Closing of the Year”, by Wendy and Lisa, a bit sappy, but nice.

  125. 125.

    NorthLeft12

    I honestly cannot identify a single, or dozen favourite Christmas songs as I would have a difficult time paring a list down below fifty.Yeah, I love Christmas music.

    But the worst? I agree with the Paul McCartney song as the worst, although Andy Williams’ “the most wonderful time of the year” is damn close. I am not including any of those novelty [usually are horrible] songs that are supposed to be amusing.

  127. 127.

    srv

    Can’t find an old version of this, but it works:

    Santa’s Got The Christmas Blues

    And for history – Christmas Rappin’ by Kurtis Blow:

    “Christmas Rappin” was the first Rap song released on a major label. Kurtis recorded this with the help of producers Robert Ford and J.B. Moore. They took it to Mercury Records, who signed Kurtis to a 2-single deal, under the condition that If both singles were successful, he would get an album deal. “Christmas Rappin'” was the first single, and it did very well. The second single was “The Breaks,” and it became the first rap song to be certified as a gold record, selling over 500,000 copies. Kurtis got the album deal and became the first rapper signed to a major label.

    Every Christmas, this would sell more copies. After eight years, it went gold. In an interview Kurtis Blow explained, “J.B. Moore wrote the first half of the song, the Christmas part. I did all of the party part, the second half of the song. I wrote all of that on a train ride down to the studio around Christmas time.” Kurtis’ first album contained the second half of this, a song called “Rappin’ Blow, Part 2.” The R&B group Next sampled this on their song “Too Close,” which was a huge hit in 1998. It was #1 in the US for 5 weeks.

    Kurt Walker better known by his stage name Kurtis Blow, is an American rapper and record producer. He is one of the first commercially successful rappers and the first to sign with a major record label. “The Breaks”, a single from his 1980 eponymous debut album, is the first certified gold record rap song.

  131. 131.

    low-tech cyclist

    @catclub:

    Advent Police, represent.

    I always hated it when the (Episcopal) priest wouldn’t allow Christmas hymns to be sung in church during Advent.

    For one thing, there are lots of good Christmas carols in the hymnbook, but not many good Advent hymns. There’s “O Come Emmanuel” which is great, but that’s the only one that comes to mind.

    So no Advent police for me, thanks.

  135. 135.

    Mike in NC

    @srv: Oh, we are not worthy of Jebeneezer Bush, but this should surprise approximately nobody. Question is, how many other sociopaths in the GOP will feel obligated to announce before the end of the year? Newt? Trump? Lindsey Graham?

  140. 140.

    gogol's wife

    @Cervantes:

    I just heard Little Anthony sing that one in the bank while standing in line (I was standing in line, not Little Anthony).

    Every year I recommend the John Waters Christmas album. My husband won’t let me play it any more.

    I’m listening to the St. Matthew Passion to get into the spirit.

  144. 144.

    Joel Hanes

    Greatest :
    “O Holy Night” by any baritone who can really do it right
    “O Come O Come Emmanuel” arr. Rutter centuries of longing and oppression in a minor key build toward beauty
    “For Unto Us A Son Is Born” from the Messiah

    Hon. Mention
    “Coventry Carol” by John Denver spare, unadorned grief for the innocents slain by Herod

    Worst:
    “Holly Jolly Christmas” Burl Ives toxic combination of material and performer
    Anything by Percy Faith music from which all meaning has been carefully removed

    yes, I’m a sentimental fool

  145. 145.

    Hawes

    Best: Pogues “Christmas In New York”, I listen to that all year.

    Best traditional: “O Come All Ye Faithful” – Love singing that at the end of Lessons and Carols

    Worst: Wham, sweet fancy Moses, Wham. Dishonorable mention: Grandma Got Run Over…

    Worst traditional: Jingle Bells. Seriously, shut the fuck up kid, you don’t know how to sing..

  149. 149.

    tybee

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    been a long time since i’ve thought about that one.
    the B side of the 45 was the same song, played backwards.

    how about john denver’s “please daddy don’t get drunk this christmas”?

  151. 151.

    scav

    @catclub: Ok, but le’s in no way muddle the Twelve Days with Advent. Advent is getting there, no decorations traditionally present if you’re of certain traditions. Fun with Candles for some and various sort of calendary things for the upbeat and chocolate inclined. Baking is licit, if not encouraged. The broad minded and lucky can sneak in some extra gifts on St. Nicholas’ day — Dec 6th. Twelve Days are after. These are when the tree is in the house, again for those of the German persuasion at least. All those Thanksgiving trees are rather baffling, and usually dessicated, odorless and needle-deficient by the day itself.

  152. 152.

    PurpleGirl

    Haven’t figured out a favorite modern Christmas song.

    However the one that I abso-fucking-lutely Hate (with the heat of a 1 million suns) is Christmas Shoes.

    In small doses (like once a season) I can listen to Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

  154. 154.

    JasonF

    Darlene Love’s Christmas, Baby Please Come Home is unambiguously the best Christmas song. Anybody who says otherwise has poor aesthetic judgment.

    The Pogues’ Fairytale of New York is a close second.

    I’m also partial to the Ramones’ Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight). It’s so humble in its sentiment — while everyone else is wishing for peace on earth and good will toward all men, Joey Ramone merely wants one night of peace with one person.

    2000 miles by the Pretenders is also wonderful.

  155. 155.

    chopper

    anything off the vandals’ christmas record, really. especially ‘christmas time for my penis’.

  157. 157.

    ixnay

    Santa Clause – Go Straight to the Ghetto, Christmas in Hollis, Run, Run, Rudolph, Guarald, Ella’s Swinging Christmas, and any competent performance of anything form the Oxford book of 100 Carols for Choirs. Chrissie Hynde’s cover of Have Yourself a Merry… is pretty damn good too. Frank Sinatra was responsible for the ‘highest star’ line in stead on the much better ‘muddling through’ original.

    My favorite Christmas story: It involves Mel Torme

    http://www.newsfromme.com/pov/col245/

  158. 158.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    I was blissfully unaware of Christmas Shoes until this thread. So thank you for that. I’m tempted to log in to you tube to taunt the Jeebus freaks about the little taker whose parents were irresponsible enough to reproduce and then get sick without properly preparing for misfortune. Also the idea that god drove a family in to illness and poverty to remind a Christian bleater of the true meaning of Christmas.

  159. 159.

    Steeplejack

    @Melissa:

    Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen
    Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon
    Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen
    Ronald Reagan, Bush and Clinton

  160. 160.

    ixnay

    Oh yeah, worst is a long list. One of many, O Holy Night, for pure scenery chewing awfulness. A friend with a filthy mind thinks the ‘Fall on your knees’ part is pretty cool.

  162. 162.

    mai naem mobile

    I was gonna say Billy Squire’s Christmas is a Time to Say I love You but I see somebody’s already mentioned it so I’ll add in Boney Ms Mary’s Boy Child. Its also the only song that has a bit of calypso music.
    Wost song – the Eagles Please Come Home For Xmas.
    John Lennons War is Over always makes me melancholy. So does the ELP song. I have no idea why.

  163. 163.

    Capri

    I’ve been fascinated by the sheer range of celebrities – A list to Z list- that have put out Christmas albums. I began collecting the oddest of them several years ago and have Christmas albums by the likes of the Olsen Twins, the Duck Dynasty clan and Regis Philbin. My prize possession is” Hung for the Holidays” featuring the not-so-dulcit tones of William Hung whose sole reason for celebrity was being terrible in an American Idol audition.

    I haven’t listened to any of these because any collector knows that removing the outer wrap decreases their value. Also, I don’t think you have to actually listen to them to know that they are terrible.

  164. 164.

    Jacel

    If you haven’t treated yourself to albums or San Francisco area performances by The Christmas Jug Band (sometimes fronted by Dan Hicks), go for it!
    http://www.christmasjugband.com

    In a similar vein, Brave Combo’s album “It’s Christmas, Man!” is wonderful, including the only rendition of “The Little Drummer Boy” that I can abide.

    As to Christmas Songs That Aren’t Really Christmas Songs, a holiday music box set included a song called “Walkin’ In The Snow” by Hank Penny and Sue Thompson that I still can’t figure out. Is it a tale of sweet reconciliation or a murder ballad?

  166. 166.

    dance around in your bones

    My favorite has always been Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses. I see NCSteve and Greg got there before me, but I have a LINK!

    One of the best 80’s bands, IMHO.

    eta: Oh, and the worst song? That ‘Let them know it’s Christmastime’ dreck, because not everybody on the fucking planet celebrates Xmas.

  167. 167.

    Matt McIrvin

    I always kind of liked “Do You Hear What I Hear?”, and it affects me more now that I’ve heard the story of how it was written.

    (It was inspired by the authors seeing people pushing baby carriages around during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and thinking about what it would take to raise children in the shadow of nuclear annihilation. “Pray for peace, people everywhere” is a desperate plea for survival; the “mighty king” corresponds to no particular Biblical figure because they were really thinking of Kennedy and Khrushchev.)

  168. 168.

    dance around in your bones

    Oops, and Seanly too. That’ll teach me to comment before reading the whole thread.

    Anybody else I missed? I just want to say you have excellent taste in bands.

  170. 170.

    Amir Khalid

    @Capri:
    You’ll be glad to know William Hung is out of the music business now. He is working for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department as a technical analyst.

  172. 172.

    brantl

    Paul McSuchney’s Wonderful Christmastime sucks crap through an 8 inch pipe. Lennon’s So this is Christmas is a thing of beauty. I think Imagine is my favorite song to hear at Christmas, though.

  173. 173.

    Matt McIrvin

    …OK, I think my parents had the sixth “Goodyear Great Songs of Christmas” from the following year as well, because I also remember several of the tracks on that one. Andy Williams doing “Do You Hear What I Hear?” and the Steve & Eydie “Let It Snow,” which is just as gloriously cheeseball as their “Sleigh Ride”.

    The other volumes’ track lists don’t look familiar to me.

  174. 174.

    Central Planning

    I agree with Christmas Shoes being the worst Christmas song.

    I like a couple of Harry Connick Christmas songs – (It Must’ve Been Ol’) Santa Claus and I Pray on Christmas. They are both kinda jazzy and upbeat.

  178. 178.

    Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)

    @dance around in your bones:

    I think we may have a generational difference here, because that song still makes me tear up almost as much as it did when I was 14 and it first came out. As a kid being raised in a mostly white suburb right after Reagan’s landslide re-election, the idea that I should give to people other than my family at the holidays was pretty mind-blowing. Sounds silly now, but it’s true.

    The song is telling clueless privileged people everywhere to wake up to the world around them which, again, was pretty mind-blowing for sheltered 80s kids to hear.

    (You could complain that it was the start of slacktivism — buy this product to help charity! — and I can’t really argue against that. Still, new concept when I was a teenager.)

  180. 180.

    dance around in your bones

    @Mnemosyne (iPad Mini):

    I hear what you are saying, but to me it was just really presumptuous that we should give at Christmas because “Do they know it’s Christmas?” Well, hell no, they probably don’t. And if we feel the impulse to give, it shouldn’t be dependent on one particular day that is (variably) important to US….. it should be any old time of the year, not necessarily a holiday that only Christians observe.

    I guess it IS a generational thing. because I always hated that Coke commercial “I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony” so we could all buy Coke as good little consumers.

    As you may have guessed, I hate advertising and avoid it as much as I can.

  181. 181.

    Susan

    Best Christmas song: I want you with me Christmas by Jesse Belvin.

    Or

    Please Come home for Christmas Johnney Winter

    Best Christmas album Even Santa Gets the Blues

    Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Darlene Love is also very good.

  182. 182.

    Randy Khan

    @Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism:

    @Randy Khan:

    The version of “The Little Drummer Boy” on the first Very Special Christmas album (Bob Seger was the singer) has to be in contention for worst ever, along with every other version of that song ever sung.

    Even the Jingle Cats’ version? With purrs as the drum line?

    Haven’t heard that one, so perhaps it’s not as awful as every other version I know. And, you know, cats.

  184. 184.

    MaryRC

    Not exactly Christmas, but if “Sleigh Ride” can make it on the list here, so can Darlene Love’s “Winter Wonderland” as my favorite.

    Others for best song: Rise Stevens singing “O Come, O Come, Emanuel”; Mahalia Jackson singing “O Holy Night”; Charles Brown’s version of “Merry Christmas, Baby”. Lady Antebellum’s upbeat version of “Blue Christmas” (Elvis is too lugubrious). The Beach Boys’ “Little Saint Nick”.

    Worse songs: the aforementioned “Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” and Andy Williams’ “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” have been mentioned multiple times and justifiably so. I would like to add John and Yoko’s “Happy Christmas War is Over”. Jeez, what a dirge. And those kids going “Aah-aah aah-aah” just set my teeth on edge.

  185. 185.

    OGLiberal

    I love all Christmas songs so will only be naming faves. (well, I don’t think I’ve heard any Trans Siberian Railroad – have a feeling I’d hate it)

    “Fairytale of New York” – Pogues/Kirsty Macoll
    “God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman/We Three Kings” – Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McClachlan
    “Merry Christmas, Darling” – The Carpenters
    “Nutcracker Suite” – Brian Setzer Orchestra
    “Christmas Time is Here” (instrumental) – Vince Guaraldi Trio
    “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” – F**ked Up & Friends (Bob Mould, David Cross, Tegan & Sara, etc….like the original as well)

  186. 186.

    cckids

    @japa21: Same goes with “My Favorite Things” from the Sound of Music. It is on all kinds of Christmas albums & I have never understood why. I mean, there isn’t even a mention of anything Xmas-y in the listings of faves.

  187. 187.

    cckids

    @Mnemosyne (iPad Mini):

    Why aren’t there more gender-switched versions of that song, BTW?

    I generally hate, hate Baby Its Cold Outside, but there’s a rather sweet version from Glee, with the Kurt & Blaine singing it (the gay teen couple, for those not into Glee)

  189. 189.

    Tree With Water

    Sorry folks. But I consider the Xmas season to officially begin when I hear Brenda Lee rocking ’round the Xmas tree, and I haven’t heard her yet. Xmas may have to be postponed this year. Again, my regrets.

  190. 190.

    Thlayli

    “Santa Claus and His Old Lady” by Cheech & Chong.

    Not that I like the song, but you have to give some credit to Tori Amos for the only recording I’ve ever heard of “The Little Drummer Boy” with no drums .

  192. 192.

    Bitter Scribe

    Best Christmas carol that isn’t really a carol: “Winter Wonderland.” People are always surprised when I tell them that Christmas or the holidays aren’t mentioned at all in the lyrics.

  193. 193.

    Splitting Image

    Big Star: “Jesus Christ”
    Loreena McKennitt: “In Praise of Christmas” (“To Drive the Cold Winter Away” is the greatest Christmas album ever.)
    Pogues: “Fairy Tale of New York”
    Stan Freberg: “Green Chri$tma$”
    Weird Al Yankovic: “Christmas at Ground Zero”
    Lambert, Hendricks & Ross: “Deck Us All With Boston Charlie”
    Vince Guaraldi Trio: “Christmastime is Here”

    The best recent Christmas song I’ve heard is Twisted Sister’s “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”

    The worst songs are basically all of the ones they play over and over again in the malls. All of them, even the good ones, get killed through overplay.

  194. 194.

    NeenerNeener

    @dan: Yes, “River”, by Joni Mitchell!

    I’m also partial to any instrumental version of the little-known “Some Children See Him”.

  195. 195.

    Snarkworth

    Don’t like Christmas “songs”. Only Christmas carols/traditional.

    Well, with the exception of “Deck Us All With Boston Charlie,” of course.

  196. 196.

    Bobby Thomson

    Do They Know It’s Christmas isn’t culturally insensitive because of course Africans don’t know it’s Christmas. It’s condescending because they do. Noel, the Paque, and Pentecost are all big holidays. All pale next to New Year’s, which is effectively Happy Birthday for lots of folks.

  197. 197.

    Bonnie

    The best Christmas song ever is “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby tied with “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms also tied with “Blue Christmas” by Elvis. And, no one can sing any of these songs as well as the originals.

    The worst Christmas song ever is ANYTHING sung by The Chipmunks and running a close second is “All I want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey.

  198. 198.

    Bonnie

    Best classical Christmas music is Christmas Goes Baroque by the CSSR State Phiharmonic Orchestra, Peter Breiner

  200. 200.

    Curt

    I’ve worked at Gap for a few years, and from time to time they’ve done a decent job of stirring into the usual Xmas dreck something I might never have heard otherwise that seems fitting but is not so directly related to the holiday season. My favorites are:

    Incredible Moses Leroy, “Christmas in the Summertime”
    Club 8, “Love in December”
    Dean Wareham & Britta Phillips, “Ginger Snaps”
    My Morning Jacket, “One Big Holiday”
    Low, “Just Like Christmas”
    Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson, “Winter Song”
    Still Flyin’, “St. Veit”

    I’m coming in so late to this, I may repost it on the next relevant thread, and might think of something good I left off by then.

  201. 201.

    Michele

    Best songs:
    The Christmas Song, sung by Nat King Cole (and thank you Mel Torme!)
    Santa Claus is Coming to Town, sung by Bruce and the E Street Band
    The duet of Bing Crosby and David Bowie on The Little Drummer Boy and Peace on Earth
    so beautifully sung by both

  202. 202.

    agorabum

    @ixnay: Christmas in Hollis and also the source for those trumpets, Clarence Carter’s ‘backdoor santa’ which is great in its own right

  203. 203.

    Jacel

    @Bonnie: Agree with the “Christmas Goes Baroque” choice, along with the sequel (same title with Roman numeral II). I think Breiner also arranged a Baroque-style Beatles album, more satisfying than the “Baroque Beatles Book” LP Joshua Riffkin created in the 60’s.

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