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Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

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Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Democrats have delivered the Square Deal, the New Deal, the Fair Deal, and now… the Big Joe Biden Deal.

I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.

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When we show up, we win.

Consistently wrong since 2002

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

FFS people, this was a good thing. take the win.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Trump makes a mockery of the legal system and cowardly judges just sit back and let him.

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

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People are weird.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Another missed opportunity for Jamie Dimon to just shut the fuck up.

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It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

I was confident that someone would point it out and thought why not me.

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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Dog Blogging / It’s Always the Quiet Ones You Have To Watch Out For

It’s Always the Quiet Ones You Have To Watch Out For

by John Cole|  March 15, 20177:49 pm| 122 Comments

This post is in: Dog Blogging

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So since I moved here, I have had a problem with a stealth shitter crapping on the hardwood floors. I was absolutely convinced it was Thurston, because I have caught him get excited and piss before. Rosie was my second thought because her hips hurt and she sometimes does not want to walk outside. But I couldn’t know for sure, and since I free feed the dogs, I couldn’t put different colored crayon shavings in the food for each dog and identify it that way, as one of you suggested.

So I bought a cheap surveillance camera, hooked it up to my wifi and set it up to send me push alerts whenever it detected motion. And just a few minutes ago, I caught the perpetrator red-pawed:

So now I get to teach an old dog a new trick.

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Previous Post: « Turn and face the strange
Next Post: Open Thread: It Only Looked Easy »

Reader Interactions

122Comments

  1. 1.

    Teddys Person

    March 15, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    Say it ain’t so Lilly.

  2. 2.

    Jay Noble

    March 15, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    awwww

  3. 3.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    I bet Lily wiretapped Trump too.

  4. 4.

    columbusqueen

    March 15, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    Well, damn. Lily, you bad, bad girl. But knowing John, is she really going to pay for this?

  5. 5.

    Sandia Blanca

    March 15, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    That made me chuckle! She doesn’t look THAT ashamed.

  6. 6.

    Kathmandu513

    March 15, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Not Miss Lily!

  7. 7.

    zhena gogolia

    March 15, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Poor sweetie. I wonder if she’s stressed by moving.

  8. 8.

    Mnemosyne

    March 15, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    Somebody is not happy about the move, I guess.

    Also, I am commenting courtesy of Disneyworld’s free wi-fi. We’re waiting to get on the Dumbo ride, where they give you a pager and put you in an indoor playground to wait. Yes, there are clown pictures.

  9. 9.

    Aleta

    March 15, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    @zhena gogolia: yeah. Everything she had memorized is out of place and it’s hard to navigate.

  10. 10.

    Singing Truth to Power

    March 15, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    I bet Rosie told her it would be ok –

  11. 11.

    Kay (not the front pager)

    March 15, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    I probably should have commented in that thread. In my experience, the most human-bonded, affectionate pet, dog or cat, is the one most upset by new surroundings. She’s probably suffering from anxiety. I had this problem with one of our cats, and we finally solved it with kitty prozac. The other thing you might want to do is have her checked out for a health issue. Obviously, that will come first, before any anti-anxiety medication.

    I hope you get her problem, whatever it is, resolved quickly. It’s really hard on a relationship between human & pet.

  12. 12.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    March 15, 2017 at 8:01 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Yes, there are clown pictures.

    Have you called Children’s Protective Services?

  13. 13.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 15, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    D’awwwww always good to see Lily, even under these circumstances.

  14. 14.

    debbie

    March 15, 2017 at 8:04 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    How is your knee?

  15. 15.

    p.a.

    March 15, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    Lily: “Did you even think to consult with me before this move??!! Alpha male my ass.”

  16. 16.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 15, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Yes, there are clown pictures.

    Please don’t tell Omnes or Miss Bianca. I don’t react as violently as they do, and mostly I adore Dumbo, but damn, those clowns freak me right the fuck out.

  17. 17.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    Lily and Steve are expressing their feelings about the move. Do. Not. Want. Take us back. This new place smells weird.

  18. 18.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 15, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    I think John should have done a smudging-cleansing ceremony before he moved in. It’s probably not too late even now, but Lily and Steve may require a bit of retraining. (I don’t even want to speculate about Rosie and Thurston.)

  19. 19.

    humboldtblue

    March 15, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Yup.

    New joint don’t smell the same, can’t piss in a familiar spot and it smells funny. Did I mention it doesn’t smell like home?

  20. 20.

    Anne Laurie

    March 15, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    @zhena gogolia:

    Poor sweetie. I wonder if she’s stressed by moving.

    See, this is part of the reason why small dogs are notoriously hard to housebreak… nobody says “poor sweetie” when the 80lb retriever shits on the hardwood floor…

    I live with a 15lb rescue who’s an inveterate stealth indoor pisser — it took me a full year to retrain him into shitting outside, mostly, unless the weather’s particularly bad or he’s feeling really stressed. And a significant part of the problem is that the Spousal Unit, who brought the little bastid into our house in the first place without asking, thinks Poor Little Sydney can’t help but ‘mark’ every surface he can reach, because he’s so highly strung. Not as highly as I’d like to string both of them, after I’ve had to break out the enzyme cleaners yet again…

    P.S. from Lily: John doesn’t yell at those two nearly often enough, anyways!

  21. 21.

    JPL

    March 15, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    I have another theory.. Lily knows she can do no wrong, so why not. Of course, she didn’t know the dog boss would put up cameras.

  22. 22.

    TheMightyTrowel

    March 15, 2017 at 8:20 pm

    Hey since this is a pet thread I have a question about dogs. I’m a cat person, but I’m reading a book in which the care of a jointly owned dog is a key feature and there’s a lot of talk about the dog’s crate. I realised reading this book that I’ve never met a non-American who crates their dogs, but I’ve met a lot of Americans who do. What is up with that? I mean, why do people do the crate training thing? Is it good practice? If so, why don’t non-Americans do it too?

  23. 23.

    WaterGirl

    March 15, 2017 at 8:21 pm

    Just look at that face. I hope you’ve already forgive Lily. She loves you so much.

  24. 24.

    monoglot

    March 15, 2017 at 8:21 pm

    Vet visit time.

    When my brother’s older dog began to pee inside, a vet suggested a different food. I thought he was crazy, but within a couple of months of the new–not even prescription food–the inside peeing stopped.

    Otherwise, yes, retraining (yourself as much as the Lil).

  25. 25.

    Greenergood

    March 15, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    Oh poor Lily – be merciful, John, because she’s a lovely old soul, and old pets test us in ways that are different from the ways that humans (esp. old humans) test us ..

  26. 26.

    JPL

    March 15, 2017 at 8:26 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel: I’m not sure that I can answer, because until my last mutt, I never used a crate. Finch was used to sleeping in a secure area, so I purchased a crate. He likes it. It’s his dog house. I don’t shut the door of the crate, and have comfy blankets for him to sleep on.

  27. 27.

    WaterGirl

    March 15, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    P.S. Lily has rolled with everything you’ve thrown at her, new dogs, new cats, puppies, pups that were in her pack and then left. Clearly this move was a bridge too far. Or maybe the lady friend pushed her over the edge. She’s been #1 for forever, no matter who was added to her household.

    And Cole, when was the last time you did your morning routine with Lily? Who’s the best doggie? Who’s the best doggie? It may seem counterintuitive, but I think she needs lots of love and snuggles instead of getting mad at her.

    The shaming photo is adorable, however.

  28. 28.

    JPL

    March 15, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    @WaterGirl: lol She has him wrapped around her paw. I hope you have time to comment more, btw.

  29. 29.

    hovercraft

    March 15, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    Aww, look at that face, this is your fault, forcing her into a big beautiful home, apologize now and she’ll stop doing it. Just say you’re sorry John.

    @Mnemosyne:
    How’s the knee holding up?

  30. 30.

    greennotGreen

    March 15, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel: I always thought crate training was cruel, used by people who cared more about their carpet than they did a living, breathing creature. But then I started feeding my many dogs in crates because some have meds, some have special diets, and some would eat their own and everyone else’s food if given the chance. So now that crates are always out, sometimes I find a dog in there just snoozing.

    Dogs live in dens. They like enclosed spaces where they feel secure. I probably should have crate trained each of mine as they came into my household; then I wouldn’t have so much mopping to do.

  31. 31.

    WaterGirl

    March 15, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    @JPL: Thank you! The 70-80 hour weeks are now over. Now the agreement with the new client is that when I hit 40 hours in one week, I just stop. So I get my life back, just like that! :-)

  32. 32.

    rikyrah

    March 15, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    Not Lily…

    BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    Glad the mystery is solved.

  33. 33.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym

    March 15, 2017 at 8:36 pm

    So, I’m headed to Michigan in a couple of weeks to watch the IIHF Women’s World Championships (it’s also a chance to spend time with my parents). Unfortunately, Team USA may not be making the same trip USA Hockey, at least on the women’s side, is run by complete clowns, and I know from talking with the parents of a couple of players that there’s more going on here than just a wage dispute. Hockey USA has said that they will field a team regardless, presumably scrounging up some other college players who agree to go, but, if there is no settlement, I’ll be boycotting the Team USA games.

    Enjoy your gold medal, Canada.

  34. 34.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 8:36 pm

    @WaterGirl: Yay, you negotiated a Balloon Juice clause!

  35. 35.

    Patricia Kayden

    March 15, 2017 at 8:40 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Clown pictures? Can you never escape Trump?

  36. 36.

    Nicole

    March 15, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel: It’s something that’s come about over the last decade or so- when I was growing up in the 1970s-1980s, no one I knew crated a dog. No one cleaned up after their dogs poop, either, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing.

    I think the theory behind crating a dog is that they feel safer in a small area. Dogs get accused of “punishing” their owners when the owner is out of the house and the dog chews up shoes, wallpaper, poops, etc., but it’s not maliciousness; it’s anxiety. So by crating them, they’re in a small space where they feel safe, and, also, can’t do any destructive behaviors on the home. Dogs sleep a lot of the time, anyway, so as long as they’re not being left in there for most of the day, they’re usually fine.

    And it varies dog to dog. Ours is a regular Nervous Nelly about a lot of things, but she’s not destructive when we’re out of the apartment, so we don’t crate her when we’re gone. She has access to her crate and often sleeps in there during the day, but we only lock her in when someone afraid of dogs comes to visit (she’s frantic for human attention and likes to climb into the laps of visitors). But my beloved schnauzer from the 1970s-1980s would probably have been better off being crated when we were out, as many of my childhood toys could attest to.

    Now, keeping our current dog off the couch, that’s a different story, filled with failure. ;)

  37. 37.

    Barbara

    March 15, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    @Kay (not the front pager): My dog “best friend” always became anxious with moving and chewed the furniture. I changed our routine so that I walked and played with him before leaving for any length of time and that worked wonders.

  38. 38.

    burnspbesq

    March 15, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    Guardian is live-blogging the Dutch election. Looks like big sigh of relief is the order of the day.

  39. 39.

    WaterGirl

    March 15, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    @Baud: I had to… I missed everyone!

    It was a long 3 months of crazy hours, but in 3 more weeks my new porch will be completely paid off.

  40. 40.

    Nicole

    March 15, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    John I second (and third) those who suggest a trip to the vet. I don’t think it’s anything serious, but she’s getting older and maybe needs a different diet, or scheduled meals. Our rescue pooch out of nowhere started pooping on the hardwood floor while we were asleep and for us the solution was moving her dinner two hours later so it didn’t have enough time to get through her system before morning.

  41. 41.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    @WaterGirl: Good, cuz we missed you.

  42. 42.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    A judge in Hawaii has blocked Travel Ban 2.0

  43. 43.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 15, 2017 at 8:51 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Yay!!

  44. 44.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Do you really think smudging and cleaning the dog will help??

  45. 45.

    Mike J

    March 15, 2017 at 8:55 pm

    Shitty workplaces are shitty because the people in charge want them to be shitty.
    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/03/trump-white-house-paranoia-236069

    A culture of paranoia is consuming the Trump administration, with staffers increasingly preoccupied with perceived enemies — inside their own government.
    …
    “People are scared,” he said, adding that the Trump White House had become “a pretty hostile environment to work in.”

  46. 46.

    Another Scott

    March 15, 2017 at 8:56 pm

    I agree that’s it’s probably still getting used to the new surroundings and the stress of not being “home”.

    But, doggies have very, very sensitive noses, also too. Does it happen in a particular room? Does it match up with a particularly bad pre-renovation area?

    Did your pack meet Walter? If so, did they get along OK? Or was there any stressful interaction there? Although it might seem unlikely to us, they she might still smell him and might not like being in his territory.

    Our Sophie gets along with all kinds of dogs when she’s at “playtime” at Dogtopia. But she’s very protective and ferocious if Odin, halfway down the block, comes anywhere near our yard. She has arguments with him in the morning – barking and waiting for him to bark back. No telling how she’d react if he were actually in her house!!

    Just throwing this stuff out there. Doggies can be complex sometimes. There could be lots of possibilities. I hope you get it figured out so that she doesn’t feel the need to act out this way any more.

    Good luck!

    Cheers,
    Scott.
    (Who has a neighbor whose previous old 70# female dog would crap on his pillow when she was upset with him, so count your blessings!)

  47. 47.

    Aleta

    March 15, 2017 at 8:57 pm

    Has Thurston’s behavior changed with the move, affecting her some way, maybe when she’s in the yard. Or would she feel the yard is not safe territory yet for her to mark? Or is her vision or brain foggy, so the number of new routes are intimidating.

  48. 48.

    sempronia

    March 15, 2017 at 8:57 pm

    can we have post-groomer Steve pics?

  49. 49.

    debit

    March 15, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    I was so sure it was Thurston. Poor Lily. Chloe used to poop indoors, but only because she had a thing where she wouldn’t do anything until she ate her breakfast. I’d let her out, and she’d cry at the door and scamper around the step until I let her back in. Once I made her stay out there for a half an hour. But no, she held it until after she ate. And sometimes while she was eating.

    I love small, quirky dogs but never again. Give me a big old lab any day.

  50. 50.

    Ruckus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel:
    I bought a crate to take home my rescue cocker because I didn’t have a clue if he like/hated car rides and at the time I owned a cargo van. Lots of room for a dog to get into trouble while I’m driving. Put it in the van, the dog jumped in and walked right into the crate. After that I went in a storage area, a nice quiet dark place. When he wanted space he go there and walk into the crate and sleep. The theory is that it is a quiet space that belongs to them alone. I have no idea why or if other countries don’t use crates. It may be that in a lot of places it’s just one more thing to take up space that is rare or being used.

  51. 51.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:04 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel: It allows people who do not have a yard, and who are gone for hours and hours every day, to have a dog, if they are willing to put their selfish desires ahead of the animal’s welfare. Before imprisoning the poor critter in a crate for a straight 14 hours became acceptable, such people would just think, “Darn, my schedule doesn’t allow for proper care of a dog” and go get a cat.

    Dog crates do have legitimate uses, but routine lengthy confinement is not one of them. Routine lengthy confinement and the number of dog shrinks have risen in tandem. I think this is unlikely to be coincidental. (Before dog imprisonment became socially acceptable dog shrinks were almost unheard of.)

  52. 52.

    Paula

    March 15, 2017 at 9:04 pm

    Well, now at least you know. Good luck! You’ll get it resolved.

  53. 53.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    @sempronia: Steve is probably hiding.

  54. 54.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel: Ruckus just cited a legitimate use of a dog crate.

  55. 55.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    My dogs always detested crates.

  56. 56.

    Ruckus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    @Another Scott:
    Someone here commented that his cat had pulled back the covers, taken a shit and pulled the covers back over it, so it was only found when the owner went to bed. He said he was pissed off but had to admire the thought process of the cat and If I remember correctly had to keep from laughing about it.

  57. 57.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    March 15, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: I’m sure the Dolt 45 will sign an EO banning Hawaiians.

  58. 58.

    Ian

    March 15, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    @Mike J:

    “People are scared,” he said, adding that the Trump White House had become “a pretty hostile environment to work in.”

    Good. Fuck them for being amoral assholes who would work for such a man.

  59. 59.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    I don’t understand why Cole has such trouble housebreaking his dogs. He’s been complaining about someone or other pooping on the floor ever since he began collecting them (dogs, not poops). Before the floors are ruined, he might want to consider having a dog trainer look at the situation.

  60. 60.

    James Hare

    March 15, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    But when does John begin to wonder how much Lily has been getting away with over the years since she looks sweet and innocent?

  61. 61.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: And blame Obama!

  62. 62.

    JPL

    March 15, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    @Pogonip: I think that’s unfair. As I pointed out earlier, Finch uses the crate as his bed with the door open. I also know about a mutt that was extremely destructive when the owners were away. He was returned several times to animal shelters. My sister-in-law finally adopted him, and after several cushions being torn, and ready to return him, I suggested a crate. Guess what, he’s pretty happy in his forever home. Sometimes dogs just need a safe space.

    also.. they can be misused, but often they are not.. just sayin

  63. 63.

    PaulW

    March 15, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    it had to be somebody feeling uncomfortable in a new home. no matter how they behaved on the outside, inwardly they were saying “why did you move us, Hooman?”

  64. 64.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    March 15, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: Of course, that’s SOP.

  65. 65.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    @Baud: You have dogs? I always pictured you as a kitteh purrson.

  66. 66.

    WaterGirl

    March 15, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    @Baud: Oh, good, I was afraid you might have forgotten me! :-)

  67. 67.

    Mary G

    March 15, 2017 at 9:14 pm

    The prefinished hardwood floors are a lot easier to clean than the carpet you had in your rental, no? Poor little Lily, don’t yell at her. Those eyes would make me forgive a lot.

  68. 68.

    SFBayAreaGal

    March 15, 2017 at 9:14 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: I used to like clowns, then I saw the clown in Poltergeist.

  69. 69.

    Ruckus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    @Pogonip:
    I lived and worked in the same place and the dog was with me all the time except when I went to the store. And I never closed the door to the crate, which is what I think a lot of people do. It was just his space, and he only went there on his own. Otherwise he followed me from room to room even if he could see me from the room I just came from. He’d even wake up from a sound sleep and follow me around. He never slept at night in the crate, only occasionally during the day.
    I agree about the pet thing, if you can’t be assed to take care of them and have to just leave them alone for the entire day, I think you shouldn’t have a dog or even a cat. Fish are no problem.

  70. 70.

    trollhattan

    March 15, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    “I apologize if anyone took offense at my understandable defecation on any floor surface, be it comfy rug or un-asked for polished wood.”
    #LilyisaRepublicanNow

  71. 71.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    @Ruckus: In “Secrets of the Cat,” (highly recommended), Barbara Holland tells the story of a scrupulous litter-box user who jumped into the sink and peed on the carrots Barbara was peeling. Barbara pursues the fleeing cat–to the overflowing litter box, which she had forgotten to clean out. She wrote, and I agree, that the cat had reasoned out a way to get her to come to the box and see she had forgotten it.

  72. 72.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:15 pm

    @WaterGirl: We missed you.

    Has anyone heard from Purplegirl in NYC? She hasn’t commented in a while.

  73. 73.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Too late.

  74. 74.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: Dog person.

    @WaterGirl: Hardly. But I’m used to you taking breaks from this place.

  75. 75.

    WaterGirl

    March 15, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    @James Hare: How dare you besmirch Lily’s good name! Pistols at dawn!

  76. 76.

    WaterGirl

    March 15, 2017 at 9:19 pm

    @Baud: My life has to get pretty crazy for me to go away. Working this much has been tiring and stressful, but it’s better than when the tree fell on my house. In any case, I am glad to be back.

  77. 77.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:19 pm

    @Baud:

    Dog person.

    On Tunchblog? Blasphemy! Prepare to lose the important crazy cat lady vote.

  78. 78.

    Ruckus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    @Ian:
    You do know there are a lot of people who work in the white house, who take care of the place. They work for the white house not really the president. Presidents come and go and they don’t. How do you know that it’s not permanent staff that thinks it’s a hostile place?

  79. 79.

    artem1s

    March 15, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel: I had a great dog who was terrified of thunderstorms. He could hear them coming hours before I could. They would really send him into a panic. Constant whining, pacing, peeing on the floor. Nothing seemed to help him. No amount of reassurances or petting helped. then I started to cage him during the day because he was having some separation anxiety issues while I was at work. He didn’t like it at first but after a few weeks was pretty good about it. Then one night when he was having a particularly bad episode during a storm, I tried putting him in the cage. It was almost miraculous. He settled right in and went to sleep. Never had an issue with him after that. It was obvious the small space made him feel safer.

  80. 80.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: I thought crazy cat ladies voted Green.

  81. 81.

    MomSense

    March 15, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    Awww poor Lily. I trust you will figure out how to help her, Cole. She really is the sweetest girl.

  82. 82.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    @JPL: Oh, yes, there are legitimate crate uses, and certainly even lengthy crating is better than death. My beef is with owners who keep the poor beast locked in a crate for 10 or more hours a day because they’re too lazy or selfish to rearrange their lives to accommodate the needs of the dog THEY WENT OUT AND GOT. The owners who tell you it’s OK because the dog has a denning instinct. Well, I had an instinct to reproduce, but that didn’t mean I wanted to spend 10+ hours a day, five days a week, flat on my back with my legs spread out.

  83. 83.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    @Baud: Not the ones that read Balloon Juice!

  84. 84.

    Ruckus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    @Pogonip:
    Cats will do that. You don’t do your job and clean out the toilet when necessary they are going to get even. Boy are they going to get even. And depending on the cat they may have a bit of shitbox rage and even go a little overboard. Usually in ways that you don’t find out about until you least expect it.

  85. 85.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    @artem1s: Another legitimate crate use where it really is a nice safe den.

    You know that trick where you play recordings of thunderstorms for puppies born in late fall through midwinter? That never worked for us. When the real storms came, some pups were scared, some not, much as it had always been.

  86. 86.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: I didn’t think any of the ladies of Balloon Juice were crazy.

  87. 87.

    Ruckus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    @Pogonip:
    There are limits to almost everything. Even the good stuff. Sometimes especially the good stuff. Like ice cream, cookies, whiskey………….etc, etc. .

  88. 88.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    @Baud: Well played, but you forgot toco loco.

  89. 89.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    @WaterGirl: Er, shouldn’t that be PEEstols?

  90. 90.

    Anne Laurie

    March 15, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    @Pogonip:

    Before dog imprisonment became socially acceptable dog shrinks were almost unheard of.

    … because dogs that “made trouble” got euthanized, frequently on the advice of the helpful local veterinarian. Lots more dogs out there, why waste time with a defective model!

    Crate training, like so much of modern dog-owning practice, is a result of people deciding that dogs are not fungible. So are “dog shrinks”. We’ve decided, as a society, that it makes more sense to try and fix our pet’s problems than to discard that pet and start over. I consider this a net social positive, myself.

    (For one thing, it’s correlated to the way “we’ve” decided that kids with special needs deserve to be accommodated, not warehoused. Of course kids have a higher social utility than pets, but the metric for Is this annoyingly non-standard being worth the trouble of caring for? seems to overlap.)

  91. 91.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    @Baud: We are all mad here.

  92. 92.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    @Ruckus: I know Siamese cats don’t like being alone. Had a neighbor who was gone a lot and his Siamese would come and visit, via his cat door, when he was lonesome. He’d socialize with the neighborhood, people and pets, every day until the owner came back.

  93. 93.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 9:38 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    आप पागल हैं लेकिन बुद्धिमान हैं

  94. 94.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:42 pm

    @Baud: I was quoting the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.

  95. 95.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    आप भी बहुत साक्षर हैं

  96. 96.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    @Baud: शुक्रिया

  97. 97.

    Baud

    March 15, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    देय नाडा

  98. 98.

    BruceJ

    March 15, 2017 at 9:54 pm

    Be aware that that “cheap wifi camera” is riddled with flaws making it eminently hackable to do Bad Things.

    Check the linky to see if yours is on the list. It was things like these cameras that did stuff like hit Krebs on Security with the (then) biggest DDOS ever.

    And Lily getting anything but a mild scolding has higher odds than Trump actually taking a vow of poverty.

  99. 99.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 15, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: @Baud: इसे रोको, आप दो

  100. 100.

    BruceJ

    March 15, 2017 at 9:57 pm

    @Pogonip: A friend’s Siamese cat would disappear for days on end. She found him at a neighbor’s house. Neighbor thought he ‘wasn’t getting fed’ (Zonker was practically waddling by then!)…Zonker was also a dead ringer for the cat in ‘Get Fuzzy’ down to the one fang. (H’ed broken the other off doing something zonker-ish when hopped up on catnip when he was young….there was a reason the cat was named ‘Zonker’ :-)

  101. 101.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 15, 2017 at 10:07 pm

    @Baud: What language is that? It doesn’t make any sense.
    @Omnes Omnibus: ठीक है (Okay)

  102. 102.

    Anne Laurie

    March 15, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    @TheMightyTrowel:

    I realised reading this book that I’ve never met a non-American who crates their dogs, but I’ve met a lot of Americans who do.

    To expand on what has already been said: Forty years ago, it was common practice to leave a dog outside all day — ‘careful’ owners kept them tied up or in a fenced yard, rather than letting the dog roam where it would. And in many families, there was somebody at home for all or part of the day; if Mom wasn’t there to let the dog out at lunch, the kids came home in the early afternoon. Now both parents work, the kids are booked up with sports & other activities until after dark, and everybody has a longer commute. At the same time, the rules about dogs running free or being left outside have gotten much tighter; your neighbors will complain and the cops will give you a ticket (or take the dog away) if it paces the fenceline and howls for hours on end.

    Dogs are attractive to people (it’s what they’ve evolved for!) and Americans consider ourselves Problem Solvers. We don’t want to give up the pleasure of owning dogs, so we find work-arounds like doggie day care, professional dog walkers… and crate training.

  103. 103.

    Nicole

    March 15, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    @Anne Laurie: I might also add that I think we know more about animal behavior now than forty years ago. About 15 years ago, when I worked at a zoo, I was flabbergasted at how willing the polar bears were to go in to their nighttime holding areas at the end of the day, seeing as how their nighttime holding areas were just large cages while their exhibit had a big pool and room to wander and toys, blah blah blah. When I commented on it, one of the zookeepers told me that even big predators like polar bears fear things and being in a smaller space to sleep makes them feel safer, and lets them sleep more deeply than out in the open.

    Needless to say, on the occasional evenings when the bears wouldn’t gate, they were left out in the exhibit for the night. You cannot make a polar bear do something it does not want to do. ;)

  104. 104.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 15, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    @SFBayAreaGal:

    That was a terrifying clown!

  105. 105.

    Pogonip

    March 15, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    @Nicole: Not even if you have embarrassing pictures of him + the negatives?

  106. 106.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 15, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Hey, I tried.

  107. 107.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 15, 2017 at 10:33 pm

    @Baud:

    Nice recovery!

    ? ? ?

  108. 108.

    Chris

    March 15, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Ha, called it!! Knew it was her. Such a sensitive sweetheart….too many changes in a short period of time. She’ll be ok though. Ugh, look at that face… how could you be mad at her?

  109. 109.

    Yarrow

    March 15, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    Awww…Lily. She’s my favorite. Poor girl. Probably still adjusting to the new home. Moving is stressful!

  110. 110.

    Yarrow

    March 15, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    Or maybe the lady friend pushed her over the edge. She’s been #1 for forever, no matter who was added to her household.

    I think this is a big part of it. Lily needs to know she’s still John’s favorite.

  111. 111.

    ABCConcepts

    March 15, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Definitely not too late and I 100% agree with you!

  112. 112.

    catclub

    March 15, 2017 at 11:55 pm

    @Nicole:

    You cannot make a polar bear do something it does not want to do. ;)

    It is hard enough to push a cat.

  113. 113.

    Duane

    March 16, 2017 at 12:32 am

    Arkansas intends to kill eight people this month

  114. 114.

    khead

    March 16, 2017 at 12:42 am

    This may be my favorite Balloon Juice post ever. Really. The story of Cole hooking up a camera to catch the dog pooping.

  115. 115.

    SWMBO

    March 16, 2017 at 1:16 am

    @khead: And not getting electrocuted or falling and killing himself on the wires. The dog poop was a bonus.

  116. 116.

    thalarctosMaritimus

    March 16, 2017 at 1:25 am

    @schrodingers_cat: स्पेनिश, मुझे विश्वास है

  117. 117.

    Tim in SF

    March 16, 2017 at 3:29 am

    “I caught the perpetrator red-pawed”

    More like “brown pawed.”

  118. 118.

    Pogonip

    March 16, 2017 at 7:08 am

    @khead: Balloon Juice: come for the useful information, stay for the dog poop!

  119. 119.

    Stardus614

    March 16, 2017 at 12:14 pm

    She’s just trying to make a house a home. “Ahhh, now it smells right!” Much better.

  120. 120.

    Eadgyth

    March 16, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    I know many or even most crate users use them properly and take care of their dogs beautifully. However I have already indirectly met 2 people (friends of friends) who crated their dog while they were at work, took the dog out for half hour after work, put them back in and went out with friends, took the dog out for another half hour, and put them back in while they slept. Routinely had the dogs in there 20+ hours a day.

    Just because of these 2 I wish we could get crates banned. I don’t care how much good they do when they can be a device for such cruelty.

  121. 121.

    vickie feminist

    March 16, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    Lily has more Beagle in her than we realized. Beagles are terribly hard/impossible to house break. We thought it was us and that she was a rescue, etc. etc. etc. Then a long-time Beagle owner wrote a piece for the NY TImes last year saying Beagles don’t believe in being house broken. So our very smart, devoted Beagle (AKA Cordelia Chase) sees outdoors as optional. Lily is just in sync with her heritage and also has a huge following.

  122. 122.

    SWMBO

    March 16, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    @Eadgyth: A different point of view. We acquired 3 brothers at 10 weeks old. When we left them, someone started chewing. Electrical cords with the fan running. Stuff like that. Crating them meant not coming home to dead pups. Admittedly we didn’t crate them for 20+hours a day but it kept them safe while they weren’t supervised. Like most things, it depends on how you use it.

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