Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Not all heroes wear capes.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

The GOP is a fucking disgrace.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

This blog will pay for itself.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

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Balloon Juice Calendar

by | 22 Comments

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Ok- last call to express interest in the calendar. This is not actual orders, this is pre-orders so that I may gauge how many need to be ordered.

If you have not already, please email balloonjuicecalendar[email protected] [fixed address —M4] and state HOW MANY calendars you wish to purchase. Nothing else.

Please follow these SIMPLE ASS INSTRUCTIONS or you will be judged the way Steve judges me every time I walk up the stairs to the second floor.

If you are wondering why the runner is all cockeyed, it is because around the corner is Steve’s litterbox that he rarely uses. However, I changed the litter yesterday, and he immediately went into the litter box, used the runner to plant his paws, and then kicked litter in every fucking direction, coating a sixteen square foot area with a light coating of litter. He didn’t even use it. He just arranged it for me.

Because he is helpful like that. The motherfucker.

Reader Interactions

22Comments

  2. 2.

    Central Planning

    He had the turds arranged just the way he wanted and you had to fuck it up. Why wouldn’t Steve do that?

  8. 8.

    Yarrow

    Whatever happened to the Balloon Juice site rebuild fundraiser? People had suggested starting it the Sunday after Thanksgiving. That’s come and gone.

  19. 19.

    schrodingers_cat

    Husband kitteh calls the scattering of litter everywhere without even actually using the litterbox, the dance of joy. They like to check out their new bathroom without using it. Dance of joy, is their seal of approval.

  21. 21.

    HinTN

    Text of email sent on 9 November 2018 at 1635 Central:

    I want two, please. 

    Also, I want to thank your royal grumpy assholiness for pushing this rope. 

    Pictures approaching the event horizon. 

    HinTN

    I hope you got it and the pix.

  22. 22.

    Adrift

    Thank you for the one laugh I had today. And one helluva laugh it was. I miss my kitty so so much, it’s my first Christmas without her in 18 years. She and Steve as Maine Coons would have gotten along splendidly.

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