Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Somebody needs to explain to DeSantis that nobody needs to do anything to make him look bad.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

đŸŽ¶ Those boots were made for mockin’ đŸŽ”

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

The rest of the comments were smacking Boebert like she was a piñata.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

In my day, never was longer.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

Tick tock motherfuckers!

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Consistently wrong since 2002

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” is supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

He really is that stupid.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

Wake up. Grow up. Get in the fight.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Shine On

Shine On

by | 46 Comments

This post is in: 

It’s Beltane, herald of summer, season of the fire. I must admit, it’s been a bit dark here at chez ruemara. Covid-19 has added more instability to a life that was already akin to riding a unicycle while juggling flaming batons & balancing a bunch of pitchers on my head. I knew a shelter in place order was going to happen, I was just 2 days off in my estimate of when CA would say “stay the hell home”.

I worried quite a bit about Covid, considering the bulk of my known family is in NYC or Florida, better known as Hot Spot 1 and Future Hotter Spot 1, but the first call from my mother still hit me quite hard. Less about the deaths themselves – 3 3rd cousins & a family friend’s sister – and more about the enormity of the devastation we the marginalized were about to go through. It’s hitting African Americans, Latinos & Native Americans the hardest. Because structural racism is all about making life something you survive not thrive in, so you’re far more vulnerable. Had to take a day just to process this point in history we’re getting to exist in. How does one remain calm in the face of genocide (Puerto Rico still doesn’t have power, over 900 days without infrastructure), because you have to deal with brand new even worse genocide kicking into gear? And while the people that died didn’t mean that much to me, they meant a lot to their people. I felt the tragedy of that absence.

Less than a week later, Alain died and that took my breath away. Alain was a lovely human being, filled with generosity. I don’t bring up much here of some of my interactions, but he reached out to offer help to get me setup doing voice work. That’s his nature. Finding out he’d passed
 it made me feel like yet another bright light has gone from the world. Then a few days after Alain, I got word my beloved son kitty, Otajamakushi Taifun, wasn’t just having urinary tract issues, he had kidney disease and this could be his last year. Unfortunately, it turned out to be his last week. Another light gone.

  • chillin’
Not quite Takkun in his full glory, but Otajamakushi in his best moments.

And I’m not remotely alone in this. Way too many people are losing their bright lights. People who made their lives better, who made other lives better. Grief is as national a pastime these days as boredom. What is there to do? Wrap ourselves in darkness, fear & anger? The truth is, we’re all bright lights in someone’s life, whether we know it or not. And we share in the work of pushing back darkness. Over 60k people have died as I write this, yet when I’d started thinking about writing this, only 40k were dead. That number is only going to get bigger. Some of the deaths will be in their normal due time, some will be unfortunate happenstance and some will be due to the criminal mismanagement and callousness of our mostly GOP government. What is there to do, when deaths large & small affect our world, except be a light?

We’re going to need each other, probably more than we think. To let the noise and distractions of others fall away and take the work of preserving this country and what’s truly good in humanity. And to take all the time we need to feel joy. Welcome, Beltane. Welcome. We plan to shine brightly for those we’ve lost.

Panoramic shot of farmland under bright sky filled with clouds.
The open fields of one of the research farmlands here in Yolo, CA

Reader Interactions

46Comments

  2. 2.

    rikyrah

    I am glad to be working from home. I can have good days and bad days. Today wasn’t too productive. I will try and do better. Gotta keep a balance.??

  3. 3.

    rikyrah

    About the bullshyt with Biden…

    There’s a reason why Black folks are out here defending him from this bullsht:

    People forget that as the first Black president, @BarackObama had to be FLAWLESS. Zero scandals. Zero questionable individuals. Zero controversial appointments. @JoeBiden was his very first appointment. There's no way he or his team would leave anything to chance. #ITrustObama pic.twitter.com/v1V3WauAqn— Trevor Won't Let The Far Left Swiftboat Joe Biden (@ObamaClintonDem) May 2, 2020

    This really is the beginning, middle and end of the issue.

  4. 4.

    Yutsano

    I’m not working. I’m still getting paid full salary. I haven’t lost anyone yet to this virus (blessed be) but I have a centenarian grandfather.

    I can say honestly everyone here is a light in my life. Losing Alain was…tough. Those of us that are left can carry on those who have fallen in our memories. And more importantly, live our lives accordingly.

    L’CHAIM!!!

  5. 5.

    Mnemosyne

    I’m so sorry about your kitty. We still miss Annie every day and we lost her almost a year ago. ?

    So far, we know of only one person definitely lost to Covid-19, a former coworker of G’s. We are lucky that the vast majority of our friends and relatives live in sensible states with Democratic governors who are working hard to keep everyone safe. Not everyone is as lucky as we are.

    I’m on furlough from the Giant Evil, which means that there’s no work for me but they will keep paying my health insurance, which is good. We are also lucky that I had a bit of a freakout last year about our impending doom and moved some money around so we have a good-sized cushion in case G is laid off or furloughed as well. I also feel lucky that we live in a sensible state that let me apply for unemployment online and approved me quickly, unlike the poor bastards in places like Florida who are getting screwed right now.

    It’s so frustrating to watch assholes burn the world down and be unable to do anything to stop it, even if we are currently far from where the actual fire is.

  6. 6.

    PJ

    I’m sorry for the loss of your cat.   By the end of this, I have a feeling everyone will know someone personally who died, or at least will know someone who had someone close to them die from Covid-19.  We are still in the beginning of it.  I am actually optimistic that, politically, we will be much better off in January 2021 than we are now, but there are a ton of actors (GOP, Bernie Bros., Russians, media idiots) who will be working to keep us in the shit, and none of it will be easy.  You gotta keep hanging on:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2wd7bHcJu0

  7. 7.

    Anne Laurie

    I’m so sorry for your losses, Ruemara. Especially at this time.

    Thank you for the reminder that most of us have mostly been ‘fortunate’ in the current plague, so far.

    And I share your hope (prayer) that the Beltane fires will purify our world in its season!

  8. 8.

    Mnemosyne

    @rikyrah:

    My cousin bought a cookie from a bakery near Waukegan that featured Mayor Lightfoot saying, “Go home!” People nationwide really seem to love her and her unwillingness to coddle people in an emergency, and she has a great sense of humor about her new image. ?

  9. 9.

    Mary G

    RIP Otajamakushi Taifun. May his memory be a blessing. It seems about five minutes ago that he and his sister were kittens. And I’m sorry to hear of so many family and friend losses. No matter if they were distant relations, you’ve still lost four of your tribe. It’s horrific.

    I also appreciate your reminder about being a light. I’ve been so angry at these protesters. Even thought about getting some of those washable Crayola markers satby’s grandson’s beard was made of, writing “GO HOME YOU SELFISH MORONS” all over the outside of my car and heading north on PCH for Huntington Beach.

  11. 11.

    Another Scott

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful writing and pictures.  I’m sorry for your loss of your special companion.

    It is a very tough time, and it’s so senseless that it is this bad.  :-(

    Hang in there, write more often, and remember the good times.

    Best wishes,
    Scott.

  12. 12.

    Anya

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Ruemara. Otajamakushi Taifun is such a legendary name for a precious kitty. Sending you lots of  positivity and waves of strength.

  13. 13.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    I’m sorry your cat died, ruemara

    BTW, did we ever find out what the cause of death for Alain was? It was very sudden and I hope it wasn’t COVID-19 related. He always seemed like such a nice guy

  15. 15.

    ruemara

    Just to make it clear, Odo is my current boy kitty, who looks like this.

    Coronacation - The New Normal

    Otajamakushi or Takkun was my boy kitty, who I gave up to my ex way back in 2013 when I was trying to plan to be homeless. They’re really similar looking but Odo thinks he’s more handsome (he’s not but don’t tell him).

  17. 17.

    Ms. Deranged in AZ

    This was such a lovely post. It made me tear up and smile at the same time so thank you. And I’m sorry for your losses ruemara.

    I haven’t lost anyone to the virus but I did lose a cousin this past week. His name was David and he was such a sweet man. He was only 56 and he died alone in the hospital because of the virus restrictions.  I’ll be honest and say that I’m struggling right now and I feel guilty for even admitting that because I know that I am extremely privileged. I have a good job, two relatively healthy kids, and the ability to work from home. This post was a very good reminder about being what we want to see in the world.

    Many blessings to you and yours my fellow Jackals on this day of fire.

  18. 18.

    prostratedragon

    @ruemara:
    RIP the departed relatives and Otajamakushi. We keep a little in touch out to the second or third degree in my family, so we know there is some kind of tribal feeling.

    They’re really similar looking but Odo thinks he’s more handsome (he’s not but don’t tell him).

    It’s so very clear in that photo that he thinks he’s “The Most Gorgeous Creature Ever!”. I think Odo’s my favorite Deep Space 9 character.

  19. 19.

    prostratedragon

    Creative distraction theater: Z (1969). Probably free somewhere with English titles, certainly on Amazon Prime for a 3.99 rental. Sample dialog:

    “The autopsy says he was killed by a club.”
    -“A club? Why did the doctors do an autopsy?”
    -“It’s the legal procedure.”
    -“Yesterday it was all settled! Now you’ll foul us up…”

    Break his halo! Does he get along with his wife?

  20. 20.

    Origuy

    ruemara, I’m sorry about your cat. I posted here about a month ago about my housemates’ cat Gizmo. She was diagnosed with lung cancer. I didn’t post about the day they finally decided to let her go. She had gotten very bloated, but still got around pretty well. Then on Good Friday, she wasn’t. They called a vet who came to the house. My housemate held Gizmo while the vet did the injections. After it was over, the vet took Gizmo away and arranged for the cremation. The ashes came back a few days ago.

  21. 21.

    Raven Onthill

    Sympathies. I have lost someone I know, but I have yet to lose family.

    My problem is not remaining calm in the face of genocide, but in staying passionate. Depression is hard enemy, in the face of monstrosity.

    Meantime, I have been totalling up the effects of this epidemic on my life. I am not a young bird, and it may be that the epidemic has cost me some much-hoped-for plans of my old age.

  23. 23.

    opiejeanne

    Dear Ruemara, I’m so sorry about losing so many of your family & friends, and I’m sorry to hear about your kitty. May you stay safe and healthy and able to keep their memory in your heart.

    I am sick with worry about friends at risk because they are POC or medically at risk and I spend a good deal of each day feeling little more than rage; I feel so helpless, unable to make things better for them. This week has been a little better because it stopped raining; that kind of anger is corrosive and I know it and some days I feel unable to fight it.
    When the sun shines I am ruthless with weeds, I can work out my anger with vicious use of the trowel, and now the crows are becoming my mortal enemies, pinking out the little carrot and beet seedlings, and pulling up peas and radishes out of curiosity.

  26. 26.

    MazeDancer .

    So appreciate this lovely post reminding us to shine.

    And so sorry for your losses.

  27. 27.

    satby

    I’m so sorry about your relatives and your kitty. Condolences. And thank you for the beautiful post inspired by those losses.

  28. 28.

    Suburban Mom

    Thank you for a beautiful post reminding us how to carry on. I am sorry for your losses.

  29. 29.

    oldster

    Our dog is on his last legs. Every morning may be the one where I pick him up and he’s lifeless.

    Serious question: when your pet died, what did you do with the body? Cremate it? Toss it in the trash? Bury it?

    How did you feel about that?

    We have a decent sized suburban yard, and I think I might bury his body. But do I want that? Do I put up a marker? Bury his tag with him?

    Could I hear a lot of opinions about this?

  30. 30.

    CarolPW

    @oldster: Puck is buried in my side yard, with her best kitty friend at her head (they died 2 months apart). One of the best things about owning a house was having a place to bury my friends.

    I’ll plant a tree over their grave this fall. All the kitties buried in my front yard (5 in addition to Puck’s friend) each have their own perennial plant above their grave to remember them by. This year was the first year the deciduous azalea planted over Pluto bloomed, and the occasion reminded me what a sweetheart he was.

  32. 32.

    PST

    @mrmoshpotato:

    We love our mayor. :) <3

    We really do, don’t we. It was strange how, in a huge field of what might be called the usual suspects, folks gravitated to this low-key, sensible figure, relatively unknown but with an impressive resume. She’s a sort of anti-DeBlasio. I never hear a bad word about her.

  33. 33.

    Aimai

    Dear Ruemara, thank you for this beautiful, sad, grieving, post. You have given voice to the sadness so many of us feel. Thank you for putting this post out there. You are one of my favorite posters, always wise and insightful. Hugs!

  34. 34.

    RedDirtGirl

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m struggling with the sheer relentlessness of the situation. Stay strong and shine on.

  35. 35.

    Noname

    @oldster: You will have to decide what you want but I can tell you how I feel.  I think I am very fortunate to have enough space for a decent size pet cemetery.  We’ve even buried some little critters belonging to neighbors or friends, or poor little creatures run over in the road.  It is a very peaceful, friendly place.

    We usually bury ours with their favorite blanket, toys, and a can or bag of their favorite food.  Our sweet little gray baby got buried in her little cat cave that she absolutely loved.  We place them so they are facing the house so they can still see the comings and goings.  They have individual markers and I have been trying to find a statue of Saint Francis that isn’t too tacky.

    So yes, I would bury your sweet dog in the backyard.

  36. 36.

    Noname

    My condolences Ruemara on your losses.  And thank you for the reminder to shine.

  37. 37.

    Laura Too

    Ruemara, I’m so sorry for all of your losses. Thank you for writing such an inspiring piece. I do hope you find solace in knowing how much we care for you in this little virtual wing of a madhouse of a blog. For all of us that screw up the courage to write there are at least a few that lurk that feel the same way. (I lurk a lot in posts that I don’t say anything, just nod at the sage words said by so many)

  39. 39.

    opiejeanne

    @oldster: We had a vet years ago who told us he always buried his pets in his yard and planted a tree over them, so an animal wouldn’t dig them up. We planted a peach tree over one kitty, a nectarine over another, and a Meyer lemon over our two rabbits. They were each buried with a favorite toy and wrapped in a towel or a pillow case.

  41. 41.

    WaterGirl

    Oh, rue, I am so sorry to hear this.  All of it.  I know it broke your heart when you had to give up your kitties, and now your heart is broken again.   What a beautiful post you wrote, rue, even in the depths of your sadness.  many thanks for sharing heart and soul, and your perspective, which comes through in all your posts.  ?

  42. 42.

    TerryC

    @oldster: We have 19 acres of meadows and woods and frisbee golf course. All of our pets get buried out here at prominent spots where we will later see a tree or a bush or a patch of flowers that reminds us of them. We have innumerable cats, one rat, and one dog out there so far.

  43. 43.

    cain

    So sorry to hear about kitty – I miss every single one of my three cats. But not more so than my last one who died of natural causes, but she was with me when I separated from my wife and my subsequent job less afterwards. She was always there – her death hit me hard.

    Lots of good feeling in your direction. To your point, yes, we are going to need each other, our pets, and a rational govt to get us across the river Jordan.

  44. 44.

    Ann Marie

    I’m so sorry about your dear cat.  I found out this week that my Louie’s kidney disease is getting worse.  He’s 18, but I want him for so much longer.

  46. 46.

    No One You Know

    @oldster: I am so sorry.

    I lost my beloved cat this past January. She was quite clear that she wanted to die in my arms. I held her for three days and watched her agonal breath. Took her body to the vet, and asked for a memorial paw print and a snip of her hair and her collar with the tag. We held a funeral for her, remembering all those moments.  Cried together. When I got the ashes back,I put the urn with my son’s preschool clay creations.

    Once again, I’m crying.

    The funeral really helped at the time.

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