Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If you cannot answer whether trump lost the 2020 election, you are unfit for office.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

There are no moderate republicans – only extremists and cowards.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

It’s a good piece. click on over. but then come back!!

Conservatism: there are people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.

I desperately hope that, yet again, i am wrong.

Giving up is unforgivable.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

We will not go back.

“In this country American means white. everybody else has to hyphenate.”

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Cancel the cowardly Times and Post and set up an equivalent monthly donation to ProPublica.

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Second rate reporter says what?

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Wally the Walrus: Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

Wally the Walrus: Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

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Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

Amazing:

Wally the Walrus continues to draw a crowd as new pictures posted to social media appears to show him relaxing in Crookhaven.

The images show the 800kg male walrus chilling out in a small pleasure craft in the harbour, enjoying the sights of West Cork.

On Tuesday, the Irish Examiner reported that Wally is to get a ‘floating couch’ in an effort to prevent him from sinking more boats.

The Arctic walrus, who was first spotted off Kerry last March, has spent the last two weeks cruising and feeding along the south-east and southern coast.

The juvenile walrus has left a trail of destruction in his wake – after hauling himself onto several small boats to rest, causing thousands of euro worth of damage and sinking at least two.

As a side note, when I was a child I had a stuffed Walrus named Wally and my sister had a seal named… Cecilia.

Also, I am now officially completely white haired.

Wally the Walrus:Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

I blame you people.

Reader Interactions

93Comments

  1. 1.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Damn. I still can’t find Mr. Frog.

    ETA: John, you look great with white hair and beard. West Virginia Distinguished.

  3. 3.

    Jerzy Russian

    It is amazing how high walruses, seals, and sea lions can fling themselves when getting on a perch. The seals and sea lions at La Jolla Cove end up on some pretty high rocks.

  4. 4.

    zhena gogolia

    Ocean’s 8 is kind of fun. At first my husband was put off by all the Botox, but he’s getting into it.

  9. 9.

    oldster

    You realize that quite a lot of your readers have been white-haired for a while? No sympathy here.

  10. 10.

    Suzanne

    Just dye your hair if you’re that freaked out about it.

    I eagerly await John Cole Hair Dye Catastrophes. What could go wrong?

  23. 23.

    RaflW

    @oldster: And/or bald. I’ve more or less come to terms with my unintended friar look, but I can be a wee bit jealous of men who have hair, whatever color.

  24. 24.

    eddie blake

    you look very dignified, cole. besides, at least you still have a hairline. most of my hair noped its way out when my brother was in the hospital the last time, in ’03.

    the grey is a good look, though.

  25. 25.

    Brachiator

    I just wanted to note the passing of British comedian Sean Lock, who recently died of cancer at age 58.

    I love British satire. One of my favorite, essential programs is The News Quiz, often more informative about British politics than actual news programs.

    And thanks to the mighty google algorithms, I would be offered YouTube clips of various British comedians. Sean Lock was absolutely brilliant, with a quirky sense of humor that often pushed the envelope and yet was never mean-spirited or hostile. It is strange that I only knew his work through video clips, but he became one of my favorite comedians.

    Lock was a team captain on panel show 8 Out of 10 Cats, a role he held for 18 series, as well as its hugely popular spinoff series Cats Does Countdown. He also appeared on a number of other shows including QI, Have I Got News for You and The Big Fat Quiz of the Year.

    Here is an example of him at his best, a crazy idea for a new game show.

    RIP, sir

  29. 29.

    Ruckus

    @oldster:

    This.

    My beard used to be dark reddish brown, it hasn’t been anything much other than white for very close to a couple decades now.

    I also used to know a man whose hair turned pure white when he was 28. He grew a mustache when he was in his 50s and it was still black as coal. He looked strange with a black mustache and pure white hair.

  31. 31.

    Ken

    Agree with those who say you look distinguished.  I hope my hair and beard look as good when they finish changing. Right now I’ve got grey around the chin and at the temples and sides, with the rest of the beard reddish and my head hair brown. I look like a calico cat when I don’t shave.

    (And I started blonde. Weird how that works.)

  36. 36.

    Mike in NC

    I was told that my dad’s hair turned white when he was stationed in New Guinea and the Philippines in WW2. He was only in his late 20s then.

  37. 37.

    joel hanes

    Cole, your hair is _not_ white.

    It is gray.

    If you don’t believe me, trim a bit and drop it into a white porcelain sink.

    See?

  38. 38.

    Grover Gardner

    Being all grey is great! You can wear *any color you want.* Seriously, when I had brown hair my wife would make faces when I tried to buy an orange or green shirt. Now that I’m all grey I can buy whatever color I want and it looks fine!

  40. 40.

    Yutsano

    I swear if you make my white spots at my temples spread more Cole…

    Actually I have quite a bit of grey hair. It just blends in with the dark brown so it looks like I have highlights. I trip people out with it all the time.

  41. 41.

    Almost Retired

    I would never dye my hair.  Instead, I walk right through my local salon – past the chairs, mirrors, and sinks – and head for the tiny shrine in the back.  The Shrine of Our Lady of Perpetually Medium Brown Hair.  And I pray to Our Lady.  After my prayers, I hang out for about an hour and the gray is gone.  Sometimes, at the six week point, I go in for a touch up prayer.

  42. 42.

    CaseyL

    Either walruses make a habit of flopping their way onto boats , or the video snippet I saw on YouTube of a walrus hoisting him/herself onto a boat was Ireland’s own wee Wally.  The story John links to is worth reading in its entirety:  a walrus rescue organization is busily getting hold of old pontoons and whatnot to place all over the sea, so Wally will have lounging areas wherever he goes without having to wreck peoples’ boats.

    And John, you *do* look distinguished in that photo!  I’d like to see one without your glasses, since they make your eyes look smaller (as usually happens with glasses-for-the-nearsighted).

    And if you want to dye your hair some outrageous color, might be a good idea to determine if  you’re a “Winter” or an “Autumn” or whatever, so you get the undertones right.

  44. 44.

    jimmiraybob

    I will pour a spot of rye whiskey in honor or Wally. (What a bad time to have no Guinness and Lagavulin at hand.)

    I blame you people.

    Now wait a minute, I think you’ve gone to far………[checks note], never mind.
    Cheers

  46. 46.

    frosty

    White hair is better than no hair. Started losing it at 19. You know how hard it is to be a hippie when your hair starts thinning out?

  49. 49.

    Anne Laurie

    True fact: Almost every white (grey) horse is a red horse who’s gone prematurely grey. It’s genetic.

    If it bothers you, Cole, your mother’s beautician can probably recommend someone with expertise at dying beards as well as heads. But, if you decide to do it yourself, remember to go a couple shades lighter than your original hair color, if you want to look ‘natural’…

    Whenever Wally shows up on my media feed, I glare at the Norwegian-American Spousal Unit and point out that Scandinavians are still determined to encroach on Irish territory!

  51. 51.

    MontyTheClipArtMongoose

    all i wanted was a bucket

    just one bucket

    & you wouldn’t give it to me

    just one bucket

    & you wouldn’t give it to me

    you’re like, ‘no, wally, you’re on drugs’

    & i’m like, ‘no, mom, i’m not on drugs’

    ‘all i want is a bucket’

  52. 52.

    JAFD

    Hi, Mr Cole !

    Did you get your glasses from Zinni.com ? They look exactly like the ones I got earlier this year.

  54. 54.

    lurker

    Started turning grey during college in my 20s.  Still working on it a little.  Person who cut my hair said they liked my hair color.  Obviously they wanted a tip.  This is not something to whine about.

    Now, you want to whine about the void stealing your pressure valve and hiding it with the mustard…that is something to whine about.

  55. 55.

    JustRuss

    True story: After reading Balloon Juice for 15 years, my hair has either departed or turned silver.  Clearly this place is toxic.

  57. 57.

    sab

    @JustRuss: My hair has turned silver and it is lovely. I loved the old hair (dark dark brown with red highlights) but the silver is much more compatible with everything.

  58. 58.

    eddie blake

    @lurker: no. liza tells dear henry to fix it, dear henry, dear henry fix it.

    HENRY tells liza about the hole in the bucket. dear liza, dear liza.

  61. 61.

    rose weiss

    I’m am just greying at the temples and have a bit of salt and pepper, so people routinely think I’m at least 10 years younger than I am. Crazy, since hair color actually has little to do with age. I have several friends much younger than me who have been white/gray haired for years.

  63. 63.

    Dan B

    @rose weiss: No one mistakes my S&P hair with being young.  But I have bern carded to make sure I was eligible for the senior citizen discount!  We went camping with younger friends who have white hair as does my partner.  At this rate I’ll be grayer salt and pepper by eighty.

    The beard, however is getting white spots that look like either mange or warts.  What fun!

  64. 64.

    VeniceRiley

    Looking good. Can’t recommend the Steven Segal route. This is better!

    I do dye mine and highlight. And my hairdresser does my eyebrows too. Bye silver bye! It’s different for women. And people with … hair. :-D

  65. 65.

    la risa

    Boy, what is wrong with you. I had to bring my ass out of lurking to tell you to pull the camera back from your face. Lawd!?

    Too be so smart but so…

  66. 66.

    Tony Jay

    @Brachiator:

    Good call. It was obvious some time ago that he had health issues. The last series or two he did of Cats Do Countdown his voice was reduced to a thin wheeze, but he was still by far the funniest person on the show. His humour, best described as “slightly bored absurdist tries to distract normies from approaching doom with his list of bizarre hobbies” always hit me right in the funny bone. When he went off on a rant he was just magnificent.

    The only pity is that so much of his TV work was on CDC which I simply can’t watch anymore because of the continued presence of that odious Twitter-troll Rachel Riley. It’s like being served a lovely meal with a shit-smeared tarantula crouching in the middle of the plate, kind of ruins the whole thing.

    RIP Sean Lock, nobody made spitting on Miles Jupp during sex sound funnier.

  67. 67.

    sab

    So am I right that that walrus is just a young inexperienced  walrus wandering northwest Europe randomly sinking boats because he is just an ignorant adolesccent? Where are his parents? Oh. He is a walrus, They aged out,

  70. 70.

    sab

    @Dan B: I have spent my whole life looking at least 15 years younger than I am. When I was in college my 13 yo sister took the bus down to visit. When we went out to eat the waitress delivered my beer to baby sister and her milk to me.

    I remember at age 5 when my dad age 35 got carded to buy booze.

  72. 72.

    sab

    @sab: One time, when I was 25, the local school guard shrieked at me because I crossed without his permission. I was 25.

  74. 74.

    Brachiator

    @Tony Jay:

    His humour, best described as “slightly bored absurdist tries to distract normies from approaching doom with his list of bizarre hobbies” always hit me right in the funny bone. When he went off on a rant he was just magnificent.

    Well said. As I noted, I mainly knew him from episodes of Countdown that would pop up in my YouTube recommendations.  But damn, I thought he was brilliant.

    I had no idea that he was ill. The news of his passing caught me by surprise. Damn.

    RIP Sean Lock, nobody made spitting on Miles Jupp during sex sound funnier.

    Oh God, I saw that bit. Funny as hell!

  78. 78.

    Ruckus

    @frosty:

    My cousin started losing his hair in his 20s. I’m 4-5 yrs older than him and had a lot of long hair at the time. 50+ yrs later he has the same amount of hair and I don’t even come anywhere near to close.

    Oh well, easy come easy go…

  79. 79.

    Tony Jay

    @Brachiator:

    I’m going to have to go down a YouTube wormhole looking up clips from his live shows. That’s my week sorted.

     

    Jeremy Clarkson – “Last week I ate a puffin. It didn’t taste great, but that’s not why I did it. The point was to eat more things I haven’t eaten before.”

    Sean Lock – “Have you tried one of my turds?”

    Classic.

  81. 81.

    Tony Jay

    “I used to hear voices in my head. Telling me what to do and what not to do, trying to control me. But I just block them out, ignore them….. and carry on killing.”

     

    Q – “How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?”

    A –  “Easy. Just pick him up and wank him off.”

     

    I’ll stop now, but he’ll be missed.

  83. 83.

    mrmoshpotato

    We invaded Afghanistan in 2001. We've been in Afghanistan longer than any of Matt Gaetz' dates have been alive.— Steve Hofstetter (@SteveHofstetter) August 18, 2021

    Gaetz is a kiddie fucker – least we forget his humping of children.

  87. 87.

    Rich Webb

    Also, I am now officially completely white haired.

    On the plus side, no jowls yet so you still have something to look forward to.

    Shaved off a full beard I’d had for 20+ years in order to optimize the COVID-mask seal. Was shocked to discover I’d grown jowly. (narrator’s voice: he shouldn’t have been shocked)

    So, wait a few years. It gets better!

  91. 91.

    FlyingToaster

    @sab: 

    All of a sudden these suburbanites care about our city schools that their kids don’t attend.

    AFAIK, all of the local municipalities (Boston & the inside of 128 burbs) are going to require masks.

    WarriorTeen doesn’t attend public school (long story involving Watertown being flat broke and my kid being a musician), but I’d be incensed if some wanker from Lincoln showed up at our School Committee demanding to make masks optional. I’d be reluctant to show up there since we never used the school system ourselves.

    I’m very much at the point of checking ids at the door to public meetings, and if you’re not a stakeholder, you can go watch on the big screen tv in the parking lot (same feed hereabouts as the Channel 3 municipal TV on cable).

  93. 93.

    Michael Cain

    Despite being several years older than Connery was at the time, my hair coloring (on top and facial) is a pretty good match for his in Hunt for Red October.

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