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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Wally the Walrus: Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

Wally the Walrus: Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

by John Cole|  August 18, 202110:14 pm| 93 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

Amazing:

Wally the Walrus continues to draw a crowd as new pictures posted to social media appears to show him relaxing in Crookhaven.

The images show the 800kg male walrus chilling out in a small pleasure craft in the harbour, enjoying the sights of West Cork.

On Tuesday, the Irish Examiner reported that Wally is to get a ‘floating couch’ in an effort to prevent him from sinking more boats.

The Arctic walrus, who was first spotted off Kerry last March, has spent the last two weeks cruising and feeding along the south-east and southern coast.

The juvenile walrus has left a trail of destruction in his wake – after hauling himself onto several small boats to rest, causing thousands of euro worth of damage and sinking at least two.

As a side note, when I was a child I had a stuffed Walrus named Wally and my sister had a seal named… Cecilia.

Also, I am now officially completely white haired.

Wally the Walrus:Not the Hero We Wanted, But the Hero We Need

I blame you people.

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Reader Interactions

93Comments

  1. 1.

    SiubhanDuinne

    August 18, 2021 at 10:16 pm

    Damn. I still can’t find Mr. Frog.

    ETA: John, you look great with white hair and beard. West Virginia Distinguished.

  2. 2.

    Mike J

    August 18, 2021 at 10:16 pm

    Sea lions know sailing is better than power boats

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WukKFYe6Jg

  3. 3.

    Jerzy Russian

    August 18, 2021 at 10:18 pm

    It is amazing how high walruses, seals, and sea lions can fling themselves when getting on a perch. The seals and sea lions at La Jolla Cove end up on some pretty high rocks.

  4. 4.

    zhena gogolia

    August 18, 2021 at 10:20 pm

    Ocean’s 8 is kind of fun. At first my husband was put off by all the Botox, but he’s getting into it.

  5. 5.

    VOR

    August 18, 2021 at 10:20 pm

    Where does an 800 kg walrus sleep? Apparently where ever he wants.

  6. 6.

    Rob

    August 18, 2021 at 10:22 pm

    Wally!

    And, John, you look great in the photo.

  7. 7.

    The Dangerman

    August 18, 2021 at 10:22 pm

    Coo Coo Ca Choo?

  8. 8.

    satby

    August 18, 2021 at 10:24 pm

    I blame you people.

    We do what we can.

  9. 9.

    oldster

    August 18, 2021 at 10:24 pm

    You realize that quite a lot of your readers have been white-haired for a while? No sympathy here.

  10. 10.

    Suzanne

    August 18, 2021 at 10:26 pm

    Just dye your hair if you’re that freaked out about it.

    I eagerly await John Cole Hair Dye Catastrophes. What could go wrong?

  11. 11.

    MomSense

    August 18, 2021 at 10:27 pm

    @The Dangerman: 
    YES! I was going to say the same thing.

  12. 12.

    Just Chuck

    August 18, 2021 at 10:32 pm

    You’re looking fine in that photo, Cole.  Who’s the white-haired dude below?

  13. 13.

    FlyingToaster

    August 18, 2021 at 10:34 pm

    @Suzanne: He should go whole hog and dye his hair electric blue.

  14. 14.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 18, 2021 at 10:35 pm

    Crookhaven indeed!  Fuckin’ walrus pirates!

  15. 15.

    Mart

    August 18, 2021 at 10:35 pm

    @Just Chuck: For the win

  16. 16.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 18, 2021 at 10:36 pm

    @FlyingToaster: Hot pink.

  17. 17.

    Poe Larity

    August 18, 2021 at 10:37 pm

    I look forward to a refugee poster who does the dishes and finds the mustard.

  18. 18.

    FlyingToaster

    August 18, 2021 at 10:38 pm

    @mrmoshpotato: I think a color that contrasts with his skin will work better; camouflage is, well, boring.

  19. 19.

    schrodingers_cat

    August 18, 2021 at 10:39 pm

    You look good with white hair, very distinguished. Do we want the famously accident prone Cole to mess around with dangerous chemicals, I think not.

  20. 20.

    Sister Golden Bear

    August 18, 2021 at 10:40 pm

    @Suzanne:

    I eagerly await John Cole Hair Dye Catastrophes. What could go wrong?

    And thus began the tragic tale of the Hair Dyeing While Chilling Out On A Boat Incident….

  21. 21.

    Steeplejack

    August 18, 2021 at 10:40 pm

    Speaking of Ireland, here’s a long, funny thread on “fashion.”

    Bonus subthread from two years ago.

  22. 22.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 18, 2021 at 10:40 pm

    @Poe Larity: And is rightfully very concerned about the willow’s proximity to the house.

  23. 23.

    RaflW

    August 18, 2021 at 10:40 pm

    @oldster: And/or bald. I’ve more or less come to terms with my unintended friar look, but I can be a wee bit jealous of men who have hair, whatever color.

  24. 24.

    eddie blake

    August 18, 2021 at 10:41 pm

    you look very dignified, cole. besides, at least you still have a hairline. most of my hair noped its way out when my brother was in the hospital the last time, in ’03.

    the grey is a good look, though.

  25. 25.

    Brachiator

    August 18, 2021 at 10:42 pm

    I just wanted to note the passing of British comedian Sean Lock, who recently died of cancer at age 58.

    I love British satire. One of my favorite, essential programs is The News Quiz, often more informative about British politics than actual news programs.

    And thanks to the mighty google algorithms, I would be offered YouTube clips of various British comedians. Sean Lock was absolutely brilliant, with a quirky sense of humor that often pushed the envelope and yet was never mean-spirited or hostile. It is strange that I only knew his work through video clips, but he became one of my favorite comedians.

    Lock was a team captain on panel show 8 Out of 10 Cats, a role he held for 18 series, as well as its hugely popular spinoff series Cats Does Countdown. He also appeared on a number of other shows including QI, Have I Got News for You and The Big Fat Quiz of the Year.

    Here is an example of him at his best, a crazy idea for a new game show.

    RIP, sir

  26. 26.

    WaterGirl

    August 18, 2021 at 10:44 pm

    That’s not white, that’s blonde.

  27. 27.

    Roger Moore

    August 18, 2021 at 10:45 pm

    @Suzanne:

    I eagerly await John Cole Hair Dye Catastrophes. What could go wrong?

    Just as Rudy Giuliani.

  28. 28.

    Mike J

    August 18, 2021 at 10:45 pm

    @Brachiator: Always loved him on 8oo10c and wilty.

  29. 29.

    Ruckus

    August 18, 2021 at 10:48 pm

    @oldster:

    This.

    My beard used to be dark reddish brown, it hasn’t been anything much other than white for very close to a couple decades now.

    I also used to know a man whose hair turned pure white when he was 28. He grew a mustache when he was in his 50s and it was still black as coal. He looked strange with a black mustache and pure white hair.

  30. 30.

    Suzanne

    August 18, 2021 at 10:51 pm

    @Sister Golden Bear:

    And thus began the tragic tale of the Hair Dyeing While Chilling Out On A Boat Incident…. 

    It’s not a Cole story until Steve’s ass ends up neon green.

  31. 31.

    Ken

    August 18, 2021 at 10:52 pm

    Agree with those who say you look distinguished.  I hope my hair and beard look as good when they finish changing. Right now I’ve got grey around the chin and at the temples and sides, with the rest of the beard reddish and my head hair brown. I look like a calico cat when I don’t shave.

    (And I started blonde. Weird how that works.)

  32. 32.

    West of the Rockies

    August 18, 2021 at 10:52 pm

    @Just Chuck:

    Rimshot!

  33. 33.

    West of the Rockies

    August 18, 2021 at 10:54 pm

    @Suzanne:

    But if anyone could pull off a neon green ass, it’s Steve… or, uh, John.

  34. 34.

    BruceFromOhio

    August 18, 2021 at 10:56 pm

    I blame you people.

    Like we escaped same?  Should see the view from this side.

  35. 35.

    Redshift

    August 18, 2021 at 11:03 pm

    I blame you people.

    That’s fair.

  36. 36.

    Mike in NC

    August 18, 2021 at 11:04 pm

    I was told that my dad’s hair turned white when he was stationed in New Guinea and the Philippines in WW2. He was only in his late 20s then.

  37. 37.

    joel hanes

    August 18, 2021 at 11:06 pm

    Cole, your hair is _not_ white.

    It is gray.

    If you don’t believe me, trim a bit and drop it into a white porcelain sink.

    See?

  38. 38.

    Grover Gardner

    August 18, 2021 at 11:13 pm

    Being all grey is great! You can wear *any color you want.* Seriously, when I had brown hair my wife would make faces when I tried to buy an orange or green shirt. Now that I’m all grey I can buy whatever color I want and it looks fine!

  39. 39.

    Ohio Mom

    August 18, 2021 at 11:19 pm

    My hair is silver and when I see old photos of me when it was brown, it looks weird to me.

  40. 40.

    Yutsano

    August 18, 2021 at 11:20 pm

    I swear if you make my white spots at my temples spread more Cole…

    Actually I have quite a bit of grey hair. It just blends in with the dark brown so it looks like I have highlights. I trip people out with it all the time.

  41. 41.

    Almost Retired

    August 18, 2021 at 11:24 pm

    I would never dye my hair.  Instead, I walk right through my local salon – past the chairs, mirrors, and sinks – and head for the tiny shrine in the back.  The Shrine of Our Lady of Perpetually Medium Brown Hair.  And I pray to Our Lady.  After my prayers, I hang out for about an hour and the gray is gone.  Sometimes, at the six week point, I go in for a touch up prayer.

  42. 42.

    CaseyL

    August 18, 2021 at 11:28 pm

    Either walruses make a habit of flopping their way onto boats , or the video snippet I saw on YouTube of a walrus hoisting him/herself onto a boat was Ireland’s own wee Wally.  The story John links to is worth reading in its entirety:  a walrus rescue organization is busily getting hold of old pontoons and whatnot to place all over the sea, so Wally will have lounging areas wherever he goes without having to wreck peoples’ boats.

    And John, you *do* look distinguished in that photo!  I’d like to see one without your glasses, since they make your eyes look smaller (as usually happens with glasses-for-the-nearsighted).

    And if you want to dye your hair some outrageous color, might be a good idea to determine if  you’re a “Winter” or an “Autumn” or whatever, so you get the undertones right.

  43. 43.

    Mary G

    August 18, 2021 at 11:36 pm

    Here is Wally on a couch already built for him from pontoons:

    This, it must be pointed out, is something Wally has experience in.https://t.co/tittoxQrYt— Micheál (@Nameless_Weevil) August 18, 2021

  44. 44.

    jimmiraybob

    August 18, 2021 at 11:36 pm

    I will pour a spot of rye whiskey in honor or Wally. (What a bad time to have no Guinness and Lagavulin at hand.)

    I blame you people.

    Now wait a minute, I think you’ve gone to far………[checks note], never mind.
    Cheers

  45. 45.

    BigJimSlade

    August 18, 2021 at 11:47 pm

    I thought he was going to say he looks like a walrus. I mean, the setup was right there.

  46. 46.

    frosty

    August 18, 2021 at 11:49 pm

    White hair is better than no hair. Started losing it at 19. You know how hard it is to be a hippie when your hair starts thinning out?

  47. 47.

    RepubAnon

    August 18, 2021 at 11:52 pm

    @satby: I’d say Steve the Cat had a role in the change of hair color…

  48. 48.

    Major Major Major Major

    August 19, 2021 at 12:18 am

    The best such name is Sheldon, for a turtle.

  49. 49.

    Anne Laurie

    August 19, 2021 at 12:26 am

    True fact: Almost every white (grey) horse is a red horse who’s gone prematurely grey. It’s genetic.

    If it bothers you, Cole, your mother’s beautician can probably recommend someone with expertise at dying beards as well as heads. But, if you decide to do it yourself, remember to go a couple shades lighter than your original hair color, if you want to look ‘natural’…

    Whenever Wally shows up on my media feed, I glare at the Norwegian-American Spousal Unit and point out that Scandinavians are still determined to encroach on Irish territory!

  50. 50.

    NotMax

    August 19, 2021 at 12:32 am

    @Major Major Major Major

    Shelvis.

  51. 51.

    MontyTheClipArtMongoose

    August 19, 2021 at 12:40 am

    all i wanted was a bucket

    just one bucket

    & you wouldn’t give it to me

    just one bucket

    & you wouldn’t give it to me

    you’re like, ‘no, wally, you’re on drugs’

    & i’m like, ‘no, mom, i’m not on drugs’

    ‘all i want is a bucket’

  52. 52.

    JAFD

    August 19, 2021 at 12:45 am

    Hi, Mr Cole !

    Did you get your glasses from Zinni.com ? They look exactly like the ones I got earlier this year.

  53. 53.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 12:45 am

    @Anne Laurie: Reading Dorothy Dunnett’s works again. I do love your resentment of Scandanavian walruses invadimg Celtic lands. Some things never change.

  54. 54.

    lurker

    August 19, 2021 at 12:52 am

    Started turning grey during college in my 20s.  Still working on it a little.  Person who cut my hair said they liked my hair color.  Obviously they wanted a tip.  This is not something to whine about.

    Now, you want to whine about the void stealing your pressure valve and hiding it with the mustard…that is something to whine about.

  55. 55.

    JustRuss

    August 19, 2021 at 12:55 am

    True story: After reading Balloon Juice for 15 years, my hair has either departed or turned silver.  Clearly this place is toxic.

  56. 56.

    lurker

    August 19, 2021 at 12:57 am

    @MontyTheClipArtMongoose: as Liza explained to Henry, there’s a hole in the bucket.  that’s why you can’t have the bucket.

  57. 57.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 1:03 am

    @JustRuss: My hair has turned silver and it is lovely. I loved the old hair (dark dark brown with red highlights) but the silver is much more compatible with everything.

  58. 58.

    eddie blake

    August 19, 2021 at 1:05 am

    @lurker: no. liza tells dear henry to fix it, dear henry, dear henry fix it.

    HENRY tells liza about the hole in the bucket. dear liza, dear liza.

  59. 59.

    lurker

    August 19, 2021 at 1:13 am

    @eddie blake: having been married, liza told henry about the hole in the bucket too…

  60. 60.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 1:17 am

    @sab: My spelling, as always, has flaws.

  61. 61.

    rose weiss

    August 19, 2021 at 1:26 am

    I’m am just greying at the temples and have a bit of salt and pepper, so people routinely think I’m at least 10 years younger than I am. Crazy, since hair color actually has little to do with age. I have several friends much younger than me who have been white/gray haired for years.

  62. 62.

    Old Dan and Little Ann

    August 19, 2021 at 1:26 am

    @JustRuss:  Ha. I have a similar tale.

  63. 63.

    Dan B

    August 19, 2021 at 1:37 am

    @rose weiss: No one mistakes my S&P hair with being young.  But I have bern carded to make sure I was eligible for the senior citizen discount!  We went camping with younger friends who have white hair as does my partner.  At this rate I’ll be grayer salt and pepper by eighty.

    The beard, however is getting white spots that look like either mange or warts.  What fun!

  64. 64.

    VeniceRiley

    August 19, 2021 at 1:40 am

    Looking good. Can’t recommend the Steven Segal route. This is better!

    I do dye mine and highlight. And my hairdresser does my eyebrows too. Bye silver bye! It’s different for women. And people with … hair. :-D

  65. 65.

    la risa

    August 19, 2021 at 1:45 am

    Boy, what is wrong with you. I had to bring my ass out of lurking to tell you to pull the camera back from your face. Lawd!?

    Too be so smart but so…

  66. 66.

    Tony Jay

    August 19, 2021 at 1:54 am

    @Brachiator:

    Good call. It was obvious some time ago that he had health issues. The last series or two he did of Cats Do Countdown his voice was reduced to a thin wheeze, but he was still by far the funniest person on the show. His humour, best described as “slightly bored absurdist tries to distract normies from approaching doom with his list of bizarre hobbies” always hit me right in the funny bone. When he went off on a rant he was just magnificent.

    The only pity is that so much of his TV work was on CDC which I simply can’t watch anymore because of the continued presence of that odious Twitter-troll Rachel Riley. It’s like being served a lovely meal with a shit-smeared tarantula crouching in the middle of the plate, kind of ruins the whole thing.

    RIP Sean Lock, nobody made spitting on Miles Jupp during sex sound funnier.

  67. 67.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 1:54 am

    So am I right that that walrus is just a young inexperienced  walrus wandering northwest Europe randomly sinking boats because he is just an ignorant adolesccent? Where are his parents? Oh. He is a walrus, They aged out,

  68. 68.

    rikyrah

    August 19, 2021 at 1:59 am

    You look good, Cole?

  69. 69.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    August 19, 2021 at 2:01 am

    @Roger Moore:

    Just as Rudy Giuliani.

    Must we?

  70. 70.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 2:01 am

    @Dan B: I have spent my whole life looking at least 15 years younger than I am. When I was in college my 13 yo sister took the bus down to visit. When we went out to eat the waitress delivered my beer to baby sister and her milk to me.

    I remember at age 5 when my dad age 35 got carded to buy booze.

  71. 71.

    rikyrah

    August 19, 2021 at 2:06 am

     

    Daryl Sturgis✊? (@darylsturgis) tweeted at 11:35 AM on Wed, Aug 18, 2021:
    The current anti-mask/ anti-vaxx movement feels a lot like the Tea Party of 2009-10. Suddenly out of nowhere folks started showing up at town halls and city council meetings screaming about deficits at the height of the financial crisis. None of this feels organic.
    (https://twitter.com/darylsturgis/status/1428032829661777923?s=02)

  72. 72.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 2:09 am

    @sab: One time, when I was 25, the local school guard shrieked at me because I crossed without his permission. I was 25.

  73. 73.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 2:13 am

    @rikyrah: Yes.  All of  a sudden these suburbanites care about our city schools that their kids don’t attend.

  74. 74.

    Brachiator

    August 19, 2021 at 2:14 am

    @Tony Jay:

    His humour, best described as “slightly bored absurdist tries to distract normies from approaching doom with his list of bizarre hobbies” always hit me right in the funny bone. When he went off on a rant he was just magnificent.

    Well said. As I noted, I mainly knew him from episodes of Countdown that would pop up in my YouTube recommendations.  But damn, I thought he was brilliant.

    I had no idea that he was ill. The news of his passing caught me by surprise. Damn.

    RIP Sean Lock, nobody made spitting on Miles Jupp during sex sound funnier.

    Oh God, I saw that bit. Funny as hell!

  75. 75.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    August 19, 2021 at 2:15 am

    @sab:

    Troublemaker.

  76. 76.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 2:29 am

    @Steeplejack (phone): Autocrat.

  77. 77.

    sab

    August 19, 2021 at 2:33 am

    End result of white flight is my city kids have masks and yours don’t. Ha ha.

  78. 78.

    Ruckus

    August 19, 2021 at 3:21 am

    @frosty:

    My cousin started losing his hair in his 20s. I’m 4-5 yrs older than him and had a lot of long hair at the time. 50+ yrs later he has the same amount of hair and I don’t even come anywhere near to close.

    Oh well, easy come easy go…

  79. 79.

    Tony Jay

    August 19, 2021 at 3:49 am

    @Brachiator:

    I’m going to have to go down a YouTube wormhole looking up clips from his live shows. That’s my week sorted.

     

    Jeremy Clarkson – “Last week I ate a puffin. It didn’t taste great, but that’s not why I did it. The point was to eat more things I haven’t eaten before.”

    Sean Lock – “Have you tried one of my turds?”

    Classic.

  80. 80.

    Dan B

    August 19, 2021 at 4:01 am

    @Tony Jay: Economy of words at its zenith!

  81. 81.

    Tony Jay

    August 19, 2021 at 4:08 am

    “I used to hear voices in my head. Telling me what to do and what not to do, trying to control me. But I just block them out, ignore them….. and carry on killing.”

     

    Q – “How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?”

    A –  “Easy. Just pick him up and wank him off.”

     

    I’ll stop now, but he’ll be missed.

  82. 82.

    a thousand flouncing lurkers was fidelio

    August 19, 2021 at 4:21 am

    More of Wally’s adventures. Assuming this is the same walrus and that the link works.

  83. 83.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 19, 2021 at 4:54 am

    We invaded Afghanistan in 2001. We've been in Afghanistan longer than any of Matt Gaetz' dates have been alive.— Steve Hofstetter (@SteveHofstetter) August 18, 2021

    Gaetz is a kiddie fucker – least we forget his humping of children.

  84. 84.

    Lavocat

    August 19, 2021 at 6:29 am

    Good lord, man, is your head truly that big!?

  85. 85.

    HeartlandLiberal

    August 19, 2021 at 7:19 am

    @Just Chuck: If only I could embed my favorite Youtube video of a cartoon drummer doing a rim shot. You win comments for the day.

  86. 86.

    OGLiberal

    August 19, 2021 at 9:52 am

    A replacement for Fungie?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fungie

    I did visit Dingle way back in 2001 but I did not have the pleasure of meeting Fungie and looks like I never will.

  87. 87.

    Rich Webb

    August 19, 2021 at 10:17 am

    Also, I am now officially completely white haired.

    On the plus side, no jowls yet so you still have something to look forward to.

    Shaved off a full beard I’d had for 20+ years in order to optimize the COVID-mask seal. Was shocked to discover I’d grown jowly. (narrator’s voice: he shouldn’t have been shocked)

    So, wait a few years. It gets better!

  88. 88.

    TheronWare

    August 19, 2021 at 10:43 am

    @The Dangerman: I am the eggman ha!

  89. 89.

    Kayla Rudbek

    August 19, 2021 at 1:52 pm

    @Steeplejack: no wonder that the Irish-Americans could so readily put up with uniforms in Catholic schools…

  90. 90.

    Nelson

    August 19, 2021 at 2:23 pm

    I believe that the walrus is just a vampire manatee.

  91. 91.

    FlyingToaster

    August 19, 2021 at 2:41 pm

    @sab: 

    All of a sudden these suburbanites care about our city schools that their kids don’t attend.

    AFAIK, all of the local municipalities (Boston & the inside of 128 burbs) are going to require masks.

    WarriorTeen doesn’t attend public school (long story involving Watertown being flat broke and my kid being a musician), but I’d be incensed if some wanker from Lincoln showed up at our School Committee demanding to make masks optional. I’d be reluctant to show up there since we never used the school system ourselves.

    I’m very much at the point of checking ids at the door to public meetings, and if you’re not a stakeholder, you can go watch on the big screen tv in the parking lot (same feed hereabouts as the Channel 3 municipal TV on cable).

  92. 92.

    sherparick

    August 19, 2021 at 5:11 pm

    @satby:  Yep, just helping to get your blood pumping.

  93. 93.

    Michael Cain

    August 19, 2021 at 6:05 pm

    Despite being several years older than Connery was at the time, my hair coloring (on top and facial) is a pretty good match for his in Hunt for Red October.

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