Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

My right to basic bodily autonomy is not on the table. that’s the new deal.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

One way or another, he’s a liar.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Just because you believe it, that does not make it true.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

Donald Trump found guilty as fuck – May 30, 2024!

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

The real work of an opposition party is to oppose.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Books are my comfort food!

Never give a known liar the benefit of the doubt.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

Text STOP to opt out of updates on war plans.

Trumpflation is an intolerable hardship for every American, and it’s Trump’s fault.

You are here: Home / Popular Culture / KULCHA! / Tuesday Evening Open Thread: … As Per My Last Tablet…

Tuesday Evening Open Thread: … As Per My Last Tablet…

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Why writing was *really* invented:

Some thousands of years from now, (not necessarily human) archaeologists will be painstakingly recreating email messages from mid-level managers of the Greater American Empire complaining about water allocation paperwork in the not-yet-undersea Californiate territories…

Reader Interactions

54Comments

  6. 6.

    Cermet

    Farming in a semi-desert isn’t all its cracked up to be when your fellow humans also have a claim on the water. Shoulda voted for people that believed in climate warming, stupid.

  8. 8.

    trollhattan

    @dmsilev: “To ensure legibility of third tablet, press REALLY HARD.”

    I can’t find any Babylonian recipes calling for sesame seeds, so the water master was probably just giving the old “screw you” to sesame farmer Bob.

  9. 9.

    debbie

    The replies are great, especially this one:

    I like to think about how annoyed you’d need to be to bother with sending a clay tablet.
    “It was short by 10 cubits AGAIN???” rubs temples “You know what, Baltazar? Go get the fucking clay. I’ve had enough of this. Is the kiln on?”
    — Timothy Quinn (@Timcorp1) August 31, 2021

  10. 10.

    Lacuna Synecdoche

    TheAncientWorld via Anne Laurie @ Top:

    A typical complaint fielded by Babylonian administrators: “I am not getting water for my sesame field. The sesame will die. Don’t tell me later, ‘You did not write to me.’ The sesame is visibly dying. Ibbi-Ilabrat saw it. That sesame will die, and I have warned you.”

    Narrator: The sesame died.​

  11. 11.

    RSA

    Things were so much better before Twitter / cell phones / the Internet / television / radio / telegrams / literacy.

  14. 14.

    Benw

    Did the back to school supplies run today. My youngest moving up to middle school means no more crayons and markers in the cart, unfortunately!

  15. 15.

    prostratedragon

    @debbie:  That is just what I thought, imagining someone furiously tapping away on an index card-sized tablet. And then there are the long lags while the things are moved about to give the pot more time to simmer.

  16. 16.

    BC in Illinois

    The eleven most terrifying words in the Akkadian language: “I’m from the Babylon Water Administration, and I’m here to help.”

  17. 17.

    mrmoshpotato

    @trollhattan:

    “To ensure legibility of third tablet, press REALLY HARD.” 

    To the point (no pun intended) of literally pounding on it with a chisel!

  19. 19.

    Sure Lurkalot

    @Roger Moore:

    We all know writing was actually invented by priests so they could keep track of who had delivered their tithe on time.

    That’s actually somewhat true. Writing was used (even fair to say invented) to keep track of inventory, levies, tribute, etc.

  21. 21.

    Baud

    I wonder if Ibbi-Ilabrat was like, “Leave me out of this, man. I don’t want no trouble.”

  22. 22.

    Ten Bears

    Some thousands of years from now, cockroach archaeologists will dig down through layers of asphalt, ABS pipe and fiberglass cigarette butts and won’t have any trouble at all figuring out how we chocked in our own flatulence. Don’t know about why …

  23. 23.

    prostratedragon

    @debbie:  Yeah, either that or they usually got a little bit of water each season. Trust me on this: a cactus can die of thirst, which is why I prefer pets to plants. I need meowing.

  24. 24.

    Lacuna Synecdoche

    Baud:

    I wonder if Ibbi-Ilabrat was like, “Leave me out of this, man. I don’t want no trouble.”

    “C’mon man. I still owe water taxes from last year and don’t need the attention. Don’t drag me into this. Please. I got my own chickpeas crop to worry about.”

  25. 25.

    Hoppie

    Here in the peoples republic of Hillcrest, Californiate Territory, we will be comfortably above sea level looking out at the new coastline   (map 24, but the whole site is, er, thought-provoking.

  26. 26.

    RandomMonster

    One advantage the Babylonians had was if you drunk-cuneiformed a clay tablet last night telling the magistrate to go sit on a ziggurat, you still had all that time waiting for the clay to dry to rethink your response.

  27. 27.

    Almost Retired

    City kid that I am, I didn’t know sesames grow in fields.  I guess I just figured they grow on crackers.  So I learned something.

  28. 28.

    CaseyL

    I love this kind of thing.  It brings the (extreme) past alive.

    I could read an entire book consisting entirely of Ancient World translated customer service complaints.

  31. 31.

    Brachiator

    @RSA:

    Things were so much better before Twitter / cell phones / the Internet / television / radio / telegrams / literacy.

    Clay tablets back then. Electronic tablets today. An amazing continuity.

  34. 34.

    David ? ☘The Establishment☘? Koch

    Looks like they’ve been trying to kill Sesame Street longer than I thought

  35. 35.

    Splitting Image

    There’s a cuneiform tablet which got unearthed somewhere in Mesopotamia sent from a student to his mother complaining that the robe she sent him isn’t as nicely made as the robe some other boy’s mother sent him. Ergo, says the student, his mother must not love him as much as the other boy’s mother loves her son. From 1700 BC or so.

    Meanwhile, over in Egypt, there are surviving records of a court case in which the mayor of the east half of Thebes sued the mayor of the west half of Thebes for being in cahoots with the grave robbers who were looting the royal tombs (which are all on the west side of the Nile). Also records of pyramid workers going on strike for more beer.

  36. 36.

    Comrade Colette

    @Hoppie: This one is a classic in the same genre. The place names are fun if you’re familiar with San Francisco. My house would be OK-ish, although there might occasionally be a little bit of water in the garage.

  40. 40.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    The call to the U.S. ambassador to Tajikistan came in Monday. On the line, two U.S. officials said, was Rep. Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.) with an unusual and urgent request: He needed assistance in transporting a huge amount of cash into the country, saying he was going to neighboring Afghanistan to rescue five American citizens, a woman and her four children, stuck in the country. They planned to hire a helicopter for the effort.

    Markwayne’s whereabouts, according to twitter, are currently unknown.

  41. 41.

    Another Scott

    It’s a day ending in “y”, so, let’s check in on the latest installment of how the GQP is – literally – attempting to obstruct justice.

    Thread:

    This may not be criminal, but it is a colorable law school exam question for obstruction of justice, worth the analysis. https://t.co/bY7DI2tdyW

    — OneHitPopehat (@Popehat) August 31, 2021

    Grr…

    Today’s the end of the month, so we’re all getting bombarded with e-mails to support our party and candidates. I know. It’s annoying. But donate if you’re able. We must to vote the monsters out.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  42. 42.

    HumboldtBlue

    If you’re looking for some sports the Djokovic v Rune US Open match on ESPN is a lot of fun.

    Djokovic is going for the calendar grand slam which hasn’t been done since Rod Laver in ’69 or so. Rune, his opponent is an 18-year-ol Dane and the top junior in the world and he just took the second set 7-6.

  47. 47.

    Ken

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Markwayne’s whereabouts, according to twitter, are currently unknown.

    Hmm, travelling with a large amount of currency in a nation with a recent history of civil war, political corruption, bandit activity, and Islamic separatism, on his way to a much larger example of same. Can’t imagine that anything bad could happen.

  49. 49.

    SFAW

    “Strong tablet to follow!”

    Which, in today’s “real ‘Murican” lingo, means a 700 mg tab of oxycodone.

  51. 51.

    Feathers

    Dead thread, but I’ll post upstairs as well. The Tides Of History podcast is excellent and the current season is about pre-history, AKA before written history. Currently on the first empire in Babylonia! He has been going around the world, how the shift from hunter-gatherers to farmers differed by climate and geography, that “civilization” is very important, but overrated, just fascinating.

    He also has a great, soothing radio voice, perfect for unwinding at the end of the day.

  52. 52.

    Brachiator

    @Feathers:

    Dead thread, but I’ll post upstairs as well. The Tides Of History podcast is excellent and the current season is about pre-history.

    Looks like fun. Thanks.

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