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You are here: Home / Popular Culture / KULCHA! / Tuesday Evening Open Thread: … As Per My Last Tablet…

Tuesday Evening Open Thread: … As Per My Last Tablet…

by Anne Laurie|  August 31, 20216:15 pm| 54 Comments

This post is in: KULCHA!, Open Threads

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Why writing was *really* invented:

one of those moments where you absolutely feel the kinship of all human beings every where and at all times https://t.co/4lOwUTe8Jg

— flglmn (@flglmn) August 30, 2021

Some thousands of years from now, (not necessarily human) archaeologists will be painstakingly recreating email messages from mid-level managers of the Greater American Empire complaining about water allocation paperwork in the not-yet-undersea Californiate territories…

Lol this appears repeatedly in the replies apparently so really hitting home on the Universal Experience of “guy watching other stakeholders initiate a slowly unraveling trainwreck”

— The Mall Krampus (@cakotz) August 30, 2021

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Reader Interactions

54Comments

  1. 1.

    VeniceRiley

    August 31, 2021 at 6:20 pm

    His last submission was incorrectly formatted, prolly.

  2. 2.

    debbie

    August 31, 2021 at 6:20 pm

    Whining since 1684 B.C.

  3. 3.

    dm

    August 31, 2021 at 6:21 pm

    For a good (and thematically related) time, google “Ea-Nasir”

  4. 4.

    Danielx

    August 31, 2021 at 6:21 pm

    Some things really are universal.

  5. 5.

    dmsilev

    August 31, 2021 at 6:22 pm

    Submitting complaint forms in triplicate really sucked back then.

  6. 6.

    Cermet

    August 31, 2021 at 6:26 pm

    Farming in a semi-desert isn’t all its cracked up to be when your fellow humans also have a claim on the water. Shoulda voted for people that believed in climate warming, stupid.

  7. 7.

    Roger Moore

    August 31, 2021 at 6:27 pm

    We all know writing was actually invented by priests so they could keep track of who had delivered their tithe on time.

  8. 8.

    trollhattan

    August 31, 2021 at 6:29 pm

    @dmsilev: “To ensure legibility of third tablet, press REALLY HARD.”

    I can’t find any Babylonian recipes calling for sesame seeds, so the water master was probably just giving the old “screw you” to sesame farmer Bob.

  9. 9.

    debbie

    August 31, 2021 at 6:29 pm

    The replies are great, especially this one:

    I like to think about how annoyed you’d need to be to bother with sending a clay tablet.
    “It was short by 10 cubits AGAIN???” rubs temples “You know what, Baltazar? Go get the fucking clay. I’ve had enough of this. Is the kiln on?”
    — Timothy Quinn (@Timcorp1) August 31, 2021

  10. 10.

    Lacuna Synecdoche

    August 31, 2021 at 6:30 pm

    TheAncientWorld via Anne Laurie @ Top:

    A typical complaint fielded by Babylonian administrators: “I am not getting water for my sesame field. The sesame will die. Don’t tell me later, ‘You did not write to me.’ The sesame is visibly dying. Ibbi-Ilabrat saw it. That sesame will die, and I have warned you.”

    Narrator: The sesame died.​

  11. 11.

    RSA

    August 31, 2021 at 6:31 pm

    Things were so much better before Twitter / cell phones / the Internet / television / radio / telegrams / literacy.

  12. 12.

    prostratedragon

    August 31, 2021 at 6:31 pm

    @dmsilev:  The origin of slab-brick construction?

  13. 13.

    A Ghost to Most

    August 31, 2021 at 6:31 pm

    @Cermet: That sounds like the history of Colorado.

    “Whiskey’s for drinkin’. Water’s for fightin’over.”

  14. 14.

    Benw

    August 31, 2021 at 6:33 pm

    Did the back to school supplies run today. My youngest moving up to middle school means no more crayons and markers in the cart, unfortunately!

  15. 15.

    prostratedragon

    August 31, 2021 at 6:34 pm

    @debbie:  That is just what I thought, imagining someone furiously tapping away on an index card-sized tablet. And then there are the long lags while the things are moved about to give the pot more time to simmer.

  16. 16.

    BC in Illinois

    August 31, 2021 at 6:37 pm

    The eleven most terrifying words in the Akkadian language: “I’m from the Babylon Water Administration, and I’m here to help.”

  17. 17.

    mrmoshpotato

    August 31, 2021 at 6:37 pm

    @trollhattan:

    “To ensure legibility of third tablet, press REALLY HARD.” 

    To the point (no pun intended) of literally pounding on it with a chisel!

  18. 18.

    prostratedragon

    August 31, 2021 at 6:45 pm

    @trollhattan:  Don’t know the date of the tablet, but they did make tahini in ancient Mesopotamia, so a failed harvest and the water administrator might ultimately have heard from others. “What do you mean, you ‘can’t make any hummus?!'”

  19. 19.

    Sure Lurkalot

    August 31, 2021 at 6:46 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    We all know writing was actually invented by priests so they could keep track of who had delivered their tithe on time.

    That’s actually somewhat true. Writing was used (even fair to say invented) to keep track of inventory, levies, tribute, etc.

  20. 20.

    debbie

    August 31, 2021 at 6:47 pm

    @prostratedragon:

    One of the replies indicates that sesame is very drought tolerant. So maybe the grower was needlessly worried.  ??‍♀️

  21. 21.

    Baud

    August 31, 2021 at 6:49 pm

    I wonder if Ibbi-Ilabrat was like, “Leave me out of this, man. I don’t want no trouble.”

  22. 22.

    Ten Bears

    August 31, 2021 at 6:49 pm

    Some thousands of years from now, cockroach archaeologists will dig down through layers of asphalt, ABS pipe and fiberglass cigarette butts and won’t have any trouble at all figuring out how we chocked in our own flatulence. Don’t know about why …

  23. 23.

    prostratedragon

    August 31, 2021 at 6:55 pm

    @debbie:  Yeah, either that or they usually got a little bit of water each season. Trust me on this: a cactus can die of thirst, which is why I prefer pets to plants. I need meowing.

  24. 24.

    Lacuna Synecdoche

    August 31, 2021 at 7:01 pm

    Baud:

    I wonder if Ibbi-Ilabrat was like, “Leave me out of this, man. I don’t want no trouble.”

    “C’mon man. I still owe water taxes from last year and don’t need the attention. Don’t drag me into this. Please. I got my own chickpeas crop to worry about.”

  25. 25.

    Hoppie

    August 31, 2021 at 7:03 pm

    Here in the peoples republic of Hillcrest, Californiate Territory, we will be comfortably above sea level looking out at the new coastline   (map 24, but the whole site is, er, thought-provoking.

  26. 26.

    RandomMonster

    August 31, 2021 at 7:05 pm

    One advantage the Babylonians had was if you drunk-cuneiformed a clay tablet last night telling the magistrate to go sit on a ziggurat, you still had all that time waiting for the clay to dry to rethink your response.

  27. 27.

    Almost Retired

    August 31, 2021 at 7:07 pm

    City kid that I am, I didn’t know sesames grow in fields.  I guess I just figured they grow on crackers.  So I learned something.

  28. 28.

    CaseyL

    August 31, 2021 at 7:08 pm

    I love this kind of thing.  It brings the (extreme) past alive.

    I could read an entire book consisting entirely of Ancient World translated customer service complaints.

  29. 29.

    Evil_Paul

    August 31, 2021 at 7:11 pm

    I am getting this tablet as a tattoo.

  30. 30.

    Caphilldcne

    August 31, 2021 at 7:11 pm

    @prostratedragon: I too have underwatered a cactus and yes, I never grow indoor potted plants.

  31. 31.

    Brachiator

    August 31, 2021 at 7:18 pm

    @RSA:

    Things were so much better before Twitter / cell phones / the Internet / television / radio / telegrams / literacy.

    Clay tablets back then. Electronic tablets today. An amazing continuity.

  32. 32.

    SFBayAreaGal

    August 31, 2021 at 7:19 pm

    @CaseyL: Me too. I love seeing how the everyday person lived.

  33. 33.

    Citizen_X

    August 31, 2021 at 7:27 pm

    @Lacuna Synecdoche: I am imagining an eight-bit chariot. “YOUR SESAME CROP HAS DIED.”

  34. 34.

    David ? ☘The Establishment☘? Koch

    August 31, 2021 at 8:10 pm

    Looks like they’ve been trying to kill Sesame Street longer than I thought

  35. 35.

    Splitting Image

    August 31, 2021 at 8:18 pm

    There’s a cuneiform tablet which got unearthed somewhere in Mesopotamia sent from a student to his mother complaining that the robe she sent him isn’t as nicely made as the robe some other boy’s mother sent him. Ergo, says the student, his mother must not love him as much as the other boy’s mother loves her son. From 1700 BC or so.

    Meanwhile, over in Egypt, there are surviving records of a court case in which the mayor of the east half of Thebes sued the mayor of the west half of Thebes for being in cahoots with the grave robbers who were looting the royal tombs (which are all on the west side of the Nile). Also records of pyramid workers going on strike for more beer.

  36. 36.

    Comrade Colette

    August 31, 2021 at 8:29 pm

    @Hoppie: This one is a classic in the same genre. The place names are fun if you’re familiar with San Francisco. My house would be OK-ish, although there might occasionally be a little bit of water in the garage.

  37. 37.

    Betty

    August 31, 2021 at 8:31 pm

    @Almost Retired: I also had no idea how sesame is produced. Huh

  38. 38.

    Jeffro

    August 31, 2021 at 8:32 pm

    Made my night, thanks AL!

  39. 39.

    Jeffro

    August 31, 2021 at 8:32 pm

    @Brachiator: yes.  pictures to words and back again to pictures.  wheels within wheels ;)

  40. 40.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    August 31, 2021 at 8:38 pm

    The call to the U.S. ambassador to Tajikistan came in Monday. On the line, two U.S. officials said, was Rep. Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.) with an unusual and urgent request: He needed assistance in transporting a huge amount of cash into the country, saying he was going to neighboring Afghanistan to rescue five American citizens, a woman and her four children, stuck in the country. They planned to hire a helicopter for the effort.

    Markwayne’s whereabouts, according to twitter, are currently unknown.

  41. 41.

    Another Scott

    August 31, 2021 at 8:38 pm

    It’s a day ending in “y”, so, let’s check in on the latest installment of how the GQP is – literally – attempting to obstruct justice.

    Thread:

    This may not be criminal, but it is a colorable law school exam question for obstruction of justice, worth the analysis. https://t.co/bY7DI2tdyW

    — OneHitPopehat (@Popehat) August 31, 2021

    Grr…

    Today’s the end of the month, so we’re all getting bombarded with e-mails to support our party and candidates. I know. It’s annoying. But donate if you’re able. We must to vote the monsters out.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  42. 42.

    HumboldtBlue

    August 31, 2021 at 8:45 pm

    If you’re looking for some sports the Djokovic v Rune US Open match on ESPN is a lot of fun.

    Djokovic is going for the calendar grand slam which hasn’t been done since Rod Laver in ’69 or so. Rune, his opponent is an 18-year-ol Dane and the top junior in the world and he just took the second set 7-6.

  43. 43.

    John Revolta

    August 31, 2021 at 8:56 pm

    “Take a tablet, Davcina: ‘Dear Shadrach- okay, you’ve covered your ass.'”

  44. 44.

    prostratedragon

    August 31, 2021 at 8:57 pm

    @Caphilldcne:  A co-worker of my mother’s used to say, “You’re never the only one!”

  45. 45.

    persistentillusion

    August 31, 2021 at 9:13 pm

    @A Ghost to Most:  as a Coloradan, I am obliged to call you a low-land water thief. So there!

  46. 46.

    Miss Bianca

    August 31, 2021 at 9:16 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Wait, WTF?

     

    @CaseyL:

    I could read an entire book consisting entirely of Ancient World translated customer service complaints.

    LOL! Me too!

  47. 47.

    Ken

    August 31, 2021 at 9:38 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Markwayne’s whereabouts, according to twitter, are currently unknown.

    Hmm, travelling with a large amount of currency in a nation with a recent history of civil war, political corruption, bandit activity, and Islamic separatism, on his way to a much larger example of same. Can’t imagine that anything bad could happen.

  48. 48.

    Hoppie

    August 31, 2021 at 9:40 pm

    @John Revolta

    “Gotta start some new rice”?

     

     

    @John Revolta:

  49. 49.

    SFAW

    August 31, 2021 at 10:17 pm

    “Strong tablet to follow!”

    Which, in today’s “real ‘Murican” lingo, means a 700 mg tab of oxycodone.

  50. 50.

    SFAW

    August 31, 2021 at 10:18 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Markwayne’s whereabouts, according to twitter, are currently unknown.

    Maybe he and Tina Peters are hiking the Appalachian Trail?

  51. 51.

    Feathers

    August 31, 2021 at 10:44 pm

    Dead thread, but I’ll post upstairs as well. The Tides Of History podcast is excellent and the current season is about pre-history, AKA before written history. Currently on the first empire in Babylonia! He has been going around the world, how the shift from hunter-gatherers to farmers differed by climate and geography, that “civilization” is very important, but overrated, just fascinating.

    He also has a great, soothing radio voice, perfect for unwinding at the end of the day.

  52. 52.

    Brachiator

    August 31, 2021 at 11:25 pm

    @Feathers:

    Dead thread, but I’ll post upstairs as well. The Tides Of History podcast is excellent and the current season is about pre-history.

    Looks like fun. Thanks.

  53. 53.

    MontyTheClipArtMongoose

    August 31, 2021 at 11:40 pm

    @SFAW: might tajikistan be cover for tahiti, as appalachian covered for argentina?

  54. 54.

    SFAW

    September 1, 2021 at 12:40 am

    @MontyTheClipArtMongoose: 
    That information is on a need-to-know basis.
    Although I can’t imagine what rational person would have a need to know if Whatshisface is boinking Tina Peters.

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