• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • Comment
  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Polls are now a reliable indicator of what corporate Republicans want us to think.

The arc of the moral universe doesn’t bend itself. it’s up to us.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

The frogs are rarely mistaken.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

We still have time to mess this up!

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

No one could have predicted…

Second rate reporter says what?

The revolution will be supervised.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Somebody needs to explain to DeSantis that nobody needs to do anything to make him look bad.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Mobile Menu

  • Four Directions Montana
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • COVID-19 Coronavirus
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • 2024 Elections
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • Targeted Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Photo Blogging / On The Road / On The Road – Albatrossity – Favorite Birds

On The Road – Albatrossity – Favorite Birds

by WaterGirl|  April 1, 20245:00 am| 36 Comments

This post is in: On The Road, Photo Blogging

FacebookTweetEmail

On the Road is a weekday feature spotlighting reader photo submissions.

From the exotic to the familiar, whether you’re traveling or in your own backyard, we would love to see the world through your eyes.

Submit Your Photos

I am invariably asked “What’s your favorite bird?” whenever I give talks to elementary or middle school students, so I posed that question to a few fascists. Here are their responses!

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists 7

Donald J. Trump: I SEE A LOT OF BIRDS, BIGLY NUMBERS, WHEN I AM GOLFING OR DRIVING TO MY GOLF COURSES TO BURY MY EX-WIVES. SO LOTS OF PEOPLE COME UP AND ASK ME, “SIR, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BIRD?”. THAT’S A REALLY HARD QUESTION, AND IT WASN’T EVEN ON THE DEMENTIA TEST THAT I ACED THAT ONE TIME! IS IT THE COVFEFE CANOODLER? OR THE SHARPIE-TAILED CISTICOLA? NO, THOSE ARE BOTH TOO WOKE!!!!!!  IT IS THE GREAT FLIGHTLESS GRIFTER, WHICH MANY PEOPLE SAY IS THEIR FAVORITE BIRD TOO!

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists 6

Melania Trump: When I was girl growing up in old country, dreaming of getting a genius visa so that I could come to America, the greatest country in world, I loved to watch the Slovenian Fig-tosser bird. My parents had fig tree, and lots of Fig-tossers came to see it. Tossing the figs was favorite pastime of all my friends as well. Both of them! You probably have never seen one, or even been to Slovenia. I really don’t care, do you?

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists 5

Donald J. Trump, Jr.: Believe me, I have seen lots of birds, and some of them are not even hallucinations! My father has shown me many of them, on our many camping and fishing outings together back in my perfect childhood, and that’s what makes him a great dad, even if he is flushing my inheritance down his goddamn golden toilet. But he and I have a different favorite bird, and mine is the White-nosed Jailbird. Only found around Leavenworth Kansas, for some reason. If they could cover the whole country, that would really MAGA!

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists 3

Jared Kushner: In my travels to the Middle East to jury-rig (pun not intended) a new plan for World Peace, as well as to hobnob with my BFF Mohammed Bonesaw, I came across a bird which is my new favorite. It’s the Pencil-necked Weaselbird, which unfortunately lives on beautiful beaches in Gaza and might soon be extincted by my brilliant plans for resort hotels there. I certainly hope so, anyway!

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists 4

Lara Trump: I’m so busy siphoning money from the RNC these days that I barely have time for birding! But when I do, I long for a sighting of my favorite, the Shit-headed Cowbird. Some say it looks a lot like Ronna Romney, but I think it is beautiful!

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists 2

Justice Samuel Alito: The Leaking Limpdick is my favorite bird, because it comes in my favorite judicial colors! And its name is so evocative of what well-meaning White Christian Nationalists stand for! If there are dissenting opinions, well, those folks can just go suck eggs. In Alabama. Or wherever. Unfortunately, if we ban mifepristone and other sexual aids from interstate shipping, its favorite food, Viagra, might also be banned, and would have to be smuggled in from China. It’s getting harder and harder to be a Limpdick these days!

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists 1

Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk: Here in the panhandle, where tumbleweeds are lawn art and dust is a condiment, we have one of the prettiest birds in the world. The Bump-chested Slutjay, which can only be found here in the great state of Texas. There are oodles of them on the campus of Texas Tech University, just down the road from my watchtower in Amarillo. I visit there often, just to watch Slutjays preen and strut and show off their bumps. But I can’t follow them to their favorite spring-break habitat, the beaches at South Padre Island. Even though I approve of that great patriarchal name, it’s just too much to see them go wild there. I have to stay in the watchtower, or I might be tempted to install that porn-watching nanny software that Pastor Mike Johnson recommended to me.

On The Road - Albatrossity - Favorite birds of favorite fascists

Mike Lindell: You might think that I would be into very soft fluffy birds, just like my over-priced pillows, but actually I am allergic to feathers. So I pay good money, which I made by being a great capitalist in the greatest country in the world, to travel to Antarctica to see my favorite bird, the Feckless Puffbird, which don’t let people get close enough for allergies. Beautiful feckless birds, kin to the Flightless Grifter, the favorite bird of the greatest president ever, who had his great election ripped out of his tiny feckless hands.  And who needs Feck? Not me! Not you! Not anyone! Of course, it makes zero sense to be a tiny and nearly featherless bird in that wretched climate, but that’s why it’s my favorite bird. I love lots of things that make no sense at all!

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « Late Night Schadenfreude Open Thread: The Higher the Monkey Climbs…
Next Post: Monday Morning Open Thread: Another Week, Same Old Battles »

Reader Interactions

  • Commenters
  • Filtered
  • Settings

Commenters

No commenters available.

  • Albatrossity
  • Andrya
  • Argiope
  • Baud
  • BigJimSlade
  • cope
  • currawong
  • Don
  • Donatellonerd
  • Dorothy A. Winsor
  • eclare
  • Eunicecycle
  • frosty
  • HumboldtBlue
  • Jay
  • Jim Appleton
  • lashonharangue
  • One of the Many Jens
  • Planetjanet
  • Rob
  • Scuffletuffle
  • SiubhanDuinne
  • Spanish Moss
  • SteveinPHX
  • stinger
  • StringOnAStick
  • suilebhan
  • TBone
  • Tony Jay
  • Wag
  • Wanderer
  • WaterGirl
  • way2blue
  • who postef this?
  • Yutsano

Filtered Commenters

No filtered commenters available.

    Settings




    Settings are saved immediately; press X to close the box.

    36Comments

    1. 1.

      WaterGirl

      March 31, 2024 at 9:41 am

      We wanted to do something fun and political for OTR on April Fools Day.  I thought Albatrossity could supply the bird pics and we could enlist Tony Jay for the blurbs, but Albatrossity ran with it and totally hit it out of the park!  Take a bow, Albatrossity!

      Reply
    2. 2.

      Donatellonerd

      April 1, 2024 at 5:28 am

       

      many thanks to Albatrossity (and WaterGirl) for this. i was briefly confused but …

      a

      Reply
    3. 3.

      Don

      April 1, 2024 at 5:51 am

      Nicely done.

      Reply
    4. 4.

      Scuffletuffle

      April 1, 2024 at 6:00 am

      Love it!

      Reply
    5. 5.

      Jay

      April 1, 2024 at 6:15 am

      Thank you Albatrossy, wonderful.

      Reply
    6. 6.

      eclare

      April 1, 2024 at 6:21 am

      OMG this is brilliant.  Bravo, Albatrossity!

      Reply
    7. 7.

      Tony Jay

      April 1, 2024 at 6:36 am

      Excellent work, love it.

      Reply
    8. 8.

      Rob

      April 1, 2024 at 6:59 am

      This is awesome!

      Reply
    9. 9.

      frosty

      April 1, 2024 at 7:01 am

      Nicely done! The first two looked enough like real birds that I thought there might be a key at the end. Good job channeling Tony Jay!

      Reply
    10. 10.

      SteveinPHX

      April 1, 2024 at 7:42 am

      This is great! Makes for a happy Monday morning! Thanks.

      Reply
    11. 11.

      Spanish Moss

      April 1, 2024 at 7:53 am

      Hilarious!

      Reply
    12. 12.

      Argiope

      April 1, 2024 at 8:02 am

      This is the perfect way to start a Monday. I had to put down my covfefe at pencil-necked weasel-bird, especially for “extincted.” How does the shit-headed cowbird actually look like Lara Trump’s Indignation face? Brilliant.

      Reply
    13. 13.

      Planetjanet

      April 1, 2024 at 8:46 am

      Spoiler!  Yes, the first couple had me thinks they were real birds with comic write-ups. The weaselbird started the doubt.  Great work by Albatrossity.

      Reply
    14. 14.

      lashonharangue

      April 1, 2024 at 8:50 am

      Well done!

      Reply
    15. 15.

      Wag

      April 1, 2024 at 9:52 am

      Perfect!

      Reply
    16. 16.

      Eunicecycle

      April 1, 2024 at 10:06 am

      Hilarious! And I had forgotten about April Fool’s Day!

      Reply
    17. 17.

      who postef this?

      April 1, 2024 at 10:33 am

      Always good to begin a day with uplifting visions.  The birds look fantastic!

      Reply
    18. 18.

      cope

      April 1, 2024 at 10:40 am

      Fabulous and fun, thank you.

      Reply
    19. 19.

      Wanderer

      April 1, 2024 at 10:55 am

      Most excellent

      Reply
    20. 20.

      StringOnAStick

      April 1, 2024 at 12:07 pm

      That brought the first laugh of the day, then many more!  Thank you!

      Reply
    21. 21.

      BigJimSlade

      April 1, 2024 at 12:27 pm

      Bravo!

      Reply
    22. 22.

      Yutsano

      April 1, 2024 at 12:50 pm

      I didn’t know Albatrossity was also the ghost writer for Alexandra Petri! Well done good sir!

      Reply
    23. 23.

      suilebhan

      April 1, 2024 at 1:03 pm

      Excellent!  Great way to start my day.  Thanks.

      Reply
    24. 24.

      Albatrossity

      April 1, 2024 at 2:17 pm

      Thanks, all. Making fun of these bozos is really shooting fish in a barrel, but enjoyable at the same time!

      Reply
    25. 25.

      stinger

      April 1, 2024 at 2:48 pm

      Well… this was… unexpected.

       

      And hilarious!

      Reply
    26. 26.

      Baud

      April 1, 2024 at 4:10 pm

      👍

      Reply
    27. 27.

      Dorothy A. Winsor

      April 1, 2024 at 4:23 pm

      The birds are a hilarious match to the quotes.

      Reply
    28. 28.

      SiubhanDuinne

      April 1, 2024 at 4:32 pm

      Terrific, and thank you for reposting! Great stuff!

      Reply
    29. 29.

      TBone

      April 1, 2024 at 4:37 pm

      Good job 🤣 Albatrossity!  Apparently there was another Lords Prayer incident.  “You will be shocked to learn that he doesn’t know the words.”

      https://crooksandliars.com/2024/04/watch-bible-salesman-donald-trump-try-say

      Reply
    30. 30.

      HumboldtBlue

      April 1, 2024 at 4:38 pm

      The Fig-tosser! Hahahahahahahahahahaha

      Reply
    31. 31.

      One of the Many Jens

      April 1, 2024 at 5:36 pm

      Nicely done! I’m not sure which I like most – the realish ones like the first two or the phoebe-ish “cowbird” or Alito!

      Reply
    32. 32.

      way2blue

      April 1, 2024 at 5:37 pm

      Love the first bird.  But would hate to see it in the wild.  Oof.

      Reply
    33. 33.

      Andrya

      April 1, 2024 at 5:52 pm

      Love it!  The Trump message is even Trumpier than Trump’s actual Easter message, which I would not have thought possible!  Truly a work of art!

      Reply
    34. 34.

      currawong

      April 1, 2024 at 5:55 pm

      OK! Who forgot Eric?

      Reply
    35. 35.

      WaterGirl

      April 1, 2024 at 6:51 pm

      @currawong: Everyone? :-)

      Reply
    36. 36.

      Jim Appleton

      April 1, 2024 at 7:04 pm

      @WaterGirl: test reply

      Reply

    Leave a Comment

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    If you don't see both the Visual and the Text tab on the editor, click here to refresh.

    Clear Comment

    To reply to more than one person, click the X to save & close the box.

    Primary Sidebar

    Recent Comments

    • Baud on Cold Grey Pre-Dawn Open Thread: Fading Neom Dreams (Apr 17, 2024 @ 6:44am)
    • NotMax on COVID-19 Coronavirus Updates: April 17, 2024 (Apr 17, 2024 @ 6:33am)
    • raven on COVID-19 Coronavirus Updates: April 17, 2024 (Apr 17, 2024 @ 6:25am)
    • ColoradoGuy on Cold Grey Pre-Dawn Open Thread: Fading Neom Dreams (Apr 17, 2024 @ 6:24am)
    • NotMax on Cold Grey Pre-Dawn Open Thread: Fading Neom Dreams (Apr 17, 2024 @ 6:20am)

    🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

    Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
    Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

    Balloon Juice Posts

    View by Topic
    View by Author
    View by Month & Year
    View by Past Author

    Balloon Juice Meetups!

    All Meetups
    Talk of Meetups – Meetup Planning
    Proposed BJ meetups list from frosty

    Fundraising 2023-24

    Wis*Dems Supreme Court + SD-8
    Virginia House Races
    Four Directions – Montana
    Worker Power AZ
    Four Directions – Arizona
    Four Directions – Nevada

    Featuring

    Medium Cool
    Artists in Our Midst
    Authors in Our Midst
    Positive Climate News
    War in Ukraine
    Cole’s “Stories from the Road”
    Classified Documents Primer

    Calling All Jackals

    Site Feedback
    Nominate a Rotating Tag
    Submit Photos to On the Road
    Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup
    Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
    Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)

    Fix Nyms with Apostrophes

    Balloon Juice for Ukraine

    Donate

    Twitter / Spoutible

    Balloon Juice (Spoutible)
    WaterGirl (Spoutible)
    TaMara (Spoutible)
    John Cole
    DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
    Betty Cracker
    Tom Levenson
    David Anderson
    Major Major Major Major
    ActualCitizensUnited

    Political Action 2024

    Postcard Writing Information

    Balloon Juice for Four Directions AZ

    Donate

    Balloon Juice for Four Directions NV

    Donate

    Site Footer

    Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

    • Facebook
    • RSS
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
    • Comment Policy
    • Our Authors
    • Blogroll
    • Our Artists
    • Privacy Policy

    Copyright © 2024 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

    Insert/edit link

    Enter the destination URL

    Or link to existing content

      No search term specified. Showing recent items. Search or use up and down arrow keys to select an item.
        Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

        Email sent!