Woke up to a beautiful morning and my favorite kind of weather- btw, I love the fact that I can go to bed at 1 and wake up at 6:30 and be completely refreshed. I need so much less sleep these days but feel so much more refreshed when I wake up. At any rate, 50 degrees, blue skies, crisp clean air- reminds me of doing PT in the early morning hours in Germany. Some of you sent me some nice emails telling me to try to be positive and it will be a self-fulfilling act. So I got the dogs and started on a five mile walk.
Halfway through the walk, at the farthest point away from my house on the route I had planned, a bird flew over head and unleashed a stream of bird shit on my right ear, cheek, neck, and shoulder.
In my attempts to remain positive, I have gone from being metaphorically shit on by the world to actually being shit on by the world.
I’m going to go cut the grass. I hope I don’t lose a foot.
rikyrah
There are six federal agencies investigating in Ferguson according to a reporter on Up with Steve Kornacki.
Anyone want to remotely believe that any other President would have them in Ferguson?
rikyrah
Don’t cut yourself, Cole.
FInd a youngun to cut your grass.
Chickamin Slam
Go eat some grass clippings Comrade Cole. We hate/love you too!
WereBear
To look on the positive side, it could have been dead center on the top of your head.
See! That’s how you do it! :)
Mudge
Steve has been killing birds…payback.
David
Glad you are doing so well. You should know that some cultures (Italians for instance) consider birds hitting you with their leavings to be good luck. I found this, as well:
“It is a very good omen. When bird droppings land on your head many people believe this to be a major sign of wealth coming from heaven. Hence,although it is really yucky and a major inconvenience, when something like this happens to you, take comfort in the fact that this is described as good luck being just around the corner. In fact, most things associated with birds tend to spell good fortune, such as when birds fly to your home and begin making nests in and around your house. While bats bring abundance, birds bring good news and opportunities. Birds are also said to be powerful protectors and guardians. Even crows are said to be messengers of the Gods. So, welcome birds with open arms.”
Hope that an equally massive good thing is heading your way.
Aimai
Love you, john. Managed my sevond twenty minute bike ride of the year/ week here on the cape. So massively out of shape. No bird poop though!
Ramalama
A bird proffering its merde to you is considered to be very good luck!
Take off your WTF W.Virginia hat (if that’s where you live, I forget now between the two Virginias), and try on ye olde I’m pretending to be a French Weirdo hat. Just for an hour or a day.
Violet
I hope you laughed. Because that’s funny as he’ll. Annoying for sure. But hilarious.
rikyrah
Is Race An Issue In Ferguson? Depends On Whom You Ask
Brown’s death and fiery rallies exposed two cities that exist in one. Some residents say, “It’s one of the most racist places there is.” But the mayor insists, “There’s not a black-white divide in Ferguson.”
posted on Aug. 15, 2014, at 11:07 p.m.
Joel AndersonBuzzFeed Staff
FERGUSON, Missouri — From his neatly-manicured front yard, Peter Tries could hear sirens in the distance. But the armored vehicles bristling with officers wielding assault rifles, the large cable TV news trucks, and all the other scenes that flooded America from his hometown of Ferguson — none of that happened in his neighborhood. And he objects to the view of his hometown as a cauldron of racial tension.
“I think this whole thing is getting blown out of proportion,” said Tries, who is white and 35 years old. “There’s never been any kind of race thing here. It’s something I never even think about.”
Over at the Prime Time Beauty & Barber Shop, a social hub in the black part of town, folks see it differently. “They treat us like criminals,” said barber Branden Turner, who’s worked at the shop for a few years. They described officers routinely waiting for customers to leave so they could give them traffic tickets, search for drugs, or ask them for identification so they could run a background check.
buzzfeed.com/joelanderson/is-race-an-issue-in-ferguson-depends-on-who-you-ask
Keith G
The bird was just nature’s way of saying “Hello welcome to nature. There are things out here that don’t have the same agenda you do, but enjoy anyway.”
That was a rather benign way of delivering the message. When I was in high school, my best friend and I went wilderness backpacking. On our third day out, a bear ravaged our food supplies. Always remember when you go out to do nature, nature wants to do you.
freelancer
So you got shat on, you lucky bastard.
Give some back.
John Cole +0
@Violet: I laughed twice. The first because it happened, the second because my reaction was to state out loud “You have to be shitting me.” Then I realized how funny that reaction was.
Violet
@John Cole +0: Just reading that made me laugh. Glad you kept your sense of humor.
OzarkHillbilly
Must have been a Foo bird. And you know what they say, “If the Foo sh!ts, wear it.”
Mustang Bobby
@John Cole +0: Be glad that cows don’t fly.
CarolDuhart2
@rikyrah: Some mayor. All week long we haven’t heard a word from him either supporting a side or at least calling for calm. I remember all of the riots where I live, and the very least, our mayor had a press conference and called for calm, met with community leaders and sympathized with victims.
Even Bush during 911 came out and at least spoke to people after a day or two. This guy didn’t even appear at the press conference or try to speak to his alienated citizens at all. Alderman French was doing what the mayor should have done.
jurassicpork
How would you like to be mentioned in my upcoming novel’s acknowledgements page and trailer? How about a free, signed copy and a personalized dedication? Or how about having a character named after you? All this and more can be yours if you participate in my homemade Kickstarter drive.
Valdivia
You’re positive outlook combines beautifully with your mordant sense of humour. Itresll is good luck, so I think you’ll be safe with the grass ;)
Citizen_X
Hoo boy, you been fertilized!
everbluegreen
Wow, this made my morning better. Thank you! And don’t go near any sharp objects any time soon.
MoeLarryAndJesus
John Cole, Shit Magnet.
Steve Q
when i quit drinking, it’s shocking how much better i feel in the mornings.
Sir Laffs-a-Lot
or “John Cole: Avian Karma Magnet.”
gogol's wife
The weather has been incredibly beautiful in the Northeast. But I’m trying to write something, so I don’t even notice until the day is gone. When I finish this book, I’m going to try to enjoy the outdoors once again. Right now I just see it through the window.
Hoping to go see Magic in the Moonlight tomorrow. I’ll see anything with Colin Firth in it, although I fear it may not be very good.
Diana
@Mudge: I agree. Clearly they planned this.
rikyrah
stonekettle.com/2014/08/pressure-cooker.html?spref=tw
Gene108
Getting my engine oil and transmission fluid changed. Doing transmission fluid to keep high mileage car going.
Eating breakfast at nearby diner.
Also, w/ advice from the commetariate here, a few weeks ago, when I come back from the dealer, I am going to replace the hard drive on my Mac Book Pro, whose hard drive is going bad.
I am going to keep You Tubes of all the screws to take of going, while I work, on my iPad to minimize chances of screwing up.
Nutella
Heh, John. It could have been worse.
You could have been all dressed up on your way to a job interview, for instance.
And this happened once: Guy looks up and says “wow, do you see the size of that bird?” and the bird lets loose into his open mouth. That would have been worse.
GregB
John Cole, for doody and humanity.
Valdivia
@rikyrah:
Thank you for that link. Hard truths in there. Necessary truths.
rikyrah
chaunceydevega.com/2014/08/the-inevitable-niggerization-of-michael.html
Emma
@rikyrah: God almighty. They are totally clueless. Or willfully blind.
PaulW
IT’S EARLY VOTING IN FLORIDA for the Primaries, people!
Polls are open today!
It’s only good for this week 16th to 23rd.
The regular primary vote will be Tuesday August 26th.
Just remember to, for the LOVE OF GOD, not vote Republican. Oh, wait, we’re closed primaries. Sigh. Okay, save that for the regular vote in November…
To all non-party voters, YOU CAN still vote in this primary for local elections such as school boards and judges. Please read up on the best possible candidates for those: they may be non-partisan but the candidates still are, so watch it you don’t vote for any wingnuts.
PaulW
@rikyrah:
“It depends on who you ask…” even though there are more obvious hints and clues such as a case history of racial profiling, the levels of poverty, the bizarre reality of how the community is mostly black but the elected officials and police force are mostly white…
/headdesk
rikyrah
DNLee @DNLee5
According to #ferguson store owner, the Police didnt issue warrant for video or Visit store until Friday, before the Press conference
negative 1
Those two quotes don’t necessarily argue against each other. The citizens may well not be racist and get along while the police are racist and targeting minorities. Providence RI fit that description to a tee under Cianci when I lived there in the early 00’s.
MattF
@Emma: Unfortunately, I disagree. At best they are elaborating ‘facts’ to keep their worldviews consistent with observed reality. At worst…
Chickamin Slam
@jurassicpork: I’ll have to agree with you on Kickstarter. Over $50,000 for a potato salad and the creators were like LOLZ, 15 minutes of fame baby! Kickstarter pulled the plug on the airbnb squatters second fake attempts at fundraising with them only through diligent efforts by those who had gotten fleeced the first time. Meanwhile a friend could not get anyone to help with his idea for a photo exhibit. Oh well. He made those up for nothing I guess.
If you want to look at the end results of years spent in futility look here. >.>
darkskywest.com/
He doesn’t care anymore.
As for books, everyone I know self publishes now. “Here read my book. It’s about a time machine that goes back to (insert some war here).”
Felonius Monk
@Aimai: Last time I was on the Cape, I pulled into a parking lot to turn around with my elbow hanging out the open driver’s side window and got shit on by one of the local gulls that hang out in the parking lots. So the world shits on you sometimes, even on the Cape.
Suzanne
Cole, you are a riot. I hope you look back on this and laugh.
When I was a teenager, I worked at Petsmart for a little while. Some pigeons had gotten into the store and were making a mess, so my manager decided to have someone come in and shoot them, and were all supposed to NOT TALK ABOUT IT. The day the shooting was supposed to happen, one of them crapped on his bald head.
I love pigeons.
Mike in NC
Actual headline in our local wingnut newspaper: “Are Police Prepared to Handle Resident Riots?”
No, let’s take up a collection to buy them a few MRAPs, you shitheads.
Uncle Jeffy
Glad to see you’re back and in “fightin’ trim” – wish you all the best.
And does it seem odd to anyone else that the Ferguson PD discovered Michael Brown was a suspect in a crime just as the heat on the heat was being turned up?
Iowa Old Lady
The bird stories here made me laugh out loud several times. So a good start to my day, anyway.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Ramalama:
I have also heard tell of this.
FlyingToaster
This reminded me of Herod Agrippa in Claudius the God.
Hopefully this is the good fortune version as in page 47, and not the rotting worm disease on page 364 :)
I second the motion of getting a kid to cut the grass today. Sharp objects are contraindicated.
ruemara
It’s supposed to be good luck. I’ve not been shat on for decades and my life makes people cry. The new car is sitting in the parking lot with a check engine light on. I got about 3 weeks of luxurious driving with the AC on.
Uncle Cosmo
@Violet: I give you the last verse of Tom Lehrer’s Christmas Carol:
rikyrah
Hawaii’s Schatz beats primary challenger in storm-delayed Democratic race
Published August 16, 2014
Associated Press
Hawaii Democratic Sen. Brian Schatz fended off a primary challenger Friday night after the dramatic election was extended nearly a week over Tropical Storm Iselle.
Schatz defeated Rep. Colleen Hanabusa after a makeup election for more than 8,000 voters in two remote precincts that were clobbered by a tropical storm.
The race divided Hawaii’s political establishment over who would fill the term of the late Sen. Daniel Inouye.
foxnews.com/politics/2014/08/16/storm-hit-hawaii-voters-decide-us-senate-primary/
Goblue72
@rikyrah: Now now, don’t be hasty. It can’t be quite that simple. These things are too complex to boil down to the white devil.
Mike E
@Suzanne: One does not get shat upon by a pigeon; one gets a splosion of shit, an experience one never forgets.
Good thing the terminus had a restroom sink handy or I would’ve worn that foo all day long. Yikes.
scav
@Mike in NC: Hey Hey NRA! They win on both counts if the boys in badges start an arming spurt. That should reinvignorate the gun base arming up against the (generally theorized rather than experienced) threat of govt over-reach and jackbooting. Need to move the new models out the doors. Job creation!
ascap_scab
This needs a meme.
#ColeBPositive – You don’t live in Ferguson.
#ColeBPositive – Limbaugh isn’t mocking your death.
Goblue72
@rikyrah: Testify.
Mark Kanicki
In some cultures getting crapped on by a bird is a sign of good luck….so there’s that.
kindness
The Bluebird of happiness shits on John’s right ear, cheek, neck, and shoulder.
Now that’s a lot of happiness.
When we were kids we used to run our speed boats through flocks of Seagulls floating on the water. Nothing is bigger than a load of Seagull poop when it takes off. You’d think that it was from a flying cow or something. Consider yourself lucky John Cole.
shelley
You can think that you look like Radagast the Brown. I remember when ‘The Hobbit’ came out, you kept going on about ‘what’s that stuff on the side of his head and beard?’
Uncle Cosmo
@jurassicpork: Um–already had a character named after me in published novel, many years ago. After I panned the author’s first book in a review for a minor metropolitan newspaper, he used my monicker (with the first name Latinized) in his next thriller for a minor character & killed him off at the outset. Nice way to strike back at one’s critics. At least he read the review. Maybe it is in fact elimination that’s the sincerest form of flattery…
The Ancient Randonneur
I believe the birds call that game Call of Doody.
Tommy
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) I have heard the same.
OzarkHillbilly
@Emma: How about neither? Just ignorant? When one is white it is real easy to ignorant about race and how different it is for blacks than it is for yourself. I lived in Jennings (next to Ferguson) and spent a lot of time in Ferguson (12 years ago) I loved it. There was nothing like racial distrust between whites and blacks there. It was just people. Being white and in the minority did not feel abnormal and I certainly never felt persecuted by the gov’t. What ever racial problems there may have been, weren’t my problems. Because I was white, I did not have a problem. Because I did not have a badge, I don’t think any blacks thought I was a part of their problem. Therefor it was easy to be ignorant of the racial issues. And it would have taken work and time to become aware of them. Work and time I was spending on my own issues,
How would I, a white man in Jennings, know how those N county municipalities were racially profiling? I mean, other than the one time I was pulled over by a cop with his hand on his gun for DWB, I never had to face it. (true story, I am darker than some blacks, I just thought he was looking for a black man driving a red p/u who had just done something).
When you are white, even when you know there is racism, you never really know how bad it is.Why would I?
And so, my overwhelming reaction to all of this has been one of complete sadness for what is happening to a town I loved, and a desire for the rage, no matter how understandable, to subside, and the hope that maybe this time we will actually deal with this because the only way we can ever really heal is to deal with the root of the problem. Michael Brown was not the problem, what happened to him was, and that was happening long before he walked out his door that morning.
But we won’t. Because not doing anything is easier than doing something. Because screaming at the internet feels good and self righteous and reaffirming. And it’s easy. Doing something about it all? That takes work. And it’s hard and we all have jobs and families and our own little problems and and and
And that all goes for me too.
Genine
That’s actually a positive thing, John. It’s a sign you’re on the right track!
Uncle Cosmo
Um, Ser Cole–Be of good cheer–you are not alone..
LAC
@Violet: amen. That made me chuckle and it was a palate cleanser after this shitty week. (Palate cleanser ? Shitty week? The puns keep coming. )
rikyrah
but but …..GOP WAVE Election!
Claude Gauvin
@GauvinClaude
Follow
2014 Generic Congressional Vote: FOX News: Dems 46%, GOP 39% : Dems + 7, CBS News: Dems 41% GOP: 37%: Dems +4 #POLLS
10:51 PM – 15 Aug 2014
shortstop
When we’re in Italy, the rule is the person who gets pooped on has to buy the coffee.
YellowJournalism
Friend was washing her car on a hot day. She started sweating and kept having to push the sweat off her forehead. As she was finishing up, she saw her reflection and realized she’d been wiping bird shit that was dripping from the top of her head.
Emma
@OzarkHillbilly: I was going to resort to nastyness (the side effects of my meds are being particularly vicious today) but I think I will be civilized. I know all that. To paraphrase one of my favorite authors, what would a fish know about water? It’s just that at times it’s astonishing to be faced with such clear examples of it.
And, you know, ignorance is curable. All it takes is the desire to learn.
Tommy
@OzarkHillbilly: I didn’t know you lived that close to Ferguson. Knew from your comments you lived near there at a time, where I live, but no idea that close.
You also did something in your post which I think is important. You said his name. Michael Brown. IMHO every post should use his name. He isn’t some dude or guy.He is Michael Brown. Michael Brown. IMHO that name needs to be said over and over again. Michael Brown.
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
Good news, Cole. Keep it up. If we appreciate the absurdity I life, we will be pleasantly surprised almost constantly.
WereBear
@Tommy: That’s a great point!
Burnspbesq
Congrats to WNBA players Brittney Griner and Glory Johnson, who announced their engagement yesterday. Where they will get married is an interesting question; none of the states in which they live or play (TX and AZ for Griner, TN and OK for Johnson) allow it.
max
In my attempts to remain positive, I have gone from being metaphorically shit on by the world to actually being shit on by the world.
Fruit actually sitting on the ground: Shit happens!
I’m going to go cut the grass. I hope I don’t lose a foot.
Don’t stick your foot under the mower to see if the blade is still rotating and I expect you’ll be fine.
max
[‘I hear the ladies love a man that mops in the nude. };>’]
peej
You need to watch out when mowing the lawn, Cole. I worked with a guy who cut off one of his toes while mowing. He lost control of the mower while pushing it up a slope, and it ran over his foot. Of course, he was also an idiot at work.
becca
@OzarkHillbilly: Just wanted to ask if you have visited OTB in the last couple of days. Servers down, according to Safari. Or ipad has personal problem with Mataconis, I dunno.
Ruckus
John
One of the many reasons I like to show up on your doorstep here is your ability to get shit upon and keep going. Most of us know at least the metaphorical shitting upons life can give us, some of us know them first hand and then others know actual shit. I think it may be rare to find someone who fits in all three categories.
I do have to say, and of course it’s at your expense, I laughed pretty good at your morning stroll. It could have been worse. Could have been a bigger bird.
Tommy
@Burnspbesq: I recall Brittney Griner coming out as gay. The sports media were like so what. No story here. They did not care. I always felt that was how it should be.
Lwood
John, in 1986 I rode from near Montgomery,AL to Terre Haute ,IN with my sister and her family. They had gotten a job in an Alcoa Aluminum plant. I was driving their car and helping move them into their apartment. My wife was going to drive 560 miles to visit and pick me up. My sister and bro-in-law got me a room at the Holiday Inn. I was sitting in the room on a Wednesday morning when I noticed an older couple peering in the window at me. I opened the door and inquired if I could help them. “We think that you might be in our room”. Sure enough, after checking with the front desk, I was no longer entitled to the room. A mix-up and the hotel was hosting a WW2 paratrooper reunion. They called themselves “Ali Baba and the 40 thieves”. At any rate I was standing on the sidewalk , after vacating as gracefully as I could, with my traveling stuff, 560 miles from Sweethome, waiting on my wife to drive up sometime. Wonder what else could happen? jYep , some Hoosier bird left me a good and plenty on my left shoulder. It was also loud. The wife and her friend drove up 5 minutes later, I didn’t think it was as funny as they did. So when a bird lightens his load I think of Terre Haute.
PsiFighter37
I wrote a first draft of my wedding vows last night. Goddamn, that was difficult – almost 3 hours to write what probably won’t be more than 1.5-2 minutes of speaking. Part of me just wants to wing it; I feel like I’m naturally a much better speaker off the cuff than I am reading off a script. Especially for something that is pretty personal, it just makes it that more difficult to put pen to paper.
My fiancee (I let her read it, because she will bawl her eyes out if I include stuff that’s too schmaltzy that she hasn’t heard yet) thought it was ‘okay’…so I think I need to go back to the drawing board a little tomorrow afternoon and touch it up a bit. It may also be difficult because it’s the first real piece of creative writing that I’ve done since high school (I don’t count political blogging in the same category).
raven
@PsiFighter37: “If I had more time I would have written you a shorter letter”.
Ruckus
@rikyrah:
This.
Yes. It. Is. About. Race.
At the base of so much is about racism. It is the ethos of our country. It absolutely should not be, but it is. Not everyone white is infected with this disease but way too many are. We have eradicated a number of diseases but we haven’t even tried to get to this one. It may yet destroy us, it’s already done a pretty good job. I wish I had even a bad answer, something, but I don’t.
D58826
My wife always had to wear a disguise when we walked on the boardwalk. For some reason she was the favorite target of the seagulls. When we move to Charlotte (300 miles from the seas) a flock of seagulls followed us into town just so their favorite target didn’t feel neglected
Lwood
When you walked your dogs, where was Steve? Did he delegate supervisory control to you? We lost our pup yesterday and I posted about it . She went into kidney failure and we had to ease her passing. Don’t let the bird stuff bother you cause you got to walk with your dog buddies
SiubhanDuinne
@Tommy:
This is a very important point. Thank you, Tommy.
scav
The other thing about suits and badges of Feguson officialdom, they’re bubble-living idiots and incompetent at their jobs. Do they even have the appearence of listening to the people living in the community? No, they just make pronoucements about things, ignoring all evidence to the contrary. They must have a remarkably restricted view of just who their constituents are to get up and announce there are no tensions in the community, must be those outsiders. Oh, yes, those renters, they’re not integrated into ‘us’, they’re a bit iffy. We’re protecting the good people of the town while stategically and surgically nerve-gassing those other elements that don’t count. (And, why the fuck is it legitimate to go full-bore on people from a different community, — the constitution and law doesn’t apply to them? We’ll only protect outsiders we choose to, remembering you’re only locals and good if the cops approve and you’ve apparently got a mortgage? furthermore really, You’re not local, you don’t pay local taxes, bring your own law-enforcement if you show up, ja dubious foreigners?) While I can understand Joe Backyard BBQ not understanding the lived experience cross-town, I rather expect elected officials and police officers to know rather more about the actual place than what they’ve picked up from their personal dinner parties. Can they put even a modicum of effort into diving into the larger job — of course not, silly me. Must be a day to be infuriated by the blindingly obvious. And pigeons have room for no other internal organs having been voided on by one.
Ruckus
@Lwood:
I’ve been through Terra Haute. Didn’t have a bird shit on me but the sentiment is there.
Now Muncie is a little different. Traveling with a friend and his wife, we stopped at their home there. His daughter came over and we talked for about 15 minutes and decided to play a joke on dear old dad. We told him that it was love at first sight and we were getting married. I thought we were going to have to call an ambulance for him. We lasted about 20 seconds before we cracked up. Did I mention she was about half my age? And that I was only about 10 yrs younger than dad? Yeah that helped the gag a bit.
Ruckus
@Suzanne:
Karma really is a bitch.
justwow
The world according to Cole
“How DARE the police not let people loot and riot in Ferguson”
Must be quite a hairball of logic going on inside Coles head!
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@justwow: It’s rather amazing that you are able to breathe and type at the same time.
Randy P
Actually one of my favorite Robert Frost poems describes a morning just like that.
The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.
Well, sort of just like that.
Truly, it is possible to change your attitude. I’m personally working on rage from other things I can’t change (mostly related to my daily commute) but if the bird poop thing had happened to me I would have laughed as I wiped it off with whatever leaves were handy. Because it IS funny, and I enjoy laughing at myself. I certainly give myself enough opportunity for mockery.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Lwood: I’m sorry for your loss. They leave such big paw prints on our hearts, and it’s never easy to help them leave us, even when we know it’s the kindest thing to do.
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):
From the sound of it he is quite familiar about “hairballs of logic”.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Ruckus: That was mean. Hilarious but mean.
trollhattan
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):
Objection: assumes facts not in evidence. Also, too, what a tool.
pamelabrown53
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):
If you strip @justwow, you’ll probably find rudimentary gills.
Ruckus
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
I can’t remember which one of us came up with the idea but I believe it was her. Yes that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Best, shortest engagement ever, less than 45 seconds and we got a grand laugh out of it.
ETA No sex though, now that would have killed dad on the spot.
khead
Stay out of Walmart.
Uncle Cosmo
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): Actually it’s probably easy with any of these products. And it uses the same orifice: Breathe in through the mouth, spout hatred out through the mouth…
Pogonip
John, you should obtain a full suit of armor. Put it on. Then crawl under the bed and never, ever leave your house again.
And never pick up a mop.
Emma
@Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name): You’re assuming humanity. The fact is not in evidence.
Bob In Portland
Someone once told me that getting shit on by a bird is supposed to be good luck. So maybe you just got lucky, John.
M31
(to the tune of “She’ll be comin’ round the mountain”)
Oh the Shite-Hawks they fly high in Mobile.
The Shite-Hawks they fly high in Mobile.
Oh the Shite-Hawks they fly high,
And they shit right in your eye,
It’s a good thing cows can’t fly, in Mobile.
[a song text I read 30 years ago and still remember, for some reason]
Villago Delenda Est
Well, I expect a blow by blow account of the trip to the ER if that happens.
CaseyL
At least it wasn’t a bat…
A few years ago, my aunt and I were in Cairns, Australia. Giant fruit bats, the “flying foxes,” live there.
Now, I love bats; and especially the flying foxes. So when my aunt and I were walking through town, and we under a huge tree, I looked up and saw a bunch of them hanging down napping. I said “Oh, wow! Bats! Lots of bats!” – probably louder than I should have.
Which started quite a few of the little guys, who reacted… as you might expect: shat themselves and flew off.
They missed me completely.
They did not miss my aunt.
I don’t think she’s ever quite forgiven me for that.
PS: There is nothing quite like seeing a colony of giant bats flying across the sky.
Villago Delenda Est
@justwow: DERP! DERP! DERP!
I said DERP, dammit!
Randy P
@M31: Don’t know that one, but I was very fond of this poem as a kid:
Birdie, birdie in the sky.
Why’d you do that in my eye?
I’ll be brave,
I won’t cry.
I’m just glad that cows don’t fly.
Villago Delenda Est
@Ruckus:
This is a trait I found common in my best troops. They soldier on despite the adversity, legitimate or artificially created by blockheaded higher ups.
askew
I am so sorry for laughing at your post, John. But, damn that’s funny.
These things just happen to some people. I am one of those people. Stuff like that happens to me on a regular basis. I figure I must have been a serious asshole in my last life.
Ramalama
@Felonius Monk:
…and sometimes the Cape has artists whose mediums are shit.
John Waters lives/usedta live in P-town.
Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name)
@Villago Delenda Est: When my ex and I used to go on trips, we would always wonder whether it would a good trip or an “adventure.” Adventures were things that would make great stories later on but were not that great at the time. Once you realized that your trip was an adventure, you just got on with it and resolved to make sure the stories were well told. FWIW a lot of trips involve some element of adventure.
Anoniminous
@rikyrah:
The overall problem is out of control cops. And not just in black neighborhoods but it is more blatant and amp’ed-to-11 in black neighborhoods.
Don’t know how to fix the problem but it seems to me getting cops out of their cars and walking the neighborhoods would be a good first step.
Ruckus
@Villago Delenda Est:
Moving on with shit on your head is the very definition of good troop.
You are going to get shit upon in the military one way or another, sometimes both at the same time. 100% guaranteed. If that flummoxes you, you are no good to anyone.
srv
Years ago, I suggested to Cole that he write a book. He said “what would I write about?”
His life is like a Seinfeld episode.
Villago Delenda Est
Speaking of shit, today’s gem of dumbshit from Noisemax:
Allen West: Obama Is an Islamist
The stupid. IT BURNS!
Villago Delenda Est
@srv:
It’s about nothing!
Debbie
Being hit like that by a bird is supposed to be a sign of good luck.
cckids
@WereBear:
Could have had your mouth open.
Bob In Portland
Vanishing point.
What goes down the memory hole.
SiubhanDuinne
@CaseyL:
Bats are wonderful! I follow about six different bat rescue organizations of Facebook (many of them in Australia), and they reward me with lots of pictures of baby bats learning to eat fruit, exercising their wings, getting baths from their carers, and eventually figuring out how to invert when they pee or poo. They have the sweetest faces in the world, and are invaluable for pollination and insect control. It kills me to read of the systematic culling and dispersal programs that are in place in so much of Oz. As an iconic wildlife PSA puts it: (Bat) No me, no tree. (Koala) No tree, no me.
scav
@Anoniminous: It’s not an either / or, same as my ranting about incompetent and lazy-ass officials both badged and unbadged above. There’s not really a ranking of causes here, it’s a Venn diagram where everything came together to really produce exactly these outcomes. Competent, diligent, well-intentioned government wouldn’t have neglected the social infrastructure of the community to that degree and be so blind as to the real situation even at this late date. Then we get into the infinite regress hairball of who elected the incompetents, and are they not voting because they’ve never seen it make a difference? Competent, non-out-of-control policing would have better community relations, might not have escalated to shooting in the first place, probably wouldn’t have left Mike Brown lying in the street for however long, wouldn’t have mismanaged relationships with the media and public to this degree let alone sound like amnesiac toddlers explaining away a broken empty cookie jar. But then, who hired and permitted the incompetent cops? See earlier infinite regress of governance and voting. The Racism circle of the Venn is so big it’s practically a given because don’t it just usually all come together in certain communities, go figure. Practically speaking, getting better policing might be the best first step, yes, have avoided this single specific event. But it won’t solve everything — competent racist cops probably would have done better than the actual Keystones but that’s nowhere near an ideal solution. Social infrastructure needs maintenance as much as physical.
greenergood
Reminds me of an incident 30+ years ago, on a student archeological trip to Greece. Sitting in an outdoor cafenion in Athens with our wonderful and incredibly dapper white-haired and mustachioed professor, sporting blue blazer and cravat, who receives the full fecal attention of an overhead passing pigeon. Resignedly pulls handkerchief from dapper blazer, wipes forehead and says ‘Oh well they say lightning never strikes twice’, only to be paid full pigeon fecal attention yet again, at which point we retired within.
I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet
Video or it didn’t happen, amirite?
Putin getting the treatment, or was he?.
;-)
Keep smiling JC.
Cheers,
Scott.
SiubhanDuinne
Cole just posted that he fell and dislocated his shoulder (the good one) and is on his way to the ER.
Might have been even worse without the bird shitting on him, I guess.
askew
@SiubhanDuinne:
Seriously? Oh no! That poor guy.
Bob In Portland
@I’mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet: Like Irish jokes on the BBC.
Lwood
@Ruckus: Remember the Blues Brothers ” how much for the daughter?”
HeartlandLiberal
I hereby nominate John Cole for the Joe Btfsplk award.
I know I date myself terribly, because I suspect 80% or more of the current living population of America do not remember or have never heard of the comic strip “L’il Abner”.
Suzanne
@SiubhanDuinne: Holy. Fucking. Shit.
FlyingToaster
@justwow: Since it was the St.Louis County police rioting, plus arresting and looting journalists, exactly WHY is this Cole’s problem?
Watertown doesn’t have a tank; I don’t think either Boston or the Staties do either — that’s what our National Guardsmen handle. We have riot gear to clear drunken fans from the squares after the RedSox/Patriots/Bruins/Celtics/Revolution win a championship, before any damage gets done. We (collectively around the Hub) learned from our mistakes and stopped bringing tazers and rubber bullets to clear people from the streets. We didn’t taze our Occupy folks down at Dewey Square.
Ferguson and St. Louis County need to stop talking and start fixing their shit. You just need to stop talking.
PaulW
@rikyrah:
The percentages may be in favor of Democrats but the gerrymandering keeps the actual districts in favor of Republicans.
The only possible way to break that is to GET THE VOTE OUT for every Dem, and getting enough No-Party-Affiliates to vote Dem as well.
PaulW
Something happened to Cole? He hurt his shoulder?!
JustRuss
I so can not wait for John Cole: The Movie.
MikeInSewickley
My favorite blog site by all standards – informative and real-world.
Tell me the last time a bird shit on Arianna Huffington :)
Dog On Porch
@David: “..some cultures (Italians for instance) consider birds hitting you with their leavings to be good luck”.
And there weren’t any Marine Worlds in the Roman Empire, either. That’s where my bird turd story took place. A huge flock of seagulls perched above the audience were startled, and as they all took off they began to shit. We were drenched. Truth be told, though, I have since indeed enjoyed some fabulous strikes of good luck over the length of a pretty long life.
MsSKWEsq
@David: agreed. It’s good luck. I was hit by bird doodoo in Venice a few years ago. I was in the square and completely grossed out and embarrassed. Our Italian hosts told me it was good luck and meant good fortune is coming. I have indeed been lucky ever since! Proud of you John! Keep up the hard/good work!
Original Lee
Many years ago, we took the kids to Disneyworld. We ate lunch in one of those charming (not) outdoor areas with tables and umbrellas somewhere in the Magic Kingdom, and were instantly surrounded by mallards. Fortunately, we were eating rather late, so the birds were stuffed from eating pieces of sandwich from earlier lunchers and pretty much left us alone. Suddenly, they all startled and flew away, crossing our table as they did so, and of course crapping all over our overpriced chicken nuggets and fries.
WaterGirl
@MikeInSewickley: Where do I go to donate toward getting a bird to shit on Arianna Huffington? Money is tight, but I’m game.
2liberal
I wonder how many people here posted comments here about the main article not realizing that John has indeed tweeted about dislocating his shoulder and being in the ER.
twitter.com/Johngcole
satby
@Lwood: so sorry Lwood.That’s hard. Condolences on your loss.