Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

The words do not have to be perfect.

We are learning that “working class” means “white” for way too many people.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

The lights are all blinking red.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

The republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Republicans in disarray!

You cannot shame the shameless.

Giving up is unforgivable.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

The only way through is to slog through the muck one step at at time.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

You are here: Home / Justice / LGBTQ Rights / Gay Rights are Human Rights / Shit Just Got REAL in North Carolina

Shit Just Got REAL in North Carolina

by | 106 Comments

This post is in: 

If this does not make your damned day I don’t know what will:

There’s a new kink in North Carolina’s LGBT controversy: A popular porn website is banning all computers from “The Tar Heel State.”

XHamster.com has been refusing to serve anyone from North Carolina since 12:30 p.m. EDT, Monday.

Instead, users with a North Carolina IP address are just seeing a black screen on their computer — no porn.

The extreme measures will stay in place until North Carolina repeals House Bill 2, a law passed on March 23 that effectively prevents cities and counties in the state from passing rules that protect LGBT rights.

XHamster.com spokesman, Mike Kulich, said the website believes in equality for everyone.

“We have spent the last 50 years fighting for equality for everyone and these laws are discriminatory which XHamster.com does not tolerate,” he said in an official statement sent to The Huffington Post. “Judging by the stats of what you North Carolinians watch, we feel this punishment is a severe one. We will not standby and pump revenue into a system that promotes this type of garbage. We respect all sexualities and embrace them.”

Kulich told HuffPost that the company’s statistics show that North Carolinians are more open-minded — at least about their porn — than laws like HB2 might suggest.

“Back in March, we had 400,000 hits for the term ‘Transsexual’ from North Carolina alone,” he said. “People from that state searched ‘Gay’ 319,907 times,” he added.

In other hilarious and unfortunate news, I tried to find a picture of a redneck watching porn for this post. That was a mistake I will never make again. Unless you have safe search enabled (which I do not), I implore you not to google “redneck+watching+porn.”

Reader Interactions

106Comments

  4. 4.

    lamh36

    I’m not one for online porn, so I’ll you’re an expert John…lol. what “type” of site is this?

    BTW, now I want to know what the stats show…

    Judging by the stats of what you North Carolinians watch, we feel this punishment is a severe one.

  5. 5.

    Bobby Thomson

    @Baud: “Now”? So far as I know, this site is still #1 with a bullet for “skull fuck a kitten.”

  8. 8.

    lamh36

    now even I know what pornhub is…I wonder how this site compares to pornhub’s numbers.

  12. 12.

    Major Major Major Major

    @redshirt: They are the biggest consumers.

    Also, I googled that, some of the guys are hot. Maybe it’s just my account that filters for previously-exhibited preferences somehow. Now there’s a thought. I wanna work on that schema…

  13. 13.

    billcoop4

    Deah Representative Harrison Harrison Harrison III,

    Ah heahbah respec’fully rehquest, that you do work with th’Governor to repeal House Bill 2. It’s preventing me from gettin’ mah jollies.

  15. 15.

    Zinsky

    Well, the heaviest porn traffic per capita in the U.S. Is in Utah and among the worlds undeveloped countries it is in Pakistan. Religious fanatics tend to be horny perverts. Just sayin…

  16. 16.

    debbie

    Wow, 400,000 hits in a single month. Wonder how many came from the IP address near the State House.

  17. 17.

    cmorenc

    There’s a new kink in North Carolina’s LGBT controversy: A popular porn website is banning all computers from “The Tar Heel State.” XHamster.com has been refusing to serve anyone from North Carolina since 12:30 p.m. EDT, Monday.

    Actually, that’s not really quite true, though what XHamster actually did is still a very nice gesture in support of LGBT. Since I’m in North Carolina, I decided to TOFTT (take one for the team) and check out whether XHamster.com blocked me out from accessing the videos at their site. What first comes up is a large central pop-over dialogue box over the dimmed regular home page of the site, which pop-over begins with the prominent statement in large font:

    The Incredible Hypocrisy of North Carolina The land where Homophobia is Law

    …However, there is an ‘X’ in the upper-right corner of the pop-over window that allows you to close it, after which you can dive right in to view porn clips to your heart’s content – even if you are in North Carolina.

    The sacrifices I make for you all and the progressive cause….

  18. 18.

    TheOtherWA

    I implore you not to google “redneck+watching+porn.”

    I usually ignore advice offered online, but I think this will be the exception.

  23. 23.

    J R in WV

    Why do we love Balloon-Juice so much?

    Cutting edge politics combined with bleeding edge humor!

    Thank you so much John Cole for all the good you have provided to all mankind!

  25. 25.

    Mnemosyne

    For any other Regency Era fans in the Pasadena area, the Huntington is having a free lecture tonight called “Finding a Cure at the British Spa.” For those not in the area, I believe the Huntington posts their lectures on iTunes U about a week afterwards.

    You may now resume your regularly scheduled porn talk.

  28. 28.

    jl

    Why are front poster comments highlighted puke green, but a very important post like this not highlighted at all?
    I almost missed this.

    Full service blog, my ass.

  30. 30.

    Mandalay

    No need for XHamster if you just want to see tits – Erin Burnett is hitting a new low in necklines this evening.

    She may be a vapid talent-free mouthpiece for the 1%, but no political reporter out-cleavages our Erin. And now I understand why her show is called Out Front.

  32. 32.

    SiubhanDuinne

    In other hilarious and unfortunate news, I tried to find a picture of a redneck watching porn for this post.

    Until you’re fully committed, you never know what odd and unanticipated rabbit holes an innocent Google inquiry will lead you down. Years ago (probably before there even was Google, come to think of it) I needed, for some reason, to search for that old Doris Day-Rex Harrison soapy thriller Midnight Lace.

    O.
    M.
    G.

    Never again.

  35. 35.

    Felonius Monk

    I implore you not to google “redneck+watching+porn.”

    “Oh, Br’er Fox, I don’t care what you do with me, so long as you just don’t throw me in that briar patch over there.

  37. 37.

    Kropadope

    Unless you have safe search enabled (which I do not), I implore you not to google “redneck+watching+porn.”

    Curiosity reaching critical mass….

  38. 38.

    sidhra

    I’m not gonna google North Carolina anything for a while. Think that’ll save me some worries. And time.

  39. 39.

    WaterGirl

    @SiubhanDuinne: On the bright side, it makes for a good story! :-)

    Pro tip: always use private browsing if you are going to google something from Balloon Juice.

  43. 43.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: No, private browsing just for visiting balloon juice? That’s for wimps! We need our next president to be fearless!

    Edit: I was not aware of private browsing when I clicked on the Omnes link to the youtube of Fuck Me In The *** Cause I Love Jesus. That was a teachable moment for me. Full disclosure: I did watch the video until the end.

  47. 47.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: I can get behind that!

    (Given my previous edit to my previous post, perhaps that was a poor choice of words.)

  53. 53.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: Isn’t it obvious? :-) Because fuck is a word I use, but ass really isn’t, and the phrase “fuck me in the ***”” is too crass for me.

    I can, however, imagine that many, many – perhaps even most – people would bleep the word fuck. But fuck is one of my (sometimes) words and I’m gonna stand by it. I am very loyal.

  59. 59.

    WaterGirl

    @Adam L Silverman: That was so funny that I snorted out loud. Always attractive…

    edit: opened in private browsing because I was a little uncertain what it would be. :-)

  60. 60.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Baud: It was a real puzzle one night. The Internet got a hold of it. I’ve got that one and another, similar, demotivator of it as well.

  61. 61.

    Gelfling545

    Morality, justice and the state’s economy be damned. But losing their porn connection one day after losing Springsteen? That law is toast, I tell you.

  63. 63.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: That’s me! :: hope you still love me. :-) ::
    or will at least keep me as your valerie jarrett.

  68. 68.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    Hah. Was coming here to pass this info on; might have known Cole would find it on his own.

    And conventions are pulling out. That’s four outright cancelled, as many as 39 others somewhere in the process and now looking elsewhere.

  73. 73.

    WaterGirl

    @Baud: I doubt you could find a more loyal person than me, or someone who is better at keeping secrets. See, I have two good qualities! :-) Everyone needs a couple.

  87. 87.

    seaboogie

    @NotMax:

    Tissue sales mysteriously plummet in North Carolina.

    Film at 11.

    In related news, hand lotion sales have all but dried up.

  88. 88.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Adam L Silverman: I knew a comedian once who had a friend who dated Vanna White. That friend told tales that gentlemen do not tell.

    PS – I feel left out that Cole never said “Go fuck yourself, Sunshine” to me. Maybe it’s an exclusively twitter thing, I’d have responded less than politely in either case. Or I’m not interesting enough. ::steps away to sob at the notion::

  89. 89.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @guachi: Armadildo!

    (Lifted from an 80s-era Playboy bit of lighthearted fun called [IIRC] “The Fallout Follies” about crossbreedings after a nuclear exchange. [Subtitled, also IIRC, “Wow, World War VII was some muthah!”] This one was a cross between an armadillo & a personal vibrator…)

  93. 93.

    cbear

    There’s a new kink in North Carolina’s LGBT controversy: A popular porn website is banning all computers from “The Tar Heel State.”

    Meh. If they really wanted to impact the goopers in North Carolina they would take down all the “Nailin Palin” and “Barnyard Action” videos until the laws were repealed.

    Btw–is XHamster a free site, or do you have to pay for access?
    Asking for a friend.

  94. 94.

    Ken

    It’s also a subtle reminder that Skynet Junior knows where you live, what you watch, and what you have shipped to your door in discreet packaging – and could tell all your neighbors and constituents too. The DC Madam’s books pale in comparison.

  95. 95.

    ? Martin

    @cbear:

    Meh. If they really wanted to impact the goopers in North Carolina they would take down all the “Nailin Palin” and “Barnyard Action” videos until the laws were repealed.

    Swap out all videos and only show guy on guy.

  97. 97.

    cbear

    @? Martin:
    Lol. I don’t think that would work, and would probably drive traffic up.
    Whenever I see or hear a gay-bashing gooper, I just automatically assume they’re either self-hating or in the closet.

  101. 101.

    cleek

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    there’s a band called “Blonde Redhead”. they’re pretty tough to Google in polite company.

    there’s a band called “Paper” that’s all but impossible to find on YouTube unless you search for specific songs.

  102. 102.

    Paul in KY

    @cleek: I searched on ‘Paper – band’ & they came up 5th. Have a website called paperband.biz. A punk rock band, it appears. Lead singer is a Hoyt Yeatman.

  103. 103.

    boatboy_srq

    @lamh36: Conservatist-leaning states are the biggest pr0n consumers. The industry has been keeping records of this for decades. Goes back to the Spartan that Ethic Reichwing FundiEvangelist Xtians follow (no act itself is sinful – it’s getting caught that’s the failing) and the sexual repression they preach.

  105. 105.

    JustRuss

    We have spent the last 50 years fighting for equality for everyone …

    Not to be nit-picky, but 50 years? How can a website be 50 years old? Did Canada get the Interwebs first and keep it a secret for a couple decades? Never trusted those guys, they’re just too polite…

  106. 106.

    Belafon

    @JustRuss: He may have been talking about the royal “we” not his particular site. I think he’s implying that this law undoes some of the advances made.

Comments are closed.