Like I said in another thread, ever wonder what happened to Johnny Caspar’s corpulent son in Miller’s Crossing (“Papa! Papa! I got a prize from the sisters!”) after going psycho from being slapped by his dad one too many times?
Now now, just because Huckabee’s son was being a good counselor and showing scouts proper knot tying technique’s and how they work doesn’t mean a thing…
Kevin Crass, the Huckabee family lawyer … “I asked him, ‘Is it normal for the state police to … investigate something that happened at a Boy Scout camp?'”
Shorter Cass: What goes in Boy Scout Camp, stays in Boy Scout Camp.
6.
Zifnab
I don’t know about you, but as a staunch ideological conservative, I am deeply offended by David Huckabee’s treatment of something that clearly was not brown in skin and from a foreign country. I don’t know how I can support a man for President when he cannot instill the simple values of “Save the Lynch’ns for da Ragheads” that have made our country so great. I’ll be voting for Mitt Romney this election as he has promised me he would double Gitmo with actual terrorist-looking-guys and not stray animals who would clearly just waste our tax dollars in captivity.
OT, but everybody really needs to go look at Goldberg’s book at Sadly, No.
Goldberg is such a fucking bacon strip.
8.
Andrew
Goldberg is such a fucking bacon strip.
Don’t you dare defame wonderful, delicious bacon strips with such a cruel comparison!
9.
Jen
Yeah, that book is some kinda special. The comments on that are just going to go on for days.
Back on topic, there’s just something about people being cruel to animals that kind of makes them dead to me, and that kid looks like the perfect amalgamation of what I picture every right wing blogger to look like. I guess you’d have to take Malkin out of that equation. Okay, let’s say every right wing blogger who doesn’t, presumably for good reason, but their picture on their blog. That’s what he looks like.
I don’t know about you, but as a staunch ideological conservative, I am deeply offended by David Huckabee’s treatment of something that clearly was not brown in skin and from a foreign country. I don’t know how I can support a man for President when he cannot instill the simple values of “Save the Lynch’ns for da Ragheads” that have made our country so great. I’ll be voting for Mitt Romney this election as he has promised me he would double Gitmo with actual terrorist-looking-guys and not stray animals who would clearly just waste our tax dollars in captivity.
Maybe it was a thieving lying terrorist dog though?
Damn, well there goes Huckabee’s son’s chances at the GOP nomination. And he was so close. It’s tragic, really.
Slow news day, I guess. I wonder how many dogs are killed every day. And this one was killed how long ago?
In other words, LOL!
15.
Jen
You know, I used to think “LOL” was really annoying, but Psycho’s attempts to use it ironically/mockingly are somehow even more annoying. Is it because he is individually so unfunny, because wingnuts are so bad at satire, or both, do you think?
You know, I used to think “LOL” was really annoying, but Psycho’s attempts to use it ironically/mockingly are somehow even more annoying. Is it because he is individually so unfunny, because wingnuts are so bad at satire, or both, do you think?
Because trolls are acting under the exact same mechanism that attention starved 5 year olds use to get their mother’s gaze.
If saying “MOMMY!” 137 times hasn’t worked, that means 138 might be the magic number. (Also note similarities to persistence of torture policy, war policy, flat tax policy.)
I guess the answer to your question might be (b.), but I don’t think it’s satire. Satire involves wit.
21.
myiq2xu
Maybe it was a thieving lying terrorist dog though?
Huckleberry Jr was subecting it to “enhanced interrogation” when the dog committed suicide just to cause him public relations problems.
22.
Punchy
Dregs stole my line. something about a camp couselor showing kids how to tie a knot, such as a noose, and demonstrating its strength. woulda been a shit-ton funnier if I’da said if first….
Funny that in the South–hang a dog, everyone goes apoplectic. Hang a black man….not so much.
23.
myiq2xu
Satire involves wit.
Psycho thinks he’s witty. He’s half-right.
24.
libarbarian
WARNING – UNRELATED CONTENT
The Republican party has now gone so far towards emulating it’s leftwing enemies that, like so many PC nitwits before them, they have taken to fabricatinghate-crimes against themselves.
Fake Hate-crimes are abominable. At best the help overstate the level of the problem – at worst they help discredit real victims of real hate-crimes and are therefore counter-productive as well as dishonest. Faking a hate-crime only makes sense to someone with a warped mindset who is so committed to seeing himself/herself as a victim that they can handle the cognitive dissonance involved in such an act. Ten years ago I thought Conservatives were smart enough to know that if you have to fake the hate-crime to get attention then maybe the problem you are protesting isn’t actually as bad as you think.
This is the modern Republican party – bedwetting cowards with delusions of persecution.
25.
myiq2xu
It was probably just a big misunderstanding. They found Huckleberry Jr. sitting out in the woods smoking a fattie, and when they asked him what he was doing he said, “Gettin’ stoned and hangin,’ dawg.”
26.
Jen
Chris, it’s funny that you mention 5 year olds, because my 6 year old son is better than a wingnut in every way. I realize the theme of this blog is not how much ass my kids kick (that is the theme of my blog, and aren’t you all grateful that I don’t link to it here?), but I just have to tell one cute son story that is kind of relevant. He and I are listening to Car Talk, way back when, because my son is a fan, and the caller’s question is whether or not he should clean out his car before a first date. He seems to think he could be giving her a false impression by doing so. The car has Dunkin’ Donuts debris, “a couple of pounds of sand”, and probably a cheeto or two. I say, “I think he should probably clean out the car, what do you think?” Child says, “I don’t know why he doesn’t already know that. He’s old enough to DRIVE A CAR.”
Alls I’m sayin’ is, my first-grader can beat any wingnut out there in logic, wit, hygiene, and attractiveness to the opposite sex.
27.
tBone
Wow, I hope I look that good when I’m—what? He’s 26? Never mind.
He’s been worn down by the false accusations against him. Yes, these crimes were committed by the child of a former Arkansas governor and a current Presidential hopeful. But here’s what the liberal media isn’t telling you: the real perpetrator is 27, not 26, and “he” is actually a she!
Dregs stole my line. something about a camp couselor showing kids how to tie a knot, such as a noose, and demonstrating its strength. woulda been a shit-ton funnier if I’da said if first….
It’s hard to be the first out of the blocks with the witty retorts with so many decent keyboard comedians here spoofing everything that moves….
Tell me about it, I get beat by some of you too damn much sometimes. Of course there’s the whole “great minds think alike” bit…
35.
Alan
…because moral values are only derived from religion.
36.
Jon H
Fatter, whiter, balder, less talented and less successful.
In other words, the difference between Vick and Huckabee is that Vick had potential to squander.
37.
chopper
…a counselor at Camp Pioneer in Hatfield, Ark.
(shudders)
38.
The Other Andrew
Preachers’ kids are always screwed up, so this shouldn’t be surprising. (I know this, as I am one.)
39.
jimbo
Just another idiot bush-like presidential wanna-be in training.
40.
maxbaer (not the original)
I’ll let Dean Wormer say it:
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Sorry, he forgot sadistic, sociopathology.
41.
Bubblegum Tate
This post title reminds me of the PA system at Itchy & Scratchy Land: “Attention, Marge Simpson, we have detained your son. Attention, Marge Simpson, we have also detained your older, balder, fatter son.”
42.
Jake
Huckleberry Jr was subecting it to “enhanced interrogation” when the dog committed suicide just to cause him public relations problems.
No, not everybody loves animals, but you’ve got to really have something wrong upstairs to not even blink when causing pain and suffering in another living thing.
45.
Rudi
From SadlyNo:
The best line in the book jacket by far is:
The quintessential liberal fascist isn’t an SS storm trooper; it is a female grade-school teacher with an education degree from Brown or Swarthmore.
How do you write this shit with a straight face? More importantly, how do you get paid to write this shit with a straight face?
In 1966, she married Sidney Goldberg, an editor at the news syndicate North American Newspaper Alliance and Lucianne Goldberg did occasional freelance work for the syndicate. During the 1972 presidential campaign she joined the press corps covering candidate George McGovern, claiming to be a reporter for the Women’s News Service, an affiliate of NANA. In fact, she was paid $1000 a week by Richard Nixon operative Murray Chotiner for regular reports about happenings on the campaign trail. She said “They were looking for really dirty stuff…Who was sleeping with who, what the Secret Service men were doing with the stewardesses, who was smoking pot on the plane–that sort of thing.” [3] [4]
Goldberg set up her own literary agency in 1972. One of her clients, celebrity biographer Kitty Kelley, sued Goldberg in 1983, charging breach of contract, fraud, and breach of fiduciary duty over proceeds from Kelley’s book on Elizabeth Taylor. The jury awarded Kelley $60,000, but the judge reduced the award to $40,000 and dismissed the ruling of fraud. [5]
46.
Innocent Bystander
So what chapter of the “Republican Family Values” playbook can I find this covered? If I ever decide to run for office as a Republican politician, I’m going to have to make some pretty radical changes in my lifestyle.
That’s right, Psycho, this was just a one-shot deal that happened a long time ago. I’m sure this guy hasn’t tortured any other animals to death.
I’m equally sure that if the story had been about one of Mitt Romney’s sons, you’d be making excuses for him, too. Right? Am I right?
Yeah, sure I’m right.
48.
Anne Laurie
Somebody who actually owns a bible could do some pretty good snark using the New Testament bits about not expecting figs from thorn trees. I remember the Huckabee types leaning heavily on that parable in the context of proper childhood education and genetic inheritance.
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Bombadil
Between Huckabee’s kid and Romney’s station wagon roof, it sucks being a Republican’s dog.
norbizness
Like I said in another thread, ever wonder what happened to Johnny Caspar’s corpulent son in Miller’s Crossing (“Papa! Papa! I got a prize from the sisters!”) after going psycho from being slapped by his dad one too many times?
Dreggas
Now now, just because Huckabee’s son was being a good counselor and showing scouts proper knot tying technique’s and how they work doesn’t mean a thing…
[ / End wingnut ]
The Other Steve
This won’t hurt Huckabee for the nomination.
Jake
Shorter Cass: What goes in Boy Scout Camp, stays in Boy Scout Camp.
Zifnab
I don’t know about you, but as a staunch ideological conservative, I am deeply offended by David Huckabee’s treatment of something that clearly was not brown in skin and from a foreign country. I don’t know how I can support a man for President when he cannot instill the simple values of “Save the Lynch’ns for da Ragheads” that have made our country so great. I’ll be voting for Mitt Romney this election as he has promised me he would double Gitmo with actual terrorist-looking-guys and not stray animals who would clearly just waste our tax dollars in captivity.
cleek
OT, but everybody really needs to go look at Goldberg’s book at Sadly, No.
Goldberg is such a fucking bacon strip.
Andrew
Don’t you dare defame wonderful, delicious bacon strips with such a cruel comparison!
Jen
Yeah, that book is some kinda special. The comments on that are just going to go on for days.
Back on topic, there’s just something about people being cruel to animals that kind of makes them dead to me, and that kid looks like the perfect amalgamation of what I picture every right wing blogger to look like. I guess you’d have to take Malkin out of that equation. Okay, let’s say every right wing blogger who doesn’t, presumably for good reason, but their picture on their blog. That’s what he looks like.
srv
Zif,
It was an afghan:
here
Probably between smuggling breaks.
Dreggas
Maybe it was a thieving lying terrorist dog though?
Vladi G
Fark stole it from the Simpsons. Itchy and Scratchy Land episode.
“We’ve also arrested your fatter, older, balder son”.
Vladi G
But man, weird family. Dogs get the death penalty while convicted rapists get set free.
Psycheout
Damn, well there goes Huckabee’s son’s chances at the GOP nomination. And he was so close. It’s tragic, really.
Slow news day, I guess. I wonder how many dogs are killed every day. And this one was killed how long ago?
In other words, LOL!
Jen
You know, I used to think “LOL” was really annoying, but Psycho’s attempts to use it ironically/mockingly are somehow even more annoying. Is it because he is individually so unfunny, because wingnuts are so bad at satire, or both, do you think?
John Cole
When I saw the headline, I so thought this was going to be about Terry Bradshaw.
numbskull
Psycheout,
Please tell us, how does a rape victim will get rich by starting a nonprofit foundation?
Chris
OK, now that actually deserves a “LOL!”
lawl.
I give 1.00003:1 odds he doesn’t answer the question.
RSA
Wow, I hope I look that good when I’m–what? He’s 26? Never mind.
Chris
Because trolls are acting under the exact same mechanism that attention starved 5 year olds use to get their mother’s gaze.
If saying “MOMMY!” 137 times hasn’t worked, that means 138 might be the magic number. (Also note similarities to persistence of torture policy, war policy, flat tax policy.)
I guess the answer to your question might be (b.), but I don’t think it’s satire. Satire involves wit.
myiq2xu
Huckleberry Jr was subecting it to “enhanced interrogation” when the dog committed suicide just to cause him public relations problems.
Punchy
Dregs stole my line. something about a camp couselor showing kids how to tie a knot, such as a noose, and demonstrating its strength. woulda been a shit-ton funnier if I’da said if first….
Funny that in the South–hang a dog, everyone goes apoplectic. Hang a black man….not so much.
myiq2xu
Psycho thinks he’s witty. He’s half-right.
libarbarian
WARNING – UNRELATED CONTENT
The Republican party has now gone so far towards emulating it’s leftwing enemies that, like so many PC nitwits before them, they have taken to fabricating hate-crimes against themselves.
Fake Hate-crimes are abominable. At best the help overstate the level of the problem – at worst they help discredit real victims of real hate-crimes and are therefore counter-productive as well as dishonest. Faking a hate-crime only makes sense to someone with a warped mindset who is so committed to seeing himself/herself as a victim that they can handle the cognitive dissonance involved in such an act. Ten years ago I thought Conservatives were smart enough to know that if you have to fake the hate-crime to get attention then maybe the problem you are protesting isn’t actually as bad as you think.
This is the modern Republican party – bedwetting cowards with delusions of persecution.
myiq2xu
It was probably just a big misunderstanding. They found Huckleberry Jr. sitting out in the woods smoking a fattie, and when they asked him what he was doing he said, “Gettin’ stoned and hangin,’ dawg.”
Jen
Chris, it’s funny that you mention 5 year olds, because my 6 year old son is better than a wingnut in every way. I realize the theme of this blog is not how much ass my kids kick (that is the theme of my blog, and aren’t you all grateful that I don’t link to it here?), but I just have to tell one cute son story that is kind of relevant. He and I are listening to Car Talk, way back when, because my son is a fan, and the caller’s question is whether or not he should clean out his car before a first date. He seems to think he could be giving her a false impression by doing so. The car has Dunkin’ Donuts debris, “a couple of pounds of sand”, and probably a cheeto or two. I say, “I think he should probably clean out the car, what do you think?” Child says, “I don’t know why he doesn’t already know that. He’s old enough to DRIVE A CAR.”
Alls I’m sayin’ is, my first-grader can beat any wingnut out there in logic, wit, hygiene, and attractiveness to the opposite sex.
tBone
He’s been worn down by the false accusations against him. Yes, these crimes were committed by the child of a former Arkansas governor and a current Presidential hopeful. But here’s what the liberal media isn’t telling you: the real perpetrator is 27, not 26, and “he” is actually a she!
canuckistani
It’s Chelsea Clinton’s fault.
Dreggas
Of course it would have you’re just jealous :P
Mr Furious
Note the photo credit…it’s his mugshot from the Sherriff. So is he actually 17 in that photo?
Christ, he look 48.
Jen
Nah, that’s the photo from the brilliance that is “forgot to remove loaded weapon from check-on luggage”
(Forgot to remove..? Why was it put there? Is that where he keeps his firearms, in a packed suitcase?)
Punchy
It’s hard to be the first out of the blocks with the witty retorts with so many decent keyboard comedians here spoofing everything that moves….
canuckistani
It was taken when he was still in high school, so he must have been 17.
Dreggas
Tell me about it, I get beat by some of you too damn much sometimes. Of course there’s the whole “great minds think alike” bit…
Alan
…because moral values are only derived from religion.
Jon H
Fatter, whiter, balder, less talented and less successful.
In other words, the difference between Vick and Huckabee is that Vick had potential to squander.
chopper
(shudders)
The Other Andrew
Preachers’ kids are always screwed up, so this shouldn’t be surprising. (I know this, as I am one.)
jimbo
Just another idiot bush-like presidential wanna-be in training.
maxbaer (not the original)
I’ll let Dean Wormer say it:
Sorry, he forgot sadistic, sociopathology.
Bubblegum Tate
This post title reminds me of the PA system at Itchy & Scratchy Land: “Attention, Marge Simpson, we have detained your son. Attention, Marge Simpson, we have also detained your older, balder, fatter son.”
Jake
Cry havoc! Let slip the asymmetrical dogs of war!
Dreggas
We can rebuild him, we can make him fatter, whiter, balder
Krista
What the hell is it with Republicans and being cruel to dogs?
No, not everybody loves animals, but you’ve got to really have something wrong upstairs to not even blink when causing pain and suffering in another living thing.
Rudi
From SadlyNo:
I wonder how much help the mama’s boy had from Lucianne in writing this crap?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucianne_Goldberg
Innocent Bystander
So what chapter of the “Republican Family Values” playbook can I find this covered? If I ever decide to run for office as a Republican politician, I’m going to have to make some pretty radical changes in my lifestyle.
Johnny Pez
That’s right, Psycho, this was just a one-shot deal that happened a long time ago. I’m sure this guy hasn’t tortured any other animals to death.
I’m equally sure that if the story had been about one of Mitt Romney’s sons, you’d be making excuses for him, too. Right? Am I right?
Yeah, sure I’m right.
Anne Laurie
Somebody who actually owns a bible could do some pretty good snark using the New Testament bits about not expecting figs from thorn trees. I remember the Huckabee types leaning heavily on that parable in the context of proper childhood education and genetic inheritance.