Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

We still have time to mess this up!

Bogus polls are all they’ve got left. Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls a year from now.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Come on, man.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

And so it is for the politically and morally bankrupt Kevin McCarthy.

As long as McCarthy is Speaker, the House will never be in order.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

‘Museums aren’t America’s attic for its racist shit.’

The GOP is a fucking disgrace.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

You are here: Home / Politics / The Biden Bomb

The Biden Bomb

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Tim has already linked to the Biden issue, but it is just sooo juicy and soo delicious I felt the need to break out of my hibernation and talk about it. Let;s frist clear some things up- Biden will never be the President. Never ever ever. So maybe this disastrous performance this early has saved you, me, and the American public a lot of time, energy, and money. On to his money quote:

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” he said. “I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

I don’t think Joe Biden is racist, and I don’t think that statement was racist- I think he meant exactly what he meant- Barack Obama is the first black guy running who actually has a chance to win. When he says “articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy” he means electable.

And he is right. Sure Jesse Jackson is bright and articulate, and his speech in 1988 is one for the ages. But he was so far out of the mainstream that he would never be elected. The same for Alan Keyes. Al Sharpton is articulate and entertaining, but has a track record of evil behavior (Tawana, anyone?) that will keep him out of the office.

What Joen Biden meant is that Obama is the first black man who has run for President who has a shot at actually winning. I don’t think that can be disputed.

The larger story here is that Biden’s unwise word choice is merely a symptom of his larger problem- the reason he will never be elected. Biden loves the cameras too much- almost as much as he loves the sound of his own voice. When Biden talks (and we have all heard him, as not a week goes by without him on a talk show), people do not know whether he believes what he is saying, or if he is saying what he thinks you want to believe, or if he is just saying things to hear his own voice.

I am sure Biden defenders/supporters can point to things Biden has been right about, and can come up with a list of reasons why he would be a good President, but I think Biden’s image with the American public is one of the guy who had two or three beers, talked freely to let you know what he really thinks, and left you wishing he hadn’t.

Reader Interactions

122Comments

  1. 1.

    fwiffo

    I think that’s forgetting some history. Jesse Jackson came quite close to getting the nod for the Dems in 1988. Probably he wouldn’t have been president, but it wouldn’t have been impossible.

  2. 2.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Biden is a Delaware thing. You guys wouldn’t understand. He’s kept out the Dixiecrats and the DuPontian plutocrats, and he’s a good union guy in the state. He’s good for jobs in the state, too, which involves credit cards and corporations (to be fair, MBNA no longer exists).

    In person, he’s a pretty nice guy, too. He’s kinda dumb, but his heart’s in the right place. I wouldn’t vote for him for Prez, but I’ve voted for him for Senator and would again if I still lived in Delaware.

  3. 3.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    I think that’s forgetting some history. Jesse Jackson came quite close to getting the nod for the Dems in 1988. Probably he wouldn’t have been president, but it wouldn’t have been impossible.

    That race was a shame, too. Jackson would’ve done at least as well as Dukakis, IMO.

    I disagree with Biden on the substance of his point, as I disagree with him on many points. Still, all in all, I think he’s a good guy for a Delaware Senator. In another state, probably not, and definitely not for Prez.

  4. 4.

    Pb

    He’s kinda dumb, but his heart’s in the right place.

    One for two, anyhow–I would have voted for him if he had been the Democratic candidate in 2004! Then again, I also would have voted for my cat. Or your cat. Or maybe your dog…

  5. 5.

    Zifnab

    … but I think Biden’s image with the American public is one of the guy who had two or three beers, talked freely to let you know what he really thinks, and left you wishing he hadn’t.

    So you’re saying Biden isn’t the sort of guy you’d want to sit down and have a beer with?

    Well, then I guess he can’t make it as a President after all.

  6. 6.

    Jake

    I think Biden’s image with the American public is one of the guy who had two or three beers, talked freely to let you know what he really thinks, and left you wishing he hadn’t.

    Uh-huh and after eight years of that crap who wants another four?

    Intentionally racist or not, the comment was bloody stupid. I can only speak for myself when I say I’m weary of stupid (or inarticulate) and never saw why listening to the President should require a decoder ring and six interpreters.

  7. 7.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    One for two, anyhow—I would have voted for him if he had been the Democratic candidate in 2004! Then again, I also would have voted for my cat. Or your cat. Or maybe your dog…

    Yeah, let’s face it- I’d vote for him for Prez if the Dems nominated him (which they never, ever would). I’d also vote for Scooby Doo if the Dems nominated him. Either that, or imagine yourself with a bumper sticker on your car that says “Don’t Blame Me- I voted for Brownback!” (Or McCain/Romney/whichever fool the GOP puts out there.)

  8. 8.

    ThymeZone

    Biden is not a racist. He is, however, an ass.

    He has a big mouth. He actually makes a good Senator in some respects. But a president? No way.

    In some ways, this is a good thing. The sooner his futile bid ends, the better for everyone. I think he’s toast.

  9. 9.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Biden is not a racist. He is, however, an ass.

    He has a big mouth. He actually makes a good Senator in some respects. But a president? No way.

    In some ways, this is a good thing. The sooner his futile bid ends, the better for everyone. I think he’s toast

    Yeah, that about sums it up.

  10. 10.

    fester

    Jonh — what national Biden supporters are available to defend him? Especially on the blogs as his home state interests puts him up against most of the dominant liberal economic ideologies on the net?

  11. 11.

    Zifnab

    He actually makes a good Senator in some respects. But a president? No way.

    I don’t want to see Kerry run. I don’t want to see Biden run. I don’t want to see Harry Reid or Ted Kennedy or Barbara Boxer run either. Sometimes, its nice to see the Senators stay in the Senate. Why is it that a guy can stand one among ninety-nine other collegues, in a body politic the most powerful in the world, and still not be happy enough to just sit tight? Quit. Being. Greedy. Take your virtual life-time appointment as chosen represenative of several hundred-thousand of your fellow citizens and be happy.

  13. 13.

    jg

    In the world of political correctness it is so hard to pay a compliment to a minority without sounding like a condescending member of the majority.

  15. 15.

    Zifnab

    Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.), the chairman, pitched his plan for an Iraq split into autonomous regions. “I’m sympathetic to an outcome that permits large regional autonomy,” Kissinger concurred.

    Sen. Richard Lugar (Ind.), the ranking Republican, asserted that “we cannot be in a situation in which we say ‘We’re out of there,’ ” Lugar pointed out.

    “I believe very strongly that we cannot withdraw from the region,” Kissinger agreed.

    Sen. Russ Feingold (D-Wis.) tried to pull the witness in his direction. “I certainly agree with you that we cannot disengage from the region — but what about redeployment from Iraq?” he asked.

    “Of course significant American forces can be withdrawn,” Kissinger obliged.

    Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) tugged Kissinger the other way. “Is it your belief that a precipitous withdrawal . . . would have a greater negative long-term impact?”

    “That is my conviction,” Kissinger said.

    “Would you agree,” Sen. Bob Menendez (D-N.J.) asked, that “every alternative carries with it some rather grave risks?”

    “Absolutely,” Kissinger complied.

    Sen. Johnny Isakson (R-Ga.) said he hoped Bush’s troop buildup would allow for reconciliation and diplomacy. “Am I wrong?”

    “The objectives you’ve stated are compatible with what the president is attempting to do,” Kissinger assured him.

    The secretary’s agreeability had a calming effect. “I think what I’m seeing here is someone testifying and almost everyone on this committee agreeing,” observed Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.). “It’s an interesting thing to watch.”

    Maybe that’s Bush’s secret plan to end the war in Iraq.

    ~CommunistWashingtonPost

  16. 16.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    He never had a chance to begin with so why should I care? It’s just noise until the next news cycle.

    I’m just happy we get to talk about something Delaware-related for once.

    Usually, people just ignore Delaware, except to bitch at us for tolls the states of Maryland and New Jersey set up alongside us.

  17. 17.

    RSA

    Especially on the blogs as his home state interests puts him up against most of the dominant liberal economic ideologies on the net?

    Back when TNR was still readable and I subscribed, one of the best articles I’d ever run across in it was Jon Chait’s “The Case Against Delaware: Rogue State.”

  18. 18.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Back when TNR was still readable and I subscribed, one of the best articles I’d ever run across in it was Jon Chait’s “The Case Against Delaware: Rogue State.”

    That article still makes me see red. Fucking asshole was bitching at us for TOLL BOOTHS in OTHER FUCKING STATES! Not to mention that his entire inane rant was based on a fucking traffic jam caused by those states.

  19. 19.

    tBone

    The Case Against Delaware: Rogue State

    Now that Canada’s been vanquished, maybe Delaware should be next. They’re probably harboring Canuckistani refugees from the War on Christmas.

  20. 20.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Now that Canada’s been vanquished, maybe Delaware should be next. They’re probably harboring Canuckistani refugees from the War on Christmas.

    No, Delaware is the last pure refuge of American capitalism. It’s like the American version of Switzerland. Or Luxembourg, maybe, since it hasn’t got any mountains.

  22. 22.

    Jake

    Usually, people just ignore Delaware

    If it makes you feel any better, I ignore the costal attractions of my own state (Maryland) and go to Rehoboth.

  23. 23.

    tBone

    It’s like the American version of Switzerland.

    Delaware is hoarding Nazi gold? Clearly an invasion and partitioning is long overdue.

  24. 24.

    Tsulagi

    The Dems really need to get serious about the 08 election. Somehow, get Kerry and Biden advising Pub frontrunners and writing their public speeches. Pay them big bucks to take those two guys.

    Kerry could have Romney saying any future military action must first meet the global Boston test. Biden could urge McCain to astutely point out and laud the clean, articulate, nice-looking Mexican following him around with a camera. Bring the Kerry/Biden magic to their campaigns.

  25. 25.

    Andrew

    I wouldn’t mind if Delaware was eliminated and we gave statehood to Puerto Rico or pretty much anyone else. In fact, this is the best plan I’ve heard all week.

    Zbigniew Brzezinski at the Senate Foreign Relations Committee:

    It is time for the White House to come to terms with two central realities:

    1. The war in Iraq is a historic, strategic, and moral calamity. Undertaken under false assumptions, it is undermining America’s global legitimacy. Its collateral civilian casualties as well as some abuses are tarnishing America’s moral credentials. Driven by Manichean impulses and imperial hubris, it is intensifying regional instability.

    2. Only a political strategy that is historically relevant rather than reminiscent of colonial tutelage can provide the needed framework for a tolerable resolution of both the war in Iraq and the intensifying regional tensions.

    If the United States continues to be bogged down in a protracted bloody involvement in Iraq, the final destination on this downhill track is likely to be a head-on conflict with Iran and with much of the world of Islam at large. A plausible scenario for a military collision with Iran involves Iraqi failure to meet the benchmarks; followed by accusations of Iranian responsibility for the failure; then by some provocation in Iraq or a terrorist act in the U.S. blamed on Iran; culminating in a “defensive” U.S. military action against Iran that plunges a lonely America into a spreading and deepening quagmire eventually ranging across Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and Pakistan.

  26. 26.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    If it makes you feel any better, I ignore the costal attractions of my own state (Maryland) and go to Rehoboth.

    Yeah, but you get to be from Maryland, so I have to be jealous, too. Nobody wants to be from Delaware, except that it’s better than being from New Jersey or rural Pennsylvania. Still, if I had the chance, I’d rather be from MD.

    Then again, Grotto’s pizza is the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life, anywhere. So Delaware (and specifically, Rehoboth) has that going for it, I guess.

    My feelings on Delaware remind me of an old joke my World Civ teacher had in high school: “I can insult my sister, but don’t you insult my sister!”

  27. 27.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Delaware is hoarding Nazi gold? Clearly an invasion and partitioning is long overdue.

    My grandfather had an old SS knife that he got in the Army from when he had to occupy Dachau. So it’s not outside the realm of possibility.

    Delaware’s too small to partition, but please give it to Maryland instead of PA or Joisey. That’s all we ask.

    I wouldn’t mind if Delaware was eliminated and we gave statehood to Puerto Rico or pretty much anyone else. In fact, this is the best plan I’ve heard all week.

    You’d take the statehood of Iraq over Delaware? Well, that’d certainly make politics more interesting, I’ll grant you that.

  28. 28.

    Zifnab

    No, Delaware is the last pure refuge of American capitalism.

    No state income tax. I can’t tell you how absolutely retarded our policy is on that. Own a company that makes $20 bazillion dollars on a 5×5 patch of land? Pay $20 in property tax.

    Own a sprawling 20 acre mansion? Stick three cows on it and claim a homestead property tax exemption.

    The legislature needs money? Suddenly your $200k house is on a $300k plot of land. Oops, you now owe the state an extra $3k. Unless you own horses, cause then its all cool.

    Most disfunctional state ever!

  32. 32.

    Andrew

    You’d take the statehood of Iraq over Delaware? Well, that’d certainly make politics more interesting, I’ll grant you that.

    Yes. Yes I would.

    I’ve always thought that we should offer to buy foreign countries and make them states.

  33. 33.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Bah, just because every company in the country is registered in Delaware because of your cheap fees, you think you’re special!

    Specially capitalistic, anyway. Arkansas’s making a push for the top ranking, though. Arkansas is an up-and-comer. President Huckabee would give them two Presidents in 20 years. Even Texas can’t beat that record.

  34. 34.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Yes. Yes I would.

    Even if Iraq’s 50 electoral voted go straight to the GOP on the abortion issue, the guns issue, the gay marriage issue, and the death penalty issue?

    I’ve always thought that we should offer to buy foreign countries and make them states.

    I guess if we buy France or Canada to counterbalance Iraq, it’ll be okay. Or we could buy Taiwan using Chinese loans, then dare the Chinese to attack the place. If they do, we’ll be at war, PLUS we can repudiate our debt to them. Buying Taiwan is a win-win situation, although I’m not sure which way Taiwan would vote. Red state, or blue state, or would it be kinda purple-y?

  35. 35.

    Andrew

    Even if Iraq’s 50 electoral voted go straight to the GOP on the abortion issue, the guns issue, the gay marriage issue, and the death penalty issue?

    Eh, Hollywood will destroy their native cultural norms that much faster if they’re American.

  36. 36.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Eh, Hollywood will destroy their native cultural norms that much faster if they’re American.

    If it hasn’t happened in Texas, I don’t see why it would happen in a Texas II on the Euphrates.

  37. 37.

    Andrew

    And by buy I mean more of a swap. We pay their GDP to buy them, but they pay us per head for citizenship.

    E.g.: Liberia
    GDP $3 billion, 3 million people

    Charge ’em $1000 a head for citizenship, so it comes out a wash.

    They get 6 or 7 congressmen and 2 senators, so they’ll be a nice competition to shower them with pork to buy their votes, which might actually help an 3rd world state.

  38. 38.

    Fledermaus

    Hey now, quit ragging on Delaware, just let Joementum Two explain it all on FOX news:

    “You don’t know my state,” he said. “My state was a slave state. My state is a . . “

    Erm, on second thought maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. Seriously though he really does talk too much. I predict that we just witnessed the shortest presidential campaign in history.

  39. 39.

    Andrew

    If it hasn’t happened in Texas, I don’t see why it would happen in a Texas II on the Euphrates.

    Well, it’s worth giving it a shot. Texas we can just write off at this point. At least there’s some hope for Iraq.

    In fact, let’s swap Texas for Iraq.

  40. 40.

    tBone

    Delaware’s too small to partition, but please give it to Maryland instead of PA or Joisey. That’s all we ask.

    If partioning won’t work, we’ll probably have to just sever it from the mainland and turn it into an airfield or a prison or a Super Walmart or something. Residents who pass an intensive barrage of citizenship tests may be allowed to helicopter back into the country on a case-by-case basis.

    In the worst-case scenario, we’ll have to nuke it from orbit, of course.

  41. 41.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    They get 6 or 7 congressmen and 2 senators, so they’ll be a nice competition to shower them with pork to buy their votes, which might actually help an 3rd world state.

    American business would like setting up new sweat shops there, too, true enough (federal legislation being watered down accordingly). Illegal immigration would be a lot easier for people from neighboring countries, which would piss off the Tancredos of the right. (At least, until we bought out those neighboring countries, anyway.) The risk is that to get the scratch together to do all this, we have to mortgage ourselves out to China. Unless we get ahold of Taiwan, we risk enlarging the Chinese empire.

    It has its pros and cons. But if you’re going to get rid of Delaware, I must insist you axe New Jersey, too. New Jersey does far, far more harm to its neighbors than Delaware ever did.

  42. 42.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Well, it’s worth giving it a shot. Texas we can just write off at this point. At least there’s some hope for Iraq.

    In fact, let’s swap Texas for Iraq.

    Who are we going to trade with, and who’d want it?

    If partioning won’t work, we’ll probably have to just sever it from the mainland and turn it into an airfield or a prison or a Super Walmart or something. Residents who pass an intensive barrage of citizenship tests may be allowed to helicopter back into the country on a case-by-case basis.

    Hey asshole, we’re the FIRST state! You guys are in our Union because we were nice enough to let you tag along! Anyway, between Dover AFB and the strip malls, your wish is pretty much already granted anyway.

    In the worst-case scenario, we’ll have to nuke it from orbit, of course.

    It’s the only way to be sure.

  44. 44.

    tBone

    Anyway, between Dover AFB and the strip malls, your wish is pretty much already granted anyway.

    See, a lot of the hard work’s done already. Fees from the toll roads will finance the rest of the reconstruction.

    I wonder where I should display the Medal of Freedom I’m going to get for this idea?

  45. 45.

    Andrew

    re: Texas

    Who are we going to trade with, and who’d want it?

    The Mexicans, for revenge.

    They’ll pay well.

  46. 46.

    The Other Steve

    Then again, Grotto’s pizza is the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life, anywhere. So Delaware (and specifically, Rehoboth) has that going for it, I guess.

    Dude, you have to visit Chicago some time. Go to Lou Malnati’s. Ain’t no better pizza than you get in Chicago.

  50. 50.

    The Other Steve

    About that surge… Does this guy EVER tell the full story????

    I thought we all knew that.

    Frankly, I think he’s going for the Truman strategy of hoping the thing doesn’t get any worse.

  52. 52.

    MNPundit

    Here’s the deal with Biden as Josh Marshall now has proven. The quote is wrong. There is a pause between the two statements. What Biden is actually saying is not that Obama is the first clean African-American mainstream candidate.

    He is saying that Obama PERSONALLY is articulate and clean. So it’s not such a blazingly racist statement, just one that is incredibly condescending laced with soft bigotry. It doesn’t help Biden much and god knows I hate him for his “South” comment but the initial reaction this was wrong.

    The actual conversation was:

    “…African American.”

    “Yeah?”

    “Who is articulate and clean…”

  56. 56.

    Punchy

    Go to Lou Malnati’s. Ain’t no better pizza than you get in Chicago.

    good call, TOS. Even BETTER–quite possibly the best in the country–is Gino’s East (downtown Chi-town). Hands-down the biggest ‘za you’ll even lay yer choppers into. I’m wiping saliva off my desk just typing about it…

  57. 57.

    Don

    John Cole,

    I am no Biden fan but apparently that is not what he said. According to the audio version this is what he said;

    http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/

    Biden: I mean, you got the first, sorta, mainstream African-American.

    Horowitz: Yeah.

    Biden: Who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.

    In other words Biden wasn’t saying Obama was the FIRST clean, bright black running for president.

    Again, Biden isn’t my guy. But truth matters. It is important to respect the truth. Trash him for what he actually said not what the misleading transcript implies.

  58. 58.

    Jake

    Meatwad get the honeys, see?

    Sorry, couldn’t help it.

    We now return to our regularly scheduled thread.

    -j

    p.s. I can’t believe they snubbed DC, those bastards.

  60. 60.

    Krista

    I wonder where I should display the Medal of Freedom I’m going to get for this idea?

    Maybe in a nice cjurio cabinet? Or over your dør?

  61. 61.

    CDB

    Suckers.

    Can anyone tell me who Biden had before the foriegn relations committe yesterday? Or what he said?

    Of course not, ya’ll have fell for the bait.

  62. 62.

    RSA

    If partioning won’t work, we’ll probably have to just sever [Delaware] from the mainland and turn it into an airfield or a prison or a Super Walmart or something.

    All three at once! With a ceremonial closing of the borders, presided over by Kurt “Snake” Russell.

  64. 64.

    ThymeZone

    Officials found 38 blinking electronic signs promoting the Cartoon Network TV show “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” on bridges and other high-profile spots across the city Wednesday, prompting the closing of a highway and the deployment of bomb squads. The surreal series is about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball. The network is a division of Turner Broadcasting Systems Inc.

    Can anybody explain to me how we think we have “Homeland Security” in this country when a cartoon figure brings out the fucking BOMB SQUAD in Boston?

    Criminal charges? Charge the goddammed authorities with being incompetant. Throw THEM in jail.

    Maybe it’s time for the people to just march on the governments in this country and say, enough is enough. You’re all fired, motherfuckers, get your shit and get out.

    FUCK! Look at the cartoon figures that caused this “crisis” and tell me the authorities should not be fired and subjected to public stoning?

  65. 65.

    Lee

    I just read that Brzezinski speach.

    HOLY CRAP!

    I think the entire Administration has just been smacked by their grand-daddy.

    And I agree that was the best new conference in history. I really really hope that The Daily Show runs a bit on it.

  66. 66.

    Krista

    The surreal series is about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball.

    and tell me the authorities should not be fired and subjected to public stoning?

    I’m sure they thought they already HAD been subjected to public stoning, after seeing that…

  67. 67.

    Tsulagi

    Can anybody explain to me how we think we have “Homeland Security” in this country when a cartoon figure brings out the fucking BOMB SQUAD in Boston?

    9/11 changed everything.

    FUCK! Look at the cartoon figures that caused this “crisis” and tell me the authorities should not be fired and subjected to public stoning?

    You don’t support the troops.

  68. 68.

    Punchy

    Can anybody explain to me how we think we have “Homeland Security” in this country when a cartoon figure brings out the fucking BOMB SQUAD in Boston?

    And remember, TZ, about a year back when some of the Muslims were going nuts because of some cartoons?

    The right-wing went bonkers, pointing out how ridiculous it is to go ape-sh*t over simple cartoons, saying “typical Muslim behavior”…

    And then Boston “happens”…can you say that German word that looks like “shauchefruad”?

  70. 70.

    Pooh

    He’s kinda dumb, but his heart’s in the right place.

    I met one of his staffer’s last year:

    Me: SO you’re from DC, what do you do?

    Her: I work on Capitol Hill. I work for a Senator.

    Me: Oh really, which one?

    Her: You may have heard of him, Biden.

    Me: He does love to talk doesn’t he.

    Her: (Massive eyeroll. Slight smile indicating the affirmative. Change of topic.)

  71. 71.

    ThymeZone

    Well then, let’s cut to the chase.

    Let’s declare “War on Toons” and let’s Bring It On.

    Round up the cartoonists and render them to someplace where they can be buttfucked by crazed jailers and subjected to genital electric shocks.

    When they start to talk, and they will, then we can get the intel we need to crack down on these people who hate us for our

    { voice of melodramatic Mel Gibson }

    (lack of) freedom!

  72. 72.

    tBone

    Maybe in a nice cjurio cabinet? Or over your dør?

    I’m going to smack you with an umlaut if you don’t cut it out.

  73. 73.

    Tom in Texas

    The irony that people think Texas is the definition of right wing sometimes amazes me. While I freely admit that the lack of a state income tax tilts us much farther to the right than some states, TX is not the only state without one, and is actually much closer to the center politically than many Southern and Western states. The high urban population and large numbers of immigrants also have a disproportionate influence.

    I think Texas is basically four distinct states culturally and politically. East Texas is the home of Jasper and Vidor, and leans towards classic redneck racist politics. South Texas extending to El Paso, and including Northern Mexico is basically the United States of Meximerica — a hybrid state where most citizens flow between the border several times a year, if not a month or week. The West and Panhandle States is very sturdy Oklahoma rock solid conservative, and Central Texas/Hill Country is a small cherry of populist Western Democrat ideals on top of the whole thing. Now the borders between these states are murky, and especially in urban areas they blend together much more.

    And just think — you would all miss the next Molly Ivins or Ann Richards, a future Barbara Jordan or Mickey Lee.

  74. 74.

    Tsulagi

    I’m going to smack you with an umlaut if you don’t cut it out.

    Hey, don’t start flinging diaeresis around.

  75. 75.

    RSA

    And just think—you would all miss the next Molly Ivins or Ann Richards, a future Barbara Jordan or Mickey Lee.

    You make a great case for preserving Austin, TX.

  80. 80.

    Zifnab

    You make a great case for preserving Austin, TX.

    Just keep the capital and toss the rest. Wheat from the chaff.

    Also, someone mentioned something about nuking Houston. I’d be cool with that.

  81. 81.

    Krista

    Also, someone mentioned something about nuking Houston. I’d be cool with that.

    Not nice. Leave the eliminationist talk to the RedStaters, thank you very much.

  82. 82.

    Scruffy McSnufflepuss

    good call, TOS. Even BETTER—quite possibly the best in the country—is Gino’s East (downtown Chi-town). Hands-down the biggest ‘za you’ll even lay yer choppers into. I’m wiping saliva off my desk just typing about it…

    Chicago pizza is shit. Sorry to have to say it, but there it is.

  83. 83.

    Andrew

    Chicago pizza is shit. Sorry to have to say it, but there it is.

    Well, the problem is that it’s not pizza. Once you accept that, it’s quite good.

    Not nice. Leave the eliminationist talk to the RedStaters, thank you very much.

    How ’bout this: A worm hole opens, sucking Houston, and transports them to a far away galaxy full of sentient, angry pickup trucks.

  84. 84.

    JC

    Dude – you guys DO know who Houston votes for in elections, right?

    Hint – it’s not the Bush boys. And that’s 2 million voters.

    Dems need those votes guys!

    Of course, probably doesn’t help that it’s main economy is the oil companies – but then you need a wormhole that picks up VERY SPECIFIC BUILDINGS.

  85. 85.

    Zifnab

    Not nice. Leave the eliminationist talk to the RedStaters, thank you very much.

    Dude – you guys DO know who Houston votes for in elections, right?

    Hint – it’s not the Bush boys. And that’s 2 million voters.

    Yeah, listen, that’s all cool and all, but I live in Houston. Houston sucks. I can’t stress that enough.

  86. 86.

    Punchy

    Chicago pizza is shit. Sorry to have to say it, but there it is.

    It appears that perhaps you find Meow Mix and 9 Lives appetizing, and for that, you’re wholly unqualified to call The Best Pizza in the Nation “shit”.

    I suppose you think KC makes crappy BBQ, and New England’s chowder is bowel-in-a-bowl, too, right?

  87. 87.

    Tom in Texas

    And just think—you would all miss the next Molly Ivins or Ann Richards, a future Barbara Jordan or Mickey Lee.

    You make a great case for preserving Austin, TX.

    Jordan and Lee were Houstonians as is Sheila Jackson Lee and quite a few muckrakers whose names you know well. Just don’t assume all Texans, or even all Houstonians, are stereotypical Texans. It’s a bit of a sore spot with me. Houston is on a par with any city in America for cultural, economic, and political diversity, far more so than, say Boston or Delaware. Don’t stereotype. It puts you on a Red State level.

  89. 89.

    ThymeZone

    Chicago pizza is shit.

    Oh, absolutely. I grew up on New York Pizza, and from the first time I tasted that greasy, doughy crap from Chicago I thought it was some kind of a joke.

    Nothing I’ve seen since (more than two decades now) has changed my mind, in fact, quite the opposite.

    You talk about a scam. New York pizza, properly done, is where it’s at.

    Mind you, I’m an Arizonan, from a place where New York was basically the same as Mars, when I grew up here. But we had the common sense to know what Pizza is supposed to look like.

    Chicago Pizza is to Pizza as Chicago Cubs are to Baseball.

    No difference. Losers.

  90. 90.

    Tom in Texas

    As to the pizza debate, I am partial to St. Louis style myself. It’s a little sweeter, and very light and easy to wolf down. A dormmate in college from Missouri had his parents ship these things once a month or so to our dorm. Then I actually went to an Imo’s Pizza (right next to Forest Park). The best Pizza I have ever had.

  91. 91.

    Punchy

    Mind you, I’m an Arizonan, from a place where New York was basically the same as Mars, when I grew up here

    Why dont you stick to your expertise–cacti or species of roadrunners and/or clans of fundementalist Mormon–and do us all the favor?

    Really…a guy born and raised (I’m assuming) in ‘Zona commenting on pizza. That’s like me telling you what the best sand or place to cross the border is. I have no prob with you disliking Chi-town ‘za–but to claim it’s inferior to the cheesy cardboard they sell in NY is laughable.

  92. 92.

    demimondian

    OK, Punchy, I’ve been to all the best pizza places in Chicago, and to a bunch in Boston (a town with a justifiably poor reputation for pizza.)

    Boston’s pizza is better.

  93. 93.

    Rome Again

    Biden is a Delaware thing. You guys wouldn’t understand. He’s kept out the Dixiecrats and the DuPontian plutocrats, and he’s a good union guy in the state. He’s good for jobs in the state, too, which involves credit cards and corporations (to be fair, MBNA no longer exists).

    Yup!

    MBNA no longer exists? What did they do with that fortress on Ogletown Road that used to be an A&P?

  94. 94.

    demimondian

    KC makes crappy BBQ

    Actually, IIRC, TZ’s knowledge of BBQ is…sadly deficient. I think he actually likes the sugary-sticky stuff that passes for barbecue in Kansas City.

    I’d rather eat lobster.

  96. 96.

    Rome Again

    Round up the cartoonists and render them to someplace where they can be buttfucked by crazed jailers and subjected to genital electric shocks.

    Does that include me? I only made three, I swear, and none of them mentioned anyone by name directly.

  97. 97.

    jg

    Boston’s pizza is better.

    I agree. I haven’t had good pizza since I left Boston(except for a day in Naples last year).

    The only good pizza in Phoenix is Red Devil.

  98. 98.

    ImJohnGalt

    I suppose you think KC makes crappy BBQ

    That’s not BBQ, that’s pork doused in ketchup.

    NC is where BBQ is at.

    [sitting back, steepling fingers] My work here is done.

  99. 99.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    MBNA no longer exists? What did they do with that fortress on Ogletown Road that used to be an A&P?

    Last time I was down there, it was still up. I think it’s supposed to get demolished.

    Holy Shizzle Newport9, I never made the connection, are you in Newport? I’m originally from Newark, went to Christiana high school.

    Holy shit! I’m from Newark, too! NHS, though. NHS, after Shue, after Bayard. Good ol’ Christina School District. Shue’s a fun school. Gets worse every year, or so I’m told. (No one else will have any idea what we’re talking about, here.)

    What part of Newark are you from? I’m from Devon-Binns. It DOES get worse there every year, I can personally attest to it. Half the kids from the neighborhood are in jail or strung out on heroin. The other half live as far away as possible, like me.

  101. 101.

    Rome Again

    ZSC, I went to Shue. What elementary school did you go to? I went to Wilson up on Drummond Hill.

    What years were you in Shue? Was Mr. Ott still there?

  102. 102.

    Rome Again

    Well ZSC, I originally was from Drummond Hill area (Kirkwood Highway and Drummond Road), but when I turned 16, we moved up off of Chapel Hill Road and Paper Mill Rd intersection area, to an area called Unami Trail in Thompson’s Bridge area (used to drive past the de’Nemours Golf Course everyday, (and 9 foot road LMAO)

  104. 104.

    Rome Again

    half the kids were either in jail or strung out on heroin when I used to cruise down Main Street in my parents Cadillacs and pick them up for 100 rides around the cirle, before going to Pencader for beer ROFL.

    Yeah, I was part of the stoner’s crowd.

    OMG, brings back memories.

  109. 109.

    ThymeZone

    I think he actually likes the sugary-sticky stuff that passes for barbecue in Kansas City.

    I have never eaten BBQ in KC, or at any KC BBQ eatery, nor have I spoken of having done so, nor have I ever seen or tasted any KC BBQ.

    But other than that, you are spot on, dem.

  110. 110.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    ZSC, I went to Shue. What elementary school did you go to? I went to Wilson up on Drummond Hill.

    I went to Bayard, before that West Park. I know Wilson pretty well, though, one of my mother’s friends teaches there.

    What years were you in Shue? Was Mr. Ott still there?

    God, that’s a good question. I graduated high school in 1996, so I guess I was at Shue from the fall of 1990 to the spring of 1993. Ott doesn’t ring a bell, but then I forget half the teachers I had personally so I wouldn’t remember him anyway.

    Well ZSC, I originally was from Drummond Hill area (Kirkwood Highway and Drummond Road), but when I turned 16, we moved up off of Chapel Hill Road and Paper Mill Rd intersection area, to an area called Unami Trail in Thompson’s Bridge area (used to drive past the de’Nemours Golf Course everyday, (and 9 foot road LMAO)

    Pretty much across town from me, then. That far out on Kirkwood highway is barely even Newark anymore. You weren’t all that far from Delaware Park, if memory serves.

    half the kids were either in jail or strung out on heroin when I used to cruise down Main Street in my parents Cadillacs and pick them up for 100 rides around the cirle, before going to Pencader for beer ROFL.

    Yeah, let’s face it, there hasn’t been anything to do in Delaware but get high since the fucking Nanticoke and Lenne Lenape ran the place. Even Edgar Allen Poe spent his nights in Newark in an opium-induced stupor. Who can blame him?

  111. 111.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Hey, is Stone Balloon still open?

    Closed, torn down, and on its way to becoming condos. Sorry if you liked it, but I won’t miss it. Fucking frat bar. I was always an East End/Deer Park kinda guy. (The old Deer Park, mind you, not the Bob Ashby redux.)

  112. 112.

    ThymeZone

    but to claim it’s inferior to the cheesy cardboard they sell in NY is laughable.

    Uh huh. That thick, grease-laden dough that supports the Chicago pizza would be spit out and thrown away in any place that knows what pizza is.

    You should try selling some of that stool in Italy. Really. I hear Italians know something about the pie.

    Try that Losertown crap that sticks to your teeth like fucking window putty on them.

  113. 113.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Uh huh. That thick, grease-laden dough that supports the Chicago pizza would be spit out and thrown away in any place that knows what pizza is.

    New York pizza is the shit. Chicago pizza is shit. The difference is subtle, yet crucial.

    Anyway, I still say that Grotto’s is the best.

  114. 114.

    Rome Again

    ZSC, Drummond Hill road off of Kirkwood is the extention of Red Mill Road (or it used to be LMAO, things change so much around there than when I went back for my father’s funeral 21 years ago, I got lost in my own hometown. They totally redid the circle around downtown Newark by Cleveland Ave.)

    I used to live right across the street from Wilson, big white house as you look towards the shopping center from the playground.

  118. 118.

    Rome Again

    Even Edgar Allen Poe spent his nights in Newark in an opium-induced stupor. Who can blame him?

    I was just curious about Stone Balloon for historical reference. I spent more time in Deer Park Tavern too. My brother used to close the place every night, back when George Thoroughgood was playing there on a regular basis. They called my brother “2 o’clock Charlie.

  119. 119.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    ZSC, Drummond Hill road off of Kirkwood is the extention of Red Mill Road (or it used to be LMAO, things change so much around there than when I went back for my father’s funeral 21 years ago, I got lost in my own hometown. They totally redid the circle around downtown Newark by Cleveland Ave.)

    I think Newark changes completely every 18 months. Either that, or it’s just the most forgettable city on Earth. Half the street names are meaningless to me once you get away from the downtown or Devon-Binns.

    I used to live right across the street from Wilson, big white house as you look towards the shopping center from the playground.

    All the houses in that neighborhood look the same to me. I just remember that back in 2004, it was the only neighborhood in New Castle County I knew of where there were more Bush signs than Kerry signs up. That did not happen in Devon-Binns. I think there were 3 Bush signs in the whole neighborhood, versus 60 or 70 Kerry signs. (I hear Centreville is a pretty conservative area too, though.)

  121. 121.

    Krista

    Well, I’ve never had Chicago or New York pizza, but I can tell you that if you’re ever in Halifax, get thee to Salvatore’s Pizzaiolo Trattoria. Thin crust, premium olive oil, roasted garlic, sun-dried tomatoes, fresh herbs.

    It’s droolworthy

  122. 122.

    bernarda

    You are the first one I have seen that has had something intelligent to say about this “affair”.

    I have watched the clip several times and I cannot see anything about it that is racist. The criticisms are political correctness gone overboard.

    If the political debate is reduced to finding offense everywhere rather than talking about issues, we will just get more moron Rethuglicans in the Whitehouse.

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