Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

The arc of the moral universe does not bend itself. it is up to us to bend it.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

We will not go quietly into the night; we will not vanish without a fight.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

When I was faster i was always behind.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

T R E 4 5 O N

There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Do we throw up our hands or do we roll up our sleeves? (hint, door #2)

My right to basic bodily autonomy is not on the table. that’s the new deal.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

Mediocre white men think RFK Jr’s pathetic midlife crisis is inspirational. The bar is set so low for them, it’s subterranean.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

Usually wrong but never in doubt

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

Radicalized white males who support Trump are pitching a tent in the abyss.

You are here: Home / Elections / Election 2008 / Great Moments in Fake Punditry

Great Moments in Fake Punditry

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Chris: Isn’t this election just like a great FOOTBALL GAME? I mean, like a great knockdown, drag-out football game, where people are hitting each other really hard and really going at it? Don’t you think it’s just like a football game?

Howard: Not really, no.

Chris: I think it’s just like a football game, I really do. It reminds me of, you know, going to the stadium and seeing two teams just BATTLE back and forth. Only now we’re in OVERTIME! Isn’t it just like an OVER TIME FOOTBALL GAME?

Howard: Again, no. Football is an athletic contest played on a field whose outcome is determined by some combination of physical skill and good luck. This is a presidential primary election, whose outcome hinges on grass roots organization and effective if sometimes duplicitous PR and ad campaigns. It’s, you know, totally different.

Chris: Yeah, but can’t you just see Obama as the cocky young quarterback, who isn’t favored to win, but finds himself with a giant lead at the half? Only now he’s just trying to hang onto that lead, while the original favorite storms back and makes him sweat a little? Huh? I think he’s just like that. Don’t you think he’s like a football UNDERDOG here? A football underdog who kinda becomes the favorite, only to slip a little and therefore regain his underdog status? Isn’t he kinda like a slightly favored underdog?

Howard: What?

Thanks Big Daddy Balls.

Big Daddy Drew is a master of the imaginary conversation. Personally I’m a sucker for these fake conversation with real people type posts. If you know of any classics, post ’em below.

Reader Interactions

29Comments

  1. 1.

    Ninerdave

    I’ll admit it, I like Chris Matthews, he cracks me up. I see people getting bent out of shape about him all the time, however that requires that you take him seriously in the first place.

    That conversation above nails him to a tee.

  2. 2.

    Josh

    The fact that I had to actually follow the link in order to see it was a fake conversation, Christ…

  3. 3.

    ThymeZone

    I’ll admit it, I like Chris Matthews, he cracks me up. I see people getting bent out of shape about him all the time, however that requires that you take him seriously in the first place.

    That conversation above nails him to a tee.

    Interesting, because the fact that this nails him to a tee only reinforces my complete hatred of him. I despise him and the other pundits who are basically just doing performance art at us and calling it something else.

    I depsise them because they have no intellectual integrity, and no sense of humility that is appropriate for what they are doing. I know of only one guy who even comes close to that level of humility, and he’s no angel. That’s Bob Schieffer. The rest of these people are just whores, various versions of Rush Limbaugh, really, with a variety of ideological prejudices but otherwise just in the entertainment business.

    Two months of Reverend Wright, and we still are not talking about real issues, or even talking about John Hagee, who makes Wright look like Clifford the Big Red Dog by comparison.

    These are people who will talk for a week about complete bullshit and then speak with a straight face about how a candidate is having a hard time “getting his message out.”

    These are people who are totally about themselves, and care absolutely nothing for the somber process they are supposed to be engaged in.

    How the hell can anyone “like” Chris Matthews? The man is a train wreck who literally drools over powerful women on his show. And men, for that matter.

  4. 4.

    Brachiator

    The reality is just as numbingly stupid. From Andrew Sullivan’s site:

    An hilariously dead-on account by Al Giordano. And yes, it has already begun:

    The day begins with the Clinton campaign “leaking” something to the Drudge Report to set expectations for the day. That then gets repeated on political blogs and cable news, where Clinton surrogate Terry McAuliffe elaborates. Today’s “expectation”: That the Clinton campaign expects a “15 point” defeat in North Carolina. Clinton’s yapping puppies in the news media repeat the manufactured expectation all day long, in which the bar is supposedly now that if Clinton comes within 15 points in that state that she has somehow “won” with a 14 point (or 6 point) defeat.

    You know the rest …

    And sure as shootin’ I heard a reference to Drudge’s “scoop,” complete with acknowledgment that Clinton staffers were the source, on my commute to work this morning.

  5. 5.

    Librarian

    On Scarborough the other day, Tweety said that if the Democrats won the presidency and both houses, the GOP would be like “the Poles in exile in London.” That is, he compared the Democrats to Nazis. This is typical Tweety- bizarre historical analogies and pop culture references, blurted out off the top of his head without thinking, without even realizing what the fuck he is saying, without even realizing what he is saying might be offensive. This example is offensive and absurd on so many levels: it not only compares the Democrats to Hitler, it also implies that the GOP will be completely powerless- as if they will not have all the infrastructure that they will certainly have even if they are put of office, including the right wing media, etc. This verges on willfull deception- he is implying that the right wing really is a persecuted minority that its says it is, victimized by those evil liberals.

  10. 10.

    w vincentz

    Actually, though I’ve never previously considered the notion, I think I’ll “put my testicles in a garlic press”.
    Do you think I’ll sound like Pat Buchanan after my self surgery?

  11. 11.

    Ninerdave

    Two months of Reverend Wright, and we still are not talking about real issues, or even talking about John Hagee, who makes Wright look like Clifford the Big Red Dog by comparison.

    Yet it seems the ratings have been going up since the Rev. Wright thing.

    Face it news is and has been a business. It’s entertainment. The days of news as a public service are long gone.

    There are better places to get news than MSNBC. I know this. People who watch MSNBC (which isn’t a lot) most likely know this.

  13. 13.

    eric

    anybody think that at some point, we might start hearing the election used as a metaphor for sporting events?

  14. 14.

    Chuck Butcher

    I’d don’t know of an faux-conversation sites, but I’d hoped to start a conversation with this one Warfare Is What It Is and it just laid there and died. Since I’ve done pretty well at getting picked up by .com newspapers I thought it might go there – nope. So, I’m tossing it in front of you.

  18. 18.

    Ninerdave

    Oh, and if you’re interested MSNBC is streaming their live broadcast, so if you’re working you can listen to Tweety and Tim live!

    (along with the rest of the crew)

  19. 19.

    Zifnab

    I loved it. Except of course for the Vince Young Queer throwing style.

    Whatever. Any time Chris Matthews accuses another person of acting queer, the irony just kills me. It’s like hearing Donald Trump make fun of another man’s comb over.

  20. 20.

    KRK

    If you haven’t seen it, watch this clip of Montel Williams on Fox & Friends from late January. They invited him on to talk about Heath Ledger dying and he basically said, it’s really sad but it’s pretty digusting that nobody talks about what the hell is happening in Iraq. The Fox bloviators respond “we’re just feeding the beast” and “this is what our ratings demand.”

  22. 22.

    Dennis - SGMM

    Do you think I’ll sound like Pat Buchanan after my self surgery?

    A total Pat Buchanan impersonation necessitates that you hang a bag of cloves around your neck to cover up the old man smell.

  24. 24.

    John Cole

    Nothing beats the Kung Fu Monkey’s conversations.

    The crazification factor, by itself, is 3 of the top ten best posts of the intertrons.

  25. 25.

    IanY77

    Just beat me to it John. My fave was “You Uncurious Motherfuckers”: An imaginary conversation with the cast of Lost and John Rogers.

    Sample:

    Charlie: We can move everybody up here, for the water!
    John: (beat)
    John: There are two frikkin’ CORPSES over here!
    Jack: Oh, they’ve been here too long to even try to figure out who they were? (back to) We’ll be able to get out of the sun!
    Tyrone: Why don’t we check their clothing for labels, or evidence?
    John: How about we even take three goddam seconds to go through their pockets for anything OTHER than Santa Fe-style jewelry? And what about those stones?
    Tyrone: You’re a doctor, right? At least check for blunt-force trauma.
    Jack: I’m going back to the beach and tell Kate!
    (Jack and Charlie exit)
    John: I don’t even think he’s a doctor.
    Tyrone: Crazy fucking white people.
    John: That’s unfair.
    Tyrone: I’m going to hang with the brother down at the beach. Get some sanity.

  27. 27.

    Shygetz

    Chris Matthews is awesome!

    Oh wait, that was MSNBC? I thought it was Comedy Central. Oh my…

  28. 28.

    Argive

    Any Chicago Bears fans around here?

    Not too long ago, Big Daddy Drew penned what is probably the most masterful, elegant ripping of Rex Grossman that I have ever seen. It’s not an imagined conversation, but a monologue.

    “Is that Berrian? I think he’s triple-covered. You know what? Fuck it. I’m throwing it downfield.”

    http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2006/11/f-k-it-im-throwing-it-downfield.html

    Just think what Grossman could do if he actually was that confident.

  29. 29.

    riduc_ulus

    Between Ana Marie Cox and Marnie Vander Helsing, it’s amazing Chris Matthews’ head doesn’t explode everytime he has a blonde pundit on the aptly named Hardball.

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