Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

The revolution will be supervised.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Second rate reporter says what?

I conferred with the team and they all agree – still not tired of winning!

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Germany/Australia Open Thread

Germany/Australia Open Thread

by | 165 Comments

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I try to root for underdogs, but with a German background and having lived in Germany for a few years, I’ll be rooting for them.

As an aside, I have never seen a sport that has better, more consistent, and more controlled officiating than what I have seen so far in the World Cup. They are decisive, accurate, but very unobtrusive.

Which means I have no jinxed them and there will be a horrid call in no time.

Reader Interactions

165Comments

  1. 1.

    Bootlegger

    Klose starting is a bit of a surprise. It’ll be bunker-and-counter for the Aussies.

  10. 10.

    Bootlegger

    Maybe its just me, but what I see in those new balls isn’t an erratic flight path, instead the ball seems to skid on the bounce and take off. Balls played over the top that would usually land softly and check instead race for the touch line. The goals against England and Algeria are a direct result of the funky skidding bounce IMO. Anyone else see it?

  13. 13.

    Calipygian

    Well they just blew it by not calling Germany for offsides right before that goal.

  20. 20.

    CJ

    @Bootlegger:

    It’s really amazing how they improve tenfold during international play. Klose barely got off the bench at Bayern and Poldi did nothing at Cologne.

  21. 21.

    Kryptik

    The one thing that consistently makes me wonder is where countries end up deriving some of their official sports colors from. Like Netherland’s creamsicle orange. While you saw some of it in the WBC, the World Cup is the only place where you can see such things consistently.

  23. 23.

    Bootlegger

    @CJ: That factor is always the wild card at the World Cup. You have some players that play out of their heads for their country, and others, too often the “best” players, phone it in. It compresses the talent differentials which makes for a better tournament IMO.

  24. 24.

    Ed Drone

    @Bootlegger:

    Australia just got shafted there.

    Worse than when they joined the Coalition of the Willing.

    Well, no one has died from this shafting, so perhaps your statement is exaggerated? Hmmm?

    Ed

  25. 25.

    Kryptik

    Wow. That was a beautiful chance right there. Australia seems to have gotten more actual shots on goal, but Germany is the one getting the genuine scoring threats here.

  27. 27.

    JenJen

    Ahhh, was still posting in the other thread. So, just to repeat…

    We could use some subtitles for this Scottish announcer. WTF? I can understand maybe every fourth word and keep waiting for him to say “Trebek.” I’d so rather hear the match auf Deutsch if we can’t find a Yank announcer to call these games.

    Gaaaaaaah Klose!! Thought that was going in. But c’mon soccer haters, you gotta love the German speed and style! Isn’t this fantastic?

    As I mentioned in the other thread, having lived in Deutschland for years, and having first fallen in love with Fußball as a HSV (Hamburg) fan, I’m quite partial to the Germans. Gehen wir, Deutschland!!

    ETA: Da ist es!! Wooohooo! JAAAAAAAAAAA KLOSE!!

  28. 28.

    Bootlegger

    @Kryptik: Apparently orange is the color of the Dutch royal family.
    I’ve been to two World Cups and saw the Dutch play in each one and the sea of orange is a sight to behold. Especially on the backs of thousands of 2 meter giants.

  30. 30.

    Bootlegger

    @Ed Drone: Exaggeration? On Balloon Juice? No sir, I am the paramount of honest comparison, no satire here.

    Klose is in the books.

  31. 31.

    mextremist

    screw the krauts!!!

    still, they’re freaking scary when they play well. fast, strong, precise, clean…

    but where’s the flavor, the dribbles, the “jogo bonito”?

  33. 33.

    wobblybits

    @JenJen: Try Close Captioning if it is such a problem for you. I’m sure they offer it given that it is on a major network.

  36. 36.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Bootlegger: Also, Orange is a province of the United Provinces of the Netherlands. Remember that William III, King of England, was also William of Orange, which is why the Irish Protestants use orange in their own heraldry.

  37. 37.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    I’ve been too busy canoeing, backpacking and fly fishing Batten Kill to take seriously a bunch of grown men running around in short pants, kicking a ball and faking injuries.

  39. 39.

    mcd410x

    @wobblybits: Lol. I pay good money &not& to hear Americans announce soccer!

    Edt: God save us from Ty Keough and Jack Edwards. BULLET HEADER!@

  40. 40.

    Stroszek

    Germany refuting all attempts to blame sloppy play on the ball design. This is just brutal.

    @mextremist: I like how countries bring their culturally appropriate flavor to the game. Should the Germans be anything other than cold, terribly efficient machines? I don’t think so.

  42. 42.

    Bootlegger

    @FlipYrWhig: I didn’t know that about the Irish use of orange.
    @The Grand Panjandrum: So you expect us to care about a grown man traipsing through the woods and water in shorts pants, sleeping on the ground, and shitting in the leaves? My 7 and 9 year old do that all day.

  45. 45.

    JenJen

    @wobblybits: Uhhh, OK, Mr. Serious. /snark

    ETA: Off to Twitter where the fans aren’t joyless.

    @wobblybits: And I was supposed to know that how, again? I always associated Wobbly Bits with male-folk. Get over yourself. Seriously. /snark

  47. 47.

    mcd410x

    Time for a worst Jack Edward-isms thread in honor of Englishmen and Scots announcing the Cup!!

    Torpedo header

    Speed move

    He climbs the ladder!

  48. 48.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @JenJen:

    As someone who has played a lot of EA Sports’ FIFA series I’ve learned to understand what Ally McCoist is saying – and once you do you’ll find that he’s a wonderful color man.

    Listening to Martin Tyler call a soccer match is like listening to Vin Scully call a baseball game.

  49. 49.

    Kryptik

    Wow. That was a beautiful pass. It’s a shame he lost balance after the goalie slid in, that would’ve been guaranteed.

  51. 51.

    wobblybits

    @JenJen: Es ist mir egal, was sie denken. Noch Frage?
    Besides you are the one acting all crunchy. You made a remark that I replied to (thinking you were serious, I made a serious suggestion) and instead of letting it go, you are going on and on about it.

    Instead of focusing on lil ole me, just enjoy the game.

  52. 52.

    JenJen

    @wobblybits: Vertraust Du mir, es ist auch mir egal.

    Ja, ich habe “Du” gesagt.

    Anyhow, enough about you and your Scottish sensitivity, it was just an f’n joke. Great match so far!

  55. 55.

    Bootlegger

    Deutschlanders look good, maybe the Aussies need a better name than the Socceroos.

  56. 56.

    mextremist

    @Stroszek:

    good point. there’s exceptions, clearly: the dutch play beautifully AND strong and fast, and i find italian soccer devoid of style and flourish. of course i’m for mexico, but i can’t wait for spain to play. that’s some beautiful football: offensive, fast, delicious, team oriented but with shining personal plays.

    and all the people that complain about dives and fake injuries, it is totally cultural. english fans will boo and abuse their own teams if they play divas. the germans barely ever do that kind of shit either, which is why i respect them, even though i cant stand the bundesliga: too many teams with a goalie, 9 defenders and some freakish lightning-fast mutant up front.

  58. 58.

    wobblybits

    @JenJen: I have no scottish sensitivity (have no idea how you came to that conclusion)
    I use’ Sie’ with people I don’t know until the “duzen” is offered. If you are offering it now, then we can go with duzen.

  60. 60.

    wobblybits

    Can’t say it has been the most exciting match but the Germans are doing what the Germans do.

  61. 61.

    John Cole

    We could use some subtitles for this Scottish announcer. WTF? I can understand maybe every fourth word and keep waiting for him to say “Trebek.” I’d so rather hear the match auf Deutsch if we can’t find a Yank announcer to call these games.

    I honestly am not even noticing it, it is so slight. Although I did date a girl who couldn’t understand Sean Connery. The slightest hint of accent and she was lost.

    I lived with a Geordie from Newcastle as an undergrad- once you get used to one of them blathering on drunk for a couple years, no accent seems thick.

  63. 63.

    fbihop

    Australia is trying to do the bunker-back-and-counter… but they’re basically letting Germany do whatever they want on offense.

    Australia looks absolutely horrible.

  65. 65.

    I have issues with Baltimore

    @Bootlegger: And to bring this home, it’s why the Knicks and Mets colors include a lot of orange. It’s to honor New York’s dutch heritage (which can be seen everywhere if you know what to look for) as well as the dutch privateers who raised hell against the New England yankee forebears. In fact, one of New York’s greatest bad-asses was a peg-legged dutch governor named Peter Stuyvesant.

  66. 66.

    JenJen

    @wobblybits: Fair enough. No reason why we can’t be friends. You speak German, you’re probably a progressive, and you love football, so in real life we’d surely get along famously. Sorry for the misunderstanding, seriously. I apologize for that. Online nuance is tricky sometimes.

    And if I’m alone (here, at least; my friends at the bar are also taking a little glee in mocking the Scottish accent), then so be it. It was just a joke and I thought the “Trebek” snark would’ve given it away, but maybe I shouldn’t be so subtle next time.

    @John Cole: Wouldn’t be the first time “ich stehe allein” on the Juice. I mean, I’m a Habs fan, after all, right, Cole? ;-)

  67. 67.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @fbihop:

    The Aussies looked terrible against the U.S. last weekend. If Findley had finished two prime chances and they didn’t mysteriously call back a goal it would have been really ugly.

    Australia has no chance against the Germans in the second half.

  68. 68.

    wobblybits

    @JenJen: No problem. The internet is good for misunderstandings :) and yes to all three (plus I speak Portuguese).
    Feel free to make fun of their accents, I do the same to the Portuguese (hehe)

  69. 69.

    fbihop

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford:

    I was kind of thinking that tune up match might have been a aberration, because I’m not sure how a team this bad made the WC. Then again, North Korea made the cup and by all accounts they are horrible.

    This ref is yellow card happy. With Germany possessing and doing the bulk of attacking i wouldn’t be surprised to see Australia finish the game with 10 men.

  72. 72.

    JasonF

    I’m pulling for Australia, since we’ll likely be playing the winner of Group D in the next round and if that turns out to be Germany, our odds don’t look good. But unless Australia plays a second half completely different from their first half, it’s not looking good.

  74. 74.

    MBSS

    I honestly am not even noticing it, it is so slight. Although I did date a girl who couldn’t understand Sean Connery. The slightest hint of accent and she was lost.

    ala michael scott.

  76. 76.

    IM

    A positive surprise. At long least properly aggressive football in this tournament. Normally the german tean is much to defensive, making the ply rather boring. I hope they keep it up.
    If you were in Germany you could see a rare sight, Germans flag-waving.

  80. 80.

    mextremist

    that was not a red card. he pulled his feet back, there was no intent to hurt.

    still… australia is fucked….

  81. 81.

    fbihop

    I can’t tell if Germany is so great or if Australia is just that bad.

    Also, my prediction that Australia would finish with ten men seems to be borne out by a slightly harsh straight red card.

  82. 82.

    IM

    W

    ith Germany possessing and doing the bulk of attacking i wouldn’t be surprised to see Australia finish the game with

    10 men.

    That was quick. And now it’s all over save for the crying.

  84. 84.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    Well, you can take the player out of Millwall but you can’t take the Millwall out of the player.

  86. 86.

    sven

    I am suddenly find myself really hoping that the U.S. wins group C…

    It is way too easy to picture our fullbacks being humiliated in the same fashion by Germany.

  87. 87.

    Kryptik

    That yellow looked bad too. From the replay, it didn’t look like any contact at all.

  89. 89.

    JenJen

    @wobblybits: I owe you a drink. :-)

    Deep Thought: It’s been at least 15 minutes since some hater came along to say how lame soccer is. What gives? ;-)

    Deep Thought #2: The vuvuzelas are as nap-inducing as watching a Cubs game on a weekday afternoon. Something about the cicada-esque drone is quite lulling.

  90. 90.

    fbihop

    The red card was harsh, but not an absolutely horrible call. He was from behind and late, the ref was right there. Plus this ref has been handing out yellow cards like they were candy and it’s Halloween; the players have to adjust for a ref calling a tight game.

    EDIT: Though if the US sees this ref, is there any doubt that Michael Bradley is gone by the 60th minute?

  96. 96.

    wobblybits

    At times like this, you wish there was a mercy rule. This is just painful to watch (as a soccer fan)

    ETA: I’m thrilled for Germany.

  97. 97.

    PanAmerican

    ESPN has been floundering around for a couple of World Cups. In 2006 they went with familiar voices like Dave O’Brien for the soccer neophytes. The result was a massive English language audience bleed off to Univision. So this time they went with the British accents to placate the purists.

    I suspect the problem is Pablo Ramirez and Jesus Bracamontes are the shit.

    We’ll see how the rating shake out.

  98. 98.

    burnspbesq

    If you think the Socceroos are lame, wait til you see the All Whites. No team whose best player is Ryan Nelsen belongs anywhere near a World Cup.

  100. 100.

    IM

    Hey! Müller. Now that is a traditional name. Like in 1974!

    Ok, is is also a common name. Still. And it is good we are not only defending our advantage.

  101. 101.

    Nemo_N

    Rumor has it there is a secret factory in Germany (run by Daimler and Wolkswagen) where german players are manufactured.

  103. 103.

    Bootlegger

    @fbihop: I thought Bradley Jr. did a good job staying on his feet verse England. Maybe his German coach finally got through his thick head when he benched the gaffers’ son.

    Ouch. 4-0. I’m going outside and pretend I’m doing something useful.

  105. 105.

    Mark S.

    All right, I’m starting to feel bad for the Aussies.

    And it’s really not fair if the Germans are going to start having Brazilians on their team.

  107. 107.

    Ked

    …ouch. Poor Aussies.

    My ABC affiliate is fuxxored, so I’m watching on Univision. Is it just me, or do they have the stadium sound tuned differently than ESPN/ABC? I can actually hear identifiable crowd noise above the tooting. Or maybe the acoustics are different at this location.

  109. 109.

    IM

    We import players nowadays, too. And it even works. My decision to start drinking red wine (south african!) was justified.

    Poor australians.

  110. 110.

    mcd410x

    If the Roos just had more Brazilians and Poles and Turks, they might have a chance …

  114. 114.

    Steeplejack

    Well, whoever was calling earlier today for more scoring is getting their wish: Germany 4-0. And I’m looking like a genius for saying they might whale on Australia. (Pure chance, I assure you. Or just pointing out the obvious.)

  115. 115.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @Mark S.:

    The Germans have a Brazilian (Cacau), a Turk (Ozil), a Tunisian (Khedira) and two Poles (Klose and Podolski).

  116. 116.

    fbihop

    This isn’t even the worst beat down handed out by Germany in the last few World Cups. Remember the 8-0 victory over Saudi Arabia in 2002?

    Kinda makes me think that Asia has too many spots that the World Cup. Give one of them to Africa, FIFA!

  118. 118.

    John Cole

    I’ll let those of you with more experience discuss this, but to me, it seems what Germany does better than anyone else is precision passing on the interior of the field while on the attack. They put the ball perfectly in play in the middle of the field and remain onside and open up magnificent possibilities. Much better than anyone else we have seen, I think.

  120. 120.

    Ked

    @fbihop: …I thought I heard one of the commentators Friday talking about Africa having more slots than they used to, though I’m struggling to find real numbers. …I’m only counting… three? Asian teams this year, though maybe if Austrailia and NZ are tossed in with them it’s five.

    Also, North Korea? WTF.

  121. 121.

    wengler

    With Tim Cahill out, I don’t see how the Socceroos have a chance after this drubbing. My favorites Germany and Ghana will be in great position after this first round. BTW if the US get through they will be playing a team from this group in the Round of 16.

  122. 122.

    Steeplejack

    @John Cole:

    They gots the tight feet for sure. Very few botched passes or putting the ball where they thought the guy was going to be rather than where he actually was. Creates relentless pressure.

  123. 123.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @wobblybits:

    It’s a shame Jermaine Jones could not get fit to pair alongside Michael Bradley.

    If the U.S. had a healthy Jones and Davies I think they would have been real dark horses this tournament.

  126. 126.

    Ked

    @John Cole: It’s the German style of play, and has been for a long, long time, at least on the national squad.

    I was in-country there in the summer of 96 during the European Championship, and at least on the surface level they’re doing the same things today as I saw then. Maybe they’re going forward with the ball a little more, maybe their control isn’t quite as good.

    Germany won that year. The party which followed was one of the most terrifying nights of my life.

  127. 127.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @John Cole:

    The Germans are technically superior (passing, touch, spacing, etc) and they are up against 9 gassed, old Aussies.

  128. 128.

    fbihop

    @John Cole:

    I think their aided by the fact that Australia has had trouble following their marks all game. Same problem the USA had on the goal yesterday against England — and Germany has punished them like England did the USA.

    Germany feasts on poorly organized teams, and Australia’s defense seems like they have no idea how to play alongside each other.

    And once Australia went down to ten men, Germany switched to cruise control.

  131. 131.

    fbihop

    @Ked:

    Asia has four (Japan, North Korea, South Korea and Australia). New Zealand is in Oceania (where Australia used to be but Australia moved to Asia because otherwise they were just beating tiny island nations 20-0).

    Africa has six this year, thanks to host South Africa getting an automatic bid.

    South America has five and could easily have another one.

    It just seems like Asia has their crappy teams qualify.

  132. 132.

    jomo

    That was interesting. Two yellow cards for flopping. Don’t think I’ve seen that before.

  134. 134.

    Cacti

    Well, this one went about like I thought it would.

    Being a fan of Brazil, I’ve never been much for the joyless Teutonic efficiency of team Germany.

    I must say, the trend of giving citizenship to foreign ringers makes me laugh. Mario Gomez the German. Good times.

  135. 135.

    Ked

    Hmm. Looking at wikipedia it looks like qualifying didn’t change from 2006, but they did tweak after 2002 to give Africa one more guaranteed slot, where before they had four and a playoff for a fifth with some other areas.

  137. 137.

    PanAmerican

    You would think the English would be all over importing a keeper or two or three.

    The CONCACAF vs. CONMEBOL play-in is bullshit. They should have continued to let those two sides to clean out the AFC-OFC deadwood.

  139. 139.

    lethargytartare

    @Nemo_N:

    That was a yellow, not a red.

    maybe it was karma for Cahill’s 2006 behaviour.

    Really loving this dismantling of the Aussies, in much the same way I enjoyed watchign Henry complain about a missed hand-ball call Friday…

  141. 141.

    kgrant1073

    @kgrant1073: Oh, hell, I forgot Turkey was neutral in WW2. A bad joke is made even worse where you get the bloody facts wrong. Bah.

  142. 142.

    wobblybits

    @kgrant1073: No. They went to Uruguay, Paraguay, Argentina and Bolivia. The germans immigrants we (Brasil) have (my great grandmother was one) came over in the 19th century to mainly the south and southeast.

  143. 143.

    IM

    I am rooting for the home team here, but I think it was a nice game. No “joyless efficiency” from my point of view.

  145. 145.

    kgrant1073

    @wobblybits: Kindly pay no attention to my hamfisted joke that is now withering away at an alarming pace. Nothing to see here, move along. :)

  147. 147.

    SRW1

    @Cacti:

    His father is Spanish and his mother German. He was born and grew up in Germany. So, what’s the problem? His name?

  148. 148.

    Cacti

    @SRW1:

    Didn’t know that.

    But if you want to get huffy and puffy and maybe call me a name of some sort, go ahead.

  150. 150.

    Isik

    “the non-German German guns for hire”
    So that would make me a “non-American American” since my country of birth is the same as Mesut Ozil’s parents? But I’m still not clear on how Mesut is a non-German German, having been born in Germany, lived in Germany and chosen to play for Germany despite unbelievable pressure to play for the Turkish team.

  151. 151.

    Onkel Fritze

    @cacti:
    Didn’t know but complained anyway. Classy.

    Btw., Khedira has the same history. Tunesian dad, German mother. Özil was born in Germany. Klose and Podolski came to Germany as little kids and grew up here. Lots of Polish people emigrated to Germany in the 80s and 90s.
    Cacau is the only one who came to Germany as an adult (at the age of18). He lived in Germany 10 years before he was nationalised.
    On the bench we still have Trochowski, also Polish-born and Aogo and Boateng who are both half-African. The half-brother of Jerome Boateng actually is playing for Ghana.

    Maybe we should only allow native Americans for the USA? I’m looking forward to the US qualifying in second place, though :-)

  154. 154.

    frankdawg

    @Kryptik:

    Yes, Orange is the royal color of Holland – William the Orange, who became King of England was of the House of Orange-Nassau who threw the Spanish out of Holland & became strong Protestants – the reason the Protestant Irish are called ‘Orange’ & is also remembered as the reign of William and Mary.

  155. 155.

    tgp

    Even America has a brazilian–Benny Feilhaber–but he isnt nearly as good as cacauo. We got ripped off.

    I still dont understand why castillo didnt get more of a run out at left back. We could really have used another person who could actually play that position as opposed to bornstein who is there to allow other teams to score.

  156. 156.

    wobblybits

    @tgp: He was actually offered a spot on the Austrian team a few years back but opted for the American team instead. Didn’t know his family had immigrated to the U.S. when he was 6.

  158. 158.

    Cacti

    @Onkel Fritze:

    I know. I’m a horrible person.

    I think I’ll go kill myself now.

    The thought of offending some anonymous poster is just more than I can bear.

  162. 162.

    slightly_peeved

    Man. I got up at 4am for that?

    The main trouble for Australia is that two of our main forwards – Bresciano and Kennedy – were out injured, which just left Cahill sitting up the top.

    Germany had no pressure on their defence, and could just sit hammering our goal.

    Without Cahill, it’s looking pretty grim.

    That said, Lucas Neill could spend a little less time whining to the ref and more time working on the offside trap.

    the non-German German guns for hire”

    It’s called immigration, mate. I know the US are going to paint over that inscription on the Statue of Liberty and replace with “Dey took ar Jerbs!” any day now, but the rest of the world are still doing it. Half the Australian team could play for Croatia, and half the Croatian team (at least in 2006) could play for Australia. That’s not including the other players on the Australian side who could play for Italy, Greece or England. Kewell has an English accent for crying out loud.

  164. 164.

    DaveInOz

    What Pim Verbeek was thinking I’ll never know. I know the odds of Australia getting a result here were pretty slim but playing without a striker? Madness.

    Having said that, Germany were excellent – their passing and movement were first class. Cahill’s sending off was a bit harsh but no complaints – it could have been a lot worse.

    And congratulations to Scott Chipperfield for finally catching up with one of the Germans…. to exchange shirts.

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