Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. keep building.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

President Musk and Trump are both poorly raised, coddled 8 year old boys.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

Let the trolls come, and then ignore them. that’s the worst thing you can do to a troll.

Bark louder, little dog.

She burned that motherfucker down, and I am so here for it. Thank you, Caroline Kennedy.

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

He really is that stupid.

The revolution will be supervised.

Dear elected officials: Trump is temporary, dishonor is forever.

The lights are all blinking red.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

You are here: Home / Politics / Religion / Jesus DIAF

Reader Interactions

135Comments

  2. 2.

    dmsilev

    Was there a radio announcer watching the fire who cried out “Oh, the divinity!”? Because if not, there really should have been.

    dms

  4. 4.

    clone12

    wouldn’t it be funny had the internal structure been made to look like Terminator?

  10. 10.

    JenJen

    Jamie Holly just wrote this on Twitter:

    Now let’s see how good that Jesus statue really was. If it’s back in 3 days then I’ll become a believer.

    In a way, it’s bittersweet… I’m going to miss driving my curious out-of-towner friends for the obligatory Touchdown Jesus photos.

    ETA: I hope someone’s told Bill Maher. Touchdown Butter Jesus was prominently featured in “Religilous.”

    ETA2: Now with VIDEO!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUZ3d1tTbWg&feature=youtu.be

  11. 11.

    Sarcastro

    Don’t you see what’s going on? Lightning struck a statue of Jesus. And what’s the word for lightning in Arabic? Barack! Ergo, Obama did it as part of a nefarious Islamo-fascist plot.

  12. 12.

    mr. whipple

    If they rebuild, I suggest a lightning rod on his head and proper grounding techniques.

  15. 15.

    Ash Can

    OK, these folks made an enormous statue out of styrofoam and wood, out in the open, and made its appendages extend high above the ground. In an area that gets storms featuring lightening (not to mention the potential for high winds).

    No one, but no one, could have anticipated…

    Oh, man. Maybe I’m just still overtired from last week, but this story has me in stitches. The photo sequence alone is priceless.

  16. 16.

    Cyrus

    On a related note, people were struck by lightning three times while working on Gibson’s Passion of the Christ. There are two possible messages to this. The first is, to quote a commenter at Pharyngula in response to a similar story, there’s a god, and he’s on the atheist’s side.

    The second message, of course, is to be very careful how you set up large metal objects outdoors, because it’s liable to be struck by lightning, you morons. But that’s less interesting.

  17. 17.

    beltane

    @4tehlulz: Yep. As far as I’m concerned these non-denominational churches do nothing but promulgate blasphemy and idolatry. These people are “saved” so all the nasty stuff they do has God’s blessing. Likewise, they also believe that if they throw stones at gays and liberals, Jeebus will reward them with a Hummer and an 80″ flat screen TV.

    These people need to build their Jesus statues out of granite like the Catholics do; it shows a lot more class and awareness of the environment.

  18. 18.

    Legalize

    I promise you. Chuckles are being had, and emails are being passed around in my N. Ky. office this morning.

  20. 20.

    leinie

    Isn’t it obvious? God finally got around to looking at that thing, said “fuck is that ever ugly, doesn’t look like my kid at all” and then ordered him up some lightning.

  23. 23.

    R. Porrofatto

    It probably would have helped if the Solid Rock Church used some of that rock instead of styrofoam for Jesus.

  24. 24.

    fucen tarmal

    burning a cross just wasn’t enough “statement” with all them librul muslims and fornicators roaming free in washington.

  26. 26.

    Linda Featheringill

    @leinie:

    Isn’t it obvious? God finally got around to looking at that thing, said “fuck is that ever ugly, doesn’t look like my kid at all” and then ordered him up some lightning.

    I agree. I saw the story as a news item this morning and my first reaction was “Everyone’s a critic.”

    But I also agree with 4tehlulz and the golden calf reference. Those folks built themselves a freaking idol!

    I don’t even bother to stage a defense against people who say that Americans are weird.

  29. 29.

    bkny

    this jesus aflame story has just so completely made my day:

    From the Dayton Daily News:

    ” … Also gathered along Union Road were Franklin twins and storm chasers Levi and Seth Walsh, who said they were out in the thunderstorm when they heard about the fire through a Facebook update.

    “It sent goosebumps through my whole body because I am a believer,” said Levi Walsh, 29. “Of all the things that could have been struck, I just think that that would be protected. … It’s something that’s not supposed to happen, Jesus burning,” he said. “I had to see it with my own eyes.”

    “I can’t believe Jesus was struck,” said his brother, who noted the giant Hustler Hollywood sign for the adult store across the street was untouched. “It’s the last thing I expected to happen

  30. 30.

    wilkesbarre

    The wrath of God struck down the figure erected by these idolaters, who believe in the power of graven images and the permanence of solid rock.

  31. 31.

    Halteclere

    @mr. whipple:

    If they rebuild, I suggest a lightning rod on his head and proper grounding techniques.

    Yea, but that would require an appreciation of science and worldly knowledge.

  32. 32.

    rachel

    “I can’t believe Jesus was struck,” …

    He wasn’t. The thing that was struck is what we call a “statue.” Or possibly “an offense against good taste.”

  33. 33.

    Bill In OH

    @bkny: Care to wager as to whether the fire will result in any lessons being learned by the Franklin twins? Nah, who am I kidding?

  34. 34.

    Crusty Dem

    You’ve got to hand it to the Muslims, this never would’ve happened to Muhammed.

  37. 37.

    donnah

    We’re in Dayton, and I read this in our paper today and roar-de-roared with laughter. We make fun of Touchdown Jesus every time we drive by.

    Local friends commented that if the Jesus is back in three days, they’re going to the Solid Rock Church.

    Of course, it all comes down to this: It’s Obama’s fault.

    Local news coverage here:

    http://www.whiotv.com/video/23901994/index.html

  38. 38.

    bkny

    @Bill In OH:

    what cracks me up (there are so many) is they are described as ‘stormchasers’, that i intuited would mean they would understand something about conditions ripe for lightning strikes.

    (and the realization about the porn palace across the street …)

  40. 40.

    Halteclere

    @bkny:

    what cracks me up (there are so many) is they are described as ‘stormchasers’, that i intuited would mean they would understand something about conditions ripe for lightning strikes.

    Just because you chase it doesn’t mean you you have to understand it.

    Ohioans need to speak to someone from the gulf coast region on how to properly handle lightning strikes.

  41. 41.

    New Yorker

    Can they replace it with a giant statue of Tim Tebow? It would make more sense of the whole “touchdown” thing.

  42. 42.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    @donnah: LOL, I liked the guy saying it was a clear sign they were doing something wrong. I would say building a giant lightning rod is a likely suspect. But never fear, church officials plan to rebuild it.

    Monroe is in my birth county of Butler, wingnut, USA.

  45. 45.

    themis

    I used to live by that monstrosity. Good riddance. I guess jesus is pissed that more people are going to the new outlet mall just down the road.

  46. 46.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    @Sarcastro:

    And what’s the word for lightning in Arabic? Barack! Ergo, Obama did it as part of a nefarious Islamo-fascist plot.

    Oh, it’s even better. “Barack” is “blessed” in Arabic – it’s “lightning” in Hebrew. Fear our jellus vengeful G-d, gentile bitchez!

  47. 47.

    Jennyjinx

    I just want to note that the church wasn’t damaged, which means that TD Jesus protected the holy sanctuary as only Jesus can do.

  49. 49.

    pharniel

    NOT TOUCHDOWN JESUS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    the drive to Dragon*Con is never gonna be the same again.

  50. 50.

    Randy P

    I know Touchdown Jesus. When my mom lived in Cincinnati I used to fly into Dayton sometimes for cheaper air fare, and I’d drive past TJ. This makes me kind of sad, even though I’d always get kind of edgy and drive a little faster on this stretch of the highway (the entire concept of megachurches has this effect on me).

  53. 53.

    Randy P

    @Chad N Freude: I’ll lay odds that the sermons in this church are going to emphasize that it happened because donations weren’t large enough.

    Somehow Gawd’s True Message always involves digging a little deeper in your pockets.

  54. 54.

    Hypnos

    It seems obvious to me that the Ancient Greeks had it right on this whole “gods” business.

  57. 57.

    Throwin Stones

    I used to drive by that eyesore daily to and from work.
    I really hope they think hard about a better way to show their beliefs and spend $500K than reconstruction.

  59. 59.

    Joshua Norton

    A little ditty that made the rounds after the 1906 earthquake in San Francisco:

    “If, as they say, God spanked the town
    For being over-frisky,
    Why did He burn His churches down
    And spare Hotaling’s whiskey?”

    Preachers never see the beam in their own eye.

  60. 60.

    Ash Can

    @bkny: I’m reading that thread, and re-reading this one, and getting hysterical all over again. I love the fellow in the Gawker thread who says that when they were making one of the hands, they started with the middle finger, and his sister sent him a picture of Jesus flicking everyone off. I’m so glad I have a box of kleenex here next to me.

  61. 61.

    El Cruzado

    I thought he was Drowning Jesus rather than Touchdown Jesus, but both nicknames are full of Awesome in my book. I remember him from a Smithsonian documentary on sculpture (specifically about the episode about Big Sculptures).

  66. 66.

    Legalize

    9/11 calls:
    At least one passerby and a Warren County dispatcher called Monroe police to report the blaze late Monday. The dispatcher conveyed the information to Monroe after receiving reports about the fire on the county’s main 911 line, said Lt. Brian Curlis of Monroe police.
    “Hey, it’s county,” the county dispatcher told the Monroe dispatcher. “Did you get a call for the Jesus being on fire at Solid rock yet?”

    “Noooo!” she responded.

    “Apparently it’s been struck by lightning and it’s now on fire,” he told her.

    “Nice,” the dispatcher wryly said.

    The county dispatcher called back at least twice to report more details on the blaze, including that the right hand of the statue was burning.

    The other caller passed by and reported the blaze.

    “The emergency is at Solid Rock Church on Union Road!” the passerby said. “Lightning struck the statue of Jesus! It’s on fire. Thank you. Bye”.

  67. 67.

    donnah

    Someone said, “Oh great, now it’s going to be harder to give directions to Trader’s World.”

    New favorite quote:

    “built by nuts, destroyed by bolts”

    hahahaha!

  68. 68.

    TaMara (formerly Bad Horse's Filly)

    @TR: Okay, I’m only 6 comments in and already spit my coffee on the keyboard. I’m going to have to set it aside before I continue to read. I know this whole thread is going to be full of win.

  69. 69.

    LindaH

    It is now time to all bow our heads,fall over laughting and listen one more time to Heywood Banks’ Big Butter Jesus. The real tragedy is that this song will no longer have the deep and hilarious meaning that it used to. At least until Solid Rock Church rebuilds Big Butter Jesus, as I suspect they will.

  70. 70.

    suzanne

    This is the best part:

    “I can’t believe Jesus was struck,” said his brother, who noted the giant Hustler Hollywood sign for the adult store across the street was untouched. “It’s the last thing I expected to happen.”

    Shit. I…I just can’t even touch that shit. Reality is SO MUCH MORE FUCKING FUNNY than fiction.

  71. 71.

    maya

    Touchdown Jesus? I doubt that Jesus played or watched Americanized football. Gooooooaalllllllll Jesus would have been much more biblically appropriate, no?

  72. 72.

    roshan

    Well last time he nailed himself, this time he self immolated, next time I am hoping he works out something more spectacular with Jerry Bruckheimer.

  73. 73.

    woodrowfan

    I used to go to Trader’s World all the time when I lived in Dayton. (or visited family) Somehow I’m not surprised that this Jesus thingy was so close to a huge flea market….

  75. 75.

    New Yorker

    I’m going to use this thread to comment on how garish and ugly much of the evangelical christian stuff that gets built in the south and midwest is.

    Last summer, I went on a road trip through the Blue Ridge with a friend of mine who grew up in Germany, went to college in Boston, and now lives in New York. He had never experienced the exurban and rural south, and he didn’t know what to make of the churches with hideous neon signs and ghastly displays that were all along I-81 as we were driving south through Virginia. I was completely familiar with it, as well as with the random hills in cow pastures that had 3 crosses on them. Welcome to “Real America”, I told my friend.

  76. 76.

    Amir_Khalid

    @Crusty Dem: 4tehlulz is absolutely right about the Golden Calf. That’s why there’s never been a statue of the Prophet erected anywhere in the Muslim world: Muslims revere Muhammad, as we do Jesus, but we don’t worship either of them.

    Wood and Styrofoam? For an OUTDOOR statue? Srsly?

  79. 79.

    Scott E.

    My family settled in South Dakota and a great great relative of mine penned her memoirs about the pioneers back then. According to her, if you put a lightning rod on your house you did not believe in God to save your house. This is not a joke.

    That wasn’t THAT long ago. :(

  83. 83.

    Snarki, child of Loki

    Maybe the bolt from above was because their church’s leadership has a clutch of wildly kinky closet cases.

    Wetsuits, dildos, all that jazz.

    Time for the denunciations and purges to begin…

  86. 86.

    sukabi

    if the “Solid Rock” church had built Touchdown Jesus out of solid rock instead of plastic, Touchdown Jesus would have remained rock solid, or maybe not… there is something in the Bible about not worshiping graven images, false idols and such so maybe this is a “warning from above”, if you believe in that stuff, and they do….

  88. 88.

    licensed to kill time

    This is one of the best mornings I’ve ever had on Balloon Juice. The right hand of Jesus is struck by the right hand of Gawd! O ye of little crispiness, behold my creation.

    I guess Gawd prefers cremation.

  90. 90.

    Don K

    My partner took one look at the before pic and said, “It looks like a zombie rising from the ground.”

    Now regarding the porn shop, maybe God was trying to zap the porn and missed? Nah, God is perfect and never misses. Oh, wait…

  91. 91.

    IndyLib

    This is from the Yahoo News comments via Wonkette –

    okayy look..they arent downing anyones religion or anything. they are talking about something horrible that happened. and its wrong for yall to criticize people. and Ed you are right God is Love but that doesnt mean that people cant make a statue of Jesus. You dont know how many people could have gotten saved because of that statue. That statue is a symbol to people. It openss peoples eyes and lets them know they can still be saved and go to Heaven with their Lord and Savior. I am a Christian. And I take to offense half the comments that are on here. Yall should be ashamed of yalls selves. And just so you know before God will forgive you, you must forgive yourself of your wrongdoing. And what yall put on here is wrong. Yall dont seem to care about the fact that Bishop and his wife paid alot of money to have that statue made. Yall just care about criticizing people and putting down people. Yall should care about what happened and feel sorry for them. But yall dont and that is just plain rude. And Jenny I agree with you 100 percent

    Read more at Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/416002/giant-statue-of-jesus-bombed-from-space-by-real-jesus-thor#more-416002#ixzz0qwR14OMt

    What is with the lack of punctuation in y’all?

  93. 93.

    TracieLynn

    @ General Egali Tarian Stuck :

    Lemon-Monroe grad here.

    It has certainly changed since I was running around that area.

    I take the burning Jesus as a sign from God. Wasn’t there something about not worshipping graven images in the 10 commandments?

  96. 96.

    Tax Analyst

    @IndyLib:

    What is with the lack of punctuation in y’all?

    Are you sure that comment isn’t from a spoof? If it had a bunch of capitalization and exclamation points I might even suspect DougJ, but I think he’d go over-the-top a mite more than the comment reflects (unless he lost his touch).

    Also, I guess it would really need to be in the form of one run-on sentence.

    But then I’m not really an expert on spoofs, having only been introduced to the concept a couple years ago over here at Balloon Juice.

  101. 101.

    tkogrumpy

    I got nothin’. But i’m gonna need an extra spritz of combivent I’ve been laughing so hard.

  103. 103.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    Lemme guess – Obama was going to give a speech somewhere and they were praying for it to be rained out?

  104. 104.

    rf80412

    @Sarcastro: Obama controls the weather?! We’re all doomed! And liberals are responsible for global warming in order to make us give up meat and SUVs!

  105. 105.

    PanAmerican

    And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.

  107. 107.

    Polish the Guillotines

    @bkny:

    “I can’t believe Jesus was struck,” said his brother, who noted the giant Hustler Hollywood sign for the adult store across the street was untouched. “It’s the last thing I expected to happen.”

    I always suspected Larry Flynt was god. This proves it.

  108. 108.

    Jerry 101

    I dunno… Jeebus statue struck down by lightning?

    I wonder if Zeus finally woke up and decided to reassert his authority.

  109. 109.

    MFA

    “I wonder what the members of the Solid Rock church in Monroe, Ohio did to cause this obvious visitation of the wrath of the creator…”

    Um…made for themselves a graven image to worship?

  110. 110.

    sherifffruitfly

    Has Pat Robertson told us yet that it was God’s revenge against teh gays?

  112. 112.

    Patriot 3

    They will rebuild a bigger and better Jesus who is not as flammable because of dual lightning rods in his backpack.

  113. 113.

    Americanadian

    Now they just need to get that god-awful giant metal cross down in Effingham (IL) and make a clean sweep of things.

  114. 114.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    Perhaps Jesus is just trying to tell all His followers to put statue money to better use. Lots of poor folks, unemployed folks, hungry kids, mistreated pets in this world to spend money on. Statues seem just a tad wasteful.

  116. 116.

    gmknobl

    One thing’s for certain. Their Jesus wasn’t solid rock.

    I wonder if they were the garden media variety conservative, which means they probably thinks this means they need to get more conservative and kill people or if they were a thinking church that cares about people and doesn’t forcibly evangelize “non-believers.” Of course, the problem with that statement is that it implies media type “Christian” conservatives don’t care about people.

    Anyone see a problem there?

  117. 117.

    Mnemosyne

    I wish I could choose between the funny comments on here, but I just can’t, so I guess (for obvious reasons) I’ll have to vote for Greek mythology:

    Hmm. I think in Jesus vs. Zeus, Zeus won.

  119. 119.

    Phoebe

    I’m told by someone following this very closely that they’re going to build another one. At which point, hipsters can go back to doing this.

  121. 121.

    Wildweasels

    This is too cool. It doesn’t take much to make me laugh at the jebus people.

  123. 123.

    Bella Q

    You would not believe the traffic issues from all the gawkers, unless you’re a local. For miles north and south of Monroe traffic has been crawling all.damned.day. I never rarely have a need to have to go by Touchdown Jesus, but today I did. It’s the quickest way from Butler County Common Pleas to Warren County Common Pleas. You’d think some kind member of the court staff could have mentioned the lightning strike, but no, they let me get tangled up in all that mess.

  125. 125.

    Glen Tomkins

    The Wrath of God

    Look, everyone knows that if you go in for making graven images, you need to make them out of gold. That cellophane shit just doesn’t cut it when it comes to appeasing an angry God. Lose the chintz and cheapness, okay, if you don’t want the Hairy Thunderer sending his bolts the way of your clearly inadequate offerings.

    Oh, and please don’t come back at God with the idea that this cellophane monstrosity cost them a quarter of a megabuck, so therefore it should be an adequate offering. If there’s one thing that gets God even more pissed than worshipers too effing chintzy to sculpt Him in gold, it’s worshipers too effing stupid to know not to pay a quarter of a million for effing cellophane.

  127. 127.

    Restrung

    Cheap POS Jesus statue responsible for damage to valuable audio equipment.

    Jesus saves church, except for the rock concert.

  130. 130.

    Ecks

    When they rebuild, I think it would show Jesus to be a caring yet powerful deity if they gave him a little pet to hold. Perhaps a cat or a dog or… no, a calf. A nice baby cow, good and biblical. He could pet it or something. And then if they didn’t have the money to make the whole statue out of gold, they could still just make the calf out of it, and then it would really visually pop, you know. Make a striking visual contrast, and no doubt sustain all the worshipers and win them tons of converts, and in no way be against any of the commandments (IOKIYAFundy).

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