The Texas Republican party platform calls for outlawing oral sex and pornography. I thought Real America was finally OK with a little oral pleasure, but I stand corrected. (via fdl and atrios)
Also, too, is it just a coincidence that Rick Perry is tied with this Democratic opponent in the latest polling?
Quiddity
They are just trying to align their criminal code with the Bible. What’s wrong with that?
Sounds like some people (mistermix) don’t want us to live in a God-fearing Christian nation.
mak
I’m married, so the oral sex ban won’t affect me much, but if you want my pron, you’ll have to take it from my warm, lubricated dead hands.
ProudCynic
…I could swear one of conservatism’s big selling points was that it didn’t interfere in people’s lives. I guess by ‘people’ they mean ‘multi-billion dollar corporations.’
Thomas
Where do these prudes get off, seriously? Good luck with that porn ban by the way. Hardcore porn is banned in Oklahoma but statistics show Oklahoma is one of the countries largest porn consumers in spite of that.
balconesfault
@ProudCynic:
No – they also mean landowners right to kill whatever endangered species might walk, crawl, or fly onto their property, and to pump as much water from the ground as they want without any government authority limiting them.
Ben Richards
Go Bill White!
Linda Featheringill
Go Texas Republicans!
That would be grand. But only if there is a lot of advertising or some other publicity to make sure that it gets out into the public. “We have Problem A, Problem B, etc., but the Reps cannot address these issues. They are too worried about the possibility that somebody somewhere might get a blow job.”
I can see it now. Whenever concerned citizens meet to try to find solutions to just about anything, somebody should be there with suggestions plus complaints about how useless the Republicans have become.
Love it.
fucen tarmal
if an anti-sodomy law doesn’t bring about a “throw the bums out” movement, this country isn’t worth saving.
seriously, does this mean aTm university has to change its logo?
we shall orally come one day
toujoursdan
But the Bible doesn’t really ban oral sex or porn. The Sin of Onan had to do with property rights and anyone who isn’t aroused after reading the Song of Solomon needs to get on anti-depressants (or off them.)
Karen S.
Such busybodies! The platform also calls for criminalizing same sex marriage: From a Huffington Post story headlined —
“Texas GOP Platform Advocates Criminalizing Gay Marriage, Banning Strip Clubs, Pornography”
“Texas Republicans recently unveiled a policy platform that includes a statement of support for legislation that would make it a felony to issue a marriage license to same-sex couples as well as for an official to perform a marriage ceremony for gay partners wishing to wed. The 25-page proposal debut… ”
My wife and I are driving from Chicago to New Mexico in August. She is adamantly against driving through Texas now. I can’t say that I disagree with her.
Flitterbic
I agree with Texans – they should secede. I would also support fully a Manhattan project of sorts to figure out how to carve out the state and move it to the middle of the Pacific.
Party of individual freedom!!!*
*Approved freedoms only
c u n d gulag
Banning strip clubs could turn Bubba into a Democrat. And NO porn, or BJ’s? WTF?
Let the Republicans have their “Southern Strategy.” I say we start a “Striptease Strategy,” to appeal to the male Bubba voters.
Our motto could be “A strip joint in every strip mall, and a Playboy in every john.”
Why are we fighting their Taliban over there, and not ours, over here?
Americanadian
You can regulate fellatio when you pry it from my significant other’s cold, dead lips.
Lee
As a Texas voter, it really looks like Bill White might pull this one off. It really helps that at this point the ONLY people that support Gov. Good Hair are his corporate masters and a few of the crazies (some of the crazies have abandoned him for not being wing-nutty enough).
There have been some shenanigans with getting the Green Party on the ballot to help split the liberal vote (the funding for the Green Party came straight from a big Republican supporter). I sort of hoped the the Green Party would pull a big F.U. to the Republicans and support Bill White, but getting on the ballot in Texas is quite difficult for a third party so there is no way that is going to happen.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Even though Texas’ anti-sodomy laws gave us a Supreme Court thumbs up* on sodomy, the TexGOP wants a do-over.
That’s common sense conservatism, you betcha!
*Or bottoms. Whatever.
steviez314
As Charlton Heston once famously said,
“You can have my penis when you pry it from her cold, dead mouth.”
Or something like that.
Lee
Update on Green Party:
Judge disallows Green Party from ballot
Paul_D
As Lewis Black once said; “The only people who get upset about blowjobs are the ones who never had one”.
Bulworth
GOP: Less government my ass.
El Cid
Republicans are just trying to ban what they keep getting caught doing. They’re just afraid of their own toe-tapping, College Republican, public bathroom, text messaging to interns, paying off spouses of affairs, Appalachian trail impulses.
MattF
Just close your eyes and think of Texas.
ET
Why do they bother with shit like this? Seriously. I assume some of this is all about going after teh gays and they want voters to understand that they serious about legislating morality, but this is a complete waste of time.
Kirk Spencer
I actually went and read the whole platform. What’s mentioned is only a taste of the 25 pages. We get such things as:
Basically, pick the hardest right-wing line and you’ll find it. I didn’t quote the lines about getting out of the UN, or all the abortion rulings, or…
Sorry, there is one missing item. No “get back on the gold standard”. Just all the rest of the balanced budget stuff.
eeewwfactor
Interestingly, it also bans anal sex.
I can’t find the link right now, but I read a great op-ed recently talking about how the media won’t even touch the notion that heteros are choosing option ‘B’.
But kids especially are giving it a try, since they seem to think they are still virgins if they don’t do missionary. And there are serious risks for that, namely increased risk of STDs. Not that that justifies a ban. Just a willingness to be a bit more open about what kids (and adults) are really getting up to.
Anyhoo, there is plenty of evidence that hetero couples have made love in that wierdest of places: “that would be the butt, Bob.”
So, the GOP wants to take away more of people’s pleasures.
fucen tarmal
@Kirk Spencer:
wow that america speaks out website really works…should have put one up about spaghetti on wednesdays, and a milk and cookies break.
arguingwithsignposts
@Kirk Spencer:
That’s a teabagger’s wet dream, there.
Wait, they can’t *get* a teabagging under their platform! Doh!
p.s. – thanks for reading so we don’t have to.
Bulworth
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that this is no doubt a rather recent addition to the GOP platform. As more potential challenges to any Democratic Party official’s allegiances, religion, birthplace, associations, and thoughts become available they will be incorporated into the GOP platform’s pillars of “truth”.
Sentient Puddle
Me, I’m wondering how they expect to get around Lawrence v. Texas on this one. Without a federal constitutional amendment, they’re kind of stuck.
Ash Can
I feel sorry for all the sane Texans. (I know they’re there; Texas produced Molly Ivins and once had Ann Richards as its governor.)
Will
What no modesty patrols ?
I’m disappointed
Rosalita
No wonder they are all so uptight, they must never get any
Zifnab
Nobody likes that fucker Rick Perry. If he didn’t have an (R) in front of his name, he’d be lucky to get a single vote. People were holding out for Kay Bailey to sweep in and bail the party out, but she did an admirable job of killing voter enthusiasm for the centrists.
Hutchinson isn’t the same breed of sellout as Perry, so the machine came out for Governor Goodhair and that was that.
jetan
Only two things come from Texas…..
Observer
We’re, uh, pulling for Bill White…
R-Jud
@Thomas:
My guess would be nowhere.
Observer
@R-Jud: Sure they do, like all good prudes they go to other states and countries to put on their double-layered diving suits with built-in accessories…
Kirk Spencer
Nehemiah Scudder, paging Nehemiah Scudder. Your party is waiting for you under the lone star flag.
Rey
@ #12 c u n d gulag
Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Sirkowski
I’m a bit disappointed they did not propose any legislation on making masturbation a crime against the unborn.
kindness
So…..they want to outlaw oral sex (well at least they are inclusive of both males & females there even if they are wacked) but they’ll defend to the death neighboring Senator Vitter making a mess in his diapers and paying prostitutes to clean him up and ‘punish’ him over it.
Excuse me, but who exactly is unclear on concept here? i know it’s undignified to discuss such things as Republican’s fetishes publicly but I do think it needs to be actual spoken aloud if for no other reason than to show that progressives and Democrats aren’t raging hypocrites. And as much as some of the usual Village Idiots would get the vapors of such indecent subject matter, voting Americans would become even more informed and maybe even vote for the Democrat in various elections out there.
Just sayin’.
PTirebiter
Bill White is definitely gaining momentum down here. Yesterday, we got a fundraising email from Bill Clinton.
I have no idea if the Big Dog does this for everyone, but it got my attention. If anyone wants to help: The head you save may be your own.
Corner Stone
@Thomas:
auto asphyxia in their closet while flipping left handed through an Abercrombie & Fitch magazine.
Corner Stone
@Americanadian: I hate it when I show up too late to a thread.
nitpicker
A friend of mine in Pensacola used to always say that Republicans know how to run an election down there: Just scream that liberals are going to take away your guns. He said Democrats would win every election if they would run a similar campaign about how prudish Republicans want to take away your porn.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@Kirk Spencer: It would be a shame if more states adopted this platform until the RNC was forced to adopt it, also2.
Really. A tragedy it would be.
As the kids would say: LOLWHUT?
Update: I’d appreciate it if someone could explain how porn is more dangerous than guns.
Patriot 3
I wonder if Tom Delay will step up and stand on the Tejas GOP platform.
http://wonkette.com/184233/tom-delay-shaved-beaver-together-at-last
Bill Murray
So they lost Lawrence vs. Texas on the issue of sodomy in 2003 but are back to try again. Of course, Lawrence will probably be overturned since 3 of the 6 that ruled that intimate sexual conduct between consenting adults was part of liberty under the 14th Amendment are gone and 2 replaced by right wing apparatchiks
PTirebiter
@Ash Can:
I believe the 3,528,633 of us who voted for the left-handed Muslim of color should, at least, get the benefit of the doubt.
And I sincerely appreciate your being open to the idea that we might exist.
robertdsc
LOL.
anna missed
I think they do this because by making it illegal makes it more illicit. And therefore more exciting. Seeing how otherwise a blow job is just a blow job, unless it’s also something they think they can get away with due to their special privilege and power. I’m actually surprised they haven’t outlawed wearing two wetsuits at the same time.
jrosen
From the story:
“The 25-page proposal, presented last week as a guide for the state GOP over the next two years, includes other measures including outlawing “sexually oriented businesses” like strip clubs and banning “all pornography.” ”
I am reminded of H L Mencken’s definition of a puritan (paraphrase): A person who can’r sleep at night because of dread that somewhere, sometime, someone is happy.”
I’m surprised that the platform doesn’t (or does it?) recommend the stocks for offenders, the poorhouse for debtors, and the stake for doubters. When will these guys finally secede and leave the rest of us alone? …After a population exchange of course, where we get their intelligent, generously-spirited, and thoughtful people and they get our racists, homophobes, haters and bigots. We get the Space Center and they get Creation Park. Then in 20 years they will be (re)annexed by Mexico. Hasta la vista, baby!
Mark S.
That’s what you want to base the nation’s foreign policy on? God, these people are too stupid for words.
asiangrrlMN
@eeewwfactor: Ahem. Via Dan Savage, I give to you: Saddlebacking.
I agree that the Dems in Texas should be pounding away at this issue. I mean, the Republicans have shot their wad by going all-in with the Taliban ban against pr0n and BJs. Wait a minute…BJ, Balloon Juice, omigod! It’s a plot against Cole! At any rate, red states have a higher consumption of pr0n than do blue states, so this should be the money-shot issue for Dems.
Kered (formerly Derek)
@asiangrrlMN:
Zoom, zoom, zoom!
Phoenician in a time of Romans
Oral sex can be defended as a matter of religious freedom.
I don’t complain when the fundies kneel to worship at their altars; why should they get a say in me kneeling at mine?
Mike Kay (Team America)
Notice how Perry’s putrid poll numbers receive little national attention — but if Gov Goodhair was a Democrat, the press would be killing trees left and right to trumpt the emerging teabagger majority and failure of the kenyan dictator.
Liberal media – Heh!