Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

This really is a full service blog.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

People are complicated. Love is not.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

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Reader Interactions

76Comments

  2. 2.

    thejoz

    Seriously, how the hell do all your animals keep getting away from you with seemingly little trouble?

  7. 7.

    Punchy

    From the title, I was praying for pictures of Keira Knightely.

    She’ll come home after she’s been sprayed by a skunk and is thirsty.

  9. 9.

    General Stuck

    @John Cole:

    I hate it when Charlie gets loose. The good news is if it’s close by he finds his way back home now. That doesn’t mean I don’t fall apart from worry. Glad you found her.

  10. 10.

    John Cole

    @thejoz: I opened the car door to get a checkbook out of the backseat, as I was shutting it she jumped between the door, I opened it to make sure she was ok and she shot off like a god damned bullet.

  12. 12.

    matoko_chan

    ok….i was raised in a jack russell pack (my mom breeds them) and you need to know a few things.
    1. the most common cause of jack russell death is vehicular homicide. it is impossible to call them off a scent trail. at the field trials the go-to-ground dogs have to be located with a metal detector and dug up.
    2. the second most common cause of jack death is picking a fight with a relly BIG dog. they have no concept of their size.
    3. they can climb fences and trees and burrow like a tremors-worm. the only fence that works is an electric fence with a shock collar.
    4. they will eat anything that can fit in their mouth, even if they throw it up later. i have seen jacks swallow whole birds, mice, and rodents….without chewing.

    These are things jacks have been bred to do for hundreds of years.
    you can’t fight biology.

  13. 13.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Did Rosie roll in the rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels?? Will she have a bath? Will there be pictures?

    Seriously, John, I’m glad she’s back and okay. You must be relieved at least that you had everyone chipped.

  14. 14.

    Sarah in Brooklyn

    Aw, Rosie. I’m sure she’s very sorry she upset you. Well, maybe not so much.

  15. 15.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @John Cole:

    I’m seriously sick of her shit.

    Yeah, yeah, right. Maybe this begins to explain why nobody answered your “Found Dog” notices.

  18. 18.

    PanAmerican

    The ah… top cap oil well thing has stopped the flow. Now checking for leaks and hoping it holds.

  19. 19.

    eemom

    so which is worse — running off or rolling in dead shit?

    Doggies do have some nasty habits. But they’re still good doggies.

  20. 20.

    JGabriel

    thejoz:

    Seriously, how the hell do all your animals keep getting away from you with seemingly little trouble?

    John Cole’s Home: The Club Fed of Critter Prison(tm).

    .

  21. 21.

    QuaintIrene

    opened it to make sure she was ok and she shot off like a god damned bullet.

    Sharper than a serpent’s tooth is an ungrateful child (or in her case-a rescued stray.)

  22. 22.

    Jeff

    Was she giving you a sh*t-eating grin the whole time– like my corgi-spaniel (or maybe JRT) mix. It is a huge f**king game to them.

  23. 23.

    trollhattan

    @John Cole:

    BTDTTT (been there…done that…thought that).

    Our first Dal would multiply our fury tenfold after escaping by racing past us with a cat-shit eating grin on his mug as he went on to either empty the next available pet food dish or taunt the next neighbor dog. I think he kept a map.

    Bad! Bruno.

    OTOH perhaps Rosie is now self-concious of being “big boned” and this is part of a slimming-down program?

  24. 24.

    Captain Haddock

    Crap – my pup got away last weekend. We found him within the hour, but the memory still gives me the freak outs.

  26. 26.

    SteveinSC

    @John Cole: We have a second rescued dog, a little apple-head chihuahua, fairly old, likely to be put to sleep because she was unadoptable. When she first was here about a year and 1/2 ago she was always slipping off. We have some Aframs directly across the street, some patels next door and some orientals diagonally across the street. We are the token crackers. She slipped away so many times I started calling her “Little Miss Khyber Pass”, because she was always headed to Africa, India or China.

    With time she got the scent of the boundaries of the yard from the other dog and Little Miss Khyber Pass roams no more. Not that she wouldn’t like to visit India one more time or two.

    Patience.

  27. 27.

    cat48

    I’m afraid Rosie is one of those hobos I keep hearing about.
    They just keep moving from place to place. : )

  29. 29.

    Allison W.

    Have any of you seen this?

    http://politicalcorrection.org/blog/201007150012

    On Tuesday, the NAACP passed a resolution denouncing racist elements within the Tea Party movement. Responding to the resolution, Tea Party Express chairman Mark Williams lashed out against the civil rights group, claiming that “they make more money off of race than any slave trader ever.” Williams continued his assault last night on CNN, telling host Roland Martin, “Racists have their own movement. It’s called the NAACP.”

    Williams, however, is doing little to refute the notion that there is racism in the Tea Party movement. Last night, the proud Tea Partier wrote a blog post mocking NAACP president Benjamin Jealous. The post takes the form of a fake letter to Abraham Lincoln, in which Jealous asks the former president to repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments (and to reinstate slavery) because the “coloreds” don’t agree with the Tea Party’s version of “freedom.”

    The entire post is quoted below:

    NAACP Resolution: Colored People change minds about emancipation

    Astonishing.

    In every one of the dozens of interviews that I have done regarding the anti-Tea Party resolution passed by the NAACP I have brought up the absurdity of a group that calls blacks “Colored People” hurling charges of racism. Whats more, each interviewer has defended that phrase and expressed surprise that I would consider that phrase to be racist!

    Apparently Colored People are an entirely new race of people and one to which the title applies. Here NAACP President Precious Ben Jealous explains to President Abraham Lincoln the reasons for the resolution in this newly discovered letter :

    Dear Mr. Lincoln

    We Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

    In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

    The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.

    And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!

    The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target Colored People. That means we Colored People would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.

    Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we Colored People ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?

    Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.

    Sincerely

    Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew National Association for the Advancement of Colored People Head Colored Person

    THIS IS who Future Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin supports.

  30. 30.

    cckids

    Commiserations to you. Maybe its a sign that she is feeling truly at home; she feels free to be a PITA. Our Pom did that for YEARS, now he is too old, & has a painful back.

  31. 31.

    Anne Laurie

    Batzibelt. Buy one for Rosie. You can attach it to a rear seat belt, and clip it to the D-ring on Rosie’s collar/harness quickly. Easy in, easy out, she can sit/lie/lean over the back of your seat & breath down your neck, but she can’t escape the vehicle. No fumbling with harnesses, no temptation to “just this once” let the little fiend ride free.

    Our boy Zevon is a chronic runaway — we’re sure that’s why he ended up in rescue — and the Batzibelt is the only restraint he hasn’t been able to houdini himself out of. It was invented for a terrier (the original Batzi) and does a fine job of keeping four-legged terrorists from killing themselves & giving their people heart attacks.

  32. 32.

    Allison W.

    A Letter to Abraham Lincoln from Precious benjamin jealous:

    NAACP Resolution: Colored People change minds about emancipation

    Astonishing.

    In every one of the dozens of interviews that I have done regarding the anti-Tea Party resolution passed by the NAACP I have brought up the absurdity of a group that calls blacks “Colored People” hurling charges of racism. Whats more, each interviewer has defended that phrase and expressed surprise that I would consider that phrase to be racist!

    Apparently Colored People are an entirely new race of people and one to which the title applies. Here NAACP President Precious Ben Jealous explains to President Abraham Lincoln the reasons for the resolution in this newly discovered letter :

    Dear Mr. Lincoln

    We Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

    In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

    The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.

    And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!

    THERE’S MORE………

    http://politicalcorrection.org/blog/201007150012

    No racism here. Nope.

  33. 33.

    Allison W.

    Lawd Hav Mercy! Please read this:

    http://politicalcorrection.org/blog/201007150012

    Dear Mr. Lincoln

    We Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

    In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

    There’s more. See link.

    No racism here. Nope. Sarah Palin assured me that the Tea Party isn’t racist.

  34. 34.

    TomG

    Our first dog Sasha (lab-chow mix) would run out the front door at any opportunity she could make. She’d be halfway down the street and stay away. We were too worried about cars hitting her to leave her be, so we always had to get in our car and drive close to her so she would get in – her weakness was a love of being in the car.

    Thank goodness our current two dogs are not nearly as bad. The big one, a giant schnauzer, doesn’t go far and usually returns shortly. Our little darling, a Lhasa Apso, never strays and we don’t even have to keep him on a line in the backyard.

  35. 35.

    Warren Terra

    Is anyone else having a problem today with something on the Balloon Juice site (a Flash ad, apparently, judging by the occasional error messages) absolutely destroying their computer’s performance? I’m talking repeated ten-second-to-two-minute pauses here. Very annoying.

    ETA: I suspect that animated Time Warner Cable ad.

  36. 36.

    beltane

    @Allison W.: Let’s be fair. In order to be racist, they’d have to be human. These creatures appear to be the product of a mating between a pig and a hyena with some congenital syphilis added to the mix.

  37. 37.

    Elisabeth

    @cckids:

    We had a Dachshund when I was growing up that got under/over/around/through the chain-link fence and went hunting whenever the mood struck her. Unfortunately, age slowed her down but she didn’t learn her lesson. One memory I will never forget is being out around midnight looking for her and hearing the squeal of the tires. I ran to the road and there she was. Mercifully, it was quick because I’d have never found a vet open at that time of night and I was in no shape to drive anyway.

  39. 39.

    Mark S.

    @Allison W.:

    Jesus Christ, that was the most racist thing I’ve ever read!

    Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we Colored People ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society? Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.

  40. 40.

    Jules

    I know the feeling.

    It used to happen to us all the time, but it would be 3 dogs not one.
    The funny thing was if one of them got out alone they would just hang in the front yard, but if it was all three they would take off into the woods and we would not see them for hours.
    Now that they are all older and lazy you can hardly even get them to make an effort to walk to the front door let alone run away.

    I would add this is why my dogs have never gotten to go on “trips” in the car. They go to the vet and that is it. I would have hated for one of them to escape in a strange area.

  42. 42.

    JGabriel

    Mark Williams, Chairman, Tea Party Express via Allison W.:

    Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we Colored People ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn?

    Oh, yeah. Gotta love that GOP minority outreach program.

    .

  45. 45.

    Tattoosydney

    @Punchy:

    From the title, I was praying for pictures of Keira Knightely. She’ll come home after she’s been sprayed by a skunk and is thirsty.

    Frankly, I can’t see Keira going for that, but whatever works for you…

  47. 47.

    matoko_chan

    ummm…i see a lot of people talking about their dog-spirience….jacks are not like other dogs.
    1. they will stare into your eyes.
    2. they have a great sense of self importance.
    3. they will take a random dump on your floor if they like….it is not about housetraining…they just don’t see the need to inconvenience themselves.
    4. they have self-esteem like royalty.
    5. (i think you know this Cole) they can NEVER be trusted around cats (even if they are raised with them) or other small furry animals. or large ones– one of my mom’s tried to go after a black bear that was draining the hummingbird feeder on our deck…..fortunately the jack couldn’t open the slider.

  48. 48.

    Violet

    Glad you found her, John. I agree with the others that this kind of behavior is why no one answered your “Found Dog” signs. Sounds like she needs to be on a harness at all times, even in the car.

    She’s a tricksy little thing, isn’t she?

  49. 49.

    TrishB

    @matoko_chan:

    fortunately the jack couldn’t open the slider.

    I think he failed the JRT IQ test. One of my schnauzers could open the slider to jump off a deck that was 8 feet high, just to get a squirrel. Who needs stairs? Or maybe the other schnauzer who just decided going through a window screen was the smarter one.

  52. 52.

    YellowJournalism

    Are you sure Rosie isn’t the female version of that dog from the old Porky Pig cartoon where he tries to get rid of the mutt in the woods exactly like the previous owner did?

  53. 53.

    Anne Laurie

    @stuckinred:

    Excitable Boy they all say

    Exactly. I re-christened him when, not 48 hours after coming to live with us, he jumped out a window, dropped six feet to gravel, and took off into a chill, drizzly November Sunday night. I spent one of the worst nights of my life dragging our other two (very unwilling) dogs around the neighborhood in the rain. Zevon crossed the state’s third-most-dangerous intersection, got picked up by a couple of college kids (“he’s so fast! If he hadn’t been willing to jump in the car, we couldn’t catch him!”), had a second dinner, and spent the night monopolizing their dog’s favorite toys…

  54. 54.

    abo gato

    John, as someone who has two JRTs, let me just say this…..get your backyard fenced ASAP…..put a pet door in the back door…..your girls will be able to go in and out whenever they please. I know you like your walks on the trail with them, but with this they will be able to get some of that juice out on their own. We never, ever, ever let our two out front without a lead….I read that you let them off leash at the trail and wondered how you ever got her back those times. As matoko_chan says, this is what they are bred to do. And they will do it, vigorously, until the day they are no more and you are crying your eyes out.

    Ours will try to get out the front door when guests come over…..all of our friends are met with shouts of “don’t let the dogs out!” I guess our friends are used to it since they still come over.

    The times they do escape, they are off chasing the deer. We end up driving around the neighborhood till we see one and at least they love to jump in the car. It’s just about the only way to catch one…..hmmmm…….Rosie huh? Sounds pretty familiar.

  55. 55.

    matoko_chan

    @TrishB: oh they can open screen sliders…..great fortune that the glass slider was closed.

    ditto abo gato.
    she could go to ground and you would never find her. they will simply never come up when they have marked their target. or she could killed….i know of jacks that have lost an eye or been skunk sprayed to death.

  56. 56.

    matoko_chan

    @abo gato: he cant do a pet door becuz Tunch….but the electric fence with a shock collar is great. easy to install, worry free– it beeps when there is a break in the fenceline.
    jacks are harder, but also more rewarding.
    you should go to a terrior trial sometime, Cole…..there should be plenty around were you are.
    its not like a wussy AKC dogshow….its real.
    the dogs run heats like little thoroughbreds, starting gate boxes and all, and they chase a foxtail pulled by a rope. they wear different colored scrunchies around their necks for colors. then there is my favorite, jackpot go-to-ground. my puppy callahan won me 50 bucks when i was 10. a fortune.
    skirts and sissy stacking on tables not allowed.
    ;)

  57. 57.

    QuaintIrene

    willing to jump in the car, we couldn’t catch him!”), had a second dinner, a

    See, he knew there had to be a second sitting somewhere.

  58. 58.

    caune

    As you know JRT’s are not your average dog. I spend half my life trying to figure out how to stop Jack from doing something and he just figures out a new way to do it. His best trick is removing with his teeth huge staples that I use to staple chicken wire to 2 x 4’s to make a fence to give the birds in my backyard tree peace of mind and a half decent chance to survive.
    We have just one hard and fast rule with Jack, if he is not in the fenced back yard or indoors he is never ever off leash. I just don’t trust his adorable little self!

    and if you do decide to go to a Terrier trial…I highly recommend you take ear plugs because 50 yapping Jacks will drive ya to kill!

  59. 59.

    PurpleGirl

    @Warren Terra: I’ve had crashes for several days. It’s an interaction of a flash ad and a Flash plug-in for Firefox. At least that’s what Firefox tells me. It also tells me, when I try to fix it, that the Flash install is okay. (Apparently there’s a script that can’t run correctly and it slows the down the site loading and operating. It asks if I want to continue running the script or aborting it. Yes, it does seem to be tied to Time Warner ads. The other place this happens is Time-Warner Road Runner.) It is maddening.

  61. 61.

    Nicole

    @John Cole: Oh, I agree one hundred percent! I grew up with a mini schnauzer who would take off on all-day excursions and return at night dragging some dead thing with her. And couldn’t care less that I was red-eyed from weeping with fear she was dead, the bitch.

  63. 63.

    caune

    @matoko_chan:
    I used to race him with the other Rescue Jacks when he was younger…he always finished second because he knew that damn tail was dead, what did he need to chase that for…ah but the live dog in front of him, oh yeah, that he would chase.
    That scrum at the end was always fun when my Jack was racing!

    As he has gotten older, he’s approx 12ish now (rescue dog so who really knows) anyway, he now prefers the company of people only ;)

  65. 65.

    daize

    John, not sure if other pet owners have mentioned this, but if you are going to let the fab Tunchinator outside, please, please check with your vet about the leukemia vaccine. Feline leukemia is an incurable, fatal disease. Promise!!

    Tunch/Lily 2012!!!1!

  66. 66.

    matoko_chan

    @caune: ahh, i loved the scrum at the end….the guy running the bicycle wheel that dragged the tail would reach in gingerly with a thick glove and pull them out one at a time.
    i took callahan on a pony club hunt once in his soft carrier.
    in the old days the master would button his jack in his coat, and use him to bolt the fox after he went to ground.

  67. 67.

    caune

    @matoko_chan:

    Pick them up one at a time? Insanity, LOL
    In our case we always had three or four volunteers in gloves, or oven mitts, or armor, to snatch them up at the end before that got too tangled together and nippy!

  68. 68.

    asiangrrlMN

    Sorry, Cole, that Rosie made you run around in the sweltering heat. As someone who LOATHES the heat, I feel for ya. I’m glad you found her, though.

  69. 69.

    TrishB

    @Nicole: They get damned proud of their sun-dried frog jerky and left-by-buzzard rabbit parts, don’t they? Yes, we are going to the groomer tomorrow, why do you ask?

  70. 70.

    LiberalTarian

    Yeah, my kitty Abby has figured out he better not play to hard to get or he’ll stay outside (without food) all day. Not that I’ve ever done it, but I’ve threatened (left him outside while I put out the wet food, and of course promptly let him in).

    Dude. I’m a slave to my cats. It’s true, and … I love it.

  71. 71.

    matoko_chan

    @caune: well yah, they run into a corral of hay bales and people were supposed to get their own as much as they could…but i was a junior…umm youth exhibitor.
    the wheel man almost always got callahan for me and the other kids dogs for them.
    arms too short….you are right, its kinda like sticking your arm in a buzz saw. ;)
    i have a box of ribbons he won.
    he was good on the flat, distracted in the steeplechase, but a total star at GTG.

  74. 74.

    Irish Girl

    Cole, you can get a pet door but use the special ones that have the electronic collar devices that allow certain pets in/out and denies access to others. They’re more expensive, but will accommodate the need for the doggies to go out and Tunch to always stay in. It’d be worth it. Also, fence the yard, a good tall one. And as many others have said, never let Rosie off leash.

  75. 75.

    bookwyrm

    One of the most time-consuming activities for our family was “Find that f*cking beagle!”

    We always said that we should have named him Houdini instead of Darwin. The first time he tried to get out of the yard (and almost succeeded) was the day we adopted him. And the first time he got out late at night, he came to the front door at 4 am and howled because he wanted to come inside now.

    We speculated that he was part of a hunting pack, and when he got away the owner didn’t bother to chase him down.

    He broke our hearts one final time when he was hit by a car, in front of the house, almost four years ago now.

  76. 76.

    caune

    @matoko_chan:

    My dog went way too nuts for GTG, all snarly and stuff…I decided to try not to encourage him when it comes to rodents just so he doesn’t think they are prizes and bring dead ones into my house.

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