Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Can we lighten up on the doomsday scenarios?

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Celebrate the fucking wins.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

Polls are now a reliable indicator of what corporate Republicans want us to think.

Elections aren’t won by handwringing, cowering, and/or bashing your own candidates.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Wake up. Grow up. Get in the fight.

Everyone is in a bubble, but some bubbles model reality far better than others!

If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

I’m sure you banged some questionable people yourself. We’re allowed to grow past that.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

The new republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

So many bastards, so little time.

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158Comments

  3. 3.

    MikeJ

    Jack in the box has a thing here where you get free fries? sandwich? taco? something if the Seachickens get three sacks. Sadly, they meant that Seattle has to do the sacking, not get sacked. Which is probably better for the health of everybody in the PNW.

  6. 6.

    Yutsano

    I admit it. It’s wrong. But Vinatieri is kinda cute.

    @asiangrrlMN: The soft bigotry of low expectations? I guess it’s about all you have left with Old Man Yells At Football.

    @debit:

    Go Vikings. Try not to get hurt.

    Wifey would add a caveat: except for Favre. Preferably career ending.

  10. 10.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Yes. But, they just met my expectations, so the rest is gravy, right? And, Vinatieri is TOTALLY your type.

    Now, I’m torn. I saw Favre get hurt. I don’t want him to get REALLY hurt. I just want him not to play. But, that pass WAS purty. Sigh. It’s hard living in my head.

    And, FYWP.

    @debit: Yes. I will not even snark on Favre because it was that pretty.

    @S. cerevisiae: True dat.

  14. 14.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN:

    It’s hard living in my head.

    Truer words were never spoken.

    @Jewish Steel:

    Autobearfucking.

    HAWT!! Pics or it never happened.

    Bah. My debit card company called me TWICE this morning verifying purchases on my card. Otherwise I’d still be asleep dammit.

  17. 17.

    John Cole

    I feel dirty rooting for the Jets.

    Not expecting much tonight out of the Steelrs. The Patriots own us and we always suck the week after a MNF appearance.

  20. 20.

    asiangrrlMN

    @debit: MOTHERFUCKING FUMBLE! GAH!

    @Jewish Steel: You a Bears fan? It’s ON! ETA: I like Lovie Smith better than I do Brett Favre. Oh, the emotional conflict!

    @Yutsano: Yeah, you should know. You’ve been privy to my brain. T’aint pretty, is it?

    ETA: I just saw (not heard, as I mute commercials) an advert for Sarah Palin’s show on my teevee and instantly got pissed off. Whyfore I gotta see her on my teevee??

  22. 22.

    debit

    Cats woke me up at 5 this morning. I’m going to nap during halftime and hope they never play that commercial for Sarah fucking Palin’s bullshit show ever again. Otherwise my tv just might have to go through the window.

  24. 24.

    asiangrrlMN

    @debit: I know. What the fuck, right? I’m glancing up at the TV screen, and I see Sarah Palin’s vapid, idiotic smile, and I just want to stab something with my rusty pitchfork.

    @Jewish Steel: Well, I gotta say, the unis today are atrocious. Not that I, as a Vikes’ fan, have much room to speak about unis.

  26. 26.

    Andy K

    Dave Rayner, “…hits it clean”?

    Dammit, I can take it when the jocks don’t know how to use adverbs, but it really irks me when the play-by-play guys fuck ’em up.

  28. 28.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Relax hon. Think of Eddie Guns. That’ll calm you down some.

    BTW, couldn’t quite figure it out, so I did a Google image seach of Peyton Hillis, and then it clicked for me why he’s such teh hawt for me: he’s a dead ringer for the Dawg.

  32. 32.

    morzer

    So, has Childress opened up Favre’s playbook and shown the world what a big gun he’s got? Or is that reserved for the half-time “show”?

  33. 33.

    J sub D

    At halftime the Lions trail the 0-8 Buffalo Bills 7-3.

    The Detroit Lions – Rivaling the Chicago Cubs for sports franchise futility.

  34. 34.

    Andy K

    Man, on man. Fox has to be pissed about the second half of the doubleheader today. Giants-Cowboys, Seahacks-Cards or Rams-Niners? Sounds like a good time for a nap.

  35. 35.

    Yutsano

    @J sub D: I think the proper description for that is going out of your way to lose. I’m a Coug I know all about how that works.

    @Andy K: I agree. And I’m a Seachicken fan.

  36. 36.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: He’s not officiating the game! I wish he were. I did see the trailer for the new HP movie and gasp out loud because Snape was spelling someone (yum) and then Lupin came into view (double yum).

    And, Peyton Hillis is TOTALLY your type (which means, by extension, so is the Dawg).

    @morzer: You live! I haven’t seen you in awhile. And, if you are gonna make comments like that, I may have to make you eat pie. Seriously. I was wondering where you were. Good to see ya.

  37. 37.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Comments like that? I didn’t even mention the Grey Badger. You wrong me, madam!

    I’ve been dinged-up, so your pitchfork is hardly needed.

  41. 41.

    Yutsano

    @Andy K: Okay, she’s directly south of me. She’s in a decent part of town. Right at the 520 interchange though poor dear. Traffic ALWAYS sucks there.

  50. 50.

    morzer

    @Svensker:

    I felt better before I dropped Henne for him in fantasy football, only to see CP10 knocked out on the first series with a shoulder injury…..

  53. 53.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Dinged-up as in “got into a car-wreck”. Various bits of me are broken or bruised. Life goes on. Makes for the most interesting entry in my diary for a long time.

  55. 55.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: He could almost make a Browns fan out of me. Almost. I can only take so much football suffering in my life.

    @morzer: Ki o tsukete kudasai good sir. And if you have to go through PT, please share. Those stories are always fun.

  56. 56.

    stuckinred

    @asiangrrlMN: George Chin was the owner of the House of Chin in campus town at the Uof I. The bar was called the Bamboo Lounge and it was the center of bohemian C-U for many years. George was incredible, here’s a photo of him one 4th of July. He was famous for saying “thanking you and money talk and bullshit walk”.

  57. 57.

    debit

    AP, I love you but sometimes your hands are for shit.

    ETA: I wish my nap had been longer.

    Edit of my edit: But cats were sleeping on my head.

  58. 58.

    Jewish Steel

    @morzer:

    Sorry to hear about your wreck. Now you can do your “Through the Wire” Kanye turn?

    Which R&B diva shall we sample?

  59. 59.

    morzer

    @Jewish Steel:

    Well, at least I now know how Brad Childress feels. Almost dead man almost walking.

    I’ll have to think about my Kanye turn. Not sure I can live up to it while hopping around.

  61. 61.

    morzer

    And now Henne goes down injured.. and we end up with BMarsh as the QB.

    Yes, it is one of those days.

    And suddenly the Wildcat starts working like magic.

    Apparently 5 players have taken snaps in Dolphins-Titans – so far!

  69. 69.

    Jewish Steel

    Yikes!

    @morzer: I got T-boned back in 2000. The only details I know of were in the police report because the blow to my head wiped out any memory of the accident. I was charged w/ a dui but later cleared. I smelled like a bar because I had played a show and was woozy w/concussion. But not drunk.

  70. 70.

    morzer

    @Ash Can:

    I shall do my best, but my recovery could use a stimulus package. I tried calling Jen Sterger, but she had some other guy on the line…..

  71. 71.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    If you want entertaining stories, the Dolphins are now on their third QB, and Brandon Marshall even threw for an incomplete!

    Hearing my cries of anguish at the return of Tyler Thigpen, my wife came to see what was happening, got my report, shook her head and observed sagely: “Perhaps it is not the Dolphins’ year”.

  74. 74.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Maybe I’ll just cheer him on from a respectful distance. The resemblance though is rather remarkable. If Peyton had gray eyes it would pretty much be a cloning situation. Except for the height differential.

  76. 76.

    That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal

    I guess the Lions figure that if the Bills can win one more game this year, Detroit will win the head-to-head tiebreaker for a better draft pick. Which would be nice, since it looks like Matthew Stafford will never be healthy enough to play more than two games in a row.

    Chronic shoulder injuries can be a problem if your job is to throw things hard.

    You know, there are drives where Jay Cutler looks like a real QB.

  81. 81.

    Jewish Steel

    Fade to black, Viking’s (vikings’? vikingses’?) season.

    Too bad about the fumble, I was looking forward to gunslinger Brett trying to save the day.

  84. 84.

    asiangrrlMN

    Not a fucking fumble. Bee-yatchez. Gr. Gah. GAAAAAAAAAH!

    I hate you all (indiscriminate hate). Even though we retained the ball.

    ETA: I sharpen my pitchfork and insert it carefully into my eye–oh, wait. Challenge!

  85. 85.

    That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal

    @morzer:

    Or would that be inappropriate for a family show?

    What does that have to do with Balloon Juice?

  90. 90.

    That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal

    It’s a good thing that fumble was overturned. It gave Favre a chance to pad his Int stats.

  91. 91.

    Andy K

    @morzer:

    Here’s a question (or two) for you: Is the mascot a dolphin in a helmet? And, if so, does that helmet have just a block M on it, or does it have a picture of a dolphin wearing a helmet with a block M on it?

  94. 94.

    billgerat

    @MikeJ:

    Jack in the Box knows they won’t have to pay out. Between the injuries and the sometimes clueless play calling, Seattle will be lucky to not get blown out half as bad as the last two weeks.

  98. 98.

    That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal

    The Vikings’ fans are getting mighty surly here at Buffalo Wild Wings.

  112. 112.

    Andy K

    @stuckinred:

    Someday your Bears will have a good QB, then you’ll have time to think about things like this. Until then…Hair Club for Men- replace the follicles you pull out every time the offense is on the field.

  119. 119.

    Jewish Steel

    @stuckinred:

    If I recall, you lived in Champaign once? I lived in Urbana. Orange and Navy everybloodywhere. Not such a bad color combo. Could be worse.

  129. 129.

    J sub D

    Are there any other winless teams that want to get better by playing the Lions?

    [looks at standings]

    Nope, the Bills were the last. Like the 17-0 Dolphins, the Lions want to ensure that nobody equals their 0-16 masterpiece.

  130. 130.

    That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal

    I was just served a gimlet with olives in it. I’ve never seen that before. Is that as strange as it seems to me?

  132. 132.

    John - A Motley Moose

    That Lions loss today opened my eyes. I see things so much more clearly now that I’ve broken out of the thrall of Obamainia. For instance, I now see that the Lions poor record this season and their abysmal play today are obviously Barry’s fault. As proof, I would point out that, as anyone that watched the game could tell, the Lions were lackluster today. That lackluster attitude can be traced directly to the ineptness of the Obama administration.

    The current economic mess has had a really negative affect on already struggling urban areas, like Detroit. Due to the FACT that the One’s administration failed to take an aggressive approach to improving the outlook in such areas, the attitude in the affected areas has gone downhill. The negative attitude and despair in the general populace has obviously carried over to the players who live amongst them.

    To be fair, the inability of the administration to improve inner-city attitudes isn’t the only problem for the Lions. They have also had to deal with key injuries. However, the injuries may also be partly the fault of the Marxist/Leninist/Muslim sitting in the WH. Who can say that those injuries might not have healed faster if Obambi had pushed harder for the public option?

    One has to wonder if the WH will apologize to the Detroit fans or whether we will be left no option than to push for a primary opponent for the Black Coolidge?

  133. 133.

    morzer

    @John – A Motley Moose:

    Don’t forget the bail-outs of the swinish moochers at Ford, GM etc. They clearly had a depressing effect, in that the Lions saw that you can avoid real work and still get paid!

    PS. By real work I mean the selfless sacrifice of hours of drinking time that Jamie Dimon exemplifies.

  134. 134.

    debit

    @John – A Motley Moose: I had a similar epiphany. I blame Rahm for the loss today to the Bears. Maybe he showed up in the locker room before the game and waved his dick around, maybe he called the Vikings a bunch of fucking retards and hurt their feelings, I don’t know. I just know he’s behind it. Somehow.

  135. 135.

    Andy K

    @morzer:

    Okay, since someone has to play the role of O-bot: Ford (the family who owns the company also owns the Lions) didn’t take any bailout money. They were smarter than GM and Chrysler, in that they kicked in their share to the UAWs retiree health care plan early.

  136. 136.

    morzer

    @debit:

    Maybe he showed up in the locker room before the game and waved his dick around

    A loose.. cannon.. in the Vikes locker room? Surely not!

  150. 150.

    Yutsano

    @morzer: That is of course a stabbing instrument good sir. She would be appaled at your suggestion. Or intrigued. One never truly knows with her.

  153. 153.

    patrick II

    Devin Hester is the best return man I have ever seen. He had 147 return yards today the bears started most possessions well into Minnesota territory. He was the best player on the field.

  156. 156.

    Admiral_Komack

    Who will lose their job first:

    Brad Childress: Minnesota Vikings

    Josh McDaniels: Denver Broncos

  157. 157.

    billgerat

    @Yutsano:

    Seattle played their best ball of this season, and came out of it without any serious injuries. And thanks to the 49ers improbable win in OT, Seattle is in sole possession of the weak West. They made hash out of my earlier prediction.

    Looks like Jack will be giving out some free food tonight.

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