Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

This blog will pay for itself.

The words do not have to be perfect.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

People are complicated. Love is not.

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

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127Comments

  6. 6.

    piratedan

    I wish I could sit down and talk to them, try and talk some sense into them, but there’s no one there, not a single one left with a clue. Republican? that’s just a made up word, yes I know what you think it means, but all that’s left is this hollow shell of a party. So you just go on to your town halls and pass your unconstitutional laws and quit wasting my time.

  7. 7.

    Gozer

    Apropos of nothing in particular…

    As I type this I’m sitting on the sofa with my napping wife draped over my lap. I dare not move so as to prevent furious fussing.

  9. 9.

    BDeevDad

    More of this:

    What was supposed to be a routine vote in the House — to knock down an amendment authored by conservative Republicans — turned into pandemonium on the House floor Friday, as Democrats tried to jam the plan through, and hang it around the GOP’s necks.

  11. 11.

    Studly Pantload, Vibrant Trollbot for Obama

    I meant it when I said this last night, Cole – you need to front page this woman. She’s like, a national treasure. An’ stuff.

  12. 12.

    Martin

    I think Fox News has rope-a-doped themselves.

    They were so eager to paint anything that Obama does as a Marxist intrusion on fundamental American values that all Obama needed to do is keep staking out reasonable positions and Fox had no choice but to denounce it and demand something completely insane in order to keep their 28%ers on board. And once they started doing it, Republicans had to start going on the record as being fully behind these insane positions. Obama and DWS’s DNC is going to hang this shit around the GOPs necks like a lead anchor by next year with no elections in the interim to tell the GOP that they’re off course. If the current trajectory holds in any way, Dems are going to run the field next year.

  13. 13.

    Bootlegger

    I’m watching The Holy Grail with my 8 and 9 year old boys and they are rolling on the floor laughing at the slapstick. I had forgotten that this is what I first found funny about the movie before I was able to understand all the irony. I’m diggin’ this bonding moment with my boys!

  21. 21.

    Roger Moore

    @cathyx:
    That’s the whole point! Why be just childish when you can be childish and rude? Skipping a chance to be obnoxious would go counter to the Balloon-Juice ethos.

  22. 22.

    4jkb4ia

    19 comments in and no one mentioned there was a Penguins game.

    (I can get the first period of the Rangers game in before Shabbos)

  24. 24.

    piratedan

    @Martin: next up on Fox, The President has come out in favor of clean air and a living wage and here’s Megan Kelly to tell you why this is a Marxist plot to deny you your right to free speech as well as an attack on American democracy and the capitalistic means to our collective existence.

  25. 25.

    gnomedad

    @piratedan:

    an attack on American democracy and the capitalistic means to our collective ruggedly individualistic existence.

    Doubleplusungood; refers unconcept.

  29. 29.

    joes527

    @Corner Stone: Oh great. That is literally the same as shooting John with a RPG.

    I hope you are happy with the way you have destroyed this country.

  31. 31.

    kdaug

    @Roger Moore:

    Skipping a chance to be obnoxious would go counter to the Balloon-Juice ethos.

    Interesting point. Srsly. We do have an ethos here. How would you define it?

  37. 37.

    Uloborus

    @Martin:
    I hope so. The 2010 election DID teach me the power of election patterning, alas. Of course, election patterning will be in our favor in 2012, and it looks like we’re in for a double helping of the gibbering lunacy that cost the Rs the senate.

  38. 38.

    Nellcote

    Tweety is this )( close to calling birthers racists. It’s amusing to see him talk all around it to make his point without actually using the word.

  41. 41.

    Bootlegger

    @Martin: I’ll buy that O is adept enough to not do what the Reps are hoping the Dems will do, which is to attack the Reps with non-stop hysteria who will then cry about how they’re all Serious and all they get for their Seriousness is mean people saying mean things. This is their Plan and the Dems have to spin it right or they will blow it yet again.

  46. 46.

    ppcli

    @Bootlegger: Don’t forget to fast-forward through the scene with sir Galahad in the castle of virgins.

    My sister and I saw that movie when we were teenagers and it had just come out. Over 30 years later we still have the running personal joke “I’m getting better” – “You’re not fooling anyone, you know!”

    It wasn’t until I was at university that I understood the true genius of Dennis the anarcho-syndicalist.

  48. 48.

    Nellcote

    Circumcision record is an acceptable substitute for a birth cert in the new Arizona law. WTF?

  49. 49.

    freelancer

    Fuck you John Cole!

    Did I miss something? Should I go to the previous post?

    That’s BalloonJuice-ese for “First!”

    And another short-lived meme is born…

  50. 50.

    Roger Moore

    @kdaug:

    We do have an ethos here. How would you define it?

    We’re part of the reality based community, and we respond to people who aren’t with vicious snark. In other words, we’re “a refuge for a snarling mass of vitriolic vicious jackals”.

  52. 52.

    joes527

    @Nellcote:

    Circumcision record is an acceptable substitute for a birth cert in the new Arizona law. WTF?

    Yeah … but they are gonna have to see the evidence to corroborate it.

  55. 55.

    gnomedad

    @Martin:

    I think Fox News has rope-a-doped themselves.
    They were so eager to paint anything that Obama does as a Marxist intrusion on fundamental American values that all Obama needed to do is keep staking out reasonable positions and Fox had no choice but to denounce it and demand something completely insane in order to keep their 28%ers on board.

    Hey, another rope metaphor! I was just thinking that the prez and Nancy believe in keeping their opponents well-supplied with it. Hope they remember to yank at the right moment.

  56. 56.

    Cheryl from Maryland

    Go Caps! And for Sunday, is anyone else excited about The Game of Thrones?

  58. 58.

    gnomedad

    @Nellcote:

    Circumcision record is an acceptable substitute for a birth cert in the new Arizona law. WTF?

    Next up: “Where’s the foreskin?”

  59. 59.

    kdaug

    @Roger Moore:

    “a refuge for a snarling mass of vitriolic vicious jackals”

    Yeah, I heard that somewhere before.

    So be it. And let it be done.

    “So say we all”

    (ETA: I’m guessing that on this series-of-tubes thing, nothing ever goes away, right?)

  60. 60.

    Uloborus

    @kdaug:
    I’m more or less with Roger Moore. We’re very politically interested, we’re generally liberal and concerned with actual facts and anti-ideologue, and many of us (not me) enjoy a screaming insult fight.

    Also, we apparently like puppies and pictures of food. I’m not part of those camps either. It’s an eclectic community of rugged individualists who bow to no one except our Supreme Dark Master. And when we don’t, that’s because he’s manipulating us in a game of 11-dimensional chess.

  62. 62.

    Anoniminous

    @Nellcote:

    I take it you’ve never been to Arizona.

    Take San Francisco. Rotate 180 degrees. Now rotate 37.6 degrees from Sanity.

    And you’ve got it.

  63. 63.

    Corner Stone

    @arguingwithsignposts: WV is a little far for me for no other reason than to lock eyeballs on the big melon. But I believe you have a reason to love the greatest state in the union aka TX?
    C’mon man! Lunch and/or strippers! Let’s do this!

  65. 65.

    Uloborus

    @Uloborus:
    I’m sorry, I didn’t express that in line with the Balloon Juice Ethos. ‘We’re the reality based community, you ignorant racist fuck.’

    @Roger Moore:
    TUNCH IS OBAMA. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

  73. 73.

    kdaug

    @Roger Moore:

    And I will find something you wrote on a drunken night.

    Oh, yes. I will.

    And it shall be my tagline forevermore.

    More than one knows how to play the archives game.

  77. 77.

    Roger Moore

    @kdaug:

    And I will find something you wrote on a drunken night.

    Knock yourself out, dude. I’ve been posting on the intertrons since the early 90s, so there should be plenty of material to look through.

  82. 82.

    Southern Beale

    @gnomedad:

    Circumcision record is an acceptable substitute for a birth cert in the new Arizona law. WTF?

    Or baptismal record. So in other words, male Christians need only apply. Unless you have that long form thingy which can anyone in AZ even explain what it IS? Because here in Tennessee the sponsor of our own birther bill is an idiot named Mae Beavers and when someone asked her what a long-form birth certificate is, hilarity ensued:

    RC: What are the specific requirements in the bill?
    __
    MB: That they have to have the long form birth certificate.
    __
    RC: What is the long form birth certificate?
    __
    MB: Now, you’re asking me to get into a lot of things that I haven’t really looked into yet.

    I think we need a new rule: you have to understand something before you try to pass legislation about it. Like that idiot in Texas who said he heard on the radio about Sharia Law and decided he had to do something about it.

  86. 86.

    Cheryl from Maryland

    @freelancer: Okay, it is based on a series of fantasy novels by George R.R. Martin (alas not yet finished– George, pick it up). The novels have SEX, violence, death, politics based on the 15th C English War of the Roses scramble for the throne, ZOMBIES, SEX, violence, death, SEX. The cast includes Lena Headley (her character in the books has lots of sex), Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Sean Bean, Peter Dinklage (very prominent role — Peter should shine), and more. And did I mention ZOMBIES?

  87. 87.

    Gozer

    @Suffern ACE: There was a pillow on which I was resting the laptop. Wifey has sadly grown uncomfortable. I am apparently not a soft enough body pillow.

  91. 91.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Southern Beale: O/T but I’m going to be in Nashville next Thursday and would be open to a meetup/drink that evening. Let me know if you’re interested and that time is convenient.

    ETA: obvs includes anyone else in Nashville area.

  92. 92.

    Roger Moore

    @kdaug:
    My first box had so little RAM that you could save your work by writing it all down longhand. That’s literally true, BTW; it was a TRS-80 CoCo 1 with 4K of RAM, so you could fit the whole memory on a few sheets of paper. I didn’t get on the net until I was in college, though.

  96. 96.

    MikeJ

    @Roger Moore: 4k? Pure luxury!

    And I was on the internet when you had to return a signed statement swearing you wouldn’t use it for commercial purposes.

  97. 97.

    lllphd

    hm. well, walker’s plan to declare financial emergencies and dismantle elected local governments is now in action.

    sure hope the aclu takes this one on. anyone here ever run across quite so blatant an undemocratic piece of legislation?

    oh yeah; jim crow. that was worse.

  98. 98.

    TooManyPaulWs

    1) The Lightning are winning vs. the Pens tonight, so it’s 1-1 heading to Tampa for the next set of playoff hockey games.

    2) Would it be okay to shamelessly plug a CafePress page?

    3) Give me a reason to laugh.

  101. 101.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Southern Beale. When you know pls shoot me an email at judith (dot) Costello (at) International (dot) gc (dot) ca.

    Hope we can make it work.

  103. 103.

    eemom

    @Corner Stone:

    SPnT is Morzer.

    You only know that because toko-loko and I figured it out for you.

    Srsly, stick to finding Nicks under the bed and in the closet. It’s what you do.

  105. 105.

    dogwood

    Here’s how the birther legislation will play out. State passes mysterious “long form” requirement. POTUS sends a copy of the same COLB that’s been flashed around for years. Full faith and credit forces states to accept it, and they’ll say, “Well why wouldn’t he just release it to begin with.

  106. 106.

    Corner Stone

    @eemom: You’re just jealous because no one wants to rattle your old bones like SPnT.
    Just sit back and wait your turn you old goat sack.

  108. 108.

    opie jeanne

    @ppcli: For a year I lay in bed, sickened and weakened by the drugs for Hepatitis C (which cured me, but I was sick several days each week). On bad days I couldn’t eat at all and went to bed at 6 pm. I couldn’t drive most days. I mean, I was sick.

    People would stand outside the bedroom, talking about how I was doing, and I would croak those lines from MP’s Holy Grail: I’m not dead yet. I’m getting better.

    It always got a laugh.

  109. 109.

    dogwood

    The Arizona circumcision law proves that the birthers aren’t racists. They just want to see his pee pee. Oops, maybe they’re just a wee wee bit racist. Anyway, I just don’t understand why people can’t ask nicely anymore.

  114. 114.

    burnspbesq

    It’s been at least a month since anyone around here was called a cudlip. Anyone else having withdrawal symptoms?

  117. 117.

    Studly Pantload, Vibrant Trollbot for Obama

    @burnspbesq:

    A week and a half at the outside, but then maybe you have a life which permits you the odd few moments away from this joint…

  118. 118.

    Dennis SGMM

    This is disgusting:

    One year ago this month, the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig exploded 50 miles off the coast of Louisiana. This week we learned that the company’s CEO, Steven Newman, and other executives of Transocean, the owner and operator of the rig, were not only awarded raises, but also millions of dollars in bonuses for 2010 after “the best year in safety performance in our company’s history,” according to the company’s annual report and proxy statement.

    What a wonderful world: kill eleven people, create an ecological disaster, and a year later get a raise and a bonus.

  120. 120.

    burnspbesq

    @Dennis SGMM:

    Well, it depends on what metric you look at. If all you care about is the number of incidents, and you only had one incident, that’s a good year, even if you had the mother of all incidents.

    Also worth noting: Transocean shareholders are being asked to vote on a resolution authorizing the payment of a billion dollars in dividends. The annual meeting is on April 26 in some little town I’ve never heard of in Switzerland.

    I downloaded Transocean’s K. I’m curious about its worldwide effective tax rate. I’m guessing it’s a single-digit number.

  121. 121.

    Dennis SGMM

    @burnspbesq:
    Good point. This is one of those instances that makes me feel my age. Things never have been perfect but rewarding people who weren’t exactly starving in the first place after they oversaw a disaster just seems wrong to me.

  123. 123.

    Dennis SGMM

    @Steeplejack:
    Lamentably, that might in some way infer that Transocean may feel some slight remorse about what happened. In this brave new America, if you’re high enough on the food chain then you never feel remorse and the the greater your fuckup the greater your rewards.

  124. 124.

    Yutsano

    @Steeplejack: I still say you’re insulting teh awesomeness that is Edward. Plus I doubt matoko-chan could handle the genius that is Einie.

  125. 125.

    Steeplejack

    @Yutsano:

    Not saying M_C/HGW is as awesome as Edward. But she’s like our Balloon Juice “Mini Me” version of Edward.

  126. 126.

    Wingcmdr

    Wow, what a blog. I discovered this place after reading Paul Krugman’s column. Then I saw the first post in this thread. What a doozy that was, but hilarious nonetheless.

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