Last night’s was the first Republican debate that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy. Everything they say in all the debates is crap, but the stuff about “turning off the magnets” (tuition breaks for children of illegal immigrants, etc.) just turns my stomach because it’s so stupid. People enter the country illegally to find work. End of story. Everyone knows this. If they want to “turn off the magnets”, they need to get their job-creating friends in business to stop hiring illegal immigrants.
But mistermix is right that this will alienate Latino voters, no matter how inwardly Burkean Latino culture might really be. There sure don’t seem to be a lot of Republicans strategists in border states who think Cain should have gone electric.
What a bizarre time politically! With the economy this bad, all Republicans need to do is put up some reasonably competent business-friendly guy the Village will happily blow and they probably win. Instead they spend most of their time attacking a fast-growing demographic group.
And they say liberals are bad at politics.
Update. Off topic, but I can’t stop thinking about this. Do you think Cain should have a 999 song? Something like the Five Dollar Footlong song but more patriotic (whoever of you said that he only went with 999 because Five Dollar Footlong was taken is a genius).
I’m dead serious about this. Maybe that’s the Sodastream talking, I don’t know.
Xenos
It is not about politics any more. It is about the grift.
Chris
Well shit, I thought the big Magnet for immigrants was that we were Teh Bestest Country EVAR. Isn’t that right? It’s certainly what people say when talking my ear off about American exceptionalism.
How would ending welfare subsidies to illegal immigrants help? According to the right, that would only make us MORE awesome, which in turn would only make them want us more.
FUCKING LOGIC! HOW DOES IT WORK?
The Snarxist Formerly Known As Kryptik
And they still might win anyway because the guys they have in office now are such fucking stonewalls that they refuse to consider anything that will actually improve the economy, out of bloodless, heartless opportunism and strategy, and the media continues to decide that this somehow proves the intractable partisanship of Obama and Democrats.
EDIT: Oh yeah, and I forgot, them also getting away with massive state-level voter disenfranchisement because ACOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRN!!!!!!
Brian S
Liberals are okay at governing, but we’re not all that good at politics, or at winning elections. This should be obvious by the dearth of liberals in positions of power. What’s sad is that we can’t seem to guarantee wins against this level of stupidity.
The Snarxist Formerly Known As Kryptik
If only they could make a Cola syrup that tasted like something other than RC or Jolt. Love my Sodastream, but the Cola formula is ass.
Chris
@Brian S:
Right.
We’re good at governing, but we can’t win elections for shit. The other side’s good at winning elections but can’t govern for shit.
Although how much of that is the parties and how much is just the average voter being him/herself, I don’t know: I continue to think my “Americans want to elect Republicans and get Democratic results” summarization was pretty accurate.
handy
I think if Cain needs a theme song he should stick to his roots and go with a classic Negro spiritual like “The Impossible Dream” (h/t Tintin of the Sadlys)
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
you mean something like this?
nine nine nine, the song or at least the melody
Johnny Coelacanth
The primary votin’ true believers value ideology over elect-ability, which is why Rick Perry slipped so badly after daring to say it was heartless to punish the children of illegal immigrants by denying them an education. They don’t want a politician, they want a walking incarnation of conservative principles (whatever those are), because zombie Reagan is getting a little shabby.
AT
I got 999 problems but a tax plan ain’t one!
Hit me!
Dougerhead
@AT:
If you’ve got tax problems, I feel sorry for you son.
MikeJ
@Brian S: Yeah, other than the presidency, a majority in the senate, and 40% of the house the dems don’t have anything.
The Dangerman
Cain’s 15 minutes are about up; no reason to waste any energy on a song. 999 sounds great until you look under the hood, kinda like finding a 934 parked in your driveway, only to pop the hood and see the valves are blown (too bad FIAT doesn’t have a car model starting with the number 9; it would be far more realistic a scenario).
So, you’re saying it’s Romney (practically by default at this point). I don’t see him “probably winning” though. When push comes to shove, the Republicans are going to take most of the blame for this fucked up mess; are they really going to only run on only tax cuts and cutting off women’s health care?
THE
Magnets?
How about Superconducting Magnetic Levitation.
Very amazing video.
JGabriel
@Brian S:
AKA “I Can’t Believe I’m Losing To This Guy” Syndrome.
(That’s the transcript. There’s a video at Hulu, but I won’t link there because Murdoch is one of the owners.)
.
ChristianPinko
Well, here, try this.
JGabriel
DougJ:
999 TaxBalloons?
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General Stuck
Not sure what you are saying. But most GOP voting latinos in these parts, are the devout catholic kind, and have a conservative worldview on social wedge issues, especially on abortion. I don’t know what the failsafe point is for them to favor voting against the xenophobe wingnuts of the GOP tea tard wing, versus following their religious convictions.
But most polling shows the goopers have lost some votes from Hispanics overall. And every time one of the right wing candidates tries to out hate the others on draconian measures to deal with the illegal workers, 99 percent of which like you say, simply want to work and feed their families, I suspect usual GOP voting latinos are cringing inside, from righteous anger, and are thinking twice about how they will vote this time.
Karl Rove has said, and I believe him, at least on this, that the GOP must get 40 percent of the Hispanic vote to win a POTUS election. Last poll I saw, I believe it was right around 30 percent.
The Dangerman
Just looked up FIAT and they are producing a model called the Doblo. Truth in advertising for the Fix It Again Tony gang.
David Koch
I loved when Bachmann promised to make English the official language it received wild applause. Most of the people there, including Bachmann, can’t even speak English.
JGabriel
@ChristianPinko: Damn. That’s the winner.
.
Brian S
@MikeJ: I said liberals, not Dems. Unless you consider Blue Dogs to be liberals that is.
Sorry–autocorrect got me there.
srv
Has anyone pointed out yet what happens if you turn 999 upside down?
*Jesus on a pogo stick – I was kidding, but Bachmann beat me to it
Hill Dweller
@MikeJ: The Dems certainly aren’t blameless, but the criminally under-reported story of the last few years is the Republicans turning the Senate into a minority rules legislative body. There is literally no modern precedent for what Senate Republicans have done since losing the majority in ’07, but they’ve paid no political price whatsoever. Hell, the beltway stooges are out there now criticizing Obama for being partisan. Up is down.
Brandon
They attack Latinos for two reasons. The first is the obvious young bucks with t-bones factor. The second is that perhaps aside from Nevada and New Mexico, Latinos do not represent a voting block that could jeopardize electoral votes. They are mostly in solidly blue, see California, Illinois and New York, or particularly don’t represent a large enough voting block (yet) in Red states to make a difference, see Texas and Florida.
gocart mozart
Way ahead of you dude.
MC CRAZY BREAD
Hit me
Going going gone
Now I proposed 999 a long time ago
Don’t you see how now they’re reactin’
They only come and they come when I poll well
I’ll get the right sound bite to sell well
I don’t care ’cause I stay paid anyway
I’ll teach ya like an ace that can’t be betrayed
I know I stumble with no use people
If your life is on the line, don’t care if you’re dead today
I’ma late coming man with the late coming plan you betcha
It’s a body bag in disguise y’all betcha
I call it body snatchers quick they come to fetch ya?
With a bankruptcy suit just to dissect ya
We are the kings ’cause we swing amputation
Lose your arms, your legs to us it’s the enterprise system
I can prove it to you just watch the juxtaposition
It all adds up to a funky situation
So get up get, get get down
999 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get, get, get down
Late 999 wears the late crown
999 is a joke
Everyone knows the math don’t never come correct
You can ask my man right here with the pocket protect
He’s a witness to the job never bein’ done
He would’ve been in full in 999 and some
Was a joke ’cause we always jokin’
I’m the token to your life when it’s croakin’
You’ll need to be in a pawn shop on a
999 is a joke but we want ‘em
If I have my way the poverty will come quicker
The bankers huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that ’cause they
Flick you off like fleas
They be laughin’ at ya while you’re crawlin’ on your knees
And to the strength so go the length
Thinkin’ you are first when you really are tenth
I hope you don’t wake up and smell the real flavor
Cause 999 is a fake life saver
So get up, get, get get down
999 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get, get, get down
Late 911 wears the late crown
Ow, ow 999 is a joke
sdstarr
F***ing margaritas, how do they work?
JGabriel
Brandon:
Latinos make a difference in Texas. Why else would Perry have approved legislation to appeal to them, and, consequently, get in trouble with the GOP base over it?
Latinos matter in FL, too, but it’s an entirely different dynamic. Where Latinos in the rest of the country lean Democratic due to labor, immigration, and GOP bigotry, Latinos in FL are Cuban, very anti-Castro, and a majority are pretty right-wing.
.
Cris (without an H)
@The Snarxist Formerly Known As Kryptik: All their flavor formulas suck. That’s because they use sucralose even in their non-diet formulas.
My preferred additive is Pappy’s Sassafras Tea.
RareSanity
In all fairness, there’s only two, maybe three people that are blatantly grifting. Newter, Raising Cain and most likely Da Bachman.
The others, save Rick Perry, really want to be President.
Rick Perry knows he’s out of his league, but it wouldn’t be very macho of him to quit now.
Brian S
@RareSanity: I think Bachmann is a true believer in her destiny to become president. She’s too messianic to be in it simply for the grift.
Warren Terra
With a post title like “fucking magnets, how do they work?”, I was really hoping you’d post the awesome video of a levitating superconducting disc that’s been going around the intertubes.
Feudalism Now!
@Raresanity Perry is totally in it for the grift. No economic plan, stuttering idiot in debates and his wife giving the ‘Leave Ricky Alone” speech sort of point to it.
Robert Green
Song is “homicide ” by…. 999 of course. The a punk classic.
MikeJ
@gocart mozart: The filk is strong in this one.
shecky
It’s worse than that. In order to get employers to stop hiring illegal immigrants, you have to put the brakes on the economic growth itself. Stop hiring illegal immigrants, and those industries simply cease to exist in the US. Along with the prosperity, tax base, supporting industries, etc.
Odie Hugh Manatee
I think the 999 comes from a Godfather’s pizza special back then: $9.99
I really believe it’s that simple; he’s offering to deliver America a new version of his special.
The guy is as deep as a thimble.
THE
@Warren Terra:
Yes. I linked that too.
Come on Doug. This thread needs some superconductivity.
Joseph Nobles
Tell me you got tax to reform, and I say 9-9-9
Warren Terra
@Odie Hugh Manatee:
Or was it the Godfathers all-you-can-eat buffet for $9.99?
Triassic Sands
Oh, Dougerhead, that’s nonsense and you know it. They come here to get welfare and commit crimes. Oh, yeah, and to have babies who are American citizens, who will grow up and vote to allow Mexico to take over the US.
Find work? Really? You’re going to pretend that’s why they come here? My Mexican-American friends will have a riot laughing at your naivete, as they collect their Foodstamps and rob the corner convenience store.
A decade ago, I taught more than a dozen Mexican immigrants, some illegal at the time, to speak English (or speak it more fluently). Today, in order to fool rubes like you, they’ve all become citizens, vote regularly in both local and general elections, and pretend to hold legitimate jobs. But in reality, they’re really here to sell drugs, bleed the government dry, and lay the groundwork to take over the whole damn country. I’d turn them in, but I’m too afraid they’d kill me if I ratted them out.
And to think that they may all be more successful today because of the free help I gave them. I’m so ashamed.
Oh, yeah, and 47% of Americans don’t pay any taxes at all!!!
[Source: Cooper Anderson, CNN]
jon
What’s needed is a simple jobs program that allows immigrants from Mexico (and places South of there) to come and work seasonally, leave when they like, and pay taxes and stuff. That it could be done simply isn’t a huge problem.
The problem now is that immigrants feel a need to bring their families along because like most human beings they don’t want to risk their lives constantly going from work to home to have a better life. If they could get a job card for some portion of their wages (this may be where a nine-percent tax could work), that would allow the US to have workers for semi-skilled positions and employers to fill those positions without fear of those sanctions that only happen in some instances where a sheriff needs to be in the news, and the country could actually evaluate whether or not immigrant labor is a net positive or net negative.
I’m okay with a taxed amnesty program for those here illegally now. A tax penalty for non-citizenship works for me.
As long as we streamline and change our ridiculous legal citizenship process as well. (Warning, pdf link. It’s also from Reason, but it’s likely the best thing to come out of that magazine ever.)
Ben Cisco
@gocart mozart: Most impressive.
__
Musical accompaniment.
__
Also, may I post this on my humble blog with credits pls?
Neil
I would advocate for a modification of the old “1.99 are you out of your mind” commercial. We should be so lucky.
Barry
@shecky: “It’s worse than that. In order to get employers to stop hiring illegal immigrants, you have to put the brakes on the economic growth itself. Stop hiring illegal immigrants, and those industries simply cease to exist in the US. Along with the prosperity, tax base, supporting industries, etc.”
Well, the GOP is clearly trying to do that.
Morbo
Well, he could sing Iron Maiden while doing a handstand.
DJAnyReason
So help me, if Cain somehow adapted the Square One TV “Nine Nine Nine” song into something about his tax plan, I might almost be obligated to vote for him on principle.
Scott P.
Cain should make the Angry Birds song into a 9-9-9 song.
dmsilev
Well, sometimes when one unpaired electronic spin loves another unpaired electronic spin *very* much…
(in the incredibly unlikely event that someone actually wants to know how magnets work, I can oblige at a mind-numbing level of detail.)
Susanna K.
Actually, the Hooters (remember them? no?) have a song called “Engine 999.” It’s pretty catchy.
Sapheriel
fuck a song. how about this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoMgnJDXd3k
SMc
999 is the emergency number for several countries, including the UK. Hence the Clash:
London’s burning with boredom now,
London’s burning dial 9-9-9-9-9.
dadanarchist
There was an old British punk band called 999.
They have tracks titled “Crazy” and “No Pity” on their debut record. Perhaps those would work as placeholders?
dadanarchist
And the lyrics to “No Pity” describe Herman Cain’s plan pretty well:
“Not much time to stay alive
Try the hard way take a dive
Got a new one call it sue
Wont be long now coming through
Have your own way I don’t care
This is my way ?solitaire?
In the event of going insane
Whatever I loose will be my gain
We’re gonna make you fall
We’re gonna take it all cos we have no pity
Thake what’s yours don’t wait for me
I belive it’s all for free
Thinking fast now make our move
It’s a hard thing to improve
Show me your integrity
You’re no better than me
Give me all that you possesses
It’s my answer to success
Don’t ask me to remain aloof
Seek yourself or tell the thruth
Got no shame that’s how I feel
Don’t you ask me to conceal
Show you my anatomy
Be a real good thing for me
Had to happen to collide
All because you really tried”
No One of Consequence
Now, please understand, I am not a Juggaloo, or whatever the hell Insane Klown Posse calls fans, etc. However, I will not leap to their defense as much as comment that, “Fucking Magnets, how do they work?!”, sounds like obvious idiocy.
It is not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMFPe-DwULM
That’s one of my heroes: Dr. Richard Feynman. In this video he punts on explaining magnetism to you. He simply cannot explain it in any meaningful way that you would comprehend.
Consider this please, before you act as though you could actually accurately describe, in fact, how magnetism works. The great majority of the scientific community, not to mention humanity at large, can *NOT* explain it.
Peace,
– NOoC
gocart mozart
@Ben Cisco:
absolutely. post away
The prophet Nostradumbass
Here’s a 999 song: Girlschool. Also covered by Motörhead.