Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

Usually wrong but never in doubt

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Everybody saw this coming.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

In my day, never was longer.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

Chutkan laughs. Lauro sits back down.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Thanks for reminding me that Van Jones needs to be slapped.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

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Reader Interactions

51Comments

  1. 1.

    g

    That Sarah Palin video is a holiday classic. Just like “A Charlie Brown Christmas” – it’s a heartwarming way to celebrate the season.

  4. 4.

    gogol's wife

    I can’t believe this Geller person is real, or that the New York Times Magazine did a profile of her.

  6. 6.

    JCT

    I am howling — wow, I needed that after spending an entire morning arguing with my new employer who wanted me to “explain and have someone verify” a 2-month gap in my CV.

    That “gap” would be my summer vacation between college and medical school almost 30 years ago.

    I felt like re-enacting that Palin and the turkey scene….

    And Pam is one of those MOTs that make me want to convert. What a moron.

  8. 8.

    Yevgraf

    I loved this link in the comments for the sheer batshitz nuttery of it all.

    http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/11/brithers-attempt-to-remove-obama-from-new-hampshire-primary.php?ref=fpblg_beta

    The birther wars continue. Orly Taitz, birther queen of California, personally filed a complaint in New Hampshire on Saturday that challenged President Obama’s U.S. citizenship and argued for his removal from the state’s ballot, reports the Concord Monitor.

    ‘Tis a thing of beauty after you get to the meaty parts. Proud old ‘Murkins screaming “traitor”.

    Its the sort of stuff that has me longing for the opportunity to preside over a death panel.

  9. 9.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    I am assuming the book she wrote last year about this ‘serious” matter was self-published. If not, I now know that some publisher will publish any crap that is submitted to them.

    I have a poor relative that suffers from delusions on many subjects. It’s hard to talk to him because it’s hard to follow all the conspiracies that are traveling through his head.

    He’s cabinet material next to this babe.

  11. 11.

    Nutella

    @gogol’s wife:

    Unfortunately Geller is all too real and influential within her own vicious circle. Her anti-Islam ravings were read and quoted by the Christian terrorist who shot up the youth camp in Norway.

  12. 12.

    j low

    My fiancee is a non practicing muslim who does eat halal (except for booze of course). She will be thrilled to find out that all Turkeys are halal.

  15. 15.

    Brachiator

    I loved this droll comment.

    Oh wait. I checked the federal food safety website. All you have to do is cook the turkey to 165 degrees. Kills salmonella, campylobacter, listeria, sharia….

  16. 16.

    MattF

    @Hill Dweller: So, he went there, and we still have a year to go. Here’s the TPM link:

    2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/11/rush-limbaugh-michelle-obama-booed-at-nascar-event-over-uppityism-audio.php?ref=fpnewsfeed

  20. 20.

    Comrade Dread

    Oh crap. I eat Butterball lunch meat and Duncan donuts. So I’m like a Super Muslim now with super sharia powers like un-x-ray vision where every woman appears to me dressed in a burqa.

  21. 21.

    chopper

    i wonder what pammy thinks of the fact that most all of the packaged shit in every supermarket in the country has a hechsher on it, despite the fact that kosher-keeping jews make up like a quarter of a percent of the population? is it a conspiracy?

  23. 23.

    Dr. Squid

    @MattF: I got a “You don’t have permission to access this server” error.

    I’m guessing that Pammycakes doesn’t keep kosher. If she does her description of halal as bugfuck insane is even a) more hypocritical and 2) funnier.

  25. 25.

    different-church-lady

    I will bet you any freakin’ thing Butterball does not have someone speak the name of Allah over every single damn turkey they slaughter.

  26. 26.

    Warren Terra

    Thing of it is, all Pam’s really saying is that poultry is killed by exsanguination. Which is not news.

    For the meat to be Halal the killing must be accompanied by a prayer, according to someone Tbogg blockquotes, and for it to be Kosher the facility must be inspected and perhaps the killings supervised by someone accredited to a rabbinical council.

    By the way, I rather doubt the part where the killing must be accompanied by a prayer spoken by the person doing the killing for the carcass to be Halal – firstly, because I really doubt that Butterball (which asserts all of its turkey meat is Halal) is requiring its bird-killers to say, or at least mouth, a prayer in Arabic; and secondly because I doubt that Islamic communities would smile upon nonbelievers aping their prayers without a profession of faith. I suspect that the actual situation for Halal is much like the situation for Kashering, i.e. that the process and the facility must be inspected and approved, and perhaps some degree of supervision occurs.

    Also note that Pam claims “much of the meat in Europe and the United States is being processed as halal”. This is almost certainly not the case, as the (standard) use of a bolt gun to kill cattle is iirc inconsistent with both Kashering and Halal procedures, and of course the large amount of pork produced in the country is not gonna be Kosher or Halal no matter how you kill the beast.

  27. 27.

    Martin

    I wonder if Pam knows that they don’t separate the non-vegan vegetables from the vegan vegetables? My 11 year, in-depth investigation has determined that the broccoli you buy at the grocery store for your non-vegan meal, is actually vegan broccoli. AND NOBODY REALIZES IT!

  30. 30.

    Martin

    i wonder what pammy thinks of the fact that most all of the packaged shit in every supermarket in the country has a hechsher on it, despite the fact that kosher-keeping jews make up like a quarter of a percent of the population? is it a conspiracy?

    I blame Hebrew National for spamming me non-stop during the 70’s with their ‘we answer to a higher authority’ commercials.

    Yep, like every other fucking thing in this country, blame goes straight back to the hot dogs.

  31. 31.

    RareSanity

    @TooManyJens:

    I like the complete lack of recognition shown by the firm’s CEO, by telling the reporter:

    There is blood on your hands for this one, Joe… I will never, ever forgive you for this.

    In one sentence, he manages to transfer all responsibility for the firm’s demise to the reporter, and seems to think that the reporters feelings will somehow be hurt, by never being forgiven by him.

    It’s your fault Joe! Sure we’re insensitive bastards that celebrate, and mock, the misfortune of others. And sure we, many times, broke the law in the furtherance of our business. But, the reason this firm is shutting down is because of you reporting it! You’re not my friend anymore!

    These sons-of-bitches, actually think that they should be able to do whatever the fuck they want, as long as it’s profitable. And they are shocked, shocked I say, when they find out differently.

  32. 32.

    Cris (without an H)

    @different-church-lady: I will bet you any freakin’ thing Butterball does not have someone speak the name of Allah over every single damn turkey they slaughter.

    But since the phrase is “Bismillah allahu akbar,” I’d be okay if they just sang Bohemian Rhapsody while killing the turkeys.

  33. 33.

    scav

    Deck the plate with birds of halel
    al hamdu lillah, di-la de-la-la-la
    Don we now our gay Sharia,
    la la la, la la la, Al-la-lah!

  34. 34.

    Culture of Truth

    I will bet you any freakin’ thing Butterball does not have someone speak the name of Allah over every single damn turkey they slaughter.

    They’ve taught all the other turkeys to gobble it.

  36. 36.

    Martin

    @RareSanity:

    There is blood on your hands for this one, Joe… I will never, ever forgive you for this.

    Maybe the reporter’s employer should have a Thanksgiving party where everyone comes dressed up as a homeless former mortgage foreclosure employee.

  37. 37.

    PurpleGirl

    @Warren Terra: A past controller at the non-profit I used to work for and I had a conversation one day about Halal food laws and Kosher food laws. (He had heard me explaining to a new staff member why the pizza for an office lunch was bought at a Kosher pizza shop.)

    According to him, before there was a sufficient number of Muslims on Long Island to sustain a Halal butcher, he and many other Muslims bought meat at Kosher butchers. They felt that was a better solution to the problem of how to get properly handled food. Halal and Kosher aren’t exactly the same but they are close enough. I wonder if Geller knows this. (Not that it would matter to her.)

  38. 38.

    Culture of Truth

    I always wondered by Butterball played Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” to their turkeys.

  39. 39.

    Steve

    @Warren Terra: You are a wise man. I found this definition of halal at the Butterball website:

    Halal – an Arabic word which means “lawful” or “allowed.” The opposite of halal is haram, which means “unlawful” or “prohibited”. Halal foods are foods that are permitted for consumption by Muslims under Islamic law. All foods are considered halal except the following, which are haram: swine/pork and its by-products; animals improperly slaughtered or dead before slaughtering; animals killed in the name of anyone other than Allah (God); alcohol and intoxicants; carnivorous animals, birds of prey and animals without external ears; blood and blood by-products; foods contaminated with any of the above products. Foods containing ingredients such as gelatin, enzymes, emulsifiers, etc. are questionable (mashbooh) because of the origin of these ingredients is not known.

    So it seems like Butterball has sort of written their own definition of halal, where you don’t need to say Allah’s name over every animal, you just need to avoid saying any other god’s name over them. Very clever, albeit doctrinally questionable. For every Cafeteria Catholic there’s a Slaughterhouse Sunni.

  40. 40.

    Sloegin

    Just make sure to waterboard your halal bird prior to cooking, preferably in a kosher salt brine.

  43. 43.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Warren Terra:

    of course the large amount of pork produced in the country is not gonna be Kosher or Halal no matter how you kill the beast.

    Well, obviously the solution for Geller is to gorge on ham, bacon, and pork chops, so that she can avoid being brainwashed by halal prepared foods.

    I mean, it’s the sort of thing that Reinhard Heydrich would have done to avoid being brainwashed by kosher foods…

    Moronic bint.

  46. 46.

    opie jeanne

    @Steve:

    “…..animals improperly slaughtered or dead before slaughtering…”

    I know what they really mean by this but my first thought was, “How do you slaughter a dead animal?”

  47. 47.

    DJ Poopypants

    Thanks – I now have a million dollar idea –

    FREEDOM TURKEYS!

    Real Amuricans and Republicans will pay top dollar for certified sharia free turkeys – ones processed with “enhanced disposition techniques” – with a Tea-Party sticker on them (just like an organic label – that’s my 2nd million dollar idea!) I’m sure Congress will soon ensure all turkeys procured for their lunches must be FREEDOM TURKEYS.

    I’m also thinking a picture of a founding father on the package would be good. But is Ben Franklin too socialist-y?

    Right – I’m off to the patent office….

  49. 49.

    Liberty60

    @DJ Poopypants:
    You sir, have an excellent career waiting for you in the Wingnut Grifteria.

    May I suggest that you create an Anti-Halal regimen in order to be certified Murkin:

    1. That the turkeys are shot dead, in Texas with a six-gun;

    2. That a Fox News personality preside over the slaughter while offering praise for Jeebus.

    3. That no hippies or gheys or other unclean infidels* be allowed to touch the birds.

    *You know who I’m talking about. C’mon, you know.

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