My wife got called by the junior high school my daughter attends today. Normally, one dreads calls from the school in the middle of the day. Broken bones, allergic reactions, a fight or some other problem and it ALL flashes through a parent’s mind. They wanted her to know that my daughter had talked one of her friends to come forward and talk about the harassment that she, the friend, had been dealing with. My kid and her friend are both thirteen and in the 7th grade. This other young lady has apparently matured physically more than most of her peers, and this has made her a target for taunting and harassment by both boys and girls at the school. This particular incident involved a group of boys. They wanted my wife to be there while they questioned my kid as a witness to the misbehavior. So she goes to the school, and sits with my daughter as she relates the mistreatment her friend has been suffering all year. She named the boys involved in this latest incident as well as the other kids who have been repeatedly mistreating her friend. She told them about how most of the boys were just being stupid boys and that the ringleader is a boy that most of the girls think is creepy and is always trying to touch them. She later told my wife that this particular boy has been in trouble for this kind of thing before and that “he’s scary and a real a-hole.” On the way home from school, she begged my wife not to tell me, because apparently she’s of the opinion that I’m overprotective, and that she can take care of herself. The boys got a week of In School Detention, a couple of girls got written warnings, and a letter was sent home with all of the 7th grade class. Well, obviously I know about it. Wife told me about it and made me promise not to make a big scene. So I only told my girl that I’m proud of her for standing up for another person and for herself, too.
I’d also like to mention that I’m proud of our school. They acted swiftly and decisively and they did not overreact. Things like this give me hope.
Open thread, too.
dollared
Sorry it happened but i’m proud of your kid and your school, too. People gotta stand up for themselves and act with integrity. And yes, it’s hard.
shortstop
She was probably also embarrassed about having a parent of the opposite sex know the details. Or maybe not — girls today ain’t as fragile as we were, and thank dog for that.
Well played all around.
dp
Good for her. You should be proud.
Laertes
That’s a pretty awesome kid you’ve raised. Nice work.
cathyx
That’s a great story.
arguingwithsignposts
Is there a father out there (with obvious exceptions) who isn’t overprotective?
ETA: what others have said – a good story. hope it stops the problem.
Odie Hugh Manatee
The only way you can stop harassment is to confront it, kudos to your daughter for her standing up for her friend and herself. I would tell her to keep a sharp eye out for problems from the same people as they may seek retribution for her actions, as nasty people like to do when they are called on the carpet by an authority.
The problem isn’t just the misbehaving kids, their parents are part of the problem too. My Mom made it clear to us kids that she would fight for us like a lioness if we were in the right. We didn’t want to see what she would do if we were in the wrong since we already knew how that would turn out for us.
Too many parents believe that their child(ren) are the perfect angels and it the other kids (and their parents) who are the real problem.
Shitty parents lead to shitty kids that grow up to be shitty adults, just like their parents.
aimai
Hey soonergrunt, I didn’t realize we had children the same age. Your daughter sounds wonderful, you should be very, very, proud. 7th grade is a horror show. My daughter has been bullied and osctracized on and off by the cool girls since 5th grade. She’d stand up for anyone but no one stands up for her.
aimai
Measles Montgomery
Good on your kid! Wait, no. Excellent on your kid! And way to go for the harassee.
cathyx
As a mother of a 13 year old myself, it’s a fine line a parent of a female has to walk to raise a girl who stands up for herself and her friends and one who isn’t a ‘mean girl’.
fromOberlin
I think it’s great that you credit the school, too, and think it’s important to make sure that the school administrators know you’re proud of them you think they’ve done right (and to give them credit when talking among other parents, as parents do). They’ve got a tough job with a lot of people looking over their shoulder, and they’re probably not often thanked.
gelfling545
It would be a good thing if some of that in school detention time was used for counseling these guys on just where they went astray. It could save them and (especially) their female acquaintances much grief later in life.
As for your daughter, congratulations on a job well done.
Cassidy
@aimai: Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. Nothing builds confidence like knowing you can choke the bejesus out of some little shit who runs his/her mouth.
debg
What everybody else has said–you must be so proud of your daughter. And it’s cool of you to credit the school.
Martin
That’s how my son’s school operates too. The parents of the boys would have been hauled in for a meeting, particularly the “is always trying to touch them” one.
This kind of stuff would have been shrugged off when I was in middle school. Not any more.
What’s also kind of interesting to see is that there’s a sizable (⅓, maybe more) group of kids that actually look out for the kids that get targeted. They’re actually banding together against the bullying. And from what I’ve seen, there are no apparent racial, religious, gender lines along which that’s happening. Just kids looking out for each other. Sure as hell didn’t have that going on when I was in middle school.
I don’t think the haters in the GOP understand at all how different young people are than themselves.
Loneoak
Kiddogrunt sounds like a fabulous junior human.
Abstruse
Poor girl.
gbear
Good for your daughter. I hope that the school’s actions put a lid on the worst of the behaviour. I’d keep an eye on things to see that there’s no retribution.
Martin
@Cassidy: Tae Kwon Do works well too. Son earned his black belt. Gets people’s attention.
Cassidy
@Martin: Yes it does. My two oldest want me to enroll them in kickboxing and BJJ.
duck-billed placelot
Your daughter does sound great, and it’s fantastic that you respected her feelings about the episode. Having said that, I’m not so sure about being glad the school ‘didn’t overreact’… So this boy has already been in trouble for this behavior; behavior which, let’s be clear, is sexual assault (unless his ‘always trying to touch’ the girls is, like, the elbow? But I really, really doubt it). It’s better than after school detention, I guess, but one week of in-school isn’t really going to address his problems. Counseling & lady-oriented community service spring immediately to mind.
The Moar You Know
OT: Virginia passes abortion ultrasound bill.
Old Dan and Little Ann
I am pretty sure 27% of kids are assholes.
Lynn Sutherland
What a brave and difficult thing for your daughter to do. I remember what it was like in junior high school–even from a perspective of 55 years. How incredibly courageous of her. All of your family should be so proud–all of you share in a humanity we are aspiring to.
danielx
Most excellent; your daughter is a standup person.
kdaug
So I posted it on the Interwebs.
Soonergrunt
@duck-billed placelot: Well, I don’t know if anything else was done to that particular boy or not. With the ISD, the boys are out of circulation for the week. He may be gone or not. I do know that both Moore PD and OKC PD have resource officers assigned to the schools, so there’s that angle.
donovong
Good for your daughter! You have reason to be proud.
Soonergrunt
@kdaug: well, yeah. But since none of her friends read Balloon-Juice to my knowledge, and I don’t know anyone in the flesh who does (my wife doesn’t even read this) I think I’m safe.
lamh35
Hmmm the pigs are gonna squeal about his, but from Levin’s ears to…
First on CNN: Levin says Limbaugh should be dropped from Armed Forces Network
Angela
Good on your daughter!
Betty Cracker
Kudos to SoonerGirl! I have a 13-year-old daughter too. To steal a line from “The Birdcage,” sometimes it’s like riding a psychotic horse towards a burning barn. But there is more wonderfulness than not if you raise them right. Sounds like you are.
Soonergrunt
@gbear: We’re going to keep an eye on that.
lamh35
@Betty Cracker: love the Birdcage, both the American version and La Cage Au Folles
YellowJournalism
I swear I could tell you the exact same story, although set about 20-some years ago (wtf? I’m old!). Sorry to say my story ended with some crap about “boys will be boys” and a warning not to overreact to such situations as that just “encourages” it. Afterwards, I was teased at school and harrassed on the phone. Sadly, I hear that the school isn’t much better, having let a child be harrassed physically and mentally to the point of a serious racial discrimination lawsuit.
Arclite
@ Soonergrunt, I’m sure this is a private school where you pay tuition $20K per year. Everyone knows public schools can’t handle situations like this, b/c gov’t can’t do anything right.
merrinc
@gbear:
THIS. A thousand times this. Soonergrunt’s daughter is a strong, brave young woman and the school acted commendably but please don’t assume this will resolve the matter once and for all. It’s entirely possible these kids will become more circumspect and just take care not to get caught.
And don’t shoot me for saying this, but girls being involved in the bullying may be the worst part of it. Boys can be obnoxious and prone to violence but girls have much more subtle methods of completely ripping another girl to shreds. I had to pull my daughter out of the 8th grade last fall over subtle girl bullying. (We’re homeschooling now.) For those more interested about this subject, I highly recommend reading “Please Stop Laughing at Me” by Jodee Blanco and/or looking to see if she’s doing a free seminar in your area.
Soonergrunt
@lamh35: The chairman of the SASC…that’s huge. Generals and Admirals like having the SASC chairman on their side, and he just told them what would make him, and them happy.
Granted that the HASC chair is Buck McKeon, and they like keeping the HASC chair happy too, nothing will happen till we retake the House, most likely.
Gordon, The Big Express Engine
We have three kids and the youngest is a girl. We waited until birth to find out the gender of the first two because it was fun not knowing. With the third, we just wanted to know and found out 20 weeks in. My wife was certain it was a boy and wanted another one. We found out it was a girl and she cried after finding out, saying “it was so awful being a middle school girl” – she was an early developed kid if you get my drift. She got over it quick and our 20 month old girl rocks. In sum, I hope my daughter exhibits the same fortitude you described when she hits middle school. Good on her (and you).
currants
Kudos to her–it’s a courageous and important thing to do. When mine was in 6th grade she had a similar experience, and a friend went with her to talk first with a teacher and then with the principal, who handled the situation immediately and well. Still, that girls endure this kind of harassment as long as they do before they are willing to speak about it says something’s seriously awry, I think.
muddy
When I was that age there was a group of boys that were always fking with me. Not just harassment, but physical injuries, bloody wounds. The teacher would notice, possibly because the ringleader was the son of the superintendent. My mother was abusive, and did not mind surrogates. I was afraid of what would happen, but finally I could not take it any more, thinking it couldn’t really get worse and I just walked out of the class to the principal.
I told him the story. The teacher, the mom, the retaliation I feared. He called them in afterwards, and I don’t know what he said but it was great. No retaliation, they never made eye contact with me again. Paradise.
Until I went home, and (stupidly) proudly told my mother that I had handled it, it came out well, I was proud. She punished me severely because “now those boys will have a black mark on their permanent record”. All strangers to her. This was decades ago, but still…
Of course as a parent I *always* took my son’s side. In public. In private we got to the heart of things, but he always knew I had his back and that came first before we got to the part where he got punished for his part, if warranted.
Thank you for telling this story, I always like the ones I recognize but then they come out right this time.
Gordon, The Big Express Engine
dumb (but funny) joke I heard from a co-worker (with two much older daughters) when I announced we were having a girl: with boys you only have to worry about one dick. With girls, you have to worry about all the dicks!
Anne Laurie
Your kid did good. It helps, truly, that she knows her parents have her back — so, you and her mom did good, too!
Jewish Steel
Your kid kicks ass.
WereBear (itouch)
Good for her! Parents deserve some credit ;) Sounds like the school did the right thing.
Junior high massively sucked when it cane to bullying. High school is actually better.
The world gets better when we make the effort.
Linda Featheringill
My daughter developed earlier than most of her peers.
There is an attitude out there that “If they’re big enough, they’re old enough.” You know you’ve heard this.
Which of course is all hogwash. A child is just a child.
[and good on your daughter]
Mike in NC
@Odie Hugh Manatee:
So you’ve met my older brother? The one with two ex-wives, a daughter in rehab, and a son who refuses to see him?
We’re in the process of suing him over our late parents’ estate, which he thinks belongs entirely to him.
pluege
Things like this give me hope.
huh? got a number of prime republicans in the making there, fine tuning their skills going after innocent people with their crap. Maybe the ring leader could even run for president some day and win the tea [douche]bag nomination.
Litlebritdifrnt
I was bullied all through junior school, (I guess kindergarten and middle school here in the US) my bully followed me to High School, and then my step brothers (all boxers) thought that me being bullied was bullshit. They took me down into the cellar and trained me on the punching bag. Day after day, punch after punch. The next time my bully tried to bully me I smacked her in the mouth so hard I knocked out her crowns. She never touched me again.
Soonergrunt
@Jewish Steel: Yes, she does.
@Linda Featheringill: The other little girl, the friend, has been over for sleepovers and movies and so forth for years, and is the sweetest, most naive kid in the world. And that’s part of her problem. She wouldn’t think to ever say something harsh or snappy back to somebody.
Mnemosyne
As someone who was called “Jugs” all through junior high, you can tell your daughter from me that her friend is probably more grateful than she can say right now.
Soonergrunt
Tweeted by Eric Boelhert just now:
Soonergrunt
@pluege: Or maybe they’ve been set straight and will grow up to be responsible adults who will be productive members of society that don’t prey on others.
Jager
A great kid story from this past Sunday. We went to the Laker-Miami game. Lakers guard Steve Blake’s wife has the seats in front of us, since it was a day game she brought their 2-3 year old son. All through the first half sonny boy was standing up in his seat wearing his little Steve Blake jersey, jumping up and down, pointing at the jumbotron every time his dad was on it. He was having a great time. Our seats are by the runway and the team walks by on the way to the dressing room. Steve Blake comes off, he reaches up and gives the little guy a high five and blows him a kiss. Sonny boy falls asleep at the beginning of the 2nd half and sleeps through the rest of the game, Blake comes off the floor looks for his son, sees him sleeping and just cracks up. Great moment.
Jeffro
@fromOberlin: Ditto on all of that (no Rush connotations intended!)
duck-billed placelot
@Soonergrunt: Oh, good! Most crucial thing, of course, is for the friend/others to no longer be assaulted/harassed. But for the creepy-boy’s sake, too, I hope someone is intervening on a more consistent basis from now on. (Someone besides your daughter, I mean.) He’s still young enough that maybe the school can stop him from becoming a full-fledged libertarian.
Just Some Fuckhead
I don’t have to deal with this kinda stuff because my daughter is one of the bullies. It certainly makes things a lot easier, as you would imagine.
Soonergrunt
@Just Some Fuckhead: Well, thank God for that. I think.
Svensker
@efgoldman:
And that guy is talking about using legal discovery to snoop through S. Fluke’s sex life. Eeeeecchhh. Gotta go wash.
Svensker
@muddy:
So sorry about your mom. Hope you’ve been able to let that pain go.
Soonergrunt
@Svensker: He apparently doesn’t understand that discovery goes both ways, right?
middlewest
Good. It’s possible she just cut down the next Limbaugh before he got a chance to sprout.
TheMightyTrowel
@merrinc: The classic book on girl-on-girl bullying is Wiseman’s Queen Bees and Wannabes. Also, it’s the book Tina Fey used as a base for the film Mean Girls.
As a formerly bullied teen girl, and someone with a parent who does anti-bullying work in schools, well done on your daughter. It’s hard as hell to be 13 and get out of the fishbowl (cesspit) of in groups, out groups, bullies and fear. She’s gonna be an amazing woman in a few more years.
JR in WV
Sooner,
Congrats on your kid standing up for her friend, and on the school standing up for the right people.
My school (40+ years ago) expelled my cousin for having his hair too long. But he was a 4.0 student, and my uncle got a lawyer to tell them that hair wasn’t a valid educational rating point. A new experience for the school principle.
He was disappointed he had to come back to school after just a couple of days off.
Insomniac
Well done Sonnergruntdottir and Mrs. Soonergrunt, also and too.
merrinc
@TheMightyTrowel:
Thanks for the encouragement. It doesn’t always feel like pulling her out of school was the right thing – she is often lonely and rejects most attempts to get her involved with kids her own age. But last night she signed up for a career fair for middle/high schoolers and she’s picked out a couple of science classes to take at a local museum. Won’t even consider going to high school next fall, though.
Kay (no, not that one)
Congratulations. It sounds like you have raised a person you can not only be proud of, but whom you will actually want to be friends with.Good work, Dad. Good work, daughter.
lacp
I thought the big problem in OK was lesbians in the high schools. Or has that been solved?
Elie
Your daughter did a good and very brave thing. Later on in life she will witness people sitting on their bee-hinds for even low risk situations where standing for something requires little investment. Other, more risky times, she will witness herds of colleagues chewing their cuds while at work bully bosses and others cut the weak and unpopular from the heard through humiliation and belittlement.
It is never too early to learn how to stand up. Please also teach her the tools (over time), of how to be brave when she is alone in standing up, or when the risk is truly substantial. Honestly, this is so little taught anymore and one sees very few examples modeled in our so called “leaders” anymore.
Again, she did a strong, brave thing. You should be proud. You and your wife are mensch…
Debbie(aussie)
SG, sounds like you and you r wife are raising a compassionateand empathetic young woman, she rocks.
Soonergrunt
@lacp: It’s only an issue every six years or so, if you get my meaning.
Mike S.
a tale so reasonable that it cannot possibly be true (in this day and age)
PNW Warrior Woman
See the following report: Crossing the Line: Sexual Harassment at School by AAUW. To download a *free* copy of the complete report, click here. See the report’s recommendations that you and your wife, as parents, can take to the school administration and your district to tackle this in the schools.
CT Voter
Your daughter sounds awesome.
This stuck out:
Recognized by peers as an issue, what happens next?
asiangrrlMN
Soonerdaughter is awesome, Soonergrunt. I wish I had her courage at her age. Your kid, she’s all right!
@muddy: So sorry to hear about your mother, muddy. I know how it only compounds the pain when your parent is so clearly not on your side.
Sarah Proud and Tall
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Oh, Fuckhead, I do miss you when you don’t come around…
sherparick
Sounds like the “ring-leader” has a great future in talk radio.
ET
Honestly it is your daughters action that give me hope. Seems like you and the wife are doing a great job.
Lee
I’ll just chime in with another warning. Middle school sucks.
My daughter was the same in 5th grade and some of 6th. By 7th & 8th grade she would come home and talk about a couple of kids getting bullied and feeling bad for them but she could no longer muster the courage to stop them personally.
I told her to just go tell a principle and then keep out of it. While she is universally regarded as a huge pain in the ass (stubborn, loud, obnoxious and opinionated) teachers and principles know that she will always tell them the truth even if she is the one in trouble.
Thankfully middle school for her is in the past and she is now in high school. She has befriended ‘the weird kid’ and it seems most of the bullying in in the past.
Susan
I love when people boast about their children’s excellent upbringing. I’m a HUGE boaster. LOL
I have a similar story and I’m very proud of the ending.
When my daughter, who is 14 now and an 8th grader, went into 6th grade, after a summer of some changing! (she blossomed into a thin, beautiful girl) her best friend since 2nd grade began to bully her the way girl’s do. It’s different than boy bullying. It’s agressional relationship bullying where they choose a girl, and ostracize her, talk about her behind her back, make up rumors etc.etc. etc. Anyway, they were doing that to my daughter so much that she stayed home from school, telling me she was sick one day. She never stays home from school! EVER! She could be near death and want to go.
That weekend, she showed me a nasty text message from the girl who was bullying her. I was outraged and quickly responded telling that girl that if she sent her another message I would go to her school and report her. Well, she did. So on Monday, armed with all of the information I could pull off the internet about girl bullying, I went to her school, reported the girl, (it’s always the girl no one expects, too.) And she began to get detentions and in school suspensions until she finally ceased.
That year, girl bullying in my daugthers school in her grade stopped. Two years later, all of the girls try to get along, or at least don’t mess with each other.
I’m happy to announce, that my wonderful daughter, is Student Council President, soon to be awarded the Presidential Award for straight A’s at her promotion, captain of her volley ball team, basketball team as well as MVP for her basketball team.
She is a leader among her peers and loved by everyone. But it took her admitting that she was being bullied so I could stop it.
I’m very proud of how she’s turning out but if the bullying had been allowed to continue I don’t think she would have fared as well.
artem1s
can someone please tell me why I keep getting sent to the mobile site when I go to view comments. it’s really annoying?
Liz
Excellent story all the way around (except for the poor girl, who hopefully won’t have to go through anything like this again). You should be very proud of your girl.