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He really is that stupid.

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You are here: Home / Archives for Open Threads / Because of wow.

Because of wow.

And On The Matter Of Commas

by Tom Levenson|  August 7, 20214:02 pm| 66 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Open Threads

In yesterday’s diversion on the importance of precision in language (that confusion about Merle Haggard’s brides, etc.), valued commenter Bruce K. in ATH-GR noted that he sometimes asks for care packages of commas from friends in the US.

And On The Matter Of Commas 2

I promised him a post that touches on this, and boy, do I have one.

I’m sure the Jackaltariat is sufficiently small “c” catholic in its interests so that some here have heard of a work that is both justifiably (more than a little) obscure and absolutely awesome as an example of the human carnival. That would be A Pickle for the Knowing Ones, which Masshole (of course) Timothy Dexter published in 1802.

Dexter was a piece of work; in fact his picture is (or should be) in the dictionary next to “lucky beats good every time.” From his Wikipedia entry:

Because he was largely uneducated, his business sense was considered peculiar. He was advised to send bed warmers—used to heat beds in the cold New England winters—for resale in the West Indies, a tropical area. This advice was a deliberate ploy by rivals to bankrupt him. His ship’s captain sold them as ladles to the local molasses industry and made a handsome profit.[5][unreliable source?] Next, Dexter sent wool mittens to the same place, where Asian merchants bought them for export to Siberia.[1]

People jokingly told him to “ship coal to Newcastle”. Fortuitously, he did so during a Newcastle miners’ strike, and his cargo was sold at a premium.[6][7] …

He exported Bibles to the East Indies and stray cats to Caribbean islands and again made a profit; Eastern missionaries were in need of the Bibles and the Caribbean welcomed a solution to rat infestation.[1] He also hoarded whalebones by mistake, but ended up selling them profitably as corset stays.[1]

One key fact to note: luck runs out but Dexter stayed rich, so he clearly wasn’t all bumptious fool. And he was smart enough to follow George Washington’s example and marry a rich widow.  He bought a mansion in Newburyport (still a very nice town), and adorned it with, well…

And On The Matter Of Commas 3

The statues honored, among others, Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Napoleon and…himself. His likeness bore the inscription, “I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western World”.

He wrote only the one book, self-published when he was 50.  I don’t know exactly how to characterize it, but imagine if a love child of the My Pillow guy and Sarah Palin had been born (ignore the arrow of time) in 1748 and on achieving maturity (sic?) and wealth decided the world needed to know exactly what he thought of, well, anything that pissed him off in the moment, from the political life of the nation to his (seemingly very long-suffering) wife.

It is–how to put this gently–a trifle odd.  A passage:

show full post on front page

Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as I must be Lord there will foler many more Lords prittey soune for it Dont hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue on all in Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to Lay the Corner ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good A father to his children and Now gone to Rest Now to shoue my Love to my father and grate Carieters I will shoue the world one of the grate Wonders of the world in 15 months if Now man mourders me in Dors or out Dors such A mouserum on Earth will annonce O Lord thou knowest to be troue

There’s lots more. I mean LOTS. Consume your pickle thus forewarned.

Now, Dexter was in many ways an asshole. He is remembered as an eccentric, but really, he was just a rich jerk, in whole or in large part. An anecdote repeated in his every biographical notice is that he held a rehearsal for his funeral. He saw that his wife didn’t mourn with the intensity he thought his due. So he caned her.

And On The Matter Of Commas 1

As I said. Asshole.

But, and here’s my point (I do have one!) and my gift to our Greek Bruce. A Pickle for the Knowing Ones was less written and more core-dumped (I’m that old) onto the page in an order dictated only by whatever Dexter was thinking about in the moment.  It was, bizarrely, yet another success for unpleasant fellow. He handed out copies of the first printing for free, but it became popular (I’m guessing in a point-and-look-at-the-trainwreck kind of way) and went through a number of commercial reprintings.

And, as you’ll see in the (dear FSM, thankfully) brief passage above, it followed Dexter’s views on punctuation. As in, punctuation is a mug’s game. A crutch for small minds. Utterly unnecessary.

Not all of his readers agreed, and some, at least, let Dexter know, so he responded in the second edition with this:

  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

  ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
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  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

  ??????????????????????????????????????
  ??????????????????????????????????????
  ??????????????????????????????????????
  ??????????????????????!???????????????

  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
  ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
  ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
  ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

  ......................................
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  --------------------------------------
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All on a separate page in the text, with this explanation from Dexter:

fouder mister printer the Nowing ones complane of my book the fust edition had no stops I put in A Nuf here and thay may peper and solt it as they plese

Well. OK then.

Bruce: you may have these commas and all the rest besides, free and gratis for your use.

As for the rest of us? I do hope that this bit of bonkersness livens the afternoon for you all. This thread could not be more open. If you have tales of spectacular bozo-ness to share, so much the better, but, as ever, peper and solt the comments as you please.

Images: Paul Klee, Untitled, c. 1938.

2: J.H. Bufford, A view of the mansion of the late Lord Timothy Dexter in High Street, Newburyport, 1810, printed 1840

3: Engraving of Timothy Dexter and dog from the frontispiece of A Pickle For The Knowing Ones, 1848 edition.

 

And On The Matter Of CommasPost + Comments (66)

Live stream of the Royal Astronomical Society press conference on bio-signatures on Venus

by David Anderson|  September 14, 202010:55 am| 67 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Open Threads, Science & Technology

If verified, WOW

Open thread

Live stream of the Royal Astronomical Society press conference on bio-signatures on VenusPost + Comments (67)

Additional Respite: Needs More Penguins

by Tom Levenson|  March 16, 20205:38 pm| 33 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Nature & Respite, Open Threads

Because don’t we all need more penguins?

Penguins in the Amazon?! ??

Some of the penguins went on a field trip to meet other animals at Shedd. Wellington seemed most interested in the fishes in Amazon Rising! The black-barred silver dollars also seemed interested in their unusual visitor. pic.twitter.com/KgYWsp5VQD

— Shedd Aquarium (@shedd_aquarium) March 15, 2020

ETA–Also this:

The adventure continues! ??
This morning, Edward and Annie explored Shedd’s rotunda. They are a bonded pair of rockhopper penguins, which means they are together for nesting season. Springtime is nesting season for penguins at Shedd, and this year is no different! (1/3) ? pic.twitter.com/VdxN3oQAfe

— Shedd Aquarium (@shedd_aquarium) March 16, 2020

More at the Shedd Aquarium Twitter feed.

Open that thread right up…

Additional Respite: Needs More PenguinsPost + Comments (33)

Friday Morning Open Thread: SHINE

by Anne Laurie|  February 28, 20206:09 am| 177 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Open Threads, Sports, Vote Like Your Country Depends On It

she said PERIODT. pic.twitter.com/aZhNgmMTbp

— anGie (@angiemugisha) February 27, 2020


Nia Dennis, on her 21st birthday.

Shirley Chisholm had the guts to oppose the Vietnam War. The guts to run for president in 1972. And she had the guts to speak truth—no matter how uncomfortable or unpopular. Our nation’s leaders could all use a little more of Shirley Chisholm’s grit and grace. #BlackHistoryMonth

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) February 27, 2020

Full turnout for blacks would result in +9 million net Democratic votes. Full turnout by whites would result in +5.4 million net Republican votes. https://t.co/2X5tpMCNXm

— Jen Parker (@JenParker393) February 27, 2020

Black neighborhoods in key swing states hold enormous power to reshape politics in November and beyond. But in order to maximize this potential, progressives need to imagine and invest on an unprecedented scale…

What is a “new black voter”? In the 2016 presidential election, an estimated 3.3 million black people in six key swing states were unregistered, or registered but had never voted, or didn’t vote in that year, despite previously doing so. In those six states (Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Florida, North Carolina and Georgia) the number of eligible but nonvoting black people was at least 2.8 times Hillary Clinton’s margin of loss. Five of these states also had Senate elections; Democrats lost all five.

In Pennsylvania, for example, Mrs. Clinton lost by about 44,000 votes, while Katie McGinty, the Democratic Senate candidate, lost by about 87,000 votes. But an estimated 350,000 eligible black people didn’t vote statewide. Combine this with the fact that half of Pennsylvania’s black population lives in Philadelphia, and it becomes clear where there is concentrated, untapped political power. This type of geographic concentration is not unique. Just 14 cities account for over half of the black population in these six crucial states. (There are also large concentrations of black nonvoters in Jacksonville, Tampa and Orlando, Fla.; and in Fayetteville and Winston-Salem, N.C.)

And within these 14 cities, majority-black census blocks (areas usually much smaller than election precincts) account for a vastly disproportionate percentage of the black population. For example, majority-black census blocks account for 80 percent of Milwaukee county’s black population, which itself accounts for 70 percent of Wisconsin’s black population. The upshot is clear: Nonvoting black residents in key places have the potential to swing elections, from the presidency on down, in 2020 and beyond. Republicans have understood these dynamics for years; they long ago decided that they were better off trying to suppress black voters than to compete for their votes….

Research shows that the most effective voter-turnout technique is person-to-person contact from a trusted source like a family member, friend or neighbor; this is far more successful than impersonal paid communication like TV, digital or radio ads. But most nonvoters or infrequent voters don’t get this kind of outreach because campaigns and independent political groups generally ignore people with low “turnout scores.” And since these scores are developed based on voting history, nonvoters become less and less likely to be contacted. Even worse, people who have recently moved or are unregistered may not even show up in campaign databases. This problem is acute in areas with high transience, like urban, majority-black neighborhoods.

But the opportunity lies precisely with these people. To realize this potential, we must shed cynical assumptions about what is and isn’t possible…

Friday Morning Open Thread: SHINEPost + Comments (177)

Election Year Open Thread: Stephen Colbert {Hearts} Elizabeth Warren, Too

by Anne Laurie|  February 27, 202010:14 am| 318 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Election 2020, Open Threads, Proud to Be A Democrat, Warren for President 2020


(Even after he tried to hoard all the ribs, and she threatened to stab him with a fork.)

At rally for Warren in Charleston, John Legend says he already voted early in CA.

“I put it in pen early. I made my decision and I'm not changing my mind."

— Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) February 27, 2020

Thing is — I’ve said this before — even if she’s not the nominee, Senator Warren already has a job she loves, and that she’s good at. So while I would very much prefer, given the current options, that she be our next president, well…

Tomorrow, I’m introducing a plan that takes every dime Donald Trump is spending on his wall, and diverting it to fighting the coronavirus. #CNNTownHall

— Elizabeth Warren (@ewarren) February 27, 2020

Watch this video and elect this woman president. pic.twitter.com/eTsEr8Lfo0

— Sawyer Hackett (@SawyerHackett) February 26, 2020

My favorite part of this video is when the guy counters by being like “the will of the voters must be respected because Bernie won 22 states 2016” and like brother I don’t know how to break this to you but sure sounds someone else won the other 28 https://t.co/u6urlrRqRB

— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) February 27, 2020

????????? @ewarren #Warren2020 pic.twitter.com/cjvYcQTGM6

— ?? OTEP SHAMAYA ?? (@otepofficial) February 27, 2020

Election Year Open Thread: Stephen Colbert {Hearts} Elizabeth Warren, TooPost + Comments (318)

The Miracle On Ice Part II: Emergency Backup Goalie and Zamboni Driver Dave Ayres For the Win!

by Adam L Silverman|  February 22, 202010:58 pm| 42 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Not Politics, Open Threads, Something Good Open Thread, Sports

On 22 February 1980, the US Olympic hockey team beat the Soviet Olympic hockey team in what has been called the miracle on ice. Tonight in Toronto a second miracle on ice occurred. The Carolina Hurricanes starting goalie left the game with an injury. During the second period, the Hurricanes back up goalie also left the game with an injury. The NHL has a system in place for this called the emergency backup goalie (EBUG) – it is not played by Robert Picardo. At every arena, during every NHL game, a local goalie is kept in the arena in case one team’s starting and backup goalies are both forced to leave the game. Usually the emergency backup goalie is a local recreational league player or coach who has played the position for a while and they are prepared to suit up for either team. They usually spend the night in one of the luxury boxes, get to watch the game for free, get free food and drink, and then go home at the end of the night. Every so often one of them has to actually dress and go on the ice. Tonight that emergency backup goalie in Toronto was Dave Ayres who is 42 years old and is the Zamboni driver for the Toronto Maple Leafs. And he had to dress and go on the ice.

This is his story!

The Hurricanes lost James Reimer with a lower-body injury in the first period, Petr Mrazek with an upper-body injury in the second period, Brett Pesce with a lower-body injury in the second period, and now have a 42-year-old zamboni driver in net on Hockey Night in Canada.

— Brett Finger (@brett_finger) February 23, 2020

Jaccob Slavin gets hit into James Reimer. Reimer is ruled out for the rest of the game with a lower-body injury. Needless to say, this is a potentially huge deal for the Hurricanes.

Overhead view: pic.twitter.com/3GZELPTV1m

— Brett Finger (@brett_finger) February 23, 2020

Petr Mrazek collides with Kyle Clifford. Mrazek charged way out of the net to play the puck. Clifford gets handed a five-minute major and a game misconduct. James Reimer got hurt in the first period and was ruled out for the game… pic.twitter.com/bFtGU0lTox

— Brett Finger (@brett_finger) February 23, 2020

Legend pic.twitter.com/O684okw2kU

— ??????? Кassie ? (10%) (@sad_ex_machina) February 23, 2020

Also, a kidney donor!

Ayres stands-in as goalie for the @TorontoMarlies (whose helmet he's wearing) and Leafs. 42 and a donor kidney recipient, so this is something of a Cinderella story!

— Ross Whiteford (@redheadednomad) February 23, 2020

Quick 2nd period recap:

Canes goal
Canes goal
Canes goal
Mrazek injured
42-year-old Dave Ayres enters as EBUG
Canes goal
Leafs goal
Leafs goal
EBUG makes save

— Carolina Hurricanes (@Canes) February 23, 2020

What a way to make a debut, Dave Ayres pic.twitter.com/1opzaBgR4t

— Carolina Hurricanes (@Canes) February 23, 2020

"I said to the boys – even after they scored that second goal – I said, let me get these jitters out of the way. In the third period I'll be ready to go."

My god, this David Ayres is just wonderful. And for the record, he stopped all 7 shots he saw in the third period.

— Brett Finger (@brett_finger) February 23, 2020

In the hallway before the beginning of the third period:

"For us

For Wally

For Ginner

For Davey"

— Michael Smith (@MSmithCanes) February 23, 2020

Other teams in the league tweeted out their support!

We're here for this.

— Arizona Coyotes (@ArizonaCoyotes) February 23, 2020

GO DAVE!!

— Tampa Bay Lightning (@TBLightning) February 23, 2020

DAVE!!! ❤️?

— LA Kings (@LAKings) February 23, 2020

And the Canes, with a playoff run on the line, were ecstatic about Dave’s performance!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!

— Carolina Hurricanes (@Canes) February 23, 2020

MIRACULOUS pic.twitter.com/EfPObX7V5G

— Carolina Hurricanes (@Canes) February 23, 2020

The man, the myth, the legend pic.twitter.com/qmhWXSavYj

— Carolina Hurricanes (@Canes) February 23, 2020

A moment he'll never forget pic.twitter.com/6tr03wNZ5N

— Carolina Hurricanes (@Canes) February 23, 2020

 

A memory we'll all have forever pic.twitter.com/LUxqs8o3Wr

— Carolina Hurricanes (@Canes) February 23, 2020

North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper weighed in.

How about we send him the N.C. flag that flew over the governor’s mansion today as a thank you gift. Kinda like you can do with the USA flags at the Capital building in DC. I think that would be awesome.

— steel4pens (@steel4penguins) February 23, 2020

Open thread!

The Miracle On Ice Part II: Emergency Backup Goalie and Zamboni Driver Dave Ayres For the Win!Post + Comments (42)

Guest Post: Adam Schiff, Profile in Courage

by Anne Laurie|  February 5, 202011:00 am| 65 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Guest Posts, Proud to Be A Democrat

BREAKING: Remember America? We do.#ImpeachmentDay pic.twitter.com/tzGPwX7zBG

— Eleven Films (@Eleven_Films) February 5, 2020

I didn’t have the strength, so commentor Zhena Gogolia generously bricolaged this tribute:

As recounted by Maxwell King in his biography of Mister Rogers (The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers, Abrams, 2018), when Rogers was young and saw upsetting things happening in the world, his mother would tell him, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

We are all too prone to easy cynicism: “The Republican majority in the Senate will never convict and remove Trump, so why should I pay any attention to the impeachment hearings or trial?” Well, I did pay attention, and what I saw was deeply inspiring and hopeful. Rep. Adam Schiff, Rep. Jerrold Nadler, and their Democratic colleagues, as well as the counsel for the Democrats on the House Intelligence and Judiciary Committees, Daniel Goldman and Barry Berke, did not get cynical, they did not give up or phone it in. They went to BATTLE for this country, day after day, and used everything in their arsenal: intelligence, hard work, and most of all, that unfashionable thing, patriotism. Despite the obstruction of the president and his allies, the Democrats proved Trump’s guilt so decisively that even the Republicans had to admit it. They were left with no fig leaf other than, “Yeah, he did it, but he’s giving us tax cuts so it’s okay.” They were left with no defense.

But although it was a team effort, it was Adam Schiff who carried the biggest burden, especially during the trial. He spoke for hours on end, often without looking at notes. (Compare Pam Bondi.)

Every time I tuned in, I expected to see him tired, or hoarse, or fuzzy. It never happened. Here are some highlights:

‘Give America a fair trial. She’s worth it,’ Schiff urges senators

 

 

Jefferson once said:

“I consider trial by jury as the only anchor yet imagined by man by which a government can be held to the principles of its Constitution.”

Remove that anchor, and we are adrift.

But if we hold fast, if we put our faith in the truth,

This storm will pass. pic.twitter.com/mh0Ju6ZHZK

— Adam Schiff (@RepAdamSchiff) January 31, 2020

Jennifer Rubin has summarized:

…Along the way, House managers stripped the bark off phony Republican hawks who could find nothing wrong with extorting an ally in a hot war with Russia; decapitated “constitutional conservatives” who have become defenders of autocracy; and showed off some of their brightest stars, including Democratic Reps. Adam B. Schiff (Calif.), Jason Crow (Colo.), Hakeem Jeffries (N.Y.) and Val Demings (Fla.).

History will treat them all well and take note that when truth and constitutional government were on the line they did their jobs in exemplary fashion. That is “winning” by any legitimate measure. And for that we can say, well done.

And I’ll let Jon Zal have the last word:

Excuse me, Mr. Schiff? You dropped this.

Goddamn American hero. pic.twitter.com/zFJvYaX4VL

— Jon Zal (@OfficialJonZal) January 30, 2020

Rep. Adam Schiff’s Closing Argument

Guest Post: Adam Schiff, Profile in CouragePost + Comments (65)

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