Dave Weigel at Slate has the text of Romney’s Liberty U commencement address up. Even by the generous feel-good commencement-address standard, it’s extremely pander-iffic:
Today, thanks to what you have gained here, you leave Liberty with conviction and confidence as your armor. You know what you believe. You know who you are. And you know Whom you will serve. Not all colleges instill that kind of confidence, but it will be among the most prized qualities from your education here. Moral certainty, clear standards, and a commitment to spiritual ideals will set you apart in a world that searches for meaning…
… and packed full of name-checks targeted for the audience: Chik-Fil-A founder Truett Cathy, Tea Party shill Dick Armey, “Dr. Falwell” (“deserves the tribute he would have treasured most, as a cheerful, confident champion for Christ”), Rick Santorum, Martin Luther King Jr. (no “Doctor” for that guy), Chuck Colson, yadda yadda yadda. Less waving the bloody shirt, more nursing the tiny paper-cuts of professional christianist victimhood.
Weigel, who is paid to do this, gamely attempts to gin up a horserace angle:
Mitt Romney’s commencement address at Liberty University offers a smorgasboard of shout-outs to Christians from every branch of the faith: Martin Luther King, Jr., C.S. Lewis, Billy Graham, William Wilberforce, Rick Santorum. It also, very gingerly, touches on Romney’s Mormonism without mentioning it by name… Fascinating that he jumps from Mormonism, which many graduates do not consider a legitimate faith, to Colson, an ex-con who was born again in prison…
Yeeaah… don’t think so. Sure, I can imagine Romney’s handlers telling him he has to tease the Talibangelicals with the gauzy hope of converting the missionary away from his cult. But apart from all normal human considerations (upbringing, habit, social / business ties) there is less than zero chance Willard “Mitt” Romney would ever abandon the church which assures him that he is not only a Latter-Day Saint but one of the most Elect of that elect bunch: a rich, white, straight man of impeccable pedigree. And goddess knows, I don’t mind Romney being King of the Mormons; I just wish he’d stop trying to buy or bully his way to a title as King of America.
MikeJ
Moral certainty is just about the worst thing you can get from an “education.”
Baud
@MikeJ:
I consider myself educated, and I’m morally certain that Romney is a douche.
General Stuck
They don’t hand out diplomas at Liberty U graduations. You get a dildo and wetsuit instead. With a dime bag of crack cocaine and a little rat meat.
MikeJ
@Baud: You could present evidence to me that Romney is not a douche, I would weigh it, and if it were persuasive, I would change my mind and agree that he is not a douche.
Liberty U grads have moral certainty that the world is 6000 years old and it doesn’t matter how much evidence they see, it’s a moral stand.
JGabriel
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Anne Laurie @ Top:
Is he though?
Rmoney is only worth a few hundred measly millions; Jon Huntsman Sr. is worth billions.
.
TFinSF
Since “whom” is in caps, can I assume one or both of the Koch boys have been sainted and I missed it?
delphi_ote
@General Stuck: Not only do they instill a narrow-minded, simplistic morality from the dark ages, they also supply their graduates with the necessary equipment to fuel the inevitable backslide into self-centered, licentious hypocrisy?!
Talk about one stop shopping!
BGinCHI
LIBERTY!
It’s like VICTORY!, but without knowing the outcome.
BGinCHI
@TFinSF: No, it’s the royal Whom.
Baud
@MikeJ:
I really can’t, but I get your point.
General Stuck
@delphi_ote:
Yup
Cacti
Had Romney not been interested in politics, I’m certain he would have ended up in a high position in the Mormon hierarchy.
Most of the Mormon apostles are from the church’s oldest families, and are related by blood or marriage.
Jeff Spender
I don’t really have any intelligent comments to add about this.
I can go, “PPPPPHHHHBBBBBBBTTTTT!!!”
JoyfulA
@Cacti: Didn’t Ezra Taft Benson go from Secretary of Agriculture to the highest role in LDS? Rmoney has plenty of time and the political assets to get to the top; patriarchs have to be 80 or so.
JGabriel
@Baud: LOL’d. Well-turned.
Origuy
Huntsman and Romney are fourth or fifth cousins, descended from Parley Pratt who became a Mormon back in 1830.
The Sailor
I was gonna say I’m stealing that, but I’ve already used it.
++++++++++++++++++
Actually, both. Inbred would a polite term.
when a Mor(m)on child cries “mommy, mommy, mommy” the child is confused, not repetitive.
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
He forgot to add, “Unlike me – I’ll be whoever today’s audience wants me to.”
Mark S.
You know what you believe. You haven’t been challenged about it for four years.
Bort
Greetings fundamentalist humans!
I too am uncomfortable with homosexuals and like Skippy peanut butter on white bread!
lonesomerobot
teleprompter alert!
i.huffpost.com/gen/603804/thumbs/r-MITT-ROMNEY-LIBERTY-UNIVERSITY-huge.jpg
Don’t tell the wingnuts it will challenge their grasp of reality even further.
Shawn in ShowMe
After Romney’s comments about “your armor” and knowing “Whom you will serve”, did Brother Ashcroft lead the congregation in a rousing rendtion of Onward Christian Soldiers? Where can I download the ringtone?
Mike in NC
Several years ago, before we moved from NoVA, my wife and I decided to take a road trip to explore the central part of the state. We spent a couple of days in and around Lynchburg, which is a fairly large old city spread out on the side of a mountain.
Apparently it had been in decline since the Great Depression. Downtown, it looked as if every other storefront was boarded up and the whole place was just decrepit and depressing, and we couldn’t wait to move on to see Appomattox.
The Wikipedia entry on Lynchburg says this:
So a fitting place for Failwell U!
HRA
@Tara the Antisocial Social Worker:
FTW
Winston Smith
Doubt is not the opposite of faith; certainty is.
Jesus spent the last few years of His life fighting people who were certain they were moral. His message: you can’t be certain, so you must always be aware of your mistakes and be ready to admit them and do better.
I know, I know, it’s a terrible shock and Mitt Romney and Jerry Fallwell could give Christians a bad name.
lacp
“…you leave Liberty with conviction and confidence as your armor. Me, all I got are these magic underpants. And half a billion dollars.”
General Stuck
Florida again proves itself to be the most fucked up state in the land. There are no words to describe how much this sucks.
Elisabeth
FWIW, Bryan Fischer tweeted that this speech didn’t do much to move Evangelicals. Guess he needs another “win” over Rmoney to move him.
SiubhanDuinne
@General Stuck:
I am … just speechless. TWENTYFUCKINGYEARS??
Suffern ACE
@SiubhanDuinne: Never been in trouble with the law before except to get a a restraining order. Were there other charges that could have been brought? It also seem that if I’m reading it right, her attorneys are mounting a new stand your ground defense now. Why wait til now?
gaz
This post is sort of hyperbolic dontcha think?
A few of obvious points:
1. Weigel is a douche. That much we know
2. Weigel’s piece is milquetoast at best.
I’m not seeing the “ginning up the horse-race” thing… Not here anyway. He basically offered a fairly neutral observation – and then posted the speech verbatim. Anne, you are one of my favorite front pagers here, but this is extremely weak sauce.
If you would have said “substance free, reposting of Romney’s speech” that would have been right on the mark. But then, it probably wouldn’t have even warranted a post from you on this subject.
It seems like maybe you’ve got a lot on your mind today, and you phoned it in. * shrug *
buskertype
This whole campaign is only going one place:
Romney undergoes a very public “conversion experience” and is born again in the Lord, most likely live on stage at one of Benny Hinn’s Miracle Crusades.
JPL
@General Stuck: She’s black and female and stand your ground was not meant for such citizens. How can you be surprised. It probably wasn’t meant for long hair hippies but fortunately if you vote for Mitt that won’t be allowed anyway.
The Moar You Know
@General Stuck: Gee…something is different about that case from the Trayvon Martin case.
I wonder what it could be?
JPL
@SiubhanDuinne: Have a wonderful trip but watch out for those who might want to convert you to the other side.
Suffern ACE
@The Moar You Know: She didn’t kill the victim so he could testify.
General Stuck
@JPL:
I cannot think of a way that a half way honest person can come away thinking anything other that precisely what you say above.
MikeJ
@Mike in NC: Was that where Buck v Bell (“Three generations of idiots is enough”) was?
Mike in NC
@buskertype:
Benny Hill’s Miracle Crusade might be a more apt comparison. Cue “Yakety Sax”.
JPL
@General Stuck: Well..duh…
The law was written for low testosterone white males who feel warm with a gun in their pocket. It’s sick..
also, too..I like the part where she was charged with domestic violence 4 months after .. Why not what other recourse does she have.
unfortunately, she didn’t just kill him.
RAM
Wow! Had no idea Weigel was a mindreader too! I know that bastard Colson said he was born again (along with a remarkably large load of other crap), but unless Weigel could actually look into the cesspool that was Colson’s brain, how can he know Colson really was born again? Can’t.
We really do need a better press–and blogging–corps.
buskertype
@efgoldman: Yeah, to really stay true to form he’d have to find a way to claim that he’s ALWAYS been a born again christian.
Shawn in ShowMe
@The Moar You Know:
Why does the justice system in Florida hate black people so much? If this was Mississippi or Alabama I wouldn’t be surprised but I don’t remember Florida being a center of Klan activity.
Yutsano
@efgoldman: I doubt it. Remember: Mormons regard themselves as Christians. His potential gain from such a move gets offset by him losing vast swarths of the West, and Willard can’t risk losing any more than what he has for sure things.
Which of course means he’s at least discussing it with his advisors.
arguingwithsignposts
@Yutsano: The whole dynamic of mormonism in this race is perhaps the most fascinating that won’t really get discussed by the national media.
JPL
One time a polling outfit for local office asked if I was born again and I said I hope not because my mom had a difficult time the first time. True story ,, They were polling for a man named Swindle who was running for office but fortunately ended up in jail instead.
GA politics are weird…
BillinGlendaleCA
@JPL: Happiness is a warm gun?
Yutsano
@efgoldman: She’d love to do the naughty nurse thing. Probably more than what is healthy. And after I get released my parents’ border collie is going to stick to me like glue, cuz that’s just how he rolls. Actually my mom is more nervous than I am. Which I think is in the mom job description. :)
@arguingwithsignposts: It’s fascinating. They want to tribalize Romney as much as possible but he has that weird religion thing that just keeps lurking under the surface. But if they admit it’s there it has to be discussed. And Willard doesn’t want that at all.
arguingwithsignposts
@Yutsano: I would really like an interview with “Christianity Today” or the like that would really delve into the Mormon question, because that would really blow this stuff out of the water. I doubt it would ever happen.
Good luck with your surgery, btw.
Yutsano
@arguingwithsignposts: Willard’s handlers have enough trouble keeping him from gaffing left and right as it is. I can’t see him touching a periodical like “Christianity Today” that would delve into his personal faith so much. He hates anything personal, and it shows.
Frankensteinbeck
@General Stuck:
I can’t. I’m tryin’, but massive racial (and possibly gender) prejudice is all I can come up with. There’s a lot unknown in both cases, but I can’t make that add up because what IS known is so night and day. The only thing I can imagine filling that gap is ‘Fuck the facts, I’m sending the nigger to jail.’
I am sad now. I must seek happier portions of the internet.
SoINeedAName48
Rmoney should have read the Liberty U. Course Catalog first. They directly label Mormonism as one of “the major Cults”:
andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/05/a-mormon-at-liberty-university.html
gaz
@Cacti:
FTFY
arguingwithsignposts
Anyone who doesn’t think evangelicals think mormonism is a cult is delusional. I’ve been in the belly of that beast, and they don’t consider mormon christian.
gaz
@Yutsano:
I haven’t seen much evidence of that.
As far as I can tell, Romney surrounds himself with “yes men” just like any entitled rich frat boy CEO would. They’re too busy kissing his ass to keep him in check.
Anne Laurie
@Yutsano: In case I don’t catch you elsewhere — good luck with your surgery, and let us know how you’re doing when you’re up to it!
(You’d be in my prayers, but only with your prior permission, of course.)
AxelFoley
@Mike in NC:
Man, you wouldn’t catch my black ass near any place called Lynchburg.
Mnemosyne
@arguingwithsignposts:
The Catholic Church doesn’t consider Mormons to be Christians, either — if you want to convert from LDS to Catholic, you have to be baptized by a Catholic priest, but people who convert from mainstream Christian churches (ie Lutheran, Baptist, Episcopalian, etc.) get to skip that step.
It’s been a sore spot between the two denominations for years. I’d be interested to see if American bishops will be pressuring Pope Ratzi for a change to that policy to boost Romney with their flocks.
Yutsano
@Anne Laurie: A prayer is just the Christian version of a spell. It is nothing more than imploring the forces of the Universe to listen to your plea. So please at the very least think positively for me. So far I’m holding out okay.
Darkrose
@Yutsano: Hope all goes well!
bob h
Republican politicians can’t go to mainstream, first tier universities, where only the Young Republicans would turn out and they would look ridiculous. They have to go to religious schools or military academies.
Villago Delenda Est
If there is a Hell, Charles Colson is roasting in it beside Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan.
Patricia Kayden
Wonder why the shout out for Dr. King. I am almost 100% positive that Liberty University students think King was nothing but a communist anti-White activist.
Zach
Colson, really? I get why he’s respected in the Evangelical community and whatnot, but it seems really insane for a candidate to embrace him like this. Isn’t this equivalent (or worse) to Obama going to whatever the most radically leftist campus is left today and praising Bill Ayers’ post-Weathermen career?
Gus
The last sentence of this post is absolutely delicious. Spot on post.
Retief
I’m no fan of Romney, but what is with the Mormon bashing? Mormonism teaches that there ain’t no rich folks in heaven, just like Jesus did.
licoi
i don’t k now the point.