He could be mistaken for a Wall Street banker. Or perhaps a hedge fund manager. Or even a managing director at a private equity firm, like Bain Capital.
Paul Ryan, with his clean-cut Brooks Brothers looks and wonky obsession with spreadsheets, could be just the archetype of a Wall Streeter.
CNN:
Whether you’re pleased or peeved by Mitt Romney’s pick for running mate, Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan, there’s no denying that the politician is a model of good health.
A former personal trainer, Ryan, who stands 6 feet, 2 inches, and weighs 163 pounds with 6%-8% body fat, works out like a warrior and leads fellow Hill staffers in daily morning sessions of the popular 90-day, body-sculpting program called P90X.
“I’m kind of a workout guy. I’ve always been into it. [Former Mich. Rep.] Bart Stupak and I lead [P90X classes] — there’s about a dozen of us that do it,” Ryan told Politico. “It works because it hits your body in many different ways: pull-ups, sit-ups, lots of cardio, karate, jump training, yoga. It pushes your body…and gets you out of your plateau.”
Overlooked, understandably, in Saturday’s analysis and news that Rep. Paul Ryan will be Mitt Romney’s vice presidential nominee was one mostly — but not entirely — unimportant aspect: Paul Ryan is kind of hot.
Upon hearing the news of Ryan’s nomination, TMZ was quick to declare Ryan “the hottest vice presidential candidate ever.”
The greatest irony of this election may be that one of the most anti-gay bigots in the House, Paul Ryan, who has been and will continue to be one of the most virulently anti-gay congressmen, will be the source of some of the biggest mancrush reporting we’ve ever seen. This stuff challenges even the thoroughly embarrassing David Brooks “Fifty Shades of Gay” reporting regarding John Thune that made us all hysterical, and you can bet your sweet ass we’ll be hearing this shit until we beat down these sociopathic Galtian douchebags on November 6th. This may be the gayest election ever (not that there is anything wrong with that), now that David Gregory and the rest of the lot have two full haired American beauties to dazzle them with their high cheekbones and lean bodies and to tell them they and the rest of the country will get the fiscal spanking they so clearly lust for and desire.
Shakespeare was wrong. The lawyers should go second.
amk
american idol moments indeed. dumbed down country with a dumbed down media.
Joseph Nobles
Shakespeare didn’t have a free press to deal with. His was licensed by the Crown or they didn’t print (the way it was supposed to work, anyway), so the suck-up factor was understandable and the anti-establishment rants the more shocking. Today we can write what we want, so the volunteerism is more nauseating.
/ShakespeareNeverWrong
trollhattan
“Hottest VP candidate evah”?!? Who’s forgetting LBJ?
Ripley
Leave my sweet ass out of this.
General Stuck
I think I read where the workout thing was largely result of early onset heart problems for the males in his family, some that ended up dying young. Like his pappy.
Joseph Nobles
OMG, did you just add the picture?
No treasure trail. Figures.
scav
Jesus, where are the barf bags on this blog?!!!
peej
He ain’t that hot to me (heterosexual female here). He has very creepy eyes…and that five o’clock shadow is a turnoff.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
He looks like an entitled yuppie douchebag? This is supposed to be a good thing?
Comrade Mary
FOR FUCK’S SAKE PUT THAT CONDOM STUFFED WITH WALNUTS UNDER THE FUCKING FOLD OR UNDER A LINK TO A DIFFERENT PAGE WITH A WARNING.
I may never lubricate again.
Spaghetti Lee
A former personal trainer, Ryan, who stands 6 feet, 2 inches, and weighs 163 pounds with 6%-8% body fat
If only they researched actual news as hard as they research crap like this.
General Stuck
Coulda done without that pic. jeebus.
El Cid
ew. koff. hak.
Elizabelle
Someone at CNN thinks Ryan “works out like a warrior”?
aimai
I agree with Spaghetti Lee…my jaw just hit the floor when I read the section on his body fat. Unless its in a sentence that includes “rendered down he produces…” I really don’t care about Paul Ryan’s body fat.
aimai
Steeplejack
No way is Ryan 6'2". He’s shorter than Romney, and Romney is supposed to be 6'2".
ETA: Eww on that picture. Just eww.
amk
@General Stuck: egg.sack.lee. Put up a tunch pic, you sicko mofo.
trollhattan
Can they dust off hot hockey mom again?
Ah, good times.
General Stuck
@Steeplejack:
I think Ryan’s wingnut halo maybe adds a few inches
MikeBoyScout
America! F*CK YEAH!
Spaghetti Lee
Scene: DAVID BROOKS, RICHARD COHEN, and MARK HALPERIN are playing Truth or Dare at a sleepover.
David: OMG, OMG, my turn! My turn! Uh, Truth!
Richard: OK, David, do you think Paul Ryan is…cute?
David: Omigaw! Paul Ryan?! He is like, the most adorable guy e-ver. Sometimes I write ‘Mrs. David Ryan” in my math notebook just to see what it looks like!
Mark: OK, like one time, I was on my way to English class? And I passed Paul in the hallway, and, he looked at me! Oh my god, right at me!
Richard: And now he’s, like, going to be Vice President. So adorable! Hey Mark, it’s your turn.
Mark: Dare.
David: I dare you to go ding-dong-ditch at Mr. Obama’s house!
Steeplejack
@General Stuck:
Point taken.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
As a straight female, I demand brain bleach. To be followed by replacement pictures of Lily, Rosie, and Tunch.
I’d leave any room Ryan was in, and I’m a pretty fair judge of who’s a bad guy, no matter how civilized they may look on the surface.
different-church-lady
Well, my goodness, that ought to just seal the deal with today’s financially stressed middle class voter then!
different-church-lady
@Comrade Mary: So the homoerotic thing don’t do it for you, eh?
mai naem
Oh, so Paul Ryan was nominated for the Log Cabin Wing of the Republican Party. I get it now. I think. Kinda like how McCain nominated Princess BackwoodNorthwoods to get the Female Moose Hunter Wing of the Republican party. And ofcourse this is very good news for John McCain and his bff Lindsey Graham.
Waynski
I’m not gay, but I’m guessing that picture would look better with Barney Frank’s picture photo-shopped on it.
Steeplejack
With the emphasis on the candidates’ buffness, I guess they’ll be working this in as a campaign song.
(Right Said Fred rejected for being too [overtly] gay.)
NotMax
If the lusting pundits, Villagers and hangers-on have any say in it, we may see the first ever V.P. debate that includes a swimsuit competition and a posedown.
Using only American-made posing oil, it should go without saying.
Flex, baby, flex.
danielx
:::Channeling Karl Rove:::
Mmmm-hmmm. Work with me here for just a minute, Romney campaign guys. Did you guys ever think that Wall Street just might not be flavor of the decade with voters? Perhaps a different VP candidate? It’s not like the guy is going to have to do much anyway, there’s no replacing Cheney. He knew where too many bodies were buried.
So you know, somebody who projects a little more warmth than Rictus Romney? No? Maybe try coming up with some press that shows this guy Ryan’s concern for the voters who would be affected by his Plan? Oh, he doesn’t have any such concerns?…right.
You need to bring some human warmth to your ticket, and I can’t decide which of these guys is Dr. Jekyll and which one is Mr. Hyde. Okay, who was responsible for picking this asshole Ryan, anyway?
Really? You don’t say.
different-church-lady
@peej:
The eyes themselves are quite nice. It’s the stuff around them that’s… a bit problematic, shall we say.
15 years from now he’s gonna look a lot like a certain withdrawn nominee for the supreme court.
The Dangerman
Our side will be busy beating down while their side is busy beating off; we’ll all need showers when this shit is over.
ETA: Can we get a Ryan double and a Palin double to star in a Porn Flick?
Ash Can
Mark Kirk was a model of good health too. Just sayin’.
hoosierspud
@peej: Same here. I don’t understand why anyone who looks that much like Eddie Munster can be considered attractive.
Spaghetti Lee
@NotMax:
we may see the first ever V.P. debate that includes a swimsuit competition and a posedown.
Sheesh, as if Joe Biden wasn’t already going to win.
RaflW
Barack Obama plays some mean basketball and showed his abs on the beach in Hawaii, but since he’s blah none of the beltway dudes get that tingle in their leg. Too bad, I guess they’re only into white-on-white action.
Hill Dweller
The man-crushes are predictable, but by far the most annoying thing for me is the repeated referrals to Ryan being some sort of serious policy wonk. He’s not. In fact, Ryan is a complete fraud.
Mike in NC
All of whom need to be stood against a wall and shot.
PanurgeATL
Just to add: Has anyone noticed that one thing BOTH SIDES DO is just assume as given the conservative idea of what makes “good hair”?
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
He looks like a frat boy rapist with those creepy eyes and smarmy grin.
Hypatia's Momma
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
Hmmmm.
Stranded Northerner
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
That was my gut reaction when I saw this picture, too.
Waynski
I might be late on this, but apparently Obama’s responsible for the drought
John PM
If he is 6′ 2″ and only 163 pounds then I think he has an eating disorder.
Also, saying that Ryan is a policy wonk is like saying that Starlin Castro is a power hitter for the Cubs; it is true only in comparison to the rest of a very sucky team.
Thoughtcrime
Geeeez MSM….get a room!
Villago Delenda Est
The current crop of Pundits would swoon over Ted Bundy.
Someone earlier said that our media figures are not journalists, they’re character actors playing journalists. That’s pretty much the thing…the “talent” must be good looking. So naturally, their assessment of politicans reflects the shallowness of their own situations.
SatanicPanic
@The Dangerman:
Wasn’t there already a Saving Ryan’s Privates?
Villago Delenda Est
@Mike in NC:
And that’s the humane bleeding heart approach to dealing with them.
demz taters
I really hate to go there but I immediately thought of the celebration of buff young boys in “Triumph of the Will.”
Villago Delenda Est
@demz taters:
Mitt’s Mormon straphangers fit that archetype to a tee.
asiangrrlMN
I have done a highly official Twitter poll asking mah lay-dees if they thought Paul Ryan was hot or not. I added that I found him personally repulsive. The response was a resounded, “Oh, HELL NO!” Not one person found him even mildly attractive. So, yeah, the Villagers can keep the thrills up their legs to themselves.
handy
@asiangrrlMN:
He’s a grown-up Eddie Munster.
Gozer
“Works out like a warrior”?
Pffft. I bet my former batt. CSM could beat the pants off that chump in the fitness department.
Mino
BFF with Bart Stupak. I might have known.
Both Sides Do It
“It’s currently illegal for hospitals to refuse to treat emergency cases who can’t afford to pay
. . . but I think I see a lot of lawbreakers.”
Josh G.
Ever since Paul Ryan first became a national political figure after the 2010 elections, I haven’t been able to avoid thinking of Victor from Dollhouse whenever I see a picture of him. The resemblance is uncanny.
Narcissus
I wish I knew how to make animated .gifs. This thread needs a dancing David Gregory.
Anne Laurie
@demz taters:
At the Tampa convention, I fully expect a group singalong of “Tomorrow Belongs to Me“.
Kristine
There’s “good-looking,” and “good-looking for Washington.” Hollywood for ugly people, remember. The bar, it is low.
John N
“This may be the gayest election ever (not that there is anything wrong with that), now that David Gregory and the rest of the lot have two full haired American beauties to dazzle them with their high cheekbones and lean bodies and to tell them they and the rest of the country will get the fiscal spanking they so clearly lust for and desire.”
I think this really says it all. Someone should build a statue commemorating this sentence.
The prophet Nostradumbass
YOU MONSTER.
redshirt
American Idol, FOR REALZ!
Calouste
@asiangrrlMN:
I’ve posted this before:
Paul Ryan is an ugly man’s idea of what an attractive man looks like.
(inspired by Krugthulu, blessed be his bearded tentacles)
The Republic of Stupidity
I just threw up in my mouth…
That was the most nauseating load of tripe I’ve crossed paths w/ since that Sunday several years back when I was channel hopping and happened upon John McLaughlin and Pat Buchanan giggling like giddy school girls over the hawtness that was Scott Brown as he ran for Ted Kennedy’s old seat in Mass…
For folks that profess to hate teh gay w/ such a passion…
Joey Maloney
@The Dangerman:
Only if it includes an extended pegging sequence.
Kathleen
@Narcissus: Or a “Fluffy” Dave (h/t Driftglass) in workout gear doing aerobics class led by Congressman Leg Tingle.
arguingwithsignposts
@John N:
By the standards of American elections, maybe, but I don’t see any feather boas or Village People outfits in a debate.
Matt McIrvin
I’ve read some of the stuff on the other side.
They think we’re terrified of Ryan and our reaction is all whistling past the graveyard. That in our hearts, we know this is the coup de grace and Obama is going down. Honest for true.
arguingwithsignposts
@Matt McIrvin: I often wonder what color the sky is in that world.
Applejinx
The funny thing about beefcake shots like that photoshop epic up there is, the models are probably jacked on bizarre diet tricks like starvation and sugar loading to the point that they can barely stand and are in a daze, sometimes in danger of dropping dead from how badly their bodies are being tweaked by their insane priorities.
http://www.functionalps.com/blog/2011/03/04/you-too-can%E2%80%99t-have-a-body-like-this/
So, exactly like the Republican platform, then? It’s a match made in heaven! Or somewhere else beginning with ‘HE’.
kay
@Matt McIrvin:
They thought we were afraid of Sarah Palin, too.
These people don’t even look like they tell us they look. I saw Sarah Palin early in her campaign and she looked thin and nervous and exhausted. Her face was like a mask she was so tense and ill at ease.
I had this picture of her as some kind of strong outdoorswoman just brimming with health. She looked tiny and hunted and unhappy.
I’ll have to verify Ryan’s height when he’s standing next to someone. I don’t think even their physical descriptions are accurate.
Linda
I think the crushy articles are a given for the first 3-4 days, like the swooney ones about Sarah Palin. But that won’t last. You’ll get more articles like this one. The American people will not get the same crush that the press corps has.
Matt McIrvin
Lest we forget, Palin-mania (combined with the usual convention bounce) actually gave McCain a significant boost in the polls. He looked like a contender, really for the only time in the whole general-election campaign, and I do remember Democrats seriously freaking out.
For about two weeks.
This time, the Democratic convention goes second, which will help. And Ryan doesn’t seem to be getting the level of interest that Palin initially did. But I would not be surprised by some actual, very temporary OH MY GOD THEY LOVE RYAN panic.
kay
There really is something to the conservative-media focus on appearance.
It’s not just “gay” either, because they swooned over Palin’s looks. They all thought women would love Dan Quayle and the one and only reason they were afraid of John Edwards in 2004 was because they thought he was handsome.
I’m still not sure how tall former President Bush is, it doesn’t matter, really, but Obama is either 2 inches taller
than he claims or Bush is 2 inches shorter than HE claimed.
Lurking Canadian
@John PM: This. I actually was 6’2″ and 160 during my third year as an undergraduate. I did not look like the dude in that picture. I looked like a concentration camp inmate.
One of those two numbers is not accurate.
chopper
my first thought here is American Psycho. if he starts talking on the stump about Huey Lewis and the News, run away as fast as you can.
Emma
Shakespeare was wrong. The lawyers should go second.
Agreed.
However, I must point out that getting that picture in my monitor first thing in the morning made my stomach want to reject my bagel.
The Other Bob
Obama would kick his ass in basketball. Who cares about P90X.
Bulworth
I’m just thankful that the Ryan pick will finally allow our media to do what they so much want to do, which is conduct a policy-specific campaign with lots of policy details and upstanding debate, without all this personal attacks stuff and attention to personal issues and things. //
McJulie
@Matt McIrvin: I do remember that. It was worrisome, and I keep telling myself it’s the same thing. The problem is that Palin showed herself to be a blithering idiot so consistently that the gloss wore off rather quickly. I’m worried this time because Ryan is a different kind of idiot — the kind who doesn’t blither and therefore is more effective at passing himself off as a smart person.
Ryan and Romney are both very much like Palin in this respect: only attractive in still photographs. The instant I hear their voices or see clips of them in motion, the fundamental interior ugliness and vacuity takes over.
McJulie
@kay: They are stuck forever in 1960, when popular wisdom held that Kennedy defeated Nixon largely on looks, thanks to the newly televised status of the presidential debates.
Deb T
Well of course, Obama is very hot, with the added benefit of being ‘warm’,even if he’s going a little gray. Clinton was pretty sexy but folks who only recognize surface beauty couldn’t see that.
None of the Bushes were sexy – George I-too nasal and stiff (not in a good way) and George II – too goofy. Mitt is only good looking in the way department store mannequins are sexy. Ryan’s got pretty blue eyes, but they are in that Zombie eyed face of his. He always reminds me of a drawing by one of the German Expressionists — maybe Egon Schiele???
asiangrrlMN
@Calouste: If I squint I can kinda see, yeah, no. HE HAS DEAD EYES!
Triassic Sands
Yeah, and Wall Streeters are so popular these days.