Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Come on, man.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

You are here: Home / Humorous / Barack Obama is Sick of Your Shit: This is Brilliant

Barack Obama is Sick of Your Shit: This is Brilliant

by | 84 Comments

This post is in: 

I so needed this link today:

3 years ago, I made an awesome discovery: the audiobook version of Barack Obama’s Dreams From My Father.

The main draw of the audiobook is that it’s actually narrated by Obama. It’s interesting to hear him imitate the voices of some of the people that have been important in his life. Like Ray, for example.

Ray, a former high school classmate, was savvy and streetwise, with a new take on black culture and white America. Best of all, Ray had an extremely colorful manner of self-expression. In other words, he cursed. A lot.

That means the President curses. A lot.

In fact you’re about to hear the POTUS swear like a motherfucker.

You have to click through and listen to the ringtones. My favorite, obvs, is: “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.”

I love it.

You’re welcome.

[via Regretsy]

[cross-posted at ABLC]

Reader Interactions

84Comments

  4. 4.

    Warren Terra

    I’m sorry, you’re wrong. The correct favorite is “Shit’s getting way too complicate for me”

    By the way, you can save them and use them as you wish if you right-click on them and “save link as”

  5. 5.

    Triumph

    …you guys realize this shit is about to be up on Drudge taken way out of context, right? Sorry to be Debbie Downer on what’s otherwise absolutely hilarious.

  6. 6.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.”

    Countdown to “It’s the whitey tape”…10…

  9. 9.

    aimai

    I love all of them. I already use The President singing Al Green for Mr. Aimai’s ringtone. I wonder who I can use for “shits gettin’ waaaay to complicated for me.”

    aimai

  11. 11.

    Shawn in ShowMe

    Ray, a former high school classmate, was savvy and streetwise, with a new take on black culture and white America. Best of all, Ray had an extremely colorful manner of self-expression. In other words, he cursed. A lot.
    —-
    That means the President curses. A lot.

    Not necessarily. If everybody on Balloon Juice cursed like their homeboys, every other post here would be X-rated.

  12. 12.

    Hill Dweller

    @Triumph: Obama’s audio book has been out for years, and a lot of these clips were floating around during ’08.

    I’d love to see wingnuts try to make an issue of this. IMO, the clips are hilarious, and wouldn’t hurt the President at all.

  14. 14.

    hep kitty

    Thanks for posting this. I’ve heard snippets here and there in the past. Can’t wait to get home and listen to these. Surprised the Romney camp hasn’t done a campaign ad yet splicing together naughty words and stuff about white people.

    “The Real Obama!”

  16. 16.

    quannlace

    Now, if only that had been part of that drek ‘2016: Obama’s America.” the film might have had some entertainment vaule.

  18. 18.

    Culture of Truth

    NY Post Ad claims President Obama’s biological father is not Barack Hussein Obama Sr., but rather poet and labor activist Frank Marshall Davis. Or as the ad puts it, “Communist Party Propagandist Frank Marshall Davis.”

  20. 20.

    Emma

    Can I just squeal like a fangirl? The dude is amazing. Sings. Records his own book. Loves his wife. Leads the free world. Kicks republican arse.

  21. 21.

    Cassidy

    part of that drek ‘2016: Obama’s America.”

    Heh…we went to a movie alst weekend and a bunch of people passed as going to a theater. When i noticed the title I started groaning and laughing. When my wife asked why I told her it was the 2016 movie and i can’t belive all these knuckleheads passing us by and they should be ashemed of themselves…as more were passing by. The looks were priceless.

  23. 23.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist and Fact Checker

    “Now, you know that guy ain’t shit.. sorry ass motherfucker got nothin’ on me, right? Nothin’!”

    How did they get into a campaign discussion about Romney? Was Plouffe wearing a wire?

    (you think Sasha and Malia are giggling about this?)

  24. 24.

    Calouste

    OT, although vaguely related to “shit’s gettin’ waaaay too complicated for me.”:

    Quoting fact checkers will now get you banned from redstate.

  25. 25.

    JasonF

    @Shawn in ShowMe: It’s not that people are assuming that because Ray curses, Obama must curse too. It’s that Obama includes some of Ray’s dialogue in his book, and since Obama reads the book you get a lot of hilarious instances of Obama saying things like “You ain’t my b****, n****** — buy your own damn fries!” (which was Ray’s response to a girl trying to eat some of his french fries).

    I first heard these clips four years ago, give or take, and they never stop being funny. I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

  27. 27.

    Culture of Truth

    Obama is indeed amazing.

    Also, Bill Clinton has somehow gotten both Obama and Romney, in the middle of campaign season, to come to his CGI event. That is really impressive.

    I wonder what Obama will do post-WH. Perhaps record audio books, kick ass, save the world.

  28. 28.

    Liberty60

    I would love to have a rip in the space-time contiuum and see a conversation between LBJ and Obama over the health care/Medicare debate.

    Same GOP mutherfuckers pullin’ the same shiite decades apart.

  30. 30.

    Shawn in ShowMe

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    He would just have Ann do those parts. She’s the tough guy in that family.

  31. 31.

    ? Martin

    “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.”

    Oh, if only we could auto program every phone in the country to play that when the Romney campaign calls.

  32. 32.

    Davis X. Machina

    LBJ, I am sure, would make Obama, or even Obama’s Ray, sound like the Church Lady.

    The arm’s-length versions that come through things like Caro’s biography alone are suggestive of great talent and expertise in this field.

  33. 33.

    Gemina13

    Oh, damn. This is gooooooood. :D

    And what is with modern America’s squeamishness about swearing? There’s nothing lazy about swearing. Profanity’s as old as language itself. The Greeks and Romans made it part of poetry (try reading Catullus in the original Latin, and tell me you could bowdlerize him while still keeping the sheer lyricism of his verse). It’s necessary for expression, because sometimes “gosh,” “darn” and “screw it” don’t cut it. It’s namby-pamby. It’s balder and dash. In short, it’s bullshit.

    Now I’ve got to go get that audiobook. :D

  42. 42.

    Spike

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    I’m struggling to imagine something duller and more anodyne than Mitt Romney reading from his own memoir. Maybe a turkey sandwich on Wonder bread, with fat-free mayo.

  43. 43.

    FlipYrWhig

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    To Mitt Romney, Ned Flanders is obscenity-prone.

  44. 44.

    Liberty60

    @Spike:
    Mitt needs David Lynch to make his commercials. Who else can grasp the gestalt of Mitt’s white picket fence nightmare?

    Hell no, it wouldn’t win him the election, but it sure would liven things up.

  45. 45.

    different-church-lady

    The real nugget of gold there is clicking through to something else and seeing the phrase “turducken of the damned” used for the first time in human history.

  46. 46.

    Culture of Truth

    BARACK OBAMA, AMATEUR

    Shanksville, Pa. (AP) Vice President Joe Biden used some salty language to invite Pennsylvania firefighters to the White House.

    Biden visited the Shanksville Volunteer Fire Department after attending a memorial service in the Pennsylvania town where one of four planes hijacked on Sept. 11, 2001, crashed.

    Biden promised to have an aide call the deputy fire chief to set up a visit to the White House for the department, using strong language to indicate he wasn’t kidding.

    After noticing that reporters were listening, Biden cleaned up his language by replacing the foul word with “malarkey.”

    Said Biden: “This is no malarkey. You come to the White House. I’ll buy you a beer.”

  51. 51.

    Roger Moore

    @JasonF:

    I only wish Mitt Romney had an obscenity-prone childhood friend in his audiobook memoirs.

    “I’m running for office for Pete’s sake, I can’t have profanity in my memoirs!”

  54. 54.

    Dork

    After noticing that reporters were listening, Biden cleaned up his language by replacing the foul word with “malarkey.”

    “Malarkey”? Really, that’s what he’s going with? Whiskey Tango Fuckinhell does it even mean?

    Sometimes, a swear word moment demands a swear word.

  57. 57.

    Culture of Truth

    @Dork: My impression is Biden did say “this is no bullshit” but then changed to malarkey when he saw reporter jotting his statement down.

  58. 58.

    flukebucket

    @aimai:

    I already use The President singing Al Green for Mr. Aimai’s ringtone.

    I use it for Mrs. Flukebucket’s ringtone too. That way when she calls I get to hear from my favorite woman and my favorite man at the same time.

  59. 59.

    Culture of Truth

    @Face: In my head I have Phil Hartman as Sinatra telling Chris Rock as a guy from 2 Live Crew “YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORK BLUE!!”

  65. 65.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    OT: Redstate is fully on board with the “We don’t need no stinking facts” campaign of Mitty/Shitty 2012. Here’s the headline announcement from them:

    Quote a FactChecker Earn a Ban

    At least they’re honest about not having to be honest!

  66. 66.

    Darkrose

    My happy place is now imagining Obama turning to Romney in a debate and saying, “Now, Mitt, there are white folks… and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you.”

  68. 68.

    MikeJ

    @Odie Hugh Manatee: And what’s hilarious is what was the last straw: Kessler. He had the nerve to point out that Ryan voted for the deal with defense sequestration.

    And he still ends with, “As this is a tour through the budgetary weeds, we are not going to award Pinocchios here. ” Bending over backwards for Ryan and it’s still not enough to make him look good.

  70. 70.

    LanceThruster

    @Dennis SGMM:

    I could see the Romdroid using…say “H-E-double hockey sticks.” When I was growing up, I was always amused by the LDS mother across the street who would yell at her kids, “DAD-GUMMIT!”

    I wondered, why is it acceptable to approximate “goddamit!”?

    If you want to say goddamit, say goddamit. It’s like saying “poopy” when you mean “shit.”

  72. 72.

    AxelFoley

    @Culture of Truth:

    Bill Cosby would not approve. You don’t have to work blue!

    Eddie Murphy: Richard said, “The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, “Suck *my* dick.” I don’t give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Do you get paid?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Well, tell Bill I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Jello pudding-eating motherfucker.”

  74. 74.

    Mnemosyne

    @LanceThruster:

    When we were kids, my dad’s attempt at a substitute swear word was, “God … bless … America!”

    I think he gave up trying to use alternate phrases by the time I was about 12 or so and just let ‘er rip after that.

  77. 77.

    Fort Geek

    How awesome would it have been, at that one speech…

    “You lie!”

    [pause for a beat]
    “There are white folks… and then there are stupid ass motherfuckers like you.” [turns back to face rest of room] “You know that guy ain’t shit. Sorry-ass motherfucker ain’t got nothing on me.” [resumes speech]

  84. 84.

    The Golux

    @Jeffraham Prestonian: In Firefox, right-click on the page, then click “View page source”. In the window that comes up, search for “mp3”. On each of the five, right-click and select “Copy Link Location”, then paste it into the address bar.

    Aw, the hell with it – here’s the first one:

    http://static.regretsy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/OBAMA_IGNORANT.mp3

    The others are the same except for the last bit:

    OBAMA_NUMBER.mp3
    OBAMA_THAT_GUY.mp3
    OBAMA_COMPLICATED.mp3
    OBAMA_FRIES.mp3

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