Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

The willow is too close to the house.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

If you are still in the GOP, you are an extremist.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

You are here: Home / Serious Question

Reader Interactions

106Comments

  11. 11.

    Baud

    If you had said this

    John +2 and only wearing a wet t-shirt

    I would have forgiven you for the slow servers.

  12. 12.

    Pooh

    @Eric S: I’m just saying, I wonder if the bottles were really “just sitting” on the counter, or if kitteh haz been shopping.

  13. 13.

    Corner Stone

    I disagree. I think Obama executed his debate strategy very well and made..sure to…
    Oh, wait.

  15. 15.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    @redshirt:

    Carbonation is of the Devil, I say!

    When I was drinking I always regarded mixed drinks as the Devil’s Vise Grips. Take it straight and pass out like a man. Of course, that may be why I finally gave it up.

  20. 20.

    PsiFighter37

    It’s been a long time since Cole posted with a +(drink number). Welcome back, old friend.

    Also, too, wet t-shirt pics FTW. Just sayin’.

  21. 21.

    Corner Stone

    @Spatula: And a hearty racist to you good sir! We’re having beautiful weather in the Greater Houston Metrosexual Area.

  30. 30.

    RedKitten

    @Yutsano: Pretty good. I’m feeling well (other than this awful cold right now). ‘Tis frustrating being on such a limited diet, though. I have glucose intolerance, which seems to be rapidly transitioning to full-blown gestational diabetes. So not only do I have to avoid all the regular stuff that pregnant women have to avoid, but I also have to basically eat like I’m on Atkins. I’m French, for fuck’s sake! I need bread!

    But that’s the only frustration. Other than that, everything is peachy, and SiblingKitten is happily thumping away in my belly as we speak.

  31. 31.

    abo gato

    John, would you like some home made, craft tonic? I’ve been making it lately and let me tell you, it will kick your ass with the taste. It is not carbonated, so you add a tablespoon or so of the craft tonic, you then add club soda. I use one of those Soda Stream things to make carbonated water and it is really, really good.

    If you want some, send me an email and I will send you a bottle.

  32. 32.

    BigG

    This always happens to me too, so I couldn’t resist trying to
    look this up. Also, I’ve noticed that bubbles continue nucleating long after the initial opening, compared to other carbonated beverages. Sounds like they just pack an extra amount of gas in it.

    http://www.ehow.com/how_7745465_open-bottle-tonic-overflow.html

    I’m trying to understand bubbles, which some say is my excuse to make gin and tonics for observation purposes.

  35. 35.

    BGinCHI

    @abo gato: Um, can you hook some other brothers up?

    I’d be really curious how you make it. I’ve been close to making bitters lately but I didn’t think of tonic.

  37. 37.

    Violet

    @Spatula: That’s a great portrait. He looks so young!

    Why do bottles of tonic water always explode when you open them,

    Because tonic water is the best mixer in the world and it can’t wait to jump into that glass so you can have a gin and tonic, the best drink in the world.

  38. 38.

    redshirt

    I can’t burp. I’ve burped maybe 6 times my entire life (that I can recall – perhaps my baby years were different), and each was a miraculous accident.

    And so, I mean it: Carbonation is of the Devil. I swell up, ready to explode.

    One of the reasons I gave up soda many many years ago.

  42. 42.

    WereBear

    Are you impatient opening the tonic bottle, n’est–ce pas?

    You have to crack the seal and then close it up again while the bubbles throw a tantrum, then slooooooooowly open it for reals.

  43. 43.

    TOP123

    Answer: What Cervantes said @1

    Personal Recommendation: Q Tonic–fine carbonation, natural quinine, and agave instead of sugar. Brilliant. Very addictive. Or maybe that’s the gin.

    Personal Request: What BGinCHI said @35! Details, abo gato, please!

  47. 47.

    Anoniminous

    New non-alcoholic drink of choice in the Anoniminous household:

    1. Fill a glass half full of club soda
    2. Put 8 to 10 dashes of bitters, we tend to put angostura but cherry, orange, and lemon work too
    3. Fill glass with as much ice as possible
    4. Top off with more club soda

  51. 51.

    Violet

    @TOP123: Can’t do agave except in very small doses. I prefer real sugar. If not that, then maple syrup or honey. Anything else upsets my stomach.

  52. 52.

    RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    Why do bottles of tonic water always explode when you open them, even when they have been sitting for three days?

    Because they hate our freedoms. And they hate our way of life.

  54. 54.

    SRW1

    My guess would be that it’s the +2. At least if that condition applied while opening the tonic bottle.

  55. 55.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    John, did it happen in slow motion causing your surprised look to turn to pleasure as you splashed the remainder all over your ample chest, while the Cars loudly rocked the place and your friends circled you and began dancing frenetically?

    That always happens to me when I’m drinking tonic water.

  56. 56.

    RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    I don’t generally like carbonated drinks. If they’re too fizzy I slosh them until the bubbles dissipate.
    When I was in Mexico I got ‘surprised’ by several Cokes. This was safe to drink so I ordered it in the bottle. Very explosively fizzy. Now that I think of it Mexico City’s elevation might have had something to do with it. Anyway, it washed out.

  57. 57.

    Old Dan and Little Ann

    Rachel Maddow is doing a fucking killer segment of all first debates of incumbent presidents getting creamed since 1976. Good times. And I still don’t think Obama did all that bad last night.

  60. 60.

    TOP123

    @scav: Oh, Amen! I’m in, though my best drink recipe is for a Martini… and it’s pretty simple! ;)

    @BGinCHI: gulp, don’t I know it. Their point on the package is valid though; why put shite tonic with your expensive gin? Still, it’s a pricey habit…

    @Violet: haven’t heard about that. I have no feelings about agave one way or the other, but the nice thing is this tonic is not at all sweet. That’s the key point for me. Wonder if one could make a cane sugar version. I feel like maple syrup would be too intense. Have you tried Fever Tree? Sweeter than Q, but a good tonic with noticeable quinine bitterness, and made with cane sugar, I believe according to the empty bottle right here in my recycling pile. Slightly less ridiculously expensive than Q, as well.

  61. 61.

    trollhattan

    @abo gato:
    Ooh, me likie concept.

    For barmanship cred, I planted a lime tree specifically for G&T season. Tree now produces like crazy, but the fruit isn’t usable until August, months into G&T season. Darn you, nature! [shakes fist]

    Trader Joes sometimes stocks oddball and delicious tonic. For awhile they carried a brand from New Zealand, doesn’t get much more obscure than that.

  62. 62.

    virginia

    The Kipling anti-malarial effect, John Cole. Quinine, baby. Blew it out then, blows it now.

    Much as you should be doing this election season.

    Where on earth are you?

  64. 64.

    RedKitten

    @Yutsano: Oh yes. We will definitely be hitting the Tim Horton’s drive-through on our way home from the hospital, to pick up a bunch of donuts and chocolate croissants. All washed down with a ginormous glass of milk (another thing I’ve had to cut down due to all the sugar in it.)

  65. 65.

    Concerned Citizen

    I would like an expose on Spatula. I read this site, but not closely enough. I am reading accusations of him being an asshole (back to the Dead portrait post from Cole, and this post) and he calls someone a racist for no reason.

    Why is this? Anyone got good past links to catch up?

    Spatula, the art is great, but you’ll get more bees with honey than by being a dick.

  66. 66.

    SRW1

    It’s a bit like a dog you inadvertently lock out: if the CO2 has to spend a long time with nothing but water, it just can’t contain itself when the ordeal finally comes to an end.

  72. 72.

    Yutsano

    @RedKitten: WOO-HOO!! Yay Timmy’s! I wonder what kind of looks I’d get from the border guards if I said my rerason for visiting Vancouver was a Timmy’s run.

  74. 74.

    BGinCHI

    @trollhattan: Wow. I’ll check next time I’m there.

    Costco here carries cases of the Mexican Coke I mentioned above. We don’t drink much soda, but in summer after exercise it’s damn nice.

  75. 75.

    TOP123

    @BGinCHI: Seconded… and in Atlanta you can sample them all!

    Still have the bottle from a Coke Olympics edition that I bought in Japan; the series had the flags of various participating nations on it–in this case, North Korea…

  76. 76.

    eemom

    Club soda does it too.

    Also too, is it SUNDAY already? (Yes I AM going to say that on every one of the eleventy billion posts Cole posterates between now and Sunday, after promising that he’ll be too busy making potato salad for the entire population of West Virginia to talk to us until then.)

  80. 80.

    TOP123

    @BGinCHI: I’ve seen, never had, I’m ashamed to admit. Will correct that as soon as possible.

    I certainly hope you’ve had the great Moxie?

  82. 82.

    ranchandsyrup

    @BGinCHI: I have a jarrito a day and no other soda. Today, mandarin orange. Glad they’re easy to find these days. Occasionally one “Mexican” coke. That’s how they advertise them here.

  85. 85.

    22over7

    Not only does it asplode all over the damn place, it also loses its fizz within a nanosecond upon opening. Too bad I love the gin and tonic so much.

    How come Cole, the depressed misanthrope, always seems to be having more fun than anyone I know?

  87. 87.

    Central Planning

    @Violet: Mmmm. Maple syrup…. We’ve tapped a couple of the maple trees in our yard. I would say each year we get close to a gallon of syrup after boiling it down, either on the stove or on the gas grill outside (connected to the house natural gas).

    Homemade maple syrup tastes better than any other kind of maple syrup.

  88. 88.

    Central Planning

    @TOP123:

    Still have the bottle from a Coke Olympics edition that I bought in Japan; the series had the flags of various participating nations on it—in this case, North Korea…

    Anyone else think the North Korean flag looks like the Pepsi logo?

  89. 89.

    Yutsano

    @BGinCHI:Jarritos are da shiznit. It’s one of the advantages of living in an ag state.

    @RedKitten: I’ve been interviewed by Canadian border guards before. I actually made the guy laugh cause I was so not a threat.

  90. 90.

    TOP123

    @Central Planning: Try this–first had sitting with my brother in the sugar house on his farm on a chilly evening watching the sap boil over the arc and stoking the fire: take Ball jars, reasonably clean. Pour with one measure (however measured is up to you) good whisk(e)y. Top with ladle of syrup just off the boil. Enjoy.

  92. 92.

    jiminpdx

    Simple solution: twist the cap slowly until the seal breaks and let the pressure release. There’ll be some fizz but not explosive. When the fizz subsides, finish twisting off the cap. Cheers!

  100. 100.

    ImpureScience

    Anther contender for the title of most explosive soft drink: Manhattan Special, marvelous espresso soda but produces torrents of foam no matter the temperature or how long it has been sitting…

  102. 102.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    You were supposed to have the wet t-shirt contest when Imani and Heather were over!

    Timing, it’s everything. ;p

  103. 103.

    Central Planning

    @TOP123: “reasonably clean”. Heh. That sounds great. I know I’ll remember that in February.

    @TOP123:

    More the ROK flag, I think? With the Taeguk?

    You’re right, my bad! That’s what I get for posting late.

  104. 104.

    W. Kiernan

    No other carbonated beverage does that.

    Not so! See if you can find a bottle of Manhattan Special coffee soda. It tastes great, but DO NOT open a bottle of it over your lap while driving your car. Foams up and overflows like a bottle of champagne.

  105. 105.

    RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    Mexican Coke tastes just like Kosher Coke to me. We get the latter in the local stores because of the large Orthodox population. HFCS tastes sour and stale by comparison. And the bubbles are different.

Comments are closed.