Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

People are complicated. Love is not.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

In my day, never was longer.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickle?”

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Ah, the different things are different argument.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

This fight is for everything.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Let there be snark.

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Reader Interactions

95Comments

  1. 1.

    cyntax

    Wait, isn’t this site supposed be all Manti Te’o for at least two more FPer posts?

    ETA: Great graphic though, even if it isn’t on topic.

  2. 2.

    Mj_Oregon

    You’ll have to break out Linn County, Oregon from “Potlandia” after the county sheriff, Tim Mueller, wrote that letter to the VP saying he wouldn’t enforce any “unconstitutional” restrictions on gun ownership. Thanks to him, I expect more than a few “gun enthusiasts” will make a bee-line for our area. Just what we needed to put those libruls in their places, eh?

  3. 3.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    I’m just amazed to see that Lance Armstrong had the ball to finally confess that he was doping.

  4. 4.

    cyntax

    @efgoldman:

    The Manti ran into the Lance and created a wormhole to TeaHadi/NRA paranoia.

    Is there a newsletter for that? If so, you should probably sign DougJ up for it.

  5. 5.

    Anne Laurie

    @Mj_Oregon:

    Thanks to him, I expect more than a few “gun enthusiasts” will make a bee-line for our area. Just what we needed to put those libruls in their places, eh?

    With any luck, the gun-fondlers will get sucked into Idaho’s paranoia-magnetic field, yes?

  7. 7.

    Mike in NC

    Perfect map. Jack Ohman is outstanding.

    Since a full month has passed since all those little kids were butchered, it seems like the gun nuts have decided to come out from under their rocks. The letters to the local rag are disgusting.

  12. 12.

    Suffern ACE

    Ugh. Insufferable back pain tonight. I think this is how it starts, and by the time we’re done fixing it, the adjustments we make to compensate for the one pain cause other problems, if the pills don’t get me first. Fair warning to the kids. Bend at the knees when picking up your pants and you’ll live longer.

  14. 14.

    Mj_Oregon

    @Anne Laurie: We can only hope they’ll stick in central Idaho, except the winters there are brutal and summers short, not conducive to growing food. The Willamette Valley on the other hand could supply food for a large population if the fields were turned over to food crops instead of grass seed (no, not THAT kind of grass!). Actually, I’m hoping the persistent fog in the winter will be a big deterrent. We’re on day five of the regular January Victorian London Weather Impersonation with another four or five days predicted before it clears out. UGH!

  15. 15.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @Suffern ACE: Yeah, after decades of hurting my back I’ve been doing that bend at the knees thing for quite a few years now and guess what? Now it appears I’ve injured my right knee.

    Gettin’ old. It ain’t for sissies.

  19. 19.

    Robert

    No one is explaining why Obama is trying to take all our guns today. Once he eliminates guns, he’ll declare martial law and sign over sovereignty of the United States to the United Nations. So obviously, every school needs a semi-automatic weapon-toting janitor to prevent the rise of the One World Order.

  20. 20.

    freelancer

    @Kitty:

    Their weapon should have been immediately confiscated and not returned. I own a rifle that shoots the same rounds as an AK, and you don’t fuck around with it. It’s a heavy round that travels VERY fast. Paper targets with no backstop is beyond criminally stupid, and violates one of the four rules of gun safety (the unspoken fifth is no handling under the influence of everything)

    Fucking morons.

  21. 21.

    scav

    @Suffern ACE: Heavens, you’re gifted with the bedrock of pulling on your trousers. Context, man, context and details! Fleeing though a window to escape a jealous husband? Rushing to save the helpless puppies from a midnight housefire? Were the pants at the bottom of a very long drop off a bendy slide? (I’ve gone a bit Wallace and Gromit there, sorry)

  23. 23.

    danielx

    My raving about conspiracies stopped after the Citizens United decision – no conspiracies needed, it’s right out there in the open.

  25. 25.

    freelancer

    @jurassicpork:

    I just lost a bet with myself, like “MAYBE he’s not going to blogwhore! Maybe being called out on it because he only posts when he blogwhores made him link to something worthwhile and readable instead this time.”

    I owe myself a dollar.

  28. 28.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @Suffern ACE: Getting dressed is dangerous. I had a back jolt this morning (feels like a cattle prod in the lower right lumbar region) just putting on my socks.

    The chiropractor wants to twist me about, the doc took an MRI which said nothing and sent me to a physical therapist (it helped, actually, but not for long) and I have a slew of exercises to do. Nevertheless. I would like someone to tell me WTF is wrong with me.

  30. 30.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    @Robert: Well you forgot the FEMA camps where we all will be gay-married according to Sharia Law and have obamacare until we go before the death panels.

  32. 32.

    freelancer

    @Yutsano:

    Yes I do. No scorpions seen just yet, which is weird because my apt complex has a ton of palm trees (apparently the little horrors love palm trees).

  34. 34.

    PsiFighter37

    Can someone tell me why the fuck Phil Bryant (the apparently brain-dead governor of Mississippi) thinks nullification is still a valid theory? Has this guy not bothered taking a course on American history and learning that the Supreme Court has rejected it repeatedly, and a long time ago?

    Why do people in red states keep electing idiots and fools? Honestly, I would be very happy turning off the spigot of tax dollars that get sent from my state (NY) and other blue states to them. Let’s see them come begging, hat in hand, to the federal government then.

    Fuck these guys. They need to be destroyed, utterly and completely. It’s like they’re living in an alternate universe where Strom Thurmond was the alternate universe Reagan.

  37. 37.

    Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.)

    So, I’ve seen hints that wingnuts are beginning to latch onto the “The Newtown Shootings Were Faked” conspiracy. Does anybody have any clue how widespread this is becoming or might become? Any clue how tightly these assholes are going to be clinging to this sick ploy to argue that the atrocity there was really a scam that liberals cooked up to shove gun control down Freedom Loving Aericans’® throats?

    Half of me can’t believe that any notable number of them will try to go down that road, but the other half would be kind of shocked if they don’t. It’s a hell of a thing when there’s even any debate in your mind about whether a significant minority of your fellow Americans might be seriously delusional, delusional enough to cough up this appalling theory with a straight face in public.

  38. 38.

    Elie

    Y’all are making me laugh tonight — and I needed that, so thanks…

    By the way, upstring about various back and knee problems.. I can relate very much…believe it or not, swimming helped my back and my shoulders (also arthritis). Stress makes all that shit worse though — all of it.

  39. 39.

    Suffern ACE

    @amk: I’m trying to figure out how Nike might never recover from bribing an official. Maybe they’d be barred from signing deals with sports franchises so people wouldn’t buy their shoes?

  41. 41.

    Mike E

    @Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason: One minute I’m scraping the remainder of my dinner plate into the garbage can, the next minute I’m on the kitchen floor with my back screaming dingbats at me. The whole back going out routine isn’t that dramatic lately, as it’s happened while toting the recyclables or sneezing funny.

    I’ll be 50 in October, if my parts hold up.

  42. 42.

    freelancer

    @Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.):

    What I literally just typed into my IM conversation with my friend before I saw your post:

    you know the group of people I think I’m most disgusted with in the world right now? the kooks who think Sandy Hook was a hoax or an inside job by the government

    These people disgust me.

  47. 47.

    Suffern ACE

    @amk: you know, he’s actually quoting Psalm 109. Although I’ve never figured out how it isn’t a curse which wouldn’t be ok. Unless you’re king David. Who he is not.

  48. 48.

    handsmile

    Rachel Maddow had a (typically) brilliant segment on her show tonight on the subject of trolls and trolling. Her point was to suggest that the NRA itself and some of the celebrities of the “conservative entertainment complex” are nothing other than trolls and, moreover, ones that are becoming increasingly irrelevant to political elections and policy-making.

    “Trolling is a key part of the conservative-entertainment/media business model. These guys say stuff all the time that they do not intend to be persuasive. They’re not trying to explain something, or bring people along to their way of thinking, they’re just doing something to attract attention, and hopefully condemnation and outrage from the mainstream, and particularly from liberals. They want to offend you. They seek to offend you. That is the point….Trolls have a purpose in our politics. They help niche, unpopular positions and people fund themselves and promote themselves as pseudo-political actors by tricking people who ought to know better into punching down at them.”

    Here is a link to the 13-minute segment:

    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/01/16/maddow-on-new-nra-ads-trolling-a-key-aspect-of-conservative-media/

    The presence of trolls and the imperative to ignore them-whether under a bridge, at a social event or on a blog-struck me tonight as particularly pertinent given the fate of certain threads here of late.

  50. 50.

    handsmile

    @Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.):

    Supplementing amk’s comment above (#42), this Guardian article may offer some unsavory (and disquieting) answers to your questions, “”Sandy Hook ‘truthers’ and the paranoid quest for meaning where there is none.” A recent piece in Salon, linked to in the article, may be recommended as well (if you possess a strong stomach.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/oliver-burkemans-blog/2013/jan/16/sandy-hook-truthers-paranoid-quest

  51. 51.

    Mnemosyne

    @amk:

    I dunno, I think the university is thinking more along the lines of “involuntary commitment” than “firing.” I mean, I assume you can fire (or at least put on involuntary medical leave) a tenured professor if you can show that he’s in the grip of a paranoid delusion and is incapable of teaching.

  56. 56.

    scav

    AP-GfK poll: Rage over Conn. tragedy tops 9/11

    Three-quarters of Americans said they reacted to the Connecticut massacre of with deep anger, higher than the 65 percent who said they felt that way in a poll from NORC at the University of Chicago after the 9/11 attacks. A majority, 54 percent, said they felt deeply ashamed that an event like Newtown could happen in the United States, well above the 40 percent who said they felt that way in the wake of the disaster that followed Hurricane Katrina and 35 percent who felt that way after the shootings at Virginia Tech.

    Some 58 percent favor strengthening gun laws in the United States. Just 5 percent felt such laws should be loosened, while 35 percent said they should be left unchanged.

    In comparison, after the Virginia Tech shootings in 2007, an Associated Press-Ipsos poll found that 47 percent wanted stricter gun laws, 38 percent thought they should remain as is and 11 percent wanted to see them loosened.

    and the support for some kind of federal standard for background checks seems to be in the 80% plus range, even among gun owners.

  57. 57.

    Calouste

    @PsiFighter37:

    Why do people in red states keep electing idiots and fools?

    Apparently the GOP hasn’t completely succeeded yet in getting rid of representative democracy in those states.

  58. 58.

    normal liberal

    @arguingwithsignposts:
    I believe Champaign is just above the first “O” in “MOOCHER.” We happy few in Bloomington-Normal (or BloNo, as God help us the kids are now calling it) seem to fall within the southern arc of the President’s territory.

    Which is some compensation.

  59. 59.

    Anne Laurie

    @Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason:

    The chiropractor wants to twist me about, the doc took an MRI which said nothing and sent me to a physical therapist (it helped, actually, but not for long) and I have a slew of exercises to do. Nevertheless. I would like someone to tell me WTF is wrong with me.

    Two legs good, four legs better.

    The whole ‘walking upright’ schtick has its advantages, but it’s not what the mammalian skelatal system was designed for. If you’re not happy with the chiropractor, and you don’t want to try a different one, that ‘slew of exercises’ is best practice, as I understand it.

    Time & repetitive stress have taken a toll on your spine. Developing a new “muscle memory” that — if nothing else — moves the stress to a different part of your spinal column is the safest form of compensation.

  60. 60.

    Argive

    I like how the “47%” label appears to be where Harrisburg, PA is located. Come on now, everyone knows all the dirty libruls live in Philadelphia!

  62. 62.

    MikeJ

    I am very, very pleased with that the new law in Washington and the return to the air of the Animaniacs have coincided.

  63. 63.

    Suffern ACE

    @Jimmi the Grey: oh, there is something I read on salon where someone was tying the shooters fathers to the LIBOR investigation. Part of me was laughing at the conspiracy because it relied on the notion that a VP in the tax department at GE was running the company. Another part of me is now convinced that liberals, disgruntled by the Obama administration not jailing those bankers, have decided to trick the arch conservatives into going to attacking them.

  65. 65.

    YellowJournalism

    @Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.): A friend who I thought would have a more rational, even emotional reaction to the shootings posted something on FB about how someone told her about the conspiracy and how she researched it and found a lot of evidence that it was true. Another person she knows went ballistic and called on it. I guess this person was very upset by the imitation that the shooting was faked. The other person didn’t reply but took the post down. I was shocked to hear that someone I had thought to have liberal leanings would post that until I remembered that she also believes in the illuminati. I don’t know how I would handle it if anyone ever said these things in person around me. I don’t think it would be pretty. (I told this person that her beliefs in the Illuminati were largely based on a lot of anti-Semetic material. It was not brought up to me again.)

  66. 66.

    YellowJournalism

    @MikeJ: Helllllooooo Nurse!

    The best thing Ben Stein ever did was an episode of Animaniacs. And, yes, I include Ferris Bueller in his list of accomplishments.

  69. 69.

    Gex

    It is striking to me, how much I look forward to getting back to Balloon-Juice to get to spill it all and reconnect with you.

    I made the call to extubate about five hours ago. True to form, this woman who has fought through challenges few others would survive, much less win, is hanging in there. They never know how it will go after they turn off ventilator assist, but I think everyone universally thought it wouldn’t take long. She hasn’t eaten in three weeks, the blood cultures showed a new infection, and she’s got metastisized cancer that has had free reign with a compromised immune system.

    Instead, she started breathing more regularly, BP stayed okay, and her pulse ox is consistently at or above 94%. I’ve told her I’m ready to let her go. I’ve challenged her to fight her will to fight if need be. But it’s going to be a while. I briefly went to find a place to nap but quickly realized that there may not be a level of exhaustion that would allow me to sleep.

    Did I tell you about the response we are getting from our circle? Kate is a stand up comic whose idol is Maria Bamford. The comedy club in the Mall of America hosts an one mic night on Tuesdays. Next Tuesday’s show has been turned in to a tribute show and Maria is flying in to headline it. Maria’s presence led to a write up in the St.Paul Pioneer Press, and a show that is lucky to get 25 attendees sold 160 tickets by lunch time. There is at least one more tribute show that has been announced. When I learned the paper wanted names to contact for a follow up article I posted on Facebook, “It’s normal to need to appoint a director of media relations in these situations, right?”

    I don’t know if words can describe this experience. The worst thing to ever happen to me is triggering such an outpouring of love and support (I’m including you guys) that is immeasurable. Every ‘like’, every message, every person who has taken charge to help me with something…

    I’m not one to experience or process emotion in real time all that much. It’s all tucked inside where I can’t get it yet or waiting in the shadows to pounce. If the cliche is true, this will continue to hurt like hell, but it will diminish somewhat, and I will learn to live with it. And then I realized today that all this awesome love and support? I will remember it forever and I feel that feeling will grow over time as I look back on it.

    I was able to support her in pursuing her passion for the last four years with no obstacles. I know she saw during my actions during the cancer fight how much I love her that I know there will be no regrets about things unsaid. And then this reaction to her and to us as a couple? This is the best worst thing that can happen to a person. I am grateful and I feel lucky that I will have peace because of these things. Later. Still a lot of tough stuff to go through. It’s not soon, but someday I will have to go back to the house and be there without her.

    Don’t know what else to add. Oh yeah. I highly recommend getting a lot of comic friends before you have a tragedy. I’m not sure you should laugh THIS much at times like this. But it’s great.

  71. 71.

    scav

    @Gex: A life well lived deserves a laugh as much as it deserves the pain and sorrow. And the shouty bits. Well rounded. All the best and thanks.

  73. 73.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Gex: Can’t add a single word or thought that isn’t either repetitive or clichéd. Thank you for your contributions to this Balloon Juice community; the support flows both ways. Wishing you and Kate an extra measure of love and peace and laughter right now.

  74. 74.

    Lojasmo

    @Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason:

    The chiropractor wants to twist me about, the doc took an MRI which said nothing and sent me to a physical therapist (it helped, actually, but not for long) and I have a slew of exercises to do. Nevertheless. I would like someone to tell me WTF is wrong with me.

    You have back pain. That’ll be $100.

  79. 79.

    R-Jud

    @Gex:

    Don’t know what else to add. Oh yeah. I highly recommend getting a lot of comic friends before you have a tragedy. I’m not sure you should laugh THIS much at times like this. But it’s great.

    I’m so glad you have this support network, Gex. And so glad your lady has you. Everyone deserves to go out of this life just as loved and supported as when they came into it. Even though she’s going too soon, she certainly has that. All the best to you.

  81. 81.

    Elie

    @Gex:

    Blessings to you and your mate through this journey. I send you all the best in my heart…I strongly believe that love never dies —

  83. 83.

    RSA

    The Heartland region of the map reminds me of a statistic I came across recently: More than 80% of the U.S. population lives in an urban area. To put that in perspective, we’re a little more urbanized than the UK and a little less than the Netherlands.

  84. 84.

    MomSense

    @SatanicPanic:

    I took my boys to Delphi -with their cousins and was so focused on keeping them from breaking things that I didn’t get to fully appreciate the place.

    We did stage a tremendous battle scene in the little amphitheater.

    No, it is a magical place. We all enjoyed it!

  87. 87.

    schrodinger's cat

    Small elite gay liberal state resident here! BTW who decided that the people living in states that committed treason were the real “Real Americans”?

  89. 89.

    Pamela

    @Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.): Looking at my facebook page today and there it was, a 30 minute video about how the Newton murders were a hoax, a government plot to control/ take-away guns. I was disappointed this post came through a woman I respect and thought knew better.

    Even worse, she and her fellow-posters were actually discussing how this could be possible, despite what Snopes said.

    I find myself disgusted and saddened by such a deep lack of awareness and insensitivity.

  90. 90.

    Deb T

    I’m from Missouri, but I live in Jackson County the most Liberal part of the state (Emmanuel Cleaver is our Rep., and a lot of us think McCaskill is not a real Democrat).

    I don’t want the Limbaugh label. Can’t we be the small island of Truman? I know, he did drop the bombs, but . . . still, better than Rush.

  91. 91.

    S. cerevisiae

    You are all missing the REAL conspiracy. All these shootings are actually false-flag ops by the NRA to drive up gun sales.

    Follow the money.

    (feel free to paste that to conspiracy comment threads and watch the fun)

  92. 92.

    J R in WV

    Gex,

    Sorry about your sweetie. Best of luck going forward! Very glad you have lots of friends around who love you and your sweetie.

    JR

  93. 93.

    J R in WV

    I’ve had back trouble off and on for 40 years. I believe it was originally caused by getting T-boned by a sports car while riding a bike in 1971. Then in the mid-70s I was kayaking and my legs went numb, the family Dr. said it was a severe muscle spasm, better than neurological disease, but still. It hurt pretty badly after a day or so.

    Since then I’ve re-injured myself building a house, picking up a sheet of paper from a chair seat, etc. The exercises to strengthen your abdomen and back are the best cure. Now I can work hard, and feel when I need to know it off for the day.

    I take pain killers when it gets bad, so I can stay mobile, which helps things loosen back up.

    I can’t believe the wing-nuts are starting rumours about the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting, except it seems so like them. What vile people to manufacture a falsehood like that, and propagate it all over the world. As bad as holocaust deniers, 9-11 truthers, and people who think President Obama is a Muslim Kenyan spy, instead of a legally elected president doing a great job under terrible circumstances.

    And what a shame we have to specify which elementary school shooting we’re talking about, since there have been several over the past 10 or 20 years.

    That is all.

  94. 94.

    LanceThruster

    @J R in WV:

    As bad as holocaust deniers, 9-11 truthers

    The term “9/11 truthers” has lost all meaning. We have clearly been lied to. Even the 9/11 Commission has admitted as much (regardless of specific details).

    Current nuts are going ape-shift over Banghazi, yet seem satisfied about the completely incredible spin associated with 9/11.

    From a Mondoweiss comment –

    the official story of 9/11 was spoken verbatim on national tv within minutes of the attack. there’s really no compelling reason to believe it (hence i could claim anyone who does should be ignored or is idiotic, see how easy that was?). until there’s a thorough investigation (there wasn’t) it’s all speculative.

  95. 95.

    LanceThruster

    @LanceThruster:

    Back in April 2002, over nine years ago, Pieczenik told the Alex Jones Show that Bin Laden had already been “dead for months,” and that the government was waiting for the most politically expedient time to roll out his corpse. Pieczenik would be in a position to know, having personally met Bin Laden and worked with him during the proxy war against the Soviets in Afghanistan back in the early 80?s.

    He’s said he’d be willing to go before a Grand Jury and state as a much.

    But, quelle horreur, he was on Alex Jones so he must just be another nutjob truther.

    [sigh]

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