Read this, then say to yourself, slowly “It’s 2013. It’s 2013. It’s 2013. WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?” Because that is what I did:
A racist hate group at Towson University has announced plans to conduct its own nighttime police patrols on campus.
Founded last year, the White Student Union has stirred significant controversy already. The organization has been labeled a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. In addition, its founder, Matthew Heimbach (who goes by the title “Commander Heimbach”), and fellow organizer Scott Terry interrupted a minority outreach panel at the Conservative Political Action Conference this month in order to defend slavery, noting that slaveholders provided blacks with food and shelter. Terry later told ThinkProgress that African-Americans “should be allowed to vote in Africa” and he’d be “fine” living in a society where blacks are permanently subservient to whites.
Seriously? Can’t white supremacists find someone whose name doesn’t sound like someone executed at Nuremberg?
And for the record, while I in no way support this group or its endeavors, I will say that it is nice having the fucking racists out in the open where we can keep an eye on them.
Redshirt
Commander Heimlich is simply community organizing some law abiding chums for power walks around the quad. What’s so wrong with that?
GuanoFaucet
I hate Maryland Nazis.
Strandedvandal
I hope he chokes on his crabcakes.
Redshift
But the wingnut-o-sphere was absolutely certain that the trouble at CPAC was caused by liberal plants trying to make them look bad!
Countdown to claims that these guys are still just liberal plants trying to make conservatives look bad in 3… 2… 1…
black_onion
I hope they wear something easy to spot at night, so you can know they are on patrol. Maybe something in white?
With a hood.
Cassidy
Fuck yeah. More of this. Stand up and be proud and make sure you endorse your favorite Republican as loudly and publicly as possible, over and over again.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
/retro-edit
Redshirt
“Chums on the Quad” is the name of my new right wing folk band.
And yes, there really is such a thing as right wing folk bands. Witness, “The Goldwaters“.
Shalimar
@Redshift: If it is liberal plants trying to make conservatives look bad, that means real conservatives are opposed to this shit, right? Right?
Shalimar
Also, speaking of racists being assholes:
http://now.msn.com/todd-kincannon-former-south-carolina-gop-head-tweets-insults-at-iraq-vet-mike-prysner
Spaghetti Lee
I feel sorry for the decent people in Towson. It sounds like a nice place but these fuckers have been what’s got it in the news lately.
Wonder what the actual police in town think of the little Kool Kids’ Klub here.
The Other Bob
These types of guys are the only reason I support the 2nd amendment.
Spaghetti Lee
@black_onion:
They can use torches to help them see. Maybe put them in people’s lawns for safekeeping.
eric
@Redshift: You know who else was liberal plant….
WA_Dave
Mein Führer… I CAN WALK!!
The prophet Nostradumbass
ETA: never mind
Villago Delenda Est
@Redshift:
Well, you know, they’re National Socia1ists.
That means they’re obviously liberals! They’re left wing!
Short Bus Bully
Post-racial, bitches.
namekarB
@Cassidy:
What Cassidy said. This is actually great news for progressives. Republicans need to wear this kind of support hanging around their neck like an albatross.
David Koch
I await the Mini-Broders sayin Obama needs to invite Commander Heimbach to Camp David and movie night to find common ground.
Zam
Fine, whites can vote in Europe then.
arguingwithsignposts
@David Koch: Hey, there’s a National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, so, you know … both sides, or something.
Arm The Homeless
Other student groups should follow them around on their little jaunts. Call it Operation Snowflake
Higgs Boson's Mate
Does Towson University have some sort of affirmative action program for irredeemable racist assholes? I can’t think of any other way Backpfeifengesicht Heimbach gained admission.
russell
i’m going to start a 501(c)(4) to raise money to arm black people.
max
who goes by the title “Commander Heimbach”
I suggest someone kick him the nuts, and dub that the ‘Heimbach Maneuver’.
“It’s 2013. It’s 2013. It’s 2013. WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?”
I remember thinking something just like that when the skins were big in the late 80’s.
max
[‘There’s always someone who wants to try the same old shit again…’]
Suffern ACE
Who exactly are they planning on arresting? Or is this just some excuse to carry around weapons openly.
Mike in NC
Back in the 90’s I drilled for several years at the Navy Reserve Center at Fort McHenry. Towson had a reputation as a haven for assholes. Go figure.
scav
Remember always to note clearly that Heimbach et. al. are members of Republican Outreach. These are the offered hands of welcome and conciliation.
Thymezone
I hear the guy also holds the patent on Soylent Green and plans to start selling the food supplement online. Asked why he chose to sell a food product made out of human meat, Heimbach said “I just really don’t like people who aren’t me.”
Mystical chick
How sucktastic that this takes place at my alma mater. Nice legacy there, Towson U. (Cringes in corner)
MikeJ
Nobody’s sayin’ they don’t appreciate what Jenny did.
Thymezone
Heimbach is starting a political action group called “Friends of Auschwitz.”
Thymezone
@Mystical chick:
I think your cat is sitting on your keyboard.
Suffern ACE
@Mystical chick: it’s 23 students. That’s hardly a movement.
Punchy
@Thymezone:Perhaps Towson just has a lot of alumni on the board tonite….
Thymezone
@Punchy:
Imaginative bunch, I must say.
Richard
So are these fucks going to be goosestepping around and asking people if their papers are in order? No doubt, they will be wearing the appropriate armbands, black uniforms and boots.
Spaghetti Lee
@Suffern ACE:
23 out of about 18,000. There’s probably 23 total racist assholes in any random group of 18,000 people. Most of them, admittedly, don’t play out their Gestapo fantasy in public.
Ruckus
@Thymezone:
It would have been more believable if he’d stated “There’s a huge profit in it”
Liquid
You’d think the guy might have some imagination and use “Commandant.”
Or Gruppenführer.
mclaren
What could possibly go wrong?
Cue the “No one could possibly have foreseen [white guy shoots innocent black honor student teenager]” quotes…
Thor Heyerdahl
Where are Jake & Elwood when you need them?
Bubblegum Tate
I can’t wait for conservatives to decry how poor Commander Heimbach is being persecuted just because he’s conservative! It’s one of their more head-scratching impulses.
Villago Delenda Est
@Liquid:
Perhaps he was holding out for Oberstgruppenführer
Or Pat Buchanan told him to back off, as Pat has rights to all SA/SS ranks
SatanicPanic
@Shalimar: True conservatives would never say this sort of thing, in public.
David Koch
Smithers, release the Dronzes
Tone in DC
Maybe one of the NAAWP wannabes at Towson is related to Bobby Ehrlich. Or Rand Paul.
karen
So the college is actually giving them this power? The town of Towson, the state of Maryland? And what power does this mean? Does this mean they can just beat up all “suspicious” looking black people?
mouse tolliver
George Zimmerman’s brother is hoping he’ll come down with that Michael Jackson skin disease so he can join this group.
MikeJ
@karen: It would be nice if we could click the link and read the source, but John didn’t provide it. I like the extra dumb quotes like:
sparky
This dude is operating at stopwatch speed. NO 15 MINUTES OF FAME FOR YOU!
This country needs more Thorazine for christsake.
FlipYrWhig
@David Koch: a drone attack on white supremacists… Dude, you never go Full Greenwald.
Villago Delenda Est
@MikeJ:
Not in a “military way”? You mean they eschew fire discipline?
Which would not surprise me at all.
“Do not open fire until you see the black of their skin!”
Petorado
@Thor Heyerdahl:
Heimbach is thinking of another Belushi moment: it was definitely not over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, or when Lincoln ended slavery.
MikeJ
@FlipYrWhig: Drones are one of the best things citizens can have.
Yutsano
Papieren bitte.
Nope, still sounds creepy in the original German.
Redshift
@karen: No, according to the article they aren’t even a registered group because no faculty member will sponsor them, so the university isn’t giving them any power. They’re just a bunch of assholes who plan to “patrol” the campus and be dicks to black students, since they’re sure nonwhites are committing all sorts of crimes that no one in the university or media will cover. They also have a heavy “protect the wimminfolk” line, like their proud Southern forebears.
IdahoFlaneuse
@Spaghetti Lee:
Embarrassed to admit to being a graduate of Towson University.
It was Towson State back in the dark ages when I graduated. Can’t help but wonder what the hell they are teaching there now.
Villago Delenda Est
@Yutsano:
Your papers are not in order! Ve haff ways in Berlin to make you talk…most unpleasant ways, I assure you!
Higgs Boson's Mate
@Villago Delenda Est:
“You vill beg for the exquisite mercy of death!”
Unsympathetic
They’ll probably just loiter at the Pei Wei and make sure the duckpin bowling alley is safe for white people doing white things.
What’s his grand plan, move on to “walking the beat” in Ruxton?
I hope he gets smart and tries to walk west on North Avenue after dark. For those of you who don’t know Baltimore.. that’s the part of the hood where white people shouldn’t stop at stop signs.
NotMax
People who feel threatened by the assumption that “their” slice of the pie is being nibbled down, and cannot grasp that a ready panacea is to make a larger pie…
…don’t deserve pie at all.
TG Chicago
Geez, talk about not realizing it’s 2013…
Most racists aren’t out in the open like this! Most probably don’t even realize they’re racist.
seaboogie
“For those who are not Towson students it seems hard to fathom that every single day black predators prey upon the majority white Towson University student body.”
Black predators on the “majority” white student body. Dude obviously is descended from a long line of stupid with a sense of superiority that lies entirely in his melanin-challenged skin color.
Thor Heyerdahl
@Yutsano: Or “Ausweis bitte” – just as creepy as they play out their SiPo fantasies…
Thor Heyerdahl
@Petorado: I think he’s playing out the Niedermeyer ROTC powertrip instead.
Villago Delenda Est
@NotMax:
Or a pie in the face.
Followed by a clue-by-four in the face.
Thymezone
@Ruckus:
I was going for campy.
Yutsano
@Thor Heyerdahl: I think they should all wear the same shirts to identify themselves. Something in a dark tannish hue. With sashes. Yes, that’s the ticket!
Johannes
“The trouble with you, Heimbach, is that just because you have succeeded in inducing a handful of half-wits to disfigure the London scene by going about in black shorts, you think you’re someone. You hear them shouting “Heil, Heimbach!” and you imagine it is the Voice of the People. That is where you make your bloomer. What the Voice of the People is saying is: “Look at that frightful ass Heimbach swanking about in footer bags! Did you ever in your puff see such a perfect perisher?”
Linda Featheringill
Towson University is in Maryland! Amazing!
bjacques
@Johannes:
Roderick Spode (who has a dark secret), FTW!
HeartlandLiberal
University President Maravene Loeschke, [email protected], is eager to hear words of praise on how safe her campus is being made from the depredations of the dangerous Black hordes of thugs roaming its grounds at night.
I let her know that I knew how proud she must be to see Towson racing forward into the last, no make that the first half of two centuries ago.
Johannes
@bjacques: Just mention “Eulalie.”…
hells littlest angel
I’d prefer they were somewhere we couldn’t see them — under six feet of earth.
SiubhanDuinne
There is a crying need for a “Hitler Finds Out About the White Students Union at Towson University” YouTube thingy. I hope some clever person does this immediately.
Dan
Won’t the kkk sue for copyright infringement?
pk
If African-Americans should vote in Africa then shouldn’t Heimbach vote in Germany.
WereBear
How low is your actual self-esteem, how deep is your urge to bully, how desperate to do you have to be… to turn to white supremacy?
Really? The melanin content of your skin? That’s all you’ve got going for you?
I’m rather encouraged the group is so small. Maryland has a lot of the Southland lurking in its makeup…
Cheryl from Maryland
@Johannes: Thank you for the great P.G.
brantl
@Zam: FTFW!
While exercising their 2nd amendment rights, and 000 IQ.
Randy P
If his rant were posted online, I’d just dismiss it as obvious trolling. It’s the kind of thing 14-to-20-year-olds post purely for attention, thinking they’re clever and original.
Even though this is real life, it still smells like trollery to me. The reaction here and no doubt on the Towson campus is the point. I’m just not sure why. Is he aiming for an early draft as a Fox pundit?
Jack the Second
“Loud member of a hate group” is also like a political Darwin Award. There may be plenty of racist assholes in Washington but I feel comfortable predicting this guy will never join them.
Poopyman
@WereBear: Ain’t THAT the truth. And I say that as I sit here in Southern MD, where Union troops had to actively occupy the area during the Late Unpleasantness,and local boys had to cross the Potomac to fight on the Right Side.
But really, I think this will all dissipate once the University reminds the students that there are Rules:
Of course, then they’ll just be driven (back) underground.
Oh, and of course this one, as it seems relevant:
Tumbrel For Hire
“Hey bros, join us for White Power Wednesday at Bill Bateman’s!”
Jebediah
@brantl:
At least that IQ is in triple digits!
dan
A pledge pin! On your uniform? Just tell me, mister, what fraternity would pledge a man like you?
jshooper
Glenn Greenwald wants to know this guy’s views on Drugs & Drones before we dismiss him as a fringe lunatic…His views must be heard…You tribal partisan Obama lovers are always trying to silence freedom loving libertarians like Heimbach
sparrow
I live really close to Towson. It’s on my list of schools that I might try to get a job at if I make it to being professor material. This makes me pretty upset. I HAVE to think that if the administration there had any brains they would be trying to shut this group down ASAP. The worst outcome would be an inpouring of more white supremacist/neonazi students thinking this is some kind of haven, and concurrent outpouring of minorities. They are not a highly ranked school, and this is only going to be bad news for them.
And of course the whole thing is just fucking repugnant.
Redshirt
Why is it ALL white supremacists are so lacking in superiority?
Felonius Monk
I was never very good with the German language, but doesn’t Heimbach loosely translate as “dick-less, racist asshole”?
Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.)
These assholes are just drooling over the thought of becoming the next George Zimmerman. There’s no way this will end well. Well, I shouldn’t say that. The best outcome that I can foresee is that these scumbags will have people neighborhood watching them, which will cut back sharply on the likelihood that they’ll get to shoot any darkies, and then after a while they’ll get pissed off that they haven’t shot any darkies, give up and go home. That’s what I hope. But I fear things could get much uglier.
El Caganer
University admin needs to tell these clowns that their first “patrol” will be their last one, since they’ll be expelled immediately.
And I’m sure their families are thrilled. “My son, the campus Nazi.”
Xenos
@El Caganer: Easily done. No need to confront these twerps, just take pictures of them. Send phots of them with weapons to the Dean.
DavidTC
I don’t know why anyone wants to ‘shut these guys down’. Fuck that. That just means we don’t know where they are. And right now, we _do_: They’ve just essentially said they were going to wander around, vigilante-like, at night, rather obviously trying to make trouble for black people.
Does anyone think this situation is just begging for black undercover police officers to wander the campus at night holding hands with white undercover police officers and waiting to be attacked?(1) While that couple is secretly filmed and recorded?
Forget trying to get rid of the group. Let’s arrest the fuckers for taking a well-documented swing at a police officer after they start screaming at that police officer and he refuses to back down.
1) It is worth pointing out that entrapment laws do not apply to the police deliberately setting themselves up to be victimized. It’s only police _asking_ people to commit crimes that is entrapment.
Joel (Macho Man Randy Savage)
This sounds like a job for the JDL.
DavidTC
Heh, rereading that, I realize I messed up. When I said that, I actually mean to say _male_ black police officers holding hands with _female_ white police officers, but somehow left the genders out. But we could just as easily make them both men and see if the racists are also homophobes.
MCA1
@DavidTC: Interesting idea. I was thinking more along the lines of just getting an interracial group of a hundred people to get together and follow them around wherever they go, keeping about 20 yards between them at all times, and conspicuously carrying a lot of cameras with them. Everyone on campus will surely knew what’s going on, and could identify the individuals with Heimbach. Someone could set up a website called “Identities of the Towson Klan Members” and post pictures of these morons with their names so people can laugh at them in class the next day. Let’s see how public they really want to be when posterity is on the line. Mockery would be a good counter to their pitiful smallmindedness.
Ed Drone
@pk:
The German government has laws against parties aping the Third Reich, and these guys would find themselves in jail PDQ.
Ed
Ed Drone
@WereBear:
The despot’s heel is on thy shore,
Maryland, my Maryland!
His torch is at thy temple door,
Maryland, my Maryland!
Observe the poor deluded whites
That strut the streets of Towson’s nights,
Defending their imagined rights!
Maryland, my Maryland!
… Although I keep wanting to write:
Melanin, my melanin!
Ed
SRW1
who goes by the title “Commander Heimbach”
Was Sturmbannfuehrer too much of a tongue twister?
rikyrah
this will not end well.
these mofos think it’s 1955.
it’s suburban Maryland in 2013.
Ain’t nobody playing with them.
And WHEN they step to the WRONG ONE and get their asses beat…don’t say shyt.
Patricia Kayden
“I will say that it is nice having the fucking racists out in the open where we can keep an eye on them.”
They’re already out in the open. They’re called T’Baggers aka Republicans.
And Black students at Towson should form a patrol too. Meet fire with fire.
karen
How much do you want to bet that if they shoot and kill a black person that Fox will be furious and drum up backlash against any penalty the Hitler wannabe because the Great White Hope belonged there and you know, black people at college? Blame affirmative action.