Just learned from my brother that he is going to have to put down Speak on Monday because he has incurable cancer and has not eaten for weeks. He was going to do it tomorrow morning, but is waiting until Monday so his ex-girlfriend who was living with him for years when they got Speak and Whisper wanted to be there.
I’m really sad, and immediately went and furminated fat boy and gave him a tuna dinner, because he is just a year younger than Speak. And my brother is also an atheist, so please, no “at least he is in a better place” or “kitty heaven” nonsense. He’s not in a better place. A couple weeks ago he was sniffing around, doing cat things, eating, romping with his sister, sleeping on a comfortable bed. On Monday, he’s going to be buried in the back yard.
Not to mention, cats don’t believe in heaven, because they think they are God. From my experiences, they may be right, because how else can a cat 1/10th of my weight so effectively boss me around?
JWL
I OK’d the euthanasia of my beloved little feral cat just a month ago. It broke my heart.
I took her under my wing when she was, maybe, 3 weeks old (according to the vet). She never weighed more than 5 pounds.
Up till then, I’d always been a dog guy.
She was my arrogant, affectionate, and my unobtrusive pal for the next 18 years.
Just how little critters can capture a human heart, like she did mine, is a great mystery. I miss her a lot.
Poopyman
That sucks, and if you’ve ever had to do a cat you love the favor of ending their suffering, it sucks big time. And it never gets easier, and each one is different.
Sorry to be of no comfort, other than to let your brother know some us know what he’s going through. Other than that, I got nuthin’.
debit
Your family has my sympathy. We had our 22 year old cat put to sleep yesterday. He had a good, long life, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
Morbo
Ia, Ia, Tunch F’tagn!
SoINeedAName48
Been through that wringer too many times, so please extend my sympathies to your brother for his loss.
(But are you sure it’s only 1/10?)
eric
my ex of many years ago always planted something over the spot where the ashes went so that there is something living and visual to remind the world of those wonderful beasts that nestle in our hearts.
cbear
Happy trails, Speak. Condolences to all.
Hawes
Tunch is 1/10th your weight? You weigh 400 lbs?
A Ghost To Most
Sorry to hear that, as a lifelong cat butler. You’re right, though; cats are the gods of their worlds.
WereBear
Presence. Cats have tons.
Because it helped me:
One Cat, Three Lives
I believe cats reincarnate. I strive to be worthy enough to get one of them back.
piratedan
@eric: we’ve often done the same, sometimes a small cairn works too.
Mary G
So sorry. Not easy to make that decision. Glad the ex-GF is coming.
Emma
We had to put our beloved “came with the house” cat earlier this year. Some nights I still wake up thinking he’s in bed with me. I even feel the pressure of his body on my back. It’s really hard. Your brother has my sympathy.
Mystical Chick
It never gets easier but I just fill my heart with all the gratitude for their love and light and sweetness (and often craziness!) and send them off to wherever.
My last two kitties I’ve held tightly as they left their bodies and snuggled them in love. That’s the way I’d want to be sent off (to wherever). It’s the least I could do.
Peace to your brother and his sweet kitty.
And a kick in the ass to you, John Cole, for being a curmudgeon. (But I kick with loves)
wmd
Cats may be gods, but humans have one thing going for them: toilet paper.
My cat Zena had to be put down back in 2004 at age 19. 9 years later the memory of her dragging herself to the litter box after a saddle thrombosis left her back legs paralyzed, and her return to consciousness at the veterinary hospital when it was time still choke me up. I do smile when I pass the lilac I planted over her – it’s a sprout from a lilac she used to sleep in back in Indiana.
Dave
http://www.rainbowbridge.com
WereBear
@Dave: Geez. I can’t read that without crying.
No matter how many times!
Baud
I haz a sad now.
Comrade Dread
Sorry to hear that. That really sucks.
I still my miss my two weinerdogs 18 months after having to put them both down 3 days apart.
We have new weinerdogs now, but it still sucks that these things that get into your life and grab your heart still only have a lifespan that’s 1/10 – 1/4 of ours.
fuckwit
True dat.
EnfantTerrible
It’s never easy, and the sadness can linger for a long, long time. My favorite cat of all time, Rusty The World’s Most Interesting Cat, met his end 6 years ago. I still miss him.
Anne Laurie
Condolences. Our animal companions make our human hearts larger, by trading a piece of theirs for their place in ours — that’s why it hurts so much when they leave us.
Ash Can
Condolences to your brother, his ex, and all involved. So very sorry.
Ted & Hellen
Bummer. Cycle of life and death and all.
Hawes
Because it can never be seen enough:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk
PurpleGirl
Please accept my condolences and express my sympathy to your brother.
The cat my Peekskill friends had died naturally in Florida, held by my friend, D.
But while they were still in NYS, I had nudge N about the Dobermann’s health and that he needed to decide what to do. It was not easy to talk with N about putting Hugo down but I had to do it, to save Hugo from more pain. (Hugo was eating but nothing was coming out; he had a cancer on his rump, pinched nerves, heart problems. Hugo was 14 or 15 years old.)
Keith
I had to euthanize my biggest cat last year…he stopped eating for several weeks as well. He absolutely dwarfed my other cats before the weight loss (and one of my current cats is a 20 lb Tunch clone, only fatter). The worst part was that I had to drag him (VERY uncooperatively) out of a cabinet where he was trying to be left alone so I could take him to the vet, only to get the news a few hours later that he had to be put down. It kills me that it was my last memory of him, but I know he was feeling horrible at the time. The previous two cats I’ve lost (including his litter mate) just vanished after going outside, which was easier, although I had my mom’s favorite cat (little tiny black female) die in morning traffic on the way to the vet after apparently suffering a stroke.
Tough stuff.
different-church-lady
By the time a cat has used up the 9th life, they’re probably grateful to push on anyway.
The sad reality of pets is we’re pretty much bound to outlive them. The hidden blessing in this it that they each have their own personalities. I will miss my little man tremendously when he passes on, but I will also welcome the opportunity to repeat the getting-to-know-you process with the next little character who should grace my life.
Elie
@JWL:
Its amazing isnt it — almost a physical sensation.
I remember when I had to put down my Bill a couple of years ago. I felt the most intense physical sense of loss. I kept feeling his weight on my feet at the end of the bed for at least a week. My eyes looked for him in the morning and around his favorite spots..
Its such a gift to have had that
j
Sorry to hear that. When one of my bosses had to be euthanized the vet made a clay imprint of his front paws with the name imprinted on it. He gave it to me and told me I could bake it in my oven for whatever time @ whatever temperature and have it glazed or painted later; or just leave it as baked clay.
It is now a permanent monument of sorts, placed where the little guy used to spend most of his afternoon nap time, letting the sun shine on it for several hours each day.
Either ask the vet if they do that, or buy some clay yourselves and do it yourselves. I really does mean something more than a rock in a back yard, and it is movable for when the family moves.
(On a related note, TBogg has Satchmo’s ashes in a cedar box on his computer desk.)
http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2008/09/04/thursday-night-basset-blogging-35/
HinTN
@WereBear: Yes! Twice recently with our brother/sister Labs. Cats, I don’t know how that goes. Cole’s right, they are the gods. Got two to prove it
YellowJournalism
I always feel guilty that I wasn’t there when my parents had to put down my big fat bossy beat friend down after 14 years. She had thyroid problems, had gone from Tunch-sized to skeletal, and at the end couldn’t even walk. I hadn’t been able to take her with me when I got married. I cried for hours the day they put her down.
Give Tunch some loves for me. I am so damned fond of that cat because of the way he reminds me of her in personality and the way the fat fans out when he lays down.
dance around in your bones
I’ve had a couple of pets run over by cars and killed. I’ve had one bit by a rattlesnake. I’ve had a couple just disappear (one after getting major surgery on her paw after getting shot by some person who was agitated by her raiding his chickens – I can’t get too pissed about that) but the worst is when they just disappear with no explanation or reason. One of my little guys ran out to chase a bicyclist (first time) and got plowed on the highway. We buried him at the foot of a somewhat famous cross in Baja.
I’d rather hold them in my arms and sing them to sleep. Weirdly, I’ve only done that for feral cats with major diseases/tumors. When my dog of 16 years was checking out, we made arrangements with a vet to come and put her down. She died in the night before the vet came out, and it was still fucking awful. But she did it her way.
AliceBlue
I’m so sorry to hear this. I was hoping for the best for Speak.
We had to let our sweet, beautiful Buster go this past January. The raw grief is gone, but I’ll miss him for the rest of my life.
HinTN
@HinTN: OK, actually I didn’t follow the link until after I published. What we have gotten back from Rainbow Bridge with our beloved friend’s ashes has made me cry, but it is really dog centric. Don’t have feline experience with them.
Elie
@Mystical Chick:
Great comment — I shared the experience that you spoke of with my Bill. The visiting vet gave him the injection as he lay swaddled in my arms in his favorite blanket in a sunny corner he loved as he started to fail.
WereBear
I have to say that, as tough as it is, some of the bravest moments come when we are needed.
If we can be there so that this loneliest moment is not so lonely… whether the life be canine or feline or human… if we keep that companionship promise to the very end…
We feel better.
CaseyL
Very sad news. Your brother is a mensch, the best kind of man, to wait until his ex is there, so she can say goodbye as well.
The only thing anyone has ever said on these occasions that was of any comfort to me was this: Our critters don’t have any real sense of how long they live; but they do know how well they live.
Howard Beale IV
When I relo’ed to MN, I had to put my 16-yr old Himalayan down as she had developed a rather nasty tumor.At least Ozzie, at 10, is still ahnging in there, even tho he can be a pain in the arse when he purrs and bites at the same time (he’s a declawed rescued Red Persian)
HinTN
@YellowJournalism: Got a 17 year old skeleton purring on the bed right now. Found her and a box of five kittens beside our country road and brought ’em home. Kept mama (Isis) and two kittens. Son Sam died unexpectedly and was buried under a cedar tree he professed to love. Daughter Chloe masses three (+) plus what her mama carries. Mom done good by them in that box! And we try…
mai naem
Condolences. We’ve had four animals die of natural causes. Am not looking forward to when we have to make the decision to put one down.
karen marie
Jeez, Cole:
Now I’ve got whiplash. Condolences to all those who know and love Speak.
pokeyblow
My cat got cancer in 2003. It was so aggressive. Chemo didn’t help, because the disease moved so fast. He couldn’t jump into bed, so I slept on the floor so he could be near me. He started sleeping on the marble tiles in front of the fireplace, because they were cooler. After two nights like that, I went to bed, figuring he was more comfortable there. In the middle of the night, I heard him crying for attention. I took him up into the bed and he purred and purred. The next morning he died. I don’t think I every cried so much.
Felonius Monk
This is the part of being a cat’s human that really sucks. Condolences to your bro’ and his.
As for you, Cole, perhaps you’d feel better if Tunch furminated you for a while — you are looking a little shaggy lately, aren’t you? I’m sure he’d do it for a little extra tuna.
Gemina13
I’m so sorry, John. Our cats and dogs fail us in one regard: they don’t live long enough.
Lucky, the little guy I rescued on the L.A. 110 Freeway 9 years ago, swallowed some string on Sunday. It perforated his bowel so badly that the radiologist who did the ultrasound told me herself his chances of surviving were terrible. I held him as the vet gave him the shots that ended his life. The last thing my beautiful tuxedo boy knew was that he went to sleep in my arms.
He’s going to be cremated and the ashes scattered near Mt. Rainier. As I do believe in an afterlife – or, at least, a resting place between lifetimes – I have a feeling he’s lolling in a meadow somewhere, rolled over to present his belly to passersby for rubs. As for the rest, it sucks. All my condolences to your brother, for I know what he’s going through. :(
schrodinger's cat
My thoughts are with your brother and his furry friend. My orange kitteh had a health emergency recently and had stopped eating, I was worried sick. Thankfully she recovered. People on BJ were a great resource during that time.
schrodinger's cat
@pokeyblow: Aww that made me tear up. {{{hugs}}}
pokeyblow
@schrodinger’s cat: He was my best friend. Nothing but goodness and affection.
gopher2b
“I was perfectly content before I was born, and I think of death as the same state.” Roger Ebert, a pretty smart guy.
My condolences, It’s never easy.
kindness
Out here in CA if a vet puts down your pet they won’t give it back to you for you to bury, unless you have it cremated separate from all the other critters so they know which pile of ash & bone is yours. Then they give you a bag of ash to bury. It’s kinda cruel. I hadn’t been able to afford the separate cremating last one I had to put down. Made saying goodby even tougher.
Cacti
Losing a pet blows. Your brother has my sympathies.
TaMara (BHF)
Someone told me once, that cats and dogs have short lives so that we may love many of them. I take comfort in that, because as each one leaves my life and breaks my heart a little, another comes along to teach me to love again.
I mourn the loss of every one I’ve ever had, but feel blessed for the ones that share my life in any given moment. It the great paradox of loving pets.
Condolences to your brother and to Whisper, who will no doubt mourn as well.
Bubba Dave
I’m pretty sure I’ve posted this before, but:
On the Death of a Cat
In life, death
was nothing
to you: I am
willing to wager
my soul that it
simply never occurred
to your nightmareless
mind, while sleep
was everything
(see it raised
to an infinite
power and perfection). No death
in you then, so now
how even less. Dear stealth
of innocence
licked polished
to an evil
luster, little
milk fang, whiskered
night
friend
go.
— Franz Wright
(Someday I may be able to post it without tearing up. May.)
ADS
It it sad and very hard, but it one of the kindnesses we can do for our pets.
With the pleasure and joy and honor of caring for them their whole lives, comes the difficult role of being there for them at the end — and helping them pass if that is what is best for them.
My condolences to your brother, to you, and to all others who have been touched by Speak.
Delia
My condolences. It’s very hard when the last good thing we can do for them is end their suffering. My beautiful tabby, Saffy, died over a year ago from lung cancer. The last night she was home with me she spent the night under my bed gasping for breath, and by morning I knew I had to take her in. A friend went with me for moral support. I got Saffy from the local Humane Society when she was two and she was nine when she died, so we had seven good years. She loved her home, her dog, and me. So that’s the difference we made in one tiny bit of the universe.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
My condolences to your brother. It’s never easy, no matter how much it’s the right thing to do. They leave such big paw prints on our hearts.
Ruckus
It’s always hard to lose a close friend. It never gets easy, nor should it. They were your friend. My condolences to your brother.
Now for a brighter note.
Found out this week that Bud, the old geezer cocker that I adopted and then had to give back last year, because I could no longer care for him(or almost myself for that matter), has been adopted by the foster family. So some good news on the pet front.
LT
Sorry, John. No fun at all. When me and the missus moved to Australia we left our two cats in the US. Ow. Just thinking about it kills me. They were both rescues (the big one, Montana, literally our rescue, as it was a skeletal kitty that came out of the blackberries in our back yard, took many days to get him comfortable enough to come to us, them months to get him completely comfy), but we couldn’t put them through the quarantine process. Thankfully they live with my sis, Aunt, and Dad, and whoever else happens to be living in that compound. And – we flew them from Oregon to NY to my sis’s.
Anyways, I’m sorry about this.
FlipYrWhig
For Speak. I put lines from this poem in a note in the box we buried our old tortie girl in at the beginning of the year. Anna Seward, An Old Cat’s Soliloquy
LanceThruster
My elderly remaining cat has a benign tumor growth on her stomach that smells like something died and bleeds regularly (I put down a crib pad for her). I would have it removed but the xians in my vanpool kicked me out of my vanpool for having thre nerve to ask them to set the AC on recirculate to keep the diesel fumes out, and asking them to keep the volume of their praise music low enough that it doesn’t bleed through my ear plugs (I have a 75 mi one way commute). I was pretty much living paycheck to paycheck before this. Now it more than doubled my commute costs and almost doubled my commute time taking the train. I think my mere presence offended them because I politiely declined their invitations to church (the lead bully stating, “You really need to come to church with me.”)
Fuck, I hate Republican Jesus and His followers.
Joel
There’s a really bad pun in here somewhere, but I won’t make it.
Best to your brother.
Forum Transmitted Disease
@kindness: Oh yes they will. I’m not necessarily sure that it’s legal, but if a vet had tried to take my BritKit from me when she was put down they would have been burying the vet as well.
This was not a concern with my last kitty – and she will be my last as my newly acquired wife is lethally allergic to them – my vet is an awesome guy and my family’s been with him for over 25 years now. The time will be coming soon enough for my dog, I fear. 16 years old, arthritis and a bunch of (so far) benign tumors. But she is not done yet, I’m betting that barring an accident that next year this time I’ll probably be sharing the story with you all of the lab that refuses to die because she’s having too much fun. Her, I think we may have to have cremated although I don’t really want to, but she’s 71 pounds and the logistics of burying something that large are a lot different than a 9 pound cat.
pokeyblow
@Forum Transmitted Disease: You’re just a baller.
Forum Transmitted Disease
I might add that is a miracle, a fantastic privilege, to be able to adopt a creature into your life and take care of them from that point until the end. I’ve adopted a couple of elderly pets over the years, and if I had the money (which could be done) and the time (which cannot) I would adopt only elderly animals and give them love, a nice home and then send them on their way when their time comes as painlessly and lovingly as can be done. Putting them down is never easy. An awesome responsibility and one that demands your strength. I’ve always held them. I know some people that can’t do it. I don’t judge them harshly for that, it’s really hard. You cannot cry or get upset beforehand, otherwise you’ll terrify your baby at the one time that they really don’t need to be scared. This is not easy and not everyone can or should do it. But to do it and know that you are equal to the task is a bitter reward, but a reward nonetheless.
And then cry. I still do, sometimes. Miss my BritKit like nothing else.
Hoosierspud
There’s a quote about what a terrifying thing it is to love a creature you know will die, but what would our hearts and lives be without love?
I’m a former Catholic, turned Methodist. I was told that John Wesley, founder of the Methodist Church, believed that our pets would be with us in heaven. I really like that.
pokeyblow
@Forum Transmitted Disease: That’s sweet and elaborate.
But it’s missing the part about how you were going to kick some ass if the vet, or the universe, didn’t go along with your wishes.
Give the people something for their money.
red dog
@kindness: Wrong. A good vet service will come to your home to put a pet down. What you described is a kickback scam for the pet crematoriums.
Batocchio
Sorry, that sucks. It’s rough losing a beloved pet.
peggy
Being horribly allergic to all furries, I’ve never had pets and so never endured losing them. But similar to the stories of feeling something warm still lying on one’s feet, I have also seen people that I have lost. I’d recognize someone in a crowd who turned out not to be who I thought it was.
Mourning goes very deep and we can see ghosts.
michelle
@peggy: The same thing happened to me with my father. My brother got married the day after my father died and I swore I saw him — my father — at the wedding. My brother was always the favorite, so maybe I was just imagining it.
Francis
I am so very sorry. Weeping a little reading the thread; my old malinois / husky mix is snoozing on the foot of the bed and I don’t know how much time he has left.
Francis + lost track (2 healthy tequilas plus a half bottle of white wine)
opie_jeanne
@kindness: That’s not true. Two different California vets gave our cats back to us (years apart) without cremation, so that we could plant a fruit tree over each of them. Peach tree over Tinker, Nectarine over Victoria.
opie_jeanne
@Hoosierspud: John Wesley was a good man, especially after the Heart Warming Experience.
opie_jeanne
John, it’s so hard to lose a friend like this, and it’s always too soon.
We have a young cat, almost 9 months old now, and I’m 63 so I think this will be our last kitty, she might even outlive us. Watching her grow up has been a joy, but the knowledge that her time here is so limited is sobering, a reminder to me to pay attention and not just take her presence for granted.
She gave us a scare in April, really thought we would lose her, and it was hard. Very hard.
It turned out she was merely very constipated, and I really didn’t have anything planned for our tax return money.
Fort Geek
My condolences.
LanceThruster
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/dog_paradox
GVN
Hi John,
Long time lurker here. Sorry to hear about Speak. I’m sure your brother must have tried several things. But, I was just wondering if he would want to check this link out, and see if any of the remedies suggested here would work:
http://www.naturalcatcareblog.com/2013/06/from-incurable-to-cancer-free-in-one-year-how-nate-the-cat-survived-high-grade-lymphoma/
Best,
GVN
Nikolita
@WereBear: I can’t even read this thread without crying. I have two cats, 4 and 10. The latter is overweight but (thankfully still) healthy, and I dread the day when she will eventually pass on. She was sitting beside me as I read everyone’s posts and I haz a bit of a sad now just thinking about it.
I’m sorry to hear about Speak.