Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We know you aren’t a Democrat but since you seem confused let me help you.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Republicans would impeach Biden if he bit into a whole Kit Kat rather than breaking the sections apart.

It looks like winning debates is a black job!

Let there be snark.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

…and a burning sense of injustice to juice the soul.

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

Never forget that he train is barreling down on Trump, even as he dances on the tracks.

I also would like a pony to improve my balloon juice experience.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

The arc of the moral universe doesn’t bend itself. it’s up to us.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Biden: Oh no. We’ve upset Big Pharma again.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Please don’t feed the bears.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

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69Comments

  4. 4.

    JGabriel

    Happy Birthday, Imani! Drink too much and drunk twitter us all night long.

    Or not, in the likely event that you have better things to do drunk all night long.

  5. 5.

    PsiFighter37

    Happy birthday. I ex-post bequeath all the dranks I’ve had today onto you in your honor.

    PF37 +6

    Also, too, Yatsuno has done a poor job of selling potential Seattle meetup next weekend. Just saiyng.

  11. 11.

    YellowJournalism

    Happy Birthday to the woman who regularly blows up Twitter. Get drunk and live tweet another messed-up movie.

  15. 15.

    Yatsuno

    @PsiFighter37: AHEM!! It has been mentioned several times by both myself and MikeJ. No FPer has picked up the hint however. Sigh. I shall adjust anon.

    EDIT: e-mail sent. Now I get to drive back home.

  20. 20.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Wait, black people are allowed to have birthdays? Does the Supreme Court know about this?

    KIDDING!! Happy happy birthday, Imani!

  22. 22.

    gbear

    Gah!! I just remembered it’s my sister’s birthday too. The big six-oh. I sent her a card but forgot to call. I think she wanted to ignore this one anyway so I’ll call her tomorrow.

    Happy Birthday Imani. (and also Ringo Starr)

  24. 24.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    Happy B-day! My dogs send doggie kisses, and my cats send their usual indifference.

  25. 25.

    burnspbesq

    Disabled list?

    Well, happy birthday, and get healthy soon. Your team needs you back in the lineup.

  28. 28.

    Tom Levenson

    You are too ridiculously young to have a birthday, but many happy ones nonetheless…

    [sings enthusiastically, violently off-key]

  29. 29.

    LesGS

    God danced the day you were born.
    The angels did the bump to Gabriel’s horn.
    God danced the day you were born,
    So grateful for the gift of you.

    I saw God do the funky chicken,
    Steppin’ and kickin’ in blue suede shoes.
    I saw God do the boogaloo,
    Too faced with the gift of you.

    I have heard some folks say that long ago,
    God could not dance to save his soul,
    But people, I seen him shake that jelly roll,
    Just thinking ’bout the gift of you.

    (My choir’s a capella birthday song. Happy birthday, Imani!)

  31. 31.

    PsiFighter37

    As this is open thread, Client #9 decided to run for NYC comptroller.

    If both he and Weiner win, NYC is going to be the butt of jokes for years. Ugh

  34. 34.

    JPL

    @PsiFighter37: Although you might be correct in your assumption, it’s seems hypocritical since Vitter is still in office. I’d run on the at least I didn’t wear a diaper ticket.

  38. 38.

    Poopyman

    For Our Very Special Angry Lady

    (Shhhh. You didn’t hear it from me, but I understand she’s also black.)

    Happy 29th, Imani!

  39. 39.

    PsiFighter37

    @JPL: that’s all good and fine. I can’t in good conscience vote for Spitzer. He actually broke the law, whereas Weiner broke whatever ethical code exists.

    I wish there was someone worthwhile voting for in the NYC mayoral race. And I hope Spittzer gets humiliated, because he fucking deserves it.

  43. 43.

    PsiFighter37

    @Soonergrunt: Well now you know. Don’t ignore your subjects, or else we will go William Wallace on your ass, minus the quartering of the body or the alcohol-fueled anti-Semitism.

  44. 44.

    BGinCHI

    Happy birthday ABL.

    Angry White Guy BG has a birthday tomorrow. You’d think Jeffrey could bake me a cake.

  45. 45.

    Ben W

    Happy birthday, ABL. I just stumbled across this, my new favorite sentence: “and, as well as all the people being happy, all the animals in Happyland are happy as well.”

  46. 46.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @BGinCHI: Hey happy birthday eve, man. Remind me and I’ll post some cute twin pictures tomorrow. I don’t want to twinjack ABL’s birthday thread.

    Many happy returns ABL and best to Nate Dogg,

  52. 52.

    Suzanne

    Happy damn birthday to you, ABL. Have to pay my respects to me elders.

    :::ducks:::

  55. 55.

    MikeBoyScout

    Wishing you a very Happy Birthday and many Angry returns Imani.
    Here’s mud in your eye!

  64. 64.

    dance around in your bones

    Hippie Birthday to you – have fun, get baked, keep on truckin’!

    Or whatever floats yer boat :)

  65. 65.

    Debbie(aussie)

    Happy birthday to a strong and able women who can movie mountains. We I have e so little exposure. To minorities so how can I help. I praise you highly.
    You also had my love and in the future maybe I can help. Love is universal Does not see colour or gender. Go fourth Amani and fight…… Best wishes Debs (a very white but non racist Aussie.
    May we move mountains all round the world BEST WISHES. Debs

  67. 67.

    Dee Loralei IPhone

    Love you, Imani. Happy birthday you gorgeous woman. And skritches to Nate Dog too! May your next year be better than your last year .

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