Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

One of our two political parties is a cult whose leader admires Vladimir Putin.

Not rolling over. fuck you, make me.

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

If you can’t control your emotions, someone else will.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

The only way through is to slog through the muck one step at at time.

If you don’t believe freedom is for everybody, then the thing you love isn’t freedom, it is privilege.

A norm that restrains only one side really is not a norm – it is a trap.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

This is dead girl, live boy, a goat, two wetsuits and a dildo territory.  oh, and pink furry handcuffs.

This fight is for everything.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Oh FFS you might as well trust a 6-year-old with a flamethrower.

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

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93Comments

  1. 1.

    Yatsuno

    Not. Enough. Brain. Bleach. In. Existence.

    House hunting bites. But I think I’m done.

  2. 2.

    The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik

    It could’ve been worse. He could’ve been wearing a hoodie. According to him, that may as well be the equivalent of a selfie with gang signs.

  3. 3.

    PsiFighter37

    I hope he never regrets it, because the Internet will never let him forget it.

  5. 5.

    SFAW

    Clueless Geraldos is certainly more accurate, although aimai’s suggestion would be good fun.

  7. 7.

    Amir Khalid

    Maybe there’s someone out there who sees the sex appeal in a chestful of salt-and-pepper hair.

  8. 8.

    Yatsuno

    @PsiFighter37: I think Jerry Rivers was born without the ability to regret. This is why he is constantly humiliating his children on TV. The fact that he has spawned is disturbing enough.

    @MattF: Objection: assumes facts not in evidence.

  9. 9.

    SFAW

    @Yatsuno:

    Forgive me, but the first image that popped into my tiny brain was of you, dressed up in hunter’s garb, whispering (into the “camera”) “Be vewy vewy quiet. I’m hunting wabbit houses!”

  10. 10.

    wmd

    How is the Boss jumping video project coming? You created demand for it, and we expect it soon.

    You can’t distract us with this Geraldo stuff.

  11. 11.

    red dog

    Why does this heathen have an audience? Maybe this is a last ditch attempt to be hip.

  12. 12.

    quannlace

    Well, he’s just trying to demonstrate that if Trayvon Martin had been shirtless he’d still be alive.

  13. 13.

    Yatsuno

    @SFAW: Ugh. It’s about the same level of frustration. I’m thinking I’ll be signing a lease tomorrow though. Two bedroom, two bath, almost double the space I have now, for about what I’m paying anyway. Plus no fucking psychotic condo association to deal with.

  14. 14.

    fleeting expletive

    Until just now, for the last three days when I would try to read this site, I would get a big red box warning that Balloon-Juice was infected with malware. What was up with that?

  15. 15.

    soonergrunt (mobile)

    I’m at Comic-Con (and you guys aren’t) so it occurs to me that this might not really be Geraldo, but an ironic cosplay, like the fat men who cosplay as Slave-Leia, for example…

  18. 18.

    Corner Stone

    So apparently, Geraldo Rivera decided what the world needed was for him to post a shirtless selfie to twitter.

    Maybe if you put him in the spare bedroom and just sat down in the center of the room he’d come to have an understanding of appropriate behavior?
    But may I suggest you not let him rub his scent glands all over you.

  22. 22.

    donnah

    Why Geraldo thinks anyone, anywhere would give a shit about anything he says or does is beyond me. He’s been a washed-up has been ever since he got started.

  24. 24.

    SFAW

    @donnah:

    Are you trying to tell me that the Al-Capone’s-safe thing wasn’t the model against which Politico – and all other investigative journamalism – has been measure since then?

  26. 26.

    Poopyman

    Just checking out the Newsmax headlines over there on the right. “Could liquid cancer ‘repellent’ be banned in the US?” makes me wonder what those rightards are grifting on now.

  27. 27.

    kdaug

    Oh, come on Cole. You know you’ve got a shirtless selfie in ya. 12 hours from now, a good bottle of scotch, happy kitty on the tum-tum…

    Your issue will be the logistics: How to get the camera far enough out, without making you look fat.

  30. 30.

    Yatsuno

    @Poopyman: Well if they can’t get that sweet sweet SS money out of the trust fund directly might as well fleece it out of Grandma while they’re still competent enough to write the check.

  32. 32.

    Burnspbesq

    Another away game for the US men’s national team. El Savador in Baltimore? Might as well play in San Salvador.

  33. 33.

    StringOnAStick

    @Poopyman: Oh, it’s grift alright, right down to the official sounding name with the lady scientist pinging the same ‘naughty librarian’ look that $arah had back when the GOP dressed her. I clicked to look; it’s one of those “make sure you have you speakers on” sites that when you attempt to close it asks “are you sure?”. Pure old fart click bait, with the “what the government doesn’t want you to know” tag line to accurately target anyone crazy enough to read Newsmax.

  34. 34.

    srv

    @fleeting expletive: It was listed as a cat pr0n site by teh Google.

    In other news, went to a “progressive” dinner event in rural TX and had to listen to Blue Dog Charlie Stenholm explain what is wrong with Congress. Being the only one there under 70, I worried an outburst might cause someone to keel over. Good thing my mom didn’t make it, she wouldn’t care.

  35. 35.

    MikeTheZ

    The fact that this bit of absurdity from our speaker leaves me unable to form coherent thoughts is why I’ll never be a famous blogger:

    Amid record-low productivity on Capitol Hill this year, House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, said Sunday that Congress should be judged on how many laws it repeals, rather than how many new laws lawmakers enact. “We should not be judged on how many new laws we create,” the nation’s top elected Republican said on CBS. “We ought to be judged on how many laws we repeal.”

    He does realize, by the way, that number is zero, right?

  36. 36.

    Amir Khalid

    @Poopyman:
    I clicked on it out of curiosity. It’s just the usual “miracle cure” quackery, nothing interesting or even amusing.

  37. 37.

    Aji

    @PsiFighter37: “I hope he never regrets it, because the Internet will never let him forget it.”

    FTFY.

    Also, too, Cole: What has been thought cannot be unthought, and I hope the Boss disciplines you appropriately for bringing up this matter in the first place. Tryna get stuff done here, and now I’ve got that image tryna get in my head? Thanks for nothin’.

  38. 38.

    kdaug

    @Burnspbesq:

    Dude, that is NOT an idea that you need to be planting in Cole’s head.

    Negative. This is precisely what Cole needs to do.

    “Small-Town Fat-Cole Slave-Leia” could get it’s own reality show.

  39. 39.

    MomSense

    I think shirtless selfie would be a great band name!

    How is the picture? Anything interesting like 3 nipples or nipple rings? Otherwise it is just a man desperately trying not to be forgotten.

  40. 40.

    Suzanne

    @Burnspbesq: If Cole ever tried to cos-play as Slave Leia, he would somehow manage to choke himself on the chain and fall over so hard his bra fell off and hit Rosie on the head so hard she’d be dizzy and throw up on his belly.

    You heard it here first.

  41. 41.

    Gin & Tonic

    @donnah: What propelled him to fame at the very beginning of his career was an expose of deplorable conditions at a state hospital for mentally disabled people (on Staten Island, NY.) He was typically overwrought, but that reporting changed the treatment of those people in New York and probably throughout the country.

    I’m not a fan of his, but that was real journalism 40 years ago.

  42. 42.

    Amir Khalid

    @MomSense:
    Three nipples? That makes me think of Christopher Lee as the title character in The Man with The Golden Gun.

  45. 45.

    Johnny Coelacanth

    @MikeTheZ: “that number is zero, right?” Sadly, No! Republican math only counts the number of attempts in the house to repeal the Affordable Care Act, so it’s at least 30-something, and extends to infinity when you take into account the imaginary mental hyper-legislating that goes on in the minds of the House Tea Party Caucus. So, yeah, they deserve some credit..

  46. 46.

    TOP123

    Shamelessly swiping (or promoting?) Mike G’s anagrams in a previous thread, ‘Atomic Arabs’ struck me as a pretty decent band name, and ‘A Combat Sari’ is kickass…

  48. 48.

    MattF

    @MikeTheZ: Y’know, that tugs at the ol’ heartstrings. A little. A very little. But still, I’d guess that The Orange One hadn’t anticipated that being Speaker involved more or less continual humiliation.

  50. 50.

    A Ghost To Most

    @red dog:

    Why does this heathen have an audience

    Easy there, Tex. Us heathens object to you putting him in our circle.

  51. 51.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Poopyman: I like the “VOTE IN OUR URGENT POLL NOW!” links. I just picture Uncle Earl yelling out from the computer room, the walls covered with signed photographs of Limbauh, Beck and Michelle Bachmann, “MARGE! Come and click on this poll. We’re gonna impeach Obama!”

    @MikeTheZ: I’m tempted to watch the video to see how Schieffer reacts, but Boehner’s been saying incredibly stupid stuff for years (gov’t can’t create jobs, taxation is theft, Eric Cantor is my friend) for years, and it’s never challenged. I originally typed “stupid and ignorant”, but under the theory that ignorant can be fixed, I think we’re gonna have to leave Das Boner as just plain stupid.

  52. 52.

    MikeTheZ

    @Johnny Coelacanth: He said “Congress” not “The House”. Last time I checked, not a single one of those 38 repeals made it to Obama’s desk, nor got his signature. Of course, Boner probably believes the House is all of Congress, so….

  56. 56.

    gnomedad

    @wmd:

    Balloon Juice has been thoroughly scrubbed – it was infested and now it isn’t.

    And now Cole posts this.

  58. 58.

    Mandalay

    @MomSense:

    How is the picture? Anything interesting like 3 nipples or nipple rings?

    Well, it’s not too surprising that his body is actually in very good shape for a man of his age. If it wasn’t he wouldn’t have posted the picture.

    But the really icky thing about the picture – and I mean really creepy sicko icky – is not his body, but the fact that he chose to yank his pants down to just above the pubic hair line.

    Otherwise it is just a man desperately trying not to be forgotten.

    This.

  59. 59.

    wmd

    @gnomedad:

    Misdirection to keep us from commenting on his gross dereliction of duty in not posting a video of Boss jumping.

    Look at the comments – it is working. But maybe I can bring us back to a discussion of what we all want – Boss jump video.

  62. 62.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    Woohoo! Nice goal by Clarence Goodson!

  66. 66.

    Corner Stone

    @wmd:

    But maybe I can bring us back to a discussion of what we all want

    What do you mean? I for one am excited to hear what kind of box jump Geraldo can clear.
    I’m also eager to see how Geraldo reacts to new visitors.

  68. 68.

    cathyx

    No one needs to see a man in his 70’s posing. Period. But the fact that he pulled his pants down to almost showing his genitalia made this way over the top.

  70. 70.

    wmd

    There’s a little motorcycle race going on today out here on California’s Central Coast. One of the two MotoGP races in the US this year.

    Nicky Hayden won’t be riding Ducati after this year. Rossi is still riding Yamaha.

  71. 71.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    Man, the US has El Salvador on the ropes. Another gol before the half and this will, no doubt, turn into a rout.

    ETA: And then Zelaya shuffles the deck.

  74. 74.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    Geraldo no doubt longing for the glory days, hoping to become an embedded reporter again.

  76. 76.

    ? Martin

    @wmd: I love racing, but have mixed feelings about MotoGP. Though there’s only been two deaths in the last decade, it’s a goddamn dangerous sport. Its exciting, and those riders are really amazing at what they do, but having been 20 years since Senna was killed (and aside from Massa’s freak accident, my expectations for racing safety due to F1 have really gone up. Antonelli dying today is just fucking stupid. They shouldn’t be racing in that kind of rain. F1 can do it because if you hit another car you can’t see due to the spray, you’re almost certain to be fine. But in Moto, you’re doing to high side as Antonelli did and
    you’ve got a high likelihood of dying.

  78. 78.

    wmd

    @? Martin:

    Damn right they shouldn’t be racing in those conditions. Visibility was horrible, and how can a racer know he’s on his line if he can’t see?

    A high side crash shouldn’t be fatal. Video of the crash looked like he should have survived, he’s off the bike and dumping momentum spinning in wet grass.

  79. 79.

    ? Martin

    @wmd:

    A high side crash shouldn’t be fatal.

    Depends entirely on how you land. And that’s the problem. I don’t know how you protect against that and still give riders enough head movement to ride.

  80. 80.

    Felonius Monk

    I do think that the Topless Geraldos would be an awesome bandname.

    Yeah, even better if it is an all female band.

  82. 82.

    Aji

    @cathyx: Wait – you actually went and looked? Or are you just guessing? I mean, I know it seems perfectly in character for such a malignant narcissist, but I wouldn’t willingly go looking for it . . . .

  84. 84.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    And Landycakes finally gets on the score sheet. US 4-1 El Salvador

  85. 85.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    The Headless Geraldos would be a better name. Their debut album would be called Al Capone’s Vault. There would be nothing on it. Fox would pimp it on their channels.

    It would sell millions.

  86. 86.

    Burnspbesq

    I have a beef with whoever is making Heather Mitts dress like Aunt Bea from the Andy Griffith Show.

  87. 87.

    cathyx

    @Aji: Yes, I looked at it on another site before it was posted here. It’s worth looking at if you just want to know what we’re talking about.

  90. 90.

    Mnemosyne

    @cathyx:

    There are many celebrities I have no desire to see naked, so I see no need to rush over and look at the picture. Maybe if it was, “Huh, he looks surprisingly good for his age,” like when there were photos of Helen Mirren in a bikini last year, I might be curious, but if it’s just an old dude with no shirt on, why bother to look?

  93. 93.

    Fred

    Saw that shot on Wonkette. To be fair his body looked like he is in great shape. Trouble was the face on that body not so much. The towel draped across his willy parts was a bit creapy but hey, it’s Geraldo so creapy is to be expected.

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