If I had a Utahraptor like Jesus did, the first thing I would do is get him certified as a therapy Utahraptor so that I could take him to work.
Discuss.
by Tim F| 62 Comments
This post is in: Open Threads
If I had a Utahraptor like Jesus did, the first thing I would do is get him certified as a therapy Utahraptor so that I could take him to work.
Discuss.
Comments are closed.
Wag
Only after mounting lasers on thr dino’s head
peach flavored shampoo
Would a Utahraptor be Mormon by default?
Chris
I went straight to dinosaur comics to see what Utahraptor had done today. Sadly this was unrelated. But It was good to see T-Rex and the crew.
The Ancient Randonneur
It would make more sense if he had a brontosaurus. Neither one of the are quite what we originally lead to believe they were.
kindness
Just wonderin’….Is it that you would like to introduce some co-workers to said Utahraptor? Human Resources, well, I don’t think that is what the term is supposed to mean.
schrodinger's cat
Sorry, this does not pass purr review.
Knight of Nothing
@peach flavored shampoo: in a related note, would it be wrong to take the said utahraptor to meet Ann Romney’s dancing therapy horses?
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
I would create havoc and pillage.
NotMax
@peach flavored shampoo
Yeah, Bambiraptor sounds more turn-the-other-cheeky.
ericblair
I guess everybody is getting the wingnut ad with the bubble-butt Kazakh-looking chick. So your average teatard clicks on the link, and instead of moar bubble butz he gets a half-hour pulchritude-free screed on the rightwing political bullshit of the day. Does said teatard get pissed off that he was jerked around (and presumably not off), or does the thought of moar bubble butz get pushed out of his brain by the new infusion of wingnut talking points and he therefore ends up satisfied with his actions?
Betty Cracker
@ericblair: I haven’t clicked on it, but I’m SO sick of looking at that ad.
schrodinger's cat
@Betty Cracker: No Script, no pesky ads.
Botsplainer
If you rode into the copy room on a Utahraptor, everybody would step away to give you first crack at copies.
Ash Can
Just think of the tax writeoff you could get for your pet Utahraptor, especially if you were to bring him to your local IRS office to introduce him to all the nice accountants and tax lawyers there.
Another Holocene Human
@schrodinger’s cat: Has anyone figured out what the random crash bug is for Firefox? It’s not a script… I shut them all off, even youtube. Just sometimes when I load a page Firefox with crash. It only happens on Balloon-Juice.com. Sometimes after commenting, sometimes not.
The Dangerman
Would you take snacks for the Utahraptor or just feed it co-workers that piss you off (starting with the Rightwingers, natch)?
ETA: I suppose the latter would be, by definition, therapy.
MikeJ
@Another Holocene Human: Try creating a new profile in firefox.
kindness
@ericblair: Every time I see that ad at the top right here at BJ I consider whether her pic is photoshopped or not. I suspect her ass is if nothing else.
schrodinger's cat
@Another Holocene Human: I am using Firefox on Windows 7 Professional and I haven’t had this problem.
kindness
@schrodinger’s cat: That was happening to me last week some at work and this weekend at home but not today….so far.
Davis X. Machina
When I was six I tried to convince the family to get an elephant.
You can park them by having the elephant wrap his trunk around the meter pole, and they’re prehensile enough to feed in another quarter when the meter runs down.
This argument was not entirely successful…
Suffern ACE
Hmm. I apologize for turning down your application, but at 28 feet in length, the Utahaptor presents a worker safety hazard. Basically folks would be tripping over its tail since it would be sticking out of even the largest cubicle. It would probably be blocking fire exits as well. On the bright side, your request to telecommute is fast tracked for approval.
rikyrah
Tone in DC
Raptors (Utah, Toronto, Western Digital or otherwise) are overrated. For pure unadulterated destruction and chaos, give me Godzilla.
I added this to a prior thread, which degenerated into a flame war about something or other.
Yatsuno
@Ash Can: There are tax accountants and lawyers at IRS offices?
Tone in DC
@Davis X. Machina:
Try to find a big enough litter box.
Just try it.
MattF
I’m glad that we’ve finally gotten to the topic of Ms. Bubblebutt. I confess that the possibility of clicking on it never occurred to me.
burnspbesq
@Ash Can:
Ha. I have it on good authority that Yats eats Utahraptors for lunch.
Hungry Joe
A friend recently pointed out that once cameras were added to cell phones, reports of alien abductions stopped. I gave him the only logical explanation: The aliens knew the jig was up and took their infernal flying sex laboratories to a less consumer-electronics-advanced planet.
rikyrah
EXCLUSIVE: Meet the Love Child Rev. Sun Myung Moon Desperately Tried to Hide
How the family values crusader made the publisher of the Washington Times raise his secret son.
—By Mariah Blake
Mon Dec. 9, 2013 5:00 AM GMT
When the Washington Times threw its 20th anniversary gala in 2002, conservative luminaries lined up to pay tribute, including Ronald Reagan, who addressed the packed ballroom via video. Afterward, the paper’s enigmatic founder, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, took the podium. “Even before the term ‘family value’ became a popular phrase, every day of the week the Times was publishing articles highlighting the breakdown in values and what must be done to return to a good, moral society,” he said, through a translator. “Today, family values have become an essential piece of the social fabric in America, even becoming part of the political landscape. We can be proud of the Washington Times’ contribution that promoted and elevated family values to an essential part of society in America and the world!”
Moon, the founder of the South Korea-based Unification Church, which had hundreds of thousands of adherents at its peak, claimed to be on a divine mission to salvage humanity by rebuilding the traditional family. Before his death last year at age 92, the self-proclaimed messiah—who was known for marrying off his followers in mass weddings—presided over a multibillion-dollar business empire. And he plowed huge sums of money into politics, launching a vast network of media outlets and front groups that promoted conservative family values and left a lasting mark on the modern-day GOP.
But this family values crusader harbored a secret. While he was promoting marriage as the solution to society’s woes and inveighing against “free sex,” his personal life was full of philandering—including at least one adulterous relationship that produced a son. To hide the boy’s identify from his followers, Moon instructed his right-hand man, who was also the founding president and publisher of the Washington Times, to raise the child. Moon’s illegitimate son, Sam Park, who is now 47 years old and lives in Arizona, also helped guard his father’s secret, by staying silent. Until now.
Park, who has shaggy salt-and-pepper hair and a mellow demeanor, resides in Phoenix with his 77-year-old mother, Annie Choi. Their story, which I touched on in a recent article about the unraveling of Moon’s empire in The New Republic, casts a spotlight on the hidden history of Moon’s church, a strange but influential institution that has maintained close ties to the Republican Party since the Reagan era.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/12/reverend-moon-unification-church-washington-times-secret-son
fuckwit
@Hungry Joe: http://xkcd.com/1235/
burnspbesq
@Yatsuno:
There’s a whole rat’s nest of lawyers at 915 Second. A couple of my best buds from my Counsel days are in that office, but they’re LB&I, so you’re not likely to have any dealings with them.
Steeplejack
@Another Holocene Human:
I am using Firefox 25.0.1 on both Windows 7 Professional and Windows XP (different machines) and haven’t seen this problem at all. I do have Adblock Plus enabled.
Botsplainer
@Hungry Joe:
People aren’t getting lost to aliens/vortices/monsters in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, either. GPS was a sneaky plot to hide the truth.
rikyrah
Melissa Harris-Perry: ‘Obamacare’ a ‘Derogatory Term’ Conceived by ‘Wealthy White Men’
by Noah Rothman | 9:42 am, December 9th, 2013
MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry opened her program over the weekend with a commentary about the Affordable Care Act’s colloquial moniker: “Obamacare.” She said that the word was originally created as a “derogatory term,” designed by white men as a way to delegitimize President Barack Obama and his achievement. However, she said that the term will soon be synonymous with all of Obama’s accomplishments and she urged her audience to use the term with pride.
“I want to talk today about a controversial word. It’s a word that has been with us for years, and like it or not, it’s indelibly printed in the pages of American history,” Harris-Perry opened. “A word that was originally intended as a derogatory term, meant to shame and divide and demean.”
“The word was conceived of by a group of wealthy white men who needed a way to put themselves above and apart from a black man; to render him inferior and unequal and to diminish his accomplishments,” she continued.
“At first, he rose above it, hoping that if he could just make a cause for what he achieved, his opponents would fail in making their label stick,” Harris-Perry added. “But no matter how many successes that he had as president, he realized there were still many people for whom he’d never be anything more than that one disparaging word.”
She said the president eventually embraced the term, and so should Obama’s supporters. “Because he knows that of all his victories over two terms in office his legacy is ultimately going to be remembered for this one single word,” the MSNBC host declared.
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/melissa-harris-perry-obamacare-a-derogatory-term-conceived-by-wealthy-white-men/
MikeJ
@rikyrah:
I wonder if the Cruz is already whining about not being given an opportunity for rebuttal.
Davis X. Machina
@Tone in DC: At the time we lived on a glacial drumlin. After six inches of topsoil — mostly ex-pine needles come to that — it was kitty litter all the way to China.
Hungry Joe
@fuckwit: Okay … apparently my friend reads xkcd more often than I do. Seems he quotes without attribution, too.
Still, you have to feel for those aliens — a little bit, anyway — wandering the galaxy in search of sexy abduction thrills, always having to stay one step ahead of a critical advance in consumer technology. Poor little guys …
NotMax
@Tone in DC
The interior courtyard of the Pentagon?
Tim F.
@The Dangerman: Of course not. He would be a therapy dinosaur. You just think Utahraptors are scary because you never met one.
Yatsuno
@burnspbesq: Yeah well…we don’t talk about them. Of course I should be nicer since some of them might be nice enough to give me some of their use or lose leave here soon.
catclub
@kindness: I thought the ad for oil drilling equipment was particularly well targeted to the BJ demographic.
fuckwit
@MikeJ: Hee hee, and look at the complete llst of speakers. Lots of leftists, socialists, and communists, even Castro’s kid! Hmmm…. it almost makes you think that the end of apartheid in South Africa, and the victory and life’s work of Nelson Mandela, was a triumph of socialism and the left. Aaaand… maybe that’s because it was. The idea of Cruz going and hanging out with Castro’s kid is awesome, though. I wonder what Cruz’s dad will think about that.
Yatsuno
@catclub: Fracking: fun for the whole family! Kids will love having their drinking water light on fire!
West of the Cascades
@fuckwit: Raul Castro is Fidel Castro’s brother, but your point re: Cruz is well-taken.
Roger Moore
@ericblair:
I was sort of wondering if the choice of a big butt girl instead of a big tits girl was somehow meaningful. You know, have they gotten worse clickthroughs recently and chosen a different look, are they targeting a different subset of wingnuts, etc. Because the change in looks is quite obvious.
scav
@Yatsuno: You got something against their poverty outreach, low-income combined heating, lighting and entertainment package, huh huh?! Make those kids really sick and those deadbeat parents might even drag the little post-snowflakes to the ERs for some of that there free healthcare too!
? Martin
I would set the utahraptor on fire because it’s noon and still 60 degrees in my office, with no hot water in the bathroom. I sent half of my staff home for medical reasons. This is idiotic. It’s not that cold here – running the heat on the few days that we need it, for the limited time we need it isn’t going to destroy the budget. I’m bringing gloves to work tomorrow – I can barely type. And I’m now beginning to suspect I may have gotten a bit of my grandmothers arthritis. Pinkies hurt when I bend them. That’s new.
TooManyJens
@Another Holocene Human:
I haven’t had it for a few days, maybe a week or so. But then, I haven’t commented much, and it only ever happened to me after commenting.
Jebediah, RBG
@Another Holocene Human:
I’m still getting it.
ETA: Just crashed posting this comment.
PurpleGirl
@schrodinger’s cat: Oh, yes, it does pass purr review. How could such a cute kitteh not pass purr review?
tybee
@Another Holocene Human:
i run windows 7 with firefox and have no issues….
ETA: i also have adblock installed.
gelfling545
Meant to put this in the education thread earlier if you are in NY and so inclined:
Regents Resolutions
Librarian
@ericblair: The woman in that ad is STARING STRAIGHT AT ME!!!! Aaaaahhhh!!!!!
Another Holocene Human
@TooManyJens: That happened to me, then it stopped, then it started crashing just because.
Citizen_X
@kindness:
I will need to make an in-person tactile inspection in order to make sure.
Sloane Ranger
House of Commons are paying tributes to Nelson Mandela having set aside normal business. Lots of memories of the Anti-Aparthaid Movement. Younger Tories saying we got it wrong in 70’s and 80’s.
Glad PM acknowleges this. One elderly Tory saying of course he was a great leader, he was royalty you know!
Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)
@Tone in DC:
LULZ. Awesome.
catclub
@Sloane Ranger: “Younger Tories”
Does Cameron count as younger? I just read that he was active in Pro-Apartheid groups in his College Republican asshole years.
And again, Truth and reconciliation might be a good thing. Whitewashing, not so much.
Sloane Ranger
@catclub: I missed his speech as I didn’t find out about it until it was well underway. One Tory MP said that he was glad that Cameron had acknowleged that the Tories had got it wrong
but I don’t know if he made a personal mea
culpa or a generalised one on behalf of the party as a whole. It will probably be on the i->player tomorrow. I’ll check it out and post tomorrow. Much gentle ribbing from Labour about the Tories late conversion to the cause.
schrodinger's cat
@PurpleGirl: Cute kitteh is giving the purr review, kitteh no approves this Utahraptor business!
Ken
@Suffern ACE:
People with Utahraptors get offices. And not those wimpy ones they put around the edges of the cubicle floors, real offices. Corner offices on the 28th floor.