So I was watching WVU do their best to lose to Marshall, and near the end of the game, there was a commercial for the cardiac unit at Ruby Memorial Hospital (which really is an amazingly good hospital), and after discussing the joint, they had a testimonial from this old guy who had had a heart attack, and he sang the praises of the unit, and then said “If it wasn’t for God and these doctors, I’d be dead.”
And look, he’s a sweet old guy, happy to be alive, but all I am doing while watching this is “WHY ARE YOU THANKING GOD FOR SAVING YOU- HE’S THE ONE THAT GAVE YOU THE HEART ATTACK IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?”
And look, I know that according to Fox News and a lot of people, thinking this makes me a horrible person, because right now we apparently have some sort of fucked up social contract that I never agreed to where we all have to pretend we are shoulder deep up Santa’s pasty white Jesus blessed ass, but for fuck’s sake. Why does God get credit for all the good shit?
Every Super Bowl winner praises God. The losers gather and pray. Leon Festinger, anyone? How come no one on the losing side ever mans up in front of the camera and says “Jesus screwed us.”