Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

In my day, never was longer.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Bark louder, little dog.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

The revolution will be supervised.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

This fight is for everything.

Eh, that’s media spin. biden’s health is fine and he’s doing a good job.

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Late Night Open Thread: Here’s Hoping

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  2. 2.

    Dog Dawg Damn

    In my dream fantasy, President Obama trolls Trump so hard that Trump assigns a special prosecutor to go after him for the birth certificate nonsense, and public opinion shifts dramatically against him, leading to his impeachment.

    When he won’t office, the Congressional Sergeant-at-arms has to drag him out of the White House, handcuffed and screaming like a lunatic. His tiny hands slip through the cuffs and he runs away like a common criminal, all on live TV.

  3. 3.

    Mnemosyne

    I know that some people were upset because they thought Obama’s remarks about how he would have beaten Trump were a slam on Hillary, but now I’ve gotta agree that they were designed to get under Trump’s skin, and succeeded admirably. Well played, Mr. President.

  5. 5.

    Aleta

    @MomSense: Is your water problem, the flooding, OK now? It sounded grim, and on Christmas Eve.

    I had a break too. Thought it was solved, but today the pipes said “not so fast.” Apparently some places were never soldered, but should have been.

  7. 7.

    divF

    Now that there’s a fresh thread, I can tell you all my happy Holiday story…

    Around December 1, Grand-mere divF (Madame divF’s mother), was taken to the hospital in an ambulance due to respiratory distress. This quickly evolved into a serious heart arrhythmia, which took some time to get under control. After about 10 days, Grand-mere said, enough, she was dying, and wanted to do so at home. So she went on hospice, was moved home with 24-hour home health care aides, and started saying her goodbyes to her family and friends. She was very weak, bed-bound and sleeping 22 hours / day. Madame divF is a geriatrics and hospice physician who was going to make sure that her mother was going to get the best possible care consistent with the latter’s wishes; she has been with her from the start. Fortunately, the whole family lives in the greater Bay Area, so everyone was available to help out and be there.

    However, last Friday morning, Grand-mere woke up and was feeling much better, alert and awake. She started staying awake most of the day, eating regularly, and back to her very sociable self (Grand-mere is 88 and had been living on her own and very active up until this last event). Madame, seeing the change, confirmed with Grand-mere that it looked like she wasn’t quite ready to leave us yet, and they started on a program of physical therapy. Today was the first big milestone, which was Grand-mere getting out of bed and sitting in a chair for 30 min.

    She is far from being out of the woods, though. She is still bed-bound, the extent of the damage to her heart is unknown, as is the extent of any further damage to her lungs – either could do her in. But for the moment, Grand-mere is back with us, optimistic and in full command of her faculties. We got lucky, but Madame divF’s expertise as a physician has enabled her to take the best advantage of the luck (you’ll have to take my word on this – the details are really TMI). Also, the home health aides – a pair of middle-aged Fijian women – have been real champs.

  8. 8.

    hellslittlestangel

    @Dog Dawg Damn: Yeah, I’m sure this Congress will impeach Trump, right after they jack up the capital gains tax and increase funding to Planned Parenthood.

  9. 9.

    Couldn't Stand the Weather

    …President Obama trolls Trump so hard that Trump assigns a special prosecutor to go after him for the birth certificate nonsense, and public opinion shifts dramatically against him, leading to his impeachment.

    When he won’t office, the Congressional Sergeant-at-arms has to drag him out of the White House, handcuffed and screaming like a lunatic. His tiny hands slip through the cuffs and he runs away like a common criminal, all on live TV.

    I utterly and categorically despise reality TV. But this scenario you depict, I could actually watch this.
    Oh, and Trumpenstein would not “scream like a lunatic”. He’d scream because he is, and always has been, a lunatic (FTFY).

  11. 11.

    Yarrow

    @divF: Wow! A real Christmas miracle. Well, almost Christmas. Glad for you and Madame and hope she continues to improve and live her life on her own terms.

  13. 13.

    Mnemosyne

    @divF:

    Hooray! I hope Grand-mere continues to improve. Our family’s women tend to be pretty long-lived (like into their mid-90s) and I’m hoping to continue that streak if possible.

  14. 14.

    divF

    @Major Major Major Major: I know. Hospice, Madame, Grand-mere all agreed that this was it. Then things turned around very suddenly. Madame divF was asked by her engineer siblings WTF? Her answer: biological systems are very nonlinear, and things can (and often do) change suddenly.

  15. 15.

    Mnemosyne

    @Aleta:

    Sounds like people who want to host such parties should be proactive and ask their friendly neighborhood fire marshal if he can stop by and point out any potential issues. Most fire departments are happy to perform such services and the hosts might find out a few safety tips into the bargain.

    Plus having the fire marshal inspect first will help in case someone does decide to be an asshole and call when the party happens.

  20. 20.

    Brachiator

    @Mnemosyne:

    but now I’ve gotta agree that they were designed to get under Trump’s skin, and succeeded admirably. Well played, Mr. President.

    The last time Obama got under the guy’s skin, Trump decided to run for president.

    Be careful what you wish for.

  21. 21.

    Mnemosyne

    The thing that always amuses me about cats is that they get into their own routines and get annoyed if those routines are interrupted. I’m sitting on a specific side of the couch and Keaton is sitting on the arm waiting for me to get up because I’m sitting in the spot where he likes to nap this time of night. Normally, I would already be heading for bed, but since I’m off work this week, I’m still in the living room.

  22. 22.

    hitchhiker

    I want lots and lots of video of both Obamas and both Clintons laughing out loud. As Al Franken has noted, there is no evidence that DT ever laughs. He smirks, he grins, he bares his teeth, but try to find video of him actually laughing … doesn’t seem to exist.

    Isn’t that weird?

    Anyway, those of us not charged with important political or military tasks would do ourselves and the world a favor if we find plenty of opportunities to crack up at the sheer absurdity of a DT presidency. I suspect he’ll hate it, just like at that infamous Correspondents Dinner when Obama let him have it and the room was tickled to death.

  23. 23.

    Mnemosyne

    @Brachiator:

    I think Putin and Netanyahu are going to regret Trump’s election within about 6 months of Inauguration Day. Of course, that means the rest of us are going to be left holding the bag.

  24. 24.

    seaboogie

    @divF: Thank you for sharing such a lovely story. I am sure your bride knows that hospice does not always lead to an immediate end, though elasticity in recovery gets shortened as our years add up. However when it’s your own parent, and that is what you do for a living, fear and experience will tend to supercede hope, even when that is possible. Good wishes to Granny divF and you and yours, whatever the coming days may bring….

  28. 28.

    JordanRules

    Mocking and trolling for distraction is a real tool against this tool.

    I know people think he does it as well but most of the time I think it’s just off the cuff BS that fulfills his ego trip. Bannon and others make use of it at times for sure. But he is not a media genius. They were already effed up and primed for him.

    So troll and mock on! It may save us from a few bombs. It also may make you feel a bit better which helps lead to action.

  30. 30.

    Major Major Major Major

    @Mnemosyne: Maine Coons have sort of a magical quality that orange tabbies lack.

    We should have all the BJ authors name all of our characters the same and see if anybody notices. Given the names of my characters though this might be weird for some of y’all.

  33. 33.

    James Powell

    @hitchhiker:

    just like at that infamous Correspondents Dinner when Obama let him have it and the room was tickled to death.

    And then Trump ran for president and won. Whenever I read calls to mock or satirize the Evil Ones, I think of Woody Allen’s advice.

  34. 34.

    seaboogie

    @Major Major Major Major:

    If you had to pick a kind of cat to be “least magical”–like, least wizardly/witchy–what would it be? I’m leaning an orange tabby named Oscar.

    One of those floppy eared cats that are especially popular in Japan – they just look confused.

    My little old Tux seems to be waning again – literally so – she’s getting awfully scrawny with limited appetite this week. I’m away in a couple of weeks for me Pa’s wedding, so I am a bit concerned. Landlord who lives in adjacent residence will look after her, but I think I’ll have to advise him that if she doesn’t survive (she’s 21), just roll her into a towel and pop her in the freezer, and I’ll deal with her when I return. But she’s rallied more than once before, and might do so again.

    The hard part of having these wonderful companions of many long years is that we just get used to having each other around, and I’d rather be here when she passes/facilitate that with some ease.

  35. 35.

    LesGS

    @Adam Freeman: Bush had a lot of things to be ashamed of by the end of his terms, and wisely removed himself from the public eye. His favorability rating was 22% when he left, and he had nothing helpful to add to the efforts to turn the economy, etc. around.

    Obama has any number of avenues open to him to help the US deal with the oncoming Trumpian onslaught, and with a current approval rating of 57% (Gallup), he has many millions of fellow Americans who would welcome his efforts.

  40. 40.

    Mike G

    His favorability rating was 22% when he left, and he had nothing helpful to add to the efforts to turn the economy, etc. around.

    Bush was a lazy, proudly-ignorant fool who seemed disinterested in any aspect of the job that didn’t gratify his ego. He had little helpful to add to any problem-solving even when he was President.
    Why does that remind me of someone…

  41. 41.

    seaboogie

    @Major Major Major Major: Actually, the Scottish Folds look pretty badass. If you google “floppy eared cat” you get the the ones that look like they just came out of the dryer with your socks and underpants – mos def not the domestic assassins we harbor.

    Thank you for your nod to my kitty, and as she is 21, we are both kind of in the zone of “just maintaining”. The familiarity of it all is sweet. Pee-pads, a soft bed and a kitty warming pad make it all much more agreeable for both of us.

  42. 42.

    Anne Laurie

    @Major Major Major Major:

    If you had to pick a kind of cat to be “least magical”–like, least wizardly/witchy–what would it be? I’m leaning an orange tabby named Oscar.

    I’d go plain tiger-tabby, the Default Cat Color (inherited from their wild ancestors). If you want his circumstances to change, you can always have his stripes change, subtly or not.

    Anecdote are not data, but every orange tabby I’ve known (including my current housemate Rocket) has been more than a bit of a pirate — and at least a little off-center.

    To be fair, the only brown tabby I’ve ever lived with was a BOGO — the shelter wouldn’t let us take the cute blue-cream feral kitten we wanted unless we took her plain-vanilla sibling as well. Toby turned out to be a girl too, despite the “male” note on her intake records, and always a little bit nerd-awkward, for every day of her almost 18 years with us. (Her sister Isis was irresistibly feminine and very not-human-oriented; Toby was like an angry high-schooler cross-dressing out of insecurity.) Her coat also, very slowly, turned from ‘tabby’ to ‘torby’ — sometime around her tenth birthday, she developed a tortoiseshell black-and-orange ‘blanket’ that gradually usurped the stripes on her body, tail, and the top of her head. BECAUSE SHE COULD, OKAY???

  44. 44.

    The Lodger

    @Mnemosyne: Putting together the crew for that musical was a feat of recruiting that was only matched by the assembly of the Trump Cabinet.
    President Bialystock!

  46. 46.

    Patricia Kayden

    @divF: Good to hear!!

    @Adam Freeman: Why? He’s a pretty popular President at the end of his time in office. He has zero reasons to stay in the shadows and Democrats (and democracy) needs his voice.

  48. 48.

    Mai.naem.mobile

    @Adam Freeman: I think Lumpy has broken all norms. If a normal GOPr had won I think Obama would be staying on the sidelines. Lumpy is cray cray. I don’t think Obama has a choice.

  49. 49.

    Fred

    Really enjoyed seeing both the original and updated versions of “Springtime for Hitler” back to back. It was all so grand.
    Thanks for the links.

  50. 50.

    Betty Cracker

    @divF: That is wonderful news! Hope Grand-mere continues to improve and stays around until she’s damn well ready to move on.

    @Mai.naem.mobile: Agree with the sentiment. I am also warming to the nickname “Lumpy.” Short, deadly accurate and sure to be annoying to, well, Lumpy!

  53. 53.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Maine Coons have sort of a magical quality that orange tabbies lack.

    I’ve had orange male tabbies and have had a Maine Coon, hell I’ve even had a cat named Oscar.

    Maine Coons have a magical quality far and away beyond what I’ve experienced with the plethora of cats we’ve had over the years. If you can get one, get one, you won’t regret it.

  54. 54.

    cmorenc

    @Dog Dawg Damn:

    When he won’t office, the Congressional Sergeant-at-arms has to drag him out of the White House, handcuffed and screaming like a lunatic. His tiny hands slip through the cuffs and he runs away like a common criminal, all on live TV.

    This is the O.J. Simpson chase scene remake, with the Cheeto Benito playing the part of O.J. Simpson.

  55. 55.

    Elmo

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage: I suspect that one of my cats is a Maine Coon. He’s huge, for one thing, and his coat is luxurious and thick. He’s affectionate to everyone, including the 160lb Anatolian Shepherd. He has enormous clown feet. But he has the highest-pitched, squeakiest meow I’ve ever heard from a full-grown cat. It’s ridiculous coming from this massive elegant beast.
    Oh – and he drools when he’s happy. So I get this great heavy furry creature purring and kneading on my chest, and I have to change shirts because it gets soaked.

  56. 56.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    @Dog Dawg Damn: I honest think the more likely case considering Trump’s curious behavior like constant 3:00am tweets and age Trump simply dies in office from the strain. Trump is older that Reagan when Reagan took office and as we have seen over the last year people just start dying in their 70s. Of course then we will get “St Trump, American Maryter” and conservatives playing fantasy politics over what a wonderful president Trump would have been, if only.

  57. 57.

    MomSense

    @Aleta:

    Water problem is solved but my bedroom floor will need to be replaced and part of one wall. UGH. Hope your problem is solved ASAP.

  59. 59.

    hovercraft

    @Mnemosyne:

    I know that some people were upset because they thought Obama’s remarks about how he would have beaten Trump were a slam on Hillary, but now I’ve gotta agree that they were designed to get under Trump’s skin, and succeeded admirably. Well played, Mr. President.

    He was totally trolling the shitgibbon, and in no way slamming Hillary. He spoke the truth, he would have knocked the crap out of him, the funny thing is that many of the purity trolls who ‘couldn’t’ bring themselves to vote for Hillary because she was too close to the banks, TPP, and her failure in Benghazi, would have had no problem voting for Obama, who as the president actually bailed out those banks, and ‘refused’ to prosecute anyone*. Obama is simply more likeable, and charismatic than she is, and that would have made the difference in the places that mattered, and you cannot fault a person for a lack of charisma, the likeability I blame on the media for harping in every single darn story, whether positive or negative, that she was just not likable or trustworthy. It was a constant drumbeat into the voters till they absorbed the fact that they didn’t like or trust her, when asked why, they said they just didn’t, mission accomplished GOPmedia.

    * I know that most of what the banks was legal, their lobbyists made sure of that when they wrote the laws. One can quibble about fraud, but when it is written into the law that you don’t have an obligation to do what is best for your client, but instead what is most profitable for the shareholders, (including yourself), then there is not a lot available for you to be prosecuted for. For those who scoff at that, answer me this, don’t you think there are hot shot ambitious prosecutors who would have loved to go after the bankers to make a name for themselves? I’m looking at both Schniederman and Preet Bharara.

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