I had a spot of boy trouble in middle school once. Nothing overly dramatic, just the usual teen angst. My mom shared the following insight:
She was right. I sure do miss her. I’d give anything to hear her rant about Donald Trump. It would be an expletive-laden tirade that would make us all laugh. What mild talent I have for insults and stringing curse word together, I learned at her knee, probably during the Watergate hearings. She loathed Nixon.
Please feel free to share any good advice or sound insights you received from your mom here. Or discuss whatever — open thread!
DaDorq
My mom tried to teach me not to say anything about someone unless I could say it to his or her face. Her meaning was, don’t talk about people behind their backs, be nice, so on and so forth. Of course, the lesson I learned was to not let someone’s presence stop me from saying whatever I had to say about them. lol Here’s to moms. They try!
rikyrah
Trump Just Incriminated Himself
By Andrew Sullivan
……………………..
The core concern was always deeper than this. It was that Trump doesn’t understand the Constitution he has sworn to protect; that he would abuse his executive power, to lash out at enemies; that he would undermine the rule of law by trying to get his way, consequences be damned; that he would turn vital democratic institutions, such as the Justice Department and the FBI, into mere handmaidens of his own interest, rather than guarantors of the public’s. And it is clear to me that the firing of Comey — while within the president’s Constitutional powers — falls squarely into this category. To fire someone who is conducting an investigation into your own campaign cannot help but be seen as an interference with the rule of law. It is to cast doubt on the integrity of that investigation, and its future. It undermines public confidence that the executive branch can enforce the law against itself. It politicizes what should not be politicized. It crosses a clear line.
And it also crosses a line when you keep lying brazenly about why you did it. You don’t pin it on Rod Rosenstein. You don’t pretend it’s about “showboating.” You don’t ludicrously argue that you’ve just finally realized that Comey did Hillary wrong. You don’t also say that you were going to fire him anyway. You don’t say the FBI was in turmoil under Comey, when it wasn’t. And you don’t say you want to get to the bottom of the matter when you have already declared the entire story a hoax. More to the point, you don’t lie about all these things and then go on television and blurt out the truth: “When I decided to just do it [fire Comey], I said to myself, I said, you know, this Russian thing with Trump and Russia … is a made up story, it’s an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election.” Read that again. The president has just said on national television that the Russia investigation was in the front of his mind when he decided impulsively to fire Comey. He has admitted he wanted to remove the FBI director because his investigation — which is fast intensifying — was targeting his campaign. That is called obstruction of justice. His spokeswoman yesterday reiterated that, after the Comey firing, the administration hoped the Russia investigation, which was trivial, would be wound up soon.
We also learned overnight that, according to sources close to Comey, just seven days after his inauguration, Trump invited the former FBI director to a private dinner. At the dinner, he twice asked him for his personal loyalty. Comey demurred, as any decent FBI director should. But the very idea that a president should ask the FBI director this is astonishing and deeply disturbing. It’s an attempt — just a week into his presidency — to control an agency he absolutely must not control.
All of this is simply unacceptable. An attempt to obstruct justice is an impeachable offense. And Trump has just openly admitted to such a thing. When, one wonders, will the patriots in the Republican Party stand up and confront this? If Clinton had done such a thing, the House would be drawing up articles of impeachment right now. We saw their pusillanimity last spring as this malign buffoon manhandled his way to the nomination. It has not abated. Comey may have made mistakes; he may have had a Messiah complex; he may go down in history as a self-righteous prick who interfered in an election. But he is obviously and transparently independent — the key criterion for any FBI director. He has angered both Democrats and Republicans over the years — and this very ability to stand up to the Bush administration and the Clinton campaign at critical moments made him someone you could count on to get to the bottom of the Russia affair. I might add: I’m a skeptic about whether there’s anything there on the Russia stuff that directly implicates Trump in criminal dealings. But Comey was my reassurance that someone would have the tools to get to the bottom of it, whatever it was. Now, if I am not to be stupefyingly naive, I have to assume the president is guilty of something and is busy rigging the system to stymie any attempt to bring potential traitors to justice. And yes: This is about the possibility of treason against our democratic system. And the president, chumming it up with Lavrov and Kislyak the next day, seems incensed that there is even an investigation at all.
SiubhanDuinne
We didn’t swear in my family* — I once heard my mother say “Dammit to hell!” and was shocked — but as she got older (or, perhaps, as I did) she shared some wicked dirty limericks with me. She would have loathed Trump, and I suspect she would have liked your mom. I know I would have!
*(The way we usually knew she was angry was hearing a clenched-teeth “How exceedingly provoking!”)
aimai
My mother has said many wise things but the one that I come back to over and over again, as I watch the human comedy, is “People get married in the present, and then they start living in the past.“
Ken Pidcock
Thank you for helping me to remember my mother. She likewise loathed Nixon.
DissidentFish
You know, both of my late parents, like myself, would probably find Trump so unbearably awful that they’d keep quiet about him except at Dem. party meetings or some such. (Mom would have had plenty to say about Bernie and his bros, though).
Her mother — my grandmother, born on a farm in the WV mountains in 1898 though — she would’ve had plenty to say about Trump. Her contempt for “that fool Reagan,” “that skinny Boosh” (GHSWB) and “that awful Marshall” (failed Virginia politician Marshall Coleman”) never brought her to vulgarity, but she seriously had plenty to say about their foolishness, skinniness, and awfulness. She used to call me at college to complain about Reagan and when he was shot she said (and I quote) “If the old fool has brain damage it wouldnt change a thing..”
Happy Mothers Day all …
efgoldman
Oh my oh my. She must have been a piece o’work, indeed.
I mean, my mom had a sharp tongue, especially after she didn’t have to play nice Army wife any more, but Betty, you’re in a whole other category.
I would have proposed to you multiple times already, but mrs efg and mr cracker probably wouldn’t have understood very well.
NotMax
“Don’t stuff crayons up your nose” has continued to be sage advice throughout life.
raven
“I know you don’t think you’d be a good father but you would”. I didn’t but the sentiment was nice.
efgoldman
@rikyrah: Andrew? Really?? No one else said the same things??!?
NeenerNeener
This piece of wisdom from my mom is why I don’t bother arguing with wingnuts:
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
Nicole
My mom died from breast cancer when I was ten (she was 35). As much as I want to remember her as an angelic figure, I do suspect if she’d lived, we’d have had a very contentious relationship. She didn’t have it easy; she grew up very poor and my dad was an alcoholic, but lord, could that woman make me feel insufficient. Especially when she would compare me to my best friend. To my face. Being given deadlines to lose a certain amount of weight (at age eight) wasn’t a lot of fun, either.
My stepmom is a survivor of the Pol Pot genocide, and even when we weren’t getting along (when I was a teenager, and our very different cultures were clashing), I never lost respect for what she’d survived. Now, I think she’s the bees’ knees. Despite my dad being very pro-Bernie and against Hillary (he died, unfortunately, right before the primaries, so, in the whirl of grief and burying him none of us voted in it), she voted for Clinton in the general with the simple observation, “I think she’s smart and she’ll do a good job.” My dad got sucked in by 20 years of Clinton-bashing, but the media couldn’t fool my stepmom. She’s good people. Looking forward to visiting her in a couple of weeks.
And my dad’s sister and my mom’s sister were both childless, and both two of the greatest aunts a lonely girl could have had. My mom’s sister died a few years ago, but my dad’s still gets her Mothers’ Day call from me right after my stepmom. I’ve been very blessed to be surrounded by excellent women in my family, even if my own mom had her issues.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
My mother passed just over nine years ago. I have conflicted feelings. She was in some ways kind, generous, wise. But in other ways she was infuriating. Her hearing started to go around sixty, but she refused to get a hearing aid. It got to the point where we would pull a chair up a foot away, cup our hands over our mouths, and shout. She’d still only get a portion and then tell us that if we’d just speak up, it would be fine. It became exhausting, just physically exhausting to communicate. She withdrew and became a shut in. That she thought GWB was sooo handsome and good did not help.
I don’t know why she found the idea of a hearing aid so offensive. Anyway, I think my sisters and I all feel a mix of disappointment, resentment, guilt, regret… it’s clouded the mourning process for all of us.
dmsilev
@rikyrah: Andrew Sullivan spent a good part of the last 25 years besmirching Hillary Clinton. He has no standing to complain about Donald Trump as he helped, in his own insufferable way, to bring it about.
rikyrah
Reports: Frustrated and Isolated Trump Considering Staff Shakeup at Demoralized White House
By Chas Danner
President Trump, frustrated and increasingly isolated, is considering a shakeup of his communications staff following the spectacular fallout over his stunning decision to abruptly fire FBI director James Comey on Tuesday. For their part, White House staff members don’t seem very happy, either. Unnamed administration sources, via varied comments to CNN, the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and Associated Press, have painted an unsurprisingly dour picture of how things have been going at the demoralized White House, where some Trump aides say they are eager for the president’s trip abroad next week. “We need to get the President outside the beltway,” someone close to the White House explained to CNN.
According to insiders who spoke with the Associated Press, the leak-obsessed president, distrustful of his staff, has shrunk his inner circle to his daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared Kushner, as well as longtime aides like former spokesperson Hope Hicks and Trump’s personal bodyguard Keith Schiller. Three officials told the AP that Trump’s chief strategist, Steve Bannon, has been shut out of major decisions following conflicts with Kushner and didn’t even know Comey had been fired until he saw it on television. Reince Priebus, who was consulted regarding Comey’s termination, is nonetheless still on the perpetual bubble with Trump continuing to question his leadership as White House Chief of Staff. Axios additionally reports that, according to Trump’s “after dark” consultants (the friends Trump calls at night), the president may expand the bloodletting beyond the comms team and Priebus to include Bannon and White House Counsel Don McGahn. Trump is reportedly “angry at everyone,” including a few cabinet members who he thinks have been grandstanding, and the advice the president is getting from his informal advisers “is to go big — that he has nothing to lose … The question now is how big and how bold.”
Regarding Trump’s paranoia and micromanagement over leaks, the Washington Post adds that, according to several White House officials, Trump “personally has conducted postmortem interviews with aides about the Comey saga, investigating the unending stream of headlines he considers unfairly negative, according to several White House officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity because Trump is cracking down on unauthorized leaks.”
rikyrah
Are the German elections today?
eclare
@West of the Rockies (been a while): My dad has lost his hearing, he has a hearing aid, but it doesn’t work as advertised. The loss touches everything.
Ruckus
@SiubhanDuinne:
Mom knew how to swear. Not sure I learned from her but I sure didn’t learn the opposite. She once tried to set me up with the daughter of her friend, even though I lived several states away. And she persisted long after a normal person would have stopped. That was mom. So to end the constant verbal assaults after about 6 months of this I asked her once while visiting, the old standard lines. What’s she like? She has a nice personality! OK is she fat? Without looking up from her magazine, she has a nice personality! So I unleashed the only thing that came to mind. Does she fuck? Don’t know, you’d have to ask her yourself. We looked at each other and laughed. But at least I never heard another word.
She also liked Bill Clinton, whom she’d shaken hands with. That was a big Biden deal to her.
MomSense
It didn’t come from my mom but when my dad was under the influence of some major drugs last night he told us to find our passion and do our damndest.
Seems like good advice to me.
Spanky
Since it’s an Open Thread, I don’t think anyone has covered this:
(WaPo)
Going out of their way to make friends, I see.
NotMax
Liv Ullman may not be the greatest singer but the sentiment is sound.
Jeffro
@Spanky: that is one heck of a lot of economic anxiety right there
Amaranthine RBG
@efgoldman: @dmsilev:
Purity ponies gonna be purity ponies.
MomSense
This is a rockstar mom.
Mom kicked out of McHenry’s office
Jeffro
Btw I see that Callista Gingrich is about to be named the United States ambassador to the Vatican… yes this would be the same fine lady that Newt was having the affair with when he was cheating on his second wife.
Irony is so very, very dead
Amaranthine RBG
@rikyrah:
Chas Danner used to post on the Dish.
He is an impure pony. Off with this head.
/s
Cheryl Rofer
@rikyrah:
They were, and Merkel’s party won.
dmsilev
@Amaranthine RBG: If objecting to Andrew “Betsy McCaughey health care article” “Liberals are a fifth column” “Hillary Clinton SCREEEEEEE” Sullivan makes me a purity pony, well so be it. The guy has been a pustule on our political discourse since the 1990s.
Timurid
Looks like somebody in New York wanted to hold a torchlight rally too…
:(
Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA
I got some killer dating advice from my mother once. A guy had come to pick me up for our first date. He looked like a young, not-drug-addled Charlie Sheen, but with gorgeous blue eyes. He was well-dressed, polite, the brother of a friend of mine — he checked all the boxes on the “good first impression” list. My mother loved him immediately.
Trouble was, as the evening went on, it became obvious that while he was very nice, he was dumb as a box of rocks.
I came home a couple of hours later, and told my mother I couldn’t have an intelligent conversation with him. Her advice: “Maybe you should pretend you’re not that smart.”
My response: “Sure. Then I’ll keep going out with him, he’ll fall in love with me, propose marriage, and I’ll say yes because the whole point is to land a husband, never mind whether we’re actually compatible. Then I’ll pound out his little idiot children and spend the rest of my life surrounded by morons.”
She said, “There’s no talking to you,” and walked out.
To be fair, I did get a decent amount of guidance from her while I was growing up — mostly because I figured out early on that I should listen carefully to whatever she suggests, then do the exact opposite. That counts as guidance, no?
SFAW
@dmsilev:
Don’t bother, it’s
ChinatownArgleBargle, JakeCalouste
@Cheryl Rofer: Not the German elections, I.e. the national ones. What was today was the election in the biggest state in Germany, and Merkel’s party won indeed handily.
SiubhanDuinne
@Timurid:
That’s awful. I expect Adam Silverman may have some insights/inside information. He consults with Jewish Community Centers, synagogues, etc. around the country on security issues.
In the meantime, my great sympathies to members of the congregation. That’s a hard loss, and I hope they’re able to rebuild. (Not the first time in history that Jews have been called upon to rebuild the Temple.)
GregB
@Cheryl Rofer:
The irony of the US election is that it still resulted in a female becoming the leader of what we call the free world.
SFAW
@Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA:
Not sure what you’re trying to say. Could you please be a little more direct? Thx
lamh36
#NiecyLayla #NiecyZoe #GodBabyMaddie. I may not have any children of my own, but my life is full is babies Happy Mothers Day
lamh36
Mother’s Day in NOLA means Mother’s Day Crawfish Boil and Cookout
Baud
My mom told me to stay away from liberal blogs because the women are wicked.
She was right.
SFAW
@Ruckus:
You have brightened up an otherwise dreary day. [F’ing Mets blew a six-run lead.]
rikyrah
@Jeffro:
Sending a side piece to the Vatican ???
SFAW
@Baud:
She was probably from New England, and actually said “wicked good.”
rikyrah
@lamh36:
They look so adorable ?
Scamp Dog
@dmsilev: I’m with you. Sullivan gets a few topics right, and is horribly wrong on others. I was a fan for a while, back when he was one of the few anti-torture conservatives, but then I noticed that he was just as happy with nonsense to back up his pet causes as he was good logic. Not worth paying attention to.
Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA
@SFAW: “Thanks, Mom, I’ll keep that in mind.”
ruemara
I guess I learned based on doing the opposite? I try to be on time and clear about whether or not I’m going, to respect other people’s time. I learned to cook & I learned to ask before taking. I try to buy stuff that really makes me think of the other person’s tastes. I also learned to praise, even if I have to correct someone so they can be encouraged. Plus to enjoy being mothered where you find it, which is very valuable!
Immanentize
My Mom last year . “We raised you to be independent. To rely on what you knew and what you knew how to do. To be your own person. Sometimes it makes me sad that we did such a good job”
japa21
@SFAW: But they were playing a pretty hot team.
SFAW
@Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA:
You’re much smoother than I — I probably would have said something like “Thanks, I’ll give it all the consideration it merits.”
On the other hand, my own Mom was pretty smart, with no jerkwad tendencies (that I can recall), so I had it a lot easier than you.
ruemara
@rikyrah: Yep. Not the big one, that’s in September.
Jeffro
@rikyrah: ? Indeed!
Ruckus
@Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA:
Any way you can acquire positive life advice. So yes.
SFAW
@japa21:
Whatever. Lots of teams seem to get “hot” when they play the Mets, unlike in 2015.
Ruckus
@Immanentize:
Mine didn’t try to do that but ended up with me anyway as well.
Ruckus
@SFAW:
Glad I could help.
Should I take it to mean that I’m better than the fucking Mets?
SiubhanDuinne
Y’all know that if I’m not quoting Shakespeare or W. S. Gilbert, I’m quoting Dorothy L. Sayers (this from Clouds of Witness):
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
@MomSense: Great advice! I hope he continues to do well. Make sure you get enough rest…
SiubhanDuinne
By the way, this is apropos of absolutely nothing, but I thought the BJ jackals would enjoy.
I saw on Facebook earlier an account of a bride and her bridesmaids who, instead of carrying bouquets, carried tiny rescue puppies!!! The idea was that wedding guests would adopt them on the spot. I don’t know how well-thought-out it was, but what a delightful idea. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered before Dog….” Just went back to try to find the article, and cannot, but it was cute as all fuck, and a great way to call attention to a local animal shelter.
rk
I don’t ever remember my mom ever yelling at me, or even getting mad at me. She let me do pretty much whatever I wanted. It was expected when I was growing up that girls should know how to cook, but my mom always said that I should focus on my education and I can learn to cook or whenever I felt the need. She was very accepting of everyone and never judgmental about anyone. I don’t remember her giving me advice about anything, but I think that her being so tolerant of me (and pretty much thinking that I was god’s gift to earth), made me have a similar tolerant attitude towards my kids.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
@Ruckus: That’s a great story. Thanks for sharing it.
SiubhanDuinne
@MomSense:
I’ve been thinking about him, too, although I’m afraid I neglected to mention him or you in my earlier comment. I hope he’s doing better. Are they giving you any sense of when he might be released to go home?
lamh36
Almost done with my table settings i bought…next up napkins and table tops knick knacks!!
Dining Room
rikyrah
@lamh36:
Nice table ?
Keith P.
“Fuck you if you can’t take a joke.”
“Quit driving like an old lady, you ‘c-word’*!”
* Naturally, she didn’t say “c-word”
amk
@rikyrah: sullivan can go fuck himself. He and his ilk are the root cause of the twitler’s horrible regime.
SFAW
@Ruckus:
Well, I don’t know what Bill James says about you, nor whether you’re a five-tool player — dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire (OK, that’s seven) — but you certainly don’t disappoint the way the Mets seem to all-too-often. Of course, I wouldn’t trade Conforto for you, but I’d give up Granderson in a heartbeat.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
@Spanky: Citronella tiki torches, no less.
@lamh36: Nice table, and adorable nieces.
Elie
My Mom knew how to maintain her dignity — she taught me wisdom and the patience to really listen to others. I really really miss her so much! Its been three years. Gawd she would have been upset about Trump…. but she would have been wise through this also.
Omnes Omnibus
@SFAW: How odd; my team overcame a six run deficit, and it made my mom happy.
JMG
This was my first Mother’s Day without my Mom. Happily, my son (daughter lives in France) is here talking rock music with my wife right now. Makes me feel better.
Mary G
@Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA: My mom was much the same. When I graduated from college, with a degree in biology, she wanted me to become a civil engineer, because one of my friends was and got hired by GE right after graduation for what was then an astronomical amount of money. When I pointed out that she had majored in civil engineering, she said I was smart and could pick it up on the job.
Fortunately, her example was better than her ideas. My grandfather picked out a husband for her when she was 16, during the depression, and told her to quit high school and get him locked up, because he had a job. Loading trucks. My mom said no and put herself through college ($25 a semester tuition at the U. of Texas). It took her about 10 years. By then she was engaged to a law student, but couldn’t take the idea of just being a lawyer’s wife, and broke it off and went off to be a career woman. She worked at Baylor, in Waco, but it was still Texas, so she went to Cheyenne to work for the University of Wyoming. Too cold. Next she worked at the YMCA in Honolulu, but got island fever and moved to a job in Chicago.
She was a lifelong Republican because her family were KKK Democrats, but stopped voting for Rs sometime in the 1970s, and finally changed her registration in 2008 at the age of 85 in order to vote for Obama in the primary. She was a very difficult mother, but I miss her dreadfully. Like Betty, I imagine all the scathing remarks she would have about Twitler.
SFAW
@Omnes Omnibus:
Don’t YOU start. Or maybe it should be “Don’t make me come over there!”
Just One More Canuck
@Baud: Funny, my mother told me not to stay away from liberal blogs for the same reason
Omnes Omnibus
@Baud: @Just One More Canuck: “Mother told me, yes, she told me I’d meet girls like you. She also told me stay away; you never know what you’ll catch.”
randy khan
I don’t have any special bits of Mom wisdom, but instead I had decades of love and support, no matter what I did (including at least one relationship she thought was unwise, but gave me the time to figure out on my own). That was so important to me, and in a lot of ways I didn’t even understand what she’d done until years after I was grown up.
And she was incredibly nice. (And that means I don’t have any stories about her cursing.)
debbie
@MomSense:
Hope your dad is doing better. That’s exactly what mine would have told me
Jeffro
Hmm…Twitler admitted to obstruction of justice on-camera last week…wonder what the week ahead will bring?
Sab
@eclare: For those dealing with deaf parents, my dad’s gerontologist recommended something called a pocketalker. Apparently it is an amplifier with earplugs or a headset attached, that we can yell into when trying to communicate, or point it at the TV so he isn’t listening to Faux News at a volume audible in the next County. Also cheaper than the hearing aid he won’t wear.
Anybody have any experience with them?
Ruckus
@SFAW:
I should tell you that I can’t pitch worth a fuck, I run any more pretty much like I have a wooden leg (and I don’t but mom said I could put it away at the dinner table like I did, and weighed about 98lbs at the time) and I’ve been to one game in the last 45 yrs or so and I’m developing cataracts. So I should be a shoe in for the Mets.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
@Jeffro: People are saying 6 indictments involving his crew, with up to 70 ultimately. Somebody oughta write a book about how outraged many loud people woulda been if Democrats behaved this way.
@Ruckus: Hell you’d probably get a big signing bonus.
Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)
My mom told me what many others told those of my generation: “Be twice as good, expect half as much.” I followed exactly half of that advice.
marv
My mom died suddenly in the spring of ’68, when I was 15. MLK was assassinated shortly later and then in a few months Bobby K. Hell of a year for me personally,so in response to this post, I want to say it was my mom way back when, when we were all going to the Presbyterian Church and knowing it was fake, who said sort of casually one day, when we were discussing the different versions of the Lord’s Prayer (Catholic and Protestant) that a monk had just added on the little ending – didn’t come from Jesus. All these years later, I’m still supposed to pay some deference to the fundies, and the literal word of God? Please
GregB
@Jeffro:
He’ll cop to complicity in the Lindbergh baby kidnapping, being a business partner with DB Cooper and the Simpson/Goldman murders.
Mnemosyne
My mom died of breast cancer when I was 7 years old, and by all accounts, she was damn near a saint, though not in traditional ways. She was a dental hygienist who worked for the county and got a law passed in Illinois about kids having to learn how to brush and floss. She was also really big on fun arts and crafts projects and once made me a Batgirl costume by adapting a standard pattern because they didn’t sell them in stores.
I also have a stepmother of 35+ years who I call “Mom” and love dearly even though we’re very different people and she drives me crazy sometimes. Case in point: she hates receiving gifts. Hates. It. So I drive her crazy in return by making a donation to an animal shelter in her name so I feel like I gave her a gift.
Lolis
@Sab:
I’ve seen them at work. They’re used a lot in facilities or services where people having hearing deficits. I think they are very helpful so if your dad would be willing to use it with you it would probably be worth it.
Ruckus
Moms been gone 5 yrs now. She’d be 99 if she was still here and probably be as ornery as ever. She also took care of us when we were sick, taught us the value of work, how to clean and cook, etc, etc. She also taught us how to complain about how unfair life is. And she was right. But it’s unfair to almost everyone so it evens out in the end. I mean look at dumpf, he gets to be president. But he has to live with dumpf, every fucking day. That’s got to hurt.
Bob Christy
I haven’t commented for a long time, too damn busy. I sent this off to my dead mother (unreconstructed FDR democrat) a couple years ago. I think of her calling and saying, “I hate Robert Novack, he’s always got spittle in the corner of his damned mouth.” That said…
To: Mom (Mother, Ma, Maw, etc)
From: Oldest Son
Re: Mother’s Day
5/11/2014
I’m sure you enjoy being a spark in the Universe, you always liked to travel. Have you caught up with the old man yet? I’d have liked to have witnessed that first meeting because you had a lot to say to him, I’d also like have seen you two hug, kiss and make up and have some fun again.
Things are interesting here, Cakes (I know you hated me calling her that) has a new job and is kicking ass. I’m sitting around trying to figure out what to do. Don’t worry I’ll get it figured out sooner or later. I always have.
The kids are fine, Stephanie is in Costa Rica, I can hear you right now, “What the hell is she doing down there!” relax Mom, she’s in love and sounds happy as a lark. Kristen’s business is taking wing after a lot of hard work and lessons learned. You’d be proud of her. Your great grandchildren are spectacular, the girls have finished college. The boys are a couple of little shit heels just like I was. (pause)I know, I know, I was just kidding. They’re doing fine and they even enjoy brief visits from me. Bruce, Kathy and Margo are fine, so are all the kids. You’d be pleased to know that your name comes up all the time. So your memory lives on and will. Liz is still a pain in the ass and is a great grandmother, but I’m sure you know that story
I’ve read some great books lately. I miss our “Book Club”. You’d love “Game of Thrones”. BTW, I’ve read 7 Vonnegut’s over the past two weeks, I know you thought he was nuts and we argued about him for years. I still think you’re nuts to think he was nuts, so don’t even talk to me about it anymore, god dammit! Hope you run into him, tell him just how nuts you think he is and he tells you are just another deranged, misguided lunatic from his generation carrying around a bucket full of loose screws, who wouldn’t know a screwdriver from a thermonuclear device. Serves you both right.
Hey Ma thanks for visiting me in a dream the other night and reminding me to pay my American Express bill, you were always good about stuff like that.
Cakes (I know you hate that) is still sleeping, otherwise I’d put her on. I noticed the other day she picked up your picture and her mother’s picture from the English desk and stood there looking at the both of you. I didn’t ask what she was doing. I knew.
It’s a nice day Mom, wish you were here. We could sit in the sand at the beach, eat some seafood at Neptune’s Net, come home, take a nap. Have a nice light dinner and watch Game of Thrones together. You can have the new chair, it’s a wingback and you always loved those.
Love, hugs and kisses,
Your first kid.
BBA
@SFAW: The nice thing for us Mets fans is that the teams were wearing their ugly pink uniforms, and all proceeds will go to the Komen Foundation for Awareness of the Komen Foundation.
And by “nice” I mean something other than “nice.”
Ruckus
@Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho:
Probably to stay away and never, ever darken the steps of any ballpark they play in. Not saying I won’t take it mind you, it would be a pleasure not to watch the Mets.
p.a.
Exasperated with me when I was a teen my mom told me I better learn to take care of myself ’cause no one else would put up with my shit. (In my neighborhood there was a low bar; being a sarcastic ass teen was several steps up from the heroin-addicts-in-the-making a lot of the other kids were. But my parents were old fashioned, and the word ‘snark’ hadn’t been invented yet so jerkiness was still seen as a negative quality.)
My father died on a Mother’s Day so this is ‘meh’ for me anyway.
Sab
@Lolis: Thanks.
Mnemosyne
@Omnes Omnibus:
I only realized relatively recently that when the song talks about “old maids” who were recruited for the war, they really mean lesbians. Now the rest of the verse makes more sense to me.
FlyingToaster
I learned to curse from my parents cursing at politicians in Missouri in the ’60s. And, obviously, spent my fair share of the early 70s honing my skills because the effing Watergate hearings pre-empted most kid tv in the afternoons.
We moms-o-thirdgraders had a discussion the other night; one daughter was telling a younger daughter she knew the “F-word”, and wouldn’t tell. The younger girl took a couple of guesses, and then, in a hushed voice, she quavered, “Donald Trump?”
We’re teaching our girls well, we are.
Jeffro
.
Betty Cracker
@Bob Christy: Nice.
NobodySpecial
@rikyrah: Who? Oh, that racist asshole? Fuck him.
Suzanne
My mom very much instilled in me the importance of self-motivation and drive. I’m sure that came from a place of resentment and fear, to some extent, because she was the baby of the family, expected to care for her own mother. She wasn’t allowed to go away to college, even though her older siblings did, because she had to stay home to take care of her mother. Then, years later, my father took off and left her with me, never contributing to my upbringing in any way (I checked on Book of Faces—he’s a Dampnut fan. SHOCKER.) So she wanted me to work hard and become self-sufficient and to do what I wanted to do.
This morning, I posted a picture of us at the Womens’ March, wearing pink p*ssyhats that she made. Fuck yeah. Sticking it to The Man is intergenerational.
Suzanne
Oh shit, I used the P-word and am in moderation. SHIT. Sorry.
A Ghost to Most
Since it’s open thread; there is a wild battle between the Americans and a bunch of Russian trolls at WaPo. Putin must be nervous, or maybe just the day shift coming on in Moscow.
Bob Christy
@Betty Cracker:
Coming from you Betty, that’s a big f’ing deal. Thanks.
danielx
No, boys are dogs, as a couple of my high school ex-gfs would testify.
Steve in the ATL
@Ruckus:
Welcome to Atlanta–you the new leftfielder for the Braves!
Ruckus
@Steve in the ATL:
Have been to both NYC and Atlanta. Have to say my idea that they’d pay me to stay away is looking better and better. And more realistic.
Ruckus
@Steve in the ATL:
Besides left field is way below my……. what were we talking about?
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: I think you may just have been signed as the new long snapper for the Lions.
Steeplejack
@lamh36:
Very nice! Now get some guests and food at that table.
dexwood
My mom was the coolest person I ever knew, and that’s saying something (second coolest is my wife of 42 years). She’d always say, “if you can’t say something nice about someone, there’s probably a good reason for that, say what you think”. Or, “I’m teaching you how to cook and clean so you won’t be a burden on some poor women. Pay attention”. My favorite, though, since I was raised and educated Catholic was, “don’t believe everything that goddamn church wants you to believe”. She died in ’93 and I still find it hard to accept sometimes.
greennotGreen
(gnG’s sister reporting) gnG has now entered the pre-active phase of dying. She is able to verbalize her desires so seldom now that it’s a real surprise when she does. For example, instead of the “sponge on a stick” method of giving her water, this evening she very clearly said, “No, I want an *actual* cup of water!” Which made us all laugh. And she was indeed able to take a sip from one. She still recognizes everyone, and we have no doubt she understands much of what is going on, she just can’t get words out. Occasionally, she reaches for her dogs and pets them and smiles. We have soft classical music going on in the room, which is full of soft natural light and green plants. The hospice nurse today said she wished all her patients could have this type of environment! Yesterday, gnG recognized the opera Prince Igor (one of her early favorites from high school), and today it was the Star Wars New Hope overture that she most enjoyed. She’s always had eclectic tastes!
Sorry if I’m breaking blogging rules, I hope this fits BJ guidelines. I’m just trying to fulfill my sister’s wishes, but she also didn’t want to bore people with whiny minutiae, so just let me know if I’m overstepping the boundaries.
Thanks to everyone for their good wishes.
Omnes Omnibus
@greennotGreen: All threads are open threads. Especially after 100 comments. You are not stepping on anything.
dexwood
@greennotGreen:
I think rules have been waived for greennotGreen and her family. Your updates and green’s strength amaze me. Love from an infrequent commentor who knows what you all are going through.
SWMBO
@Sab: probably too late but my son was diagnosed with 70% and 90% hearing loss when he was about 5. He has atreatic ear canals as well so conventional hearing aids weren’t possible. He was loaned a bone conduction hearing aid that he wore until surgery improved things. It was impressive. It would take sound and send it as a vibration through the skull. It bypassed the middle ear and gave clear sound to the inner ear. It was worth all the aggravation it took to keep a hyperactive child wearing it.
divF
@greennotGreen:
Good wishes from an intermittent commenter. This is the first time I’ve been on soon enough after one of your comments to say something. I have been a faithful reader of the gnG sub-blog, though, and deeply appreciate it.
Ruckus
@greennotGreen:
Best to all of you. Making this as serene as possible is wonderful.
I hope the following is OK for me to post here now.
My sister passed in hospice on mom’s 90th birthday. She had a party in her room for mom and I sat with her after everyone else had left We talked a bit till she fell asleep and then one of her friends came in to stand watch. Many of her friends were taking turns all during her hospice so that someone could be with her at all times. She passed about 2 hrs later, after being able to say goodby to everyone. I think she knew that it was time, had been able to accept it and enjoy her last day as much as possible.
SWMBO
@greennotGreen: This is Balloon Juice. Updates are always welcome. Peace and comfort to all of you. Get some rest and have a glass of nice red wine for both of you. Thank you for the updates.
ruemara
@greennotGreen: Every detail and every moment is precious. You’re always welcome to post updates and please send her our love.
Sab
@Ruckus: So sorry for all of you, and especially your mother. Your sister had a well-spent life. What a loss, but what a beautiful person. Not many of us will be so regretted when we pass.I am so sorry.
Mnemosyne
@greennotGreen:
As everyone else said, feel free to post on any thread. The “rules” around here are mostly guidelines anyway.
Continuing to wish peace and strength for all of you at this time.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne: We are pirates?
Mnemosyne
@Omnes Omnibus:
Sorry, did we forget to tell you? I think we decided last week that we’re pirates now.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne: Assholes.
mai naem mobile
@greennotGreen: you aren’t breaking any rules and there’s no minutiae that would be boring. Hope your sister is free of pain and as comfortable as can be.
Ruckus
@Sab:
She was a good person. But she was also deeply flawed. Her cancer seemed to actually help her with that and while I’m not thankful in the least for it, (FUCK Fucking Cancer) the focus, and peace that it gave her was amazing. Her last years with cancer showed what kind of a person she could be. Her accomplishments over her life were pretty cool but her humanity dealing with her disease was even better.
ETA Saw a car the other day with a sticker in the back window that said Fuck Cancer. Big yellow sticker. Couldn’t miss it. It didn’t change anything, any more than me saying it here, but it felt good to see another campaigner.
Suzanne
@greennotGreen: Thank you for the update. Much love to gnG, and to you, and all of your family. I’m keeping you all in my thoughts and wishing you all peace and comfort.
Lyrebird
@greennotGreen’s sister: Thank you again for the updates, and yes ongoing wishes of strength and comfort distributed to everyone involved!
Sab
@Ruckus: Aren’the we all deeply flawed?
Sab
@greennotGreen: I don’t think we have rules for these situations. You make the rules.
Gretchen
@Nicole: nice.
Ruckus
@Sab:
We are all flawed in some way, minor or major, yes, but not all are deeply flawed. Unfortunately she was through out much of her life. Not at the end though.
And some are beyond deeply flawed, they are broken beyond repair. History is replete with them.
Gretchen
@greennotGreen: thanks for your updates! I’ve hated that sponge on a stick thing. I’m glad she can say she wants a real cup of water.
Aleta
@greennotGreen: Thanks for writing. You’re in my thoughts.
Elizabelle
@greennotGreen: Always good to hear from you.
I read today that the sense of smell is the very last to go. So, there’s some opportunities for creativity, to bring back evocative memories and give green a sensual sendoff.
scout
Mom had a book of “Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations” and quoted this from Abraham Lincoln, “He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”
laura
@greennotGreen: thank you for the update. Your comments are appreciated by more folks than you may expect.
Peace and Grace to greennotGreen and comfort in each other’s presence.
Neldob
@eclare: Yep. Get a large hearing aid and an audiologist who will fool around with it til it works decently. Sometimes I think a microphone and headphones is the way to go.